q&a: how to heal your fear of vulnerability

[@amb0327]

“They hate everyone BUT their man” I cackled. My hubby is a man that I like but as a whole I do not outwardly trust men. Trust has to be earned over a long period of time with me. And because I’m married, I have no need for other hetero men that are not related to me in my life. Completely agree with everything you’ve said here.

[@BanginOnWax682]

Sure. But cynicism is not synonymous with hatred. 😂

[@mindfulnessforblackgirls]

This is the realest comment ever

[@shannonmcquaid8215]

This wisdom is power ❤️ Something I think we may know deep down but we forget. Thank you for articulating so beautifully. This helped me so much today

[@DasiaDoesIt]

Absolutely!! Thank you for being here!

[@jace_lol]

thank you so much for all your content. as a young person who still can’t vote your content was so helpful to learn. especially when my parents don’t aline with my political views. so i love you and keep doing what you’re doing.

[@DasiaDoesIt]

super proud of you for living and learning and growing.

[@angelr5694]

THANK YOU FOR SAYING THIS!! Music from the 70s.80s,90s, AND late 2000's Focused on men and HIGH KEY conditioned the younger generation of girls to do the same. I have been TRYING to tell people this

[@lovejoy11_11]

I feel like the Christian Bible was the original perpetrator of this.

[@Last_Access]

Tu me das paz mental. Soy cubano viendo tu contenido aquí en 🇨🇺 y deseo que sigas así inspirando a personas porque no sabes a qué persona en el mundo podra llegarle tu contenido y cambiarle su sistema dogmático de ver la vida. 💚

[@mewmel2011]

Thanks!

[@rachaelm5678]

Yes to ALL of this 🙌🏼

[@grandpaqueues]

at the end of the day, i feel the love you foster within will attract what comes to you. & like you stated, not in the ways social media portrays it. if you’re keeping it funky w/ self, you’ll never settle. i’m all for tips: sitting in silence is free therapy. it ain’t easy lol, but sitting, analyzing and accepting (healthily) is healing. your keys will only open your door. horrible sentence but you feel me. all love ladies.

[@86fifty]

I had this in my opened tabs for like weeks, and I finally got to it, and really needed to hear all this today so thank you, fr fr

[@edmundfreeman7203]

Of course, everything you've said here applies to men as well. We need to decenter women in the same way as you say women need to decenter men, even though we have a lot of evolutionary pressure making us do just that. One of the biggest turning points in my life was realizing I was causing my own problems and my life would be a whole lot better if I became a better person. I did (meditation, friendships) and it did.

[@extrashotofespresso_]

there are plenty of males who can help with that ideology of yours. For now, it is imperative that women *specifically* get this message. You trying to point the finger right back is just counter productive when history has shown how much of a chokehold men have over women. The reverse cannot be said, truthfully.

[@edmundfreeman7203]

@@extrashotofespresso_ I'm not pointing a finger back at all. I am agreeing completely with this video and saying the message is even broader.

[@personneici2595]

​@@extrashotofespresso_ There's room for everyone to receive this message ❤

[@ifcoltransg2]

The big lie that you can only be complete through romance, hurts women more than men. The instinct to call them the same problem often misses this point, they _are_ different... But toxic masculinity hurts women _and_ men, toxic feminity hurts women _and_ men... These are different problems that reinforce each other. Right here and now, this video is for women who need it, and when men or anyone else chooses to learn from it, that's great too.

[@acealoha]

You are one smart 🍪. Thank you for your wisdom. 🌸🌺💐

[@virgobeautygg]

Preach. I love this message so much, as well as how grounded and intentional you are. A breath of fresh air. Thanks for sharing your light.

[@extrashotofespresso_]

i have always felt this way about men which is why I have never yield to them. Intense word usage with yield but that is exactly what is being asked of us time and time again. Especially when it pertains to our bodies. They have begged, they have pleaded and my response is always no. I will not give you access as long as I can help it and better believe I am learning different forms of self defense. Physically and spiritually. For me to hear real life stories about 15 year old girls having pregnancy "scares" and I have never had one at almost 27 for simply protecting my womb is mind boggling to me. I think what helps me is being aromantic and on the ace spectrum so it makes me less desperate for male attention and bodily intimacy. I definitely had a hard time during puberty due to dealing with hormones like most teens do but I went to an all girls high school and I learned though i am an ally, I don't seek femmes for romantic relationships, I needed them for sisterhood and friendships. When I was in my late teens, early 20s I was desperate. I was scared to reach mid 20s without having a relationship with a male so I jumped into one with a male right before my mid 20s and I have gained weight and trauma from that experience which I am still trying to overcome to this day. Fortunately for me, we did not sleep together though he begged like a depraved person. That is when I knew this stuff was not for me. Unless a super special, super rare unicorn finds *me*, I am not looking for anything from men. I personally love my own company and the familial connections I have with my people. That is all I need right now. My life as a tax paying, college debt, older genz woman is ironically easier than these young school aged girls who are desperately chasing male validation and having pregnancy "scares". ( I put the word scare in quotes because, if sex ed was actually taught properly, kids would/should understand that if you are grown enough to do it, you should be grown enough to deal with the consequences of those very adult actions).

[@imahni]

💛👏🏾 love your vibes and videos, thank you!

[@Chroma_hologram_spellbreaker]

Thank you for this! External validation. But also internal reflection. Thank you.

[@Naoomayoo]

You really are guiding me. Thank you

[@jofree5090]

You have given me some homework.. I love your content 😊

[@chocolatenajm9336]

Decentering won’t be an issue for me 😅

[@Oblivion9996]

I feel very called out by some of this like... Ceasing to exist between interactions, thank you.

[@Digitallymodestdoll]

Love your content. Thank you!

[@tanyawilson7043]

Amen 🎉

[@pollopapigrande4990]

what's ur curl type and how do u define it or is it just like naturally well defined like that

[@mckeewardiv6307]

1️⃣ Identify Your Values 2️⃣ DeCenter Men 3️⃣ Don’t Fall In The Self-Love Trap

[@trevorstewart1308]

comment of positive support

[@FarenMonique]

What if you dress baggy because you are trying to avoid the desires, looks and advances of men. Would you consider that centering them?

[@DasiaDoesIt]

@@FarenMonique good question! Yes, dressing in a specific way to avoid the desires, looks, and advances of men could** still be considered centering men in a subtle way, as your actions are influenced by how men perceive you or interact with you. Even if the intention is to avoid them, their presence and behavior are still guiding/modifying your choices. HOWEVER, it’s also important to acknowledge that this choice might come from a place of safety, autonomy, or self-preservation rather than a desire to cater to or challenge male perspectives. In that sense, it is a totally practical response to a societal reality, and not necessarily an act of centering men but mainly navigating a system where male behavior has tangible impacts. Long story short; I get it. To truly decenter men, I mainly focus on dressing for my personal comfort, self-expression, or other reasons entirely unrelated to male perception; ideally they are invisible -so I’m making choices rooted solely in my own desires and needs. 🫶🏾❤️

[@KNYGHT87]

[@BanginOnWax682]

How can someone who’s happy and healthy hate everybody but their own man? Especially when they’re in a relationship. Sounds toxic asf.

[@passionsong]

They probably see the state of men these days and are flabbergasted

[@andregonzalez1496]

Please stop listening to R& B, instrumental Jazz is the best,stop listening to Rapp music it's lyrics are harmful to the body, mind and soul, Hindu instrument Raga music is also medicine for the body,mind and soul ❤❤❤❤

[@ifcoltransg2]

I've not listen to Raga before now, but I will. You're so right about a lot of rap, but I also don't want to paint the genre all with one brush. The poetry in Noname's lyrics heals me. "How do you get closer to love?" she sings in Rainforest, about a society that alienates us from what matters, "How do you make excuses for billionaires? You're broke on a bus." I've heard other songs and artists that also start from a place of love. There are rappers who write mostly to expel poisons from their own selves, but I don't want that to blind me to the beautiful souls out there expressing part of that beauty through hip-hop.

[@lovejoy11_11]

There's definitely some trash rap & r&b. There are also so so many conscious talented and gifted rap and r&b artists, past & present. Be Well.

[@jaguarandi2]

Can a man not cook if they don't like to cook?

[@shannaepstein6975]

Thanks!