r/AmITheA**Hole For Telling My Surrogate To Stop Acting Like She's My Husband's Wife?

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#AITA #Family #Parenting

[@IAmNotASuccubus]

I want an update to story one so badly. OP picked the worst person imaginable to have as a surrogate as someone else stated it sounds awfully fishy that OP's husband didn't say anything while the surrogate and her mom were making all of these bizarre demands.

[@pippo17173]

So many things that would lead to deep shit. I want to know if this is a legit horror set up or a complex cheating method. Like serously the husband is not putting his foot down on this creepy shit.

[@missingbobsburgers]

Yes. That’s the one I really want more info on as well.

[@amandab8433]

I remember this story. I read through the whole response line, and the majority were calling TROLL. After reading her responses none of the story made sense at all, and she started to contradict herself. So yeah I'm with the majority calling Troll.

[@ravanpee1325]

Surrogating is basically human trafficking, so what did he expect could possibly go wrong :D

[@LightSage89]

I was sad that there was no update post... that is a story that begs for a proper ending

[@lorifiedler13]

What baby needs would she need at her home? She is aware what being a surrogate means, right? Get a lawyer involved immediately.

[@juanhaines7295]

Story 1 I heard this story before. They should've gotten a contract. Hopefully Op will update eventually.

[@Khaisz.]

Yeah 100% should have gotten a contract, she(friend sister) will 100% keep it. Edit: The post is 2 months old and op said FS was 7 months pregnant, so we might hopefully get a update soon, if OP wants to give one that is.

[@shadowkissed2370]

@@aduckofsomesort nope verbal contacts are not legal in this type of situation. There is no proof there was a verbal contract. Hopefully, they used op's egg.

[@gooblegal817]

@@aduckofsomesort not unless specific details of the agreement we're texted or emailed to eachother and agreed upon, or recordings of conversations or voice-mails were made. even then, it's a super precarious legal situation and they'd probably need a pretty good family lawyer

[@DelphineTheWorstBladeEver]

I hope it ended well for her... I hope the worst scenario didn't happen, and that she has the baby, and her husband...

[@mb8787]

​@delphinetheworstbladever yes, I feel so bad for OP... that surrogate are worming her way into OP's husband heart and affection using the baby... how he wanted OP to acquiesce to the surrogate when the surrogate overstepped OP's boundaries, shows he is starting to move over to surrogate's side, sadly... even if he draws the line at physically cheating/ending the marriage, OP will always take second place to the baby, and the surrogate, it seems... "selfless act" my a...(!) She is thoroughly doing it for her own selfish reasons..! OP really got played by friend's sister, and maybe friend, too, in which case she would be a "friend". Might have been because friend got pushed into it, but at the very least, she failed OP by not preventing her sister taking advantage of OP.

[@sharolynwells]

the woman who put a lock on the office door? I would do the same thing. I'm a novelist. Any interruption when I'm working takes my mind off what I'm working on and cause my train of thought to completely jump the track and run off into the field to play with the bunnies.

[@carolsimpson4422]

A quiet room of one's own is essential to the writing process.

[@sharolynwells]

yes, it is, Carol.

[@CynthiaPrice79]

Especially because my muse likes to send me inspiration in the form of phrases, sentences, and paragraphs.

[@lorifiedler13]

Love "cause my train of thought to completely jump the track and run off into the field to play with the bunnies"

[@Hermagesty4theHorde]

Omg 😂😂😂 I am an author also and know what you are saying!! My train not only plays with the bunnies but also asks to sleepover with them.

[@ED-fo1pe]

The one about SIL throwing away formula and wipes: This legit made me so angry. I'm not even a mom. I'm an MA. Breast is best unless mom is depressed. If mom can't produce enough milk to keep her baby fed, that would make even the most mentally stable mom depressed. FED IS BEST. End of story. What SIL did is unforgivable. I personally would make an itemized list and take her to small claims court. There is no one right way to parent and believing that there is, is naive. And for SIL to think her way is the right way is incredibly self-righteous. Absolutely disgusting. Just atrocious behavior.

[@Keyonne88]

100% would be filing a claim if they refused to reimburse. Give them a deadline - you have until x date, or I'm going to file.

[@cynicalminion]

in addition to "build a bridge and get over it", another perfect response would be "joey doesn't share food"... lol it's nice to have a NTA stepmom story

[@Keyonne88]

I'd seriously flat out say "fucking stop or we won't come over anymore." Like - as a mom why are you allowing her to keep doing this? Just stop going over there.

[@mythicicewolf9337]

I had a therapist like the last story. She told 9 year old me that my parent's divorce was my fault and I was (somehow?) purposefully manipulated my parents to fight each other constantly and be in a state of constant drama. She called a 9 year old an attention seeking manipulator, and when I cried, she told me to stop trying to manipulate her with tears. A friend of mine went to the same therapist as well because her sister killed herself in front of her. The therapist told her that she was the reason her sister commited unalive (despite being very close to her sister in an extremely abusive household). My friend almost joined her sister that day. Moral of the story: some therapists are downright deranged and should have never been therapists.

[@shannonwolff2599]

Someone needs to report that therapist to the areas' (state or province) medical board or similar. All professions such as doctors, nurses, dentists, and therapists have a regulatory body overseeing them hopefully to stop people like that one. They are there to maintain the integrity of the profession. Look up the one in the area that therapist works and report them. Even if it has been years it's very possible that this isn't the first complaint and the more people complain the quicker the regulatory body will act. And after, call them once a month for example and ask for updates on your case. It lets them know someone is paying attention. If you don't get anywhere with that I would report it to your state governors office and let them handle it. They have a lot of experience dealing with other governmental organizations and that will certainly light a fire under their collective butts!!

[@Keyonne88]

That's someone who got a license so they can abuse people in vulnerable states. Definitely should report to the board of they're still practicing.

[@επιθετικόακτινιδιο]

WTF? Therapist needs a psychiatrist. Or an exorcism. Please tell me you reported her

[@lynsthoughts3576]

Either she wants to keep the baby or get the husband or both!! Never should have happened without a contract... THAT was an AH move. LEGAL HELP NEEDED ASAP, SHE WANTS THAT BABY

[@TotalleeLee]

WHOA THE PHONE CHECKING STORY- _NO ONE_ but that kid is allow to give permission for people to check HIS phone…

[@pansprayers]

Well, if he's underage, that doesn't fly, as long as the person checking is the one named on the plan. It's a fine line on that one.

[@lisemartino1995]

I’m a doula, and the parent of a recently (post) teenage son (and daughter- a powerful woman). You teach your children morals, then you need to trust that you taught them well. If your son is breaking the law, then you need to step in. Otherwise, you need to let them find their way. Using the skills and sense of right and wrong that you taught them they will find their own way, making their own mistakes, but you need to trust them. It’s hard as a parent to watch your child suffer because of their mistake, but that is how they learn and grow, There are more important hills to die on. Women, mothers, you are not only uteruses holding babies. You are powerful human beings who instinctively know what you need. Believe in yourselves, and reach out for the support you deserve.

[@TotalleeLee]

@@pansprayers no, just no. My mom raised me to trust her, she raised me to respect privacy, because of this whenever she wanted to call or to look something up I let her. Because we talk I tell her about my online endeavors too she had no need to police me. That makes your kids want to hide things from you.

[@oooiluvpancakesooo7781]

. . . Except for bio mom. Who actually pays the bill.

[@MissAyame89]

That’s false. It’s legally the parents and anything they do illegal on it can make the parent get arrested. So yes. They have every right to look. Kids are just that. Kids. They don’t have all the same rights as adult.

[@Tree-House69]

Man, why would the husband not say anything? Also, no matter how much you trust someone, seriously, even if you're sure you'd both practically give your lives in relation to yourself and the surrogate, Get. A. Contract. No ifs ands or buts, you need a contract.

[@minagica]

The therapist gaslighting OP that she should have everything ready for her husband when he gets home from work, what a toxic piece of work that should lose their license for making clients mental health worse 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[@rachel4249]

My girlfriend had a group of friends since middle school. There was one guy in a group of girls. He had asked her out while her and I were just starting to feel out what we wanted us to be. She told him she thought of him as a brother. He said he was cool with it but started calling her ice princess. She'd brush it off saying it was his sense of humor. I didn't find it amusing cause I knew it bothered her. Finally I'd had enough and asked him, "what did you think would happen to your status in the group? You're the brother none of these girls are gonna date your thirsty ass..." He slowly stopped hanging around with us so much. A few thought I was out of line but still understood where I was coming from. My girlfriend just shrugged and said he opened himself up by being petty.

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

Your brother has been brought up to believe he is entitled to anything he demands or wants by YOUR mother. Warn the girlfriend; he us dangerous and your mother will tell him where she is. Cut ties with those toxic people; he's going to wind up in prison someday, and his mother will blame everyone but him.

[@kmbaldwin5325]

Stepmom has no business looking at the son’s phone. The only reason she wants to look at his phone is to have some sort of control over him. I know OP said she has OCD, but she sounds like she might just be a control freak in general. Most people with OCD don’t feel the need to have that much control over their environment and the individuals in their environment unless they are a severe case.

[@dianneshedrick1989]

Right. Who in their right mind ask 30 questions.about someone 13 years old ising the shower?. That is none of her business.Man, what a piece of work.

[@katrinasamuels-garrison825]

First story: yep YTA. What the heck were you thinking? You wanted someone cheap and this is what happens.. Story 2: No way the girlfriend isn't bothered by that nick name. She just doesn't respect herself. Would she allow them to use that nick name if her father was present?

[@adrianmcbride1666]

So you feel confident that you know the girlfriend better than she herself does? I don't like the term mandplaining but I think this is am appropriate place for it to be used.

[@katieb.1184]

she could love her boobs and think they're one of her favorite attributes. Some people find pride in their bodies, and that doesn't mean they don't respect themselves.

[@missybuchanan9631]

OMG that woman who threw out all the baby stuff has made me so angry.

[@LightSage89]

I don't know why people assume that everyone lies about having food allergies. I don't have any, but if there is a food I just don't like I'm honest about it. Me: No nuts, please. Person: Are you allergic? Me: No. I just don't like them. I have never met anyone who has lied about having food allergies.

[@aprilgosa5779]

Story 3 OP she is not his mother tell her stay out of his phone! Especially since he has done nothing to warrant suspicions!

[@minagica]

Entitled sister endangering pet "for fun" is entitled AH and OP's parents are enabling irresponsible AHs too

[@amberleeannalee1999]

Wife’s not “ocd” she’s controlling and authoritarian. She should NEVER touch his phone

[@maureenheffernan5843]

You always get it in writing . You shouldn’t have picked her after her losing her baby

[@Mscrimsondragon]

Sistter can sell the cars and house to pay for the same husband who mocked their dying father and wouldn't allow OP, who had just lost their only parent at 17, stay with her sister. "Family" didnt count for much then, did it?

[@lisaedwards2542]

Sil outrageous don't give her, her stuff back until your stuff is replaced.

[@katieb.1184]

translation to the Kevin situation: My wife said she would guilt trip Kevin into forgiving Chloe because he's just not understanding it's just cousins being cousins.

[@saratronus]

I don't think you could technically cancel a birthday. You could cancel a birthday party, but you can't cancel a birthday. 😅

[@jameswatson9338]

"Disrespectful" nickname story: The responses to this one show how our culture still, in some way, views women as men's property. If the girlfriend does not feel disrespected, no one's disrespecting her. If you feel bad or offended about it, talk to her like she's a human being. Then, when she tells you it's fine, respect her wishes to be left alone about it. But instead OP took matters into his own hands over an issue that pertains entirely to his girlfriend, as if what they call her is a reflection on him, or, more likely, somehow "disrespects" him by sexualizing HIS sexual object. Let's not defend and validate controlling, possessive, sexist "feelings." Some feelings are, actually, inspired by bigotry in our culture and should be dismissed for what they are.

[@jokl89]

Yes! Thank you!

[@britvica]

I am woman, and would probably say I'm ok with the nickname because I believe it would stick more and be worse if I try to make them not say that nickname. Frankly, if my man would draw the boundary for me, I'd be happy. I can't imagine how such stupid nickname can be tolerated. I have large chest and personally If I was to have a strenght of an man, I'd punch everybody who would make such stupid comments about me, jokingly, especially in school.

[@jameswatson9338]

@@britvica I can see how plenty of people wouldn't like the nickname, sure. I just think it calls for a discussion, not a unilateral decision like the one OP made. Her nickname, her business, unless they've previously established that she wants him to mention it. That's just...basic personal autonomy in my opinion.

[@katieb.1184]

@@britvica in that case, I would prefer my partner ask me first. I definitely have been taught to be a doormat at times... but I would be angry if the partner didn't privately ask "is this really okay?"

[@tunatofu63]

Would the husband forego the surgery and die if there had been no inheritance? OF COURSE NOT! It's just that ops money is there and they want to keep their luxuries and use other people's money instead.

[@dianneshedrick1989]

Absolutely

[@janet6421]

Food allergy story: His punishment for not eating grandma's food that would make him sick is to not go over to grandma's house for the foreseeable future. Grandma thinks she won and kid doesn't end up in the hospital. Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it. LOL

[@Velestra]

In the story with the nick name, what EVERYONE seems to be glossing over is HER FRIENDS ARE USING HER NICK NAME THAT REFERENCES HER CHEST IN FRONT OF HER MAN. That is disrespectful to him and his relationship. That may be their dynamic when op is not around but when he is, her friends need to respect that and not use that name.

[@adrianmcbride1666]

He needs to respect her and her autonomy. That includes her being willing to have that nickname reffer to herself. He also used "disrespecting her" as his argument so no your argument holds no water.

[@MCWon212]

@@adrianmcbride1666 get out of here with that crap.... It doesn't matter if the girl says she's OK with the nickname. A sexual nickname should be off limits to your girlfriend's friands. you don't tolerate that level of disrespect to her and yourself. We know how the comments would have went if you flipped the genders and the female friends gave a man the nickname. Big Dk Willie or Lil Dk Willie They would say: NTA and either Your boyfriend is relishing in that nickname so he's and ass hole too. He should set a boundary as to what they call him Or Your boyfriend is an ah too for being a pushover/coward and allowing his friends to make fun of him like that. Are you sure you want to marry a guy like that? What would happen if bla bla bla happened in the future.

[@bonnie.f]

In the story with the niece who stole OP's son's of school supplies- It's very worrying that Chloe doesn't seem to understand consent.

[@Gloria-ro4vn]

It is possible for an old dog hating cat and a cat hating dog to get along. I've done it twice, once they know they are roommates, they formed a truce and eventual friendship. Be forewarned, in both instances, the cats continued to hate all other dogs and the dogs still went after any outside cat that stepped in their territory.

[@oliviaanderson4595]

Currently working from home....partner comes in constantly! I get so frustrated! I always explain when my meetings are and when I cannot be disturbed but....still comes waltzing in ad hoc! Also sends the kids in which is just so stressful. As I point out, if I was in the office, he would not be able to reach me and would have an extra 3 hours(travel) of me not being in the house. Source of massive friction and feels like complete disrespect as well as reverting to toddler behaviour by my partner (suddenly unable to make decisions, make phone calls etc!)

[@katieb.1184]

I just don't get it. I'm a SAHM and homeschool our kids... my hubs did WFH one or two days a week pre-plague, now he'll occasionally get called into the office but is still mostly home. I've maybe gone into his man cave ten times total over the years (during work hours) and usually it was me grabbing something from his shelves (we keep the not-kid-approved tapes, glues, and paints in there), one time when I headed to urgent care with a kiddo having a full body rash, and then dropping off tea when he was sick. I trained my kids to know that door closed means he can't be bothered except emergencies. Its not that hard.

[@sammieg8641]

He couldn’t help it?! Well he is about to help his way to a divorce… how completely disgusting

[@eph2vv89only1way]

Thank goodness she “broke up a relationship that was headed toward engagement “! If op hadn’t facilitated the break up the ex girlfriend would be trapped and abused in a controlling relationship. Op is the hero

[@SS-te4hs]

When did people start believing that they don’t have to apologize??? An accident or “not on purpose” is even more of a reason to apologize!

[@elizabethrhone5516]

So, OP’s mom after being constantly told Joey is allergic to the food she cooks never thought “I should cook food he can eat”??? No- she wanted to lord over Joey abs make him do what she wants because “that’s how she was raised/ you do what adults say and you respect your elders” Good that Joey called her out, and at the formal dinner too. Play stupid games win stupid prizes. I hope her embarrassment has lasting effect and makes her pause before any other interaction. She’s as ass

[@paulinadeboer3604]

No the mother did not, she doesn't even get the change to Cook for Joey because husband started this from the beginning with bringing meals for his kid.. it is disrespectfull. Every grsndmother will take alllergi in consideration if Mention. It is a lack of trust in her mum cooking. And the things that kid say, sorry he is a rude brat.

[@elizabethrhone5516]

@@paulinadeboer3604 ahh yes.. I eating for someone like you to pop up. - OP’s mom was informed of Joey’s medical issue. - This isn’t the 1st time they’ve eaten at her house. What you think OP & family would just leave it “a mystery” why Joey always has a meal brought? - OP’s mom is rude & condescending to Joey. - did OP’s mom share what she used to cook the food? No. She just decided “I’m going to teach him; respect me” - she should’ve respected Joey’s medical relayed good concerns - she shushed OP, as if trying to show her how to parent “he will eat my food” - she tried to take his plate, then tried to use “you’ll make grandma sad” & hoped that plus social pressure would make him hand over his food - Joes acted in the appropriate way. It’s very important that he not let ppl try and coerce him to eat food that could be dangerous for him. -OP’s mom should feel embarrassed. Her stubborn and illogical thought process brought this on herself. The social pressure she tried to use was turned back on her.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

Maybe mother took notice of this and made food he could eat. But hubby did not trust her from the beginning. It is a distrust in her mum. And saying someone is allergic is not the same telling someone fot what he is allergic. There are a lot of details missing except the fact she said the brat talks like a 30 year old to everyone.

[@paulinadeboer3604]

@@elizabethrhone5516 btw an another post of this op says hubby makes al the meals for son at home too. Would you say op would not Cook meals without the things he is allergic too. Hubby is a controle freak with a big mouth. Like op says he talked like his father. And she is enable this behaviour.

[@katieb.1184]

@@paulinadeboer3604 "mom complained and said we were letting him be spoiled rotten by not eating the food at the table" this doesn't sound like a grandma making acceptable food. it sounds like she thought the kid was just being picky. I've had relatives who thought I was "overreacting" and "being dramatic" when I would explain my child was allergic to disposable diapers- even when I explained he would have raw skin, rashes, and hives from all the brands we tried and that it went away with cloth. People do not always respect allergies. People similarly gave me crap when he was on an elimination diet for his ezcema. my other kiddo has sensory issues and my dad will get mad that he leaves "perfectly good meat" on his plate - it's the gristle.

[@teecee5202]

Geez the redditors acting like the dude committed a war crime and is evil for calling her by her old nickname smh professionally getting offended for someone else.

[@monicatorres7172]

About the bearded dragon. I was about to comment that this may have been used as a learning experience for the sister. I think it's great that she spontaneously transfered the knowledge to others in the net. It's high time people (especially younger people) are informed why if you are to play tricks with exotic pets you must first check about the pet in particular, and its tolerance to substances, etc. Good for both siblings.

[@pagee7452]

Bob call the police and have her arrested for stealing your son's stuff so that's what she did

[@hanananah]

"Didn't know it would hurt him." Not an excuse. I Google every plant I buy and all "people food" I might want to share with my pets to make sure it's safe first. Edit: Good ending. Respect for OP. Reminds me a lot of the meeting I had with my mom to discuss why she shouldn't buy margarine any more when I was 12. I'm especially glad the sister publicly admitted what she did was wrong.

[@franciebelcher4594]

OP, NTA. I wouldn't want to even have a gf that feels comfortable being called a sexist nickname. Seems like she doesn't respect herself very much. Do u 2 plan on kids? Will she allow ppl 2 call her that in front of the kids?

[@sharonblevins3281]

Your SIL is a bad person for dumping your baby products. Who does she think she is?! NTA

[@rsmith6425]

ALWAYS have a contract regardless of the personal connection

[@jessicathompson236]

First story; NTA. From the sounds of the story, she is majorly overstepping by pretending that she is your husband's wife and your child's mother. It seems she was just out to steal your husband and your child even before conception. I don't agree with adoption or surogacy, but SHE agreed to carrying YOUR child. I see alot of problems in your future with that woman AND her family. Remove the credit cards. Cancel them entirely. She has no reason to buy a bunch of stuff for YOUR baby.

[@unoriginalquote8132]

Just out of curiosity, what do you mean you don't agree with adoption or surrogacy?

[@murlocholmes4684]

How do you not agree with adoption sorry?

[@ravanpee1325]

It's her child and not yours before the adoption/ legal status is changed

[@jessicathompson236]

@@ravanpee1325, Unless the child was created with her egg, it's not hers.

[@adrianmcbride1666]

@@ravanpee1325 there is no adoption here. Surrogacy is specefifically a situation where you are not adopting a child, the child is already yours but you are having another woman give birth to the child (the child has non of the surrogates dna).

[@Ecclectic_citcelccE]

OP couldn't help it. The lock was a spontaneous purchase. LOL

[@Alx-di6pt]

1st story: ESH Cast: S (surrogate) F(surrogate sister) So OP knew that S lost her 4 y/o to an accident yet when F sugessted that S should be the surrogate OP still accepted it? Are you telling me that OP,OPs Husband,OPs Family, F and S family decited that a single mother who's 4 y/o died in an accident would be a great surrogate and she will have no problem with it? Yes i get that S accepted to be the surrogate so she souldn't be crying about it But imagine you're a Woman who had to raise a kid on your own for 4 years then lose him in an accident and probably still be in grief about it then you have to carry a baby for 9 months only to give it away to someone else (Without even signing a contract) Yes she's definetively overstepping in OP and her Husbands life and that very bad but i think S developed an emotional bond with the baby and sees it as her second chance to be a mother (considering whet i stated above) wich is unfortunate considering she has to give the baby to OP I'm not defending S but im not defending OP either everyone is an Asshole for thinking this woman (S) would be ok with carrying ang giving away her baby after her previos one died (Sorry for the lack of punctuation and bad grammar )

[@emilybarclay8831]

She’s a grown ass woman who should be trusted to not be a baby stealing psycho. 99% of people who lose babies don’t go crazy from it. She lost her child, guessing from the general time frame, at least 5 years ago. I’m not saying she’s not grieving, but she didn’t go straight from losing her child to being pregnant. She agreed to it, she appeared healthy, she was recommended by a friend. How is any of that OP’s fault?

[@Alx-di6pt]

@@emilybarclay8831 listen dude i said it clearly that everyone is an a-hole (Op's family, S family) Did literaly nobody thought a woman who's child died would be fine with carying another child for 9 months and won't feel the slightest attachmen to it? It doesn't matter if her child died 4 years ago or 5 years ago or 6 years ago. If her first child died she souldn't be a surrogate ! Everyone in their right mind would tell you a woman who had to go trought that souldn't be a surrogate because they would get too attached to the baby! Yes the S accepted to be a surrogate maybe she wanted to help her friend(OP) become a mother, or god knows why she accepted Yes i get that S is going nuts and is acting weird as fuck and is overstepping in OP's and her Husbands life's and that why S is an a-hole But litteraly everyone os an idiot in this story for not thinking it would be a bad idea to make S a sureogate

[@ravanpee1325]

@@Alx-di6pt That's one of the reasons surrogating should be banned for human trafficking

[@grootsChannel]

@@ravanpee1325 you just hate infertile people, huh

[@ravanpee1325]

@@grootsChannel You can adopt kids, if you can't have kids on your own use IVF. If it doesn't work, learn to cope with that fact.

[@katieb.1184]

THAT IS NOT GHOSTING! She ended the relationship before disappearing. She did not ghost him. Se broke it off and then blocked him. He got dumped, not ghosted.

[@carolgibson-wilson4354]

She is capable of defending herself. Her nickname doesn't bother her. You spoke with her. She knows you don't like it, but you know she doesn't care. Leave it.

[@mb8787]

"Joey was behaving like a spoiled brat..." 😂 then "grandma" must be proud...(!) He clearly takes after her, if that's true...(!!) 😂🎉👏

[@jessiec1384]

The man who has an ex that is pregnant that wants him to help her buy stuff, my ex is going through something similar. They are still together but the paternity is still kind of sketchy, she got him super drunk one night and did the deed without protection and that's how she supposedly got pregnant. His entire family calls bull shit but he is giving her money every week. I told him that all that does is show he is taking responsibility for it which in family court can screw him over. She doesn't want to do a paternity test but he said he won't sign the BC without doing it. Everything seems to point at her trying to trap him but hey, he will throw his money wherever he wants 🤷🏼‍♀️ Refusing to do a paternity test is always a red flag. Either they know you aren't the dad, or, they know it's possible you aren't.

[@TheKnightofAwesomeness]

Your ex is a idiot

[@DelphineTheWorstBladeEver]

I hope you found someone better, with a spine.

[@lexiburrows8127]

Over the formula-thrown-away story, yes we ALL know that Breast is Best, but it is NOT always possible. I could not produce enough milk for my daughter so I HAD to supplement with formula. Babies would die in the past unless the family could get a wet-nurse in this situation.

[@pagee7452]

Google had her arrested for stealing your son's stuff that'll make it that would set her straight why don't you have her arrested for stealing

[@ThatOddChickenHippie]

Holy hell that lady shouldn't be a therapist AT ALL! I hope OP reports her!

[@shannonwolff2599]

For the bearded dragon story, I too am impressed at how well the OP handled explaining the situation to both their parents and the sister. Of course the sister didn't mean any harm by it but as they say the road to hell is paved with good intentions and meaning no harm doesn't always equal DOING no harm. Especially where an animal is concerned she should have asked about doing that before she did it. Of course I'm not surprised a 15yr old wouldn't think of that but hopefully this teaches her a lesson about things you DON'T know CAN hurt you or someone else!!!

[@kateworkman921]

In the story where the brother's ex-girlfriend is being hidden by OP and the mom is insisting the relationship was "close to engagement," I'm betting the mom was purposely wearing rose-colored glasses, thinking the ex-girlfriend could "fix" her monster of a son.

[@aprilgosa5779]

Second Story As a woman I see OPs POV he was defending his girlfriend if being called bald hurts his feelings he should not dish out nicknames at all she may be ok with it but what if that had been her daddy not her BF she may be able to defend herself but any man would defend their woman or any woman in their family or their lives and that is what OP was doing what if her Dad had been there would these guys keep that talk up?

[@Ecanbee]

Phew, throwing away a ton of baby supplies including formula makes my BLOOD BOIL!

[@lisemartino1995]

I’m a doula, and highly educated on newborn care, so this story gets on my nerves. Mothers need to find their own way, and be supported in their choices. Perhaps I could support her to exclusively breastfeed, but most women don’t get the initial support that they need, there is a sensitive period beyond which the baby cannot learn to latch. However, ultimately she knows what she and her baby wants and needs. Cloth nappies/diapers are fantastic, but they need a certain amount of dedication and work, not all women are up to it, and you need to pick your battles. There are more important hills to die on! I want to send a hug to all women who make alternative choices that make sense for them and their baby.

[@sharolynwells]

my breast milk didn't have enough butter fat in it, even though I wanted to breast feed both my girls. So I had to bottle feed them both.

[@lisemartino1995]

@@sharolynwells I’m so sorry to hear that. I had a similar problem with my son, who had a tongue-tie and couldn’t latch well enough to get my hind milk (the part with all the fats). The most important thing is that your girls thrived well in order to grow. Having a loving and caring mother will have helped them to grow into wonderful children, and then adults.

[@noniakamai2458]

As a doula myself I couldn’t agree more! While I was able to breastfeed and used cloth diapers… not everyone can or wants to! Definitely cheaper to use cloth diapers, nurse, and make your own baby food, but not everyone has the time/energy for that! We want happy healthy babies not hungry grumpy babies.

[@katieb.1184]

I love seeing people in immediate postnatal care like this. I had a nurse who made me cry for choosing formula. We had come to the decision with my psychiatrist, deciding when I'd get back on my medications... I was confident that this was the best path for my family and she was rude, dismissive and downright awful about me not breastfeeding since I should've put babies first instead of being selfish. I did not need that in such a vulnerable time while trying to care for two newborns in a family that had no tips on multiples... luckily, when we had to switch the younger twin to cloth diapers early on, I had a SIL to help me out. that transition was so amazing in comparison to feeding. I promise you, this attitude is not only beautiful but can be lifesaving for certain mental health issues. I went through times I thought my twins were better off without me (I ended up with PPA and that nurse's words replayed in my mind many times)

[@lisemartino1995]

@@katieb.1184 i am SO sorry to hear that you had such a horrendous experience. If the mum needs to take medication that is EXACTLY the reason they need to formula feed. If you had listen to that despicable woman you would have ALL suffered - what you did was the LEAST selfish thing, you gave your little ones a mother who was healthy and able to take care of all their needs. I send you out so much love and support, I’m sure you’re an amazing mother.

[@aletakey3600]

About the lock on the office door. I would tell husband that she wouldn't be available if she left the house to GO to the office. DAD needs to step up & parent HIS own kids! The lock stays. NTA.

[@mb8787]

If SIL is more than 6 months postpartum, her breastmilk really isn't the best for newborn babies, from what I've seen stated...

[@hanananah]

We call our almost 11 year old Weimaraner Grumpus too. He's a lumpy, cranky old man with balance issues and anxiety. I hope old man grumps is still living peacefully.

[@minagica]

I wonder what feedback my mom would get if she posted to this subreddit about my childhood 🙄

[@katieb.1184]

mine would be getting a lot of the "missed missing reasons" or whatever that phrase is. I've heard her recalling things where I'm the bad guy and I'm always like... you're forgetting a big part of this story. Recent example where she complained to her friends and my sister and my sister sent me a screen shot, turned into a reddit post: AITA For Caring About My Daughter Who Is Pregnant With Twins??? I hadn't heard from her all afternoon and left work early to go check on her! she yelled at me for being ridiculous and my SIL took her side! Me: Yeah, but I work nights and had fatigue as my main pregnancy symptom but still had issues falling asleep- you barged into my house after maybe 90 minutes of me not answering my phone, and you were yelling in a panic and woke me up from a nap. CONTEXT, WOMAN!

[@stewartann816]

"Nick" needs to be arrested or at the least restraining order

[@arleneroberts8886]

Don’t do it, no matter how much you give. It won’t be enough

[@eph2vv89only1way]

Amazing that the counselor found a way to time travel here from the 50s. Personal friend of Marty McFly or Doc Brown? That’s the only thing I can think of to explain the attitude about a “good wife”.

[@fluffychan6000]

Who does surrogacy without a contract?

[@katieb.1184]

lmao. we had that rule in place for my old girl, too. only instead of aggression, she was petrified of dogs. (not the one in my pfp or the video on my page- that's Ciaran) We just had to let her go at almost 18 years old... and a month later welcomed a very dumb but very adorable cat into our house.

[@SCUBASUEReynard]

I don’t understand how she doesn’t tell her mom that “ Mom you are torturing my son of course he wants to eat your food but he has food allergies . Know he doesn’t want to make you feel bad after he breaks out in hives then gets rushed to the hospital . if he dies he knows you will feel awful to your dying day.” If you want I can come over give you the instructions and help you make the meal. This is a life and death matter for our family.

[@starlaaster523]

Sil threw your baby's food away, knowing you couldn't keep him feed breast milk alone. So she doesn't care that your child starves. She doesn't deserve any contact with your child.

[@sammieg8641]

Don’t give her money unless you have a paternity test… otherwise she could use it against you to claim that you knew it was your kid

[@LadyDragon11135]

I made my baby brother beat me at a racing game. I did actually ask him if he wanted to let him win and he sheepishly nodded yes, but instead I gave him a lesson on how to drive better and what to do and what he needs to do Now I can’t beat him 😂

[@browniewin4121]

1) Seems OP's husband should have declined to take her calls or go with her without OP. She is totally crazy and very much overstepping, and you were crazy to not have a legal agreement in place. YTA for getting into this mess. This was not a friend to set them up like this and the surrogate should have zero say in baby name or baby raising. What is going on here that the husband has been going along with this? 2) GF is right, she is an adult, they are her friends, and this was overstepping, YTA. 3) OP's wife is not his son's parent, he has a mother. She needs to back off and stop harassing his son, she has no right to demand answers to intrusive questions. OP YTA for thinking under any circumstances the phone should be accessed by his wife and forNTA, mom is being not protecting his son form his overbearing wife. 4) It is the 'grandma' who is being the AH, no way should he be punished by being abused and endangered by her stupid ideas and lack of respect and regard. He was not being a spoiled brat, she does not deserve an apology, and he does not deserve punishment for sticking up for himself when faced with such crazy entitlement of forget your allergies, it's my food or nothing. She is gawdawful. She embarrassed herself in front of the guests. Like OP's son said, she needs to "get over it". Stop going to her house since she is willing to abuse and harm the kid. 5) They did not have any right to throw away what OP bought and do need to pay for it to be replaced. Honestly, after the refusal I would have contacted the police and filed charges for theft. Not being unreasonable to say they are not welcome back. 6) OP's inheritance, OP's future, NTA to keep it and use it as intended. Ignore and block if necessary this demanding sister and her husband. Never give them anything because it is obvious it would never get paid back. His health is not your responsibility. The friend gave excellent advice. 7) NTA, good for giving real consequences for selfish, disrespectful, and cruel behavior. Don't back down.

[@Wikita007]

Regarding the uncle that told his nephews about their father's passing, he was way out of line. My eldest had a very strong bond with my dad, and when he was suddenly hospitalized and then passed two days later, it took me days before I processed it and was ready to tell her. All she knew was that he had gotten sick and the ambulance took him to the hospital to get better. He passed on a Thursday, and I was only able to tell her on Sunday, and even then, my Mom and brother had to be there with me for support. It's still one of the saddest things I've ever had to do. She was only 7 at that time and loved him so very much. The kids' mom in the story barely had any time to process that her husband died, before she had to face her kids and console them. Yeah, OP's husband was definitely the AH.

[@hiphopapotamus6913]

Husband that told kids their dad died story: my “friend did this to me, my 9 month old sister was in the hospital with a blood infection and I was a mess (14 at the time) I had a guy friend that had a thing for me but I wasn’t interested and I couldn’t fathom why he thought I would be more interested with my baby sister in the hospital. When she passed my sister who was friends with his older sister called him to see if he could conform me (not sure why to this day as we never hugged or had any sort of physical contact..like not even a hand shake) because my sister had passed. She told him not to tell us and just to meet her and my parents at our place. He rushed over had me come outside, sat me down and told me and I lost it. He then said “it’s okay cause now we can be together since you won’t be stressed out about this anymore” I freaked out on him and never spoke to him again. Ppl that go against others wishes do it to insert themselves into others lives to that they can have control or be special because they change that persons life without consent. It’s disgusting and should never be tolerated or justified. OP needs to think about what he did really hard.

[@MM-zg4bc]

Breastfeeding: I was barely able to produce anything and had to use formula. The worst was my third baby. I managed to breastfeed for a few weeks before I had to switch because my son kept loosing weight. It was the worst because I was so happy that I was able to breastfeed only to be told that I was barely producing and needed to switch.

[@scarlett2x]

They can sell everything for his surgery.. I'm betting they have health insurance. What most people don't realize is you can negotiate with hospitals on bills. As someone with a lot health problems you never let it go. Your sister made her decisions for her part of the inheritance. Even if her hubby weren't sick they have a couple of kids that will probably need help with college. I hope the OP of that story used her money to go to college.

[@katieb.1184]

step one: ask for an itemized list

[@martinrusev3502]

The food alleries one: I have allergy towards seafood and peanuts. I don't want to kick the bucket and will ask people if it's ok if I brink something for me because I don't want to fricking die. People never had a problem with that. OP's mom is throwing tantrums like a child. That being said, OP should talk to her husband because, while it's good Joey stands for himself, smartmouthing the wrong people will get him in trouble.. The hoddie story: Maybe next time, Leo will learn how to behave towards other people's property. NTA. OP's ex is an idiot. Mario Cart winning story: OP is 100% TA. Even if Tony didn't have autism, throwing tantrums like that is inexcusable. It's good that Jack got an early gift from Santa.

[@MariMotherofGoblins]

Something no one discussed about the old man cat, was pets get really expensive in old age. My old man is on expensive food, vitamins, medications. His teeth are old and bad from his homeless tomcat days, so soft treats and wet foods only. Puppies are also expensive. Paying for both at the same time would be really expensive

[@lina9535]

This story, 19:52 , I would have been so petty. It's obvious the mom cares about "impressions" with her guests, so what better thing to do than expose her behaviour in front of the "formal guests". "Mom, I've told you that Joey has allergies and intolerances, so can you just please let him have his plate. Or don't you care about his health?" Exposure for the mom trying to, potentially, put Joey in harms way, and how disrespectful she is being to Joey. OR, if OP knows who the guests were, contact them now after the fact, and apologize to them "for making a scene with my mom because she refuses to acknowledge that Joey has allergies and can't eat her food."

[@lkuhhdsfgasdgvdadfg]

The woman with the tantrum kid. This is why peer pressure and bullying are good things. The entire redit is all about that. It helps people identify bad behavior and change.

[@dinaashford-more1172]

Britney sounds like a con artist and trying to move in on OP’s husband!

[@annabordelon6663]

Tell brother and SIL to sell their TV

[@stuffedninja1337]

1:13:00 - My nephew was and is like this, and has moderate to severe autism, so I wasn’t surprised to hear it was ASD. My sister does her best, but the area they live in now has next to no resources (really wish they could have stayed down in this part of the state-occupational and speech therapy had him totally hitting milestones, but he’s regressed bad up there). Hope that OP and their family are doing okay.

[@tennesseedogpack]

Hoodie story: this is why physical punishment should always be an option in situations like this

[@BankruptMonkey]

You are failing at the grandma game if you don't go out and buy allergy free cookbooks and learn to adapt your favorite recioes to be safe for an allergic grandkid. If you are going to show love to a child throw food then actually show love through cooking instead of weaponizing it.

[@theresaschuebel5151]

My uncle Norman was 19 when my grandfather adopted him. He was born in 1938 and adopted in 1958.

[@sammieg8641]

Ummm they don’t take your bio dad or bio mom off your birth certificate when you are adopted at any age… that’s not how that works

[@lorifiedler13]

No. I want YOU to act like I'm not here while I'm working.

[@stephjovi]

the sick brother in law story: the real A hole is the US health system. Absolutely nuts to bag for money for someone to get needed health treatment

[@Marstic666]

Lol I have zero sympathy for OP. I'm so tired of couples who pick immature 20-something friends/family to be a surrogate instead of going through surrogate agencies. They wanted to avoid the red tape/cost and are now all shocked pikachu face that its working against them. Play stupid games, win a lifelong custody battle.

[@AllistorMichelle]

i would have called him MPB as well. the nickname that gf is fine with is gross and sexist. wtf is she banging them on the side for her to have so little respect for herself?

[@lina9535]

Chloe is indeed a teenager, BUT she's also an adult. I'd honestly tell Chloe and her Karen of a mother that of they don't get Kevin's stuff back, I'd see them in small claims court. OP's wife is a grade A doormat

[@krysd8594]

For the lock story. Op is NOT an AH. Apparently husband can't understand not barging in while she's working so the lock is necessary as apparently that's what he does understand. I'm honestly concerned for OP as it sounds like OP is doing almost everything even though the husband doesn't work. The letting brother win story. Always letting the 8yo win isn't a good idea. By that age he should understand you don't always win and how to be a good sport about it. I would still let him win occasionally so he doesn't get disheartened but not all the time. It's just going to set an awful precedent and cause more problems and entitlement down the road. Also the husband and sisters are right that the 8yo should lose his 3ds to the 10yo since he broke the 10yo's console. Also make the 8yo work to get another one (household chores, odd jobs etc.)

[@Slithery]

For that DS story my mum would have been utterly livid if one of my brother or I broke anything of the others in such a way

[@austinbuscaglia8705]

The bunk bed thing, me and my brother shared a room for majority of our youth, and we switched between them until he got older and decided nah I get the bottom. That being said we were young and he four years older then me, can't imagine being older essentially adults not being able to find a compromise. But we fought over the bottom bunk, heat rises cold goes down, and we both wanted cold lol

[@ettinakitten5047]

1:04:39 Under normal circumstances no, you shouldn't get a lock to lock up part of your home without discussing it with your partner or giving them a key. It's their home, too, it's not good to lock people out of parts of their own home. But in this situation, I think it's understandable. Ugh, this is a tough one. I feel like there's going to need to be some serious discussions about their relationship and whether they really want to stay married.

[@civivva4501]

I was so hoping to get an update on the surrogate storyline.

[@aprilgosa5779]

First story the idiot that suggested that hubby and surrogate are having an affair is a jerk and the other being so hard on husband is too they did not know what they were getting into Friend and Sister are the ones to blame here not OPs Hubby! or OP they are new to this I agree with the early comments Ashley may be planning to replace her lost child and also take your hubby

[@pansprayers]

No, there's SOMETHING going on there. My husband wouldn't put up with day one of this sh*t from a surrogate, or a stranger on the street. Strange.

[@tegantalks9612]

@@pansprayers agreed, my boyfriend would be sticking up for me if someone put me on blast like that.

[@coralrose5754]

I think your wrong about the affair comment. The husband is acting pretty suspect. And a affair between the surrogate and husband isn’t impossible either

[@slimeinabox]

41:00 OP should inform his bio-son that he clearly did something wrong when raising him and suggest that he go and live with his mother.

[@denises3630]

I cant believe someone would spread butter on a bearded dragon! That is not fun for Phil, keep him away from your sister OP