/r/ShittySuperPowers

[@itsromaniguess3448]

Me talking to plastic: what does it feel like to be plastic The Kardashians: stop bothering us

[@uwnoodle]

LOL

[@Styxintheriver]

DAMMIT I was too late for the joke

[@MichaelRoma91]

😂fuck

[@grimgrom3355]

Damn makes ya think

[@johannesviljoen9656]

10/10 good meme

[@adammullarkey4996]

How about this one: Whenever you get into a fight, you both get one random superpower from this subreddit.

[@Dinoman972]

Do you get to keep the superpower after the fight?

[@adammullarkey4996]

@@Dinoman972 No, because then, after 100 fights, you'd have 100 useless superpowers, which is just stupid. Let's say, it lasts until the fight ends, at which point the superpower stops working and you are stuck in whatever state you find yourself at that moment. For instance, if the superpower was flight (obviously not a shitty superpower, but for the purpose of explanation), you instantly lose the ability to fly, and fall to the ground.

[@patrickanderson62]

Imagine just in some random argument you get the ability to become a goose

[@adammullarkey4996]

@@everettlee4831 Only by trying it. You know how to use it, but not what it will do. If it's a one-shot thing, like permanently turning into a goose, that's it: you're a goose now. If it's a multiple-use thing, then you can continue using it, and, obviously, you now know what it is.

[@letmetakeajormungandrattha8591]

YES

[@sprucesoultree3833]

1:00 The lore for Untitled Goose Game we didn't know we needed at first.

[@mustlovedonuts9233]

Hopefully we'll get a prequel game of pressing the goose button

[@thelameys9232]

Noone knew it, but the goose was John all along. He had an extreme love of bells, and one day his goose button got pressed on accident, and this is his way of trying to let everyone know. Noone pays him any mind except being a nuisance, so he is stuck getting the bell, over and over again, waiting for someone to make the connection to his dissapearance.

[@featherycoffee1401]

Fancy, seeing you here, BDG Stan who commented "Ben Shapiro using mayonnaise as toothpaste is so accurate." on Cer Spence' latest video

[@sprucesoultree3833]

@@featherycoffee1401 Ah, hello.

[@lisaferrin5578]

What's your relationship with your father like

[@freshpeanut4967]

The goose one could be summed up as, “Once you go quack, you never go back”

[@ngislaboratories997]

LMAOOO YEAHHHG

[@justcallmesteve9123]

You can throw a boomerang in a perfectly straight line. On the other hand, you can throw any object, and make it fly like a boomerang, as long as you are willing to throw it full force.

[@thehiddenninja3428]

That's an amazing power! Everyone would _love_ to have their own Mjolnir

[@justcallmesteve9123]

@@thehiddenninja3428 would you throw a hammer full force and catch it?

[@purplefirefox2462]

You could do what captain America does with his shield and how it always comes back some how!

[@huskyzz0744]

Imagine just picking up a shoe and just YEETING the bitch and have it come back, awesome parting trick

[@XalconKugelBlitz]

Throwing away depression at full force, only to get it back at full force.

[@pizzanut180]

Everytime you sneeze you can see yourself in third person

[@wolfegeist7808]

You toggle from 1st and 3nd person every time you sneeze

[@Mikeological]

@@wolfegeist7808 but it has to be a genuine sneeze, not a forced/fake one

[@wolfegeist7808]

@@Mikeological that’s the evilest thing I can imagine

[@epicjew3260]

Guess ive got a shitty superpower

[@tyroidcrei4918]

bam, you sneeze and see an assassin about to strike. You ninja your way out.

[@epicswordmewz7007]

If you stare into someone's eyes long enough, you will give them a light headache.

[@aidanmuller3358]

*insert Harry Potter joke*

[@pencilgaming1233]

I don't need to stare at them to give them a headache 😎

[@patrickanderson62]

I want this

[@1FenFen1]

I already get a light headache when people look at me

[@patrickanderson62]

@@1FenFen1 Vengance

[@Matt-sw4wk]

Start a farmers market selling eggs for insanely high prices that people can't decline

[@ZhadTheRad]

But that's not a shitty power for you

[@zljmbo]

You would basically have the power of the Invisible Hand

[@microTrash28]

@@ZhadTheRad He’s talking about the egg power in the video.

[@garlicbreadstick404]

**HowToBasic intensifies*

[@NAME-yg8sl]

That's a great power! I could start an egg empire!

[@sarahd3422]

You will always know the location of a certain grain of sand of your choice

[@stefan6347]

You can use this to find the location of someone at all times by just puting a grain of sand in their car or jacket, so it's not that useless

[@sarahd3422]

Stephan Stefanus oh wow I did not think that that would be very useful. That’s cool!

[@theguythatasked6400]

Attach the sand to their goose button, so you always know where they are, unless their goose button is pressed.

[@HamsterPants522]

@@andershwang2376 bruh if you showed up to the pentagon with a provable superpower then they'd fucking kidnap your ass and run experiments on you in secret.

[@captainrelyk]

are you a wings of fire fan and is your profile pic a sandwing?

[@spencerthestupidsamurai7326]

You can fly, just a centimeter above the ground. Only solid ground, can’t walk on water.

[@subsume7904]

That would be pretty sweet tbh

[@spencerthestupidsamurai7326]

You could get a job navigating minefields.

[@markkealy4417]

no fall damage

[@IHateSmilingFriendsTheTVShow]

Could be a sick party trick

[@iejiuuug68k]

Well you wouldn't trip anymore

[@ForciblySquished]

The egg power would be sick! You could just enter deals with people saying “if you accept my egg I get all your belongings” and just sign a legally binding contract

[@spindash64]

Cuddly McDoominator Or you could just offer them a nice egg in these trying times

[@ashleyyang2510]

I would raise chickens

[@wellguesswhatIthink]

It didn't say you could bargain

[@unknownplite]

Hey Jeff Besos, want to buy an egg for all of your money? Sure man!

[@NovemberEighty]

What person would willingly sign a legally binding contract that would mean they could potentially lose all their belongings?

[@eggy6127]

The reason soothouse stopped uploading is because their cleaning business took off.

[@LittleIcarus]

They all turned into fucking geese

[@KrNatiButDead]

@@LittleIcarus wilbur is the only one who has not turned into a goose

[@alecchristiaen4856]

tbf Soothouse legit sounds like a cleaning business

[@1FenFen1]

@@KrNatiButDead he's the one who turn them to geese.

[@frogdrewathing8095]

@@1FenFen1 o h n o

[@wyattsmithee4332]

every time you say yee the person physically closest to you HAS TO SAY haw

[@shanechenmusic]

wyatt smithee perfect. You can find who is closest to you, even when they are hiding.

[@impulsewraith3419]

@@shanechenmusic so burglars can now now if someone is hiding inside the house they are burglaring

[@shanechenmusic]

@@impulsewraith3419 If you are lost, you can just keep yelling yee and eventually you will hear someone yell back haw after walking around a bit.

[@shanechenmusic]

@@impulsewraith3419 You can check if someone is pretending to be dead by yelling yee at them

[@impulsewraith3419]

@@shanechenmusic ikr

[@bruhmoment24]

SootHouse Window Cleaning™ "We take the Soot off your House"

[@xendral6329]

Drink wayer while cleaning windows

[@legendarydragon7097]

Then untitled goose game comes out and makes this a reality.

[@copernicusepoch]

What copy of the game have you been playing?

[@legendarydragon7097]

DragoStormGames the one on the switch? Where you play as a goose?

[@copernicusepoch]

@@legendarydragon7097 I was making a joke, because the power is that you can become a goose, but *only once.*

[@legendarydragon7097]

DragoStormGames it was but you can’t turn back

[@Primal_aspid.]

the internet pressed the goose button

[@saraklingenborg7897]

You can summon a 40 year old alabamian man named Steven who can only talk about crabsticks and his tractor named bertha

[@hossdelgado626]

Does he have the ability to summon Bertha? If so, hell yeah

[@ngislaboratories997]

YOOOOOO SICK DOE

[@Lucifersfursona]

Pls like Steven isn’t the best stand I could ever ask for

[@hossdelgado626]

@@Lucifersfursona He'd be useful as hell during harvest season

[@Cardinalt]

Now that is a useful stand.

[@ohno6594]

You physically cannot say "Tuesday" on a tuesday

[@Jabberwoot]

Instead you say "it was the heat of the moment"

[@tuser8]

I already have a variation of this.

[@GemA2Gen]

-Hey what day is it today? -It's TueUHH

[@anemoia3154]

mumflr fumperdink “what day is it?” *”MONDAY 2”*

[@divinity8900]

it is my dudes. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEAEHHEAHEHEAHH

[@xan9224]

With the egg one you can just straight up hand someone an egg with a bomb in it. Imagine being a superhero in a fight with the big bad, and out of nowhere the villain stops and accepts an egg from one of your teammates then promptly explodes.

[@thegodssin]

or the villain gives you an egg

[@pustota7254]

@@thegodssin and you accepts it

[@outspade]

can i offer you an egg in these trying times

[@fluffynator6222]

My grandmother knew someone who almost died picking up a hand granate thinking it's an egg... XD

[@UncleBort]

If a person rejects you, they will turn into a leather bound book.

[@fernbreeze723]

What do the books say? Can they still talk but by putting words onto the pages?

[@thr2648]

Respond pls

[@tidepodpadthai2633]

That sounds fine to me "So what's with all these leather books in your drawer?" "um-"

[@bbgsean6133]

I'm taking them

[@blankname3816]

Heavens door

[@hewhomainsness9189]

when you eat a cantelope, 10% of the time it tastes vaguely like a carrot

[@hossdelgado626]

Truly a wonderous 'super' power

[@mo0k452]

What the fuck is a “cantalope”

[@Carrot.Canvas]

@@mo0k452 a melon that can’t

[@marsmurderer9868]

@@Carrot.Canvas cant alope?

[@lilr6199]

​@Red Cyndaquil strong enough that you can taste it through the cantelope

[@itspuff3861]

3:47 Walking down the street and see a baby In a stroller with a 43 above its head *_Confusion intensifies_*

[@zachariasprice3762]

His counter didnt reset on reincarnation

[@picgmr1575]

@@zachariasprice3762 only 43?

[@no-xs8bk]

@@picgmr1575 maybe only some of it reset

[@liquidbogan4120]

You see me and the counter blocks vision

[@lilliegraham5066]

I think confused screaming intensifies might work better

[@shannons3419]

About the unpee thing: > Could be useful for incontinence and bed-wetting > The first time you use it, it's absolutely silent > It goes up one decibel with each use > Be 10th grader > Invited to sleepover > Run out of things to say and room gets silent, with everyone on their phone > Suddenly, you hear a large SCHLORP > Mfw somebody just unpeed

[@daniblabla709]

Unpee enough times and it can turn into a weapon. If you unpee 180 times, you can make a *S C H W O O P* as loud as a flashbang.

[@KainDestinedAscension]

@@daniblabla709 do it 1100 times and u create BLACKHOLES

[@bsixnshtns891]

How long did that take you?

[@citizenfoffie7605]

@BENJAMIN VERHAAREN r/theydidthemath

[@ekki1993]

@BENJAMIN VERHAAREN A black hole could be created from the energy of the sound though. And since decibels increase the sound exponentially, you would eventually get an energy black hole on a single unpee.

[@kingofhearts3831]

If you touch something with both hands, it immediately developed all organs needed to keep it alive and comes to life. Unfortunately, they all see you as their parent and you have to take care of them. You can train entire armies of potatoes to fight which is cool I guess.

[@nathanpixelkid]

THE_IRISH wants to know your location

[@butterskywalker8785]

honestly,that'd ruin my dream of fucking my phone

[@watergamer6446]

I'm sorry, your _what_

[@butterskywalker8785]

@@watergamer6446 you read it correctly

[@butterskywalker8785]

@@lazargaming5900 but I'd be like its parent

[@FrizellaTheBee]

Everyone in the Soothouse pressed their goose buttons and that's why the channel ended _Only Wilbur is left_

[@zaneo2037]

What about Charlie

[@finlandfromtheswedishempir78]

@@zaneo2037 His last vid was 1 year ago

[@zaneo2037]

@@finlandfromtheswedishempir78 o h

[@synexiasaturnds727yearsago7]

@@finlandfromtheswedishempir78 fuck

[@veryoriginalname2515]

@@synexiasaturnds727yearsago7 well hes back nlw, if im true with the assumption that this charlie is slimecicle charlie

[@A-Ner2]

Whenever you fart, confetti comes out and a birthday horn is tooted (Even if the fart is silent).

[@adventureinc.9769]

Adrim theToaofMetal Does it appear outside your pants or do you just have to walk around with confetti in your pants.

[@Anamamamams]

I... I... HOW DO YOU RESPOND TO THAT

[@takealilpill347]

It's your birthday? Pull my finger!

[@harleydavidson06]

imagine when you are at a funeral and everybody is deep emotional. And suddenly you have to fart and have that superpower😬🤣🤣

[@xx_somescenecath0lic_xx888]

I like my own comments you should like them too HAHAHAHAH

[@bens.5621]

Every two weeks, your testicles swell, detach and then regrow, allowing you to farm them like apples.

[@FrancisR420]

That's not how you farm apples

[@Soitisisit]

But why though.

[@eggomyweggo6576]

Soitisisit balls don’t just grow off the vine you know. Gotta supply the market somehow

[@saddoggo1085]

Ben S. But do they expire

[@tereziipyrope]

P r o f i t

[@victoriablake3826]

When you come back from catholic school but you turned into a goose

[@francissoto3027]

Oof

[@ahumanbeing8240]

Oh no

[@TheDarkestStar1]

Good lord....

[@crazycupcakes9549]

Oh.... I get it..... Oh.....

[@jimmyjohnjoejr]

That's how untitled goose game begins

[@ramen_kirby]

“If you offer someone an egg they will accept it irregardless of current events or their personality” Me who is allergic to eggs *nervous sweating*

[@payne267]

"would you like a nice egg in these trying times" danny devito

[@ramen_kirby]

Sure thing *oh no*

[@masterboa6321]

can i offer you an egg in this trying time

[@andrewfortmusic]

Well thankfully the word “irregardless” is a double negative so you don’t have to worry

[@Infinity-bd2zr]

@@andrewfortmusic I thought this too, only to find out that it’s grammatically correct and has the same meaning as “regardless”. Look it up… It annoys me very much.

[@just-a-silly-goofy-guy]

The ability to have a pen but then lose it after a single day

[@samc6974]

I really have that super power. Except they have to be pens I take from people wanting me to sign reciepts.

[@blom6566]

that ability could beat any human beings

[@brandonvistan7444]

I know some people with that ability.

[@13lack_Rose]

just sell the pens

[@jackbudi]

The ability to reply to all of your comments would be my super power. But I can’t find all of them. This is so sad, Alexa play the dead meme.

[@ilikecake1763]

A tattoo of a compass on the back of your hand that always points to the location of the nearest yurt

[@adus2821]

what the F R E A K is a yurt

[@vladzanoga4580]

@@adus2821 that's short for yoghurt

[@adus2821]

@@vladzanoga4580 its yogurt

[@tribeofephraim5801]

@@adus2821 no its yoghurt

[@tribeofephraim5801]

@@adus2821 but jokes aside,a yurt is a type of tent

[@brandonthomas1029]

There would be a lot of geese in prison. Circumcision doctors could make millions on the unpeel super power.

[@pgtv14]

I wish I could unpeel my foreskin

[@viktingg]

Why would you say that

[@Flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy]

@@gziddy7340 I mean you can

[@BierBart12]

@@Flyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy That wouldn't heal the destroyed nerves, though

[@meiguess3788]

whenever something mildly embarrassing happens you immediately turn into a rock until everyone who saw leaves.

[@hyrulefunk]

This is a god tier superpower

[@synexiasaturnds727yearsago7]

Perma-rock

[@tales527]

I'd just forever be a rock

[@fungusman3046]

The closest Asian person to you is outlined, which you can see, even through walls.

[@terrierlovesyou]

What happens if you're asian though

[@DevTook]

This is hilarious to me for some reason

[@puppup7041]

Why do I have an outline?

[@phonetheory7056]

Really helpful for detecting asian murderers.

[@CelestineGup]

Great for Vietnam war 2

[@totalhufflepuff203]

The greatest power would be where if you say "power rangers" out loud, the person physically farthest away from you (halfway around the world), would change into an unnatural color, like teal, salmon, or purple. Edit: wow I’m surprised this got so much recognition

[@failbuoy7810]

Imagine if someone had this power any of the times that someone went to the moon _That's one small step for AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA_

[@rgoldstien]

Oh yes my favourite colour is the fish salmon

[@totalhufflepuff203]

@@rgoldstien There is more than one type of salmon. The one I am referring to is the color salmon, which is a shade of pink.

[@totalhufflepuff203]

@Renee Park no you can't. It's completely random and if a person's color is already changed, it just becomes a different one. It can't turn back into the original unless you shout out "ginger snaps"

[@totalhufflepuff203]

@Renee Park yeah basically lol

[@anonymousalias.5059]

My superpower is that the police always know when I'm close to a playground or primary school

[@TwentySeventhLetter]

I believe that's called "Ankle Brace," very powerful

[@dwarfchicken]

@@TwentySeventhLetter Bracelet*

[@boftendfzxvc5833]

weird flex but ok

[@gentleman7407]

@@TwentySeventhLetter Not as powerful as the mythical scroll of paper also known as, "Restraining order"

[@gentleman7407]

@@alexosorio286 Sending minions is always a sign of weakness....

[@derpymule7977]

“Half of us stay here drinking shitloads of water and half of us go to Peru and become window cleaners.” What a fucking sentence.

[@shakazar1815]

This is why they stopped uploading

[@Trisaaru]

Shoutout to the guy who's number one in the Global Masturbation Leaderboard. We salute you.

[@RNeeko]

This leaderboard is bullshit! Those who've lived for longer have an unfair advantage and the new ones wouldn't have a chance to ever catch up until they're old men and the people on the top of the leaderboard have died! I suggest we use a monthly counter that keeps track of the top x amount of masturbators each month and gives you a score based on your position on the leaderboard at the end of the year which is then used to crown someone as the masturbator of the year. We'll have to make it fair and have duration play a big role as well, not just amount, but masterbating after you're already done masterbating also takes some willpower, so we can't just base it off of game time alone. A nice balance will have to be met. We'll be able to test this during the open early access phase.

[@kathaai]

its a girl and its me

[@Trisaaru]

Random nerd I guess

[@correctopinionguy72]

Haven't fapped for over 200+ days so what does that make me?

[@manlikemars2929]

@@correctopinionguy72 A Fornite player

[@shanechenmusic]

Goose button is perfect when you are about to die. Just become a Goose and then live for slightly longer.

[@Andyatl2002]

ShaneChenMusic, gooses don’t have long lifespans.

[@tacticalbarstool3385]

Andrea Yanome a Canadian can survive for up to 24 years

[@roteberg1]

@@tacticalbarstool3385 I didn't know the life expectancy of a Canadian was 24 years. I thought they had a normal life expectancy of 82 or what ever.

[@tacticalbarstool3385]

@@roteberg1 hah they aren't like humans

[@roteberg1]

@@tacticalbarstool3385 it was a joke on you not specifying Canadian geese. r/woooosh

[@briannaisokay2286]

I want a shirt that says something like "Once you hit the goose button, you can't go back."

[@WeGaming998]

Me approves

[@D1sc0rd-]

*_HISTORIAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!_* > spinal crackling

[@marsisgay936]

Imagining the conversations with the people who are confused, and those with the people who know what it means is really funny to me

[@savysmarty8621]

Here are some I have thought of: You can turn water room temperature. You can change purple colored things into indigo colored things. You can stare straight at the sun for 3 seconds longer than other people. You know the exact hex code color of an object when you look at it. Once a day, for 5 minutes, you can transform into a goose. When you hand paper to someone, they automatically get a paper cut.

[@Vicioussnakeboy]

*ah yes, my watch will be indigo and ill be a goose for 5 minutes at school even in a lesson and I turn water room temperature once every day*

[@catboysephiroth560]

As an artist I would KILL to automatically know the hex code of a color. That one's way too useful.

[@OrigamiAhsoka]

The hex code would actually be so freaking nice lmao

[@starboundsingularity]

i NEED the hex code one....

[@JamesFreedmanIsVeryCool]

the water one isnt bad for baking

[@GippyHappy]

8:05 "Can I offer you an egg in these trying times?"

[@TornadoZX825]

No

[@tallic967]

Yes

[@tbush7316]

Good ol' Danny Devito

[@MotionWZRD]

You are agy

[@mesinovict6316]

Can i offer you an egg for 1 million dollars?

[@speedy01247]

the rotating grass power could be good as it doesn't specify how fast it can rotate and in what form the grass has to be to be rotated, so I see a power where a assassin just waits for someone to step on his tacticly placed grass only to turn to paste as the grass spins at a speed so fast it becomes a deadly weapon (assuming it will not rip itself apart from pure inertia)

[@polymetric2614]

Now I need to know at what speed an average blade of grass needs to rotate to rip apart from inertia.

[@princeofspeedz8408]

@CapnRecon Is it required to spin along a specific axis or can I spin it like a lightsaber?

[@iamthebasement6280]

Create a tiny helicopter out of saw grass

[@tuser8]

CapnRecon Think about all that stuff made of bamboo, if those work under whatever rules there are just imagine the possibilities.

[@altersky4060]

You can use the turning power for infinite electrical generator.

[@antiscribe4150]

You can instantly legally change anyone's name to anything ending in -arius. We'll see how Chad likes insulting you after you change his name to Marmarius.

[@GippyHappy]

Yeah like I'm gonna be taking life advice from a guy named _Marmarius_

[@JCstock]

Now that sounds like a true rick and morty fan

[@nathanpixelkid]

damn Pixelarius sounds cool or if its after my whole name its Pixelkid Remixesarius or Pixelarius Remarius

[@onyxxed6582]

I would like your comment, but it has 69 likes and I don't wanna mess that up

[@nathanpixelkid]

@@onyxxed6582 good job, good sirarius

[@Pixelcraftian]

"Me kids hav' died" - Heinz Ketchup Bottle

[@oQuip]

ah, never mind. all is meaningless when hav' goose button.

[@turkia6148]

Gos botun

[@lacane5722]

What's up checkmark

[@Gooomsire]

This is the last place I expected to see you.

[@geomandd1109]

Checkmark funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HahababhahbhhHahhhahahahaahahahhaahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahhahahah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@CheatcodeGamingOfficial]

3:51 that moment when your sitting in class and the weird kid’s number goes up

[@agatha968]

What if the professor number goes up?

[@felinoidrose]

Cheatcode Gaming that would have happened so many times with one kid i know

[@tubb1]

Brother?

[@elongatedborzoi1160]

When the number R A P I D L Y I N C R E A S E S

[@DkKombo]

@@elongatedborzoi1160 Desks a quaking, teachers awaken, mom's a spanking.

[@danbobski5225]

Will we see Charlie again or will he be forever stuck with Slazo in the dark SootHouse dimension, irregardless of attempts to retrieve him?

[@grayswandir201]

ye

[@SnowPaw404]

oof

[@altersky4060]

You used irregardless, you may leave.

[@bashirsheikh7322]

How about imAlex

[@bashirsheikh7322]

@Pluto the Forgotten one not exactly a rat more of a snake but we'll make do

[@mcdiggles1141]

“You can unpeel” **Chews into fried chicken** **Spits up skin back onto the food but swallows the meat** **Repeats process until it is hollow skin on a bone** **Consumes chicken husk**

[@mcatu3]

Mc Diggles I would like this but I’m afraid to

[@BigDaddy-je2nq]

Mc Diggles It's like on jimmy neutron when his dad gets his time reversal thing and sits at the ice cream store eating ice cream, throwing it up, and eating it again in an endless loop while everyone watches

[@funkykongreal]

Um

[@Nonexistent_creature]

So with this power you can uncircumcise yourself?

[@jessejames4661]

Every day, we stray further from God

[@nefariousneckbeard7775]

I had this conversation with someone on a bus once, and their idea for the shittiest superpower was ‘the ability to always know where to use the semi-colon’

[@helmetongrass1893]

My brain came up with: everytime you ejaculate, your dick fires armour piercing rounds for two seconds Now you're a ladykiller... Literally

[@c0zmozys]

honeztly id take it

[@tylersmith9942]

The power to read your own mind

[@baonkang5990]

You can read what you saw that one time 12 years ago on tv at 4am. You also just use it to remember stuff.

[@Anonymous-ve7pi]

Tyler Smith Pretty handy for a forgetful person

[@awesomepossume3682]

Oh cool, im saying "Oh cool, im saying "Oh cool-

[@Hanzer-ns5bh]

Man, that shit could actually be a pretty cool superpower. I could figure out exactly why I felt the way I did or why I act a certain way in certain situations, and learn to better measure my actions/reactions based on that. I could access precious memories or important information that I'd long forgotten, and calm myself when I'm all stressed as fuck, all that cool Professor X shit.

[@vladstefan5216]

He just tried to be ironic and came up with a good idea. Now that's a power I wish I had.

[@lewisarcher3916]

The ability to summon a single lamp once

[@metalrebel7506]

I want it.

[@emilyjewelle3301]

....Only to realize that there's no electrical outlet.

[@nxtxlieyoutube7851]

Are you a moth?

[@a.b.1826]

Is it on?

[@TheZincMaster-on1fy]

Logic Anxiety Morality Princey (Yes I'm a fander)

[@howlt005]

Superpower that makes soothouse mics have pop shields

[@thelurkingpanda3605]

:(

[@JohnsDough1918]

The lo-fi miking is at least 1/3 of their appeal.

[@cryogenik_]

whenever you say the word "goose button" a random person will start hearing the home depot theme song at 100 decibels

[@audiodood]

ahhhhh not again

[@darthmauve]

goose button

[@williamgreenhalgh4260]

But “goose button” isn’t one word tho

[@dr.markus-level3researcher]

O H N O

[@herrdohfii103]

like a random human on planet earth, or further than that? cant you just say goose button 8 billion times, so that everyones eardrumms pop?

[@Tigorahan]

If "The Goose Button" isn't on some kind of merch, I'm leaving

[@8bitPikachu]

i want one

[@scaryjam8026]

Chef Excellence a goose button or merch?

[@Tigorahan]

@@scaryjam8026 I mean like on a shirt or even a literal button. IDC what, but something

[@YehudiNimol]

Leave

[@carrotbluecheese5607]

I mean, I think it is TOO risky to sell buttplugs but ok

[@jackwilly456]

My superpower would be the ability to *T A P I N T O M Y I N N E R G O O S E*

[@peebo6929]

Ryiken you’ll need more than a tap to get up there

[@etheriousnatsudragneel5835]

The goose army will rise

[@theguythatasked6400]

You have to press The *G O O S E* *B U T T O N*

[@boatymcboatface5195]

hjonk hjonk

[@elongatedborzoi1160]

Imagine if you had the power to N U T T when ever without any health side effects

[@Olivia-po4wb]

My brother got really drunk last night and texted me a picture of a goose with the message “Am goosebumpy” under it. It just really reminded me of this video and I just wanted to share it :)

[@Stanfordscienceman]

He pressed the goose button

[@nots4ltii]

he pressed T H E G O O S E B U T T O N

[@SourChicken1856]

I sent a photo of a Stormtrooper to my friend to let him know that I'll miss him

[@TheGamingScientist]

Hmmmmmmm

[@calciumstealer2448]

That was a selfie

[@sugar-rice]

Because I can’t keep track of them for some reason: 🤍Wilbur 💙Charlie 💚David ❤️Dan 💜George 💛Jack 🧡Matt

[@yellobanana6456]

undertal

[@Zerocarknowledge]

@@yellobanana6456 undertal

[@Skywarslord]

@@Zerocarknowledge undertal

[@MucaOmor]

@@Skywarslord sans undertal

[@kibryhouse505]

Does this mean geese have a human button

[@onelayercake5154]

Dj Kirby oh my

[@onelayercake5154]

They just emerge from the pond and they are a person

[@chocolate_gore]

OneLayerCake They just slowly walk out the water doing confused geese noises and movements

[@PepicWalrus]

No there's no coming back can't you read?

[@deth3234]

@@PepicWalrus He's talking about geese that were always geese

[@dylanwakley2553]

My super power is disappointing my parents, it’s not a particularly super power though

[@ihaveaname699]

Oh hey I got that one too

[@dylanwakley2553]

i have a name oh sick we can be partners in crime

[@ihaveaname699]

@@dylanwakley2553 I thought we were superheroes

[@dylanwakley2553]

i have a name oh shit yeah lmao

[@metalrebel7506]

Same

[@spoopyduck4651]

2:41 Dan: hello Soothouse: **hysterical laughter**

[@alicatt143]

Spoopy Duck thats dan you uncultured swine

[@spoopyduck4651]

Waffuls ... shit

[@fsp3637]

dodger no it’s obviously Rihanna you libtard

[@normalguycraig]

I think you mean *ello*

[@SweetzTheOne]

it was because it was so sudden after such a long pause.

[@samt3412]

Rotating grass sounds really good in a fight. If someone jumps you, run to the nearest lawn and start rotating grass at an incredible speed. Once the dude attacking you steps on the grass, the grass drills through their shoes and into their feet. Then, you stop rotating grass once the grass gets lodged in their feet, and then attack them normally.

[@ne3333t]

Every time you get a paper cut, the last person you spoke to stubs their toe.

[@Soitisisit]

That would be so difficult to actually prove! :D

[@bingleboink]

talk to someone you hate and give yourself a shitload of paper cuts

[@trooper-wl5mo]

@@bingleboink but wouldn't that hurt you more than the other person?

[@clowntownUSA28]

*rapidly slicing hand with paper while yelling at everyone*

[@snosibsnob3930]

You could be the biggest asshat

[@92Roar]

See, the finger gun one is actually incredibly tragic. Not only do you die, but you leave the person who did it with an incredible guilt, believing themselves to be a monster of earth shattering potential. At first they just are more gloomy at work, the weight of their actions not having hit them yet but as the realisation of their action sets in they work harder and harder to ensure they never do it again. They avoid formal functions and work parties since they can’t trust themselves not to do a celebratory finger gun or two, they keep cutting themselves off from those around them. Their partner, their children, everyone they love and care about slowly gets removed from their life. Their phone has dozens of missed calls but after a while their estranged family stops trying, and their work replaces them in their role. With no money or loved ones they slowly fall into a pit of despair and self loathing and attempt to take their own life with the weapon that started it all, only to discover it doesn’t work. On and on their torturous life continues until they meet someone, someone who bore a similar curse and told the finger-gunner that they need to find a way to use their curse to help the world, to help make up for the wrongs they have committed. Emboldened by this wise teacher, they make something of themselves. They train to keep a stern face, they avoid predominate white neighbourhoods where fingerguns are all the rage and with consisted dedication and plenty of montages, they finally make it. Their teacher says that they trust them, and to pull a finger gun on the teacher themself. Reluctantly, the fingergunner does so and no wound is caused. Overwhelmed with joy, the gunner promises to pay this teacher back for all they have done, and will do their best to use it to help people. They get back into work, they find their family and reconnect, everything begins to fall back. The gunner knows happiness once again. The world finally fixed the disaster that was the freak superhero when their office is under attack by a gunman. With a brave stance the finger gunner stands up and points their hands, loudly declaring that they won’t see any more innocent people shot in this building. Then they get shot because of course they do

[@promise8614]

It makes me sad that this doesn't have like a thousand likes.

[@92Roar]

Camilo Rosas Well shucks, thanks! Glad I could make ya laugh :)

[@jabariwiththebois5765]

This is the most underrated comment in this video...

[@92Roar]

Tiago Ferro Why thank you! Glad you enjoyed it it’s like our own little secret joke :)

[@jabariwiththebois5765]

@@92Roar Yeah, it's better that way!

[@mateuszponikowski2274]

Every time you count to 60, a minute passes

[@The_Arctic_Kiwi]

The power to dictate time? Yes please.

[@watergamer6446]

if you use this with stopping time you could potentially have infinite time to do whatever you want

[@microTrash28]

Just count really fast, and you can bend time itself.

[@prismus6520]

Or count really slow and stretch time almost infinitely!

[@yellobanana6456]

Count backwards and learn to time travel

[@rap1d29]

You can choose a blade of grass and it will become sentient. You then *have* to watch it figure out that it is an insignificant blade of grass, and fall into a deep depression, eventually killing itself after about a minute of life.

[@shaggy7958]

That sounds like a great power

[@freakout9493]

If you want to be a supervillain, that would be extremely useful for destroying landscapes. You can also use this as a construction worker in order to find room to build houses.

[@twistedwizard9100]

It pulls out a tiny gun

[@thelegend8570]

The power to offer someone an egg, and they will always accept it... Me: hello sir would you like an egg, it only costs 10 billion dollars! **PROFIT**

[@slaxep5960]

The legend u are a legend

[@carto4028]

Somebody’s carrying something heavy and need both there arms. Would you like an egg? Drops everything. GOD DAMMIT!

[@aaronsimonjr9711]

Guy pointing a gun at you, offer two eggs, has to drop the gun for the eggs.

[@CaptainSpycrab]

'Mister Trump, this egg contains a small explosive device. Would you like to hold on to it for the next' - *checks watch* - 'twelve seconds?'

[@bigulful]

This is literally a godly ability now.

[@literallyasuka2996]

I died laughing when Charlie got sucked into a vortex.

[@darkhoodchief]

I'm like why the fk are the text spinning and then I raised the volume and he.........

[@annemarie9035]

I wish I had the ability to take my kids back from Martha.

[@echamreacts]

Hit or miss please let me see my kids huh

[@dal.salvador]

@@echamreacts you literally killed me.

[@Eternal_Sky_Tardis]

WHY DID YOU SAY THAT NAME???

[@annemarie9035]

@@echamreacts she got a new boyfriend she said the kids wont miss ya

[@mitskiluvr8786]

Anne Marie he gonna eat her ass like pizza

[@Jorpda]

Whenever you speak to a police officer you will create one random drug in your pocket

[@DioBrando-nb7yz]

Sounds dope tbh

[@somedummyonyoutube3362]

could be paracetemol, LSD or viagra

[@charKT-7461]

Does literally any drug count? Because dopamine is a drug.

[@breadlord6698]

What if you don't have pockets?

[@Jorpda]

@@breadlord6698 it just spawns next to you

[@PlumEXE]

I would ten out of ten take the chicken jet engine noise for sure that’s like actually a great superpower

[@dr.altoclef9255]

Doesn’t specify what kind of chicken noise, a full ‘egg call’ can go like five minutes. “Buckbuckbuckbuck BUGAWK-“

[@theguythatasked6400]

Yeah but what about being able to turn into a goose

[@zacharywalker9176]

You can deafen people once a month

[@Vicioussnakeboy]

@@theguythatasked6400 *c h i c k e n g o o s e n o i s e s*

[@ar.71944]

Morgz has dome this since he started shouting at his mic

[@jacksonsweat712]

You have the same powers as Shazam, but you have to yell the n-word in public to activate it

[@beefyblom]

No spy, don't do it!

[@lordwunglerbeckett]

*Gentlemen, I've come to say the N-word*

[@aconfusedmistake5251]

Who the fuck cares? All they know is that some weird man said it.

[@The-kr9rb]

Ah ha i have the n word pass

[@islamic_sonic_4323]

Wait, you guys get shazams powers when you say nigga In public? How come I dont?

[@g.ferreira6745]

I almost died from laughing with Charlie getting into the vortex lmfao

[@quantumblauthor7300]

I actually stopped breathing for like a solid minute

[@martinmaguire-music6692]

I like to think it was because he implied incest haha

[@AdminAddy]

Same here XDD

[@terraxgaming4117]

B r a s i l o w o

[@30ratsstackedinatrenchcoat91]

I was in my kitchen tryna find candy.. I woke my parents cuz i burst out laughing and almost choked on air... It was 4am.

[@unprankable666]

For the counter above everyone's head one, what would be really weird is if your sitting in class and the quiet kid's one goes up.

[@Lizzieaftermidnight]

It starts going down

[@aliteralpotato873]

@@BlockedUser420 it got unpeed

[@solaridastoobid]

@@aliteralpotato873 unmasturbated

[@ghbjguyyfvbman8611]

Y’all are weird

[@randomelk9801]

You could rotate the grass to turn on the goose button?

[@YehudiNimol]

G o o s e b u t t o n

[@pcb249]

damn that grass s l i m m

[@ecreipnor2054]

Mothe

[@riivulet]

At this point I just have no idea what these guys' relationship with Slazo is...

[@GigaChadh976]

rivulet Clearly, an intimate sexual relationship

[@allyoman]

You can't forget about Sorrow either

[@peakautism]

@@allyoman yes i can

[@lowrishears7424]

@@allyoman wanna bet

[@thebeatbox124]

6:45 I've found a loop-hole: Just go on with your daily life, but in Peru. And your job is a window cleaner. Me: hmm *contemplating decisions*

[@nathanpixelkid]

frick im in lima right now

[@nathanpixelkid]

@@nawenmadrid7264 ahhh ok esta bien, y soy mas americano de peruano, y mi espaniol no esta muy bien

[@lucystarlight8887]

I do this all the time with my friends. Some of the best we've come up with are "you have laser vision but only while your eyes are crossed" and "you can fly but you have to take off and land on runways and abide international airspace."

[@neopixelosu]

The power to point at someone and they just fall over

[@bruhSaintJohn]

NeoPixel Osu SUICIDE RATE DROPPED TO 700%

[@fan9775]

The power to revive an animator that has a cat allergy.

[@gramps3351]

6:07 NOW I CAN JUST PICTURE THIS SCENARIO HAPPENING So you go to Peru All is good Your having a wonderful time And then you decide to have a glass of water You go outside onto your balcony or whatever to enjoy your glass of water However as you take a sip you catch a glimpse of someone cleaning there window and the window progressively becoming dirtier The window cleaner groans and suddenly locks eyes with you as you awkwardly drink your water and watch the window become mildly dirtier until eventually the window cleaner breaks the silence by hitting a wall and yelling *_”IT WAS YOU!”_*

[@Theatre_gal]

Then they Chuck the cleaning supplies so hard as you are heading inside it presses your goose button.

[@gramps3351]

@@Theatre_gal hit em so hard they see the *_piss drawer_*

[@williammerkel1410]

But this is assuming that there are any recently cleaned windows in Lima Peru.

[@llennow2535]

Can talk to plastic.... Me: talks to Kim Kardashian

[@tevthecanadian3250]

LMAO 😂😂

[@tevthecanadian3250]

@Cybowolf No doubt about it. XD

[@stefan6347]

i'M cRyIng!!!!! HA hA ha ha Ha Ha ha hA HA

[@caseyw1288]

or regina george!

[@ediepearson5968]

I can talk to rubbish Hi cardi b!

[@danielsyed1072]

Rest in peace soothouse. Here's to so many laughs, chuckles and guffaws. Rest well, and know that you have brought a smile to my face. Thank you, and goodnight.

[@MysteriousJojo]

Did I just hear a Neo Yokio reference in the year of our lord 2018

[@PumkRock]

Is that a fucking homestuck avatar in the year of our lord 2018

[@nubblesthenub9643]

Is that a Jojo reference in the year of our father, Pucci 2018

[@sawg1261]

"you take damage from finger guns" TF2 irl

[@ilikecake1763]

BOW!

[@bananabreadthenotsogreat9318]

Pootis POW

[@ecreipnor2054]

P O W, H A H A

[@creaturedanaaaaa]

*d e d*

[@ecreipnor2054]

All of you are BABIES! All of you are DEAD!

[@SpaceLobster21]

"When I grow up, I want to ROTATE GRASS"

[@HTPCYMC]

My superpower would be to already be every Overwatch character.

[@koolerkind7371]

How to properly clean your metal computer why are you in every video comment section that i watch?

[@polymer2049]

DUDE FUCKING STOP NOW FUCKING HELL

[@Rindamyn]

TOO LATE IM ALREADY TRACER

[@ninedivines5374]

But not mercy though

[@Max_Le_Groom]

I'm already Winston man.

[@KptKosmit91]

"You take damage from fingerguns" *POW! Haha!*

[@DistantCosmonaut]

U are ded. No big surprise.

[@gossemstuff3255]

@James Bolton SHHH! you are dead

[@Enclave_Engineer]

Everybody in tf2 universe have that superpowrr

[@benjaminsmit781]

I remember reading a creepypasta story thing about that, it was actually pretty cool, the main character accidentally killed thier best friend bc of it

[@Breeze45-s4h]

@@Enclave_Engineer no, only Heavy has that

[@bron-yr-aur7990]

You can teleport, but only every first Saturday of the month. Also, when you teleport, your feet turn into carrots. You can eat the carrots, and only then will your feet go through the 7 week long process of growing back.

[@patrickanderson62]

What if I teleport while I don't have feet

[@bron-yr-aur7990]

@@patrickanderson62 you can’t teleport after you’ve eaten your carrot feet, you can only teleport after they’ve fully grown back. I feel like someone is going to find a loophole in this

[@patrickanderson62]

@@bron-yr-aur7990 So I can plant myself some carrot feet in my ankles and teleport more.

[@bron-yr-aur7990]

@@patrickanderson62 I guess that would work. About time somebody found a loophole in this

[@patrickanderson62]

@@bron-yr-aur7990 Imagine this actually happened tho.

[@nubberton1345]

Everytime you see a toilet, you are forced to drag the closest person next to you onto the toilet and scream at them until they poop

[@bugsauce2261]

Jesus christ.

[@nicklarocco4178]

Be on a date Waiter: Enjoy your meal Me: Thanks you too... Me: Looks around nervously... Alright nice knowing you all. Turns into a goose and flies away.

[@clemence9703]

*p r e s s e s g o o s e b u t t o n

[@ivantheawesome409]

Super strength, but only when you are asleep

[@Lucy666Fernandez]

Ivan TheAwesome best kind of sleepwalking

[@dylanchristman978]

Wake up only to see your lover brutally murdered

[@fishcongress8257]

I swear I have this. I’ve broke like a whole ass nightstand in my sleep

[@marcusnewberry303]

ugly👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺👹👺😈👹👺😈👹👺😈👹👺😈ugly👹👺👹👺👹👺😈👹👺😈 on oo

[@absolutegarbage3654]

It would be slightly useful because if you were in danger you could just take a few sleeping pills and you'll always wake up

[@eckitronix]

"Every time you go to sleep, you switch reproduction capabilities with another living organism at random with no indication of what it is"

[@dr.altoclef9255]

I hope it’s not sea slugs today.

[@lottabubbles1596]

Binary fission? First bacterial microogranism. Imagine waking up and 16 of you are dead because you ran out of energy to duplicate.

[@elliottpiker146]

My superpowers are procrastination and crippling depression

[@ClownDollThatHasContemptForYou]

Bitch you're not special ,we all have that I have all of those power plus being A fatass ,and Anxiety Step it up

[@kanesaunders2671]

My dad has the power to disappear and never come back. It's been 14 years now.

[@axelotl4181]

Legend says that he is still finding milk like he promised

[@MyDudeman222]

I think he's stuck in Gay Baby Jail.

[@jimmieww]

Maybe he turned into a goose and found a new flock

[@arianaangelaugustine3936]

Oof

[@jackbudi]

The milk. It’s always the milk.

[@joshpecker4352]

My superpower would be to make my dad come back home

[@yaboieko4196]

roses are red pupils are black the next line is "why won't my dad come back?"

[@kodered59]

You can teleport to any tractor in the world. Once. Or Become invincible whenever you play the trumpet.

[@Amelia-tg9op]

Imagine a superhero just walking around playing a trumpet punching people

[@lottabubbles1596]

Trumbone, extra weapon.

[@slugintub634]

Do you have to play it well or can you just play some random notes?

[@slugintub634]

Do you become more transparent depending on how well you play?

[@slugintub634]

I mis-read invincible as invisible

[@lankymaccrazyhair264]

Being able to do damage with finger guns would be much better. Which I guess is the point.

[@jrurbbehdidiwdnndjduw85eos73]

Can't wait for goose button merch

[@tertiaritus]

and what would it be, anal plugs?

[@toga4900]

3:33 can i have that instead of a period

[@noelle4366]

sameee

[@Manu-xj4xy]

Lmao xD

[@Abdega]

Uh oh, it’s my time of the mo- *BUH-GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWK!*

[@mellow7851]

imagINE MAKING A REALLY FUCKING LOUD CHICKEN SOUND AT SCHOOL OR WORK.

[@blueskylark9965]

“You’ve been acting a little strange he past week, is it peri-“ “BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!!!!!”

[@sprinkleman8103]

2:32 He should’ve showed a video of someone talking to a celebrity with plastic surgery

[@dekucake]

Ya know, these could be jojo stands and be insanely powerful if given the right situation

[@ryzeclan5383]

Gold Experience but instead of giving life to inanimate objects it turns them into geese by pressing the hidden goose button

[@dekucake]

@@ryzeclan5383 *Gold Experience reaches enemy stand user* *begins rapidly trying to push the goose button* Giorno: MUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDAMUDA...

[@TheGoku953]

Killer Queen has already touched that goose button.

[@dr.altoclef9255]

My stand, ‘A Flock of Seagulls’ allows me to press people’s goose buttons, and it can make a chicken noise as loud as a jet engine.

[@dr.altoclef9255]

Rotating things(grass included) is basically the gimmick in Steel Ball Run.

[@PossumParade42]

when you come out of the goose and you're a bedroom

[@PossumParade42]

wait

[@GigaChadh976]

When you come out of the goose and you’re a doctors office

[@PossumParade42]

The Crimson fucker when you come out of the doctor's office and you're a bedroom

[@wertyuser798]

im actually thinking what my life would look like if i were a bedroom

[@ecreipnor2054]

When you goose out of the come and bed a you're-room