[A] Saying 'I Want To', Not 'I Should' (procrastination & positive self-talk)

[@rainydayaudios7754]

Something I forgot to say in the video: accomplishing "shoulds" tends to just make you feel normal afterwards, it removes the negative feeling. Accomplishing wants tends to make you feel good about yourself, that you've done something positive to make your life the way you want it to be. It gives you a sense of accomplishment and fulfillment. That's really motivating for the future and improves your self esteem and self efficacy. Shoulds tend to be good enough, wants tend to be great!

[@daynaheald666]

Thank you for this. Really helped me think about a new way to prep myself for deadlines. I need to want to do the work, changing how I approach it may help me find a greater sense of achievement when I do complete my set goals. This kind of advice really helps get people out of procrastination. Thanks 😁

[@amberanimations6950]

procrastination is my worst enemy. something about me is that I hate reading so when I'm in school and I have something to read to answer questions I tend to get overwhelmed by all the words and put it to the side as I draw. My friend told me its a bad habit so he keeps telling me "you need to do your work" or "you should do your work" and I know I have to but idrc so I keep saying I should do this or I should do that when I feel like I cant do anything cuz I'm straight up stupid.

[@teatimelupine9193]

This was a really helpful perspective, Rainy. I've been really struggling lately because I've been working on a lot of projects that I typically enjoy, but as soon as I say "I SHOULD be finishing that art piece," or "I SHOULD record that guided meditation," I feel this tremendous resistance inside me and all inspiration goes out the window. I only ever seem to make progress when I act IMMEDIATELY out of inspiration and before any "shoulds" can even form. I'm gonna try reframing my projects this way - thanks, Rainy! :)

[@lisabenvenuti3123]

I see a lot of myself in this, the first time I heard this audio it was almost like a light bulb moment! That’s why I always eagerly await for your rambles, they always have meaningful content! Recently I read a book, The Four Tendencies by Gretchen Rubin, it’s about different traits in personalities. I immediately remembered this audio because what the book called “the rebel” personality is all about the idea of wanting to do something instead of the expectation of having to do it. The mantra of it would be “It’s so hard when I have to, and so easy when I want to”. I thought I could suggest this book, it can give useful insights, as it did for me! Also, thanks for your audios!

[@delll372]

this is a very very good talk. made me rethink about the power of words. thank you!

[@Anna-ef3sj]

Thank you so much! And this is actually the perfect thing right now... Tomorrow I will give a speech and some people pushed me into that. It will be about the power of language... Which is exaclty what you talk about.. and guess what... procrastination monster said it's ok to start working on it now... less than 24 hours before I have to give that talk. I can see some benefits for me in doing it... Still I can't be honest and say I really want to do it... It is Christmas and I miss my family and my brain is full of other things than that stupid talk tomorrow... Well... I want the people to realise that words are powerful and that we have to use them properly and be concious of the use.... So... That is why I really want to do it. And now - no more procrastination and on with preparing. Because I WANT MY AUDIENCE TO UNDERSTAND THAT WORDS ARE POWERFUL! Thank you.

[@zoeleene]

My parents plastered all their "should"s on me and told me that what I wanted was irrelevant and that I had no choice... to the point where I don't feel like a person anymore.

[@rainydayaudios7754]

That's an unfortunately common thing, I'm sorry you went through that. It's something that can be overcome and unlearned, particularly with the aid of therapy.

[@zoeleene]

@@rainydayaudios7754 Thank you. I'm working on it. Listening to you helps too, so thank you for just being the way you are. Never stop (unless you want to, of course). ❤

[@ewdascringe]

Thank you so much for this. I feel more motivated to do my assignments now. Also u perfectly described my strategy w that procrastination thing, i nvr realized how bad of a strategy it is until u said it lol. U opened my eyes there so im definitely changing the way i think from now on, bcos i *want* to :)

[@rainydayaudios7754]

I'm proud of you!

[@theaccount2964]

❤ you are wonderful

[@vanessalathier870]

Well I had finished my exam online and gave it in and today they came to me saying that I didn't. Now I have to restart my exam and hand it in tomorrow morning . I am so procrastinating about this

[@Grace-os3jl]

This is so helpful, especially since it's finals for me. Thank you, Rainy! 💜

[@ferro5161]

This is literally the best thing I've heard in a very long time.

[@princessahava]

Finally someone actually putting this out!!!!

[@AwwesomeVal]

I always feel so guilty when I dont hang out with ppl...

[@Grace-os3jl]

Omg, i think that's exactly what happened with my last friend... He always said "We should hang out," and i unconsciously avoided him. Damn, never realised that. I feel like the should's thing is the same situation where I would want to do chores, but the moment someone tells me to do it, I would instantly avoid doing it. ._.

[@Grace-os3jl]

17:11 onwards is...wow... That's so me. I'm--

[@zaptoli]

Thank you

[@misha7ify]

IM NOT CRYING YOU'RE CRYING ...

[@viktorrodriguez7517]

The onion-wielding ninjas have struck again.

[@Fun_Syz]

Is it too much to ask for a ddlb video? ☺️

[@cherrybakewell2449]

Hiya just to wish you a very happy Christmas to you rainy and all to the rainclouds that listen to and watch your videos and all the best for 2019.xxx:) :)

[@lindsey8163]

i like this

[@lottajohansson6790]

I tink every People neds tinking in Time for thay selfs sime time . What thay churd or whay thay not churd

[@cherrybakewell2449]

Hiya hope you don't mind me msging you. Xxjust wondered would u mind doing if its ok doing an Audio for decluttering for like wen ppl decluttering there homes or minds etc... Plse if that's ok. Xi tried to not say should or could in this msg. Xthankyou.xxand ur audios r brilliant by the way. Xx:) thank you. Xx

[@jan_3659]

Um hi, i know it's a few days late but merry Xmas and happy New Year Rainy. That all the goods comes your way in 2019🙏🏼 Ps: didn't really know where to say this, but figured the comment sections would do. 😋

[@jan_3659]

And uh, I just really want to say that I've been procrastinating and delaying my essay for a while now, I haven't got much time for it (welp, 11 days to be exact). It's not a difficult project but it's always good to get things done sooner than later right!? It's just that I'm back home and I hadn't seen my dad and my little sister for far too long. I haven't visited my home country for what seems like forever and being here is 100% distractive; a good type of distraction, I can't seem to focus on my priority. Even now while I'm typing this I feel like I'm just looking for excuses as to why I haven't finished the project yet 😫 instead of writing this I should actually be writing my essay 😩 I feel so guilty because I know I'm gonna have to stay up till late in order to get it done. I never learn rlly, sleepless nights incominnnnggg

[@rainydayaudios7754]

Notice the "should" you just said there? That's where the guilt is coming from, and so you're wanting to avoid that feeling of guilt by doing other things. That's how procrastination works. You can handle this feeling of guilt. You can confront it, go "I know, I'm not meeting my standards and expectations. This essay is important and I want to do it, I want to get it done so I can enjoy spending time with my family. I'm going to break down my essay into small, manageable chunks and then just do one of those bits. Then I'll take a break, do something nice and feel better. Then I'll do another chunk." And so on. You've got this.

[@lottajohansson6790]

I now at I shurd brach my thit

[@k.cody210]

New game: Take a shot (of milk, preferably) every time he says "should". Update: 72 shots (give or take a few because I might've missed some).

[@rainydayaudios7754]

If only you could be as mindful about your own shoulds! And please drink responsibly in moderation, whatever the beverage.