Lifetime Original Movies - ralphthemoviemaker

Become a Ralphthemoviemaker Member! / @ralphthemoviemaker Patreon: / ralphthemoviemaker
Letterboxd: letterboxd.com/ralfmakesmovies/
T-Shirts: www.teepublic.com/stores/ralp...
Twitter: / ralphsepe
Facebook: / ralphthemoviemaker
Night Rave by Audionautix is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution license (creativecommons.org/licenses/...)
Artist: audionautix.com/

[@stalk8r]

"It's not as good as Cyber Seduction, but it's better than Pregnancy Pact." is my new favourite sentence of all time.

[@winterlarsime9938]

Vilkku *Uses it to describe Scientology*

[@handsomebrick]

Shoulda gotten Kinky the Clown from Cyber Seduction to impregnate all the girls from Pregnancy Pact.

[@Nassit-Gnuoy]

You know the shit ain't realistic when the kid is being made fun of for watching porn by a group of guys in high school.

[@uselessDM]

Well, it would make sense if it would be the same universe as Pregancy Pact, because you had to be a pretty pathetic low life to watch porn in a school were every girl wants to get pregnant so bad...

[@poopboy3998]

Tissan Young me and my friends recommend different sites to one another

[@nerdaitami7205]

The oposite happened to me in high shool...

[@Nassit-Gnuoy]

NerdA Itami Real talk. That shit had dudes bonding.

[@nerdaitami7205]

Tissan Young I don't remember people bonding because of the porn they watched when in High school but again I was the only freak that didn't watch porn at the time...

[@dirrdevil]

It ends in blue. It is thematic because he will forever have blue balls.

[@Jasper_HD]

Jeremy Dirr fucking genius

[@JaydevRaol]

🤣

[@trashbrock2320]

Bild of you to assume he has balls

[@Jasper_HD]

EpicHashBrown *B* *I* *L* *D*

[@ismaelnehme379]

This is the funniest comment I have seen in a while

[@elijahdoesstuff4600]

The first movie seems like something they'd show in a middle school health class.

[@IAmNumber4000]

Elijah Cook A middle school health class in the Bible Belt.

[@RUSTYCHEVYTRUCK]

IAN 4000 not even that, I grew up in the Bible Belt and they taught us guys to masturbate to help with abstinence

[@Deathmastertx]

Haha. I remember watching Pregnancy Pact in a school health class.

[@emperorleroy6747]

@@RUSTYCHEVYTRUCK I'm ten steps ahead of that class!

[@samt3412]

@@RUSTYCHEVYTRUCK what kind of backwards logic is that

[@johnbeckmann1466]

When I was 14 my parents found out I was smoking weed and they sent me to a mental hospital for a year. One day we watched a Lifetime movie about a girl who starts smoking and drinking and her parents send her away to a mental hospital. It ended up being an actual portrayal of how my teenage years turned out. I talked to my mom about it. She said she saw the movie, and every decision she made, like sending me to wilderness programs and therapeutic boarding schools, were all because of it. The worst experiences of my life that ended up giving me a trauma disorder were all because of a Lifetime movie.

[@keyofallworlds7549]

No offense, but what's wrong with your parents? Movies aren't real life and shouldn't be copied...That's like one of the first things you learn as a kid when it comes to entertainment. Also did you tell your parents off or how you felt? I hope you did .

[@jeltje50]

John Beckmann your parents sound fucking awful. Fuck 'em sorry. Instead of talking to other parents or (school) parenting help they went full mental.

[@johnbeckmann1466]

It's all good though, we're cool now.

[@inakiiribarrenlineros8594]

That's fucked up

[@anikmonette2140]

John Beckmann I hope it's true and it's not because they guilt trip you...

[@Ohio_Funny]

So you're telling me that the 9 year old is allowed to play GTA but the 16 year old can't watch porn?

[@feralchangeling97]

If the older brother knew what can be done with hookers in that game, his head would explode like Chris Griffin when he found the porn stash on the curb.

[@cjc6645]

Bruh

[@Vulgarth1]

He defeated the drug dealer, didn't you hear? He defeated! Wow! Such video game!

[@ibrahimalee23]

Parents must have some effed up priorities.

[@johnnyskids]

I know it’s stupid.

[@Alondro77]

My mother used to HATE Lifetime movies. Then she developed severe dementia... now she loves Lifetime movies. I think that says it all.

[@anikmonette2140]

That's sad... But it says a lot about people who truly enjoys this trash! Heck, until Ralph brought it up I wasn't even AWARE of that channel's existence(I stopped watching tv 10 years ago) and I never thought it could get THAT BAD! 😱

[@Johnconagher]

That makes so much sense

[@sharrpshooter1]

Damn I'm sorry to hear about your mom, no one deserves that fate

[@ejm1225]

I hope she gets better soon.

[@ajsnyder6160]

From Dementia?

[@thatdoylekid4292]

"Who watches porn with the door open" People with balls made of titanium, Ralph.

[@duck6872]

I don't even have a door, not joking

[@DomR1997]

@@duck6872 Deadass, there was a time when I had to put a blanket up with stuff in front of it so if people tried walking in I'd be alerted to it and could cover up fast. Balls of graphite XD

[@amatacook]

Thatdoylekid 42 Absolute Chads.

[@blackenedizzycore]

People who live with their significant other / friend they're incredibly comfortable around?

[@ellieb.1231]

…so, according to all suggestions, NOT this freakin' kid. I like the "porn as beard" plot suggestion in one of the top comments. I'd probably watch that movie.

[@AmyASpaceOdyssey]

Cyber Seduction is one of the funniest 'so bad it's good' movies I have seen. Thank you for introducing me to it, Ralph.

[@JJAB91]

Have you seen 'Dark Dungeons'?

[@AmyASpaceOdyssey]

JJAB91 No, but it sounds amazing.

[@JJAB91]

AwesomeBros65 JonTron has a video about it check it out.

[@AmyASpaceOdyssey]

JJAB91 I'll be sure to do that

[@masonallen3961]

AwesomeBros65 Also be sure to check out Rock It's Your Decision. Cinema Snob did a great video on it.

[@JoshFingerhut]

4:18 _"What's going on here?"_ "Let me tell you what's going on here. My name's Charles Stiles, I'm with a company called Mystery Diners."

[@Composer_Piggy]

*R E L E A S E T H E D R O N E*

[@Crakule]

dang it

[@austinmartens8662]

Some shush concerns

[@voxlknight2155]

"Charles Stiles, Mystery Diners"

[@erdemyelmenoglu2493]

we have placed 94 cameras up his asshole and four cameras up mine

[@RyanSpringer1984]

8:18 That kid only swam frantically out of the pool because he forgot to delete his internet search history, he still plans to off himself.

[@someguy9893]

I prefer this interpretation

[@CrazyGuyoftheWest]

The first command in any man's will is to delete his browser history.

[@chrisbutsch8691]

director's cut

[@aarondavis8943]

Unfortunately he got permanently freeze-framed so he never got to delete it. Now his mom knows everything.

[@loudmoons]

Imagine at the end of Blue Lagoon they never get found and they end up building a house on the island, and in the distance you see the cyber seduction kid swimming towards the island and everything comes full circle.

[@Mateus_Carvalho]

"I'm swimming for the booty, get the fuck out of the way!" And then his mom follows him on a jetski, yelling "STAWP, YOU'RE ADDICTED TO PAWRN!"

[@Elvusmiw]

Yes

[@virgillewis6240]

So you’re proposing…… Lifetime cinematic universe??

[@loudmoons]

Virgil Lewis Indeed

[@VelvetColt]

Then someone in the jungle farts and the laugh track and music starts

[@Doogle946]

I've never heard of anyone getting bullied at school for looking at porn, that's a pretty bizarre concept.

[@devilsummoner2163]

Unless it's bukkake hentai furry porn

[@timoyr2954]

@@devilsummoner2163 They could just say they watched it as a joke. My friends and I used to watch all sort of midget and hentai porn as a joke (basically anything that was too gross to be actually hot). The only thing you'd make fun of someone is if they either said they had never watched porn or if you found out they watched gay porn. A common joke was going on a gay porn sites on friends' computers, so you could act like you found it in their browser history, then you'd call them gay.

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

Fuckin' Catholic Schools, man...

[@SuperSwordman1]

If the makers of this movie are anything like my sister, porn=evil and you're a total pervert for looking at it

[@prodatomic]

DeployTheGarrison Yeah unless it’s like the rape scene from Halloween I don’t know how someone could be bullied for something everyone does

[@lambda494]

I hate when my Internet browser randomly shoots its load and displays all images whenever someone enters a room.

[@1232sam]

This is my jammity jam!

[@gokuxsephiroth4505]

Well that's the thing- you aren't looking at porn- you ARE the porn!

[@notanundesirable]

When your grandfather asks you to delete his search history because a bunch of porn ‘randomly’ appears on his tablet even though there is evidence that shows that he intentionally looked up porn.

[@emilydickinsonlover9000]

Upvoted because profile pic

[@ilitardo160]

Laser Blast Studios does this actually happen to u?

[@limpskimp6794]

Pregnancy pact is 100 percent some dudes fetish

[@suwacc3237]

That got approved because the publishers needed something to help evade taxes

[@warrenlehmkuhleii8472]

@@suwacc3237 And then Lifetime made a movie about evading taxes.

[@suwacc3237]

Ironic, ain't it?

[@warrenlehmkuhleii8472]

@@pootispower304 I believe you mean: "Oh no, not you again."

[@omnipresentsnowflake4698]

Buuussteeeeddd

[@talkinghoorse6936]

Dat epic moment when you're pumped up because you beat The Drug Dealer in an unspecified GTA game.

[@papayer]

Yeah don't you remember that one time you beat that one game? That was such an epic gamer moment.

[@Densester]

Okay, so by the time this shitfest came out, the most well known GTA was San Andreas, right? In that game, drug dealers are practically just regular npcs that drop cash, they ain't even a fucking challenge since most of the time they don't have weapons! Sure, it's some kid's bluff at the dinner table, but it's still stupid!

[@Goodbutevilgenius]

@@Densester Might've been Big Smoke, he's a pretty big drug dealer

[@goji7273]

Nobody has finished watching this video yet. We all share many characteristics, but this one is temporary. Sometime soon, we will be divided again, but now? We are one and the same.

[@vehementfilms6059]

Well said, sir. Well said...

[@SonOfTheHenry]

Ralph has.

[@SonOfTheHenry]

We will never be like Ralph.

[@emmadupuy5331]

Jason Holmes s

[@DCNRS90YT]

Jason Holmes I would rather watch the lifetime movies about crazy women! :/

[@TheLastHylianTitan]

The mom in the first movie is genuinely unsettling. She’s always just staring at her son in this really creepy manner. And the way she’s so fixated on her son’s budding sexuality isn’t helping matters either.

[@denisesimpson591]

Yeah. She's beyond stupid. And a lousy actress, to boot!

[@lauralorian6828]

She looks like Lori from The Walking Dead, but addicted to meth.

[@alexl.7431]

TheLastHylianTitan she looks busted

[@zero-fj3pj]

She's like the creepy waiter/waitress that just hovers around you and watches you while you eat.

[@Sinderance_]

It's the start to a porno. Next thing you know she'll catch him jerking off and it shall begin...

[@dmartire99]

The cast of the Full House movie looks like they're from a Full House porn parody.

[@habuhomeboy]

*BEND OVER, MICHELLE.*

[@Oliviagarry69420]

snackfan you got it dude

[@realhumanbean7915]

Dominic NOT THE CHILDREN OH SHIT, OH GOD OH FUCK

[@ReplyGuy22345]

Real Human bean minus the children. Porn companies never show actual children for obvious reasons

[@RoseHowat]

Fuck House

[@petrichor04_]

"Hear you're a real freak though. Into the real twisted stuff." "Come on you guys, I'm just fooling around, this whole porn thing's a joke." "You're the joke, leatherboy." "... says you're the new king of porn." "KINKYYYYYYY, THE CLOWN." this has got to be some of the funniest dialogue I've heard in a while from something trying to be serious.

[@shadysam7161]

Its like the kind of conversation a group of characters in an RPG with really bad acting talking to each other.

[@dromalloma2651]

@@8stormy5 Well, doesn't that generally depend on the subject of said porn?

[@TwighlightLugia]

Oblivion_dialogue dot MP4

[@nachosNipples]

Someone Nonexistent its really gold

[@NoTimeToBehLohst]

"Hey, the leatherclub's two blocks down"

[@joshbennett7439]

“He just looks at the porn, and like doesn’t do anything.” Ralph Sepe 2016

[@thehuman1202]

I don’t appreciate people describing my lifestyle.

[@catscanhavelittleasalami]

Silly Ralph, everyone does that.

[@Naomi-gr7fm]

WHERE'S THE MEAT?

[@aarondavis8943]

It's ridiculous. He doesn't even furiously squeeze his balls. How's he meant to cum?

[@CherokeeFlutist59]

That is a pretty funny observation. Just drinking Monster energy drinks and just WATCHING the porn and that's it.

[@AdamHBr]

I've got a lust for bust.

[@mallelca8342]

Adam musty busty babes

[@trannyfragrance]

Adam I can only get off when they wear at lest 3 layers of clothing

[@howdoiputthecheeseintheove8437]

Adam I've got a bust for lust

[@Ninetails2000]

I've gotta lust that makes me bust because I must feed my lust for bust.

[@nightvisiongang4414]

Adam SUCH A LUST FOR BUST!

[@Mr0901]

6:18 -porn = bad -gta, which has more hardcore "porn" = good

[@fakegeek5462]

Lol Gta Vice CIty has a porn parody character named Candy Suxxx not to mention all of the prostitutes.

[@russianname2986]

Michael Judge this is ignoring the No Russian level massacres you can commit

[@MrMah-zf6jk]

@@russianname2986 fuck off. CoD is trash.

[@superlombax1561]

Baby goat CoD bad. Even just references are bad.

[@russianname2986]

Baby goat okay?

[@bluevioletandlilac]

"Pact? I don't even know what that word means!" Honestly, something I would expect to hear from someone who willingly made a pact to get pregnant at sixteen. 10/10 for realism.

[@aarondavis8943]

She called it a "Pregnancy Agreement Bound By a Solemn Oath"

[@asnekboi7232]

@@aarondavis8943 A divine covenant if you will

[@jetiscute1]

"Let's all get pregnant at 16." "I don't know what pact means." Dang.

[@wolfieinu]

IT'S JUST LIKE REAL LIFE

[@ellewoods6164]

Armin Arlert Hey babe

[@halv5370]

Armin Arlert it's funny because if one gets pregnant before 25 they're pretty much saying "ruin my life now please"!

[@winterlarsime9938]

PREGANENANT

[@pmvaldez1]

stupid babies need the most attention

[@mindfloww8834]

"He just defeated the drug dealer in grand theft auto." *what*

[@TophatlarryOG]

You know the drug dealer from that GTA game

[@russianname2986]

Evangelista Steopic yeah that one the Drug Dealer from the “Grand Theft Auto” game

[@samt3412]

I mean, explaining GTA to your mom like that kinda makes sense

[@Liquid_Mike]

I wish we could put pictures in comments, because the "wat" lady would've brought this to a HNL

[@Buckettoli]

Idk you do that in San Andreas, which came out prior to the movie's release

[@RibbonVintageGirl]

"Pregnancy Pact" ??? My God, where and when was this true story occurred? When I was in HS, being pregnant was the LEAST thing anyone thought was cool

[@chokonnit7337]

And it still is. The whole point of him bashing the movie is that it's extremely out of touch

[@shadysam7161]

"Lifetime Original" is a movie company, where everyone working there happens to be an average mommy, who at least is above their 40s, with life time creating Pregnancy Pact, do you think they would understand modern media?

[@Generik97]

The IRL Pregnancy Pact happened in 2008 at Gloucester High School in Gloucester, Massachusetts. You can read more about it here: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gloucester_High_School_(Massachusetts)

[@ellieb.1231]

Generik though the teens-now adults- interviewed claim there was no pact beforehand, that EIGHTEEN high school girls in a small town all just HAPPENED to get pregnant the same year… … Mmhm. Okay, even if I believe there was no pact, something else was happening, because otherwise that just doesn't make sense. the nurse at the school says girls were asking for tests repeatedly and crying over negative results, and it was 400% of the teen pregnancy rate from the PREVIOUS YEAR. They claim the pact was an aftereffect, to support each other once they found they were pregnant, and the town was Irish Catholic-sex ed was sh**. I dunno. Still seems suspect to me. Someone must have intended it, somewhere.

[@chelsthegameruiner8669]

@@ellieb.1231 All I'm hearing is Crusade

[@idiotsinc7658]

Mom: stop looking at the internet Also mom: yes small 9 year old play gta it is suitable for you

[@SL-ul3yr]

It seems like they put that in to make her seem like a cool mom, but all it actually did was make her look like an idiot.

[@draydengee9060]

That's parenting in the 21st century, bobs and vaganas bad. Murder, rape, kidnapping, drug dealing, vandalism terrorism and torture is A-Okay though.. pathetic parents.

[@baz5042]

Names for Lifetime shows sound like pornos.

[@antidoteee]

Colt Stovik full house "unauthorised" story ;)

[@OttoVonGarfield]

Wasn't one called "Dirty Teacher" or something?

[@littleferrhis]

Haha it's kinky the clown!

[@michaelm.2736]

HowlingSnail That way, they'll really get wet.

[@ThierryRocksTV]

Cyber Seduction sounds like android porn

[@resistance9028]

4:18 ✔ MULTIPLE Lights on ✔ Computer facing the door ✔ Door open ✔ Mom still awake ✔ Not listening to environment 50 Shades of Amateur

[@faithfm1]

Even amateurs know better

[@oddluck4180]

I don't think he was even listening to anything, I think he was just looking at pictures. There's no excuse for him not listening.

[@drunkenhobo8020]

It's a well-known fact that when masturbating or watching porn, the most sensitive part of a man's body is his ears.

[@catscanhavelittleasalami]

He wanted to be spotted, he's into it

[@EpicCoolGuy21]

Even at 11, I knew how to shut the door before looking up "big breasted women" on bing.

[@xelectrix]

Wait, so the younger brother is traumatized by porn but GTA is fine.

[@carlosjuarez6675]

Its not even normal porn

[@twoDie4]

@@fakegeek5462 I came my first time at 11, my mind was fucking blown

[@ashikjaman1940]

Maybe he's like, really gay

[@trialerrorsharer9398]

Fucking gta brought out the tiddies too

[@MeanStreamFraudCast]

@@twoDie4 I can't even remember that far back.

[@vbluercruz5815]

I like how majority of the comments are about the 1st film

[@clawzx1195]

Almost like they didnt even watch the video

[@IAmNumber4000]

There’s just something especially offensive about a bunch of boomers making a retarded movie about the dangers of porn.

[@isenokami7810]

@@clawzx1195Also, it’s kind of the only one worth commenting on. As someone who has watched this video through, repeatedly, I can safely say the rest aren’t nearly as noteworthy.

[@clawzx1195]

@@isenokami7810 its entertaining hearing ralph rip on the rest of it. but why even comment if thats all its gonna be lmao

[@TrisketsCheese]

I believe the funeral was the "actor's" careers.

[@lkri8586]

What career?

[@TrisketsCheese]

ChloeNyan AJ Why are you asking me? I wasn't invited.

[@noahboat580]

ba da tsss

[@GiroKuluBOWSER]

its a metaphor

[@nonyabiz9340]

I literally LOL'd at this

[@WatrDragn]

3:34 "This is hilarious. These people are freaks," says the woman in a large group of people looking at censored internet porn during a party.

[@mitchellgeorge6031]

WatrDragn In college, a bunch of guys had me over and they put on porn. Like really disturbing traumatising torture porn.

[@alexzablah1455]

Mitchell George Saw or a Serbian Film or Hostel or Human Centipede?

[@gokuxsephiroth4505]

Oh, they call this boy Kinky the Clown when he is the most vanilla you can get XD Actually, maybe even beyond vanilla because actual sex doesn't seem to be part of it- he's just looking. Might as well be at an art museum. I'm personally imagining Kinky the Clown as some kind of leather clad dominatrix with black and white mime make-up.

[@shadysam7161]

I imagined the Kinky the Clown character being a shirtless male with clown makeup, and the crazy hair, with tight pants, so reflective you could see the thong, ballsack hair and leg hair, and he would have a whip and whip your ass, then makes a balloon fleshlight and uses it for several nasty purposes.

[@charlescalthrop2535]

Ralp left it out but there is a latex bondage scene, it was so weird.

[@burninsherman1037]

I uhhh...I'm gonna have to see if your idea of kinky the clown exists out there. I mean I like mimes, and I like s&m so why not see how combining the two works, right?

[@ellieb.1231]

Blargen Flargen cool. You do you, and proud. I imagine you'll make some niche performers very happy. Whatever combination of things you think someone might do, they've been at least written, almost certainly drawn, and very probably filmed. It's like proof of quantum physics; it doesn't exist unless observed, but always exists. (Seriously, you can just try making up random stuff, and then you go looking for it, and it's there. Like… Batman/MLP high school alternate universe things probably exist. I'm too chicken to check.)

[@jasonfenton8250]

I imagine Kinky the Clown as a clown that has the word "kinky" tattooed on her forehead.

[@apriljones1013]

“It’s not even porn, it’s just, like. Cleavage” may be my favorite ralph quote

[@Admiralkirk95]

"How would you feel if we looked at naked dudes?" I'd feel like you are normal teen girls honestly.

[@paulmajano]

Kirk Findlay pretty much

[@Odinsday]

Kirk Findlay I would be proud. They would be women of culture.

[@Dor_27]

Or a gay teen boi

[@METALGEARMATRIX]

@cosmosspring Yes they do.

[@celinak5062]

@cosmosspring true it's mostly fanfic, manips, amvs

[@blakeoarmboy]

fun fact addiction gets worse the more you ruin someone's life because of the addiction

[@redtiny802]

Hence why the war on drugs needs to be about rehabilitation and not punishment.

[@gloriouscontent3538]

14:14 That funeral was for grandpa Stan. Stan is a little known character in the full house lore that was acquitted for serial murder despite being guilty. Everyone loved him because his grilled cheese sandwiches and stories were amazing. He was a Vietnam vet, which is what killed him because he died years after the war due lead and agent orange poisoning.

[@thatfoomilo1652]

Glorious Content are you serious I can’t tell

[@farkbett699]

@@boltman9977 damn... Didn't know Full House was so deep

[@mursie100]

I'm sorry, is this a joke ?! There's no mention in the wiki or anywhere on the internet about "serial murder". What in the hell are you talking about ??!

[@stephenjett4722]

Real? Probably.

[@wingsandash]

No grandpa Stan.

[@JimmyJoeBob]

I remember a lifetime film where a woman is an abusive relationship. And her husband threatens to murder her so her father breaks out of jail and saves her. Then the father molests her in an abandoned train yard. I noped out at that point. I assume that the movie ended with her being abducted by a circus run by murder clowns and getting molested by herself from the future while sad violin plays. WTF?

[@Hanfgurkenhasser]

I don't...uhm...did I have a stroke? This plot sounds awful. Looks like I have to experience this absolute shite myself.

[@Mels0103]

I've read this comment 4 times already and I still don't know what it says

[@LirylCrovyn]

Never heard of Cyber Seduction, but it looks pretty damn dumb. Victoria's Secret ads are more pornographic than what that kid was looking at.

[@geneparmesan8748]

To be fair to Lifetime, I think they were trying to imply that he was looking at harder stuff, while also showing as much as their network would allow them to. It was the same thing that screwed over the 50 Shades series, which marketed itself on the "extreme" BDSM but then showed fairly toothless sex acts in order to get its desired MPAA rating.

[@LOLXD-kt8mb]

@@geneparmesan8748 "harder stuff".

[@shepard1175]

MW3 on recruit is harder than that

[@ihavenolife9910]

@@shepard1175 how bout veteren

[@solocomics1820]

Cyber Seduction is a movie that shouldn't exist. Why? Because it's dumb. It doesn't even know what's puberty is and it doesn't know that sexual urges exist. That is part of being a human. And there's nothing wrong with that.

[@Jamzmahname]

The way mothers defend this shit is appalling.

[@iclimbeverything2990]

your only hating on it because you can relate so what is it, heroine? asscrack? porn? pacts? swimming? porn? pr0n? bumbumbumbuuumbumbum? nnnnnnnnnnnnn? dont lie to me

[@Jamzmahname]

the vape god It's the dank memes...I can't control myself around dank memes.

[@samhooper3774]

i've had an nnnnnnnnnnnnn addiction for 5 years now. please help me.

[@Jamzmahname]

Beat Your Meat Just give your meat a good ole rub.

[@CalebCraft10]

*Grandmothers

[@danibrent3068]

How 2 cri in movie 1. Single tear, eyes and face aren't red or puffy OR 2. Constipated face with no tears or redness, just sobbing or even screaming

[@averagejoe455]

"I don't really care if I live or die, all I wanna do is take drugs and get high." Literally the only thing I remember back when my Mom watched Lifetime.

[@gavoskaambrose3812]

"You have a problem son, and the best way to convince you is to beat the shit out of you." - Father of the year. And yet the issue here is with the internet, what??

[@StardustLegend]

also this kid plays gta? the game with drug dealers and prostitutes? how has he just discovered internet porn NOW

[@supermutantsam1160]

It honestly pisses me off how genuinely horrible his parents and peers are, and yet the people who made this crap are implying that they're all 100% right. The movie never says that his family and friends bullying him is in any way wrong. It's like they're saying, "Stop watching porn, or else society will basically bully you into committing suicide." That's fucking terrible! How the fuck do the filmmakers believe that they have any sort of moral high ground?

[@crowgang6678]

+Super Mutant Sam and Mas because they're the martyr mother that's just protecting their child and obviously their "mother's intuition' is always correct

[@Kraetor3732]

You think these are bad, wait til you see the hallmark channels original movies.

[@Jack-gu3rm]

The magical legend of the leprechauns man

[@DeclanCorey]

What about the Movies24 films? And just when you think the torture is finished there, just wait until you gaze your eyes at the Nickelodeon "original" movies! Mwahahahahahahaaah!

[@andrewtest7207]

Ralph needs to cover that cancer

[@ThatGuyNamedJoe]

Were saving that for Hallmark's countdown to Christmas

[@aidantaylor7846]

I'm pretty sure 7/8 of the hallmark movies are written by the same guy.

[@LifeOutward]

Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life has been a friend on mine and I's favorite terrible movie since at least 2010 or so, and I'm so glad to have found this review. It truly is the greatest film ever made. My favorite scene is when they confront Peter Pan in the library, and as loud as he can, the dad says "What were you looking at!?" and Peter Pan says "PORNOGRAPHY, GEEEEEZ." Oscars.

[@ironmonkata6703]

You're being sarcastic, right? You'd know that no one is this stupid to type ''I's'' instead' ''my''. If you're not sarcastic then that is even sadder, honestly.

[@kamchatka95]

@@ironmonkata6703 ever hear of a typo, smartass?

[@Mels0103]

I love that scene

[@jordanharris2506]

Most times my nightmares consist of Ralph saying “jammity jam” on a loop

[@KiNETiKpoWerZ]

Cyber Seduction would be a good name for a Synthwave band

[@DistractedGlobeGuy]

Hold out for my EP, coming next whenever.

[@somethingweirds3375]

VHS Sex 00110010: Cyber Seduction Boogaloo

[@1232sam]

This is my jammity jam!

[@BubbleArcadia]

Damn you're right. *writes down on paper*

[@elijahdoesstuff4600]

As you are reading this I am securing the royalties to that name.

[@scotaku4531]

"This is one of the best movies outta the bunch. It's not as good as Cyber Seduction, but it's better than Pregnancy Pact." Brilliant.

[@IAmNumber4000]

Scotaku ... I don’t get it

[@sigurd8382]

@@IAmNumber4000 he means in the so bad it's good category

[@nationalnationalism8885]

"This is my jammity-jam" -Wypepo

[@rintinfin4440]

*smacks lips*

[@AWESOMESESS]

I love how the little segment of Ralph dancing and taking his shirt off is better edited and shot than the actual movie

[@thedredayshow9246]

Cyber Seduction tried to demonize porn. It failed.

[@bubermarcus8607]

HeyThat'sPrettyGood I'd actually be fine with my sister looking at porn, it's pretty healthy.

[@handsomebrick]

But it did not try to demonetize porn.

[@user-xx7ju1wm4d]

Kuma Gamer K I N K Y T H E C L O W N

[@MrPiccoloku]

If the movie wasn't so amusingly bad, I'd be pretty disturbed that people actually believe its message. That's the message that caused me to sexually repress myself to the degree of psychological damage

[@handcrankfrank8894]

Wait, so flashbacks to pain and humiliation made him want to live again? I guess he really is into the kinky shit.

[@thatlonelygiraffeinc.6989]

KINKY THE CLOWN!

[@WhopperJrNoCheese]

He's into that humiliation porn

[@anikmonette2140]

Neco Risborg Humiliation porn? Wow, I keep learning new things every day...

[@HarunoMaxwell6115]

Bones The flashback would've made more sense if it showed that his parents realized the problem in a particular scene with good pacing. Along with the girlfriend finding out why he didn't want to do that. And that his parents still love him from the beginning of the movie (again, good pacing), and stops his suicide attempt and learns his lesson. Addictions can prevent you from spending time with people you love.

[@LikeAF0x]

“And then she tries meth and it doesn’t work out.” Lmao that should be an anti-drug commercial

[@guyinbluu]

You could go to the beach and get the same experience as Cyber Seduction.

[@CheezeWuz]

you gonna hit me dad?! well are you....daddy? I've been a bad boy

[@Werlerfer]

CheezeWuz That took a turn that did not follow my direction

[@caitdurl9111]

Would have redeemed the whole film.

[@9xin]

CheezeWuz lol

[@9xin]

Fucking sexy

[@user-ms7ez6tu7b]

Ha! GAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!

[@stephenbrown4698]

An Iraqi food cart bar is having problems. It likes to air gay porn on its T.V. and the owners are worried that customers may be addicted...RELEASE THE DRONE

[@brainman67]

good one bro

[@user-xj2fj9nn3x]

Stephen Brown the drown's going down!

[@crifri3603]

Kinky Clown, Mystery Diners.

[@magik4353]

some shush concerns

[@hunterbailey5545]

My name's Charles Stiles, I'm with a company called Turkish Airlines.

[@danieltravanti7003]

“A pact? You mean, like the Warsaw Pact?” That joke is so old, last time I heard it, I fell off of my dinosaur, and got expelled from the League of Nations!

[@connor4040]

Last time I heard it, Moses was getting the Ten Commandments

[@fericas3237]

@@connor4040 Last time I heard it, electrons couldn't connect with protons and neutrons.

[@JulienEarle]

lifetime movies are bad for your mental health

[@an4rk135]

Julien Earle more like bad for your brain

[@Dinosaurianationazation]

Bad for everything.

[@Johnconagher]

No shit Sherlock

[@big_emerald]

I hope they make a movie about CHARLES STILES, MYSTERY DINERS

[@crifri3603]

The best teen drama ever

[@TheManWithThePlan360]

The Unauthorized Mystery Diners Story

[@pcallen3133]

TheManWithThePlan How about a Crossover between Charles stiles and random diner person....I think stupid ass people would watch it

[@mario167100]

Made by regal films of course!

[@pauline9970]

emerald BASED ON A TRUE STORY

[@Ziaberry]

*rich couple gets married* LIfetime: BaSeD oN a TrUe StOrY

[@ewanedwards6822]

Cyber seduction totally had a sequel: It was called Old fashioned, and it was worse.

[@enkidude9372]

Ewan Edwards what happens

[@ewanedwards6822]

@@enkidude9372 Its a very bad romance movie with a guy who is too afraid to literally interact with his girlfriend in any way possible, this is not a story point, this does not lead to character development, he literally stays that way.

[@marcohidalgo1101]

I'm guessing it was so bad even Jeremy Sumpter didn't return to reprise his role.

[@Densester]

I straight up can't find this one, what?

[@ewanedwards6822]

@@Densester If you need some help, look up Cinema snob: Old fashioned, you should get the result.

[@carbon4454]

You know it's sad when Ralph parties harder than the 'drugged up, wasted teens'.

[@MisterMisanthropic]

Ralph’s one-man rave was crazier than the drug party in Perfect High

[@giovannizerbini3119]

Mister Misanthropic of Gulf City, I regularly come back to this video just to rewatch that scene

[@farkbett699]

@@giovannizerbini3119 something about it just makes me so happy

[@RTU130]

Ye

[@joegreenwell5476]

I don't know. Kinky the Clown is a pretty good name.

[@boyenjoyer7]

Joe Greenwell thats what my town calls me

[@jamestomato1744]

Funny, that the bullies are the ones that represent societal values. When in reality, they represent the opposite. What, with the bullying other people, and belittling them to feel better about themselves and assert themselves as superior and what not.

[@mihaelkYeah]

Funnily enough it's a name some people would be proud to be called. 😅

[@jellyjas2624]

"This is my jammity jam" is the whitest thing I've ever seen or heard. And I once teared up over the spiciness of a singular hot cheeto

[@brocksdaddy081910]

"Look at all the pregnant people" is probably the funniest thing I've ever heard.

[@joegreenwell5476]

"and then she tries meth" as you do "and then she tries heroin" might as well

[@sychosebastian9551]

@@JoJoJoker Gotta wash the meth down with some heroin

[@gilatrouble295]

@@sychosebastian9551 and clear out your nose with some good ol Colombian powder.

[@TheM-qo8zs]

And then everyone clapped

[@sychosebastian9551]

@@TheM-qo8zs what

[@TheM-qo8zs]

@@sychosebastian9551 It's a reference to a story that sounds crazy and made up and ends with everyone clapping, which makes it even more unbelievable

[@JackindaSack]

I remember I had to watch Cyber Seduction with my parents when I was 12 because my parents walked in on my downloading a Minecraft mod, which they claimed was obviously porn. They told me I was going to become addicted and kill myself if I kept downloading porn, this was 2011, after like people stopped downloading porn too.

[@azau2457]

Jack Sack what was the mod?

[@AnnoyingOrange420]

Azau This needs an answer, I won’t be able to sleep until it is

[@PoppinRandomBubbles]

Squorch974 how's your insomnia going?

[@AnnoyingOrange420]

Gornad Huckshucxgod kill me

[@TheMostUninterestingMan]

Whatever, don't act like you weren't downloading lewd Minecraft mods. Shame on you for making your parents look bad instead of admitting you're addicted to porn.

[@thegamecorner2709]

The beginning of perfect high is how Bella Thorne was while she worked with Disney The rest of it is Bella Thorne on Tana mongoloid

[@thecoach3577]

Imagine being an actor, even an amateur one, and seeing the line “oh yeah, this is my jammity jam”

[@fabulog7010]

7:47 I mean, I'd make fun of him too. That shit's so vanilla it's practically ice cream.

[@magicrainbowkitties1023]

Ha

[@PETRIXXXX]

That shits so soft you could prevent someone from dying of hitting the ground too hard with it

[@keniel-prime6214]

@@PETRIXXXX It's practically kid friendly.

[@stinameaner]

They make out it's so twisted though

[@oarck]

Literally just subscribed and there was an upload immediately after. Love you dad

[@Yoshinator]

me too.

[@thewhites6895]

Ordan O SAME

[@milesd1068]

me 2222

[@CutItOff]

same

[@Octilly]

brother

[@burntoutalldaway]

you ever notice that every single lifetime movie’s climax happens with like 10 minutes left, then they just hastily attempt to tie up all the loose ends.

[@memesliketendies]

25:46 *THIS IS MY JAMITY JAM*

[@paullooney3650]

I will now yell "This is my jammy jaaaaaam!" any time a good song comes on."

[@shneebly5619]

whats the song at the start

[@shneebly5619]

OMG thank you ive been searching for it for ages

[@evangerthemediamogul1055]

I want it as a shirt myself.

[@noesunyoutuber7680]

Paul Looney Do you have friends anymore? How did this experiment turn out?

[@sen-te8oq]

if there's one thing that lifetime is about is to give your parents something to lecture you on. its retarded. im a teenager, but in lifetimes eyes, im a psychopathic drug and porn addict who hates his parents. That's lifetime for you, m8

[@TheGuy420]

First a Danimals commercial, then a Disney Channel sitcom, and now this. Bella Thorne's on a roll.

[@teetee1640]

TheGuyYouWantToBe I'm pretty sure the sitcom came before the commercial

[@tony-wt1wq]

LIKE THIS RIGHT? SMOOOOOOOOOOOTHHHHHH

[@Preeve]

TheGuy Don't forget a shit Adam Sandler film and a bad video game movie adaption!

[@brendansculley8572]

Reeve Isaacs What was the video game adaptation?

[@Preeve]

Brendan Sculley Ratchet and Clank I think.

[@APCDraw]

Went to MyLifetime to get help for my furry porn addiction but was only given an excellent pot roast recipe

[@SharkyMcSnarkface]

Come on, if you’re gonna mention it, share it. The pot roast recipe or the porn. Either is good.

[@reillymcwriting]

Preferrably the pot roast. I need to make one for the town picnic ASAP!

[@paulamontoya4942]

He prefaces the funeral scene with the "joke", I've been playing a single dad of three all these years and now I am one. So it's Bob Saget's wife. Didn't know she died. Guess ya learn something new every day.

[@its-ame1982]

the first movie gave me a lust for bust but when do i not have a lust for bust ami right

[@its-ame1982]

ikr i would have made a joke on that too like "im ketting a bit of a kinky clown" but i was too lazy

[@leon30517]

...... huh?

[@jackdaniels4975]

I like women who are clothed... It leaves to my imagination. Or they're wearing something sexy like a short plaid skirt and stockings. Cat stockings, because cute can be sexy :3

[@BobofWOGGLE]

Eileen Blurrr I'm one for the ol' boiler suit + burlap-sack-on-head meme. ;^)

[@luffyduffy7817]

This is the kind of video I've been waiting for my whole life. I've been fascinated with the awfulness of Lifetime Movies since I was twelve and I've seen most of these and it's hilarious to see them get the shit ripped out of them.

[@UPtheIRONS52]

Jayne Hello fellow Misfits fan

[@gorkaaustin5306]

I like misfits

[@TheCullen513]

Jayne One could call you a TV Casualty of sorts.

[@KatieM-ss6qg]

Jayne same

[@BeeegYosh]

Jayne qqqqq

[@gardetto265]

Hey, I actually like lifetime movies. Some of them are better then movies in theaters. Not because the acting is amazing. Mainly because they have absolutely ridiculous stories. Entertainment at its finest

[@evank4777]

Dawson Garret they got us in the first half not gonna lie

[@Meta-Drew]

Bruh, if you don't watch Lifetime Original Christmas movies you are missing out. They have a rotating pool of like 10 specialist Christmas actors under contract that they just mix and match for every movie and each actor is in at least 3 every year. Then there are only like 3 distinct plots but they just swap who is the single parent, who doesn't believe in Christmas, and whose parents just died around within the same story structure. The efficiency with which they can churn out formulaic movies and the way they modulate certain parts of the story while there are certain plot points that must never change in order for them to hit the exact same emotional beats in movie after movie is endlessly entertaining. I've been watching them every few years for nearly 2 decades now and never get bored.

[@fanofmoststuff4405]

6:19 He Mentions his brother plays GTA. THATS WORSE THAN SOFT CORE PORN!

[@phreakinpher]

Not only that but the openly celebrate the murder of a drug dealer in front of their mom in order to cover for it because GTA murder is better than SC porn!

[@greentaigo2552]

@@phreakinpher I like how unnatural that sentence sounds. like any video game mention in a movie really

[@HeyitsTom999]

@@greentaigo2552 "yo dude I finally won the boss in level four!" "Whoa! Nobody wins level four!"

[@mm-gy5ir]

@@HeyitsTom999 "but it should be no problem for you, the master of unlocking".

[@trygveplaustrum4634]

1st Lifetime Original Movie: Scolds the protagonist for looking at pictures that would only be considered mildly sexy. 2nd Lifetime Original Movie: Has a cover that is infinitely sexier than anything in the 1st movie.

[@AaronKaiMCDNLD]

NO JOKE THE TITLE SCREEN OF LIZ AND DICK TURNED ME ON MORE THAN ANYTHING SHOWN IN CYBER SEDUCTION

[@amen9715]

One thousand likes and a single reply (excluding mine)

[@flynnhiggins-baker1916]

The funeral at 14:33 was the writers for these movies creativity

[@666AMC666]

"These people are freaks for looking up totally vanilla af porn that almost every teenager has done at least once" What a great message to put out there btw, you're a freak if you do what literally almost every person has done.

[@georgecant-stand-yeh5451]

TheLastLaugh yeah I guess that makes sense but I don’t think the “good” people at lifetime had that goal intended

[@wyvernskin5690]

🅱️ig 🅱️reasted women

[@CoffeeFilms17]

WyvernSkin but is it 🅱️oneless

[@mlipdg9870]

WyvernSkin 🅱️ig 🅱️reasted machine 🅱️r🅾️ke.

[@x_griffin_x]

🅱ℹ️g 🅱re🅰sted w🅾Ⓜ️en get 🅱🅾ned. 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

[@compedycakemine6960]

🅱oo🅱 🅱achine 🅱roke

[@smilecentral24]

A 🅱️ust for 🅱️ust

[@MegaFawfulfan]

boy: white and yellow kill a fellow, purple and blue good for you girl: ....... but the berry's red

[@J-BiRTH]

That's for snakes dumbass.

[@The_Real_Frisbee]

Just remember the #1 rule whenever you're questioning if a berry is poisonous or not: YOLO

[@thejedisonic67]

My rule for Berry's: If it's black and yellow, Barry B Benson will kill you.

[@MilkScrew]

It's "Red on Yellow, kill a fellow. Red on Black, venom lack." for snakes. The coral snake to be exact. It's hard to get bitten by them because their mouths are so small, but caution around any snake never hurt anyone.

[@MilkScrew]

For berries, it's, "If it tastes like burning, DON'T FUCKING EAT IT!!!"

[@jordan_roadhouse4798]

7:20 I like how she kicks him out and chases him as he was leaving him anyway.... 😂😂

[@liquidsandwich1052]

Tbh I think the kid in the first film was in the right when he yelled "get out of my face!" His dad literally grabbed him and yelled at him over and over again, then rather than be the bigger man, he basically grabs his son and nearly smacks him for getting irritated

[@madamefluffy4788]

The Pregnancy Pact pisses me off on so many levels. Not only does it glorify teen pregnancy; but vilifies anyone who isn't supporting a bunch of kids having babies. WTF, Lifetime!?!

[@jbdbibbaerman8071]

But HOW DARE YOU WATCH PORN!

[@antipsychotic451]

it kinda makes me sad, honestly like anybody who has a kid at 16 has to try really hard to actually be successful in life, it's pretty much a life of misery and mediocrity

[@ConfettiCasket]

Apparently looking at a boob is bad but being pregnant as a teenager is perfectly fine.

[@HarunoMaxwell6115]

Madame Fluffy Yeah. That movie should actually be a short film with a girl or two later regretting what they had done because they can't go to school, how their parents feel towards them, and the last parts of the SF could end them off accepting their responsibility of taking care of their baby sons. I also think TLC's Unexpected glorifies that too. Even though they have a website to prevent that THEN WHY WON'T THEY MOSTLY TALK TO THE TEEN ABOUT THAT?! And the blonde girl is pregnant again.

[@NoMoreSuperHero]

You ungrateful bastards, our great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, grandmothers were already married and dying during childbirth when they were barely into puberty!!

[@armouredskeptic]

make your fucking bed man seriously

[@imslayton]

lol no

[@iclimbeverything2990]

how are you not top comment? I subbed iwl

[@imslayton]

***** fight, Fight, FIGHT, FIGHT.

[@tflowers180]

bro why do you look and remind me of quicksilver from xmen??

[@shoowikaczynski2718]

you like bad movie reviews don't you, Gregory

[@duncan279]

i need everyone to know that i quote "this is my jammity jaaam!" in ralphs exact intonation almost daily

[@rosesmitty1206]

I wish ralph would make videos like this again. At least i can continue to rewatch the really great videos. Just wish he didnt lose passion.

[@bill03699]

I go on igram all the time as well as clicksters on my Xbox computer.

[@thevoldy5730]

is bill 2GAY2LIFT?

[@nimbus997]

You sir, are truly a legend

[@bill03699]

Austin Mangrum :)

[@LegoMelonz15]

Bill Engelhuber U Toob is where I get my JaMmY jAmS

[@bill03699]

LegoMelonz15 also vyn

[@WeekendWarrior1]

Thank you for being a gift to mankind.

[@TheGmodParty]

Weekend Warrior collab you ass pirating bumjaws

[@LyleVSXyle]

"it coulda been a good movie" squad

[@duckywinks]

Fancy seeing you here. You make good shit man.

[@gorkaaustin5306]

The Dinkster Hello, dinky, I rang you.

[@godisdeadandimheretorule4580]

Jeff+ speaking of good shit, release the movie you hack!

[@ThatScootFanboy]

Oh my god, Ralph watched all eight movies; oh my god, I can't believe it.

[@LifeBySpades]

Just wanna say Ralph's videos got me through this whole week, I've had the rona and have been dying in bed feeling like a total mess and this has helped me relax through and laugh through it so thank you!