random day in the life + processing an autism diagnosis

Welcome to my first KZbin video! Random day in the live vlog, discussing my late autism diagnosis and the grief that comes with it, and celebrating 100K subscribers here on KZbin!
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[@GeoPol01]

20s are a weird time to be an autistic person. I lotta my family expected I’d out grow my autistic traits, but surprise, no that’s just who I am. In fact now that I’ve met more people like me, a lot of those traits have come back

[@morgaanfoley]

Ur so right it’s really weird being autistic in ur 20s. Totally not how I thought young adulthood was going to go but I’m making the best out of it. My family expected me to grow out of my autistic traits too!

[@luffypunketa]

this is so real

[@reneedittmer9625]

People never really grow out of autistic traits. It sticks to you like glue. There are ways to help people with autistic traits but it will never go away.

[@xthefordx]

Hey Morgan! I'm 22 years old also and I have been on a journey to get diagnosed for over 2 years. I am on what I know now it's a burnout for those 2 years. I'm right now waiting for the official diagnosis but I just want to say that your videos have help me so much. For the first time in my life, I relate to someone! And you give me the inspo to actually start a life. I'm in the exact position as you but I have no one and no job. Exactly what you say is what I feel! Thank you so much for making me feel seen and making me feel a part of something! I feel everything you say and no one else in my life understands. I can't thank you enough!! The child me and the adult me is very thankful for you!

[@morgaanfoley]

I’m so happy for you that you are finally getting the diagnosis after 2 years of waiting!! You aren’t alone❤️❤️🥰

[@pipersmart9549]

MORGON YOUR SOOO GORGEOUS

[@Giggle.wolf_12.7]

I totally agree with this too. Life finally made sense after I saw that my whole life experience wasn't me being insane! Feeling seen and heard and no more alone. All of the Autistic community feels like brothers, sisters, family. All I have wanted was validation, and I got it end of last year. With everything that happened, 2024 is a fantastic new beginning - the one I needed. Not even neurotypicals can handle their '"lovely"' system 😂 So this year I get *ALL the days* to work on my self-sufficient lifestyle and my plant nursery! Idk but at 21, because of all this I've found my philosophy, my view, my way forward - something I'm happy with. All my life I've longed for this moment or even just to get close to it! Here I am - Christian, no longer the 'Arch-Misery' of the path of hatred (born out of my anger and confusion when I was like 11) And I am happy to say I feel no loss, I am happy with who I am and where this is going :) Congratulations! All my best wishes and prayers for your future and that of this channel. You are going to go so far, Morgan 😁 I'll be sticking around because I have not been so inspired, ever. Lately I have met other autistics and lonely "different people" and have been helping them to heal and find a safe space with me. I praise God also and give thanks... I just have to put your name here, Lindsay. You played a main role in this by starting that convo that day on Insta :))) The sufferings are not in vain, the pain isn't wasted and with us who had so much of that... the world needs to see the character and perseverance we built and have grown into from our many trials of fire. Blessings, peace, goodwill and all the strength needed to handle your greater success I pray for you to have 🙏🏻🤍

[@lifeturtletravesia]

I had my diagnosis last year and I think it affected me too much..

[@xthefordx]

@@morgaanfoley Thank you so much! You're helping so many people, I hope you know that! :)

[@inspectre27]

Re: Grieving. I'm 50 and pursuing a diagnosis. 50 years is a long time to be autistic and not know it (assuming I am). I'm in the strange position of being desperate to know for certain, and complete terror of knowing for certain. I've seen a lot of videos talking about the grief for a life someone expected or planned, and coming to terms with the lost future. I have fear because I'm going to have to look back on a life of anguish and distress and grieve for the life that could have been, had I not been striving to meet allistic standards. And grief for the person that I never met because he was masking so furiously for so long that now he can barely tell which parts are really him. I'm going to keep moving past the fear, though, because I must know.

[@dreamscape405]

I'm late diagnosed woman at age 50, and Totally relate. I feel so cheated out of so many things, especially my true authenticity. Of course, I'm doing my best to make up for lost time, but, I do have moments of serious grief about being unaware for over half my life. It makes me angry too. I also kind of "miss" the old self like what she said in the video. There was definitely more "fun" times, but then I realize, I was living someone else's life, and the huge expense I was paying for it, through constant burnouts, overwhelming anxiety, and depression, wasn't fun. Now, in these moments of romanticizing the past, I see how unbelievably, and constantly TIRED I was, and am happier now that I don't have to perform like a circus act, just to exist. It's a trade off, and I'm liking this true version of me much better, even though the events in my life are less exciting. However, I'm now incorporating small, less frequent, moments of those former, typical "excitements", and while it does drain me, I'm able to enjoy it more, since I know it can't happen that often. I would take the life I have now, over the exhausted, depressed, anxious, person I was before. ANY DAY. Take care.

[@meatme53]

I just turned 55. Never too late. Going from victim thinking all my life to finally realize that things were basically beyond my control. I’m now trying to see a future rather than live in the past, everyday.

[@ericv7720]

50 year old autistic person here too. A life of incessant masking and endless disappointment has left me a burnt-out husk. Most of the time, I just don't want to do sh*t, and I used to be an energetic guy!

[@dordly]

idk if I'm actually autistic or not but I sure show all the signs. I don't really care to get diagnosed, I don't see how that would benefit me. I don't feel like my future is "lost", mostly-neurotypical people also have to cope with not accomplishing the big dreams they came up with and have to settle for what they can get, so I don't think that's really a specific issue to people with autism. you shouldn't say "I have autism, therefore I can't have a good life with notable accomplishments", that's just gonna make you feel bad for no reason. I think really realizing you're just human and simply trying your hardest to do what you're able is all you need to do, and one day when you're 70 or 80 or 90 or 100, you'll look back and say "I'm glad I didn't give up due to my disability and did my best. I have no regrets because I always tried my hardest."

[@user-kl6fo5oc4w]

I’m so grateful to the younger generations that are getting this to social media.❤I started to come to terms with the possibility of being autistic last year. I just turned 45 and I finally have an explanation for so many of my struggles growing up and in adulthood. It’s quite a relief and also frustrating but I am thankful for the youths that are out here validating experiences. Thank you!

[@nonsequitor]

For everyone in their 20's going through this: good luck. It'd be easy to say 'well at least you know early'..but just as finding out in your 40's is brutal because of everything you've lost, it's gotta be equally brutal facing all the stuff you're dealing with at 20 anyway, with this on top. But hopefully at least it's going to save you some of the decades of *confused* self hatred that many very late diagnosed people go through.

[@dreamscape405]

I'm late diagnosed woman at age 50, and feel so cheated out of many things. That's over half my life just GONE, being unaware, depressed, anxious, being constantly judged, over being too "weird", and I just need to "try harder ", not to mention the constant bullying, even as an adult, and being outcasted from not only my family, but supposed friends. I felt relieved when I was diagnosed, yet super angry and sad. I still have serious grief moments, but then I have to look at my life now, and try to make up for lost time, as much as possible. I no longer care about the opinions of others, when they look at me strangley, or have something negative to say about me. I just cut them off, and move on. I've fully stepped into my authenticity, and it feels great!! I can now, express myself how I truly want, and need to, in the peaceful environment I've created. I'm also having certain, infrequent moments where I plan more typical "excitements ", and while I know it's going to drain me, I enjoy it more, to the fullest I can, because if I'm going to pay for it, you bet I'm DEFINITELY making the most out of it. I try not to think about the past, since I can't change it, but only move forward to make the life I truly want, and need. My super late diagnosis was simultaneously filled with grief, yet extremely liberating. I choose to focus on the liberation.❤🥂💃

[@hollyberry0602]

You totally hit the nail on the head. I'm 21, almost 22, and I got diagnosed officially when I was 19. Discovering I was autistic was freeing in a way, it felt so good to know that I wasn't the only one who's brain didn't work right. But dealing with it has been a very difficult experience. I feel like I'm tired constantly, I never have the energy to do anything, I finished college mid-pandemic and tried to go to uni when it was over but the environment was terrifying and I knew my mental health just couldn't take the pressure of education again. I can only go out one day before I need a recovery period. I can barely keep up with keeping my room clean. I can't work at all To make it worse, my twin sister isn't autistic and she's living a life I can only dream of having. I feel useless and worthless because I don't do ANYTHING. It really has been a grieving process. When I was younger I had all these dreams of travelling alone to everywhere and anywhere, being a totally independent woman, I wanted to have a career I was proud of and worked towards. But all that kind of just disappeared. I freaked out on a two day trip with family to another city, imagine trying to go on a plane ALONE in a foreign country? I can barely get myself out of bed and pick a meal to eat (let alone cook it myself) most days, how am I ever supposed to live totally independently? Most careers are 9-5 and require education, training or major accomodations to work for me, and the classic workplace just isn't feasible. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I'm always going to be the odd one out in my group of friends. I'll always be more childish or more picky or more difficult. I'll never be able to go on nights out with them, or go to events they enjoy. And to say it's been hard is an understatement. It helps to know I'm not alone. One of my big goals this year is, as my Mum puts it, to feel okay with being a square. We use the analogy a lot of a square peg in a round hole to describe my experiences. It's like I'm always judging myself and hating myself for not being more neurotypical. So we're taking it one step at a time. Your channel has honestly been one of the best resources I've found for explaining how I feel sometimes. I've shown some of your shorts to family members to help explain just how difficult things are sometimes. Like how even if it looks like I do nothing, I'm not spending all day relaxing, it's not fun for me! So, thank you for sharing and congratulations for reaching 100k!

[@gravityfalls494]

I can say for myself that it's not bad beeign childish or the square, i try to learn for myself (and also as a kiddo it was weird beeign the odd out but i still did my thing because even if i feel a bit lonely and out of place i should do what i wanna do and enjoy it how i want i was pretty clever then 😂) Anyway as a square u should learn to show who u are, try to love beeign u instead of judging how u not are. Depending on ur autism u can still kinda learn enjoying events, if u take ur time off somewhere on ur own it still can make fun (like i can do events others like i am exhausted after but the fun adrenaline take me to the masses even tho i try to avoid places where its so less space that i often touch other strangers by accident) On day u propably can be more independent, doing ur thing but like i always think it takes much more time to learn everything, thats why in my country they have wg groups for young adults that still need the small support at theire home, till forever or till they are ready. And its hard finding a fitting workspace, and enviorement but its possible, i believe in u, that u and me can get the best squares the world ever saw.

[@leaheljac]

Sorry, just had to say that the twin thing is so specifically relatable. I’m 20, diagnosed with autism and anxiety, and have a neurotypical and mentally healthy twin brother. There’s something extra hard about growing up side by side with a sibling (we even went to the same public school and class until I had a complete mental breakdown) and seeing them becoming more and more independent as life slowly crumbles around you.

[@CtrlAltDstrction]

Good to see you post your first video! I’m 33 and recently found this out, it’s been a hell of a grieving process but trying to find ways to push forward without pushing too hard. Appreciate your content.

[@AdonisGaming93]

I think what hurts the most is sitting here in my room now at 30, watching someone on youtube describing exactly how the last 30 years of my life have been like. Looking back at who I was before the age of 25, that guy was just so awesome. He had girlfriends, he had academic success, my professors thought I was gonna be dominating wallstreet right now succeeding at life. And, here I am. Everything fell apart. I could not take it anymore and now I'm closer toward living as minimally as I can and away from other people so I could have my own time to recharge and be myself. I know a normal life is not going to happen, but I at least am trying my best to be able to be independent in the future and at least try to live somewhat of a life.

[@MusicLover-rz7vx]

Thank you so much for sharing about your experiences with autism. We all need to feel like we are understood. It is wonderful seeing someone my age sharing about the same struggles I deal with.

[@theiasadventures6920]

Hi I’m autistic and I’m nine and it’s really scary doing stuff but then when I found you I felt a lot happier and you help me so much so thankyou You are amazing and inspired me to do loads because at the start I was terrible just doing nothing now I kind of am but you have helped me loads so thankyou so much I love you 🎉❤

[@theedgeofoblivious]

I am really glad to see a different kind of video from you. Your TikTok videos have always been really interesting and relatable, and this is more interesting than you think.

[@LaCafedora]

Thanks for the video, Morgan! I, too, am mourning the life I thought I'd have before discovering my autism. It has only recently occurred to me that I'm not ever going to be able to have most of the things I thought I'd have. I am grateful to finally have a job that I like and that I can do without burning out, but a big factor is that it's part-time. I've accepted that I'm going to always have to depend on others to help support me, but that my shame and unwillingness to accept that is not about it being genuinely shameful or inappropriate, rather it is societal values telling us that we must be independent, able-bodied, productive workers, and that's all bullshit! My friends love me and want me to succeed. Burnout is no fun for me and also prevents me from contributing in the way that I want to contribute, so part-time work will have to do, somehow. We can still be contributing members of society even if we're not doing the most possible to make billionaires richer.

[@AwkwardPasta004]

im literally experiencing this rn. i dont have a diagnosis yet but just the realization has made me feel like my symptoms are worse. especially since my current job won't listen to me about my disabilities (diagnosed adhd) and this job is punishing me for not working the way they want while also not listening to me about being disabled. hard times rn

[@AnkleIsland]

Love the awareness you do for late diagnosed autists and for all the awareness you do for our community!

[@photasticimages363]

Late diagnosed AuDHD man, here. I was diagnosed at a few months away from 69 years old. Yet the emotional "aftermath" has been essentially what you describe, even if arrived at by slightly different routes. I mourn my high-masking self, even though that led me to multiple periods of burnout and countless meltdowns (un-recognized as such until diagnosis) throughout my life. I also mourn the career I thought I was going to have, more so, perhaps, because now it's in retrospect - a "had I but known" situation. But life is just like that, sometimes, whether you're ND or NT. The best laid plans... However, I do have to admit that, even though things didn't go exactly as I'd planned (do they ever?), there were some (very good) things that I never would have experienced had I not strayed from/been forced off my originally intended path. TL;DR: I think that, no matter what age you get diagnosed at, the steps may be a little different, but the dance is the same. Wishing you all the best on your journey.

[@jasmineledesma3234]

I’m autistic and I have meltdowns where I hurt myself…..glad to know that I’m not the only adult who has meltdowns!

[@Crystal-el2qo]

Hey! I'm also a late diagnosed Autistic. I got diagnosed at 39. I'm now 40. What a ride it has been! I relate a lot to what you said. You have a new subscriber! And congrats on 100k!

[@Catlady1210]

How did you ever find a physician who took the time and delve in?!? I am so happy for you to get answers. I just turned 40 and it has just been decades of not knowing . I am so miserable.

[@Crystal-el2qo]

@@Catlady1210 Thankfully, my evaluation didn't require a doctor's referral. I went through a private psychologist organization in a neighboring town. It was expensive though. Over 2k.

[@msmltvcktl]

So basically not an option for anyone on disability. 😞

[@thequietlife1152]

Hey Morgan! You’ll find what you need to keep your balance i.e. amount of socializing, diet, sleep, products, clothes etc.. Just know having fun can be a part of that. At 51 I’m newly self-diagnosed, but somehow created a life that fits my needs over the years. It can be done. 💕 Congrats on the 100k subscribers! You’re doing great! 🎉

[@shirasheartbeats]

You are amazing ❤ i am not diagnosed, yet, recently i felt i identify quite a lot with people who share their experience with autism. I always thought i was depressed and anxious and then ptsd..i have a lot of trauma, yet..i remember myself as a child extremly shy, running away from people who would visit my grandparents...and being afraid of any human that was not in my circle (grandparents and maybe one auntie..one cousin..) i was also very clingy and develoled obsessions towards these specific persons (i did not been around my parents the first years of my life..) i always felt something is terribly awkward about being me..inside me. Inner me. Always. I masked a lot, i was a extrovert, the soul of the party, people centered..and then i would have these mental breakdowns that i thought is depression back then. I spent my 20's like a super extrovert social person...and now in my 30's i have 0 friends, i avoid as much as i can human contact...i suffer that i work with people 3 days per week. I am married and have a loving husband who understands and shares much with me, two parrots that i adore..and bunch of passions that keep my heart beating ❤ but yes, i understand the grieving...i had it. Now, i'm more aware that..by respecting my mmm "limitations" or better said psychological needs...i do have a more peaceful life rather than boring. It is peace..it is a restful feeling in it. And it makes me happy I arrived at this point even though I look like a boring awkward human for my colleagues..it makes me happy I can have a space to be me, and support myself day by day. I wish you much peace and seeing the beauty of your own life. Even in the most limited situations..we can still grow some magic and experience quite exciting stuff ❤

[@fairlynuts]

Thanks for all your shorts and your first video! You’re doing great!

[@General_Otter]

congratulations on 100k, love your shorts, it’s fun to see you making a long video too

[@lizd124]

Yay! I was excited to see a video from you!! Great vlog and congratulations on 100k. Love your shorts. I’m autistic and add also I relate a lot to you. Thanks for making this content it’s important. 💖💜🙏🏻

[@ashlynelyse]

I love your videos so much they are truly so inspiring 💗💗💗

[@TulipFeild-ALDC]

You have helped me so much with my autism thank you so much for sharing about your experiences with autism and im now finally being able to relate to someone and im understanding my autism more thank you so much ❤xx

[@wihmsikat]

Thank you so much for making a video like this and sharing what your life has been like through this journey. I'm 20 and have recently discovered that I am autistic and am going through similar situations, but it is so refreshing to know I am not alone in this. I loved this video and being able to see more into what your experiences are like and also just more about your life! I've followed you on tiktok for quite a while now and you are truly amazing and definitely inspire me

[@dylanssinging1695]

So relatable. And great video! Can’t wait for the next one

[@tabbywarrior]

Yay a long form video! Such straightforward and relatable content, thank you so much!

[@JojjosCreations]

Im also late diagnosed, just resently, Im 33 and I do recognise many things your talking about, I found you through your shorts and I like them and I like the vlog, hope you continue doing them 😊

[@gaberialla]

Thank you for sharing about your life. I honor you in so many ways literally. I have learned that it is okay to slow down and listen to your own body.

[@cigzandvalentines]

aw i’m so happy you posted a full length video! i’ve adored your short-form content recently and as an autistic seventeen-year-old i resonate so much with these videos 🥺

[@breannasullivan8520]

Morgan you have helped me except myself, I laugh and love myself! I look forward to hearing from you and seeing your new videos so much!

[@serrahna]

Hey Morgan! Thank you so much, the video of yours makes me feel like I’m not alone! I was diagnosed late with not autism but OCD and I literally feel what you say. My life changed completely and it feels boring compared to what I did before, but that had lead me to a mental breakdown. I was anxious and depressed for a long time making adjustments to my life. Your words felt so heartwarming, like I’m not the only one with these feelings. Please never stop doing what you do. ❤

[@ThatPaintingLass]

Congrats! So glad you’re trying out vlogging. It’s always nice to see more in the life stuff. I’m AuDHD late diagnosed at 33 after having two nerodivergent kids and crashing into burn out. We may be in two completely different places in our lives but I relate to almost all of your shorts. Thank you for your content.

[@AlexKawa20]

Your raw reaction to hitting 100K after having such a rough day was something that brought me joy to see! I just found your channel the other day, and being a fellow autistic around the same age (I'm 21), I related to it instantly. One thing I must tell you, though, is this: I know it's difficult to process all the changes that you feel immediately after being diagnosed, especially at such a later point in your life. I was diagnosed at 9 (which, to my knowledge, is pretty late for a male to be diagnosed), but my parents didn't tell me until I was 10, over a year later. It took me a while to process it, knowing that I would never be as "cool" as my peers, and that I would continue to be perceived as weird and awkward by a lot of them. But now, having just passed the 11th anniversary of me learning the truth, I am completely happy with who I am, and the person I'm becoming. It'll take some time, but you'll get there, and hopefully, this milestone is the first step towards that destination!

[@Mazygolucky]

Hey I’ve been watching your videos recently after thinking off and on that I might be autistic for the last two years. I think I’m finally ready at 24 to look into a diagnosis because I think I’m in a pretty intense burn out. I relate so much to all of your videos and they’ve definitely helped me to accept myself. I really resonated with your thoughts on mourning the life you thought you would have. That’s been a big topic with my therapist over the last few months for various reasons.

[@J.E.M.420]

I am the same way with makeup. Plus it’s super hard for me to do my own makeup because I am low vision! And congrats on your first blog and 100k followers! ❤

[@audpiggy]

also i’m really proud of you ❤i understand how exhausting & overwhelming it is to be autistic. for example: i literally celebrate for myself when i wash my face because i just can’t do it every day. so i’m happy that you do what you can and take time to recover ❤

[@MDev1997]

Hey Morgan! I'm almost 27 and literally just finally got my autism diagnosis a week ago! I've known I was ADHD since I was in 8th grade, but have been struggling my whole life with being unknowingly a highly-masked autistic person. I relate a lot to what you talk about and it's genuinely people like you on social media that led me to discover that I was autistic and to work towards getting diagnosed. Thank you for everything you do! Also, I'm sending support your way because autistic burnout and coming out of burnout is SO hard ❤️ I'm currently working on trying to steer myself out of the burnout I entered a few months ago and have made quite a bit of progress by taking responsibilities off of my plate, accommodating my sensory needs way more and trying to unmask while at home with my partner and with my closest friends. (I also actually grew up in MA my whole life. I moved out to VT for college and stayed after I graduated so I've lived here for a little over 8 years, but my parents and dogs still live there so I visit them often because I could never stay away from my pups for too long 😂)

[@baileyplayz1844]

Hey Morgan! I’m so glad KZbin has now shown me your videos I’ve just now watched them all and really relate to them so much. More than any other Autistic videos I’ve been watching lately. I got diagnosed with autism in the beginning of 2021 at age 17 and was so so confused about myself that I had lost myself and am still trying to figure this all out. Realizing why I acted was as a child and why I act differently now was eye opening if that makes sense I don’t ever really know if I do or not. I saw one video and knew immediately that I was subscribing to you. It’s nice to see that you’re out of your meltdown. I’ve been in a huge meltdown for years now and don’t even know what happiness feels like anymore. Seeing your videos has given me a little bit of hope for myself. Also I love your curls I’ve been trying to take care of my curly hair too and it’s actually harder than what people make it look. I feel like we are like soul sisters it’s crazy how much I can relate to you. Also how are you able to drive? I’m terrified of driving and it feels illegal for someone like me to drive. And I feel forced to drive at this point because everyone in my life says I should start driving and they bother me about it. Oh goodness so sorry for my long comment I tend to type long paragraphs…

[@mx.rainbowgoth]

you did so well! congrats on 100k. also, long distance is sooooo hard. my husband and i just moved in together finally after 6ish years of being long distance. i was in california and he is in northern ireland. so now i am living in northern ireland after years of immigration bs. i hope soon enough you are able to be together in person for however long you want.

[@xdoctorsatanx]

Your "boring" day helped me feel so much less alone. Yarn shopping is the best shopping. I love your little vlog. It was so sweet and comforting to see that I'm not struggling with things like this alone. I didn't know until I was 31 that I'm autistic. And I used to have the wonderful adventure life too. I miss it. But looking bad I was not healthy or happy. How do you support yourself when you grieve that loss, I struggle to handle it. And the gaslighting. Me too girl. Me too. Like I used to be able to why can't I now. It's hard. I can't wait to see more vlogs from you ❤

[@mariakalini4168]

Aw you're so sweet, congrats on the subscribers (: good luck with spreading your message (:

[@rebecamorais6932]

It was amazing Morgan keep going! 🎉

[@juliefoulk1963]

Thank you for posting. By watching your videos i see a lot of myself in you. Now I don't feel as lonely.

[@jaybrock2595]

you got through it just fine afterall, and also your observations are very interesting and insightful as always.because part of your unplanned life would seem to include an innate ability to reflect with a gifted clarity and the ability to share that with others with a charming and creative dialogue.

[@TrainzProductions]

Wow this is a quite an interesting video I have autism myself too i was diagnosed with autism since i was around 3 years old I'm now 13 and i love your content also i hope your having a wonderful day Morgan and keep up the great work!

[@rishi-m]

Cheers for the video, it brings a different perspective on how people led their lives before, in my case I was just more or less chilling (not like in a no activity way but in terms of pressure), tumbling around and doing what I can to contribute; so the change has not been drastic..

[@shadowstitan]

I am turning 38 in a couple of months, and was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD about 6 months ago now. I have definitely been feeling this mourning period of not only not getting my previous life back, but also what my life could have been if I had known sooner. I had/have been struggling for so long with no idea why. I am glad I have answers now, but still don't have the knowledge or experience yet on how to cope. Thank you for your video. It makes me feel not alone.

[@ladyhae9858]

your hair looks so pretty❤

[@c0niferal]

I'm also 22, finally got diagnosed last year after spiralling mental health from burnout since just pre pandemic. I'm only really coming to terms with new expectations for myself now, & that the issues I face aren't temporary mental health ones but just.. part of me. Similar again with living a boring, safe life. I'm living with my parents, always exhausted, always at home, for me unemployed. I used to play football (soccer for you guys), go clubbing, spend time with friends before dropping out from university, have friends. Now I just try manage day to day, seeing my therapist & working on myself, trying to build myself back up to reach for independence a second time. It was very validating & emotional to hear you talk about this, thank you

[@fromunicornstodragons]

We're so similar! Same first name, same age, similar hair, and it sounds like the same struggles too. Definitely relate to every single thing you said in this video and some others that I've seen. Glad to see there's someone just like me out there!

[@anieningles]

Looooooooved loved the video and looking forward to more blogs 🖤 you are sort of a virtual friend to me now ☺️

[@Littlebigtime]

I think i was misdiagnosed as bipolar. Im 33 and think im autistic. Thanks for your videos and short videos ive learned a lot and connected with a lot of symptoms that you explain so well.

[@zac_con]

Great first KZbin video! And congrats on 100k 🎉

[@morgaanfoley]

Thank you so much!!🎉❤😊

[@blind_gamer16]

How ya doin Morgan. Just saying now that you videos are really uplifting me. It also shows me what life is like as someon who is diagnosed with autism late in life. Kinda wanting to get diagnosed too...

[@christmaslover_1928]

hi morgan :) im autistic and soon getting diagnosed for adhd, and have tourettes/tics, and i also love crocheting and going through extreme tiredness and dismotivation aswell, just know your not alone and you can get through this! also happy aniversary!! also could you please make a tutorial if that jumper is crocheted? (if i have the motivation to actually complete it XD although im similar to you in alot of ways you are super productive when it comes to crocheting and i find it hard to concentrate XDDD

[@blubbfisch98]

I got diagnosed at the age of 22, thank you for saying that you miss your old masked-self. I was never able to put this feeling into words.

[@mariaantoniaaaa]

its been my wish for a long time that u start a youtube channel. there are a few female autistic youtubers that i watch but your tiktoks is the content that always resonated with me the most and made me feel TRULY understood. not to get all parasocial but i feel like i trust you. i trust the information and advice u put out. it feels genuine. i relate to you a lot and u make me feel seen.

[@rosameijering5161]

Girl don't limit yourself take it by the day you don't need to be everything just your best self

[@kennavlogs]

haven’t even watched the video yet but am so excited!! was diagnosed at 14 and can relate a ton to you!!

[@joshdeval9545]

You have a really soothing voice

[@CJ-qw4og]

Great job on your first vlog!!

[@StefanePreston]

I’m in the diagnostic process, in my 30s. Even though I’m awaiting my final assessment appointment, there is no doubt in my mind now that I’m autistic. It explains why the anxiety meds aren’t working, why when I have what we thought were panic attacks I spiral for days and nothing helps, why I am okay for awhile and then hit a wall and can’t function. I’m coming to terms with it, but know that when I finally get the official diagnosis, it’s still going to hit hard.

[@heather3949]

Great job on the blog, Morgan! And congrats on 100K!! I really enjoyed watching this day in the life, it looked like a really fun day to me. I am 33 and diagnosed when I was 16 and still trying to understand and accept it because for many years even when diagnosed I was trying to hide it and still do much of the time. I love crochet, started over 10 years ago which I can't believe I've been crocheting that long, on and off. I've enjoyed following you on Instagram and now am excited to follow you on KZbin. Have a wonderful day!

[@fakedeath13]

Started realizing at 24 that I was always treated differently than others, 27 now and still putting pieces together slowly, and to say that not being diagnosed has taken a lot of work to process and accept, but I'm proud of the progress I've made to be kinder to myself and understand that there is nothing wrong with me, it's just who I am.

[@sparrow1407]

We love you Morgan :) hope you stay out of burnout for at least a little bit

[@mikayla1450]

I often miss the version of myself when I was an undiagnosed teen and literally dying in order to keep up, like 2 jobs while at college, trying to learn how dating worked, etc. I was so impressive but also spent 110% of my time not wanting to exist. And then moving into the dorms I experienced severe burnout (and multiple friends were like “hey girl ily but you remind me of my autistic brother”). Finally got diagnosed at 19/20 and I’ve literally never felt more like a human than the day I was told “your brain is LITERALLY processing differently”. I’m mainly just upset about the accommodations I needed but couldn’t have without a diagnosis, and being told how awful I was for expressing that I was “jealous” of the boys bc they got pencil grips and seat cushions (which could’ve helped my sensory issues) and then when I was older I wished I could be in a study hall similar to the special ed work period and a teacher overheard me and told me that I was basically scum for wanting to take away their resources when I was so accomplished and capable. So I never asked for help, nearly died of heartbreak when my emotional support cats died and was literally allergic to metal and outdoors. Good times. Anyway now I’m engaged, and my fiancé’s niece was diagnosed around the same time as me. Her parents were really struggling with how to process because they didn’t know what kind of life she could have, how much independence she could reach, would she ever find love, etc. And my fiancé sat them down and asked “would you ever have any of these concerns about my fiancée?” And they were horrified and said no, she’s so capable and social and blah blah, and he was like “okie dokie, because they’re both on the same spectrum, so….” and that really clicked for them that she’s gonna need some extra help with some things but she’s still going to have a full and happy life. She calls me auntie kaywa now 🥹

[@nadianikolov]

Hope you have a wonderful day. 💚

[@autisticgirlmelissal628]

Your so cute ^-^ I love wearing makeup and playing with colors, I just don't wear makeup every single day only to go out only for a few hours thats all and to do fun makeup content on TikTok/KZbin :) and it takes me 4 or 5 hours to content in a day while doing my makeup can take 30 or 40 mins and then after when I am done, I leave my makeup on a little while because i like how fun it looks and so colorful or dark it depends, but it gets itchy so I take it off and I feel relaxed and then I have to start editing a lot of the videos for KZbin,TikTok and then pics etc. after 3 or 4 days later taking a break and then doing makeup videos content again it's a lot and I get so tired.

[@FearDies]

I want to binge your content but I don't use tiktok, no rush but upload more frequently on here when possible!

[@NiinaSKlove]

I’m autistic too. Diagnosed in my late 30s, - and now I’m in my 40s. Even if I’m a lot older than you, I can so relate to what you’re saying in the video. Grieving the life you thought you’d have is rough. However knowing that you’re autistic also can open your mind up to new ways of thinking and ways to create a different kind of life. But it’s a lot of work. I am happy to see another autistic person on KZbin, - I have subscribed and look forward to seeing more of your videos. 😊 Have a great the rest of the week 🐕🐕🐕😊😊😊

[@anastasia8268]

Was diagnosed with ADHD at 27 years and I so understand what you’re talking about grieving

[@anastasia8268]

I was active till 20 as well and then BOOM burnout

[@Varushasirbu]

So aesthetic❤

[@tolstoy21]

It's probably better to have this realization now, that you might have to tweak your goals, rather than having this realization after a lifetime of failing achieve any of those goals. It's a dark struggle to confront, everyday, the fact that the person you are doesn't match the person you wanted to be, and having no understanding why this is the case other than feeling like a complete failure. I did routine this from age 20 to 40 and it lead to some dark periods and struggles with major depressive disorder. I totally get the struggle, and my words are probably not the best encouragement, but this has been my experience from the other end of the journey.

[@babsbunny_]

P.s. you look fabulous and congratulations on 100k!!!

[@Sodacatplays]

Your life can still be what you imagined even though you have autism. And you can learn to work through your struggles and challenges and find calm down tools. My brother has autism but he was diagnosed at a young age but you can learn the things he learned now. And I have a feeling you’re gonna do something amazing with your life even though that sounds corny.

[@eminemilyy]

I didn’t know I had AuDHD until last year at the age of 30. I’m also hypermobile and I suspect I have POTS. My son is diagnosed with AuDHD, too. My daughter is diagnosed with ADHD and is waiting to be evaluated for ASD. I can totally see you had good intentions with your comment! But speaking from my lived experience, being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world has negatively impacted my quality of life in drastic ways. I am still currently grieving the loss of the life I thought I would have. It’s not that I don’t believe I can still have a great life and do great things, I know I can. But I also know that my entire life, past/present/future, would look totally different if I were neurotypical. That can be a hard pill to swallow for some.

[@Sodacatplays]

@@eminemilyy I have dyslexia and SPD and I believe I may have autism and yes it’s difficult living in a world built around neurotypical people. But I don’t think my life is ruined because I have dyslexia and I don’t think having that mentally is gonna get you anywhere in life.

[@Sana-rm6zx]

I totally understand!!!... same ❤

[@thetonytaye]

Heyo this is super cool I’m commenting on your first official YT vid!!

[@rebecamorais6932]

I really enjoy ur content

[@spice_kitten]

9:51 those whooshing noises are SO RELATABLE and FUN ✨

[@SuperHappyNotMerry]

I really understand that process of grieving the life you thought you'd have. growing up I was quite poor and I was sure that if I just did school right and chose a high paying career I could get out of poverty and live a comfortable life. queue going off to college and being alone for the first time in my life and being completely unable to manage it. crashed and burned into a seven month long episode of burnout (I didn't know that's what it was at the time). then I picked myself back up, sure I could just do school and life if I just organized myself and worked hard enough. queue more burnout. during all of this I was coming to terms with the fact that I was autistic and only now am I confident enough to self diagnose. now that I know I'm autistic I'm realizing that those ideas I had of being the family member who "made it" and living a comfortable, independent life aren't achievable for me. I can't work. my hardest is seen as lazy by everyone around me. as I approach my 30s I genuinely worry for my future if my family finally gets sick of me and stops supporting me financially. it's hard to come to terms with all of this, especially when the people around me won't accept my self diagnosis as valid. I hold out hope that by some miracle I can make some sort of life for myself. edit: also, I feel the same about makeup lol I love looking pretty but I couldn't wear a full face of makeup all day long. even light makeup is too much for me unless it's for a couple hours. especially mascara!

[@rebecamorais6932]

First video yayyyy

[@Ellie.IsSmart]

I feel you I just got diagnosed a couple of months ago I am 20 year old college student. I was crocheting while watching g this video

[@eliad6543]

(largely writing this to process stuff myself, feel free to ignore this is more for me) I'm 19 and got diagnosed at 17, was in a gifted kids class, tryharded school, etc. Elementary school was a disaster and IMO shaped a lot of who I am now. I had the best grades but constantly got into "situations" with other kids, teachers and my parents that left me crying (or holding back a lot of tears), feeling like I'm alone against the world and have only myself as a point of reference. I was told I'm a "good kid" (because I did really well academically) but have to work on self-control and being respectful, so I bought into it and wanted so badly for the "situations" to stop. They didn't and moving to the gifted kids class in middle school pretty much stopped me from god-knows-what, but all throughout The Not So Nice Time I never really lost faith in being a good kid? Yes, it certainly felt that the "situations" were just happening to me, outside of my control, but I never admitted that to myself and kept trying - with decent success to be fair. So what I don't understand (not as a criticism thing, just noting differences) is the certainty you seem to have about not being able to run the "I'm normal and gotta succeed" race anymore. Sort of not being willing to pay the burnout price (not saying you should or shouldn't because I guess how that can come off. Again, trying to note differences). I've experienced what probably qualifies as autistic burnout, it sucks, but a large part of me doesn't grieve the undiagnosed dramatic kid who did really well considering, but sees him as a kind of hero to embody. I want to be able to do both. To let myself have fun in the way I know most people don't and to allow myself that, and to be able to put on the very determined mask like flicking a light switch and enjoy the feeling of living up to more neurotypical expectations I have of myself. I think ultimately the diagnosis did change a lot - if that makes any sense, it's like instead of being that undiagnosed kid I'm now just willing and able to channel his energy (while you, as I understood, feel like you can't be at all like that kid anymore, want it or not), while also sometimes "giving in" to all the self-care oriented thoughts and letting the mask air out some. I don't like it when it gets sticky, but I also can't help but feel like I'm just learning to switch between two masks instead of learning to take the one off. But I'm complaining with a smile, because if they're both tolerable for enough of the time I wear them for.. I'd say that's a workable setup. I'll obviously keep searching for a better one, because that's all the tryhardy undiagnosed kid can do, but.. if I can manage this, this works too. And while I recognize that this might only be workable for me in my situation, I'll say I wish you too find a way to have the unmasking and the success-chasing coexist as two things you can be almost at will (though not simultaneously), instead of relying on the former for comfort and feeling like you can't have the latter anymore, for better or worse. Your shorts are outstandingly relatable and I'm even considering showing them to my mom, which says a lot in my case.

[@katzenbekloppt2412]

Congratulations 🎉🎉🎉 I did hope I was the 100000st person subscribing for a moment 😂. Saw some of your videos commentet by Dr.Kojo and friday (?) YT offered me a short of You. Watched them all and subscibed, also I am 47 and You are the age of my son. But we have a lot of similarities. I am diagnosed with ADHD over 30 and now (!) am waiting for my official autism diagnose. I feel You so badly, Morgan! Wish You all the best😊

[@atc35012]

Please do more vlogs. 😊

[@sinamoroll]

Dear Morgan, I'm not autistic, but I feel you. After a devastating burnout, all the plans I imagined for myself started crumbling. I was so overwhelmed and numbed by pain that all I could do was eat, shower, sleep. Over time, thanks to lots of therapy and self work, I found the strength to go back into the world, with the new knowledge of how fragile, scared, maybe even off-putting I am. But that's fine because, although the world is a hard place to live in, we can find our ways of adjusting by choosing a better life for us. Our past habits may change, but that's be for the better. It's boring like you said, and it might take you some time to adjust to your new lifestyle. But that's what's healthier for you now. Don't forget how much pain you went through in the past as an undiagnosed autistic. I'm sure you're grieving your past "self-imposed identity", but you're finally able to express your real thoughts. It's fine to be scared, but how relieved will you be once you find out how much self-reliance can be built over time. ❤

[@reneedittmer9625]

Im 14 years old and got diagnosed around last year during the school year in October(when I was in 7th grade, Middle school). It didn't depress me or anything, Im kind of glad that now I know why I am so different. But it makes it so hard to fit in and to deal with situations. Like, I get overwhelmed so easily and Im also very sensitive to anything. Loud noises and bright lights especially overwhelm me, it overwhelms me so bad that I end up crying. Im not super hard on myself, but when I am hard on myself its when Im taking something negatively and acting like a baby. Like, once we went to go apple picking with my family and it was like really really hot even though it was close to autumn. And I don't do well with heat it makes me very angry. But I was really upset at myself for not having a good time like everyone else and letting my discomfort get to me. Having autism also affects how I understand certain things and how I view certain things. And it also affects my social life and having friends. Currently I don't have any friends and well, Im an only child who is home alone almost 24/7 because my messed up father is in jail who's also autistic and my mom works nightshifts. I don't mind being alone, but I do believe if I had at least 1 close friend that I was around a lot I would feel a lot better and less isolated. It's weird, it's like I want to get out more and I want to make friends but at the same time it feels like as if the loneliness and the isolation is my home. But my autism isn't a huge thing thats a problem in my life, I think me having an autoimmune disorder is the thing I could and should worry about the most. I just hope that at least my future is successful.

[@martianpudding9522]

I have really mixed feelings because on one hand it's a relief to know that I don't actually have to just bear with all the struggles I was having. I was really unhappy and struggling at work and I believed that that was what work was like for everyone and we still had to do it and life was just unfair like that. I'm really happy to know that I don't have to accept feeling that way, and it's also very nice to know most other people don't feel that way all the time because that means the world is actually a lot nicer than I thought it was. But on the other hand it does suck to know that those things were actually easy for other people and there's this whole experience that exists of enjoying work and social stuff etc almost effortlessly that most people get to have that I don't. I have often explained to people before that when I was diagnosed the biggest thing I learned wasn't that I was autistic, but the fact that most people are neurotypical. I'm tempted to get jealous and bitter sometimes thinking "wow it must be nice to just be able to do things", or like most people have just been playing life on easy mode all this time.

[@QUEERVEEART]

im 31 and just got diagnosed with pda autism last year. ive known about the adhd for some years, but only learned how much it really affects me in the past 3 years. and with autism, the more i learn the more everything just makes so much sense gosh… in college i did so so much it was insane. i pushed myself and did everything because i thought if i got through that then my life would be great. looking back i realize how much i was masking through middle and high school and college. when i graduated and moved to the city i had a horrible job and i was depressed and i decided to just leave because i was like life is horrible and i somehow thought it would be all better after college if i just made it through and did all the things so that i would keep doing all the things. but really i was just exhausted and then everything was terrible and i was like bye but then i was hospitalized in 2016 and on s watch for almost two years and im in a way diff place now but progress certainly isnt linear. depression, anxiety, childhood trauma, dermatillomania were known for years, adhd confirmed and autistic confirmed recently. but for a long time i was diagnosed with bipolar then they were like nope its not that its bpd. but no. im autistic ! jeez. wish i had known long ago. i grieved the life i thought i was going to have about 8 years ago, but i didnt even get my diagnosis until last year. gosh. anyways i cant drive and thats my biggest guilt issue thing right now. cause also i need to live in the country (i do rn with my parents). cities are so horrible! i cant do it, both times i did ended very very poorly (first time was when i was hospitalized). but then its like difficult to live in the country and rely on other people for rides esp when im 31 ): so so hard to show self compassion and im trying so hard to work on my driving anxiety but i have panic attacks about it constantly ): gosh

[@NDBookworm]

You've got lowfi girl vibes. Are you me? Im almost 26, got my diagnosis at 23. And in the last few months im learning how to deal with my curly hair. Your hair is goals! I also went through autistic burnout just before getting diagnosed and just now feeling like im out on the other side. Ive been watching your shorts for a while and i really relate to you and feel like youre a friend on the other side of the screen. Thank you for making relateable content.

[@_ella_g_]

Rob and James aren’t the same!! (WhiteWolf8607) Thanks for keeping us updated and I hope abra get better soon! Although I do like seeing Rob and James too!

[@babsbunny_]

Thank you for the video. I was late diagnosed last year at age 39. Just curious, do you enjoy going to the gym or is it more of a chore?

[@user95395]

didn't even need to watch // i feel this so much from the title

[@YearningRaven]

I have autism myself, and i love your videos. 🤍

[@morgaanfoley]

Eeee thank you so much!!🥰

[@audpiggy]

all i do is plan for the future…and i want to be a neurologist. it’s going to burn me out so bad going through 12 more years of school 😭

[@rebecamorais6932]

Ur dogs are so cute

[@samwise-my4gq]

Try enjoy the peace and quiet that comes with boredom, there is a reason yogis who sit meditating all day are the happiest people. Being able to enjoy the present moment in its glorious simplicity is the key the lasting peace and happiness not going out and doing this and that entertainment.

[@dangfd551]

All happiness is momentary, no matter where it arises from. Like a flower blooms then wilts. Theres value in cultivating a balance amidst tension. Being present with both joy and sadness, boredom and excitement.. It’s tempting to get caught up in one but forget the other!

[@kitkatKatietheoriginal]

YAY YOU POSTED A VIDEO INSTEAD OF A SHORT!

[@morgaanfoley]

Hahaha yes! Lots more long form content to come☺️

[@kitkatKatietheoriginal]

@@morgaanfoley YAAAY