Real Time with Bill Maher: New Rule - Better Ted Than Dead (HBO)

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In his editorial New Rule, Bill Maher confronts the unfortunate dilemma of choosing either Donald Trump or Ted Cruz as the Republican presidential nominee. Original air date: March 25, 2016.
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[@eameece]

That bleach scene was oddly prophetic. Not to mention the discussion of viruses.

[@pedrobarao4558]

This has to be a simulation

[@ladyvincenza]

Watching in 2021. You beat me to it, dude:)

[@ixlnxs]

6:25 He actually said it wrong. He said 'better dead than Ted" lol

[@ALVACHY]

yep

[@nibiru2012ification]

+ixlnxs and don't forget muscle-ini..... ;)

[@antonywilliam7680]

+ixlnxs Made it even better! :)

[@tylertyler82]

+ixlnxs C'mon, cut the guy some slack. He works 1 hour a week and is probably exhausted.

[@Mozart1220]

+tylertyler82 You think the show happens by magic? Putting on a show like that is HARD WORK. He just makes it look easy.

[@user-we2ee5xw8e]

This has aged very well. Bill Maher knows what he's talking about.

[@tvanbroekhoven]

It aged even better with the SCOTUS stuff going on

[@Henofmayhem]

@@tvanbroekhoven yeah we’ll never have that hearing on taxing churches if they get rid of a woman’s right of choice.

[@Montrose173]

4 years and 3 months later - safe to say that bill nailed this one.

[@argeshagan7407]

he butchered the punchline...but still hilarious bill.

[@heroicmuffin9972]

+Arges Hagan Big time. such a fail.

[@namwarmaster6918]

Whether or not you agree with Maher politically, you gotta admit this is comedy gold.

[@blackraider777]

+PureEbola only if you are brain-dead

[@verfuncht]

blackraider777 I'm quite late, but would you care to elaborate?

[@franklindelanoroosevelt9404]

He fucked up the line at the end, but I might agree with him.

[@EricaShady10171972]

+Maxwell Apton stoned! LOL!

[@callofthewild9175]

😂 OMG the bleach bit.. I'm dying..

[@leek988]

+Danelle Lewis That was so funny.

[@illfigure9270]

fr tho😂😂

[@immanuela.8738]

Hello from 2020.😂

[@DarkWater4Eva]

Nice fail at the very end lol

[@u4tiwasdead]

After all that he fucked up on the fucking punchline Still better dead than ted is probably more true

[@PeterK1984]

+DarkWater4Eva That's not a fail, that's a Freudian slip

[@greggh]

+julius vidal You can't smoke the amount of pot Maher does and still be 100% on.

[@TheHigherSpace]

+DarkWater4Eva Full show is live give the man a break ...

[@tH_oRdNrY_vnrY]

lmao was wondering if anyone else caught that

[@Shogun1982]

@6:24 I love his Freudian slip here. Bill's brain won't allow his mouth to endorse Ted when he's not concentrating. Love this guy!!!

[@AWWYEAHHHHHH]

I think that was intentional

[@ramzabeoulve9820]

Bill you fucked up at the end

[@TazTalksYouListen]

+Ramza Beoulve ...and all the rest, too.

[@JamieHitt]

Love the Freudian Slip at the end.

[@pacoo3712]

+Jamie Hitt Yup, no matter how hard they try, they can't shake the fact that their spreading lies and propaganda for the establishment.

[@brace110]

+Jamie Hitt Freudian?

[@screamingphoenix8113]

Yeah. Obviously Bill secretly loves Ted Cruz because a made a slip up in speech.

[@Ioganstone]

+Jamie Hitt He called Ted Cruz the worst president, and what's worse than being the last president?

[@cpob2013]

kinda fucked up that last line at the end but yeah great bit

[@nsipnsi1529]

+Connor O'Brien Or his real feelings

[@cpob2013]

***** you know freud was nuts and wrong right? in modern psychology hes pretty much discredited

[@bafflezbiz]

Watching this in 2021, in retrospect, shows how well Bill articulated the danger of Chump. And fortunately those on the fence finally woke up.

[@JnEricsonx]

Not yet. I'll feel better when Trump is having a melty that doesn't involve insurrection come Jan 20th, 2025.

[@bafflezbiz]

@@JnEricsonx too true. Can you imagine what he'll do if he's sneaks back in and feels validated? Believing that he can do anything he wants with impunity? The GOP has been stacking the deck and replacing anyone who isn't on-board with lying and cheating to get him back in. And with the voting law chicanery that's going on, we might be in trouble. *Fingers crossed*

[@JnEricsonx]

@@bafflezbiz At this point, I have more faith in a burger taking Trump out. Or of covid dealing with more of his crazed minions. Because my cynicism meter is fucking BURIED at the moment.

[@toxicangel1121]

he said "Better dead than Ted" not the other way around as the hat reads... XD

[@Renji9031]

+jenifeondass Hey Zabuza, guess you can call me a ninja because that didn't even faze me.

[@emmabennet888]

+joe jones I know i was like wut

[@MartinStaykov]

+joe jones he misspoke

[@MartinStaykov]

John Townsend why is that?

[@toxicangel1121]

+Martin Staykov Yep, Happens to the best of us. I love it when you see it on videos or movies. Its that little moment of magic that you getta point out a famous person fucked up

[@KarstensCreationsKC]

Mussolini and Joe McCarthy...LOL...PERFECT.

[@WeeWeeJumbo]

That suit-tie-kerchief combo is pretty rad, those colors

[@Cellofski]

Hahaha, you messed up your punchline. It's "Better Ted than Dead," not "Better Dead than Ted." I guess in essence they lead to the same conclusion.

[@Shtoops]

I'd take trump over cruz.

[@DNotzz]

Lol, after seeing your channel i understand why. Wow 😄

[@aM8sCA]

Sitting here in Canada watching American politics go down.. It's honestly like a TV show lol

[@ViperRob]

Giant Douche vs. Turd Sandwich

[@25taylorkw]

I agree, that episode of South Park pretty much sums up the Republican party in a nutshell.

[@flushiez]

+Robert Machulla so ted is the turd eh

[@coolidgedollar2154]

+Kenneth Taylor Stone and Parker used that to illustrate general elections, actually. They even said they hate the left more than the right.

[@matkojapan]

+Coolidge Dollar I think the quote was by Stone who said, "I hate conservatives, but I hate Liberals more" They are basically Libertarians.

[@flushiez]

uh libertarians are nothing like liberals ayylmao

[@imisstoronto3121]

CATTY FATTY AND BATTY? LMAO!!!!

[@CandyflossCottonCandy]

Random Fact Guy is here Cheetahs use facial expression to show their mood Goodbye

[@rightben59]

...

[@peacewillhappen]

I always knew I was a cheetah inside.

[@Lobsterwithinternet]

Who was that tall, dark, handsome, masked stranger?? We never got a chance to thank him!

[@spacebacon8387]

sometimes I throw a toothpick into the woods while screaming 'you're free!'

[@Lobsterwithinternet]

+Space Cowboy Blue Me too! Only it's more my latest victims instead of toothpicks and instead of a forest it's the Gotham River!! 😎😇

[@marshallbrooks1]

He said the hat backwards

[@qizheng1049]

Exactly, which is hilarious. Better dead than Ted!

[@jackschmit4696]

+Qi Zheng I think it was a accident, as the whole premise of the bit was Ted > Trump.

[@realityvanguard2052]

+marshall brooks I know its hard to tell if it was on purpose. But if it was I think it was still a mistake haha. Left me like ;s when I should have been all XD

[@mkinjustice8231]

No he didn't he said it right

[@ayushg2271]

6:24 Better Dead than Ted. Cant stand ted even after all the points against Trump lol. nice satire Bill.

[@Hfajardo97]

+Ayush g He messed up the lines

[@Ioganstone]

+Hfajardo97 Naw

[@armyinfantry11b]

Why can't you stand ted cruz?

[@ayushg2271]

+Hfajardo97 lol, works either way tbh.

[@010dx010]

"He said better dead than ted."

[@LaughingFunnyGroup]

Thought I was the only one that noticed 😂😂

[@philipatha]

+Jay N Foreshadowing

[@cervacior5843]

+Jay N That ruined it

[@colinsilver1041]

Actually he said, "Better dead than Ted."

[@thrashish]

+Josh “BananaBaller” Lagarde there are more than seven billion of us. youre not the only one to do anything.

[@MrSinister718]

Literally said better Dead than Ted. Only thing right he said.

[@DarkWhisper07]

+MrSinister718 that was cringey

[@CometCowboy01]

anybody pick up on him saying the phrase wrong he said "better dead than Ted" lololololol

[@comunistubula4424]

+Brian Brennan Yeah,it was crystal clear.

[@vm6817]

At the end Bill unintentionally said what he actually wanted to say!

[@JonKrueger]

6:25 "Better dead than Ted." He said one thing and the hat says another. That was a great Freudian slip! =D

[@passiveagressive4983]

2020: oh how we laughed then........

[@flatplant]

Better dead than Ted is right Bill

[@bail9418]

+Uncle Ben Secret code for Trump is who he is really for ;) He said Trump would make a hit list & he likes to go out side... RIGHT Then said "Better Dead Then Ted"

[@lacombar]

he's right... better dead that ted.

[@boggisthecat]

I wonder if the US military have already figured out the accident that would cut Trump's occupancy short. It may seem like a long-shot that Trump could get in, but then if his competition ends up being Hillary Clinton...

[@AlexeiRamotar]

I think he got that last part mixed up. Why say "better dead than Ted". Shouldn't it be "Better Ted than Dead"?

[@akhilpb9196]

+lacombar Did he deliberately say it? or was a mix up

[@ShamrockNRoller]

+AKHIL P B Pretty sure it was an accident.

[@konstantpapas1583]

+IKeepBadCompany Or his subconscious that couldn't in anyway support Cruz, not even for fun's sake!

[@kuznea9647]

"Better dead than Ted"? hahaha fail

[@oshawottstarter2675]

Did he really mess it up though?

[@TheDriftingsmoke]

+ZEF u r 2

[@linusfotograf]

+Oshawottstarter Read the hat.

[@kuznea9647]

+kuznea96 He's going to lose so many potential buyers because of that mistake haha

[@jonmapa9418]

I am proud to support Donald J. Trump in 2016. #Trump2016 #Buildthewall #Noamnesty

[@kyleisbuck1999]

KASICH!!!!!!!!!

[@ededos478]

Wow, I've never seen anyone so exited about an old lady.

[@kyleisbuck1999]

What?

[@ededos478]

+kyle morris All I'm saying is that you could put a bonnet on Kasich, and nobody would think it doesn't suit him.

[@C0SM0.SMALLS]

Oh my god, the innocence.

[@classactionsteve]

+kyle morris kasich is a transparent hack

[@Zimionz]

Trump doesn't believe in half of what he says. Cruz doesn't say half of what he means. I find Cruz much scarier than Trump.

[@sunny_disposition]

+Ziim So on point. Cruz is way more politically savvy, way more conservative, way more religious. Maher is totally wrong. Anyone who prefers Cruz over Trump is just reacting emotionally.

[@pcbacklash_3261]

+Ziim You absolutely nailed it! Not only is Trump a blowhard who doesn't believe much of what he says, he's actually taken a moderate position on a number of issues. Yes, Trump's arguably the biggest narcissist on the planet, but religious freak Cruz is so bat-shit right-wing crazy he makes Ronald Reagan look like a Pinko!

[@bajan503]

They both scary Cruz looks like a mortician for fks sakes makes my skin crawl the Donald is a loud mouth Buffoon whose the best at everything possible only one choice in this election gotta b Hillary for all her baggage

[@vihaze6725]

Well this comment didn't age well, did it?

[@comoyoko]

"Better Dead than Ted!" says Bill. BUT his cap reads; "BETTER TED THAN DEAD". I think you messed up there Bill. Love the show

[@IMDRanged]

+James McGee I think that was real bleach that effected his bit.

[@lazylion420]

yeah yeah, Bill got going a little too fast and said it wrong. but it actually works both ways.

[@KELLSONIC]

I still like Ron Paul!

[@spliter200]

+KELLSONIC idiot

[@adankseasonads935]

agreed

[@tinospiker1274]

John Kasich pulling this out at the convention is the result I wanna see.

[@KELLSONIC]

The Jay *You're

[@jackcole1014]

+The Jay Hillary is the pillar of political corruption, left that part out.

[@josephtedros2089]

Bernie2016

[@MyBlackdiamond21]

feel the burn

[@theonetosaveyou]

+Joseph Tedros comments on youtube videos don't count as voting.

[@thomaswolniewicz4332]

+Joseph Tedros Bernie? ButtHurt much? give me a break. Clinton vs. Trump in November and Clinton wins. ( and I'm a Trump supporter) It shows you how fucking depressed I am.

[@y.g.theyear7254]

Yes! feel the Bern, baby!

[@lauralishes1]

*Bernie 2020*

[@archer1949]

Nah.....Cruz is much, much worse.

[@prettydopebeats2322]

"Hair trigger wounded ego of a male flight attendant" I'm done xD

[@countmein33]

And, once again, Bill, you were completely right.

[@lukassnakeman]

damn, tripped at the very end. teleprompter guys getting fired

[@jossylopes]

Bill always keeps it real

[@dixiecronin7791]

Hahaha his real feelings come out at the very end

[@TheGamingVillas]

I'd rather Cruz as president than Trump, but hopefully neither of them get to.

[@benjaminpeterson6470]

one or the other pick your poison

[@callofthewild9175]

At this point, we are just picking the guy who will lose to the Democrats 😉 #feelthebern

[@ArnoModelstate]

It better be the right Democrat then course I've never been this scared of an election that's not even mine to vote on O.o

[@christianalmli9085]

+TheGamingVillas fuck no. That guy is a religious maniac. Trump's probably not even religious.

[@DarthVaderOfficial]

Lol this thread is funny

[@ragazziita]

I would choose Trump over Cruz because I do not want to live in a theocracy.

[@jazzx251]

+ragazziita You would live in a Lunocracy then. (Government run by lunatics)

[@ragazziita]

XtaticApollo I don’t know what the fuck makes you think I’m a "Trumpet." I do believe Trump is a dangerous idiot, but Cruz is a religious, dangerous idiot, which is a lot worse.

[@jama8262]

+ragazziita but in Fox News debate Trumpvf said, the minimum wage is "Too Hight" and he adores supreme leader of North Korea. Sorry but I would rather live in theocracy than being homeless eating rats.

[@TheYasmineFlower]

+ragazziita You would not have to live in a theorcracy because you still have a constitution that says "separation of church and state" and therefore something to fight with. Because, you can fight Cruz. And Cruz couldn't do everything on his own, either. But try fighting Trump. Just try that. It won't work, he'll probably have you killed or tortured or put into a solarium, but just try fighting a guy of which you have no idea what he wants or would advocate for. Better the devil you know.

[@jama8262]

And would you accept Ben Carson and crazy Sarah Palin to be under President administration of Trump? At least with Cruz, is only one guy who take office but with Trumo, craziests will run office and your lives.

[@emlynlewis2830]

"hair triggered wounded ego of a male flight attendant", hahaha that's hilarious.

[@haystak1]

that bleach gag was perfect

[@HangOn2seconds]

BETTER DEAD THEN TED? Nice confession.

[@ender003]

+HangOn2seconds than* It's on the damn hat.

[@HangOn2seconds]

The Ender READ IT AGAIN

[@HangOn2seconds]

The Ender AND LISTEN TO WHAT HE SAYS AT THE END

[@ender003]

HangOn2seconds His hat says the correct "than".

[@Futuretense101]

When he brought out the bleach bottle, I lost it LOL!!

[@ColoredStripes]

He said the last part wrong

[@elmerfuddgantry8946]

+Buk Lau Yeah, I noticed that too.

[@JingLiSH]

+Buk Lau Freudian slip.

[@lauralishes1]

Or did he...

[@Abraxas1177]

Bill, you got me! 1:26 I almost choked there!

[@MakeMeThinkAgain]

I disagree. Cruz scares me more than Trump. Most politicians are crazy.

[@Zigthrill]

Cruz is smarter and way more evil than Trump.Personally,I would choose Trump over Hillary any day of the week.

[@luckywaddles]

+Ancient Veritas why?

[@Zigthrill]

Because at least the establishment will still be in chaos.And if we survive 4 years of Trump,the entire country would shift to the left.

[@Zigthrill]

Cruz is still an insider.He's just hated by most Republican politicians.

[@luckywaddles]

Ancient Veritas You know ...I was wanting to disagree with you and call you crazy ...but if we did survive Trump I can only imagine the country practically RUNNING to the left. But the "if we survive" part kinda scares me.

[@davidanderson9524]

I died when he started chugging the bleach

[@princewilliams4040]

I love john Oliver

[@Ioganstone]

+Prince williams He disagrees with Bill on Islamic terrorism all the way lol.

[@princewilliams4040]

+Ioganstone all I said was I like him calm down, I find him, bill maher, and john Colbert very intelligent and entertaining

[@princewilliams4040]

+Ioganstone *Stephen

[@jackmackeral1]

+Prince williams Every fucking episode of Last week tonight is centered around making a mockery of Americans. And this is what you love?

[@Extrafreshmint]

Freudian slip at the end?

[@christopherbabick2099]

This is one of Maher's best!!! Laughed MAO!!!!! Damn! A must view.

[@lee48lee68]

Bill Maher doesn't disappoint!

[@valgehiir]

Funniest new rules in some time! But I still think Cruz is genuinely crazy, while Trump only pretends to be.

[@unevilGenius]

how about now?

[@MrOrstone]

@@unevilGenius hahaha. I was about to ask the same before a read your comment.

[@hacm1925]

I wanted the election to be Rand Paul vs Bernie sanders but now it's looking like trump vs Hillary

[@bloodandwinearered]

The line about the male flight attendant was too funny.

[@829197177]

this is the best new rules ever I could not stop laughing.

[@Ion_Antonescu]

Aww he messed up his punchline..

[@jabronis33]

I'm a Bernie guy and if Dems screw him over, I'll burn it down and vote Trump

[@nobodybutme2]

+Kevin K.. Oh that's wise.. you 're a real .....

[@RogzielTheAntistar]

THAT was CLASSIC.

[@UTU49]

"Better Off Ted" That was a sitcom. Ha!

[@novazee]

He fucked up the punchline. lol

[@JohannesWiberg]

+novazee Yeah that was kinda weird... probably all the bleach he drank.

[@preest_nz]

Way to fuck up your own joke at the end there!

[@JohnDoe-et8th]

LOVE the Freudian slip at the end.

[@thecodgamer57]

You said it perfectly bill.

[@succawut]

The difference between Donald Trump and Ted Cruz is that Ted Cruz isn't funny and he actually believes what he says.

[@sawtooth808]

picking between Donald Trump, and Ted Cruz is like choosing between Arsenic and Cyanide

[@rcradiator]

lol nice Freudian slip at the end

[@cram6916]

Lol you got the closer backwards you said Better Dead Than Ted.

[@TklistNet1]

Bill said it wrong.

[@mkinjustice8231]

+TKList no he said it right

[@trajan74]

Bill, you do realize that Ted is a rapture-ready and thinks he's the Savior right? At least that's how his father raised him.

[@keivnskyfighter11]

I would compare Donald Trump to Kim Jong-Un but that would be an insult to Kim

[@roysinai4175]

that freudian slip at the end is the clincher

[@cubanochico1able]

As a republican, I'm mad by this clip but it's so freakin funny lol...

[@JulianB123]

+Brian Bahadur Notice how there's no good conservative comedians, but tons of good liberal comedians. What would they joke about how poor people need to use boot straps, how there's something wrong with black culture, or make jokes at people who want to have affordable healthcare, college, or care about the planet.

[@colman3411]

Suicide and Canada.....Genius

[@Ersatzification]

+Chanandler Bong Canada is lovely. And their new prime minister used to be a snowboarding instructor, so... To the north!

[@Farmergallo]

4 years..time flies

[@criipier]

Great segment

[@ManiaMac1613]

Ted Cruz is a horde of spiders stuffed into a skin suit that's somehow capable of imitating human speech.

[@JK_2998]

He's an action man figure left on the radiator too long

[@oontgrad]

And Trump is a family of rabid badgers wrapped in sentient plastic.

[@JK_2998]

oontgrad Wrapped in a bag of cheetos

[@JohnTheYetiBeast]

so did you notice at the end when he says, "better dead than ted". Does he mean that he really endorses Trump over Cruz?

[@leonardkatz1325]

+Johnny Bash I love that it was his closing line. Such a fuck up. Deserves to be a vine

[@Ioganstone]

+Leonard Katz I thought it was smart after all he said Ted was the worst president.

[@armyinfantry11b]

better ted than dead

[@JohnTheYetiBeast]

Ioganstone How is it smart? He says that Trump is better than being dead, and then he finishes by saying better dead than Ted. That indicates he prefers Trump over Cruz, do you still think it's smart?

[@Ioganstone]

Johnny Bash The reality is Trump is less religious, Cruz campaign manager would ban hoomosexuality, better healthcare, no one would be left on the street to die, better fiscals, he would tax hedgefunds, more anti corporation than Cruz, who takes millions (25) in oil donations. Cruz shut down the govt and used pseudo threats to kick Carson out of the race. Trump is better than Mitt.

[@ianthesage-music]

Hilarious as always!

[@abhishes]

Catty, Fatty and Batty.... Oh... my god... that cracked me up so hard....

[@PainMonkey]

You know what, Republicans? You really want to know who your best option is? well.....they're on the other side :)

[@VTRDC27]

Or you could just vote for Bernie, who has a viable chance of taking the nomination over the next month or so.

[@zebedeeshekelstein2754]

+Rump Buffalo that would be impressive since the convention is several months away.

[@bkdmode]

Really? I did not realize that Bernie was running in the Republican primary.

[@ytubeanon]

+Brian C Really? I did not realize you were in the Republican party and had to vote Republican.

[@doloresdebeauvoir4960]

Wow I think the resemblance between Ted Cruz and Joe McCarthy is uncanny...

[@erez87xp]

Also did he say better dead than ted in the end instead of what it says on the hat? lol

[@stoneslevi5841]

Sanders still has a chance

[@cpob2013]

+Stones Levi slim but yeah. he really should be president, but im worried the stress would kill him. at least he will still be in congress

[@DaffyDaffyDaffy33322]

+Stones Levi True, and don't let people who aren't paying close attention discourage that either.

[@kc4ril]

Yeah he ruined his own line at the end, didn't match with the hat!!!

[@mattmun12]

4:40 was fucking glorious, holy shit I rewatched that so many times. Would have been even funnier if he said "I choose... BLEACH!" and gulped it all down.

[@adanmartinez8709]

he messed up at the end he almost had it Lol

[@bearach5163]

Ted is the zodiac killer.

[@jackmackeral1]

+Bearach Minter He killed the zodiac?

[@beverlydaniels-reeves729]

That is so lame... zodiac killer? who are you? Lucifer???

[@sstan1337]

Ha Ha, bill fucked up his own punchline.

[@Sean-ll5cm]

+Thenever I don't know how he doesn't fuck up more often.. my speech turns to a jumbled mess when I have to talk in front of large crowds.

[@sstan1337]

Yeah It´s called practice and experience. He´s a comedian..

[@Sean-ll5cm]

Thenever No fucking shit

[@JacobSnell1998]

Perhaps the best aged New Rule he has ever done.

[@rockarollerify]

"Lindsey Graham said that Ted Cruz makes his skin crawl:.