Rejected: The cure for feeling 'worthless' ​

Are you seeking approval from the one who rejected you? Tying your self-worth to someone who never saw your value is a self-defeating loop of obsession.
Robert writes, “Hello Susan, I have been trying to get over a girl for two years now. I am friends with this girl and maybe that's holding me back. But the thing I wanted to ask you about is the feeling of worthlessness. Everything she does, and everything she doesn't do, reminds me of how little I mean to her. I would hate to cut off the contact. How do I stop seeing everything as evidence of my worthlessness?”
---
Work with me: susanwinter.net/consultation/
The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
And what's your countermove?
Not to worry. I’ve got you covered: susanwinter.retrieve.com/stor...
The Older Women | Younger Men Dating Guide:
Dating a younger man and wondering if it will last?
Attracted to an older woman and not sure how to make your move?
Answers to all your age gap questions: susanwinter.retrieve.com/stor...
Rough breakup?
Check out: Breakup Triage; The Cure for Heartache
Audible: www.audible.com/pd/Self-Develo...
Amazon: www.amazon.com/Breakup-Triage...
Wondering how to benefit from life's challenges?
Allowing Magnificence; Living the Expanded Version of Your Life
www.amazon.com/dp/1479176087?...

[@SusanWinter]

Work with Me: susanwinter.net/consultation/

[@MikeyP1983]

Being rejected after being chased is the worst!

[@face2799]

typically done by covert narcissists

[@HandmadeItalianLeather]

I 👏 made 👏 an 👏 EXCEPTION 👏 for 👏 him!!

[@hushpuppies872]

Oh yeah. Been there. I know it's the worst when they were the one to pursue you and suddenly lost interest when you have become emotionally involved. It is sick.

[@MikeyP1983]

@@hushpuppies872 indeed it is sick, it really does a number on your self esteem and leaves you thinking back to everything you said and did and didnt say and do. I know it does me at least.

[@samie399]

So true

[@annarain8716]

"We don't indulge in self abuse" thank you, Susan. I needed to hear this today.

[@SusanWinter]

Glad to help!

[@pamelamls]

I love the advice. Walk away from people that don't make us feel good about ourselves and who don't care about us. Instead of waiting for that person to change or to choose us it's best to just walk away.

[@CocoSpuzzillo]

whoever rejected Sue Winters lost out

[@modelsword0012]

I fell in love with a guy. We flirted, there was a lot of chemistry and it was fun. Then I said it. I told him I loved him. He literally ran away. So far away. He found a girl within a year and married her. I know he moved on. I want to do the same. I still felt he felt the same way in his heart. But he has done everything possible to make sure we will never be together now. And I know I can't go back. But here I am, still in love with him and I dream about him all the time.

[@coralquirino6524]

I needed to hear this. I was rejected recently and I really wanted to at least be friends with this person but my friend told me not to do that. I miss hanging out with this person as a friend but in the end I know it is better for my mental health that we are not friends.

[@gdaymates431]

I had to cut a female friend out recently for this exact reason. I was so attracted to her. She breadcrumbed me, led me on, kissed me but didn't want anything else. It took me 6 months to realise I was being played. Since cutting contact and stopping all thoughts her, my anxiety has almost stopped. Please love yourself more than this person who doesn't value you! You can't be friends with people like this.

[@mikyl-fo8rh]

At least she kissed you

[@gdaymates431]

@@mikyl-fo8rh I wish I never met her. I don't think I've ever said that about anyone before. But truly, it was an awful time. The day I cut her out, I stopped biting my nails! Mind you, I'm currently studying for my end of year med school exams. She stressed me out more, lol.

[@mikyl-fo8rh]

@@gdaymates431 ty! I was smitten with her and didn't receive any signs or encouragement apart from her wanting to spend time with me 😑

[@thewanderer2041]

My dismissive avoidant wife of 8 years just left me and took away my dog. I never felt so alone in the final 12 months. The only reason I stayed for so long was because I didn’t value myself. I already feel better being by myself without having to seek her approval for any form of connection or intimacy.

[@ritadoran5039]

Yes Susan I agree walk away from people that don't value you or see your worth even if this is family

[@SusanWinter]

❤

[@turner2952]

Someone once said that "rejection is protection". That is so true! It is better to be alone than in an abusive relationship. Years ago, when I found out my husband of 10 years had been lying and cheating on me, I didn't think twice about getting a divorce. I was out of there. We have to find our own peace within ourselves. We should never be making others happy at our expense. More great advice, Ms. Susan! Thank you so much.

[@SusanWinter]

Im happy to hear that you removed yourself from a toxic environment right away! That can be a very challenging thing to do.

[@melaniecastillo9786]

Exactly what I needed to hear today. I feel like im being breadcrumb. Its not acceptable. Time to move on to someone that can commit

[@RayMilland-tf2we]

How can you value yourself if no one else does ! I've been rejected by women all my life. I'm now 75. Rejection saps confidence, induces resentment, jealousy, bitterness, low self esteem - and loneliness. It affects every aspect of one's life including working life - as it did in my case. I feel worthless. For me it's been the worst thing in my life - and I've had cancer! I dont believe that there are any "cures" for rejection - you just have to live with it - as i have !

[@teripersson1308]

Love this ❤ I told someone I loved them (and not for the first time) and they couldnt reciprocate so I got out. Went no contact for my own sanity. I say to myself 'I bet Susan would be proud of me' 😀

[@SusanWinter]

Teri.. I'm proud of you!!!!!

[@teripersson1308]

@@SusanWinter 😗

[@nickadams1519]

@@teripersson1308Sending Love ❤️…Are you single?

[@sherriflemming3218]

@@teripersson1308 Choose you! Well done. 👍

[@teripersson1308]

@@sherriflemming3218 ❤️

[@daryll9049]

I need Susan! That's what I thought today. I got annihilated girl... totally obliterated, I would be a lot sadder today if it were not for you. Love is blinding but you shone a light into my darkness, I had lost my way in the friend zone. I agonised over this decision for 9 months, I just could not break the loop. Then lo and behold the decision was taken out of my hands... after 7 years 9 months he blocked me! I can see now, it's for the best. I can see now, I'll start to get better. I can see now, not to look back, don't look back. Thank you. I have subscribed to you and watched every single video and this was the best one for me at exactly the right moment. I love ❤ your work. I must have watched this video at least 8 times and will again. Luv to all who read and like my message to Susan today. From Sydney, Australia.

[@SusanWinter]

thank you!!!

[@jannybanany1]

Thank you sooo much for this. I've been trying to get over someone who has continued to lead me on yet continued to reject me. I've never been more infatuated with anyone. This helps me so much to see things in a different light. Very hard to get over someone, but your videos are the main thing that help me through all these heartbreaking struggles.

[@SusanWinter]

You deserve to feel appreciate, loved and not have to question your worth!

[@badassbenny1010]

I like how you're direct. I understand.

[@SusanWinter]

❤❤❤

[@roberttruman8444]

For such a short video this felt like one of your most important and impactful messages. I want to stop seeing my recent breakup as 'rejection', especially since all my friends believed that it should have been me rejecting her. I never felt supported and she didn't offer certainty over our future. She was hot and cold and could disappear for a few months at a time and then return to intense intimacy like nothing had happened. She dangled the carrot for years, and yet she said at the end that she had been worried that I would become totally dependent on her like her ex, which was rich given the situation I found myself in.

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you robert!!

[@roberttruman8444]

@@SusanWinter You're welcome Susan. I'm having to invoke my inner Columbo to figure this one out. You're videos are certainly helping me join the dots. Cheers

[@SusanWinter]

Robert, she has a pattern of creating this in her partners. It's control and manipulation. Sounds like she seeks out really nice men that she can dominate and keep it bay. She has a very unhealthy avoidant style of involvement. There is no "better case scenario" with this type of personality disorder

[@teripersson1308]

​@roberttruman8444 Sounds similar to my situation. I've spent many a moment trying to figure them out, but it's pointless in the end if you're dealing with an avoidant/player/Narcissist- they will not change unless *they* want to. Best to focus on ourselves and heal

[@roberttruman8444]

@@teripersson1308 I was completely unaware of attachment styles and cluster B personalities, but after suffering a breakdown a couple of years ago I began spotting patterns in her behaviour and researching the type. This changed everything. It was lockdown and I had access to channels like this. I began studying various areas of psychology and quickly made some personal discoveries about myself and my family and realised some unhealthy traits and that I had a narcissistic mother. I'm as fascinated by her complex nature as I am furious. But I've reached the point where I'm ready to stop trying to work her out. Part of the reason for her recent slow fade was that I was starting to work her out and explain her nuances and identify her deactivating strategies. I've known her since she was young and had experience to draw on. She didn't like people knowing much about her and tried to maintain a distance while I'd be trying to increase connection.

[@nicolejaja270]

Susan, thank you so much. I have something inside of me that makes me want to prove my worth to people that makes me feel worthless. Is a loop I’ve been years stuck in and I would love to understand it better (understand myself) in a better way. Maybe you can talk about it in your next vid!. This one has helped me so so much.

[@SusanWinter]

Hi Nicole. Human nature. We all want a good review. Just so you know, most humans are built this way. Just look at all the comments saying the same thing

[@azuresounds937]

Big topic, thank you for covering this.

[@desertrose111]

When you don't define your self worth based on other people's views about you, no one can reject you. Some people don't have same vibration as you, so the universe removed them from your life. When that didn't work, the universe make it look like they "reject" you.

[@nygeriunprence]

What happens if you don’t have the same “vibration” as most people? And what do you even mean by “vibration”?

[@desertrose111]

@@nygeriunprence Same frequency and wavelength, understanding in life and healing level, like the radio frequency

[@nygeriunprence]

@@desertrose111 what happens if you have a really rare one

[@Yumihikoka2]

the addition to making better friends being "make friends with yourself" really hit home. It's easy to forget that being comfortable with yourself is just as important as having great friends

[@kate9653]

I love this

[@xzuajkgka3479]

love you Susan!

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you!

[@hellswindstaff91]

Excellent video! I know the feeling

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks for watching!

[@_jiwi2674]

Thank you for continuously trying to help out people who go through these kinds of pain and remind them of their self-value, I've known your channel for so long already

[@catherinegardener9511]

Thank you Susan❤ you always say what I need to hear❤

[@SusanWinter]

Thank you for watching!!!! Much love to you!

[@geniedoc10]

Omg did I need to hear this today. No coincidence. Thank you!

[@SusanWinter]

You’re very welcome!

[@AndreaHernandez-fq1kt]

Thank you so much! I always try to push away the truth and justify unkind people to keep them in my life. This video was so honest and beautiful ❤️

[@SusanWinter]

❤❤❤ so glad I was able to help!

[@katja8095]

Great topic and stunning looks❣️🫶

[@SusanWinter]

Aww you’re so sweet!

[@NEOMASSO]

Great video 👏

[@SusanWinter]

Thanks so much!

[@Neptuneman07]

Thanks for your practical advice. I just recently let her go completely and felt peace from her. She and I both agree to walk away and have peace separately.

[@SusanWinter]

Excellent closure.

[@Neptuneman07]

Much thanks. Literally, the second we moved on, I met someone more compatible.

[@SusanWinter]

thanks amazing!!! @@Neptuneman07

[@morushdi8076]

Thank you.

[@scorpiochic2]

Love this Susan, simple yet powerful advice,tuck and roll 😂😂thank you!❤

[@SusanWinter]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@nickadams1519]

Sending Love ❤️…@scorpiochic2…Are you single?

[@Tonyarrj268]

Thank you susan. someone that kept my attention for over 3 years did´nt even sang me "happy birthday" last saturday when I turned 50 =(

[@HeathenGranny]

I have been rejected most of my life and I am 23. I am so thankful my dad introduced me to video games at a young age and I fell in in love with Jak and Daxter. So when I get lonely and depressed I always think and tell myself no one can do what Jak can do he can double jump.

[@beachgirl4]

Thank you❤

[@SusanWinter]

You’re welcome!

[@MrVinceMunro]

Depends if the friendship is tue and you only feel worthless because you want more but she doesn't, it's not really her fault and you have to ask if the friendship holds true value to you. Friendships are often uderestimated, like you can swap it out for any other frienddship/person. If she is toxic it's a different thing though.

[@valeriemichaud2335]

Thank u this helped a lot there's someone who's a best friend male but 2 yrs if promising me he would come to me I'm done with it and cutting off a lot of communication because if he wanted me he would come to me already and stop making me feal (Worthless ) 😢exactly

[@HandmadeItalianLeather]

4 years and no one new has even come through for a measly little stupid date!!!

[@muazabdool6047]

The best advice I can give is the following make it hard for you to go back to that person. Make them hate you even if you must lie, it sounds harsh and crude but it will allow you to break free from the loop. I did it, do I like that I did it? However, at least now there can't be contact because that person hates me. Make it hard for yourself to give in to your obsession. Being in love with the idea is not love. It's just an idea.

[@kipdynamite776]

❤❤❤

[@SusanWinter]

❤😊

[@StonyStevenson75]

Posted a long, relevant comment and for some reason it's been shadowbanned. The least YT could do is sort out its algorithms.

[@diane2413]

What happens when some days it feels great and connected and valued but other days it does not feel good. How is it possible to feel valued sometimes? Does that mean I haven't healed from a past relationship and I am just attaching an experience on to a current relationship?

[@SusanWinter]

Have you had a conversation about your needs? If he makes you feel valued at certain moments, make sure you let him know and appreciate it

[@tammy3545]

No one cares about me. I have nothing good to offer in this world. I am not funny or interesting or anything. Just average.

[@shannonace3463]

What if its yr own son amd husband? Thy both make me feel worthless and my son tells me he doesn't respect me. Its awful

[@Ashley-ps8ej]

Nice video. Anyone have advice... I thought manifested my ideal partner. So many specific qualities about them were so amazing in depth and spot on. Things I always wanted in a person all in one. 5 months pass and they turn horrid. Mean negative against me. Awful. We ended..but How let go? My mind is stuck on only thinking about the good and how many good qualities they had instead of how bad they ended up being to have me end it Like susan says..it's the dream not the person. Ok so how make sure the next manifested dream person lasts forever? Doesn't turn on me or flip over time out of nowhere and stop loving me and mean nothing they ever said about marriage and forever and only ever wanting me How give myself hope I can have a new person with all those specific good qualities but also more good in them that would make it last. How let it go if they were my person did everything with and now have no friends . No one to do things with and no source of intimacy or cuddling. When I also dnt wanna settle for anything now that had a person of that idealness .ugh I'm hurt and lost

[@alainsanchez4817]

Hello my biutifull