Relationship OCD (ROCD): Your Guide to Symptoms and Treatment

Relationship OCD (ROCD) is an OCD subtype that involves distressing thoughts and intense doubts about one’s relationships. While it often affects romantic relationships, it’s important to understand that ROCD can also affect non-romantic relationships. In this video, Dr. Patrick McGrath provides an overview of ROCD, some of its common symptoms, and how to find treatment and support if you or a loved one are struggling.
Continue learning about ROCD: www.treatmyocd...
If you or a loved one is struggling with Relationship OCD (ROCD), know there is help. NOCD Therapists specialize in OCD, deeply understand all of its subtypes, and receive specialized training in ERP therapy, the gold-standard treatment for OCD.
Visit learn.nocd.com/YT to learn more about getting matched with an OCD specialist and starting treatment that can help you regain your life from OCD.

[@reneex1464]

I also believe I have ROCD. I feel as though my mind is constantly looking for things to be “wrong” with the person I’m interested in. Once I prove to myself that that particular thing doesn’t bother me…my mind then looks for something else to replace that previous doubt.

[@jisrite]

Same, I constantly try to find something wrong with the person im talking to. And when it proves me right, I would think that they’re not the one for me and all these doubts and what ifs just floods through my head. It’s been a difficult battle. But it seems that I’ve found something about it and realized that i’m not the only one. Now i am aware, now i know. I hope in a month from now im able to doubt less and remember what i learned tonight. thank you to whoever read this through, but even if no one did, i’m glad i let it out.

[@reneex1464]

@@jisrite I totally understand. I’ve looked back on my previous relationships and I’ve realized that I’ve been dealing with this for years. What helps me now is talking to my partner about it. I’m with a man now that will sit with me and talk about whatever is on my mind concerning my OCD in the relationship and I adore him for it. My last issue was me questioning his sexuality. This is one I deal with with every man I date but I had the guts to bring it up and doing so made things so much better. I tell myself “I am safe and I am capable of dealing with whatever presents itself”. I think I often feel I’ll just die if I find out that what I’m thinking is correct…but in reality, I won’t.

[@jisrite]

@@reneex1464 I’m glad to hear that, thank you so much for sharing your story, it helps me out too. Congratulations as well, I hope all is well with your relationship.

[@MsNYCVA]

I thought it was just me. It’s nerve wrecking. I want help yesterday.

[@ALTheFreeMan]

I believe I have ROCD and that’s why I’m in my 40s and never married. No matter how good of a person they may have been, there was always something missing that caused me to believe that she wasn’t “the one”.

[@MAMP]

There's something missing in every relationship. You just have to realize that no matter who you choose there will be something missing. A person's strengths cannot exist without corresponding and opposite weaknesses.

[@TassieJake]

Maybe it's shadow work at play for us. Like the one thing we want to badly, we are afraid deep deep down, too achieve it, because then that's life completed and dusted, nothing left grand to chase....

[@user-lu6yg3vk9z]

There is no one my man. Love is just a chemical your brain releases. It doesn’t exist.

[@madjidtlm7666]

I'm just like you when I saw a girl i start to think what if she would harm me or put me in jail or I see that she's not perfectly beautiful

[@921ster]

Thank you, I have major doubts and those thoughts consume my mind. It honestly terrible. You explained exactly what I experience with OCD rumination. I doubt everything, all I want to do is love my spouse the way they deserve to be loved and have these thoughts diminish. I think it’s going to take a miracle though.

[@SarahLuv10]

I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and been married to my husband (together for 5 years) for 1 and a half years …. And I have been experiencing extreme ROCD …. I am scared of these doubts of me being in love with him and having these fearful thoughts of us getting a divorce. I want to stop with these thoughts and this extreme anxiety and enjoy my pregnancy since this is what I have wanted ever since we got married.

[@aguy559]

I have OCD in other forms and now I wonder if I have this, too. I’m afraid maybe I don’t like the girl I’m dating that much, like maybe I’m in over my head and unhappy in the relationship. Sometimes I have intense feelings for her and sometimes it’s a flat tire. I’m so confused. When I play off the doubts, I feel like I’m faking. I think she senses my doubts and it hurts her which in turn hurts me. I HATE the thought of hurting her. But I can go from feeling wonderful about things to feeling like I’m miserable in the relationship in a matter of minutes sometimes. I also feel like I may not be able to handle the emotional ups and downs of a relationship. I’m hyper-emotional; my feelings fluctuate so quickly.

[@ToneupwithTiffany]

I’ve experienced this before. How are you feeling now?

[@lukemonahan1687]

I struggle with the up and down feelings the most. I can’t help but think it means I’m truly not interested in them. It drives me insane because I end up feeling as if I’m leading them on and that the relationship isn’t genuine.

[@ReshiramMage1992]

I.. I constantly research on Reddit and NOCD… constantly posting bc I am scared how genuine it is…. I have had clarity moments where I didn’t obsess and that showed I genuinely love my partner not thinking about problems flaws issues… I could enjoy my time with him. I obsessed so much I believe I don’t love him… 😢😰

[@akaunderdog4223]

You have to discuss it with an ocd specialist.

[@theantihumanproject1581]

I have the same problem i realy realy love my girlfriend but i begin to have thoughts, if i like her outside and yes i do because if i dont i would not be together with her, but for some reasone i have axious thoughts about my partner, and iam realy afraid of losing him

[@youtubewatcher830]

This is all so confusing, I keep comparing my knew relationships to my past ones. These compulsive thoughts, "i had ROCD about him and i thought that was just anxiety, but i actually ended up falling out with him.... is that the same thing with my new partner?" And it's such just an anxiety train, I never know what to believe in my brain anymore and I hate it so much. But I believe this is what I am experiencing. I just keep invalidating myself, and I'm scared I actually just don't like my partner anymore.

[@lizzy8957]

I here you so much. I deal with this every single day I feel heard from this comment.

[@briannegeier5239]

I feel so understood by this comment also.

[@aguy559]

VERY relatable.

[@zah7430]

heyy is it gone now?

[@madjidtlm7666]

I believe that other people are normal and I'm not

[@ToneupwithTiffany]

Normal is boring anyway. Don’t give up you got this!!

[@madjidtlm7666]

@@ToneupwithTiffany I understand what you say God bless you

[@madjidtlm7666]

Rocd is hard

[@kill3rclown690]

It's the worst. Me and my gf r getting married this year and I'd get so anxious about it but I do want it and when that happened my head would tell me "u don't want her u don't love her" and it'd repeat over and over again. U got to fight it don't give up on ur partner. I never would!

[@hailiesuegonzales5354]

I've been diagnosed with OCD and now I'm doubting my love with my bf when I know I love him. I hate my brain

[@Fluffy3219]

I feel like I’m no longer attracted to and fallen out of love with my partner, even though I still have intimacy with them both physically and mentally, I still care about them, worry for them, our daily life with each other seems like every other days, feels like I’m still in love with them. But in my head, sometimes I feel like I want to breakup, I want to be alone, I want to be free and on my own. I also keep finding every little signs to improve that I am or am not still in love with them. So I have ROCD And my question is. Those thoughts about “I want to be free and on my own” is real, that I truly feel that way and want that way? Or is that ROCD makes me feel that way and it’s not my real thoughts?

[@crystalslade8056]

I’m rly struggling at the moment with horrible anxiety and this is on off them I believe

[@ToneupwithTiffany]

Hey you are not alone ❤. It gets better. How are you feeling now?

[@joejockstar]

you are seen and loved. keep practising 💓

[@ReshiramMage1992]

What happens if you just have the feelings? I don’t get ROCD thoughts anymore…. Does that truly mean I’m not in love with him anymore? There are times I can be loving towards him but most of the time I’m not worried about it… 😞

[@ericlunchables]

The question “does that truly mean I’m not in love with him anymore” in itself is an ROCD thought. Do the same treatment as you would on that thought as any other ROCD thought. Hope y’all r doin well :)

[@Ina-ly7my]

You have rocd😊Dont worry fight for itb

[@benwebb9267]

Love itself is not a feeling. It is a decision and one day, you will wake up and think, "I don't feel like I Love them" but the truth is, Love is a decision and to choose them overand over each day.

[@salvadorros4988]

Omg me ☹️ thoughts are not as bad as before, but I do get the feelings and doubt my love, and doubt if it is ROCD

[@TassieJake]

Buddhism teaches us, practice makes near perfect in time. Kinda like CBT Maybe you just taught yourself too good to avoid the thoughts and just happy in the moment feeling it all

[@nickcoker4293]

I have OCD and it does not just manifest in relationships it manifests in everything I have never understood why we subcategorize the types of OCD when OCD is literally just OCD. Relationships are just one way it can show up. I think when we overly specify OCD we make it more confusing and it’s already misunderstood by society anyways

[@Lzfromda7]

i have harm ocd and rocd it’s definitely 2 different things mate

[@jacquoleene]

I think, from an outside perspective and as someone who loves someone with OCD, it's really helpful to break down the specific subtypes because it helps a lot to understand the different manifestations of it and how deeply it affects every part of your life. I'm here to learn, but these experiences aren't my experiences, so it's hard to understand how much it effects my partner holistically. I have BPD, and we break stuff down by different subtype too. There are "quiet" BPDS and ways that it manifests. All of it is still BPD, but I think it helps people who struggle with it, too.

[@azumarie7]

I don't think I have 'normal' OCD. I'm a bit specific with things and cleanly, sure, but not to a clinical level at all. Meanwhile I've recently broken up with my partner of 2 years who was amazing and I now miss because I kept having these periods of extreme doubt where I could simply not feel anything anymore because I was constantly analyzing how I feel

[@pgfitness93]

Normal questions people ask themselves

[@azumarie7]

How do you therapize this when you've already broken up with the person you wanna be with because of these doubts? How do I work on this on my own?

[@derkollege2723]

I got one question… I dont ask myself „does this feel right ?“… It dont feel right … Is there a difference ?

[@thesyrianrajiaswad2682]

How can I do ERP for my partner focused OCD ..l keep focusing and checking her nose and feeling bad about it? ... because I feel if I meant to look at her nose it would be checking rituals and if I ignore it would be avoidance

[@JoBT42]

Can someone help me understand something. Basically any doubt at all in these ROCD videos are said to be ROCD in one way or the other. So are there any doubts or feelings at all that supposedly aren’t ROCD? If yes, what would they be? Are the only „real“ doubts that are not some sort of ROCD if the other party is abusive or the major values don’t align anymore?

[@guiliapiscitelli279]

I believe they were saying that doubt is a normal, common experience in any relationship. It becomes OCD-like when you take those thoughts to be a sign that you are in the wrong relationship and then you do some sort of compulsion to relieve anxiety. Hope that helps :)

[@garethmorgan3665]

@@guiliapiscitelli279 Hey Guilia, perhaps you don't feel qualified to answer this but I would love some insight. I have been with my girlfriend just over 3 years ( she's Italian by the way. I don't know if this has any relevance but I noticed you have an Italian name! :-)In some ways she's a very anxious person ( I have anxiety as well) and throughout the relationship she's expressed EXACATLY the thoughts, fears and doubts described in the video. I mentioned ROCD to my therapist who kind of dismissed it as not an actual thing. He basically has a different explanation for my girlfriend 's behaviour and advises me to kind of be non reactive and relaxed when this stuff comes up. He tells me that by responding to it I'm perpetuating it. He's also told me I shouldn't suggest therapy to my gf. The thing is, her behaviour is so similar to ROCD I can't ignore it and it just seems like by allowing my gf to express these doubts to me every few weeks I'm just feeding her reassurance seeking which is the worst thing you can do with any kind of OCD, right ?! Do you have any thoughts? I would say her only compulsive behaviour is her constantly telling me about these things even when it is hurtful to me and she has told me some irrational doubts that are totally inappropriate to bring up with me for example she once out of the blue just said ' I sometimes think / I think my friends don't like you...' At the time it didn't bother me too much because I know I get on fine with them but I couldn't belive she thought it was OK to say that to me and in such a casual way. It was like the need to say this was greater than any concern about the effect it would have on me.

[@TassieJake]

Yes... Jealousy, and zealously are two classic examples. And boy, do us humans get jealous. Jealousy is more then just getting upset your partner attention is else where. And ROCD, will pick on the things you adore dearly. ROCD will eat that jealousy and zealously attitudes and grow.

[@sadhanapandey1846]

When you don't obsess over their flaws or know that there is no ruminations, then that's not rocd. Because, if someone doesn't respect you, you don't sit and obsess over it, you either demand respect or walk away. But if you THINK you are not being respected for the entire day, that's Rocd. Hope this helps.