Relationships with Enneagram 5s

[@icthyology]

As an sx 5, I actually value physical touch the most of all the "love languages". It is a fantastic shortcut for me- it feels like a cheat code which lets me bypass the stormy mental work of assessing my emotions. I can simply 'be' with the one I love in a grounded way that defies and transcends the distance between us. It is by far the easiest way I have found to let someone in to share my world.

[@YouveGotaType]

Yup that would make sense!

[@FeliciaFollum]

Yess! When I get depressed I'll have my husband give me 30-60 second hugs once a day. It changes things so much

[@cwrye6185]

Couldn't agree more. Physical touch helps get me out of my head. I can get lost in touching with a silent mind for hours.

[@donnathedead7554]

It's not just the sx5s. My son is sp5 and he's the same way. Hugs or GTFOH. I suppose to anyone outside these close relationships, we just look like robots or porcupine people. Physical touch being the primary love language of 5s is like our dirty little secret or something.

[@mestimac]

Yes, I'd rather touch than talk a lot of the time. Talking and being talked to can be exhausting. But if you don't know me REALLY well, keep your GD hands to yourself.

[@Allthekingshorses2]

“Security means clarity”… you put that so well… whenever i feel anxious about anything, i learn as much about the situation and knowing helps me cope.

[@YouveGotaType]

🙌

[@CoachAhava-0000]

This! Preparation, even if i only have seconds, is much appreciated and information that enhances clarity supports this.

[@relecor]

As a 5w6 sx, when it comes to my partner, my love language preference is nearly tied between physical touch and thoughtful acts of service. Gifts...almost no one gets gifts right, just give me the money if you want to gift me something, or just ask me directly for the specific thing. Then actually get THAT thing, and not something close to it.

[@MatthewEaton]

I find that people think money is cold and impersonal, but they don't see when I throw their gift away five minutes after they give it to me. I have to fight people for no gifts and no celebrations. Just go do something cool... on your own... over in another county... away from us.... haha

[@YouveGotaType]

Love the insight, thanks for sharing!

[@LaurenBradburyFarm]

I don't know how you do it, uncovering so many salient elements of motivation that regardless of the years of introspection I've done, eluded me until you pointed them out. My ability to grow in meaningful ways has been directly impacted by all of your thoughtful work.

[@YouveGotaType]

Wow thank you for this wonderful comment! It's been a lot of hard work these past few years, so I truly appreciate this kind of affirmation 🙌

[@cca2943]

Female sx 5w4 here! For me, it's quality time and touch all the way. Words of affirmation come dead last for some very 5 reasons: 1. perceived inconsistencies between behavior and speech reinforce my tendency to view others as unpredictable, and 2. I don't tend to value or require external validation. When men try to get my attention with compliments, I feel manipulated and will make a very swift French exit.

[@YouveGotaType]

That makes sense! And thanks for sharing. Also, never heard it called a French exit before. I've always called it an "Irish Goodbye" but yours sounds more elegant :)

[@kristinvillarreal7]

YESSSSS!!!!!!

[@NanaJCrochet]

As an INTJ 5w6 female I can hardly believe there is still information to discover after all the research I've previously done. Yet, having newly discovered your channel, I find you most informative, not unnecessarily complicated in your instruction and quite humorous. I also find you spot on with your analysis. Kudos from Gollum/Mr. Darcy. 😊

[@YouveGotaType]

This is awesome to hear! Love the specificity of those compliments - and gotta appreciate both a Pride & Prejudice reference w/ a LOTR reference 🙌

[@ashitaonline]

I'm a 5w4 SP and I think I value physical touch the most, while gift is the least. I feel like no one can give me the right gift and I don't want to keep things I don't like. And I don't want to deal with their emotions/reactions to whatever I will do with the gifts they gave me.

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks for sharing 🙏 I also empathize with that feeling pressured to respond to their expected emotional reactions during gift giving as well.

[@YouveGotaType]

Big thanks to everyone watching, liking, & subscribing! This series has been a huge labor of love and it's been so great to see your response 💚

[@CD-qr2xc]

These are really good videos - informative and humorous at the same time. You bring really new aspects into the conversation that I have been missing other places, so thank you for your efforts!

[@YouveGotaType]

@@CD-qr2xc Thank you so much! That's awesome to hear :)

[@Joy_Mission]

Wondering how much preparation goes into these wonderful, clear presentations.

[@jordanwoodard3645]

Fellow 5 here, this was all profoundly accurate. For a bit I convinced myself I’m a 4 despite having tested as a 5 but my wife then noted that is exactly what a 5 would do. She’s a 9w1 and I’m a 5w4 so we both LOVE to be alone at home together, but I’m grateful to say she openly challenges my crazy ideas and keeps me clear of getting too scattered and I, having experienced a failed marriage prior, can attest that we have small but worthwhile fights for the VERY REASON you specified is needed to signify we’re committed. I did not do that in the former marriage, and it has made all the difference. Love the content, I really appreciate you taking the time to help me understand myself more.

[@YouveGotaType]

Thank you for sharing such an insightful & specific experience of your personal growth as a 5. I love hearing stories like this where folks have made practical use of the wisdom of the enneagram (especially in their relationships). Glad my content can be helpful in that journey in any way!

[@light9623]

I enjoyed your comment because it reminded me how a little spat brings me out of my head space into the world of the living. As if I am being snapped back into reality. Otherwise, I think I could keep going deeper into myself, into withdrawal and stay hidden away with a very clear routine of daily tasks that must be completed in order for my life outside of my head to be functional and operational. I have one decently close friend. I do not share everything with but she plays a specific role in my life. The role she plays is to enjoy the hobby we have in common of which is training, understanding and riding horses. And of course I could spend hours talking about but rarely ever do because I feel this exhausts my energy reserve and why bother? Who benefits, really? Anyway, your comment sparked/provoked these thoughts.

[@davewagner980]

The bit about clarity is spot on! It can be a juggling act though because my comfort from the future goals as unchanging and sure can be confused by my partner as me being disinterested and unconcerned. "Do you still want to do this?" "Of course, if i didnt, i would have told you." It requires constant affirmation and "checking in" from me to let people know my ideas havent changed and i am still working toward the same goal. P.s. nailed the theory of impossible to buy something for a 5 is perfect for me. You could NEVER get me something more perfect for me because ive researched that thing for 3 weeks before buying it. 😉

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks for sharing!

[@keddy5627]

This is one of the best explanations of the 5 that I have watched! As a 5, everything was spot-on!!!! Thank you so much! 🥰

[@YouveGotaType]

So great to hear!!

[@enfieldjohn101]

I'm a 5 wing 4 and I would say that this video describes what we are like quite well.

[@YouveGotaType]

Glad to hear it!

[@enfieldjohn101]

Sometimes, it amazes me that my now wife and I ever hit it off after being set up on a blind date over the telephone by mutual coworkers. That was 19 years ago, and we've somehow managed to stay married for the past 17 years. I think it helped that we took the time to get to know each other slowly and to go on gradually more intimate dates over time rather than rushing into things. We talked nightly on the phone for a month before I found the courage to ask if she'd like to meet me at a little Mexican restaurant that we both liked. We've had our ups and downs, but I'd say more ups than downs. Both of us are types who try to avoid fighting at all costs, so we've never had a big blow up, just times when we didn't agree. What makes it even more amazing that we are still together is that on top of being a 5 wing 4, I'm also high functioning autistic. My wife got me to take the tests after she suspected it early on. She's an elementary school teacher who specializes in special education, so she saw the signs almost right away. Somehow, that didn't turn her off. I'm so lucky to meet someone who is so patient, understanding and caring. She's not interested in taking personality tests, but I suspect that she'd be a 2 wing 1 based on the descriptions of all the types. She's a natural at teaching and counselling and pretty much epitomizes the description of a 2 and a 1 including the down sides of them.@@YouveGotaType

[@carissav392]

Well, that explains why every gift I've ever gotten, except gift cards and ones I bought myself, left me disappointed.😂

[@YouveGotaType]

Haha checks out ;)

[@HoldTh3beef]

As a 5 who was playing chess while watching this i didn't fully tune in until you started talking about cobalt

[@YouveGotaType]

haha glad I caught your attention at least for a moment

[@lornadoell]

Yeah, I was doing my month end, but that gave me a little jolt.

[@LexaLite]

I'm a 5w4 and I've watched so many of these enneagram explanations of us that are so obviously the outside looking in on type 5s. This was the most spot on description of a 5s internal process, and I appreciate it. It's not judgment but an explanation that helps others see inside our mental and emotional world. Emotions are exhausting, we do value our ability for independent competence and are prone to getting into survival pacts with partners who don't engage in healthy conflict with us in order to promote our self development. Fives love learning, our relationships at best are learning experiences for us to be more competent at relationships. Where we lose out is if relationships are or were emotionally exhausting with no personal growth. Which can happen with folks who often view emotions and relationships as having inherent value without development growth or competence, or they take having a relationship with us for granted (the types of people who always need to be with someone can think this way)

[@YouveGotaType]

Love to hear it 🙌 that's exactly as I hoped it would land, ie "not a judgement but an explanation..."

[@LifeOfType5]

I don’t know if it’s because I’m a sexual 5 but I’m really emotionally connected to people and have no issue having to reconnect with new people and I always consider the emotional side of issues just as much as the intellectual side.

[@YouveGotaType]

Well sounds like you could have a real strong 4 wing which will pull you into the Heart center. This is also why I tried to reiterate that 5s don't "lack emotion." You're definitely not alone in this experience.

[@itznav_sin]

Literally me

[@josephboehmportfolio2414]

HOLY WOW 😮 as a type 5 I’m SHOOK at how accurate that is

[@YouveGotaType]

🙌

[@BhutanBluePoppy]

Im a 5 (w4) and I think youre doing great. Thanks for hanging in there for us; it really helps me understand & accept myself.

[@YouveGotaType]

So glad to hear it ;) You have plenty of wonderful traits to offer this world.

[@di_kid00]

“An elegant thoughtful, pleasant person tease up a convo about the environmental impact of cobalt mining…okay, gas tank stabilizing, maybe even going up a quarter of a tank” 😂😭 never felt so heard. It’s like I’m drained until this kind of convo comes up

[@CoachAhava-0000]

5:34 Emotions are an unpredictable predictable variable, and as a concept are often used to minimize, infantilize, or otherwise discredit decisions and decision-making, when infact everyone makes emotional decisions and explains them with logic. I like incorporating the variable(s) and not letting them dictate or control my experience. Lovely observation. And physical touch with safe people can communicate quite a lot. Absolutely.

[@JadedeaJade]

I love that: unpredictable predictable variable. When you start to learn the patterns, and the formulas to enact a certain emotion, people start thinking you're using voodoo on them.

[@CoachAhava-0000]

@@JadedeaJade This!!! Yes, I'm a witch, but I don't bother. It's not usually necessary to affect anyone else but myself. ;-)

[@Joy_Mission]

Parenting a 15 year old type 5! So I’m trying to apply some of this to understanding her! Oh the mistakes I have made in falling to understand her. 😮 Thank you for all of your content, truly eye opening.

[@aeumurolake9563]

I love the drum fills @ intro and between the topics!

[@NikoleHuber]

5W6, INFJ, Words of Affirmation. Good video. Especially loved the clarity bit. So true. I find that some people think I'm being argumentative when I'm asking for clarity. I need clear communication with no drama.

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks for sharing! Glad it resonated.

[@jrag4633]

As a 5, this is true. I'm married to a 6. Yes, the emotional aspect still drains me but we seem to balance each other. It's not easy but we're constantly working on it. 😅

[@YouveGotaType]

Glad to hear it resonates 🙌 and bravo for leaning into the work :)

[@jrag4633]

@YemimaHutapea Quality time and acts of service tend to be more of my love language. I feel most loved when I get heard without interruptions (phones, devices, etc), and I appreciate help with chores vs. a hug or cuddling. I have a million tabs open, and if my partner helps me close one of those, it gives me such great relief and mental break.

[@kellikakes81]

Omg. I live with someone like this! Lol. I'm an enneagram 9. You completely described him...

[@YouveGotaType]

Hoping this vid helps create some understanding & empathy for 'em :)

[@kellikakes81]

@@YouveGotaType it has. Thank you so much. I'll watch often as a refresher

[@YouveGotaType]

@@kellikakes81 love it 🙌

[@HxH2011DRA]

I'm a 9w1 myself with a roommate who is a 4 with a strong 5 wing, this video does explain a lot about our relationship XD

[@linneahasselgren]

I love you for doing this series! My partner is a 5w4 and I'm a 4w5 - we are soooo different from each other but somehow it's a perfect fit! ❤️

[@Notstoowarbjustme]

I’m still trying to figure out which of the 2 I am. Any pointers? 🤔

[@YouveGotaType]

Glad you're enjoying the series! It's been a blast to make.

[@donnathedead7554]

Awww, the twin flames

So on point. As sx 5w4, I love physical touch! It's my primary one and word of affirmation. I need those. I hate gifts or suprises. Most of them suck and especially since I have particular tastes, and they are usually expensive. So, the family understands and has given me gift cards.

[@YouveGotaType]

🙌

[@jessebustos7549]

Thank you very much for your videos. I look forward to them, and I take a lot of time to reflect on the content alone and with my closest friend. Your videos help me understand, improve, and appreciate myself as a 5, and I’m grateful to you for that. Keep up the great work!

[@YouveGotaType]

I absolutely love this comment. Thank you so much for using these videos as intentionally as I craft them 🙏

[@mwatson4970]

I completely agree with ALL of this! Only caveat is that gifts is my #3 love language bc if I tell someone exactly what I want, that is what I want. And it shows that they listened and followed through which ties into acts of service/trust. I DO NOT want a 'surprise' that I have to pretend for. Rather have a card that gives me feels but not the disappointment a gift would.

[@YouveGotaType]

Glad it all resonated! And thanks for sharing the LLs 🙌

[@ic3peak276]

I'm a 5 dating a 6. Relationships are weird, but we both understand each other's need for security, even if manifested differently. I do believe quality time is my preferred love language, as a huge moment of focus and intellectual share is crucial for me. I'm also sx so I can be really contradictory.

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks for sharing 🙏

[@josiesmith1295]

This may be the only Enneagram 5 video that is 100% correct. I can identify with every single part. Well done.

[@YouveGotaType]

Love to hear it 🙌 Glad it was an enjoyable/accurate watch!

[@AutisticBarbie]

I didn’t know we could have relationships neat

[@JonKamale]

You speak clearly, the ideas are well organize, tasteful humor and your personality has a "je ne sais quoi" to it. You will do well regardless of the subject matter. Well done.

[@YouveGotaType]

Wow those are some wonderful compliments. Thank you very much for the encouragement - means a lot especially in these early days 🙏

[@holytuna567]

Awesome video…one of the best quick summaries of how a 5 ticks I have ever heard. Thank you for this!

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks so much!

[@m2pozad]

Damn! I've been hoping for clarity on type since my MBTI test results are inconclusive. Multiple details of my personal history are here in the 5, unfortunately, though I test as 8. Very impressed. Well done.

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks!

[@AzeAlter]

I'm still baffled how accurate this is

[@YouveGotaType]

Love to hear it

[@formasdopossivel]

Male SP 5w6 here. You nailed it. I review myself and attitudes in most if not all you/ve described about 5's.

[@YouveGotaType]

🙌

[@visuallanguage]

5 here, started off in disagreement but ended with.... yes. I think I'm contrasting this as an INFP 5, its bumpy on the emotions. But very much yes on the love languages. Quality time, Acts of Service. The rest are ... not a priority. No one can buy me better gifts than I buy myself, and I like very very specific things (and even enjoy researching and investigating / shopping for the things, so money really is the happiest gift for me).

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks for sharing 🙌

[@ediofelicianomatola2699]

I am five. In five I take long to commit with a woman, however I disagree that we tend to look to the partner as an object and not a human being. In fact, I take long to committ because I take very seriously the other part. I know that I may create expectations a touch deep feelings in the other side so the deep analysis before entering the relationship because since I am there as per my principles I am forbidden to quit for a non serious reason. I am forbidden to hurt a girl who committed to connect with me. My high level of responsability forbids me of doing so. So, we take the human side of our partner very seriously. We see the partner as a human with feelings and emotions that we must always consider and take care.

[@effulgENTPossibilities]

The thing I enjoy in dealing with others is wit in humor, and listening intently to what they're saying to see if there's any sense to what they're saying. I also analyze them as a person and try to figure out where they are getting their info. If emotion comes to play, I kind of move on.

[@effulgENTPossibilities]

I do love humor. I like it when a person tells me where they're going in a conversation first instead of rambling on and eventually get to the point. I love discussing details after I know where we're going .

[@MatthewEaton]

It is how I know someone wants something from me is when they try to cater to an emotion they think I am feeling or they are using their own emotional pitch to get to what they want from me. It is easier to train them to speak plainly, even if it hurts their feelings for being so direct. A lot of people can't handle being blunt or direct with others. They think it is rude. It is up to you to remind them it is actually polite and sensitive to not waste time.

[@YouveGotaType]

Love that insight into your personal perspective of this aspect of 5ness. Thanks for sharing!

[@JWar949]

As a 5w6... I can say, yes I sometimes come off cold, calculating and mean... but emotionless robot? No. Because when I've let someone in I feel ALL emotions very deeply, as pointed out in theme 1. I definitely need a recharge after putting myself out there or getting "hurt". But I don't necessarily retreat to recharge... I probably would if I didn't use physical touch and intimacy to get a fast recharge. So per them 1, I tend to prefer intimacy. But opposite to the bonus section, love languages. As my primary love language is physical touch. If thats not possible then I default to my 2nd & 3rd, being quality time and words of affirmation. Honestly tho, being able to snuggle up with the one I love for quality time and have her tell me she loves me.... My love energy tank runneth over ❤️

[@YouveGotaType]

Interesting stuff! That 6 wing definitely creates some inner contradictions between classic 5ness and more relational 6ness. Thanks for sharing 🙏

[@dancerlywakeness]

Absolutely excellent video, and very original compared to any other forum or video I’ve seen on this

[@YouveGotaType]

Awesome to hear that, thanks!

[@margaretjudice8944]

Great information! Thank you for sharing.

[@lizr6313]

I know im difficult to be with. But when i hear someone describe the way i am in a relationships so ridiculesly well it puts it into perspective iust how awful it must be to deal with me. Whilst serving as a sad reminder of how hard relationships are for me. Imma die alone lol .. awesome video though!! You're extremely on point with this one. Your stuff if top tier.

[@YouveGotaType]

Thank you so much 🙏 and we've all got our sh*t to work through! As a critical type 1, I know I'm like human sandpaper for some.

[@lady_icarus]

I can relate. But in a 4 way 🤔 I always feel like I’m too much and when people pull away, I automatically beat myself up for being… too me. Then I dream about becoming a nun. 😂 Relationships can be tough, but keep watching out for people that will try to understand and offer to pour into you rather than drain you. They are out there.

[@lizr6313]

I'm a 5w4!! I beat myself up too 😅

[@MatthewEaton]

@@lizr6313 As a fellow 5 who leans on my 4 wing often, I am there. I would only say this: There are two wings for a reason. When you balance both your 4 and 6, you can fly a little easier. Sure, I am a hypocrite because I don't want to be included in anything, but that is what "they" tell me.

[@HxH2011DRA]

"Great minds are like eagles, and build their nest in sole lofty solitude."- Schopenhauer

[@TM-vl9su]

it seems important to note here, for all the people looking to lower the type 5's guard: we can raise it back up in the blink of an eye, even if we can't just stop loving you (yet - no emotion lasts forever). Frankly the most connected I feel with people is through indirect connections (I see someone acting according to an opinion I also hold for example- connection! Not gonna talk to them though); I'm not sure how I'm supposed to connect with people directly, like, sharing my life story and emotions, when I'm not attached to them in the first place :l

[@fateddreamer]

as a 5w4 my love languages are acts of service and thoughtful gifts. I do however make a list for for those not so close to buy me something I won't hate. I put lots of time into finding the perfect gifts for my loved ones so I am good at gift giving to a point. I don't hate physical touch but its never been a priority for me unless someone I care for needs it. my 4 wing however does sometimes kick into high gear and I might hug or briefly tough a loved one.

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks for sharing!

[@KimSincox]

Thank you so much! Love your videos! So helpful!

[@YouveGotaType]

🙌

[@archivist_of_dragonstone]

Hi, it's me, I'm the 1w2 partner trapped in the cold, platonic survival pact with a 5w6. I think he would rather spontaneously combust than communicate a feeling or need, so I guess this is my life now. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@YouveGotaType]

Phew well... I hope for brighter days for you both 🙌

[@archivist_of_dragonstone]

@maryyang2919 It is tough but I've come to realize that they don't see it as a struggle, it's just who they are. Like I don't see my perfectionism as necessarily a bad thing, it's just part of who I am as a 1. I can control it, but I can't get rid of it completely because it's my literal personality. 5's are the same way, their isolation isn't a bad thing to them, although they might regret how it effects other types that don't "get it". I hope things work out for you and your 5, I'm getting a divorce from mine after almost 10 years married. His choice.

[@CD-qr2xc]

Haha, I'm a sx three, strong four wing and love my five husband. I'm quite a challenge for him, but it also keeps us alive as a couple that we are so different.

[@YouveGotaType]

The ole opposites attract :) Many 5s end up with 2s or 3s because they can carry the social burden, and 5s can bring a calm stability.

[@sherieglinsey5911]

For me as a 5 its quality time and words of affirmation. The reassurance via words is definitely a strong love language for me right after your gift of time. ❤❤

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks for sharing 🙌

[@MatthewEaton]

As a 5, I expect this to be the shortest video as we don't have this... _looks at index card_ ..."Relationship" thing you keep insisting we have. We don't have... _looks at index card again_ ..."Emotions" either. I look forward to seeing how short and sweet this will be, probably just an index card with No relationships for you, 5s. All in good humor, of course. Some 5s actually do have relationships and emotions. I look forward to seeing how to act like one of those soon!

[@YouveGotaType]

Lol well I definitely address emotion in my very first theme (of which there are five). Looking forward to your feedback once it's live!

[@lady_icarus]

😂😂😂 love this comment! Part of the reason I adore 5s-your humor is spot on!

[@MatthewEaton]

@@lady_icarus Thank you! If you cannot laugh at yourself, then you cannot laugh with the world, right?

[@lady_icarus]

@@MatthewEaton So true!!! 💜

[@CoachAhava-0000]

I feel like autism and AUdhd could hide in the 5 personality type. The busy mind, library, detachment and assessment of emotions and unconventional perspective really fits. Its a spectrum and neurotype for a reason. Not saying its one or the other, and yet I see the overlap/connection.

[@Dgn404]

I'm a 594 and I would say physical touch is around the middle for me. I do love quality time and definitely am not a fan of gifts except for the rare occasion where someone really has been paying attention, so it is both something I would want and something that carries a sentiment to it, like say a t shirt depicting my favorite band if they also love that band. Inappropriate or unwanted gifts I often decline as they make me feel uncomfortable, suspicious of their motives or like they don't know me.

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks for sharing how those LLs play out in your personal life!

[@carpe5432]

As a 5w4 I love gifts but only when someone buys me what I told them to buy. And yes, in exact same size, taste and shape. Otherwise it’s completely different gift

[@RoseDreamsinger]

No kidding. I remember when I asked my mother for either Alvin or Simon Chipmunk toy as a gift. What did she get me? Theodore, of course. Her response to my disappointment: "It's a Chipmunk, isn't it?" Gah. She never did improve her gift-giving skills, even when I gave a range of choices. Eventually I just asked for gift cards, or generic things like poster frames. Not posters- I chose those myself - just the frame to put it in. Can't do much to get that wrong, lol.

[@rogerkeith4933]

Very astute synopsis. I sent this video to my wife of 20+ years. I will evaluate her reaction and get back to you. You may notice I didn't use the Oxford Comma in that comment; I am branching out, trying to change... how is that for a five 🧐

[@YouveGotaType]

lol well I look forward to hearing your wife's reaction! What type is she, out of curiosity? And bravo for the deeply spiritual work of grammatical fluidity ;)

[@DeadbatteryVT1300]

Spot on for everything !

[@YouveGotaType]

Glad to hear it!

[@cassandrawong5590]

Love your videos! Do you have a relationship pairing for 5 and 7?

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks! And the 5-7 vid is coming up soon, stay tuned ;)

[@cassandrawong5590]

@@YouveGotaType not going to lie - very interested in this video! can't wait. - nice virtual nudge. Thank you for your high quality material.

[@jenniferbentley4355]

As an Ennegram 5 and an INFJ this information is very useful and now I understand why relationships never seem to work for me. I would love to have a long-term committed relationship but from your explanation with how cold 5's tend to be it sounds impossible.

[@YouveGotaType]

Definitely not impossible at all. These are not fatalistic descriptions, these are just hurtles you can either choose to overcome, or resign yourself too (as it goes with every person of every enneagram type).

[@donnathedead7554]

You did such a great job and were so spot on about everything but, I feel like the love language thing could use some clarity. 5s actually love physical touch, it just takes them a looong time to warm up to people that way. Once intimacy is established in a relationship, it becomes the top choice of how we want to receive love. Acts of service and quality/intentional time may still be the main way we give love as we only do those things for people we love. We don't necessarily want those things coming to us from the other though. Acts of service could trigger the ego of a 5, that doesn't want to depend on anyone else for anything. We can be controlling with time, not so much on how we're spending it together, just a need to feel like we know when we can be done. 5s are actually very cuddly, as it takes no energy and doesn't interfere with any deep, intellectual conversations we might have while doing it. You were right about gift giving being the dead last choice of every 5 though.

[@YouveGotaType]

Glad you enjoyed the video! In regards to LLs, it's very different based on the personal experiences and instinct of the 5 (obviously sexual 5s will lead with this in general). You can't generalize it for all 5s as if they just need to warm up to people to enjoy touch. I've worked with plenty of married 5s that just flat out don't value touch (even with their spouse) as much as the other LLs like quality time or words. Food for thought!

[@donnathedead7554]

@@YouveGotaType I have a theory, as to why it would be or maybe just appear, that some 5s don't like physical touch, even with a partner. 5s have this thing about not wanting to feel like their needs are a bourdon, so if the partner ever made the 5 feel that way around this need, they would adjust and meet their own needs instead. I experienced this once in a relationship. If you still love the person, you will shift to whatever does not make you feel like a bourdon. So, if the person likes spending time with you, you'll just do that instead and be fine with it. This idea that cuddling is a bourdon may have been conditioned from childhood to the point that they don't dare address this need. 5s like to think they don't need anything from anyone else anyway. I think this is why a lot of 5s prefer pets to human relationships.

[@Ocean-lr6oz]

5w4 woman and I value gifts and acts of service. I really have to step outside of myself when it comes to touch and words of affirmation

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks for sharing 🙏

[@Helsinki9430]

I’m a 5 and I somewhat disagree about the love languages. I wouldn’t put physical touch that low on the list. Gift giving would definitely be at the bottom of the list but I think 1. Quality time and 2. Physical touch would be the most important elements for me when it comes to showing love in a romantic relationship

[@RowUnbeat]

Thanks! Keep being a genius!

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks so much for the Super Thanks! That's the first one I've got and it took me a second to realize what it was lol. Your affirmation & generosity is very appreciated 🙏

[@JRay.R]

Started watching this thinking I’m a 5, by the end…I’m 99% sure I’m not a 5…and 99% sure my boyfriend of 6 years is a 5. Hahaha wtf.

[@MatthewEaton]

That's the beautiful part about knowledge, right? You never know what you might find out and it might just change everything you know about yourself and the people you love.

[@YouveGotaType]

Whoa a dual 5 relationship! I would guess you have different wings 🧐

[@JRay.R]

@@YouveGotaType it’s becoming clear that I have absolutely no clue. I’ve, at times, felt like I identify with key aspects of many types…2,3,4,5,6,9…hahaha. It’s not particularly clear to me why I can’t seem to get it narrowed down…but I’m sure it’s at least partially because I’m not fluent in the enneagram and it’s intricacies.

[@HxH2011DRA]

LocalScriptMan sent me, said you make great Enneagram videos. No lies told I see

[@YouveGotaType]

Glad it lived up to the hype 🙌 Appreciate ya watching & affirming.

[@HxH2011DRA]

@YouveGotaType oh wow didn't expect a reply at 3AM lol (technically 2:45 but who's counting?) Hope you're in California and I bid you a good night regardless!

[@YouveGotaType]

lol I'm in Hawaii, but close! Only 9pm. Late night internet vibes on a Friday night feels right for mah 5s tho haha

[@HxH2011DRA]

@@YouveGotaType lucky~!🌴🥥

[@lady_icarus]

*narrows eyes* Is it normal to see some of these instances you have mentioned in my relationship with my 8w9? Sometimes I see glimpses. I know that is their line of disintegration, but sometimes it just reveals itself in a random moment.

[@YouveGotaType]

Good observation! That 9 wing mixed with the line of disintegration would definitely make the 8 have plenty of overlap (as you'll also see in the upcoming Type 8 Relationship video that drops in a few weeks). Very different motivations, but can look real similar on the surface.

[@lady_icarus]

@@YouveGotaType Ooh! Thank you!!! Can’t wait to watch!!! This series has been very strong!

[@MatthewEaton]

And since the 8 is also the healthy 5s target, I can see where this might crop up. I am no expert in humans - remember, I am merely a brain and a heart in a pudding vat - but sometimes that can play into what people see and think.

[@YouveGotaType]

@@lady_icarus thanks so much!

[@lady_icarus]

⁠@@MatthewEaton🤔🤔🤔 this is true! Good point! And lollll!!! Hello brain and heart in a pudding vat-I’m the swirling, floating ball of emotions! 😂

[@moyan853]

Im a 5 and I totally agree with you

[@YouveGotaType]

Glad to hear it felt so accurate 🙌

[@OCD-Gamer]

man this was an excellent video

[@YouveGotaType]

Thanks so much!

[@-_M___M_-]

"5 tend to do so much research about what they really want that it's almost impossible the exact right thing that they would have bought"... YEP.

[@lorigonzalez1200]

Do other 5s find close relationships and love w humans not pets to be too overstimulating and unfulfilling not at all with it

[@MatthewEaton]

It can be simply because relationships exploit our greatest weaknesses: The emotions of others. Often we cannot hang with them because it takes so much out of us, yet so many of those other people want to dump their emotions into us as we are the calm and rational people. I've had more than one person tell me they wanted to "fix me" by giving me their emotional baggage because I wasn't feeling the same thing they were. This is what makes the world go around, but it doesn't mean we have to like it or put up with it either.

[@CuddleClaw.]

Thanks!

[@YouveGotaType]

Thank you so much!! Really appreciate the generosity 🙌

[@TheChickadeeNetwork]

Soooo if a 5 expressed they were deeply attracted to me but because work got crazy they cut things off... is there still a chance he might come back? hahaha still holding out hope

[@YouveGotaType]

Haha I wouldn't have the foggiest idea. But I would say, try to love yourself enough to not settle for someone that wont prioritize you.

[@MatthewEaton]

(pulls out 3 binders. Opens binder 2) I have to say that I am disappointed. As you can see here... (flipping a few hundred pages in) Ah. Page 435, paragraph 3, subclause A.21Banana. "Any video portraying 5s as humans is strictly prohibited." "All of the 'emotions' a 5 feels are akin to AI hallucinations and nothing more. These flaws are not to be addressed in any media per the 5 Pact Accord of 1076." (closes binder) This idea that we're... Human... No, no, no. See, I am actually a brain and heart floating in a vat of tapioca pudding. I don't need the body because I don't have one. (holds disembodied hands up) Don't ask. This psychic power is so grand, I can manipulate objects like these "hands" and "feet" you humans keep talking about. I am disappoint, good sir. You will be hearing from my robot lawyers who are also 5s in giant pudding vats. In all seriousness, I tell anyone who deals with me that I am on half battery constantly. It upsets a lot of people because they want more out of me emotionally, but I'm too old and too much of a 5 to care these days. A good video for me to chew over and think about how I will have to follow my only rule on the books: Stop trying to be human. It isn't your strong suit.

[@YouveGotaType]

LOL much love to you on the journey of 5ness good sir - in all it's robotic, pudding-like goodness 🙏

[@kellikakes81]

🤣

[@lady_icarus]

😂😂😂 your humor! 💯 oddly enough, as a 4 - I often tell people a similar thing as I feel like a ball of emotions just floating around. My body comes last. Sometimes I forget to even water this thing.

[@MatthewEaton]

@@lady_icarus Indeed. This might be the prime opportunity to upgrade your pudding vat as well. As a brain and a heart in a pudding vat, I found I had to change the type of pudding I was in to associate with the level of MIND DOMINANCE I needed to have in the world. 😂😂😂 I am glad you enjoy the humor. I figure it had to be done seeing as my build up was at the same level as well.

[@MatthewEaton]

@@YouveGotaType Just wait until I see 6. Since I have a wing in that one, it is the one I so do enjoy torturing the most. Sure, my wing 4 is the more emotional one, but that's a whole different vat of pudding, as it were. And, that is the day before I have to do the annual pudding swap (what you humans might call a "birthday," which doesn't apply since I was issued to my parents at negative three as a "living construct"... in pudding).

[@Brad-Ley]

I can see where I'd mistake being an Enneagram type 5. A lot of the traits you mention are similar to Scorpio moon (My moon sign) traits hence why I'm getting type 5 almost every time I look at my enneagram type. Maybe that's why it's so hard for me to get an accurate answer.

[@Defactodissident]

I feel alone in this apparently. As a So 5 words of affirmation have always been my first go to, I'm sure i have a strong connection with the 7; to start a verbal engagement with someone, inducing seduction and rapport then physical touches always in that order. And it may come with being a five to be wholly indifferent with things so gifts are forced to appreciate in the sense materialization is too much maintenance so I put them in the back burner.

[@savednorwegian]

Im a 5 and yes, Im the most stubborn mf if you push me. I've said this to people and they dont believe it. But then again, some of them havent experienced my stubborness: *Nope. Nope. whatever you say: Nope. Nope. Nope* thank you for these videoes, they help to decipher the Enneagram 30+ pages report I've gotten

[@YouveGotaType]

Glad it was helpful & felt accurate.

[@daveloomis]

First video of yours I've watched. I felt so seen. 😂

[@YouveGotaType]

Glad you found the channel, and that we've started off on a high note 🙌

[@okin536]

These personality frameworks scream truisms and cold-reading, but damn if I don't associate with being a 5. The whole video is incredibly spot-on, and made me laugh a couple times from the accuracy. Love languages: +Quality time +Physical intimacy (easier to communicate emotions than using words)

[@YouveGotaType]

I think most enneagram content creators out there on insta/youtube definitely lean into the truisms of it all. Trying my best to at least take it a level deeper than that in just 10 minutes or so... glad it resonated though!

[@wisamrohilina3006]

5w4 here.. however growing up i've always felt like a 5w6.. just until i had my Daughter and somehow I had to get touch with my & her emotions.. somehow this has triggered a shift in my personality and I embraced my 4 wing.. is this something you see common with 5 women? I am married to a 6w7.. so he does take care of a lot of the "mundane" things 😂 but he likes it because he can feel in control of his environment.. Could you also please do some videos on 5 relationships with 6? Thank you

[@YouveGotaType]

I think it's a very common pattern for people to shift wings as they get into their late 20s or early 30s. It's our way of "improving ourselves" or reacting to the struggles of our youth. And I've got videos coming for each enneagram pairing coming soon(ish) :)

[@wisamrohilina3006]

@@YouveGotaType awsome.. will be looking forward for those videos for sure

[@jenilynneful]

I didn’t know you knew me so well

[@ideologybot4592]

I'm a 5 and I disagree about the love languages part. Mine have always been gifts and physical touch. I'm a very good gift giver and I like to see positive reactions to what I've gotten for someone and will spend real money. A gift reflects how well you know someone, that's where the meaning comes from. I don't fail at this. Now, I prefer not to receive gifts much at all, but I've gotten a few that knocked my socks off over the years, so it's not a rejection on principle. I just don't want a bunch of stuff laying around I don't want, that I feel obligated to keep out of sentimentality. So you're not totally off base, just a little off base. Physical touch, to be honest, I just enjoy for its own sake, and if I'm not enjoying the physical aspects of a relationship, I usually don't have many reasons to be in one. I've never had an intimate relationship that's intellectually stimulating. Some are better than others, but platonic relationships work better for that, family and friends and coworkers. Note that I'm extremely into philosophy and metaethics and politics, and finding a partner that's into that is -not easy- impossible in my experience. I don't care about words of affirmation at all, because most people don't really know how they feel and I can figure out where they are based on their actions and choices more than their rationalizations. I HAVE known people who know themselves well, and I listen to them, but I dated a woman with a master's in psych one time and she thought she was brilliant when she could actually barely tie her shoes. That one didn't last. It's better to just do what you're going to do - we're all free people here - and I'll sort it out for us. Non-intellectual people tend to think that being a brainiac makes you incompetent at emotions, but it absolutely doesn't. An emotion is a data point, and when you express it, I WILL analyze you, probably very effectively. I can vibe with the expectations, it's just that it's work and I will eventually want my space again. Pay the self-sufficiency tax, contribute to the relationship, and we'll be fine. Dependent personalities need not apply.

[@jobbins008]

Best gift for a 5 is a book on a topic they’ve shown interest in. I actually have a list of them I want so my wife can pick one out for me. 😂

[@YouveGotaType]

Gotta love having that amazon wishlist :)

[@Lara0076]

Hey! I am 5 and I disagree! :D (Joking) I would like to add to your explanation of love languages. Being a five with dominant sexual instinct comes with some enchancements in the emotions+body department. Touch is my link to emotional love (and I dont mean sex). Definitely primary love language. I am also an artist (partially to being an architect/engineer) and much of my work is driven by my fascination of this effect, ..by how fiercely is a person being able to percieve emotions through it. Even so much, that some people called my artist den a temple of body. (Which was completely confusing for me at first. Now I am astonished how could I not see that.) However, you described "gifts" as a pro :)

[@YouveGotaType]

Totally makes sense, and I know many 5s have very "nonverbal" relationships as I'll dive into more in the upcoming series on each enneagram relationship combo. Thanks for gently disagreeing :)

[@HouseHoldAdventures]

My number 1 and 2 love languages are Physical Touch and Words of Affirmation. I just want to feel wanted and able to hold someone ane be told that im doing the right things and that im loved. I think I was neglegted that as a child

[@YouveGotaType]

That's fascinating to hear from a 5 - have you looked into type 9? Many folks mistype those at first.

[@donnathedead7554]

That sounds more like a 3 or a 6. I've heard 3 seeks this from a maternal figure (not necessarily a female, but a caregiver that loves you unconditionally) and 6s seeks this from a paternalistic figure (not necessarily a male, but a protector and guide).

[@JadedeaJade]

I have taken tests that put me at 4w5, or 5w4 depending on my mood. My three highest scores are types 4 & 5, same score, and 7 being 3rd. I'm also deadass an ENFP, there is no question to that. A guy I'm friends with, and now pursuing for dating has said a few times that I sounded like a robot. I've only had one person that I felt truly understood me, and he was only at about 90%. I'm only talking to him because he's "tolerated" me so far. Really hard to find someone that gives me that security\clarity, and the authenticity and uniqueness I crave on the 4 side. I just end up sounding weird, clingy, needy, and sometimes called a gold digger. Too many people fly by the seat of their pants, and then want you to join them on their doomed tripped to tragedy. Just can't get on board with that, even when I hate existence. Luckily the 7 drags my emo self through the day, and I stay hopeful even though I have no reasons for it.

[@YouveGotaType]

The mixture of traits you described all sounds like a 6 with a sexual instinct. 6s are extremely paradoxical, much like testing as the two most withdrawn types (4,5) and yet somehow testing high in 7 and an ENTP. The roboticness mixed with the intensity of the way you write/describe yourself and others also tracks with 6s going from hot to cold based on their "mood" which is usually caused by anxiety. You also emphasized clarity & security = the hallmarks of 6ness that could at times be misinterpreted as being a "gold digger" because they value traditional forms of security i.e. physical strength and material/financial security. Here's the Type 6 Relationships vid if you're open to the possibility: kzbin.info/www/bejne/g6OTopWBqtOLoqs

[@JadedeaJade]

@@YouveGotaType I really appreciate your insight. Watching now!

[@donnathedead7554]

If you are an enfp, you are not a 5. 5s aren't extraverts, although I have heard of a mesoverted so5, but those are all entps. The feeler 5s, which are rare, are all infps. An enfp could definitely be a 4. You sound like an enfp sp4. That's what my daughter is. Awesome personality. Are you a creative type like a write or painter? That can really punch up your 5 wing sometimes, as you have periods of withdrawing into that creativity.

[@Notstoowarbjustme]

Do you do coaching by any chance?

[@YouveGotaType]

Occasionally, yes. I have a form on youvegotatype.com if you're interested ;)

[@Notstoowarbjustme]

@@YouveGotaType I’ll check it out, thank you! I’ve tried a few coaches already but I never feel 💯 sure with the result, they all typed me differently too lol. And so far I like all your videos, they’re easy to understand 👍🏼 although I can relate to all the types still 👀

[@YouveGotaType]

@@Notstoowarbjustme sounds like a very classic type 9 or 6 experience :) happy to help if I can! And glad you’re enjoying the vids!

[@moyan853]

REal Great analysis

[@YouveGotaType]

Thank you!

[@vlad-igor]

Contains emotions

[@TraumaLlama91]

I hate how accurate this was for me.

[@YouveGotaType]

Hopefully it helps :) also your handle made me lol.

[@TraumaLlama91]

@@YouveGotaType I’m actually a first responder, but I also have PTSD so it works lol.

[@YouveGotaType]

Ahhh I didn't think of it as a Llama that treats trauma haha but I like that better@@TraumaLlama91

[@StrengthCoachFelix]

Explained everything to a t about me but I do other physical touch as my love language. The gifts comment is word for word what I've said to my wife 😅

[@YouveGotaType]

Love it!

[@thislittleweirdgirl332]

Yikes… this was me exactly, point for point. But after hearing your tone and jokes, I just feel like a giant asshole 😂 but it really is all true 🤦🏻‍♀️.

[@Abvgdejziklmnoprst]

As a 5, i approve

[@YouveGotaType]

🫡

[@lorigonzalez1200]

Yes, it’s a huge risk throwing myself out in the world just feel like I’m being skinned alive every time somebody tries to engage with me. 😏🧐

[@YouveGotaType]

Phew poetic way to put it.

[@Hannerloo]

As a type 5…. Sex jokes always get me 😂😂

[@YouveGotaType]

LOL

[@zakuzeon7382]

"If you're a Type 5 in a relationship" I disagree. 😀

[@YouveGotaType]

😅

[@Faeriefungus]

God I wish I could help my loved one

[@billhornblast77]

this man did not utter a single untrue syllable. wow

[@YouveGotaType]

🙌

[@stevedavenport1202]

5s do kinda come across as robots

[@YouveGotaType]

They definitely can - especially with the 6 wing.

[@soffaerie]

I'm making notes here not to avoid conflict bc yes, I can see my 5w4 bf getting confortable in a rather bad situation. Clear boundaries aren't the easiest thing for me though as 4w5. obs - dating someone this similar to yourself is both a blessing and a curse