Report: Most College Males Admit To Regularly Getting Stoked

Panelists discuss whether there is an epidemic among young people today who get stoked over everything from free keychains to tacos.
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[@supastar25]

Dude dude, try these nachos!

[@samantharavis6057]

I read this comment as he said that, my dude

[@jojones4685]

+Samantha Ravis so did i

[@fulcrum2951]

Dude

[@itze_]

That's just irresponsible

[@popquiz97]

So scary

[@daCanadainCanuck]

And NOW HE'S DEAD oh my god Well i assume he is

[@chefboiardeeznutz9881]

Just landed on that line when I read this lol

[@ObscuredByTime]

Best line.

[@CaveyMoth]

When your friend isn't online for 3 days.

[@GodGuy8]

marcus talerico same😆

[@TheEphemeralMammal]

He got better.

[@TimeandMonotony]

I got so fucking stoked when the dude jumped on the table!

[@Icanhasautomaticcheeseburger]

Me, too. I miss the old Onion videos...

[@mickmockedmack]

You should be ashamed.

[@mamboa1986]

fuck yeah dude!

[@donovanvaughan7161]

total contact stoke

[@TrentonCS]

He didn’t jump on any table lmao.

[@gpcaraudio]

I'm so stoked I'm on an old school onion video spree. More of these videos please

[@micksrsi9793]

fucking yes fucking yes hella stoked about that bro

[@frickingfricks5833]

baw baw white radical, dude.

[@casul-]

The best thing is when you forget about the onion, see a weird news video in the youtube feed, and then remember its the onion halfwsy through the video

[@schnoz2372]

Yo im so stoked that you're stoked

[@ticler]

Onion is now under control of SJWs.

[@stephskylarr]

They're like dude dude, try these nachos.

[@Psilomuscimol]

Sky probably because they aren't stoked, but rather stoned.

[@Psilomuscimol]

Mildly Amusing Channel hmmm. Try opms kratom gold caps. Those will get you stoked

[@marios1861]

@@Psilomuscimol kratom is horrible

[@Psilomuscimol]

@@marios1861 the extracts don't feel the same. But kratom isn't horrible. You just don't like it

[@lancehobbs8012]

I had to rewatch him saying that 3 times

[@Oshyrath]

"And now he's dead!!! Well, I assume he is". LOL Best Onion line ever.

[@recepege]

Oshyrath I've lost it when she said that

[@Noarcs]

It actually became real news as the person quoted had to come out and announce he wasn't dead to his friends. Not joking.

[@meh2385]

Hahaha, Nancy is the best.

[@dvdjkaufmn]

Right? Hahahahaha

[@walkermorales337]

“Well I assume he is” is pretty good as well

[@smaller_cathedrals]

"Nancy, don't hate, man!" - "I'm just telling you how it is, fool!"

[@timopper5488]

smaller cathedrals Nancy’s a real straight shooter.

[@_LEONKING_]

Nancy really killed it in this video😂 "AND NOW HE'S DEAD!!!... Well I assume he is"

[@PaulOutsidetheWalls]

"Nancy, don't hate, man!"

[@Mineav]

"I'm just telling ya how it is, fool!"

[@DennisMoore664]

"Where my fucking homies at?"

[@lucindabreeding]

@@spacegamer3836 Duncan, you're STOKED?

[@gweegygweegy6126]

“Yeah! And you know what? I’m getting more stoked,”

[@gweegygweegy6126]

@@spacegamer3836 “Oh my god!”

[@Pining_for_the_fjords]

I'll be stoked if The Onion ever makes content as good as this again.

[@xgullafter9590]

Conway79 your opinion is trash

[@xgullafter9590]

@Evildie .x nah

[@HaxxorElite]

@@xgullafter9590 yes

[@norsejohn7248]

Unlikely, humour has been politicked.

[@18skeltor]

@@norsejohn7248 Oh, you're one of THOSE...

[@Owlero]

"Ok how bout this? How bout this?? I'm stoked right now!" _sounds of disgust_

[@fredleeland2464]

*N O W ?*

[@dianas6800]

Duncan, your stoked?

[@notIogan]

@@dianas6800 im getting even more stoked cus im on tv! right? fuck yeah man!

[@acpropulsion6191]

“I’ve never been so afraid in my life!”

[@gameofpwns1165]

@@dianas6800 Her palpable dismay in that line delivery was so on point lol

[@planetary109]

New study shows that teens suffering from depression also have severe stoke deficiencies. Low levels of stoke increase depressive symptoms. Psychologists are experimenting with methods to increase the stoke levels in patients such as showing their patients a four clover that they swear they found in their backyard, giving them $5 milkshakes, and even inviting them to go snowboarding.

[@bravetherainbow]

oh my god I think I'm gonna cry my eyes out now

[@duhcohtuh1500]

bravetherainbow Dude, dude, try these nachos

[@rudydsouza7432]

Physchologists aren't the only ones who are partaking in the attempted increase of stoke levels, a small, isolated school in florida is experiencing some very real levels of stoke deffiecency. Local freshmen Trent says "yeah, its kinda a bummer. Schools just kinda sucks ass" schools have been having an influx of so-called "pizza days" at an attempt to up dopamine levels and therefore, increase the chances of stoke-related activities. The pupils however, are not reaping the benifit, mainly because there has been reports of the pizza "tasting like some fat guy had eaten it already, and vomited it back onto there plate". Many members of the parential commitee are heavily against this encouraging of stoke behaviour. Students however, are not having it, calling there attitudes 'wack-ass' and 'fucking buzzkills'

[@georgesears934]

Did you just order a $5 shake?... That's a shake. That's milk and ice cream. That's $5. You don't put bourbon in it or nothing?

[@Kehwanna]

Sources? I am writing my dissertation on this matter.

[@RidersofRiversmeet]

I ride BMX and get stoked on the regular. Doctors say that if I continue this reckless behaviour I could die within 75 years. Getting stoked is dangerous, kids, it's put my life on the line.

[@magicmanscott40k]

Nice

[@MorticiaObscurum]

This video is so tight.

[@coltonogden1513]

Dani K Yeah I was so stoked

[@deadcelebrity]

Fucking yes! Fucking yes!

[@willbo6530]

Toight

[@richardwilliamjohnson8566]

Yo

[@kingkotatv]

right when she said so tight I read this

[@Mandolatron]

This is the Onions best effort ever.

[@xgullafter9590]

You're massively underrating the onion then

[@marcdugas1710]

@@xgullafter9590 No way.

[@galaxytraveler5779]

Price of barrel hits $52 a barrel.

[@Owlero]

I remember when you could get 10 barrels of barrel for just a dollar.

[@matt5496]

That's Rich.

[@CrazyRiverOtter]

Just checked ebay. Glad they've gone down a bit since then

[@davidleshchiner5351]

GalaxyTraveler price of barrel is now negative haha

[@ggcfgv2413]

I remember the times where oil companies would pay you for taking the oil from them

[@poopsalad9575]

I used to get to get stoked all day with my friends. Then I met my girlfriend and she got me going down a different path. And I haven't gotten stoked since.

[@StandardGoose]

You still live large and get weirded out from time to time though, right?

[@yeahright6048]

Good for you man!

[@blcklstd6156]

Come back, man.

[@Tyronejizz]

We'd be stoked if you became your old self. We miss you...

[@akimjocelyn4387]

thats so inspiring

[@peppa_pig_]

the old guy is the best actor

[@quantumleap4023]

What about the milf?

[@CaptPicard81]

I feel like his character in this skit much of the time

[@heinoobermeyer7566]

Like #420, guess you could say I am stoked

[@mankytoes]

I love how genuinely angry he is to be told he'd be just as stoked at finding a sweater

[@BlastinRope]

The quasi-senile old black woman is my favorite - her confused outbursts are enlightening.

[@noahlankford1]

I remember back when I thought getting stoked was harmless, next thing I knew I was getting totally pumped and even hyped as shit dude. I wish I could undo the actions of my life, but my life is just too totally fucking hella rad now.

[@quantumleap4023]

That's badass man. My condolences.

[@timopper5488]

Grimeslave Would you please give us an update on your life? I hope that you’re back down to healthy sub-stoked levels.

[@fobbitoperator3620]

Righteous, BRAH!!!

[@Punkini]

Ive been getting stoked regularly lately, and im really hoping for any advice to stop! None of the stoke replacements work for me, i just get stoked right after about finding my favorite pair of pants that id lost or seeing a dope ass movie.

[@vitohezzycallie8579]

@@Punkini damn hope you enjoy being rad dude

[@dvdjkaufmn]

"Im on TV! Fuck yeah man!" LOL

[@magicmanscott40k]

Best part of the video

[@LordThanatosOfHades]

They should just legalize stoking already, Duncan is right.

[@DanielDragan]

Hey, pass the stoke to the right

[@timopper5488]

Gatekeeper Thanatos I don’t care what you say, getting stoked will always be wrong.

[@adampyci8311]

I'm only for legalising medicinal stoking.

[@cruisingscenesandtakingbea4197]

This is like a time capsule from my college years. Even used the words "stoked" and "rad". Id be so stoked if i could be young again, it'd be rad as fuck.

[@dukewild5071]

As a person currently young, I gotta tell ya man it just ain't as rad as it used to be. Like, this is how it is now, man. The peeps get stoked about things that are simple as what used to be "that's aight" and "it's chill" The krew be totally stoked about anything that just ain't a buzz kill these days and it just brings me low to see my homies settling with this sorta thing. We don't get stoked about the things that we used to be stoked out about. I can't even remember the last time we all got psyched up together... feels like things are going down the shitter imo

[@RinkoDinko]

@@dukewild5071cosign, it is indeed so fucking over

[@aaaaallie]

My favorite part about this series is that Duncan is always the author of a book related to the argument “Always Get Pepperoni On Your ‘Za And Other Life Lessons” this is gold

[@Psilomuscimol]

I ruined your 69 likes

[@artmoss6889]

In my day, we just got "fired up." I tried getting stoked once, but it was so strong I had to sit down and watch "Love Boat."

[@mattcunningham9235]

Actually being stoked has been around for a very long time. Its an old surfer term it actually refers to being excited about good waves at the beach specifically

[@fobbitoperator3620]

No man, just...fucking no. You need to keep your mind open, & shit brah. Replace Love Boat with movies about Vikings, Samurai Warriors, or go to a gaw'damn gun range & shoot all kinds of shit up! (not people, unless it's absolutely imperative for safety, or whatever the fuck)

[@lucindabreeding]

But did you get weirded out?

[@artmoss6889]

@@lucindabreeding Only in a safe space with people I trusted. Of course, back then "weirded out" was called, "ain't that a head scratcher."

[@iancarter636]

Bro why you gotta do that hes just making a joke and its getting me pretty stoked

[@guytorie]

I can't believe it took more than a whole entire decade since this video came out, but in January of 2020, it finally became legal to get stoked in my state. Now, I can finally laugh at this video without it being a crime.

[@timopper5488]

Shoelace Kink Getting stoked is still a federal crime, and the Internet is not the place to admit you’ve been stoked. I’m calling the Federal Marshals.

[@timswabb]

@@timopper5488 Maybe he has a medical prescription.

[@zonesquestiloveunderworld]

Ain't nobody gettin' stoked on my watch, nosirree, you best do that stokin' some'ere else, ya hear? We don't like no stokers round these here parts.

[@divided_eye]

too funny lol. he remained stoked for 52 hours

[@dinoflame9696]

+rreeddppeenn Rad-ass hoodie :D

[@Dolzadolza]

That was a frightening story

[@mr.butterworth4216]

Meanwhile the price of barrel hit 52 dollars per barrel. Coincidence? I think not.

[@timopper5488]

rreeddppeenn You wouldn’t be laughing if you were stoked for 52 hours.

[@LiquidArmProduction]

This is why I do depressent drugs to keep me from getting stoked

[@p1nkfreud]

LiquidArmProduction Indeed, I have a rare medical condition which makes me hyper-stokable, I require heroic doses of benzodiazepines and barbiturates to prevent perpetual stokitude.

[@TomFromYoutube]

Pink Droid hey man you had any stoke attacks lately?

[@ionadavies1295]

Finally somebody I can relate to. I’ve been dealing with my condition for almost my whole life. The depressants have helped me lose my extra Stokeatude, and I can now get out of bed every day and not constantly feel stoked about what’s to come. Doubt is new to me, but I’m coping well compared to others. I’m so glad the onion is raising awareness of this.

[@MrCrashDavi]

+

[@quietreason9667]

CrashDavi is 😇

[@markcallaway754]

Where my fuckin' homies at? LOOOOOOOL

[@scene2much]

I'm stoked that the Algorithm only waited 11 years to dish me this rad vibe.

[@caricatureparty]

I can't hear the word "stoked" without thinking of this video.

[@NotAnIlluminatiSpy]

He raises a good point, Where are his homies? Does anybody know? Why isn't the MSM looking into this?

[@timopper5488]

Not an Illuminati spy Because they just don’t care. Only The Onion would take the time to look into where his homies are, but they all ended up getting way too stoked to care.

[@alexdalex3582]

Everyone is always asking "where my homies," nobody ever asks "how my homies."

[@mirvha714]

8 months have gone by and the homies haven't been located. They may have been forgotten amongst all the stoke.

[@fobbitoperator3620]

*fuck'n homies

[@fobbitoperator3620]

@@mirvha714 or bacome accountants...

[@OMGmyFACE]

My god, the older guy is fucking hilarious.

[@blakejhonshen2710]

"And now he's dead!" "What?" "Well, I assume he is" - best line in the whole skit imo

[@hippojuice23]

People don't want to be told how 'tight' things are over and over! Lol!

[@marcushendriksen8415]

'Tight!Tight!Tight!Tight!" - Tuco Salamanca

[@quantumleap4023]

@@marcushendriksen8415 lol

[@gojira12345678910]

"Nancy, dont hate man!" "I'm just telling you how it is fool!" "And I'm getting more stoked because I'm on TV! Right? FUCK YEAH!" Thats freaking great. Definitely one of the best Onions I've seen.

[@jeffyboyreloaded]

"Well I assume he is" 😂

[@howiegruwitz3173]

RIP MIRRA

[@IdiotandOpinion]

“It’s dangerous and annoying!!” Best description ever.

[@topraman519]

This is like a double satire, making fun of college "bro" attitude and the marijuana debate at the same time. Keep it up, The Onion!

[@aidanreed6610]

Nancy, don't hate Man!

[@pungoblin9377]

“He was stoked his entire career” “And now he’s dead!” “Oh?” “Well, I assume he is” *every news outlet in a nutshell*

[@MrCrashDavi]

+

[@reecealeck8314]

“Price of barrel hits $52 a barrel” lol 😂

[@MrLoobu]

"student still stoked after recovering rad-ass hoodie" -YES!

[@augustp7543]

Truly an epidemic. I remember in the height of my addiction i got stoked at least once a day, maybe more. Luckily a friend gave me an intervention and i learned the importance of taking a fucking chill pill every once in a while.

[@dukewild5071]

I can relate to you, dawg. Just before Christmas '22 I was getting stoked all the time and I would make strangers feel stoked whenever I got the chance.. it got to the point that the ones closest to me just weren't getting stoked anymore and we're just tryna live straight n told me that shits just getting too real to be stoking out and I didn't like hearing it. But the thing is that they just were too stressed out all the time to see any light and although I did learn the hard way that I gotta chill the fuck out with it, it happened as a result of my loved ones just bringing me down like I wasn't still keeping it real or sumn. Cuz I've always been about helping people just keep it real n take it E.Z. I learned that to take it easy, you gotta take it, dawg. That's the realest shit I know. Do no harm but take no shit

[@jacobburgess8841]

I might just bring back stoked 2020, haven’t heard the term in ages

[@annonymeandfish]

That would be streets ahead

[@Jrockten]

I need to get stoked, I’m suffering from severe stokamine deficiency.

[@Pookabee]

Amen brother

[@blcklstd6156]

I’m a man in my mid 20’s, and I’ll admit I get stoked about 3 times a day.

[@timopper5488]

Yuck.

[@brennam954]

_clutches pearls_

[@MrCrashDavi]

+

[@_valor]

Appalling,,,,,,

[@EzEcHiEl1121]

High five!

[@paulmaher7683]

Play me out shorty

[@ryanjones7681]

2019 and still loving old onions

[@AmberAmber]

And in 2020 I'm stoked as fuck over old onions!!

[@rahe2141]

2021 and im fucking stoked that I can go outside without a mask again!

[@aza091234]

Where did this kind of stuff go from the onion? It's hilarious!

[@Jake_Quinten]

This was made 12 years ago and it's still a masterpiece..How the FUCK can we get more like this??

[@DarrenJohn10X]

2010 was The Golden Age for The Onion. Enjoy the binge, everybody!

[@aidanmartinez7263]

These old onion videos have me so stoked

[@MrYokokurama1]

fucking yes fucking yes fucking yes

[@sudhirpatel7620]

I choose ONION news over MSNBC and FOX news any day. 😂😂😂

[@marsneedstowels]

r/englightenedcentrism

[@LacksTalent]

"Dude, dude, try these nachos." Pissed my pantaloons.

[@simonjeste]

without a doubt, THIS is the best "In the Know" EVER. Not just with Duncan sporting a beard, and of course being so effin STOKED, but right down to the way the other panelists react to him, and even the intro as to WHY Clifford is absent... 10/10!

[@ElectricAlien577]

When I was 12, I woke up to my parents telling me we were going to an amusement park for the day. I got so stoked, I ended up having seizure. Ive never felt normal since. Ive been in a totally rad state of perpetual stokedness for the last 13 years. I wake up and im stoked. I go to bed and im stoked. Some nights I have to stoke myself to sleep. You think its FUN to get stoked? You think its harmless to realize just how like totally kick ass something is? Well let me tell you. Its not harmless. It ruined my life. And that's like the coolest thing ever . Holy crap that's awesome. Dude.

[@rexxbailey2764]

MAN YOU JUS STOKED ! 😒

[@dukewild5071]

I know exactly what you mean when you say that everything is actually fucken kick-ass, bro. Thing about feeling totally psyched about everything is that once you get a buzz kill it makes all that stuff that was excellent just look so low, y'know? That's the real cost about not being careful about getting totally stoked

[@krismckenzie3205]

"It's dangerous and annoying!"

[@KingDodongo1]

"And now he's dead!" "He is? Oh my God!" "Well I assume he is..."

[@tombombadillo1]

Man, the price of Barrels have been through the roof lately

[@darexinfinity]

Better stoked than depressed.

[@opinionday0079]

for anyone who is to stoked just get married ...that will stop it.

[@FGuilt]

I'm so stoked about this episode.

[@robologo]

Thank goodness that I haven't heard anyone getting stoked in years

[@nabaahsan1701]

dude dude try these nachos haahahhaahhahahahaha

[@Head318Hunter]

1:25 "I WOULD ABSOLUTELY NOT BE THAT".

[@MaeLSTRoM1997]

Wait a second, that's the google person in college humor videos!!

[@almadrigal212]

2:14 “now?” That look of disgust. Lmao!!!

[@AmberAmber]

🤣🤣🤣💗

[@fn0va]

the onion needs a crazy budget again

[@Iamjustherek]

I love these, I wish the Onion would keep making these

[@ReaperKezia]

Who's on that Onion grind currently tho?

[@oliversmith9737]

everyone here. let's be real, nobody watches just one or two or ten onion videos.

[@gabi.garcez]

I first watched this when I was 17 and I was so stoked about this. Miss those days of getting stoked about things.

[@dhill92]

"IT'S DANGEROUS AND ANNOYING"

[@Philmoscowitz]

This is one of the funniest things on the internet!

[@ljfleming9655]

This video got me so stoked

[@HoryShiitMan]

disgusting

[@timopper5488]

I hope you have the decency to keep that information from your parents.

[@Danfrombackhome]

Fucking yes fucking yes

[@Deadjuice360]

I'm dead serious, that "sweet tattoo" was hot.

[@bunkbeds3001]

No you're dead JUICE.

[@Deadjuice360]

garrett robertson That's just what I wanted you to think.

[@tlester4130]

Truly a timeless piece.

[@bitcoinzoomer9994]

Getting stoked is old school now. Wow.

[@Curtis.Carpenter]

nancy: "ive never been so afraid in my life!!!"

[@yodellikeyoumeanit09]

"and now he's dead..! Well I assume he is!" Totally using that line in real life

[@heroslippy6666]

DUDE im so STOKED like F YEAH these old ONion videos are TOTALY WICKED SICK

[@aonedaydeals3924]

2021 and this video is legitness to the max, hella stoked bruh

[@floftyAl]

"AND NOW HES DEAD!" "oh my god, wow" "he is?" "well i assume he is" hahahah

[@Rkenichi]

The old guy is hilarious "fucking yes fucking yes fucking yes" hahaha

[@nagupak]

Keep coming back to this... Just so damn good!

[@porkch0mp538]

I got stoked when the lady yelled 'And now he's Ded!' '..well i assume he is'

[@mikkovaan8636]

Basically how conversations between drug legalizers and prohibitionists.

[@sasquatch582]

"Fuck yea! We're my homies at!" XD

[@Perichron]

Okay, this is one of the best yet

[@spacey_ace_kid7504]

The dude with hs hands around his mouth going "Somebody call 911!" had me stoked.

[@odallard]

Thumbs up if you're still stoked in 2016, hahaha!

[@BarabusDantioch]

I iz stroked

[@culture4519]

Totally stoked in 2018 what’s up

[@iommic7981]

stoked in 18

[@DanielDragan]

@E I just got struck with stoakiness

[@temporality_]

Totally stoked in 2020 what's up

[@Aeroldoth3]

The real danger of kids getting stoked is they won't get off my lawn!

[@montablanc1]

"It's a sweet sun...." The defeat in his voice...

[@MrUglyDave]

I love how that escalated

[@timopper5488]

MrUglyDave If you think THAT escalated, then I suggest you take a trip from the first level to the second level at the mall.

[@potatoface4698]

2:10 legend has it he's still stoked 10 years later

[@HavanaSyndrome69]

And now he's dead! I mean I assume he is LOL

[@m2-x-n253]

man LOVE these actors, i hope theyre ALIVE and still this FUN.

[@JasonHalladay]

Going on eight years ago now and this video just keeps getting better and better. Solid mutha fuckin' gold.

[@Punkini]

Honestly sad that the onion didnt even talk about how often teenage women get stoked. I saw so many of my friends get stoked in highschool and college, one of my friends got so stoked once she couldnt even focus during finals. We need to talk about how bad it is for women too.

[@OptimusProvost]

“Dude dude try these nachos”

[@that_artsy_boy675]

"Your honor this is a direct violation of the constitush"

[@moszis]

"Price of barrels hits $52 per barrel." legendary