Respond, DON'T React When You're Triggered

[@gurudra]

When you react, you give away your power. When you respond, you are in control of yourself🙏

[@antonboludo8886]

That's right.

[@juliakristinamah]

truth

[@skyblueshaz6023]

You have to be armed with these tools though otherwise you'll fall in the trap like I did.

[@houseofmatrix6174]

Thank You

[@chrismcevoy2503]

You shouldn’t hurt someone else in order to feel better yourself.❤

[@admirbarucija2018]

Definitely best to respond from a state of calm once I’ve given the situation plenty of thought! Responding while angered/deeply upset tends to be a disaster

[@beautahmusungu8515]

I totally agree

[@antonboludo8886]

Very true.

[@juliakristinamah]

It's not always easy to do, but the result is always better when we manage to.

[@admirbarucija2018]

@@juliakristinamah Absolutely! Difficult to do consistently, but the payoff is huge

[@antonboludo8886]

@@admirbarucija2018 IKR

[@kurisuchiinu1206]

This is what I needed the most. I usually give in whenever someone insults me by the side, you know, just like you said, they're waiting for me to react. And when I react, they make fun of me! If I don't, they're really persistent to get my attention just to ruin my day, you know?

[@Lyrielonwind]

I know narcissists and that's what they love to do. Grey rocking is a great tool.

[@GraceRay-b9m]

Just walk away. Give yourself some space. You need some distance from them. That's what I would do.

[@mymentorjane6705]

I really appreciate that you made the distinction between reflecting vs ruminating over a bad reaction. That is how I’m growing. I also acknowledge that even noticing I’ve been triggered , that I reacted out of the trigger rather than with my skills, and that the result wasn’t what I wanted. That is really HUGE and necessary before I can begin to master the skills.

[@mgtv5482]

Yes, yes! Just added "Reflection not rumination!" under my notes "respond vs react".

[@SweetandSassyRedhead]

My boss is my biggest trigger but so have certain bosses before her so it is not them, it is me. A few weeks ago she was being really negative and I felt myself dissociate and leave my body. Last week she called and I was calm not engaging in her criticism, rather answering questions and told I would take care of the task. Improvement!

[@stevecatanio8532]

Not to sound high and mighty but I'm surprised I'm not suicidal or an addict. I just don't believe in easy way out. But not saying I'm perfect. I still love my family and friends and yes my fellow man too in spite of their horrendous behavior in the past. I'm sure others mistreated them worse. And I'm certainly not a perfect human. Though I try to stay mentally strong.

[@mel1234513]

I love that you used loading the dishwasher as an example. Sometimes it's the little things like this that create huge problems in relationships, or in my mind.

[@juliakristinamah]

Absolutely. It's often so much more about the little things that we all experience on a regular basis.

[@mgtv5482]

@@juliakristinamah I realize that the argument ostensibly about the little dishwashing issue has NOTHING to do with the dishwashing but a MASSIVE ghost of an elephant in the room. Heck, if you threw out the dishwasher to 'resolve' the issue, the sink or soap would become the next 'BIG' issue.

[@drekeamohuang8727]

I got a friend complaining about his boss and company, I offered some advice, and he is ghosting me now. This video is right on time, I think I will just acknowledge that he has been trying to pass his negative energy to me, and move on without thinking about it. Thank you, Julia!

[@houseofmatrix6174]

I’m sorry to hear that I been through the same thing keep moving forward

[@NFSMAN50]

Truth, they want a reaction out of you, it gives them power and control over you!

[@LevelUpYourLife]

Such an important piece of wisdom. I used to be so bad at that I would always react when I felt triggered. I have since learned to calmly be aware of my feelings and excuse myself if necessary to deal with it in private. Helps SO much🙏 🙏

[@juliakristinamah]

Yes - so happy to hear it.

[@TheMeanGirlz]

@@juliakristinamah girl shu up. 🤰🏿💅🏽

[@ScottScorpioSunTarot]

Thanks so much for this video. I am a reactive Scorpio, but have learned to be reflective and responsive (most of the time), and I have such a much more happy and balanced life. This is such an important video. Great presentation and so needed for so many of us!!!

[@juliakristinamah]

Good for you for doing the work Scott and having it pay off.

[@chrismcevoy2503]

If someone criticized my body image Julia I would say to them “Oh gee I guess I won’t be making it to the cover of Sports Illustrated like you or some other magazine.

[@chrismcevoy2503]

You’re really an inspiration to me Julia.

[@PeterLarsenJr]

I have someone in my life, close relative, who projects his pain, his self-loathing, his overeating guilt all over me through victim behavior and veiled hatred toward sensible actions that I take. Whew! Your message Julia helped me know what’s going on. Thank you.

[@GraceRay-b9m]

Victim behavior and veiled hatred are very difficult to deal with because they are overt. And these people don't want all this in the open. It's not your responsibility to fix them. You just need to keep yourself safe. And yes, it is all the more problematic because that is coming from a close relative.

[@robhansford6487]

Watched this through twice now. I will remember to ‘take a breath’ before reacting or beating myself up when I get triggered and to view the words spoken to me in a more detached manner as opposed to going off on one and getting hurt as I am prone to be doing! Very insightful and helpful as always so thank you Julia.

[@lesliengo8347]

Once my father did not like one of my choices in life and as he was driving me for volunteering he complained and argued why I shouldn't do this and I should focus on something else. He was angry and is placing blame on me. However, I took many deep breathes, remain silent, and not engage with the argument. I can tell I am not escalating the situation. When my volunteering is over my dad called and he apologized. Although he couldn't handle his emotions well, by not reacting it gives him no choice but to back down. Couldn't say that for my mom though, but at least one member of the family is becoming more emotionally resilient, which means my knowledge could be passed around. This is very helpful Julia

[@jsensefi]

Understand your situation perfectly. And glad for you 🙏 Trying the same, baby steps success...

[@mgtv5482]

Good for you!

[@victoriastallard]

Thank you Julia I have such a hard time with reacting rather than responding & it's so hard, upsetting, frustrating, very depressing & makes me more anxiety filled when I get triggered & react rather than responding especially when I know these steps & don't practice or use them like I should so I took notes on this video & intend to use these steps plus practice them much more

[@robhansford6487]

Taking notes from the video, that’s a good idea. I’m going to start doing that. Thanks Victoria - All the best

[@HowdySunshine]

Hi Victoria. I’m crying reading your message because I’m struggling with this really bad too. My anxiety is crippling me and I just want to quit feeling controlled by others and better react and control myself. Thank you for sharing and i hope your doing well

[@sekoudiarra8750]

Most of growing up, I hardly say anything back when people hurt me with words, but sometimes throughout teen years, I snap at others to show them not to mess with me. It’s hard not to get upset and hold on to it. All I want is peace

[@GraceRay-b9m]

I did the same thing when I was young. But we all need to learn to handle these people better. I find Dr. Julie, a great help. And yes, like you, all I want is peace, most of all, in myself.

[@oshelewis2890]

This was so helpful! Thank you for this! It was so helpful for me personally and for my clients. I LOVE how real you are and how personable you are.

[@ellekay852]

SO SO helpful. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for this video. Thanks so much!

[@alisiajennings861]

When stress gets overwhelming, I feel like I'm losing my mind and that scared me. But now I'm beginning to understand that I'm not going to go insane, I just need to go to my calm place and breathe. Thankyou for helping me see this.

[@keniaportillo7339]

currently thinking this as well. !

[@HowdySunshine]

Thank you for sharing I don’t feel so alone now

[@MissDoreen]

Julia thank you 😊 I just ended my membership you do finances. I wanted to thank you so much. For me being in the Shift Society has made such a huge difference in the way that I think now 😊 you may never know what a difference you made in my life! Thank you so much Julia ❤🙏

[@juliakristinamah]

We loved having you and I'm so glad you got so much out of The Shift Society. Thanks for being a Shifter Doreen ❤️

[@erictubero]

Spot on! the contents are more than substantial enough to guide us where to start in the daily battles we encounter that would certainly equip us to face head-on the challenges that life has in store for us. 🙏🏽

[@juliakristinamah]

Glad it connected with you

[@MiaChase555]

Always so grateful when your videos display when I am just searching for uplifting things to watch. Words are just words with letters. How I needed to hear that, the emotions that I have given to words in the past is just exhausting. Currently, so much better. I always appreciated finding your videos. Thankful for all you do here because it feels like a charge of power to the mind and body. Thank you.

[@candaceharris3675]

Best advice I've ever heard. Thank you so much

[@kathyn3875]

I like the thought process of why am I letting the comments or reactions mean. That really is the foundation to help stop being triggered because it helps me shift my focus away from my emotional reaction and instead think about it. I realize it will take time to embrace because my emotional reaction reacts like my knee when the doctor hits it with the little hammer. It is currently my habitual reflex.

[@agi5522]

something that has helped me a lot in processing triggers and past trauma is reminding myself of a thing that I call "The Element of Surrender" (lol). For an example.. lets say someone who is attractive calls you ugly or someone successful calls you "unsuccessful" or w/e that is and this triggers and hurts you. You would just take all of it in, this person who is "better" than you (in your mind you might think so) just critizised me and I know they're right and they hurt me ("they got me"), just take all of it in and accept it. No avoiding, deflecting, saying/thinking stuff like "well they're a bad person for doing that so I'm better than them blah blah". Easier said than done, but this is part of how I process through pain and frustration etc. Take it in, accept it and have a cry. This is not about accepting someone's shitty behaviour, we have boundaries to deal with that. It's about reminding yourself to not resist and fight pain because that only builds up the trauma and creates deeper wounds.

[@catlady6938]

Thank you for this just what I needed to hear today. I do find it best to ignore someone who is trying to get a reaction out of you, just distance myself and go off and enjoy the peace, not always easy to do I must admit, but your tips are very helpful.

[@czr7847]

I totally appreciate the breakdown of the process for this... I wish that I was a perfect human and can respond with grace when it comes to this. I find that it's hard to pause and respond when you're so activated by whatever the other person said. I am practicing this, but it's so hard to react like this consistently. Thank you for your amazing content.

[@juliakristinamah]

Don't worry, I'm not 100% consistent with it either. We do our best and forgive ourselves for the rest.

[@chrismcevoy2503]

I have this problem with my brother Bryant Julia.

[@jsensefi]

Thank yo🙏 Glad that I found your channel. Have a peaceful week 💖

[@karenlivingston390]

Thank you so much for the great advice and I am now learning how to handle stressful situations.

[@babylovewilliams6918]

I've been dealing with such a toxic work place for 5 years. There are good days, when I don't let people get to me, and there are bad days, that everything gets to me. I play it off like nothing bothers me so they don't think they've gotten to me. It's getting harder every day to put on my game face. I've gone to my boss, who agrees these people are bullies, but doesn't do anything about it. I've gone to human resources and they will talk to them, and that's about it. I consider myself a very strong person, but I'm getting tired and run down. I literally watch your videos before work so I can learn coping skills just to get through my day, week, month. My question is why does it seem like the "mean" people seem to "win" so to speak, and the nice people get trampled on? Thank you for your videos, you bring alot of comfort in a uncomfortable world. You are wonderful!!

[@kirstenvzumba9246]

Sounds exactly like what I am going through at work!! Two toxic Negative Nancys who egg each other on, criticizing and complaining about everyone and everything! I actually cried at work today (in front of others) because I was so hurt and frustrated by one of these women. This message was EXACTLY what I needed today!!

[@babylovewilliams6918]

@@kirstenvzumba9246 I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this too. There is one thing I say to myself to help get me through. "Hurt people- hurt people ". Some people need the drama in their life or else they don't know how to function. If things were going smoothly and no drama, they wouldn't know what to do! I've noticed the people at my work, literally look for shit to drum up if things are going smoothly. But if you look at their lives outside of work, it's the same thing, DRAMA!!! Keep your head up, try not to let them steal your joy! You can do this!! Good luck!!

[@phyllisharries2742]

Julia, love the examples you use! So true and I can identify with every one! You cheer me up no end. Thank you.😍

[@juliakristinamah]

Your welcome. And your comment cheered me up, so thank YOU.

[@marieashby4937]

Just found your videos and I’m really enjoying them, thank you! Very helpful and practical tips

[@chrismcevoy2503]

If someone criticized my dishwasher loading strategy Julia I would just say to them okay call The Calgon Man and have him do it.

[@GraceRay-b9m]

Or tell the person who criticized you to do it himself since he must think he can do it so much better. We want to do it properly, right?

[@izawaniek2568]

Thank you Julia. I really needed to hear this! I like your attitude and good vibes! Thank you.

[@florican07]

Great professional advice. Thanks

[@MrsStepford]

Thank you for this video. I wish I had had this information about 20 years ago. Now I'm a work in progress 😀

[@dl5054]

😅 in my defense It was a rough night Julia. Nice work getting in my bubble and calling me out. Always good to hear from you.

[@carolynmiddleton3715]

Thank you. This is going to help me with some difficult people that I deal with at times when working in the retail business.

[@chrismcevoy2503]

I reacted Julia when I used to give my ex-friend Becky Keena advice when she would come to me with a problem and she didn’t take my advice when I gave it to her.

[@chrisdigitalartist]

I have been a Shifter for 20 months and I still never get tired learning this stuff - or in my case, having this reminder because this such a good and important topic! I am glad I started shifting from over thinking things and ruminating on unhelpful thoughts that may have been brought on by a trigger #SeniorShifter

[@nathanharris7815]

This helps me deal with the HOA. They used to cause me the worst anxiety

[@jmgpknight5637]

Many thanks for all this critical information. God bless you ! You are so generous, and we appreciate your help especially during this challenging season / pandemic.

[@mamabear5488]

Were here again! Thank you so much Julia💞

[@lttlod1]

This is helpful because I try not to react in anger. I think of Julia's advice often and try to respond instead. A good one I've heard from Julia is that it's not my business what someone thinks of me. That has been more helpful that you know Julia!!! This video is good timing because I responded to an email from my boss suggesting I wasn't doing my job the way she wanted me to within her unrealistic time frame. On top of that it was about something that would make HER look good. Insert eye roll. I sent her an email back letting her know that she needs to be patient with what she wants and that she could have what she wants however she created my crazy schedule and in essence created her own reality lol. I basically gave it all back to her on a platter but was professional about it. It's one of my most proud moments as an adult dealing with anger issues and my coworkers loved it to top it off : )

[@chrismcevoy2503]

I also wanted to tell my ex-friend Becky Keena “If you don’t want my help and advice here’s a quarter call a shrink.”

[@thenebraskan6977]

A big hello to JULIA from The Nebraskan. Thanks for the awesome video 😃👍

[@juliakristinamah]

You're welcome - great to have you here.

[@deeannkan7394]

Question? So if someone is yelling at you and implying you’re stupid in front of people? How do you react? What do you say? Or not say? Do you politely leave? Btw, this IS so true what you are saying and I don’t know what I would do without this channel sometimes? ☺️ No seriously! Thank you 😊

[@timothystone7104]

I don’t know how to explain it,but it’s a special problem I got,and I am gonna figure something out.Thnx Mrs Julia

[@SarahsAtticOfTreasures]

All to true. New here. Thank you, Julia.

[@happygoluckystar8069]

Hi Julia 🤗 thanks for that! Very helpful and useful 🙏 thank you 😘😘

[@jenniferpicard7550]

I love that I'm not available for this You're awesome I just came caught you on KZbin You gave me a lot of good pointers and You know how much this IS gonna impact my LIFE AS. A WHOLE ,AN AT SO MANY LEVELS FOR THEBETTER Better and you keep on

[@Sallyhomesteader]

More reflecting, less ruminating (which I did basically all day today).

[@JDMUWFGIS]

Such a great message. Thanks Julia.

[@evamussio7533]

I needed to hear this so much ❤😊

[@LadyBug3178]

Great video! This kind of information needs to be taught and reinforced at every grade level for kids.

[@AntonShr3d]

Very helpful! 🙏🙏🙏 thank you for what you are doing! 👍 new subscriber, love the content! ❤️

[@chrislawson1988]

Love these videos. Thank you. I do a lot of this. Trying to change.

[@ReneeHappyStudio]

I usually realize I'm reacting after the fact.

[@daisyrowaro44]

Great video appreciated so much hearing and learning the content.

[@jilldickson4352]

My daughter is highly critical of me but will either ignore any further words I attempt to exchange. Or storm out the door in an abundance of tears. I still love her.

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

How old is she?

[@navigovender3949]

Very interesting, very deep. Really makes me think bout how I react/respond.

[@thejovanaa]

It’s so interesting. I noticed about myself how some comments don’t upset me but others I can’t manage as well and it’s just about what I think about myself. I don’t think I am “fat” so if someone says- you’re fat, I’d laugh it off. But when it comes to some of my insecurities, it’s a little more challenging to rationalize.

[@johndolan5923]

Spot on! Thank you!

[@Whatworksthisworks]

Thank you so much for this 😍😍😍

[@Heiligenbeil]

Thank you Julia, this video came right on time!

[@rachelmoore5079]

This was excellent. Great advice thank you 🙏💖

[@chrismcevoy2503]

Hello Julia!

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

Can you please do a video on the flip side? Where your critical and judgemental thinking is creating relationship problems because your either verbal and/or nonverbal expression is off-putting to others? It may be helpful to those that want to be less reactive. It would be good to understand so that you can be more effective. Great video. Thank you.

[@skyblueshaz6023]

I wish we had this advice back in Christmas 2019. My human brain has been replaying the screen over & over for two years as I believe I could have handled it better. The consequences of the argument which we were pulled into is causing us grief even today because of the division. If we had these skills you have suggested here Julia and we didn't get caught up in his web, I believe the outcome would have been different but we'd still have to be on our gaurd with him because of His controlling personality. Unfortunately for us though there won't be a next time.

[@estalitavanschalkwyk2873]

Thx so much. I try to walk away and breath, I ask the person to please leave me alone for a minute and then they wont. I try to be kind, calm and solve it. Person does not hear me, even if I try to talk nicely. I feel devestated at the hurt some days

[@brittanyann869]

How do we justify that not being the “silent treatment” when we have chosen to not engage anymore. That is what I am being told is that I am a narcissist, I’m selfish and I give the silent treatment when I have said I don’t appreciate the tone used when you want to address something about me you don’t like. And they choose to get louder, I choose to disengage and walk away.

[@rulebreaker_xoii]

Responding is a reaction, regardless if you're triggered or not. You're responding with how you feel with words.

[@wzercher]

Awesome great tools to have to make life a joy

[@jamiewilliams8107]

A friend of mine tries to project her anger and frustation onto me but I never react as that would give her amunition.

[@foreverirregularlimited8875]

This is amazing advice. 💜

[@juliakristinamah]

Really glad it connected. Thanks for being here.

[@kingstropharia8011]

A big hello to you Julia from northern minnesota.This was a great podcast for me.For I have been struggling with this for a long time.Very helpfull information Hey Julia you have a good day, take care and lots of love to you.Till next time,later.

[@ginnytobey8270]

So helpful!!

[@carmelomendoza4045]

Hello I really need to learn how to manage negative painful thoughts my life depends on this thank you for being so amazing 🙏🙏🙏

[@carolynjohnsondike5953]

Great video. Helps me! 🤗

[@tommills6123]

Julia….. with practice, what is a typical timeframe to “ hear their words” and process, then respond? I know there are a lot of “depends”. So with practice almost immediate or x seconds to “stop, challenge then choose”?

[@juliakristinamah]

it's definitely easier then it's through email or text so you can take more time to process, but when face to face, I recommend taking a few deep breaths and not saying anything until you've had a couple of minutes to process. If appropriate, you can even say "I just need a minute"

[@lylahboling6383]

Thank you Julia I appreciate your help and your helps

[@jenniferulloa4955]

I really love your videos! Thank you for sharing your wisdom and talents with us. Every so often your voice sounds like Helen Hunt to me, not sure if you've ever been told that before haha

[@chrismcevoy2503]

My mother always comments on my weight Julia.

[@thenebraskan6977]

Hello again JULIA , have a wonderful day!

[@chrismcevoy2503]

It really bothers me Julia when my brother comes into my bedroom and messes up my belongings on my dresser and anywhere else in my bedroom.

[@Rboling4199]

Julia do you have a video on dealing with insecurities? I’d love some help with that if you haven’t already! Love your channel, Rick

[@robertpicobancroft3869]

Hello, great advice

[@marquisstarks9471]

Thanks Julia!

[@erinboston3429]

I'm about to take a break from my extremely toxic relationship with my mother. I am about to be all up in these videos I need everything you have to offer help wise

[@Paulbartoszek]

Great information thank you

[@Siparty52]

@julia are you stalking my personal like? Lmao. Thanks for these Beautiful awarenesses. I'm humble to have you as a support and pillar on my journey. Keep up your amazing work.

[@marybartasis6854]

Thank you so much!!

[@Rls1020]

Yes, I think sometimes you have to challenge such accusations that people throw at you to make you feel guilty, etc.-particularly when they are completely groundless. I try to think "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining!!!"

[@peopleunite3605]

Do not go within. Go outside, yourself to environment to What catches my eye? Therapy is wrong about going within. Trauma can end. Organic Intelligence.

[@delrosario7453]

Always on point 🥰

[@MM-yt4dm]

Awesome thanks

[@jasond626]

Good timing for me too watch this video. Is there like a bullet point thing to follow.. I just get lost a bit with all the info.. Thanks