How Victorian Men Were Supposed To Treat A Lady

[@niriop]

“NEVER turn your bum to her!” But it’s the money-maker…

[@supergamergrill7734]

I know, that's like my 3rd best feature.

[@jackpavlik563]

If you turn it and shake it, that’s acceptable…

[@averyshinyrock9989]

Maybe just a little tease...

[@Acs2004]

​@@supergamergrill7734what's the first and second?

[@OrNaurItsKat]

Maybe this is the best advice because I literally fell and broke my leg and tore my ACL trying to sneak up on my boyfriend to slap his booty

[@Lightice1]

Related to this, Victorian maidservants had to stop what they were doing and leave the room if the man of the house entered. The reason for this was that it was extremely impolite for a gentleman not to help a woman with her tasks, but it was also entirely beneath a gentleman to help a servant with their duties. To eliminate the contradiction, the servant had to leave the situation altogether.

[@Amadis691]

Good Lord. The baby with the bathwater.

[@cannibalbananas]

Wouldn't this lead to some men taking advantage of being alone w/ a woman? 😟

[@Jaxck77]

More importantly that stops wandering hands

[@sweetsandcharades8383]

@@cannibalbananasWouldn’t the maid leaving solve the risk of that?

[@Manuel1995BEL]

​@cannibalbananas the maid/woman leaves... so your argument doesn't make sense

[@sparklefairykitten]

I found an old etiquette book in my grandmother's house that said, among other things, that its inappropriate to smoke in someone's hospital room "unless the patient is also smoking"

[@Post_the_most]

Thats progressive for back then

[@chriswalton4955]

Have you seen mad men?

[@chriswalton4955]

Have you seen mad men?

[@kamakita8698]

Still makes sense today 😁

[@krischimblo10]

Well duh

[@blinddeadmcjones5255]

Walking in the direction of someone you want to talk to instead of stopping them is a great idea

[@EmpressLizard81]

But super awkward when she's heading to meet up with an admirer.

[@ruekurei88]

Thought that was common sense tbh. Just seeing someone and stopping and talking with them seems counterproductive. Ask where they're going, walk with them, veer off when you it's your spot or keep walking for a while and veer off when it's more convenient.

[@blinddeadmcjones5255]

@@ruekurei88 common sense isn't that common

[@IrvineTheHunter]

​@@ruekurei88 Problem is it can seem invasive or stalkerish, standing is neutral but if your going to a doctor then they know where you get your checkups Of course it's different if you already were aware of each other.

[@seamusphelan228]

Today it can be called harassment or stalking by the confused woke entitled feminists.

[@friendoffrancis]

All those poor Victorian woman, hoping to see some bum but getting none

[@solsystem1342]

Well, nowhere in this did I see it said to avoid showing your bum to other ladies 😂

[@SiiriCressey]

​@@solsystem1342 What if they only wanted to see man-bum?

[@sandman6045]

Oh boy😂 ....poetic

[@the_real_hislordship]

Thank goodness for Instagram and thirst traps like LegDayDaddy 😁😁

[@Koozomec]

Tbf it was their rules. In my opinion, etiquette and social norms are more in control of women.

[@riskigost2759]

The walking in the same direction thing explains a lot about movies I've seen that take place during that time, always thought the women were either in a hurry or being rude lol

[@claireconolly8355]

Yup makes sense now

[@TheMongooseOfDoom]

I thought that one was common sense for anyone you want to talk to in the streets.

[@pvp6077]

​@@TheMongooseOfDoommost people just stop on the sidewalk and talk, they don't just suddenly change direction and follow people to wherever they happen to already be going. In modern times, that would be weird and a little stalkery if you don't have any business going to where they're going.

[@travcollier]

​​@@pvp6077nah, it's fine and still happens, but with less of the gender rule stuff. You see someone, say hi, and if you have time and want to continue the conversation, offer to walk with them. The assumption is that you've got time to chat, but they might be more busy. If they would rather not chat, it is easy enough for them to just say so or make up an excuse.

[@stephenlee5929]

@@travcollier Rather than offer to walk with, more ask permission to accompany them. The first suggest you are helping them in some way and as such they should be grateful or indebted, whilst asking permission allows a polite refusal.

[@davidb3662]

"Never turn your bum to a lady" makes perfect sense. Always point the barrel away from people, even when you're reasonably certain it isn't loaded.

[@lemin0u]

lmaoo

[@spiritmatter1553]

Underrated comment. Safety first!

[@hhattingh]

We were taught that when a lady entered a room the first time or left you got up from your chair. Irrespective of who she was or is to you.

[@simondeep]

For ladies, military superiors, priests, etc. definitely a sign of respect

[@AndorRadnai]

I make an effort to do it every time. At this point I feel incredibly wrong to just stay seated in that situation.

[@goldenhate6649]

I see the solution to this is to only have 3 rooms, a bathroom, a bedroom, and a living space lol

[@Unknownentityfeline]

I'm so glad you were taught that. I have always appreciated this gesture and I notice when it's not made. It really is a shame that we're gradually losing our manners, for the most part. I don't mean the signs of respect, like the one you mention in which fewer and fewer people have been educated, but even the very basic "please", "thank-you", and "you're welcome" seem to be disappearing altogether. I've even heard their use being discouraged! I didn't look to see who was saying it, my ears, poisoned by this idea were bad enough, I didn't want my eyes affected by the sight of someone who would say such things as, "Quit sayin' "please" all the time! I mean like, seriously, Quiddit!!!" "makes you like, needy and s***!!". and, "Just tell people what you want 'n-if they're old, 'n-they go "thank you", you go "no worries". And then, this person clarifies, and I swear, I could not make this up, "It's called manners, douchebag!!" ! That is one of the least offensive examples I've heard. The other examples include things I've either seen done or not in terms of bad or entirely missing manners! Please continue to endear us with your good manners! It's so rare to see that it's becoming a secret handshake of sorts distinguishing those who value respect and grace from those who wish to dissolve the foundations of civilization. It still matters to many of us to be treated as ladies and gentlemen!

[@lilithowl]

​@@UnknownentityfelineI hope this comment is a joke

[@zygmuntthecacaokakistocrat6589]

When visiting a prostitute (which a lot of them did), it was customary to recommend her to friends, as a form of gratuity.

[@MonerLaine]

oh my god, that is both hilariously tacky and gentlemany at the same time. Where can I read more of the customs of the time?

[@YesIlikebananasSo]

oh… 😭

[@blakksheep736]

HAHAHAHAHA

[@oneminuteofmyday]

There is something very wrong about that. lol

[@byronbellaem6122]

Wow! How generous of them to share in their joys and sorrows! Particularly the latter when they also share STD's! 🥳🤣🤪

[@RachelRhiarti]

Given the length of skirts, I hope the manual also made clear to ensure the cigar was fully extinguished?!

[@ragnkja]

Walking skirts (the most probable type of skirt to be worn in this situation) were typically ankle length rather than floor length, but extinguishing the cigar would be the wisest thing to do in any case.

[@richardhod2]

It's also the case that cigars go out very quickly without human assistance, whereas cigarettes are very deliberately designed not to self extinguish

[@bennybenicasa]

I would assume it would be tossed towards the street, away from the pavement.

[@lottevannoort1211]

It's so moist in London that would hardly be a problem. Most fires in the UK start with an already big starter, like a stove, an electric explosion, or a gas explosion

[@Menuki]

Not an issue, the piss in the streets would almost instantly extinguish the cigar

[@captainrail88]

I worked at a nonprofit thrift store and had one of these manuals come in. So I left it on the desk to read on my break. One of the other guys saw it and asked the boss if it was the new employee manual. The boss was so tired of their nonsense. So, he said yes in a serious tone.😂

[@AvatarPrimus]

In Mexico, "The Manual of Urbanity and Good Manners" popularly known as "Carreño's Manual" is still sold and is still in use, written by the Venezuelan ambassador Manuel Antonio Carreño in 1853. The book contains lessons and advice on how people should behave in public and private places, such as home, family, school and work, hygiene tips and etiquette.

[@Deedeevenice]

Is there a translation of this book available in English?

[@AvatarPrimus]

@@Deedeevenice I don´t think so, but there are some articles in English about its importance, for intance, one from The Leverhulme Trust, titled " Carreño’s Manual: manners, society, history" by Professor Patience Schell from the University of Aberdeen, you can google that title

[@clauuvm]

Yessss, I was raised with "de acuerdo al Manual de Carreño"...

[@Iceblows]

So far, I thought that the Manual de Carreño was just something people said from like a soap opera or something like that. My life has changed, thank you.

[@robertromanul2212]

The "having to walk with someone so you don't stall them if you simply want to chat" rule would honestly bring society to a higher level if it was considered and applied more vastly today

[@zenendrahhernz1371]

I can see that too but then the guy is becoming late at the expense and then he'd see where the lady is going. if we walked long enough he'd get some inkling of my personal info like where I like to eat or live, and that's not exactly info I'd be comfortable letting him see if we walked that long enough. The guy wouldn't care, best case scenario. Worst case scenario ain't worth continuing a polite conversation imo.

[@joebob4943]

​@@zenendrahhernz1371This rule was for a lady you know

[@joebob4943]

I'm fine with how it seemingly works now. Stop for a second, if you need to be somewhere... you say you need to be somewhere.

[@ericabassi7728]

It was to show you weren't picking up a prostitute

[@spongebobsquarepants9146]

K I have now started following women when I have talked to them … to be polite of course 😈😈

[@Gingersnap0]

My husband, born in 1979, started out a roadside walker when we first started dating, but I'm deaf in my left ear, which means anytime traffic was on the left, I had a hard time holding a conversation with him. Somewhere along the way we got it sorted that he's always on my right side now, but it was a habit he had to intentionally break.

[@daniellemhall1358]

He sounds like a sweetie

[@aceoline]

So Am I! It is a true uncomfortable tussle to keep them on the inside, so I can participate in a conversation. Most times we have to cross the street, because it is just so ingrained in them😂!

[@debbiemcpherson2426]

I'm deaf in my right and often have to force people to walk on my hearing side!

[@pglove]

Do you cross the street so he can be a gentleman, too?

[@Gingersnap0]

@@daniellemhall1358 He very much is. 21 years together & he's still my favorite person.

[@longschlongsilver7628]

"He said hello but didn't turn around and walk with me 😭"

[@gorilla_with_jetpack4102]

Grandpa taught me this: Open the door for everyone, especially your lady. If you're going into a pub, you enter first, every time. Why? You don't want your woman or friend getting hit in the face with a haymaker because you picked the wrong place for a beer.

[@reform-revolution]

plus she aint takin all the fun of a good bar fight that is one of life's little joys

[@TheRenegade...]

But what if other people are following the same rules? Who opens the door? Who enters first?

[@mothiiee]

​@@TheRenegade...stack yourselves like little cartoon kids trying to get in an r rated movie

[@stormsand9]

Welcome to the family Son

[@aluna3296]

@@TheRenegade... Some of my female friends experienced the problem: when they arrive first at a door, they hold it open for the person behind them. Sometimes men refuse to enter and a back-and-forth of "after you" happens

[@zamuy12479]

That second one is VERY reasonable, you're the one who wanted to talk, don't delay her

[@abloshow91]

Yeah but I think it applies when she stops you too. So you just walk with her until she's finished saying what she wants to say and then run back😂

[@javabeanz8549]

I remember seeing this done in movies, and I think that it was pretty normal practice until the early 1900's.

[@Very.not.gay.at.all.totally]

No

[@jodoodlyboi2963]

​@@Very.not.gay.at.all.totallywow such wise words. I'm moved

[@Very.not.gay.at.all.totally]

@@jodoodlyboi2963 good, better be into oncoming traffic

[@nathanlane3055]

I walk on the side closest to the road when I'm with my wife an kids. I didn't even notice I did it till my wife pointed it out, she said it was nice.

[@LegendStormcrow]

My wife fights for street side.

[@sammihaka2056]

It shows you were raised to be a gentleman. It's so rare to see a man under 40 yrs old who shields his lady by walking on the roadside.

[@majinjason]

I do too but it's not protect them from water. It's so I get hit first by a car, or push them out of the way. I know that I can't stop a car or react fast enough to save them. But my emotions demand I give myself every opportunity to try.

[@elizabethnovak4951]

I’m a mom and now a grandma and always walk on the street side to protect the little ones. MY mother’s nightmares included children being pushed in front of us in strollers and being thrown into the breach when we crossed the street. Once she told me that I could never un-hear it.

[@Ash.Crow.Goddess]

My husband does this automatically, too. No one had to tell him. Also, I'm a mom and I do it with my kids, as well.

[@AvatarPrimus]

My mother taught me since I was little that a gentleman always walks on the side of the sidewalk to prevent the women who accompanied me from being splashed by cars, open the door for ladies, give up the seat to pregnant women, men or women carrying babies or todlers in arms and old people, the order always is pregnant women, then older people, then any one else, my father taught me never raise a hand against a woman no matter what, and that a woman should be accompanied wherever she goes if she requests it even if it is outside of my plans, always accompany visitors to their car or the door and then come back inside the house, and always help with the house chores, even if I was tired, that and many other things they taught my brothers and me so that we would be not only men but also gentlemen much as possible, for which we are so grateful. Greetings from Mexico.

[@azlanadil3646]

“Never raise a hand against a woman” ok but what if she really asks for it? Like, you’re just walking in the street and she decks you for no reason asks for it.

[@rainpooper7088]

@azlanadil3646 The fact that your response to "Let's not hit women." is "But she could be like, totally asking for it!" should probably make you think, my dude. Besides, etiquette has never stopped men from beating the crap out of women who most definitely were not "asking for it" by being cartoonishly evil, only the law and consequences if the law is disrespected have.

[@azlanadil3646]

@@rainpooper7088 Yeah, if a woman hits me I'll hit back.

[@Jeff_Biden]

​@@azlanadil3646 if a woman is able to deck you, just run asap youre losing that fight

[@azlanadil3646]

@@Jeff_Biden Nice argument.

[@jackbartle8608]

🤵🏻‍♂️: “Good evening madam, how do you do? May I accompany you on your walk this fine evening?” *flicks lit cigar into what I thought was a puddle but it’s actually the highly flammable industrial runoff of one of the many factories that populates the London metropolitan area in the 19th century. I have now caused an unbelievably destructive fire 😂

[@simondeep]

That escalated quickly. Went from Romcom to Zoolander in seconds

[@ngotemna8875]

You're in luck: Most oily substances (including gasoline) won't burst into flames by flicking a cig into it. Not hot enough

[@ChickenChal]

@@ngotemna8875 Hello Vsauce

[@Xosidhe]

Only help a lady you don’t know into her carriage, but if you already know her, sip your tea and think “Good luck with that, Charlotte.”

[@nickm9102]

Pretty sure that PROPER MANNERS meant that if you knew the person you were escorting them to the carriage (walking them to their car).

[@Xosidhe]

@@nickm9102 That’s not what the etiquette expert said in the video. A gentleman would follow it to the letter. ☕️ 🫖

[@drvren030]

well don't think the line "good luck with that Charlotte" would be necessary to say if the rules were that clear and therefore the woman was already on her way to the chariot on her own anyway so

[@nickm9102]

@@Xosidhe Just because it wasn't specifically called out doesn't mean that it didn't happen. It was proper etiquette to bring your own pistol to a Dual and pay the Doctor in advance and that wasn't addressed either and this was one of many ways a man was to "uphold a Lady's honor"

[@hi-hi__]

good luck charlie??

[@kaamn1829]

throwing my juul in the nearest bush to show respect when the homie's shawty drops by

[@bubblingbubztheklown5902]

😂😂😂😂 very gentleman like of you !

[@uglysweatherlover5407]

😂 That cracked me up!

[@itschelseakay]

This made me laugh out loud 🤣

[@kaamn1829]

@@itschelseakay groovy 😊😊

[@missmaryjo4439]

respect 🤝

[@eliasbergmann20]

I never realised suburban working class Germans followed Victorian etiquette. I was taught this. No carriages or littering, of course, but otherwise, it applies.

[@spiritmatter1553]

Queen Victoria’s husband was German, so there’s the overlap.

[@chair2945]

The vampire from the 1800s thanks you for this.

[@roddo1955]

A great way to follow victims to their destination.

[@JayBaddAssCutler]

I was always taught to walk closest to the street so if a car veers off, it hits me, not my wife.

[@pluto3747]

Which wont really do as intended, as I don't think it'll hit any roadside person and miss the other, it'll probably hit both people

[@CynicalMournings]

​@@pluto3747Yes and no. If it's flat out pavement driving, then yes. Otherwise the streetside has a higher risk of being clipped by a random gutter hop.

[@cuteeater6983]

I was always taught it was the tallest person closest to the street, so cars could see the person better. 5'0 me is always on the inside >.

[@chloefyvieadams]

Weirdest logic ever.

[@Kingbimmy]

@@chloefyvieadamswhy is that weird? It may sound kinda outdated, but the idea is that men should be protecting their spouse in any situation possible. Obviously you don’t HAVE to, it’s 2023, do what you want, but some people just think it’s a nice gesture

[@pooroldnostradamus]

Roadside positioning is still pretty common, I reckon

[@TobiasTurkelton]

My hubby does this 😊 We're in our 40's.

[@Arbidarb]

It barely exists with millennials. I only think to do it on narrow sidewalls or busy roads, and many of the guys I know would think it's weird to do it at all.

[@CorbiniteVids]

​@@ArbidarbI mean it is weird for it to be a gender thing

[@Arbidarb]

@@CorbiniteVids Not really. It's natural for men to have a protective instinct towards women.

[@CorbiniteVids]

@@Arbidarb you cannot take something that is pushed so hard by culture and claim that it's just natural. It's completely illogical. If it was natural, we wouldn't need to be indoctrinated into it

[@rubywingo6030]

These are still things we were taught in my family growing up and I taught my children. Modernized to a degree but still held.

[@quailstudios]

Well, of course this all makes sense. I got all this knowledge from my dad and my grandfather who was born in 1877. This was all handed down from father to son. Doesn't everyone know these simple rules of etiquette even today?

[@spiritmatter1553]

Not when there’s no father in the home, apparently.

[@spooky6408]

The "walk next to the street" thing, my grandfather taught me that one, who knew a hispanic man was so well versed in victorian etiquette

[@DesertPunks]

That's really cool

[@db9631]

Yeah I was taught that too, and not to smoke in front of someone when having a conversation (unless they are also smoking).

[@johnbjones8825]

Same and it's something I'm teaching to my boys.

[@Turai12]

I'd never heard of it before. It's weird

[@michaelgelunas1113]

Ya, and you're supposed to open & hold doors, pull out her seat & push it back in & hold the umbrella over women, not just ladies. Idk about little girls, but I'd reckon it was probably a class distinction then, so now I'd say they count.

[@DocAcher]

The "walk next to the street so she doesn't get splashed" one makes sense because think about how hard it'd be to wash a big gown back in the day vs some trousers

[@omathitis8498]

Yes, but I'm pretty sure that washing the clothes is the last thing that comes to mind on the gentlemen's perspective.

[@craigkdillon]

Actually, the rule was the man was to walk on the side of greatest threat. Usually, it was the street. But, if walking by a construction site, for instance, then the man should walk on that side of the construction. In etiquette, one needs to understand the reason for the rule, to understand the exceptions.

[@chonkytemmi4652]

This is still kind of a thing, gentlemen are taught to walk close to the street because if a threat come her way, it’s easier to put yourself between her and the danger

[@tedgunther9557]

Call me old fashioned but I was raised to do this with women. Not because of splashes but more as a protective barrier between the woman and cars. I don’t know seems pretty silly in hindsight.

[@rwagingsloth9528]

​​@@tedgunther9557nah I'm only 28, still got taught this growing up. I've even had friends call each other out to do the same thing. Might still just be common courtesy Hopefully

[@devinjessup4804]

If I’m at an establishment and a friend gets up to leave I will walk them out to their car to ensure they get home safe then re-enter the establishment. It’s just common courtesy.

[@pigeonlove]

I think the key phrase was "a lady that you don't know" not a friend

[@lunab541]

In modern times, it's the host who is expected to walk a guest out, not the other guest

[@ClipsFromMaine]

The carriage thing is sort of a non-issue at this point, but I do most of those other things for ladies… I don’t follow strangers out to their cars from dinners, unless they are carrying quite a few things and could use help. But yeah, what’s wrong with being chivalrous? And I never cared about getting splashed, I always walk on the outside of the sidewalk because of one of us is going to get clipped buy a car, it isn’t going to be her…

[@kunider9714]

I still walk closer to the street when i'm on the sidewalk, but not just when i'm with a lady. I do that with guys too. I protect everybody

[@SatumainenOlento]

💗💗💗 Very attractive trait on a man!

[@Eve.with.a.Y]

that’s lovely :) as a woman I always do this with my mother, and often with female friends too unless they seem to be consciously taking on that protective role themselves, in which case I’m happy to accept it. I just love how meaningful an unspoken gesture like that can be.

[@C-SD]

​@@Eve.with.a.Y I did this on autopilot when my kid was younger

[@T13GUY]

I don't know much bc I'm a lesbian but apparently women find traits like this really attractive if you're into women at all

[@professionalasexual172]

Same! Now the question is, if we walked together? Would we create an infinite energy source?

[@suztjembijawatson3362]

I remember my father would say that men should walk between a woman and the traffic to keep the lady safe. ❤ Love him so much. RIP father.

[@notconvincedgranny6573]

The other thing is that in some places, a woman on the street side is...for the streets.

[@gamerboiiiiiii]

My mamuel says alot of wemon are FOR the streets now, so, ... vroom vroom laides?

[@thefishwillbearmed7391]

My dad would always do that as well, but in the 20th century not 19th so I guess it's something that stuck and maybe passed down with the more gentlemanly of gents. ❤

[@Mostaism]

My great grandfather told me to always walk with the woman on the inside in case someone emptied their chamber pot out their top window so she wouldn't be covered in it

[@MaryAnnSweetAngel]

My mom did that when I was a kid 🥺

[@roseg1333]

All of these things are just gentlemen things to do. It shows your partner or woman your courting that you value and respect her as a lady. You respect her reputation and you respect her person ❤️

[@johnnk3256]

And women used to be actual ladies, and wanted to be wives. So, it won't fly today.

[@GrayC_2478]

​@@johnnk3256Some women today wanna be wives...

[@roseg1333]

@@johnnk3256 it’s much much harder to get married today it’s true people don’t value the things that are important anymore that just means you have to want it and fight for it all that much more.

[@Reno_Slim]

Just existing in Victorian Britain sounds exhausting.

[@artcafe2684]

The "never turn your bum to her" made me laugh.

[@_Just_Another_Guy]

How does one get into a carriage or cart without turning their bum towards the other people waiting to also get on? And those carriages are usually higher in elevation than the road so passengers have to do a "step up" motion.

[@choycejoyce4699]

I was thinking the same thing at first, but we may have misunderstood. I think if the lady gets on first or is already seated, a man joining her in the carriage should make sure not to turn the wrong way and point his butt at her?

[@oliversealey970]

I told my fiance "I guess I can't turn my bum to you" and she said "shit"

[@lenom1289]

​@@_Just_Another_GuyYou let the lady get in first.

[@AnthonyLeighDunstan]

Oh, and the starring contest with the one-eyed trouser snake isn’t unsettling enough?! 😂

[@zerdda]

My dad always walked on the street side. I can just picture him quietly crossing behind my mom to walk on that side of the sidewalk. I found it charming.

[@gustavoaraujopenha8463]

I always do that to my mon and lady friends, it's kind of a instinct

[@racheljolley26352]

My dear Dad always protected me whilst walking on the pavement by being on the outside, one of many kind things he did, God Bless him ❤️🙏🏻

[@x_violette_x7713]

My friend would always insist upon this whenever I walked with him. Never understood where it came from, but always found it very gentlemanly

[@nursenicole222]

My husband does this, opens my car door etc.,

[@nikiperez7992]

My husband does this too. I was shocked because I never even thought of it. Now I do it with my kids to keep them safe.

[@fosterhart2013]

I have an 1800s book Gems of Deportment ! There are some peculiar rules back then . It says men should walk closest to the street, not so much to protect her from horses but from the horses products laying everywhere in the streets . Men wore spats to protect themselves from their that product !

[@quailstudios]

You forgot, "Stuff not thy mouth so as to fill thy cheeks but be content with smaller bites."

[@hellzbelle229]

I'm American, and to this day, most of the older men in my life will not allow me to walk on the road side of the sidewalk if we're walking together. Even younger ones won't state it directly or insist on it, but the majority of the time, they still instinctively position themselves closest to the street. It's fascinating that this custom dates all the way back to the Victorian era!

[@demnbrown]

I've actually got into a fight over some shit like this I don't think anything of it I just walk where I walk and needless to say dude started running his mouth about how I'm a piece of shit for walking on the left side of the sidewalk instead of the right and other nonsense well long story short he lost at least two teeth that day

[@Discordia5]

​@@demnbrownYou sound nice...

[@yesatitsfinest]

@@demnbrowntop ten times nobody cared

[@AgrestisAnima]

​​​@@demnbrownSometimes they do it for protection. In case of a car, he get's hit instead of me. I don't care. Beating people for this nonsense is disgusting. You are a horrible person. Aber wie sagt man so schön: Wie man in den Wald hineinruft, so schallt es heraus.

[@vampyroteumint]

My mother always did that for me, she explained it as a safety thing for if any cars got too close to the sidewalk

[@clarysstoryboard3317]

I've actually adopted the "walk closer to the street" thing in regards to elderly people, children and families, especially when the sidewalk is narrow. Not because I specifically wanna protect them from getting splashed but because it's safer for them. Speaking from my own experience as a former toddler, kids will just suddenly start running places without warning and oftentimes, they don't care if a road lies in-between them and their destination or if their destination is in fact a road. Senior citizens don't the same reflexes and physical fitness I do anymore and I also think it's just a nice thing to try and keep people safe.

[@yolandaray6862]

Thank you for your kindness.

[@ArtOfShannonLee]

Yes! Also, if I’m crossing the road along with an elderly person, I walk more slowly, to keep pace with them, so that they don’t feel pressured to hurry across the road. I figure it’s safer to cross together than just them alone. I’m also taller than most older people, so I figure cars can see me more easily.

[@clarysstoryboard3317]

@@ArtOfShannonLee oh, yeah, this too! I expand the slow walking to young children as well because they dawdle sometimes and being a parent, especially to toddlers, babies and young children, is stressful af and parents get a lot of unnecessary shame and societal pressure already. If alleviating a miniscule bit of that pressure is possible at no cost to myself, it's worth it. Also totally agree with the visibility thing, especially now that the days are getting shorter and more gloomy again.

[@drvren030]

former toddler haha awww ❤️

[@bucketofsunshine6366]

I always walk on the road side with my kids. They're old enough not to run off, but figure if some jerk is driving badly, either I'm easier to see from being taller, or I'll be the one to get hit, which would suck but better me than them.

[@muddypalmsera]

More! I need to hear more! 😫 I shall subscribe, do not disappoint.

[@prairied0g]

A gentleman walks a lady's female visitor to her carriage because extending good graces to that lady's friend shows respect to the both of them. This is probably an instance where that man has to retain his social character.

[@uninvincibleete]

ok but can we bring back the 'if you want to talk with me you better walk, cuz you don't get to delay me' thing because i need it lol

[@Wisperride]

Sure. If you act like the ladys back than did. Dont expect to good things without giving in return.

[@Li_Tobler]

@@Wisperride Which shore exactly do you mean? Sea, lake?

[@Wisperride]

@@Li_Tobler Well that my second language. One of a couple. How many do you speak?

[@Li_Tobler]

@Wisperride Three :) I'd make sure my English is flawless however, before throwing around garbage takes like that. OP made an innocent joke and it's no place to lecture ALL women how they "should" behave to "deserve" decent treatment from you or anyone else. Who's to say OP doesn't do that already? I have sympathy for people still learning a new language, however my tolerance plummets when said language is used to spew utter nonsense 🤷

[@HappyMSI1]

​@@Li_ToblerSpeaking 3 languages doesn't seem to increase your intellect considering your attempts to denigrate someone's opinion on his foreign language's grammar.

[@obsessionmine]

For the ladies that meant that if you saw a man you knew in public and he was smoking you shouldn't approach him to say hi because etiquette would demand him to put it out

[@topherh5093]

hmmm great way to keep the nagging ladies away

[@leafheart3213]

Nah if the man wants to see you that’s when he power drags it looney toons style in a lung cancer speedrun

[@Mick_Ts_Chick]

Maybe all the women should talk to him. May add a few years to his life by cutting down on smoking.

[@bderrick4944]

@@Mick_Ts_ChickThe average male life expectancy in the Victorian era was 35-40 years old. People would randomly obtain an illness and then drop dead within a matter of days and there was nothing doctors could do about it back in those days. People knew about some of the health negatives of smoking back in those days, such as coughing and shortness of breath, but things like lung cancer meant nothing because most of them would never live long enough to see the long-term health effects of smoking. Back in those days, smoking and its risks were seen kind’ve like the modern day equivalent of flying on an airplane- of course we all know the risks, though we figure we’ll drop dead of something else long before a plane crash kills us. It wasn’t until the 1960s-70s that the benefits of medical technology advances could fully reveal the negative effects of smoking & the life expectancy was long enough to where it could actually have an effect on people.

[@foxymetroid]

​@@bderrick4944Life expectancy is simply the average age at the point of death. Back then, that average was kept down by all the kids dying.

[@followingtheroe1952]

Also be ready at a moments notice to catch her when she faints from hysteria

[@azlanadil3646]

I choose to believe they believed this despite any and all evidence to the contrary.

[@adarktrap7361]

Nailed it 😂 i do all of them except helping guests leave lol

[@ST9876543]

The "be on the side of the road" and "don't turn your bum to sb while getting in / move through rows in a cinema / theater" were taught to me and I've only passed 25 sooo...

[@themoderndandy713]

Yes, I'm 23, and both of these rules are still in modern etiquette - well, the not showing your rear is, and the walking-on-the-street rule is practiced by some traditionalists. I'm a bit more egalitarian - I wear vintage suits and ties; there's no way I'm letting a puddle splash me over a lady in ratty jeans and dirty sneakers. A proper, expensive formal dress, meanwhile, is a different story. But yes, one should always enter aisles facing the seats rather than away from them. Also, ever since I heard the advice to pick up dropped objects by crouching and grabbing it sideways rather than sticking my rear out, I've been a better man.

[@ahleenah]

The always turn towards people you’re passing when they’re sitting (like in cinema rows) is actually part of basic etiquette akin to Knigge’s etiquette

[@cosmicmuffin322]

​@@ahleenahI just realised I broke this last time I was at the cinema, thank you for the reminder 🙂

[@cosmicmuffin322]

I would say men still do this fairly often. If you have to cross a street with them, or something like that, they will often instinctively go on the street side after that.

[@Lizzifer7]

No no people can plump my rear cushions when im going through the cinema rows, I shant brush them with my lady garden. 😂

[@xLionsxxSmithyx]

That "Never turn your bum to her" was personal, Who farted on you?

[@hermi1-kenobi455]

Cackling

[@tultur7182]

legitimately the closest ive ever been to spitting a drink out with laughter

[@cybercab]

This was actually discussed in Fight Club. Lol

[@rachelfarah1844]

My dad told me that a real gentleman never lets a lady walk next to the road and I've never forgot it. Now I have a boyfriend that lives by it and I feel like a queen

[@Waldemarvonanhalt]

One of the Japanese men on the first embassy to the USA was shocked at how the American men treated their wives with all kinds of pampering and considerate gestures. He thought the women were supposed to basically act like servants to their husbands instead. He thought the wives should be the ones moving their husband's chair for them when they sit down, not the other way around. (In older styles of speech, Japanese wives address their husbands as "master" not "husband")

[@ratlinggull2223]

Ah, classic japan.

[@MacTac141]

“In Japan, men come first. Women come second”

[@ElanaVital83]

And now we've got "herbivores" in Japan who wonder why they can't get a date😅

[@irishcajun85]

@@MacTac141”…or sometimes not at all.” -Austin Powers

[@qp9vp]

None of them were treating women and men as equals. Both are just as bad.

[@christophersmith108]

"Never Bum Forwards" is going to be my new motto

[@tynewlin]

"I fart in your general direction!"

[@recoveringsoul755]

Turn your front instead?

[@trustjah]

Also by no means let her vote or have her own bank account. Chivalry was a two-edged sword. It turned women into property to protect not people to respect.

[@abispanner3957]

My grandpa always insists on walking on the outside on a pavement (sidewalk for my US friends) because it was how he was brought up, he sees it as basic manners

[@chrismodlin6262]

I fully support “don’t smoke in front of a lady” Better yet, don’t smoke at all.

[@mhug162]

James VI and I violently agrees

[@crowman2702]

But how are they supposed to cope with being in the Victorian era if they can't smoke a cigar every hour?

[@justincoleman3805]

It’s not your business whether others smoke.

[@Khronogi]

​@@justincoleman3805has spreads outwards, its evedypbes business

[@klop4228]

@@justincoleman3805 But it is good advice. ...and could be someone else's business if they're in the vicinity. Like, I don't want to smell that, and I don't want cancer from your second-hand smoke lol

[@JonBogdanove]

I’m rather amazed how much of this I was taught! However, if you take gender out of it, many of these rules are just common consideration, one human to another. Don’t smoke when you’re talking with someone, unless they smoke too. See guests to the door and make sure they make it safely to their conveyance. If possible, walk with someone so as not to make them late to their destination. These are just thoughtful kindnesses we should all consider doing for each other.

[@beccaknerr5871]

This is just what I was thinking!

[@Ash.Crow.Goddess]

Yes, and the person who instinctively walks closest to the street is probably the just the one who happens to have the most protective instincts.

[@WumboGuy]

Agreed, we should probably all do polite things for eachother regardless of gender just because that makes the world a more pleasant place and everyone deserves to recieve simple acts of kindness.

[@aiiiia9971]

Yup!

[@alpha13dylan]

Sorry, it is sex specific. I'm not walking my buddy to his car when he leaves. I will however walk my girlfriend to the car when she leaves.

[@urphakeandgey6308]

Tbh, a lot of these kind of make sense. Some might be a little too traditional, but not smoking around a lady makes perfect sense when you consider second hand smoke and the fact women can be pregnant. It's actually amazing that people that long ago intuited those kinds of sensibilities when not long after, there were ad campaigns with doctors promoting cigarettes.

[@adoramay9410]

I mean, really you ideally shouldn’t smoke around anyone. Everyone gets lung cancer from it. But I see your point, and pregnant women do have more risk factors for second hand smoke

[@spanishpeaches2930]

Treating women like ladies...who'd have thunk it ?

[@Bear_the_shepherd]

My dad has always walked beside the road, he does it for my mum and I think it's absolutely adorable ❤

[@jazzycakes6294]

I always did this for my husband when we were dating. When he found out, he swapped with me. 😂 I did it so that if a car hopped the curb, I was hit first and he may survive. He absolutely did not let me continue that.

[@FailleSchmitz_Art]

My husband does this too :)

[@walqqr1]

My man does this for me too ❤

[@rosavillanueva5189]

​@@jazzycakes6294He knows your value. So sweet.

[@TheHardys01]

It's proper manners.

[@wwkjr584]

I am a Texan. My grandfather was born in 1896. He was the epitome of a southern gentleman. But he had his moments. When he was dating my grandmother she asked him why he insisted walking curbside. He said, "you'll scare the horses Jessie."

[@elbowsbuns1896]

😂😂😂

[@JScottCee]

We Texans have our moments ⭐😄

[@SusieQ3]

As a Texan woman, I'm sure she giggled. That's a funny line.

[@Briselance]

"Never make her late." But she can make me late, huh?😐

[@TheAngmarbucket]

Since the man in this example wants to talk, he is choosing to be late by following her instead of doing whatever else he was planning. He is not obligated to talk/follow.

[@kellydalstok8900]

Indeed. He’s not obliged to talk to her, he chooses to.

[@clauuvm]

Then don't stop to talk to her, just say Hello and keep walking

[@khasidailyfact6371]

The road side walk, that's K-drama sh*t right there lol nice👍👏

[@judithhope8970]

My husband of fifty one years always walks on the road side. When we cross the road, its like a dance move we swap sides so gracefully. Bless. 😊

[@chronischgeheilt]

That's so adorable 😍

[@OllyRoger]

Following women around and littering as we speak. Thanks for the advice. ❤️

[@josephkarl2061]

Some things don't translate well into modern times 🤣🤣

[@echognomecal6742]

These shorts are highly enjoyable. I have an old US book of etiquette & greatly anticipate cracking it open.

[@d.s.151]

Walking on the roadside between traffic and a lady is still a thing, my grandfather taught me that when I was a boy, I still do it

[@oneminuteofmyday]

My father actually did some of those (Boy Scouts never litter), even for me when I was a teenager. I had encephalitis as a teenager and it damaged my nervous system. I wobble if someone walks on my left side, but I can walk straight if they’re on my right. That meant I often ended up on the traffic side while walking with him. It was more than his brain could handle; it actually made him visibly anxious sometimes. We had to reroute our most common walks so we either walked on low traffic streets where it didn’t bother him as much (though he would cross behind me if a car approached from the rear of us) or crossed over to the other side of the road on busy streets. lol He’s a true gentleman who was raised well in the 1940’s-50’s.

[@justanotherbaptistjew5659]

The walking on the side of the road thing is actually really common courtesy I still, from where I live.

[@ezachleewright2309]

Wait, what? Seeing someone walk next to you makes you wobble?

[@lilcomment1946]

@@ezachleewright2309 Yes can you read they said they had encephalitis and it damaged their nervous system 🙄🙄

[@oneminuteofmyday]

@@ezachleewright2309 The encephalitis (swelling of the brain) caused damage that affected my proprioception, which is the brain’s ability to sense where we are in relation to other people and objects. It’s like my brain’s GPS system is continually rerouting whenever someone is on my left side, which makes me walk a little wonky. I also have a tendency to bump into the edges of furniture and doorways.

[@rohsek7298]

If only men these days would not smoke in front of me. I don’t need their stench in my airspace.

[@Amaranthyne]

Men, women, non-binary, forests, I’d appreciate if all of the above would not smoke in my vicinity. I like my lungs the way they are and I _HATE_ the smell of tobacco.

[@quokka_yt]

​@@AmaranthyneSame. In my opinion, we should take a few notes from New Zealand and ban cigarettes altogether (yeah black market or whatever, but it'll still be less prevelant)

[@asleepappeal]

I wish they would do the same around my kid. It makes me so mad when people are smoking right near where kids are playing or something. I mean it's probably fine, I grew up with smoking parents.... but how can someone not be aware that they are exposing other people's kids to second hand smoke... :(

[@Amaranthyne]

@@quokka_yt It’s too late where I live. Marijuana would just replace it.

[@quokka_yt]

@@Amaranthyne I think that it should be legal (nicotine too), just don't smoke it in public, and don't sell it pre-rolled!

[@mikemoss6045]

Theres alot of these things that was taught to me as normal

[@shewho333]

My mom taught me all this nonsense as a little girl as if every parent was going to teach their children this stuff. Imagine my disillusionment with the rest of humanity when I was the only one who seemed to know “the rules”. My mother really thought she was high society.

[@Jaquelin-w-5049]

It's not nonsense and she really does seem high society.

[@grahampaulkendrick7845]

I was chastised by an old woman in a restaurant in West London in April '65 for passing her with my back turned to her. I was 12 and had no idea what she was talking. My friends and I left in embarrassment even tho' we were gasping for a cuppa.

[@grahampaulkendrick7845]

And I was told off by my Dad for using the word 'bum' in 1958 when I was six.

[@MeesterTweester]

what grown adult is offended by that from a literal kid lol

[@Shaytan.666]

@@MeesterTweester a Karen

[@grahampaulkendrick7845]

@@MeesterTweester Grumpy old ladies born in 1893!

[@judalea17]

that's ridiculous, since you would always have your back towards someone if you're passing through a crowd; you would either be watching where you're going, or talking to someone with you and not paying any attention to some total stranger expecting everyone to adhere to outdated etiquette

[@markgaudry7549]

So that is where my father got the directions for being a gentleman that he taught me.

[@denmoureswiftt.kimroque]

She can match Lucy's english and accent ❤

[@CEPrepper]

I feel like I still do all those things. Even making sure female friends of my wife are in the Uber and the driver knows I’m tracking the ride.

[@MrEscape314]

100 years later, *working class" is a good definition for "middle class."

[@unacceptablesisterpeter3431]

Yes 1890s middle class was doctors lawyers and bankers.

[@sunkintree]

most people today who think they are middle class are actually working class. you're just chasing a label to cope with it

[@kirbster1005]

I bought a book on gentleman's etiquette for the 1800s for a joke but whilst some of it was funny, I do agree with lots of it and so much of it is still applicable and we'd be better off if more people followed it

[@gumpus5490]

What was the book?

[@Scarlett.Granger]

I think the main thing is that so many problems wouldn't exist if everyone just made the tiniest effort to be nice to everybody

[@Scarlett.Granger]

@@annaniemczyk2285 wow... first of all i did not address you in any way. Do you always assume the world revolves around you? Secondly, way to prove a point - it was in no way necessary to react that harshly, nobody tried to offend you here. Why do you need to go out of your way to attack people like that? You know you don't own a comment section just because you replied first? Thirdly even if i "needed a book to figure that out" (which you assumed based on nothing, and i don't even know which book you refer to since i, as "a random" clearly don't have the book of the OC) it seems that you couldn't figure it out at all. It would have cost you literally nothing to just not aggressively reply to my comment that didn't even address or concern you in any way whatsoever.

[@oranjellofish]

That checks out, since a lot of etiquette is just based on having a degree of consideration for others!

[@philinator71]

I think its fine if its done for everyone.

[@tangogrrl]

Also surprisingly, my dad used to always change positions when we were walking down the street, so that he would be on the outside edge near traffic. He made a point to tell us this was the only polite way a gentleman would act.

[@tukangiseng]

The "walk" and "riding in the coach" have reasoning that caused it. For more relatable ways, see "how to date a brunette" by the US Navy. Basically, ladies first so that you can open doors first, get off the car first and help her down from the car.

[@folgerkelley2715]

The walking somewhere to have a conversation thing is actually pretty cute and sweet assuming there’s some sort of heads up that you’re following someone for those reasons and not like looking to jump them

[@radhiadeedou8286]

It's to have a conversation with a lady you already know, not following random women

[@BP-yd9vn]

Actually, my mom still makes me get up and walk a person to the door and wave while watching them drive off. She insists the whole family do it together.

[@dee_dee_place]

My Dad always walked people to our door & then watched them, from the window pane in the door, to make sure they got in their car alright. He only walked family & our friends from NY to their cars. Our Southern friends felt uncomfortable with him walking them to their cars. They said it made them feel like he was pushing them to leave & go home. If my Southern friends had a porch, they would walk out to the porch, & wave goodbye but never walk me to my car. It's interesting how regional customs are carried out.

[@ThisisKyle]

If I were you I would tell her no

[@MrRickb75645]

This was the way i was raised as well. Thenlack of respect for women today is astounding.

[@muhammadasadabbas5479]

This thing is still in common manners of how to treat not just lady but ever person my mom make me do it to all our guests and it became habit of me

[@RandomEncounterFilms]

I still stand on the street side when walking with anyone. It's just polite

[@MummaQuan]

Some of these things are still true today for some people. My dad always taught my brother (and did these things for myself, my mom or any other women that we were with) to walk on the street side when walking with women or children, also to walk them to their vehicles when they leave and help them with anything they might be carrying. My pap always did the same as well. Some of the old “rules” are silly but some of them are still nice, it’s nice to feel protected when you’re out and about.

[@brinkiTOgo]

I feel like the "walking to vehicle" thing makes the most sense nowadays. I don't like it if men just grab what I' holding to help me, assuming I can't lift it by myself. There are a few colleagues at work who tend to do it and I really don't like it. Asking to do so is totally fine though. But I ask men (colleagues and friends) who carry a lot of stuff if I can help them, too. And walking on the street side would make me, as an egalitarian / feminist women uncomfortable. Because the lives of men and women are equally valuable.

[@sunkistbabe]

Okay Miss feminist. If there was a fire at your workplace is it every man/woman for themselves or should men help to evacuate the building( assuming doing so is still possible and there's no time to wait for the firemen to arrive)? If they just let women do it you know you would resent them. I suppose the men shouldn't have let the women and children evacuate the Titanic first too. Please stop inserting feminism into everything.

[@xebulba]

@@sunkistbabedid that sound better in your head than when you hit submit?

[@PhillipBicknell]

And to this day, pedestrians still think that rule applies, when actually Rule 1 of the Highway Code is very logical and clear.

[@sambrocklebank9028]

The sitting backwards thing and walking on the roadside thing I just naturally do anyway

[@steve-175]

You forgot. When going upstairs, let the lady go first. If she slips/falls, you are behind her to catch her / land on you. And when going downstairs the opposite, the gentlemen goes first, so if the lady slips / falls, you're there to catch her / cushion her fall.

[@matteofazio7845]

I let the lady go upstairs first so i can check her butt

[@lilykep]

My husband still walks on the road side if we're walking on the street. I asked him why once and he said if a car tries to hit us he wants to be able to push me to safety, which was a strange but sweet thing to say

[@CloutDrankula]

“Splashed” is a nice term for “harassed”

[@azazel56]

As a southerner, its kind of odd to notice the etiquette we still hold on to. We're really big on manners. things like walking on the outside of the sidewalk were things i was taught to do growing up. Im 21. Personally I like the tradition and kindness

[@amkamirin]

I remember my grandma always told me to walk on the roadside when you walk with a lady not to block the splash but to prevent snatch theft.

[@alexfarkas3881]

Good heavens, what kind of neighborhood is it where a thief would try to take a lady's snatch...? 🤣

[@amkamirin]

@@alexfarkas3881 the south east asia kind 😁

[@localtavernsluteplayer2182]

I heard that it was so the guy gets hit by bikes and cars instead of the woman

[@amkamirin]

@localtavernsluteplayer2182 Yes, but also allow the guy to use their body to hide the purse to make it harder for the purse snatchers.

[@zahraaal5371]

@@localtavernsluteplayer2182lmaoooooooooooooooo that's too much but shit if it was really the reason

[@dantemedici8179]

Thanks for the tips bro

[@binabina4445]

These are all things that were taught in my family. Its called having manners. Not a thing people know much about today.

[@LeafHuntress]

How rude of you!

[@sydneykendall7125]

My husband has always insisted that he walk on the street side of the sidewalk, and if there's someone ahead who looks drunk, drugged, or rough, he puts himself between me and that person. I like it.

[@conormurphy4328]

As a true Victorian gentleman I must also unfortunately make sure than she can never vote.

[@justsomenobody889]

Indeed, my poor little head gets so tired trying to think of who I should vote for

[@conormurphy4328]

@@justsomenobody889 Indeed, you must be focused on child rearing and looking after your husbands property.

[@Shiruvi]

she might not be able to vote but you can raise her spirits by redecorating! scheele's green is super trendy right now.

[@mister-zen8491]

A ton of ladies that I know wish to repeal the 19th. Can't say I blame them, either.

[@NerdySabbath]

​@@mister-zen8491By ladies, you mean your mother/ lover?

[@stanmikelsavage3603]

Outside of the "getting into the carriage" thing, the rest is pretty inherent to me.

[@KiranasOfRizon]

Walking with someone while talking to them instead of stopping them seems like a politeness that should be extended to today.

[@craz2580]

"you may fascinate a woman with cheese"

[@IggyTthunders]

19th century Dad jokes incoming! *Ahem* Why was the gentlemen tipsy on his passage return voyage across the Atlantic? Bc he was lodged on the *port side* *Ah! Ah! Ah!*

[@Mygg_Jeager]

​@@IggyTthundersOh. Wine. XD

[@Juniper_berries]

I had a gentleman friend who would walk roadside for the same reason. He would also enter first into unknown establishments to check if they were "safe", and hold the door for me if we knew the place. I loved those little gestures.

[@eatyourcereal4747]

How long ago was it? Do you still see him? Sorry for asking lol but i was just curious about the past tense

[@sgshaday]

The walking on roadside is something that my dad used to do too and while I am a woman, I did it for more vulnerable people like kids or my grandma when I was helping her with things. So, the elderly children basically while my dad uncles, cousins and brother did that for everyone in that list and women.