Rituals for Breakups - Esther Perel

[@shemseh]

I celebrated my break up anniversary, very proud of myself for being able to make it single after so many years in relationships, and not only make it but thrive, putting myself first and happiest than ever 💖

[@m2pozad]

Hopefully happier alone is not generally true for your future. It is a lesbioic lie that we do not rank ourselves first when in sound hetero relationships. If it is not true, then there are self-esteem issues. For a real treat, read this great little book on the topic, 'The Psychology of Romantic Love'.

[@heartspacerelaxations6924]

Another great book is ‘the course of love’ by Alaine de botton, of the school of life.

[@phillipjones3869]

Childish at best. You still not over it just because you celebrated it. Smh

[@jasminschults1382]

My ritual is watching documentaries and talks about breakups.. helps me realize its perfectly normal to feel the way I feel...It happens to everyone... that this pain is shared.

[@mrsallexx]

documentary about breakups? Can you recommend some?

[@skyyy1977]

Two weeks into the breakup. I’m living in my flat that we set up together over this past year. Every single item in this house (except the room heater since the breakup happened before winter got freezing), every single household item and every single ritual (the brushing teeth at night, then brewing of coffee in the morning, the entangling of feet under the covers) is now done alone. It is a physical kind of pain. But thank you Esther I was beginning to forget that the relationship is done but I’m not ❤

[@yvonnemagliocco8507]

The love of my life just ended our 6 yr, long distance (1 1/2 hrs away) relationship. I’m devastated. 😪. We were both givers. He taught me how to receive. And I’m forever grateful of that. But the pain is so intense and actually becoming more physical as time progresses. 💔💔💔🙏🏼

[@jvm-tv]

Esther's wisdom is so nourishing.

[@bettymurphy6865]

Could not have said it better myself. I truly believe my breakup would have been so much better had I had more support. Instead my former friend just seemed to want me to focus on how naive I was to get involved and enentually be berated by him which did not help me heal at all. Now I realize this support was not support. It just dragged me down and further into shame. I just love how ester can swiftly connect with us all and help me understand what I could not put into words. I truly believe support is crucial but not having it makes it so painful

[@Monochromatification]

I asked my close friends to give post-break up suggestions and while most of them were good (and I followed through on all I could) my favourite was being asked to shave my hair into a mohawk. So I did (my housemate helped get the sides and back right). The very same day, I went into a grocery store and the cashier said "you look so cool", and it was such a wonderful moment that I actually forgot about my break-up and just basked in the feeling of being seen and the awareness that there was so much more to life yet to enjoy. So I definitely recommend post-break up rituals of some form. Anything to remind you that you are you, and not just the vestige of a failed pairing.

[@dasia7920]

thank you for sharing this!! so simple yet such a beautiful read....

[@erwintan4746]

i am bald now what should i do

[@sorcha3811]

@@erwintan4746 put on a wig!!

[@aliciab4236]

My girlfriends gave me a "happy divorce" party decades ago and it completely reframed the situation for me.

[@BOZ_11]

i bet you're not re-married, though. got some cats?

[@lipsohlips97]

You have some really amazing friends!

[@BOZ_11]

@@lipsohlips97 what if she dies alone?

[@lipsohlips97]

@@BOZ_11 WTF. You will die alone regardless. Doesn't matter if ur married or not. Please be more sensible.

[@BOZ_11]

@@lipsohlips97 i am being sensible, you're being disingenuous if you think being alone and having someone beside you, till death us do part is the same thing

[@karenborden1620]

"The relationship maybe over but we are not over." I love this because I'm ending a relationship and didn't have the words to use that would save the friendship. These are the words I will use to begin this important dialog. Thank you Esther!

[@priyankadeyray243]

Esther Perel, we need more on how to cope with the pain of break ups

[@HH-gv8mx]

My boyfriend of 4 years went to work one day last week and just never came home. there was no conversation, there was no fight he just left. He was very affectionate with me that morning wanting sex so badly that he made himself late for work. Which in hindsight looking back I’m very upset about this, but after four years together, I can’t even get over like that. I found out that he quit his job that day and moved. He won’t tell me what state he’s in or if he’s still in Florida. It’s all gaslighting every time I text him. I’m just completely blindsided and devastated. I wish so badly he could have atleast given me the respect of being honest. I feel sick over this and can’t get out of this horrible feeling of emptiness. Plus, he left me with this apartment that we just signed a lease on and I cannot afford by myself. I just feel so sick over this. I wish there was a book to guide me through it.

[@LiveAGoodLife-Athena]

@@HH-gv8mxhey, I was really sorry to read this. How are you doing? Did things get easier and more manageable? I hope so

[@NoTrafficLights]

I binge watched Grace and Frankie's non stop during my divorce, something about seeing those two mature women connecting over this loss of their partners and figuring out how to start the new chapters of their lives made me feel like life is not over Sometimes art heals 💜

[@mistressevamzonia7087]

Hello do you need help ? I can recomend you to someone who helped me restore back my ex

[@MsTmansfield]

I just watched it again 1 yr later!

[@arianna_ca]

Brilliant. 3 focus areas after a breakup are work, distractions, and connections. Love the example of a breakup party and how your friend turned an isolating experience into a communal one. I hope many people find this wisdom and use it.

[@annstewart4542]

I tossed out and gave away everything that reminded me of him and our life together. I am at ground zero and rebulding slowly. Great video.

[@nsbhater]

Same 💛

[@annstewart4542]

@@nsbhater Stay strong on your journey. Blessings being sent your way👍

[@kam0406]

I was not in my right kind after my ex abandoned me and the kids and cheated. I left my marital home and all the contents. I left over a million dollars in assets. My attorney did not protect me. Now, a few years later, I realize I should not have done this and I hurt myself finacially. The entire process was extremely painful. What doesn't kill is makes us stronger. This is being put to the test but I'm not sure if I will survive this. I'm almost 50 years old and starting over is hard. My soul feels dead and I wonder if life is worth living. I wonder of there is love out there for me.

[@ninauchida8620]

@@kam0406 I'm sorry for the pain you are going through. Hang in there.

[@sharontay7482]

Stay strong ladies, we are in this together. 💪My husband of 21 years abandoned me 3 months ago unexpectedly, divorce & moved out all in one day. It left me so shattered!

[@SeanTheDon17]

I’m going through a breakup right now, this was extremely helpful. Thank you as always Esther ❤️

[@mgabimpiloh]

I’m sorry

[@SeanTheDon17]

@@georgegray2712 Thank you for your kind words George. Very true!

[@Ana8888flafi]

Hugs!!! Me too

[@SeanTheDon17]

@@Ana8888flafi sending you love and strength.

[@thatolengana9209]

Biggest takeaway: we will find love again 👌🏾🙏🏾

[@ramirenriquez6795]

Always do our best to remember, we don't own anyone. We can love, nurture, plan the future with them but don't forget that things and people will change including ourselves. Establish your self-awareness first as much as possible before meeting someone or like what Esther said, maybe even during meeting someone (since according to Esther we don't get better at self-improvement by being alone or doing it alone, we learn when we get with someone too - more effective way of learning). Work with your identity and the more you know yourself, the less anxiety you'll feel when someone leaves.

[@TokioTE]

I never tell people when I'm going through a breakup. One time I mentioned it to a work friend and she then bought me a drink :') the shared teas and alcohol were really helpful, I never knew the importance of communal breakup rituals before then.

[@alyssaarana373]

My friend always makes her breakups rituals and practices and I always thought that was so strange. Now it makes so much more sense❤️

[@tielee9259]

I have a volume of poetry dedicated to my last breakup. I wrote it mostly to release my emotions. I also wrote a goodbye letter to my ex but never sent it. This exercise certainly helped & healed me. When I look back it makes me realise I've certainly moved on.

[@sabahhemouda4469]

so brilliant and helpfull ,breakups are one of the most horrible experience a person can go through

[@HH-gv8mx]

My boyfriend of 4 years went to work one day last week and just never came home. there was no conversation, there was no fight he just left. He was very affectionate with me that morning wanting sex so badly that he made himself late for work. Which in hindsight looking back I’m very upset about this, but after four years together, I can’t even get over like that. I found out that he quit his job that day and moved. He won’t tell me what state he’s in or if he’s still in Florida. It’s all gaslighting every time I text him. I’m just completely blindsided and devastated. I wish so badly he could have atleast given me the respect of being honest. I feel sick over this and can’t get out of this horrible feeling of emptiness. Plus, he left me with this apartment that we just signed a lease on and I cannot afford by myself. I just feel so sick over this. I wish there was a book to guide me through it.

[@marmaladeatkins]

I love that idea of the break up party.

[@cogean]

I absolutely adore this woman 💜 and am so thankful to have found her material. Can't wait for the next season of Where Should We Begin.

[@hopezhang8278]

Just been through a breakup of a long-distance relationship because he cheated. He flew over from his city and we had meals at places we wanted to go, went to shops we said we were gonna visit and I wrote a journal about what I loved and could not bear about him. He said he was sorry and that he did loved me and wanted this to work. It was good enough for me to finally draw a closure to the indecisiveness over the past month. Now time to: work, distract and connect.

[@leeboriack8054]

What a brilliant concept to put closure on a relationship, rather than ruminating for months or years in isolation. Much better way to bolster Mental Health

[@rogerconnolly3688]

I used to cleanse my life of their objects as she said. When My marriage ended at 53 after 20 years I bought myself a guitar as a present and took lessons and can now play the guitar. I did other things generally around the principle of deciding to make the best of what lay ahead. Very soon I began to earn money that I had never earned before in my life. Onwards and upwards. I even made my peace with her a few years later and my children invite me round when she is out, with her blessing.

[@hhc4682]

truly one of great comments shared on this video. I am glad you shared this with us, as for me I've had trouble cleaning up, and clearing up due to so many ideas to begin with. not easy to move on, and figure out... but you decide to what make the best of what lay ahead. I'm glad you are earning a lot of money, better late than never. Onwards and Upwards on self-improvement.

[@buzzlightyearandco]

Nothing lasts forever. Death is our only birthright. Clinging is not love, love is not clinging.

[@Nat-tu6vb]

Esther, you are a breath of fresh air ❣️🙏

[@christianpulisic7784]

Nat,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌺 dear

[@luismark1105]

Hello I know of someone who can help attract back your lover or ex I'm sure of this because he once helped me

[@melodymacken9788]

Brilliant and oh so healing. From Rotorua,New Zealand.

[@lynngriesemer4940]

"work, distractions, connections" - yes - When we breakup, we need to almost make plans and take proactive, healthy measures for our mind, body and soul. I think we need to do these things when we are in transition - when we break apart from friends, when we move, when we grieve....

[@brandynpetty6734]

Wake up with a cute face and beautiful smile, dear. The day awaits your specialty. Go on and explore the day! Good morning, damsel.

[@brandynpetty6734]

Good morning dear, how was your rest, hope you had a wonderful night..go and explore the day

[@dulcebento2749]

Divorce, endings and even death must be celebrated and honored. 🖤

[@POLYLIVING]

I’ve been stripping for 23 years. I’ve noticed a cultural shift in the club related to divorce that I find fascinating. People used to come in seeking empathy in sadness but now a days it’s a social celebration party

[@dailyjerk]

Very interesting- way to go after your passion

[@annawimpey5307]

Are the tips better? I know women enjoyed going to the clubs too. Ive been to a few bachlor/Bachelorette parties at strip clubs. More fun, less creepy.

[@POLYLIVING]

@@annawimpey5307 The tips were better before 2003. Then they started getting better again recently

[@annawimpey5307]

Celebs such as JLo, who pole danced for a Superbowl halftime, you should start selling classes. If I were younger, I would love to learn some of the moves.

[@POLYLIVING]

@@annawimpey5307 I do sell classes n u don’t have to b young. There r plenty of pole fitness ladies in their 60s. I have a successful catering/coaching business plus I’m a commercial driver. I strip because I love it

[@irmaakcay6472]

I am currently going through a breakup. It’s feels different then previous breakups, the anger of betrayal is on the surface and I don’t know how to get over it. I want to get to the root which is pain but I can’t get to it. I need to heal. I love this advice. Thank you 🙏

[@jromeo8247]

That's ego. Let go of the part of yourself where you feel you need to be hurt, you aren't. Your ego is.

[@megnelli]

It’s common to feel numb or disassociated with ourselves after trauma. Get a therapist and/ or supportive group that can help you tackle your healing in a way that can help you get access your feelings bit by bit. Otherwise it can often come out in huge tsunami emotional outbursts that are inconvenient and disorienting.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Irma Akcay,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,you only deserve a good man!!

[@irmaakcay6472]

@@jromeo8247 thank you

[@irmaakcay6472]

@@megnelli thank yiu

[@orsike192]

It's nice to imagine what she proposed. I just don't have friends where I live so I guess I have to go through it alone. Maybe next time it'll be different

[@ekaterinabulanova1530]

Wow!!! So beautifully put. Thank you Esther. I should've watched this video four years ago.

[@anjijack5392]

Hoʻoponopono works extremely well for this very thing. Namaste. 🙏🏻

[@christianpulisic7784]

Anji Jack,You look stunning 🌹 🌷🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

[@SewHealthy8]

Omg Meryl Streep movies...watch Bridges of Maddison County if you wish to have the tears flow.

[@vishwav20]

You know, you can do what you want about these breakup rituals. But the mind only has gas peddles and not clutch or break - mind only accelerates what you feed it. You may be having all these rituals but your mind only digs deep and holds them much stronger. So it's better to do what builds your future and builds you as a person. Don't take a dig at trying to fix what is dead a cause. You aren't the first person to have a breakup nor the last one. The reason for marriages having so many rituals and not divorce or a breakup is for the same reason why birth has so many rituals and investments attached to it and death not so much. Because when a person is born there is a whole future ahead him/her but when a person dies that's it there is no more life in this world for him/her. Same with divorce/breakup. Keep it simple, do what you gotta do but keep in mind that what you give attention to perpetuates!

[@orangeturtle2737]

I have given stuff back and cleansed my space, I say cleansed because I could focus on the reconnection with myself and start the process of grief in a environment that I made for me. All the decoration choices I was not allowed to have, all the fabrics and candle scents I loved and was told “I don’t like it” so I put it back and never purchased it, or purchased it and have my partner throw it away. In this I realised a space for me was restricted when with my partner it was her way her choice or nothing else and I was lucky so to speak if I like what she picked. I don’t understand why the removal of items is seen as a negative, when it is a restoration of the self that was restricted in the first instance.

[@biba350]

We have broken up got back together few times over 6 years this time not going back

[@bettymurphy6865]

Ester herself says she divorced her husband 3 times and started a new beginning with him. I just love this woman. Her hope that anything is possible is truly amazing

[@johndonaldson3619]

so you say......

[@anan.269]

@@bettymurphy6865 where does she say that?

[@chesskw]

Your knowledge & wisdom is always appreciated! Thank you!

[@byrnegrrl]

Really beautiful message.

[@christianpulisic7784]

brynegrrl,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌺,hope you are not with a narc 😈!!

[@richardeliasjames5190]

Why do so many relationships fail? Because we don't know how to love without fear and we don't know how to experience real love and connection apart from our ego. Our ego is our false sense of self, an identity created by our environment; it's who we think we are supposed to be in order to fit in, gain acceptance, approval and validation from others so that we can belong to our group or society. Belonging to a society is part of our survival instinct, our society helps protect and support us. However, our ego is not who we really are, it's who we were taught to be. If you had been born in a different country, a different society or culture, your ego would be completely different; who you would believe yourself to be and what you would desire would be very different. The nature of our ego is to conform and comply, if we resist or rebel, then we risk becoming an outcast. That makes our ego fear based, dependent on and addicted to the approval and acceptance of others. That also means that our ego can be a coward and a bully; coward for needing the acceptance of others more than our own, for giving in and conforming instead of standing up for who we want to be. Our ego then "bullies" us (and others) when it doesn't get the validation, attention or acceptance it needs by criticizing shaming or blaming (that's the judgemental voice in your head). So, while the ego allows us to fit in and excel in society, it can not be what leads us if we want a loving relationship because a relationship can only be healthy if it is built on trust, vulnerability, honesty, empathy and acceptance of each other's true self. The ego doesn't experience real love or empathy, rather, it craves in a selfish and possessive way and fears loss, rejection and abandonment. We must choose whether we will live in fear or live in love. If we want to experience true love, then we must love with our true self. We can't love through fear, we can't be a coward in love. Only the courageous experience an epic love.❤

[@hejira4153]

Absolutely agree with all you have said. My long standing marriage didn't go the distance and I'm very sad it didn't, I can see where and how it failed tho and I still care about them and wish them well.

[@NathanNavarrete-r5m]

Main point: no one owns anything or anyone in the end. Celebrate what you can when you can while you can and give yourself and other's the dignity to maturely mourn without making other people right or wrong.

[@shiram88]

That break-up party is a great idea! ❤

[@TheHostForMyFolks]

The queen has spoken

[@burtonlee22]

Brilliant, so simple and important

[@fragheadunleashed5661]

New subscriber all the way from South Africa 🙋‍♀️🇿🇦

[@QuietClariti]

Same!🎉

[@sxzero8]

Thank you Esther, I really love this capsules!

[@mars1783]

I've been single for too damn long, because I used to be TOO NURTURING towards Men, which led to the same psychological abuse i grew up witnessing. Lately I found myself through writing and 💃 and doing the emotional work to heal my life, I love myself for 1st time. However, the thought of bringing someone else into my life Now that I FEEL WHOLE, not sure if being vulnerable again feels 🤔 necessary. I'll get past it, or who cares if I dont!?!? Haha... Thanks for Your Incredible Advice n Presence Dear Esther!!! Have a great day 😀...

[@christianpulisic7784]

Mary G,You are beautiful 🌹🌷🌺,I think you deserve better 🙏🙏🙏

[@brandynpetty6734]

Wake up with a cute face and beautiful smile, dear. The day awaits your specialty. Go on and explore the day! Good morning, damsel.

[@brandynpetty6734]

Good morning Mary,how was your rest, hope you had a wonderful night..go and explore your day

[@Nadezhda734]

This is a wonderful part of your testimony you have shared. Loving yourself & feeling whole is tremendous. Would you be willing to elaborate on emotional work of healing?

[@oraclemystic77]

I am collecting my things today and I will love him forever ❤️ thank you for this video 🌹

[@sorpy6972]

Just recently divorced and I’m super beyond struggling.. when kids gone I’m pretty much useless. Spend all day in bed 🛌 literally 😔 I have no friends due to alienation from marriage. I’m so LOST 😞

[@livenow13]

I am so sorry to hear because I feel the same way. I sleep all day and I have no friends because I put all my attention on her and wanted to show her I was all about her. I can’t stop thinking about her and all the things we did. I’m not motivated, I’m hurt and I’m lost

[@sorpy6972]

@@livenow13 feel you. I know was a choice to alienate myself from everyone I knew but he didn’t like any of my friends and I was so desperate for a family 😔 I forgot about myself.

[@livenow13]

@@sorpy6972 yep that’s what I did. I put everything into her and forgot about myself too. Never felt this broken before. The hard part is knowing she has moved on from what it seems like. Moved on like it was nothing. I have to get her out of my head

[@laumarlopez8417]

I was married to a narcissist. We did have good moments but know he doesn’t communicate with me regarding our daughter and I felt depressed because my father was very close to me until the day he passed away. Now I know that he will not die happy like my father did. He now has bad karma on him. I really do hope you feel better. The only advice I can give you is to tell the father of your children my story. share this with him to always be there for his children that way they will be there for him when he gets old. Also to never saying anything bad about you to the children and you about him. Let children be happy we already have a lot going on in this crazy world.

[@mariannedressler6784]

Pick a day and tell yourself that is the last day you’ll hide in your bed. Learn to be your own best friend. Go to the library ... pick up a book. Take yourself out to lunch. Call someone. Just start putting one foot in front of the other. You are just in a dark time. But you will get through this!!! But recognize you are grieving the end of a relationship. Sending you love!!!

[@jadeyong7773]

That break up party sounds like a great idea...

[@showorchid]

This was such helpful information!

[@LSSYLondon]

I know that a good breakup involves me watching Under the Tuscan Sun.

[@dailyjerk]

I stayed in that same hotel in Italian coast

[@hejira4153]

Yes :) And Eat, Pray, Love helped me too x

[@gunsandpoker7432]

I've done all the breakups in past relationships.

[@menuchahats6760]

I love the last idea. Thank you

[@wa9057]

Great hair color

[@meiyokechan5697]

Exactly what I m doing work, distraction n connection accidentally! It works! 😀

[@sbhm1108]

Your hair by the way 🤩😁

[@zazenh]

Very wise indeed.

[@justingriffiths6931]

My recent ex and I are actively talking about doing this soon. There is a ritual liturgy written out for the ending of a marriage in the United Church of Christ Book of Worship in the United States. We are talking with our minister to officiate this with us.

[@chrisgem382]

Cabala (people) is always about rituals. They helping their detachment by creating an attachment to rituals. This what they do is subliminally enhanced attachment :) Nevertheless, Ester I like you :) Namaste :)

[@ixxgxx]

the ritual for me included spending 80k on trying to get parenting time as a single dad against a gender biased family court.

[@dojocho1894]

I was married 17 yrs it was idyllic One night I see my wife on the couch in the middle of the night She says sit down we need to talk..... tells me she has been thinking of this for a year and fighting it but she wants divorce....stunned I sit down we talk for about 3 hrs she gets up and says well I got to go.....I said where are you going ? she says I cant stay here..and leaves to a mutual friends house to stay.... it was the last day we ever were together..

[@GloryDaze73]

😵😰😰That is so sad dude... Sorry. I hope you find people to help you along this difficult journey

[@erwintan4746]

I am separated and immerse in co-parenting with no to minimum support for myself. So this is not for me and i am still looking for how to cope, stay, and thrive for my family

[@mistressevamzonia7087]

Do you need help ?I know of someone who can help you just as he did mine too, I can recomend you to someone that helped me get my ex back

[@mistressevamzonia7087]

Text him on WhatsApp

[@mistressevamzonia7087]

+1 [ 9 7 1 ] 2 6 4 2 9 1 0

[@innerworkpodcast9929]

I went through a break up last September of a relationship of 3 years,shortly after 2 moths after that I went through another 1,and now it seems as if again after 5 months I'm going through another,I want to stop myself from being in relationships Fr a while but knowing myself IL b in one soon,the problem with me I prefer relationship cause I love sex,and using protection of course,my main concern is if stop being in a relationship who will do me, cause I really don't like casual sex,and I'm ashamed of this failing relationship,it's funny I can raise my vibration to have a relationship but I'm falling on the sustainability part ai help anyone out there.

[@mistressevamzonia7087]

I can recomend you to someone that helped me get my ex back recently he can also help you just as he did mine too

[@mistressevamzonia7087]

Kindly text on whtzapp

[@mistressevamzonia7087]

+1 [ 9 7 1 ] 2 6 4 2 9 1 0

[@heartspacerelaxations6924]

The day we celebrate breakups is a sad day. Are men having break up parties?

[@priyankadeyray243]

Work, distraction and connection. What kind of distraction you meant here Esther?

[@MS-ih9nh]

Im a bit slow, whats her message? To see that we are not the breakup, but so much more? Damn Esther, you look good.

[@antonia6059]

Haven’t we made divorce to easy? It’s clearly part of why our society is crumbling. 40%of children are growing up with a single parent most of them without a father. Divorce shouldn’t be easy or celebrated especially if children are involved. What’s the point of the vows “better or worse” “sickness or health”. Nowadays we might as well just say “as long as I feel like it” or “until I find better”. When I was going through a rough time in my marriage And I turned to family and friends. Not one person said stick it out it’s hard sometimes remember your vows. No instead everyone said do whatever makes you happy. We had 3 young children together. Not one person thought of them. Our older generation is failing to pass on the knowledge and encouragement. Marriage is not meant to be easy. My husband and I managed to get though but against all odds and without the support of a larger community. This I think is a real tragedy of our time. I understand divorce in cases where life and limb are at stake and people are in danger. But most marriages end because people don’t try hard enough or feel that life should always be about bliss and happiness. I appreciate a lot of Esther’s work but in this regard she seems to be to willing to scratch an itch rather than do what elders are supposed to do. We’re living in a bizarre time where everything is sold to us as what feels good at the moment. This rhetoric mostly harms women and children. Because now it’s socially acceptable to just dump your wife and kids the minute you can get a younger, healthier or prettier one. In fact you’ll be celebrated for it.

[@heartspacerelaxations6924]

And it’s seems so anti male, anti family, pro lesbian, etc etc

[@denisships2861]

Yeah breakups are hard and they still are

[@HH-gv8mx]

My boyfriend of 4 years went to work one day last week and just never came home. there was no conversation, there was no fight he just left. He was very affectionate with me that morning wanting sex so badly that he made himself late for work. Which in hindsight looking back I’m very upset about this, but after four years together, I can’t even get over like that. I found out that he quit his job that day and moved. He won’t tell me what state he’s in or if he’s still in Florida. It’s all gaslighting every time I text him. I’m just completely blindsided and devastated. I wish so badly he could have atleast given me the respect of being honest. I feel sick over this and can’t get out of this horrible feeling of emptiness. Plus, he left me with this apartment that we just signed a lease on and I cannot afford by myself. I just feel so sick over this. I wish there was a book to guide me through it.

[@cantgameright]

hang in there. In a way, you can be grateful that this happened to you and that you're still ok.

[@apriljaskiewicz4514]

My boyfriend of 2 years just basically did the same thing. I went to work, he packed and left. Hang in there

[@HH-gv8mx]

I hope your bf gave you the respect atleast to tell you he was leaving. The simply vanishing and the way he did it was so calculated and sneaky, and making sure he had sex one last time on his way out was the ultimate kick in the gut. I mean you think you know somebody, and then all of a sudden they betray you in this way. It’s a trauma that would take years of therapy to get over I think. Because how can you really trust anybody again after going through something like this? 😔 @@apriljaskiewicz4514

[@karamlevi]

A a man I’ve almost never herd of this type of guy but 2 times. 1- time the chick could not take feed back and soft argued points in till he gave up or pretended to agree with her so ghosting was his way to leave without being debased and further manipulated 2- time the man was super feminist and viewed himself “like” a woman, so ghosting was his feminine way of not hurting her feelings, or being confrontational. Me on the other hand I’ve broken up with women directly and either get strong begging and promises of better behavior that never ever happen longer then two weeks or I get verbally and possibly physically attacked bring up past secrets I shared, and future threats from her and her leaving me behind vibes even though I’m breaking up with her. So… these guys just don’t want to go thru what I go thru. Yeah their a bit weaker, but also… you women are stronger now, so man up, and welcome to the good life of being more masculine, and being treated with no contact and little to no explanations. It’s exactly the dating world for most men, albeit during the first part of relationships chicks bounce and say nothing. Equality is now men bouncing later on and saying nothing. Sucks for sure the adversary vibes and lack of respect, but you choose the guys for s e x, and they choose you for relationship. If you degrade the guys here and there, like female characters do in our western media… many men will not want to be with you after awhile. Your salting and poisoning the soil while thinking it sassy. It’s sassy for the female movie characters to do it in the movies and if you copy that (we all have, like guys simp in the movies)… it’s a turn off to both of us, but it sells tickets.

[@SP-os9pf]

Any good EP or other talks on how to break up ?

[@KINGUILLE1]

legend

[@maryannguess7115]

I started dating a Christian Man when covid broke out.went out 2xs.took him To family wedding..then Got calls to move into his House.take a bath in his Garden tub, I said no.if I want to take a bath ,it Will be in my place..then He would come into my Job demanding me to Spend time with him..that Was a big turn off..then his lies came tumbling Outta his mouth..then Leaving letters etc on my Car..still unopened, unread..creepy..a HUGE turnoff to me..I'd walk outta work and my phone Goes off.with message I see you leaving, come Over my house..never Been inside his house. Decided to stay single And not date ever again. So I don't have to put up With cracra men..give me My Yaya sisterhood... Thank you for your great Advice..

[@heartspacerelaxations6924]

That he said he had Christian ideas is irrelevant!

[@gorsmy]

I glad to say I'll never have this because I never married

[@welshhibby]

Once you understand that love doesn’t actually exist...it’s literally chemicals in the brain, life becomes easier.

[@migyalmama]

It ain’t true. Its the essence of the world. You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t about love

[@KevinP-i4k]

well then it does exist, it's in the brain lol

[@heartspacerelaxations6924]

Depends on your definition. Try, ‘wanting the best for someone’ no matter what.

[@heartspacerelaxations6924]

Love is all that’s real. Not romance. God Is love, God is truth, 7 x the bible says, the holy one (God) cannot lie.

[@rachelarmel7547]

You have such a shallow, unromantic, jaded and unspiritual view of love and relationships.

[@ecologuideaceae.2178]

Amaizing .....👌🏻

[@flipinchicago]

How does this apply to professional divorce (like between two founders, e.g. “How’s Work” podcast)

[@nicolegarcia7011]

Esther, Question: Does the old technic of giving sex abstinence for month to the partner (man) can still work to make reconcile or is recipe for breakup/divorce?

[@yasun5995]

It is hard for ordinary people, but for the ones who are spiritual enough and surpass the primitive character of human being.

[@rosswardrop465]

My advice .Stay single.

[@gothboithick]

genius

[@damarisnarvaezorozco9667]

Alguien sabe como puedo traducir el video?, @esther 😪

[@MarikaMeos]

community is important...but if you don't have one?

[@felicitygrace5113]

What happens when you break up but still live together!!!???

[@sherylmorgan845]

I would like to know aswell. Seperated after 10years ,he was a covert narcissist n unfortunately due to finance we are forced to live together

[@jankamajerova5100]

Esther, who do I talk to if there is no one to listen?

[@mythsonmyths]

Hi Janka, it's been a year - I hope you've found someone that will listen, hold you and stand by you

[@johndglynn]

Food for thought ❤️

[@zinasherif7791]

How do yo throw a break up , divorce party during COVID time ?

[@TokioTE]

Some virtual party ideas: Virtual drinks with breakout rooms for smaller convos if needed. Buy or Order/deliver cake to everyone, maybe thoughtful presents for the special person (gift them an experience/new hobby). Have an agenda with breakup rituals, like eat ice cream together or watch them box up and put away their ex's belongings for good. Remind them/yourself about who they/you are, maybe make a toast to them/yourself e.g. what you love about them/you as an individual, go through a slideshow of past pictures, announce future plans.

[@MrDpbazan1955]

I have purpose-meant breakup relationships. I date a woman and perhaps we live together with the split in mind from day one with her. Because I enjoy happy splits.

[@lexifreesia1463]

Help! I’m not dealing well with my divorce…there are no letters being exchanged…one minute I want to hit him/one minute I want to kiss him….I’m acting psycho!! 25 years….yikes

[@heartspacerelaxations6924]

Hey, it’ll be okay. Take your time. Did you get back with him or date new guys or both?

[@indonesiamenggugat8795]

❤❤

[@littlemonster9927]

❤

[@kam0406]

I felt like my divorce was the end of myself. After 24 years, how does life go on?

[@jromeo8247]

It does. Divorce is a grieving process that is like no other. A death while someone is still alive. Surround yourself with all the things, places and activities that weren't done or available because of the marriage. And you will soon enough see yourself emerge, once again. And you will like yourself more than ever.

[@risapakiding5388]

Divorce is not the end but rather a new beginning. You have more time to love yourself. Life always goes on, whether you're sad or happy. Do the things that make you happy. We create our own happiness. To become the best version of yourself is the best form of revenge. Eventually, you'll going to enjoy your own company. Less drama, less hassle, me-time all the time!

[@kam0406]

@@jromeo8247 trying.

[@kam0406]

@@risapakiding5388 really trying. It isn't just that. It is employment, learning new skills, trying to pay bills OK minimum wage. At almost 50 I am having to start over. I am tired. I really am so, so tired. I pray many nights that I can just keep sleeping. When morning comes I dread facing another day.

[@risapakiding5388]

@@kam0406 I really hope that you'll get through it. I'm really in a mess right now, but I'm not losing hope that someday I'll get what my heart truly desires. It's really devastating knowing that nobody really understands you at all, even from the person whom you believed to be the first one to support you. But then I have to be strong because that's only option I have. I'm really praying that we can be both genuinely happy someday. 💪

[@Knight766]

It now takes me 48 hours or less to get over any woman. The spell is broken at last

[@Osprecious]

Investing in bitcoin now should be on every individuals list, In some weeks and months time you'll be ecstatic with the decision you made today

[@sophiawhite8058]

yea bitcoin is a very lucrative way of making profits now

[@michealos8124]

Speaking of bitcoin trading, it's the best business in the world right now.

[@Osprecious]

@@michealos8124 you're right but thats if you've got good guidances or else you could lose money instead

[@osakwemicheal8569]

@@Osprecious I've been thinking of moving into bitcoin investments, can you please assist me with some recommendations? I would really love to know how you handle your trade

[@Osprecious]

@@osakwemicheal8569 Oh, actually a professional handles my forex investments while I invest in some real estate with the profit made.

[@MartinBond-jn7fg]

3tlme

[@prettytse7762]

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@Supercruiser66]

Worst advice

[@zainmehal9950]

What would you do?

[@denistaylor1782]

This sounds so much like a woman thing.