S*x in Teen programming, how much is TOO much? 🤔 Khadija Mbowe

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Creator, Producer, Host
Khadija Mbowe
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Adam Mbowe
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Travis Davis
Khadija Mbowe
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Antonia McClennan
Khadija Mbowe
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[@gracerichards3920]

I feel like Derry Girls is a great example of a show that has adults playing teenagers, but doesn't sexualise them, and also feels authentic.

[@rafaela00002]

Derry Girls is so good ❤

[@yourfavoritepessimisticexi8041]

Love that show

[@chanzy8613]

I agree I feel like British media or sometimes European media often does better than US in authenticity in these instances.

[@hifellowhumans8393]

I just finished the show. *chef's kiss*

[@azimiza1210]

I love Derry Girl too.. as a nerd who constantly reminding my friends not do "rebellious" things, anxious about exams, struggle with sexuality and body image, i felt connected to Clare more than any other character in tv shows.

[@AJ-cq5pw]

I think some of the most frustrating things about teen shows is that whenever you have a character who is a virgin, that becomes apart of their arc and their arc always ends with them eventually having sex for the first time. It's implying that losing one's virginity is a part of becoming an adult and that it is some kind of milestone. What about people who just aren't interested in sex and have no desire to have sex? What about people who are late bloomers? Like people who make teen shows act like sex is required for the show to be interesting.

[@absolutelynotellen]

OMG THIS!! As someone who never understand hypersexual/hook up culture, i felt very alone and unable to relate. I guess being adult virgin is considered as if, you're a "loser" lmao.

[@AJ-cq5pw]

@@absolutelynotellen Yeah you're treated as though you're broken and that something is wrong with you

[@morganyu812]

I think sex education talks about this. When Otis drove a customer away because he didn't diagnose a girl as being asexual despite her feeling under pressure to be sexual.

[@IshtarNike]

Never have I ever was guilty of this big time lol

[@serenediipity]

as an asexual person, this narrative is literally sooo harmful. the self-hatred i was taught to have for being an adult virgin has literally cost me friendships because of how bad my inner emotional turmoil got at one point. thanfully i've found more self love, but would my life be any better if i had forced myself into a sexual encounter just to "fit in"? certainly not, and i'm tired of this idea that a life without seggs is lesser than, ESPECIALLY when it concerns the lives of teenagers

[@NyppissN]

Teaching consent to children from the very beginning of their lives is actually pretty easy. It starts with asking permission for kisses, hugs and touch and listening to their no and respecting their no. Also teaching kids that they can't touch or kiss their friends without permission. After concept of concent and touch is established, everything else taught from there on gets easier.

[@CraftyVegan]

Exactly this. I ask my toddler if they want a hug or a kiss or w/e and respect whichever decision they make. And because of that, even though they’re minimally speaking, they still communicate requests for affection by doing stuff like reaching their arms out and saying “please”

[@DixonYamouf]

Appreciate that insight

[@berryzem]

Thank you so much for mentioning this. I was kissed without my consent twice by a friend and experienced the freeze response in kindergarten and growing up I was always expected to kiss my relatives. I wince every time I think about having to kiss someone even in a platonic way now and I'm the same age as Khadija.

[@sophiejones3554]

Bonus: if the child turns out to be on the autism spectrum, you haven't traumatized them by hugging when they were overstimulated. Also, your child now knows how to deal with an autistic classmate. Overstimulation is not a joke, and it's not a made up problem. It is in fact something that can happen to anyone, but is just more frequent for autistics. Any touch can be intensely painful during overstimulation, even if it is very gentle and meant to be comforting.

[@CraftyVegan]

@@sophiejones3554 exactly this. I’m extremely touch averse (except when it’s my own kids or my spouse) and it was physically painful and draining to have to go visit family on holidays because I was supposed to give everyone hugs and kisses and I hate stubble scratches and just … AAAAAAHHH!!! 😫 I never want my kids to have to deal with that so we do consent. So far all my kids are autistic, but even without knowing at first, consent was still the rule.

[@XploringGender]

Love this a lot. I'm an intimacy director and coordinator, so I work on scenes like these, and I think you make a lot of great points about the 'difference' between Adult content and intimate scenes with no plot, my mentor and I have actually had similar conversations. Storytelling has a responsibility. How are we portraying intimacy? What messages are we sending? What are we calling 'intimacy', and what sort of physical actions are we telling? What practices does that reenforce / normalize?

[@morganyu812]

I think it's better to imply it... Rather than actually show it. Like imagine most teenagers watching Euphoria for the first time.

[@Daydreamerr13]

@@morganyu812 I feel like degrassi kind of did a good job at this?

[@magaaliii]

@@morganyu812 I think there’s space for both implying and showcasing, depending on the series/film. For me, the idea that sex scenes can’t ever be shown borderlines on censorship. When done properly, they can add dept to the plot or simply exist as a piece of art (because sex scenes don’t have to equal pornography, but many people categorise them as the same as they can both bring up feelings of shame and/or arousal). That being said, I think series aimed at teens should use sex scenes responsibly. Euphoria is a complicated case because it was not aimed at a teen audience but lots of teens were watching it.

[@Alalea17]

Disabled Representation when?

[@LiP-gh6rr]

plz share your thoughts on the idol because they trash intimacy coordinators in the first episode 1st scene

[@yourfavoritepessimisticexi8041]

As someone who just graduated high school, it's always bothered me how excessive the sex scenes are in teen shows. These are supposed to be MINORS. I understand people are having sex at my age, but there's a difference between representing that aspect of teendom and just full on exploiting it/oversexualizing the teenage characters. If they wanna be this excessive with the amount of sex scenes, why not have the stories take place in college?

[@Acidfunkish]

Regarding, "why not in college?" I've seen a lot of people make this argument, even in relation to Cuties. And, even in general, it kind of misses the point, doesn't it? What makes it inherently better to sexualize college-aged kids? And why can't you tell honest stories about minors, even if sexual exploration is part of it? Like it is for most of our coming-of-age stories. But, especially in relation to Cuties, it's an awful argument, IMO. Cuties was supposed to make audiences uncomfortable, at certain points. It would have been seen as all gratuitous fun, if it were college girls. Because it's alright to sexualize them, the minute they turn 18, right? Countdown clock style. Nobody even blinks, when pre-teen and teen shows joke about crunchy socks, or making sure to knock - and wait - before entering a boy's room. But, girls sexy dancing was too far, for the internet. It just seems silly.

[@OReily08080]

​@@AcidfunkishI resonated with certain things that you said, but what's your point? It's probably late for me, and I can't fully grasp what you're saying. Like why show graphic scenes at all or something about consistency?

[@OReily08080]

​@@AcidfunkishI do see the idea that audiences might feel justified to sexualize the chatacters if it were a college setting. My first thought was that they'd feel more confortable and relatable. But even "The S** Lives of College Girls," it was as graphic as the teen shows.

[@KiaraWilliamsX]

Right, a lot of terrible things can happen at any age, that doesn’t mean they’re ok or that we should normalize them. It’s sick fr. For the longest time I felt like I would get bombarded with hate because I’ve always been against things like euphoria but now people wanna talk about it…

[@Acidfunkish]

@@OReily08080 Personally, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with it. It's a normal part of growing up. There should be appropriate, honest depictions, depending on the target demographic. Young teens definitely don't need to see graphic depictions, but there should still be honest discussions, at least. But, when the target audience is adults, it's usually fine. But, if it doesn't need to exist, it doesn't always need to be there. I agree with that. But, it's still an art form, and it's not really anyone else's decision, beyond the creators. But, using the example of Cuties, if they were to sub in college-aged girls, the overarching morale would have been completely lost on 99% of the audience. It wouldn't have had a message, anymore, at all. The majority of the audience still missed the message, but I think that was mostly a framing and marketing issue. There were def some odd choices, when it came to that. IMO, the message was something like, "Pre-teen girls will inevitably start experimenting with feeling sexy, and without parental guidance and supervision, that can put them into situations they don't understand or know how to appropriately deal with." A lot of girls can at least somewhat relate to that. Growing up as a girl can be ROUGH. Sub in college girls, and there is no discomfort, no morale, nothing of artistic value left. Still not a good movie, IMO. But, the internet completely overreacted.

[@AJ-cq5pw]

This is a weird analogy, but whenever I think about 20 to 30 year olds playing teens, I think of the way the sims 4 made teens look exactly like young adults in the game. Teens in most teen shows are always very mature looking and have very mature bodies. Yes there are people develop early and go through puberty at an early age, I was one of them, but not all teens have ripped bodies and huge boobs with hourglass figures. You never see teens on these shows with acne or any flaws. Their makeup is always on point and the schools they go to never have dress codes so that the teen girls can wear booty shorts and short skirts (Looking at you Euphoria). Like dress codes are definitely sexist, so I'm not pro-dress code or anything but it feels like they do these things on purpose to sexualize the teens even more. And side note: teens on teen shows always have perfect looking lives. They live in suburban areas and go to upper-class high schools, and everything looks glossy and immaculate. Teen shows are very strange honestly.

[@LangkeeLongkee]

I mean for one there's child labour reasons why they cast adults to play teens usually. Adults are easier to work with than children so if your show is about 16 to 17 year olds it's easier to hire 18 to 20 somethings. And actors tend to play characters younger than them a lot, not just adults playing teens but 5 year olds play 3 year olds, 17 year olds play 14 year olds etc etc. Also I don't think teens always have perfect lives in these things, but when they don't have perfect lives it's a big deal. Like it's part of their arc rather than just being a thing.

[@morganyu812]

That's because the rich high school kid genre generates more popularity. That's why the Elite and Gossip Girl gets so much buzz.

[@alisonmercer5946]

The more things change the more they stay the same😂 u just described every teen show ever😢 omg degrassi high the original seasons are kind of more realistic

[@IshtarNike]

@@LangkeeLongkee if you contrast American shows with British ones you'll see that there is a big difference and American shows nowadays almost exclusively represent the upper middle class as if it's the norm. They don't have perfect lives socially but financially they're always doing well with the exception of one or two characters who maaaybe characterised as poor but usually that just means they're poorER than the rest and not actually poor poor.

[@LangkeeLongkee]

@@IshtarNike hence why I said when they're not its usually a big deal and not just how they are, something about as notable as them liking green. Wealth porn, escapism maybe?? Also context, I'm not American and I'm am adult, I don't watch teen shows really, I watch people talk about them but I don't watch them myself especially not ones where the core of the show is everyday teen drama

[@arualblues_zero]

If there's one thing I really like about Sex Education (the show) is that when it portrays sex between teenagers, I don't feel that it invites the audience to be titillated by it. I love that it shows how sometimes at that age the whole experience can be sloppy, awkward or clumsy too, without ridiculing the person.

[@loveydovey3631]

i feel the exact same wayy and was just talking to my friend about this. the sex in sex education doesn’t seem to be there just because and actually has a purpose

[@daisykisses8803]

Yeah. Sex education did a good job balancing what the story was really about and who they characters were rather than just focusing mostly on the sexual parts.

[@bekaz13]

I also want to mention Heartbreak High. It has a similar emphasis on sex and curricular vs social/online sex education, as well as social stigmas and ideas of glorification vs shame. And it's incredibly diverse, including not only many characters of color, but also characters who are queer, nonbinary, autistic, and (unconfirmed so far but pretty clearly) on the ace spectrum.

[@arualblues_zero]

@@bekaz13 Thanks for the tip, I never saw that one. I will give it a go!

[@dontmicrowavecats]

THANK YOU for bringing ace and aro people into the conversation. So many times we are left out, or disregarded because they want sex on screen and so we are deemed "not interesting". I personally don't like how queer folk are represented usually only through sex where, as the watcher you can't be sure if the character is queer until they have sex (plus let's not forget the obsession with virginity in general). The queer experience is so much more than your choice in partner and we are missing that.

[@moonbunnygw8342]

Ugh this,even other queer people are guilty of this- usually queer stories and rep end up being romantic or sexual relationships only

[@merrymachiavelli2041]

Sure...but if it's a TV show about slaying vampires or investigating crimes or a space opera, the fact that a character (who may or may not ordinarily have much screentime), is gay or aro/ace is not going to be relevant or visible until choice of partner is a plot point. What representation are you after here? Random secondary characters staring into the distance and musing to themselves about heteronormativity?

[@ladyzoe5734]

(I say this as someone who loooooves seggs, who wanted to study seggs and sociology as a career,) society has placed so much importance on heterosexual seggs (not even pleasure but the idea of having or not having seggs) that it’s turned into something that so heavily defines a person. Seggs is great and I hope anyone who wants pleasure can have the resources and safe spaces to responsibly explore seggs. We also need to make sure kids and teens know there’s a lot more to life than a man and woman doing 3 mins of missionary. Sorry not sorry. We don’t teach pleasure, we don’t teach ethical self pleasure, we have teens growing up with a dependency on Phub, a lot of pressure to prove themselves as a seggsual being and unrealistic expectations. Seggs is everywhere but where is the pleasure?

[@EleiyaUmei]

And that lack of care about pleasure is also reflected in the smut fics you find online where teenagers (among others) both get impressions of how seggs might be and share their own impressions of it. It's often just descriptions of acts and no main focus on pleasure imho.

[@EleiyaUmei]

@@therethere-gx4ut Hey, don't drag (a semblence of) biological essentialism into this, talking about "male brains". It's socialization that leads to mainly (cishet) men treating or depicting sex like that.

[@hotcheetodust8566]

❤❤spot on

[@EleiyaUmei]

@@therethere-gx4ut I'm not a native English speaker so what do I know? Can you tell me where that expression comes from and why it doesn't mean "possessing a male brain"? Or just tell me where you heard or read it and/or who used it with the meaning you talked about. The only dictionary entry I found was on Urban Dictionary and the definition didn't match yours.

[@oldssierra]

this

[@NiCoDeimus]

It would be incredible to see more ace/aro/queerplatonic relationships portrayed in general, as well as in teen programming. Perhaps showrunners should consult with therapists and health professionals about the most asked sex questions, then address those issues in their shows. Literally answer the questions that your intended audiences are interested in.

[@sunshineeee]

Yessssss I wish. I think seeing that would've helped me realize way earlier that I was acespec. Also yes definitely on the second aspect as well!!

[@eternallustformedusa4844]

i wish there was more of a focus generally on platonic relationships, both in and out of media. friendships can be just as full filling, you just have to treat them with the same priority as romantic relationships.

[@kissit012]

This would be great. Hopefully it gets to a point of displaying the diversity in Ace spectrum people, not just “you’re broken/weird because you don’t want your genitals touched by others, but that’s ok”. Honestly we’d be better at displaying intimacy and romance in healthy ways outside of sex, which many allistics seem to struggle greatly with (hence the video topic)

[@sunshineeee]

@@kissit012 did you mean allo 😭 /neu /lh

[@muntu1221]

​@@kissit012"Honestly, we'd be better-" Let me stop you right there. It's not sexual attraction that makes people struggle with non-sexual forms of intimacy. Societal expectations of relationships affects everybody, including ace people. Sexual attraction isn't distracting people from learning how to be affectionate in a healthy way, and the lack of it isn't making people better at healthy expressions of love.

[@kayenjee]

Even though teen characters are usually played by actors who are adults, I always wondered who wants/needs to see the teen characters in seggsual situations? I'm greysexual, so to be fair, s3x scenes in movies/shows always made me uncomfortable 😅

[@ladygrey4113]

Yep, Degrassi was blunt about their characters having sex but didn’t show more than needed to convey their point.

[@absolutelynotellen]

Hello fellow asexual person! I feel like, i prefer that you gave some "hints" that the characters had sex rather than showing it. Sometimes, the less, the better. Especially, in this topic we're talking about teen shows.

[@alpacafish1269]

SAME. Sex scenes in general to me are like... why. what for? and right in front of my salad. the audacity.

[@LangkeeLongkee]

Realistic I guess. Cause actual teenagers at least talk about it.

[@bryna7]

​@@LangkeeLongkeeI doubt most teens are having sex. They are just getting the undue pressure of having sex like in media and porn and looking a certain way, especially girls.

[@LegendaryCS4]

I am very pro HEALTHY sexuality. I understand the movement against purity culture, but for me, going from one extreme to the other isn’t a good representation of what sex/sexuality should be. Don’t want to have sex? Awesome. Want to never settle down? Power to you. The issues come with hyper-sexuality and the implications it has on AFABs especially. I was raised in a very strict and religious household and was a virgin later in life since I simply couldn’t date- which never bothered me, but it definitely was awful because of how men treated me, and how they openly admitted they were “after” me to “pop my cherry”, and everyone thought that was super funny and normal. In reality, sex and sexuality are personal, and the standards and representation in TV create expectations and ideals which are impersonal, objectifying, and often degrading. If I could redo my early 20s, I’d NEVER let men disrespect me the way the did in the bedroom again. I still have trauma about it to this day, and wondered what was wrong and “broken” about me when I was just a human being with emotions and wanted basic respect.

[@Armaggedon185]

Separate from sex, I suspect a lot of shallow writing for underage characters is symptomatic of society's general unwillingness to reflect on their past selves and experiences. I mean, it's weird that a lot of talk about teenagers is like they're a separate demographic of people, right?

[@healgoth]

Look at the Cuties debacle, when it’s too honest, people get uncomfortable when posed with questions that have no clear answers

[@Abii-s]

I’m 16 and I honestly hate how much sex is in media directed towards teens. And it’s always old men who write and direct these scenes and honestly it’s gross. And I’m not against sex scenes cos they definitely have a place in teen shows (blood and water for example, only shown briefly and is only to push the plot along (mostly))

[@melikaaziminia9522]

Blood and water!!!!!

[@omarhourani1933]

i transitioned at 13 and when i was 15 years old i watched euphoria. i remember feeling so connected to the character jules because that was my first time i ever saw another trans girl in a show who had emotions and thoughts i relate to. pretty soon after watching euphoria i decided to download grindr which was how i ended up losing my virginity to an adult. im 19 now and i struggle a lot with how i started expressing my sexuality because tbh it’s not euphoria’s fault that i felt inspired by the show, i was in a really bad situation with my family and was particularly vulnerable, to me the problem here is the fact that i was a child who was vulnerable enough to see a show and try to recreate it

[@KiaraWilliamsX]

Sorry that happened. Shows should be careful especially teens specifically is their audience I assume. And parents need to actually pay attention.

[@jaginaiaelectrizs6341]

@@KiaraWilliamsX When it's rated TV-MA .. the audience is theoretically not technically supposed to be teens, even if it is _about_ teens. Which brings in a whole lot of other debates.

[@omarhourani1933]

@@jaginaiaelectrizs6341 yeah to be honest i shouldn’t have even been watching euphoria at that age in the first place, but i think it’s inevitable for a show about teenagers to not be viewed by teenagers, especially on streaming services. also euphoria specifically has a lot of aspects of the plot that young people will like, a reason i really liked euphoria was because of the drama in it, also all my friends that were my age liked it for the same reason, because of the drama and cute outfits and the aesthetic of it. even though the show is rated mature it doe not have a mature tone to the story

[@DiaMonD_KUROI]

i hope you're ok, that's a really shitty thing to go through...

[@flowerpower250]

As a very sexual person someone who had to educate themselves on sex as a teenager, I still don’t think we need to see teenagers having that much sex on screen. That’s not what I needed as a teenager, what I needed was detailed, feminist, queer inclusive, age appropriate sexual education. How I feel about sex scenes in teenage shows is that it should have a purpose and be necessary to the story line. I always use Sex Ed and Euphoria as examples. Granted, I haven’t watched Sex Ed in a minute, but I remember all the sex scenes being relevant to the storyline in each episode. And they were awkward at times and just felt more like what teenagers experience. On the other hand, Euphoria (esp season 2) just felt like it had sex scenes for no reason other than to sexualize the women in the show. And it didn’t handle sensitive topics like sex work (specifically being a cam girl) with care. I remember while watching season 1 (I myself was a teenager), I felt like Kat was so empowered and such a badass. But in retrospect what she was doing was dangerous and she had no clue what she was getting herself into. I stopped watching Elite as well bc of this. It lost all of its plot and just became about teenagers having lots of sex. And without the proper tools, it can be difficult for teenagers watching these shows to be able to differentiate between what is appropriate and safe and what is unrealistic and risky behavior.

[@myriamtouil3347]

Exactly ❤❤❤

[@serenediipity]

i remember being in middle school when my friends from dance class recommended pretty little liars to me. i only watched a handful of episodes cause it wasn't my taste, but looking back i realize how wild it was to be suggested such a mature show by other 13 year olds. to me it feels like adults create propoganda of how teenagers should act and a good number of us believe it to be the truth. instead of just letting teenagers grow at their own rates, we create a standard of things that are "cool" to have done by the age of 18 and it gets a lot of literal children into scary/uncomfortable situations because they're fed this notion of how they should behave. one of my 11th grade teachers once told us that half of all 16-year olds had already had seggs and there's often the idea that all of those ppl who had already done it by that age did it in the most ideal, glamorous circumstances when that likely wasnt the case due to our problem with rushing teenagers, then shaming them. i'd be more alright with such scenes in movies/tv if it wasn't this perfectly choreographed fantasy that all these 30 year old writers seem to push so heavily

[@rses916]

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

[@Blahgirl283]

Weird that your teacher would say something like that when research was showing the opposite to be true: that most in this generation were not having their first sexual experiences until early 20s…

[@TheYoungKilljoy]

IKR, I am a 19-year-old and this shows make me feel like I am weird or that I am not living my life to the fullest just because I am not having sex, even though I am relatively independent and have met amazing people from different cultures and have great friendships. It is not only ace spectrum people who are not having sex, the great majority of my college friends are virgins as well. In my perspective, we are culturally pushed to perform sexuality in a certain way and at the exact same pace (even though we are still individuals), and you are so shamed when you do not keep up with that, I am still trying to be loyal to myself and not give in to the culture for fear of not fitting. Btw, reducing the worth of people to their sexuality is rotting people's brains, it seems that is the only think they care about and it's so tiring.

[@milkyboba.2466]

@@TheYoungKilljoy i relate to this as well (I'm also 19 lol)

[@daisykisses8803]

Has anyone else been bothered that Hollywood would always pick VISUALLY grown adults to play children? That always bothered me.

[@ladygrey4113]

Like i get a lot of folks don’t get medically accurate sex Ed…but can we have stuff like Degrassi back that were actually honest about what could happen. Degrassi may have been semi soap opera but at least it was made with actual teens in mind and played by teens

[@morganyu812]

Lol wym semi?

[@Daydreamerr13]

Tbh I lived for the dramatics , same in secret life of an American teenager but I know it’s also v cringe to most 😂

[@LokiTaviel]

I teach classes on sexual and kink negotiation, which means that sex as a topic is a normal part of my day, and something that I am used to being around. I also have a teenager, and can absolutely say that she doesn't have the emotional maturity for the amount of sexual content that she's around at her age. Given how much sex is in teen programming and spaces, it creates a situation where teens need to sexual, or are expected to openly flaunt sexuality, where I think they need to be focusing on learning how to interact with others as people without being horrible gremlins. I'm all for having small moments that mean something for a larger story, but sex for the fact that teens are canoodling is absolutely too much, and unfortunately incredibly common.

[@liichkiing]

As a person who has comfortably known I was asexual since I was twelve years old, the oversaturation of sex in teen media made me so unbelievably insecure as a teenager. I knew that I didn't want to have sex! And yet I was so deeply embarrassed and ashamed of that part of my identity. I was okay with it, but sometimes I would just have these devastating moments where I'd wonder if I could ever be normal or whole like everyone else. My friends started talking about sex more as we got older, and I felt like I was just a child still because of the sort of status placed on sex and all of that jazz. I desperately wish I could have seen my own reality reflected on screen, not to mention that other people would understand better. So many people told me that I would feel sexual attraction eventually. I'm about twenty now, and still nothing. So those people can go fuck themselves if they want to think about sex so badly.

[@meowtation]

I feel bad, when I hear stories like that, because people for a long time are gonna have conflicts, where it's unnecessary. Eventually you realised, that there is nothing wrong with you. But the amount of insecurities this places on you as a young person, is just pressuring, because u don't fit the "stereotype". I'm glad, you've overcame it. You are a strong person for that and don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

[@edamamame4U]

I hear you! As a biromantic asexual women I was told that I was broken and needed to be fixed through horrible "corrective therapies" (just another fancy word for conversion therapies) like medication and hypnosis therapies which kind of left me traumatised and with a lot of self-loathing. I am extremely sex positive, but I just never got into some of the teen shows when I was younger because they made me feel like I was worthless and wasn't fulfilling my "duty" as a women to have sex by a certain age. I highly, highly doubt that I'll live to see a positive representation of asexuality on screen (no, I don't see Bojack Horseman as a positive representation of asexuality as it still kind of links asexuality with mental illness) without us being the brunt of the joke, but I can wish...

[@liichkiing]

@@meowtation Omg ur so kind, thank u. I'm doing so much better now that I'm out of the toxicity that was my high school experience, haha. Self acceptance is hard sometimes, but I'm a big advocate for not giving a fuck what people think about u. I am sending u good vibes.

[@liichkiing]

@@edamamame4U Oh my gosh I'm so sorry u have had to go through that. I am sending you so much love. Ur very strong for being able to stay true to urself through all of that. I hope that things are going okay for u. I like to be optimistic about the future of representation for people like us on screen, but I know how impossible that that feels (as a nonbinary asexual and autistic person finding characters like me that I can resonate with is really fucking hard). Someday things are gonna be better. They have to be, y'know?

[@daisykisses8803]

I am so sorry. This is why I’m glad that we are finally opening ourselves to all types of ppl and being more considerate about the different types of sexualities and identities.

[@solarmoth4628]

I think the pressure from teen shows did kind of get to me. Sex Education and euphoria came out the year I had sex for the first time. Like I was so stressed about going into my twenties a virgin. And I wish I waited bcs it wasn’t how I imagined it would go at all. But I think I felt like my teendom was going to be wasted if I failed to do it. at some level I recognized TV portrayals as entirely unrealistic but I still felt like maybe I was just to boring and that’s why my life wasn’t like that 😅 and I am a boring introvert but I’m comfortable with that now. Even shows about college aged people and those in their early twenties show people having really full sex lives that I just don’t think I’ll ever relate too, especially not in this COVID era. I just wish the emphasis on sex as the marker of adulthood was lessened.

[@Minihood31770]

I'm a guy in my mid 20s and I do often feel like I missed out on having sex while at university, because it's always portrayed as like everyone is having so much sex at university. Am I abnormal because I never did? Especially difficult is I'm living with parents again, I rarely get out to meet people, so it's not exactly likely it's going to happen for the foreseeable future. And that's OK! It's obviously silly to feel bad about it. I thoroughly enjoyed my time at uni and I don't need to have had sex for any reason to make it worthwhile or some such nonsense. I am not lesser just because I've not done it. I am a full adult human being. I suppose I just wish I didn't have to keep reminding myself that, because the culture is so insistent on the opposite.

[@dysmissme7343]

💜 I feel you, I really do

[@sirlonnaldii9110]

The grim truth behind sexuality and youth is we tend to feed and rely too much on the constructions of virtue and innocence. I’m not making the argument that one shouldn’t, but when that ideology blinds you to the realities of life or make you forget you were a child/teen with ‘feelings’, it becomes a damaging disservice that has the most impact on the youth; even when it goes as far as individuals advocating for youth’s bodily autonomy and consent at every age only being understood as a predator or potentially a predator. Ignorance protects predators and creates victims.

[@bryna7]

There are more young girls nowadays with negative feelings toward sex and the whole sex positive movement because they have felt like they have to do everything in media and porn. They have boys choking them and being violent, and they don't want to be called a prude or mocked for not wanting that stuff.

[@sirlonnaldii9110]

@@bryna7 yeah, just the same as with boys who get molested and will never say anything because within a patriarchal system… “Men can’t be victims.” The patriarchal approach to raising children perpetuates a system that creates victims of both sexes and all genders. Keeping children sheltered, not insisting they should be thrown in the ocean, keeps them from knowing what a good touch vs what a bad touch is. All they are told is to have unquestioned respect and be prompt when “listening to their elders/ olders” I wouldn’t want to speculate on how genuine you are being when interacting with my opinion, but perhaps, if we had more of an open dialogue and less of a negative connotation regarding the matter… We wouldn’t have a culture where boys go to porn to learn how to engage in sex.

[@giantwoman4958]

I feel it's unrealistic to think that teenagers aren't having sex or not thinking about sex. When I was younger I came from a neglectful and abusive household, and I rushed into having sex when I was 15. I realize now that I was groomed by a lot of older men. Songs, entertainment, society, and an abusive household pushed me in that direction. Now that I am a mom, I am about breaking generational cycles and I believe in youth liberation. Throughout my children's lives, we have had age-appropriate conversations surrounding consent, and sex. I am trying to leave shame out of those conversations. I do feel that tv shows etc, that have sex in their shows involving teenagers have a responsibility to not objectify, or create content that is exploitative. Sex for sex sake is not for teenagers, that are curious and exploring. Not every houshold will be like mine, so I would really like shows be more responsible , and treat teenagers characters with more dignity.

[@saf8514]

As a college student rn, I really wish shows highlighted the pressure to have sex without unironically playing into it. Whenever someone chooses to abstain whether that be from being asexual, religious reasons, personal reasons, or due to previous assault/ trauma, making them "develop" by "overcoming" that and loosing their virginity just plays into our hypersexual culture. Gen Z culture is not that of purity culture. Within our media (shows music etc), to the spread and normalization of p0rn, teenagers are becoming objectified more than ever, for all genders. The expectation that teenagers will have or want to have sex is not wrong, but the expectation that ALL teens do is not true and does a diservice to those who do not feel that way. A lot of people, myself included feel wrong or broken for our lack of sexuality. I hope the future of sex ed includes discussion of the variety of different sexualities, discusses unhealthy relationship dynamics such as grooming, discusses consent and assault INCLUDING what to do if you or someone you know has been assaulted, and talks about things like hypersexuality from trauma or asexuality from trauma.

[@raquelmelo639]

As I’ve always thought, I just don’t think that teen shows can portray seggs that THEY SHOULD. I was like you: although I was not interested in sex, I was not ashamed of talking with others about this topic and asking questions too. Shaming kids for having sexual thoughts and desires only increased the teen pregnancy rates and STDs. And I’m really glad that nowadays people are worried in representing non straight relationships in that kind of media, even Asexual and aroace spectrums. BUT, a point that I agree with the “prude” side of this controversy is that many of the actual teen shows are not portraying this topics in a responsible way, many times glamourizing topics like abusive relationships, unsafe sex and stuff. And shows like Euphoria have some unquestionable choices of framing some parts bodies in sex scenes and the costumes for the actresses that supposed to be teens in this series (Cassie that most infamous example).

[@mzgreenjeansapproves]

This whole discussion reminds me when I stopped watching Teen Wolf. There was a spicy scene and was liking it until I realized that the *characters* were 16/17 and I immediately felt gross. It wasn't to further the paper thin plot but just show sexy MTV stuff. I then thought about the crappy parents and I was done. I understand that my experiences aren't everyone's experiences and it's important to show different experiences. I just am tired of hypersexual experiences being the norm. I believe Ace/Aro/Demisexual should most definitely get more screen time.

[@KiaraWilliamsX]

Teen wolf? I never watched it but I thought it was tame. It probably was compared to a lot of new shit. I understand it still being uncomfortable tho. I felt the same with shows I was watching too. And most of those scenes faded to black.

[@sophiaisabelle01]

It’s concerning to see so much graphic scenes in films and shows. The young people get enticed to watch them, and in return, they mimic what they saw on screen. We appreciate your insights on this matter. They’re genuinely helpful

[@CarysCreatesThings]

I was born in the mid-80s, & I grew up watching reruns of Degrassi Jr High/Degrassi High. I recently decided to rewatch the latter, & for a teen show that aired in an afternoon time slot it was pretty graphic. It’s funny that adults insist the media shoves seggsuality down kids’ throats & that “TV wasn’t like that in my day!” when half the shows I watched as a kid/teen would be heavily censored or toned down today.

[@carlaangelaferrer5871]

I'm Gen X and I watched the OG Degrassi the first time around 😂. I grew up in the Philippines which can be ultra conservative when it comes to media censorship and I was surprised they even allowed it to air! It's possible though that the censorship board may have cut a lot of things out upon viewing later on in life in Canada. But you're right OG Degrassi was miles ahead of its time and not in a scandalized, salacious way or at least that's how I feel.

[@v1rtual-angel]

i’m a gen z-er who decided to sit down and binge watch degrassi, and let me tell you! my pearls were clutched several times throughout the duration! but i didn’t feel the need to awkwardly scramble to pause it when my mom walked in. i really feel like our generation needs something like it, a healthy medium between comfortable to watch with your parents and dark topics. i like all these dark, edgy shows, but give me some fun! something that doesn’t make me contemplate my life after watching 😭

[@gemmamoon5998]

Of the shows that came out in and around my high school years, the ones that feel the most relatable are SKAM and its remakes. Some shows, like Sex Education, Never Have I Ever, and Grand Army were great, but came out pretty late in my high school career (and Heartstopper after I graduated), and some broader comedies, like Derry Girls, PEN15, and American Vandal, accurately reflected adolescence. But as early Gen Z, the first time I ever felt seen by a show was SKAM. It’s imperfect, but I believe it really paved the way for more honest, thoughtful teen-oriented shows and I hope the trend continues, not the Euphoria/Riverdale/Elite fare.

[@alyxxm1019]

yooo american vandal is THE best teen show! realistic as hell, plus had characters talk about sex without ever needing sex scenes

[@lynnhettrick7588]

I watched only Season 3 of SKAM (OG and France). It does seem to show teens that would be relatable to other teens.

[@gemmamoon5998]

@@lynnhettrick7588 The first season was so relatable. It was just about a girl struggling to find new friends after a falling out and dealing with a romantic relationship that lacks trust. It really felt like I was watching someone rediscover themselves after losing the friendships that had attached them to childhood.

[@gemmamoon5998]

@@alyxxm1019 bro the first time i watched it (in high school) i turned to my twin we agreed it was the best representation of gen z we’d seen

[@vainpiers]

So many of these stories could be told and would make more sense in a college/uni setting. They don't need to be about 15/16 year old they can be about 18/19/20 year olds

[@katerrinah5442]

This. I'm 30. I don't want to watch actual teen shows. I also don't want to watch adults pretending to be teens in high school... I'm fucking 30, I don't want to watch shows set in highs school. Why would I want to be reminded of that time?

[@creaturetapped]

The idea of making a scene intended to be sexy with child characters, and the idea of being an adult and getting a sexual kick from watching it has always grossed me out. Even if the actors are over 18, aren't you meant to suspend your disbelief and think of them as the characters they're playing? Watching scenes like that, I'd never be able to get it out of my head that it's a 16 year old I'm meant to be watching.

[@CheekSoup]

Our school district finally has a more comprehensive health curriculum that does start talking about bodily autonomy and consent from kindergarten. Unfortunately there was a huge fear mongering campaign by conservative religious groups in the area and the parents who bought into that are choosing to opt out of health for their kids even in kinder. (they literally have two health lessons in k!) The lessons are completely age appropriate and they don’t even mention bodies in any context other than keeping them healthy and respecting everyone’s body boundaries. It’s so sad and frustrating.

[@unseenmolee]

i was hypersexual as a very young kid becasue it was so normalized to me in the media i was consuming. it felt like something i had to do since im afab im the one being objectified and i felt like i had to lean into that to take some control, until i realized i didnt want that at all, and tht im not even a "girl" or a "woman" and... idk its so complicated and i do agree its important to show sex in shows for a lot of reasons.. but seeing kids my age in shows being sooo hypersexual really warped my view of sex for a long time, and it gave me a lot of shame feeling like i was ugly and unlovable because i couldnt preform that ideal

[@devofficialchannel]

I'm hoping that you'll be able to find peace within your life and be happy with yourself.

[@EllinIsLivid]

Wait a young kid??? Wdym?? Like 9??

[@unseenmolee]

@@EllinIsLivid the earliest i can remember is being like 5 and talking with kids at school abt sex 😭 its so wild looking back.. like it really felt so normal to me at the time but yeah... and like im gen z so ive had unfiltered access to it all my life basically, i think i saw the "2 girls 1 cup" video when i was like 9 or 10 💀💀 honestly it probably traumatized me a little bit, not just watching that vid but just in general being hypersexual so young really messed with me

[@LoveCrumb]

Teen shows should continue to have sex-positive, inclusive and responsible sex scenes, but when these shows oversexualize their young characters to the camera, to elicit a "that's hot," reaction from the audience...I find it so unbearably cringe and gross to think of adults enjoying that content, and the adults who wrote and filmed that scene even more so. Like, what are we even doing here? Who is this for? WHY is this for??? I'm on the ace spectrum, so I already find it frustrating how so many shows focus on physical attraction, sex, and reducing people to their parts, while ignoring intimacy, humanity, and other forms of attraction. Sex should be a piece of the pie, not most of the pie 😅, though I agree that Sex Education did a lot more things right than wrong!

[@creakimoi2958]

Sex in media, even for teens, can be good, imho. Sex is normal part of life for many folks...it can also be used to show teenagers how sex and sexuality can be weaponized, the effects of abuse regarding sex and weaponizing sex, etc. But I am also the person that thinks there too much sex in media in general. I've seen too many shows and too many movies where it was incredibly apparent that the media had no way to move a plot or had no plot for that moment so...sex. But also the commodification of sex...it's apparent many shows also have sex because "sex sells" and so, overall, I think it would be worth examining that and perhaps...take the hot air balloon method to sex scenes.... There's a meme that basically says that when you're writing...if a scene can be made more impactful in a hot air balloon, put it in a hot air balloon (which the flipside to that would be that if a scene isn't made more impactful in a hot air balloon...you can leave the hot air balloon out....impactful does not equate to more tantalizing content for sale) Also, before someone jumps me for "suggesting pr0n be for teens" rhetoric...A fade to black scene is still having sex in your media...talking about sex...either in the general or as a discussion after the fact...is still having sex in your media.

[@bjorx88]

Growing up in Sweden earlier 2000's I thought american teens were all precious puritans who freaked out about thing like having sex at age 17-18 or having a few drinks one time. That's the impression I got from watching teen shows. I think this and the oversexualisation is two sides of the same coin. Sex is treated like some spectacle to draw in an audience, rather than a normal part of life.

[@queerlybeloved257]

oooh can't watch rn but very much looking forward to hearing your thoughts on this topic later :) it's always kinda surprising to me how sex-heavy content about/aimed at teens is, especially considering how many friends and acquaintances of mine did NOT start exploring sex until their twenties. honestly, a lot of drama in our teen-circles came not from "who's sleeping with who" but, like, friendship tensions, breakups, attempts at healings, etc. as we grew and changed as far as our values and priorities in high school. not to say all high schools or social circles were like mine, but i've met enough people in my twenties who've told me "oh yeah i didn't have sex in my teens" to know this is not an uncommon story.

[@madelinevlogs5898]

Same here. About half my friends had sex around 16-18, and I had my first time recently at 21. Some of my friends are in their late teens-early twenties and are inexperienced. Everyone should do things in their own time

[@podpoe]

why do we make so many shows about teenagers in the first palce? we have a weird obsession with youth. not even to mention all the s*x stuff. i think production comapnies and writers need to take more responsibility for what their media is portraying. big companies should hire directors who they know can handle sensitive material with children. cough not sam levinston cough

[@AlwaysAmTired]

When I answered the poll, I was coming from the point of view of being an adult seeing these scenes and feeling uncomfortable with adults sexualizing and consuming the sexualization of teens. I question the assumption that teen dramas are made for teen viewership and not for adults, and that the sex scenes should be viewed from the lens of teenager consumption. I'm just not sure that's how it plays out in reality.

[@justhearmeout3959]

"girl bosses deserve cunnilingus" made me laugh so hard 😂😂😂😂

[@BryonyClaire]

I love this so much! The way teen seggs is done in most media now is objectifying imo, there's plot then there's prawn, and trust me I'm no prude there's just a difference between portraying people experiencing things and wanting to show us how they feel so we can empathize with them and just outright including scenes so they can "push boundaries" and "be provocative" when all the scene does is undress and seggzualize the actors (who are pretending to be teens). There's just different ways of showing things and i don't think we're there yet in most cases

[@arielpearson4819]

Great vid! I have so many opinions about this topic that I can fit them all into one comment but I remember as a teen feeling like my sexuality was very f*tishized (as a black girl). This made me more uncomfortable than the adults who only wanted to push abstinence on me. It made me feel like no one took me seriously. And don't get me started with the homophobia of the '00s...

[@TheJanaRina]

I agree that hiring adult actors (or late teens) to play younger teenagers, so they can engage in sexual and adult situations is a way of avoiding the fact that teenagers are being sexualised in these situations. On top of that I also think like it creates unrealistic expectations of what you are meant to look like at 15, 16, 17. As a teenager you shouldnt feel like you need to measure up with a 23-25 year old.

[@neha-vg8yr]

im 16 and I agree with pretty much everything you said. If teenagers are going to be represented properly in tv then it wouldn't be right to miss out the aspect of sex which is part of most teenagers lives in some shape or form even if they themselves aren't having sex. I don't think sex scenes are necessary to portray that especially when they are written as if its adult characters having sex- the show sex education is really good at making people believe that they are actually jus awkward 17 year olds while still having explicit scenes and I think more shows should write them like that

[@sagebuttercrunch]

I really like what you said about educating kids at different ages. This kind of information is important. I work with kids and I can tell you from experience that avoiding s3x ed does more harm than good. Especially for middle schoolers and teens. I also think it's important to teach kids that there are boundaries adults should never cross with them and that it's important to tell people they trust when those boundaries are crossed.

[@jbslimshaddy]

When you said people like to use adults to play teens so we can sexualize teens!! That hit!!! That is so true!!! Also this is definitely the best video on this topic I've seen. Khadija never fails to deliver, & handles even the most difficult topics with gentleness & an open mind. I wish i had these videos when i was a teen. I could really have used this!!

[@KhadijaMbowe]

💕💕💕 and thank you

[@d_alistair-years]

The amount of people on Twitter who cussed THAT FILM who had Euphoria avatars was ridiculous to watch 🤦‍♂️ Glad someone else caught the hypocrisy

[@Imbatmn57]

I never understood why kids at my school were so obsessed with s*x and having boyfriends, especially when they date them first instead of being friends. I always thought life was more about exploring hobbies while figuring out how to live with yourself without nedding others to pull you up, im not saying to be without friends or other people, i just think we shouldnt have to be dating/seggs because its what everyone else is doing.

[@morganyu812]

Because women most of the time don't usually date their male friends. If we're talking in terms of heterosexual.

[@Imbatmn57]

​​@@morganyu812hats also a problem, kids are taught you cant be friends with the opposite sex without turning into a more intimate relationship, so sometimes the men think they're in the "friend zone" and take out on the girl because its expected for her to go out with him even if she's not comfortable with it. I hate those shirts that say little heartbreaker or lock up your daughters, and they're put on literal babies.

[@morganyu812]

​@@Imbatmn57Nah I don't think that's what it is. I don't think those teenagers are taught this per se. Most women befriend guys as an easier way to let down men they don't like because women have more options. Or vise versa with the guy friend zoning himself alot because he's scared of getting rejected or he stays friends because he lacks the available options. Which most men do.

[@austincde]

I think they just wanted some way to justify their frustrations, like I can't speak for every girl at that age but, just like adults, having **an "official" boyfriend was more like rumor control so you didn't get called an s-word while also making yourself seem well adjusted lol. Plus some people genuinely liked each other, I just think it's rare to find your "true love" in high school, but a lot of people just find their "true like" 💀

[@markigirl2757]

Yep sooo true I felt that pressure and wanted the idea of havjgn the perfect boy to date to up my status. Needless to say that backfired hardcore and I ended up in relationships that only taught me what I didn’t want lol I’m glad I met my now husband when I did bc that was the time I truly wanted a partner and a genuine connection and thus I found him pretty quickly

[@howdyitsren]

I love Khadija’s videos because I always leave understanding my own opinions and perspectives better. Whether I change my mind or reaffirm my stances, i better understand why I believe what I believe and what that means in a wider context. Nothing but love for Khadija!

[@rencogu2877]

14:16 the thing about game of thrones that i think some producers forget is that game of thrones made sure that all/most of the characters involved in sex scenes were aged up to be 18 and the shows were never intended to be for teens

[@morganyu812]

Disagree. Didn't the King in House of Dragons marry Alicent?

[@BlackJustice2637]

@morganyu812 yeah but we don't see seggs between them while she's underage. Also, in the original show, many of them were aged up. For example, Robb was like 13 in the books

[@WCRfan126]

Gosh, this video is so good! It perfectly illustrates all of the problems and feelings I feel like I've had with teen sex. ESPECIALLY your comment of "at what point is it just porn?" because YES that's SO TRUE! A sex scene that is inconsequential to the story and is only purpose is to arouse the audience is porn! And there's nothing wrong with enjoying that or liking that but we do need to call it what it is and not dance around it because, like you said, of the perpection that porn is for "degenerates". And, as someone who identifies as asexual, I really appreciate bringing up aro/ace representation in these shows, or the lack thereof. Personally I found teen sex in shows so isolating because it just further reminded me how I'm different because I was under the impression that's what teens were constantly doing so therefore I was doing it wrong. Not to mention how many of these same shows actively SHAME characters who come out to be virgins. You were basically being told by your favorite shows that you are a loser and an unlikable dork for being a virgin and not having teen sex like the cool kids. Sex in teen shows is important, I'm not discounting that at all. But the way it's been handled the past 20 years, in my opinion, is inappropriate and demoralizing. Once again, great video!

[@nbv6975]

One thing I feel that discussions like this often miss is that many kids have already experienced things like CSA long before they became teenagers. These conversations almost always imply that the teens who will be watching these shows are only just coming into their sexuality, so TV can either guide them into healthier first experiences with sexuality, or corrupt them and inspire them to have unhealthy first experiences. While that’s true for many teens, that absolutely isn’t true for all of them. There are more teens than you’d like to think who have been in contact with sex/sexuality for a very long time, and it is neglectful to ignore their experiences. I’m not saying all teen TV shows need to deal with the trauma of CSA in teenagers or something like that. Different experiences need to be told by different stories with different approaches. But I get tired of these conversations, even very thoughtful ones like these, ignoring the kids who need guidance through very different feelings/experiences, who might want emotional catharsis, or genuinely resonant representation of their experiences. Do I know how we should handle that? No (though if you want an imo very good but very dark example of good handling of this topic, watch the movie Mysterious Skin). But I do think we need to broaden how we think about sexuality and kids and what their needs are. Sexuality is not something that is always grown into, sometimes it is forcefully applied early, and the kids who experience that shouldn’t be left out of these discussions.

[@jadedcienna]

Any sort of inclusion (more than a pitying nod to the tragic and forever tainted CSA victim) would've helped me out a lot in my youth and young adulthood. I don't have any memories of ever not being sexual. I was abused over the course of a summer when I was around 3-4 years old, it's very literally my earliest memories. All I ever knew was to never ever talk about it not just because you're a kid and not supposed to know about any of that or have any of those feelings, but also because you're not normal and talking about it in any way will make people uncomfortable or maybe also somehow taint them just for having any association with you, like you're poison, like you shouldn't have survived. It's an extremely isolating way to grow up and I get the sense it's a way, way more common that any of us want to believe. I don't know how to go about creating media that could give any guidance or comfort for that kind of semi-permanent dissociation from oneself, but I kinda feel like a good place to start is maybe less sex scenes and more focus on like masturbation and relationship with oneself and one's own body instead of just focusing on relationships with others and their bodies.

[@no1quarterbackfan]

one thing about the sexualization of teenagers/young adults in media is that it often presents sex as a finish line or an accomplishment, which puts more pressure on teenagers to go into relationships with the intent of having sex and feeling “successful” from it. and i think this idea of sex as more of a “goal” can blind side teenagers into harmful relationships and experiences.

[@ruthspanos2532]

When I was a teen, the popular film was Porky’s. I’ve never seen it but there apparently was a scene with boys watching girls showering in the locker room. There was not much explicit stuff, but a ton of assault that was viewed as funny, as in 16 Candles. I think we watched the Romeo and Juliet with Olivia Hussey at school, but I don’t remember if they edited out the nudity. She recently said that she was coerced into doing the scene that way. Oh, and Brooke Shields was exploited in a couple of movies. I don’t remember the ratings for Blue Lagoon. People don’t remember the past when they claim everything is worse.

[@UTxTheArchangel]

I'd say when it comes to the difference between what actors do and porn, is actual sex happens in porn. Its very very rare for a sex scene in a movie or tv show to be legit sex. Usually they wear skin colored outfits and do some over the clothes movement and fake facial expressions. Even a lot of nude scenes aren't what they seem. A lot of nude scenes actually have a body double come in and do the nude scene and they use "clever" camera work and computers to have the actor face on the body. Bc of this it becomes a big deal and talked about forever when actors does actual have sex or pose nude. Examples being Halle Berry in Monster Ball and Janet Jackson in Juice. Its also why people talk about Aubrey Plaza's scene in "The To Do List"...which would be fitting to cover in this video. She was asked by the director to actually masturbate not simulate it. Aubrey thought all she would have to do is fake some pleasure faces. The SAG-AFTRA prohibits performing actual sex acts-categorized as “genital contact without a physical barrier.”

[@diandriasmith889]

Well, I think there is actually a lot of representation out there for lots of sexual orientations. The one group that does not seem to be represented, as far as I can see, is the teenagers who DIDN'T have sex in middle or high school. Like...no one is watching a show about a teen who is ignored by peers and whose only school experiences involve going to class, learning stuff, and doing the occasional extracurricular that ISN'T drugs or sex. Probably because that's too boring for the public. Also, people don't like incels and associate that term with active shooters.

[@austincde]

Mean Girls was kind of like that, Cady did kiss a guy and drink but it was mostly because she wanted to fit in & it was conducive to the plot and not gratuitous. Then she joined mathletes lol

[@diandriasmith889]

@@austincde Yeah nothing too crazy happened lol. I don't think they meant for it to be over the top though, since it was mostly a comedy. That movie is still hilarious

[@coconutl0vrr]

Hey! I’m a teen and I would like like to say how unrealistic a lot of teen shows are. not everyone’s fucking and when they are it’s not part of their personality usually 💀😅

[@ollie4716]

as someone who danced for years, the cuties backlash kinda puzzled me. it is pretty common practice in the dance world to have YOUNG kids dancing to pretty suggestive music, wearing revealing/form fitting costumes, and using their hips/butts as like. props. and obvi that is Weird As Hell, but it is very much normalized. i think cuties (i haven't seen it!) was trying to make people examine the things that we take for granted, and putting it in peoples faces made them uncomfortable.

[@morganyu812]

Gossip Girl is not that rated X for the way its false headlines was portrayed 😂. These marketers were full of 💩.

[@gpetty91]

Yes, this is a very important thing to talk about, but as someone in my 30s I'm literally screaming at the top of my lungs "what about the real negative high school/teen experiences that still traumatize individuals decades later?"

[@wordsofalegend8228]

It's really weird watching all this when you're like 13 or something then growing up to become 17 and actually experiencing that age and being in the mindset of that age then comparing yourself to other 17 yr Olds in shows and feeling this weird disconnect, like oh now I'm in that age of where I'm supposed to be having sex and looking like that during sex. And my stomach is supposed to be that flat, and oh is that only to be done with a man.

[@Amanda-0987]

I feel like Heartstopper is a show with a lot of great representation with minimal sexualisation of teenagers. I also appreciate that there is an ace character on the way, because I would have killed for that representation when I was younger, might have realised I was demi a lot earlier! I actually feel like, apart from the open queerness, Heartstopper is a show that is actually representative of my own teenage experience. Some people were dating, some people were having sex and some people weren’t. But we were all worried about it all, all of the time!

[@dazedconfuseds]

I liked Cuties, cos it was real! Coming to the UK as a kid I totally understand what the director was doing. I said it to a few people but they didn't understand. Looked at me as a freak.... probably said something similar in your video about it. Kids did the same thing but the director wasn't cancelled. I agree that there is alot of segg scenes in teen shows. Porn is there to inspire so what's the difference with the overly sexualisation? Nothing. But it comes down to the individual and how influenced they are. It never influenced me as I waited a long time. Some people might say too long. But now I wish I waited longer

[@whyismylifeweird4251]

Sometimes I actually wonder that if the director was Male/a Man, if he would get canceled for portraying underage girls, in such a Sexualized way… Maybe one of the reasons, some people don’t find the Director problematic is because she’s a Woman…. And apparently to some people it’s only creepy for young girls to be sexualized when it’s adult Men doing it.

[@yuriajones]

You touched on a lot here. One thing that stood out to me a lot is the idea that we (society) are putting a lot of pressure on media (TV shows, movies, etc) to teach young people about sex. I've always believed that we need a more proactive approach to teaching kids about sex and also (very important), making the distinction between sex, nudity, intimacy, etc.

[@sunshineeee]

It's definitely also important within this discussion to talk about the fact that at the end of the day it's adults and studios who continue to make and think this content is okay. It's not just gratuity in conversations abt sex in real life and portrayals of what sex looks like, but also in terms of audiences and having shows like these made by and for adults, in turn taking long amounts of time on gratuitous sexualizations of children

[@katielouise210]

oh my god skins.... what a throwback... i remember watching as a teen and thinking i was so weird for literally having no clue about anything they did/said... what a ride

[@CheySie]

I’m glad this was addressed. Teens shows are a lot different then when I grew up with Raven, Lizzie, Sister/Sister etc. All great shows that never needed to add sex into it. There’s something sinister to modern teen shows hypersexualizing young people. Side Note: I would love a video on your book recommendations. I need some new reading material ❤

[@tetramputecture]

To be fair, Degrassi has been a thing since the 80s. There’s a difference between family shows about teenagers and “teen” shows. Boy Meets World kinda moved across that spectrum throughout its lifetime. But I agree, there’s definitely a lack of age-appropriate teen programming out there. Disney and Nick don’t really try to appeal to that demographic anymore, and streaming services like Netflix and Max only want to make the more salacious stuff that’ll go viral.

[@CheySie]

@@tetramputecture Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind shows that utilize sex within storylines in a way that is respectful, positive and healthy in relation to real life experiences of young adults which I believe Boy Meets World did a great job of handling along with a few other teen shows. I do wish there was a balance between the teen shows that are a bit more mature, but also the ones that are more innocent. I was lucky enough to have watched shows that never emphasized the importance of sex as a young adult and it shaped my views on sex by not making it a focus of my life experience. However, this combined with lack of proper sexual education left me naive to sex when I finally went through that life stage. So I understand the need for shows which showcase it in a way that helps us understand both sex and our sexuality in a way that is healthy. But there is a problem when shows Euphoria or Riverdale for example insert sex into the show in a way that feels hollow and at the same time are standards for teen shows. It sets a dangerous foundation for creating a hypersexualized generation. It doesn’t help that the ones in control of these shows are straight white men so therefore at it’s core it’s done through the male gaze.

[@ar-yj8lb]

​@@CheySieidk why Euphoria gets roped in as a teen show when it's rated TV-MA, i know that it's it's own fault for making the characters teens instead of college students but I don't think it can really count as a teen show, it's a young adult show that has teen characters.

[@wildgr33n]

I hope you include anime in this because jfc some of the 'fan service' is insane esp when the characters are supposedly high schoolers lol

[@Kagomai15]

No I think parental rights don't supercede a child/teen's right to sexual education

[@kagamine14]

A lot of these shows sexualize teenagers. You can have story’s of teens revolving around their sexual awakening without showing two naked adults ramming each other on the screen moaning and groaning. I think stories of sexual awakenings rarely ever captures the feeling of it, instead they’re used as ways to manipulate each other and cause drama. As a teen I never really had a sexual moment like this. Like yeah my friends were all hormonal teens and we talked about a bunch of stuff, But we were also a mix of boys and girls with a shared interest. Most of my time went to that interest imo. But for some reason we really don’t have stories about co-ed teen friendships, without them all deciding to smash each other? Idk man my whore phase was in college where I felt comfortable enough to discover I was bi. But like seriously I wasn’t sexually into anything in highschool.

[@lynnhettrick7588]

I really enjoyed watching Young Royals (can’t wait for S3!). The writing is so good and seems to be very authentic feeling. Not everyone is having s3x. There’s even a scene when the girls say how many people they’ve had seggs with, and one responds, “Depends on your definition of seggs.”

[@ladyweirdo6035]

It's kinda funny that teen programming still has this problem with shows like Riverdale and Euphoria. Statistically, here in the US, Gen Z has the least amount of sex in comparison to generations before us. It's a bit insulting that the implications can be the only thing interesting and pivotal parts of teen life is the sex and romance. Like, most of us don't have sex and not everyone gets into a relationship. Talk about some family drama or how unfulfilling friendships can feel as a teenager in comparison to how it felt as a kid. Talk about what it's like to have assumptions made about you by those who are older than you. Talk about how you can expand your perspective when making friends of different races, classes, and orientations. Talk about the growing anxiety around inflation and how many teens are wondering if they'll ever be able to live on their own. Show them at their jobs. WHY DO TEENS SHOWS ALMOST NEVER HAVE THEIR CHARACTERs AT THEIR JOBS? Something else I'd like to mention that's not related to the video is that I'd like to know that there are shows surrounding Gen Z college-age and adult characters that exist.

[@lucasprobably]

i do think that parents shouldn't be allowed to take their kids out of sex ed because it's the easiest way to keep a child ignorant to the abuse they may be facing, it empowers abusive parents.

[@destined2bebossy]

We no longer have teen shows anymore. I don't categorize euphoria as a teen show, to me it's a show where the main characters are teenagers. Teen shows are like iCarly.

[@Marta-zm8oe]

Great video, the problem is the objectification during the sex scenes. They are very unrealistic for teenagers, since it is usally awkward and bad sex. They don'thave to show the sex on camera, just a couple of friends talking about what happened or cut the scene before getting very explicit. Also, there is too much enphasis on sex. When I was a teen I moslty focused on grades, hobies, friends, family drama, and getting to uni. Many people aorund seemed to be having sex but not very often unless they had a partner. I was waiting to feel sexually attracted enough to someone to have sex with and that didn't happen until very late, but I felt lots of pressure. Portraying teenage sexual experiences like that would have been more realistic in general.

[@myamoore1690]

Where do parental rights end and a child's right to decide for themselves and access education begin? If parents decide that their daughters can't have education because that's their cultural beliefs, even if that child wants to be educated, we disagree. And not many people would argue for their parental rights. But when it's sex education suddenly the child has no say. And honestly this seems intertwined with people's idea that children are property instead of their own individuals who deserve rights just like adults.

[@Lolzadoodle8484]

Teenagers and even adults having sex is a million times more awkward, fumbly, and emotionally confusing than is portrayed in shows. If the sex scenes focused on their faces, their conversations, etc, they'd be BETTER, because they'd actually provide character development. I think it's important to discuss and represent the variety of sexual experiences teens have in a positive and constructive way. There's a way to do it, and I don't think the vast majority of teen media has gotten it right.

[@technicallyawriter]

I am very suspicious of people who want to deny young people info about sex because that knowledge allows victims of abuse to *say what happened to them*. If someone wants to prevent children from learning that, I will assume it's because they don't want to lose access to easy victims.

[@AdventureRex19]

This is y I don't watch coming of age shows. It is often too much for me. Kiddy (orn. No thanks 😢

[@braveone426]

That’s the reason I never watched Euphoria and many other shows. It’s so creepy. Don’t even get me started on pornography. Literally disgusting

[@More13Feen]

FIY (cuz I know the sex ed for every age will outrage some) for my 2 year old this looks like this: 1.Asking bevore I kiss her 2. Making her respect other family members body boundries and teaching her to feel her own and voice them. 3. Telling her that she did good when she does so 4. Apologizing to her when I cross a boundrie like during ruff play and it goes to far for her. 5. Telling her to not touch me in my privat parts and explaining to her why I or her father or her grand ma touches her during nappy changes. 6. Teaching her the actual language for Vulva and Penis and letting her use these words. 7. Teaching her that there are inapropriate places to run around with out cloths on. 8. Voicing when something feels good or not. 9. "We are gentil with our bodys" 10. You do not have to give hugs or kisses EVER. I am a child care proffesional of 12 years, this is age apropriate. Its not giving "the talk" to a toddler.

[@msnoodles1]

I'm 28 and I watch shows like sex education... I know my time has passed but when I was a teenager, like 20% of my friends were sexually active. The other 80% of us wanted to be, or not, and we were awkward, too quiet and too loud, lanky, some of us looked twice our age, others looked like children. Derry girls captures THAT so well.

[@heyummrandommuch]

The lack of sex ed allowed for baby me to be a victim of CSA. Kids knowing about themselves and their bodies is only a good thing.

[@ThexDynastxQueen]

I'm 30+ so haven't watched a live action teen series since I was 20ish so I very rarely enjoyed them as prn existed so they were moot once I had non-dial up Internet lol. Even so I get that the main demo isn't going to hold off sexual feelings until they reach whatever disturbingly low AoC law. So I don't mind the scenes in theory even tho I don't think they're always graphically needed and like all media more diverse stories are needed as I'm not watching, it's not FOR me. Those my age who are watching barely adults pretend to be teens tho....yall DiCaprios are why the AoC needs to be raised 👀👀👀 What I do mind is US minors still being so inadequately taught Sex Ed that they either are reckless due to little guidance and or become so puritanical they blame sexually "immoral" fiction for normalizing crime and harass fans as Conservatives do instead of those who ban Sex Ed or worse exploit minor's ignorance by pushing this logic and abuse them like Church officials do. US teen pregnancy has been going down for years but with Roe being repealed I fear for us all especially teens who don't know what info to trust.

[@NLS336]

I think the reason people are obsessed with adult storylines for teenagers is that being a teenager is the last time any of these writers remember having the free time to engage in crazy shit. Writing about adults is more boring, like sure Jacob Elordi is hot but I have a job and like 9000 things to do, so definitely not hot enough to ruin a life. The same dramatic plot lines simply don't work for people out there struggling for their lives in the every day job market. Imagine Zendaya's character in Euphoria except she's a real adult with no family trying to pay rent. She'd look nasty, not someone to idolize. She'd be on the streets trying to pay for her addiction. Nothing glamorous about that lifestyle in reality. The only way to glamorize and tell the story is to place it in a fictional high school context where the possibility of being saved by a parent prevents any serious consequences like having to steal catalytic converters from cars to get dope. and no judgment on drug abuse, it's just not glamorous, a lot of teenagers are drug addicted and end up dead, like one of my best friends. Sad to see this sort of lifestyle being idolized -- the sex, drugs, don't care about yourself lifestyle.

[@kimorad355]

Although not perfect, I feel like a decent teen show is Never Have I Ever. It shows sex and portrays teens in a realistic way and most of the sex scene are really lowkey and dont show too much. They are also actually a part of the plot and aren't just there to be there.

[@angrypersoninthecomments3050]

As a 15 year old, I’ve always thought a lot of teen shows seem a lot more like they’re made for adults than teens, even if the characters are my age. Found that pretty weird, cuz what adults are supposed to enjoy watching teens act sexually? A couple shows I personally think did well were sex education, cuz like wow it showed awkwardness and so many situations, and it was FUNNY. Another really good one, which I saw someone else mention was derby girls. That one shied away from sex a lot more, which is completely fine, I don’t think every show needed a focus on it, and it was a nice change. A couple more shows: heartstopper, ap bio, Ms marvel, i am not ok with this, and even never have I ever. (That last one was a little on the iffy side, looking at the full 30 year old playing a teenager, but soooo entertaining lol)

[@matmurray717]

I think one issue is with the diversity of teen sexual experiences shown-not just sexualities but specifically the diversity of how people come into their sexualities (or sometimes lack thereof). I’m a teenager and I think every person I know is in a different phase and has a different relationship with how much they are thinking about/conceptualizing, wanting to have, or actually having sex and where they are even in the process of maturing and noticing other people in that way anyways. I think this should be more represented, especially how it feels to be in a group of people where everyone is at wildly different stages of their experience. Something interesting that I have never seen really talked about or represented is the strange phase of growing up where (at least in my generation where stuff like fan fiction and porn are on the internet for anyone to see) you are intellectually aware of sex and sexuality and theoretically how it’s supposed to work but have not gotten to the age where you are ready to or want to have it. I think some people stay in this phase for longer than others, I’m seventeen and I’d estimate maybe about half of my peers are still here? But there is a weird cognitive dissonance that I remember experiencing from the ages of eleven to like sixteen ish where I felt like I was supposed to be feeling things or that there was a whole world that I did not yet have access to because my body/hormones/whatever had not caught up to where society/media in general expected me to be (of course understandably usually targeted at adults). Because there isn’t a lot of ‘teen’ programming or whatever, and if there is there is usually sex depicted like talked about in this video, preteens and young teenagers will often jump right from kids media to adult media, which causes you to expect a certain maturity of yourself and leaves out important in between phases of sexual development.

[@christine9122]

Millennials or Gen Z complain not because they don't want to have seggs scenes on series. They are complaining because of the scenes are just done irresponsibly, just for the shock value. Yes, we know teens have seggs. That's not new. We have seen more graphic seggs scenes than the current series. BUT those scenes have purpose. Also, irresponsible showing of seggs scenes might give ideas to predators, which a lot of the young generation have had bad experience.

[@joliecookedup]

I couldn’t even finish Euphoria because of the amount of sexual scenes and it really bothered me how the FIRST episode was depicting a teenage girl (maddie) showing her boobs casually… plus the length of the scene where cassie was filmed nude without her consent was off putting. something about sex scenes in general never served a purpose to me unless it was really important to the plot. i’ve been watching more foreign shows because of this, they imply intimacy between characters without having to create an entire scene proving it.

[@chelseashurmantine8153]

I had so many thoughts on what you were saying. You said so many of my thoughts so eloquently I simply have nothing to add. We may sound like old heads, but we’re still right about this. I get heated too. You are an artist with your writing and research. Social Justice work is unpaid work and sex education would solve so many social justice issues. I would love if more sex education were out there, especially for the kids! Books and classroom curriculums and SAFE media. Behind the scenes, on stage, and in the audience.

[@KiaraWilliamsX]

hmm..my one and only sex class for kids🤢.. “Mind y’all business until you’re adults or else”

[@shelbyhiromi]

I never watched Euphoria, but what made me decide never to watch it was Kennie J.D.'s video reviewing it, and she was talking about how it was being streamed on an 18+ streaming service so she was raising the question: Are you portraying gratuitous sex between teenagers(p*rn??) for people under the age of 18, or are you portraying gratuitous sex between teenagers for adults to watch? I dont know why the fade to black fell out, unless there is a specific point that you are trying to tell that can only be made by showing a specific act on screen I don't think it should be in TV shows all the time.

[@neptunehenriksen]

This is so real! Not enough young people have the information they need, even lots of twenty-somethings don't have adequate sexual knowledge. And most of the time, it is this dichotomy of purity culture meets sex-symbol culture. It's very "look, don't touch", "want don't act" and it makes me so sad. It's just a body, and if someone's into sex, they should be able to indulge that curiosity safely. We're talking about well-being as much as autonomy.

[@random23287]

I'm a teen and I think it depends on the kind of sex. Euphoria is definitely not it (I couldn't stand to watch more than one episode, and I don't consider myself a prude), its for sure a teen show for adults that should've made them be in college. However, one of my favorite teen shows is Sex Education, which does have a lot of sex in it but it seems a lot more real and not nearly as glamorized. Then there's Heartstopper, which, so far at least, has no sex at all but it's still realistic and fun. My biggest concern about on screen sex is the issues around consent, especially when it’s in the context of this just being normal or expected, not when it’s supposed to be problematic. That’s definitely an area that needs a lot of improvement.

[@nobodyimportant1968]

I just want more shows that treats teens, esp high schoolers, like real people with feelings and not just consumerist self-absorbed clotheshorses and human tornadoes the way they seem to be today. I miss when people on a broad scale actually cared about writing teens like humans. I know once in a blue moon stuff like Freaks and Geeks (though you can definitely tell that it's aged badly in some episodes, but not all) or Derry Girls, etc, gets to happen, but execs just never stop cancelling shows with any substance to them, for reasons I'll never understand. It's not like their ideas (i am eternally retching at riverdale's issues and the shows like That™ from the things ive heard ab it + others) are that much more exciting... :/ So much Netflix content just reads like badly written, fcked up wish fulfillment fanfiction that have such haphazard vibes, and I don't even wanna _think_ about the ppl writing them. beyond how messed up it is, the writing is just... it's such ass. it's boring.

[@saratoninpls]

I’m a teenager and I have plenty of friends that have been having s*x since as early as 14, and others that have not. I fall into the ladder group. From my perspective, teens don’t seem to be turned off by the sheer amount of sexual scenes within teen-targeted shows. I mean, they’re doing the same thing. The problem lies with how glamorous it is presented; no teen is having the best s*x of their life. Regardless, some really like it because it’s fun to watch 2 very adult looking people doin it without really analyzing the implications that you described. I’m the only teen I know who actually hates the over-sexualization and scenes themselves because I could a) literally care less about it if it does not affect the plot because I’m an annoying film nerd, and b) understand that it has a negative affect on young people’s brains and also it’s mostly women shown and we KNOW why. However, I think the major problem is that, regardless if the show is TARGETED at teens, there are plenty of adults also watching. These scenes aren’t used to empower teenagers, they’re meant to specialize them. The implications are hot. The actual product is extremely damaging. This was an incredible video and you did a great job handling the topic as an adult. Thank you

[@februaryschild0216]

I remember growing up and multiple of my friends "dated" men over twenty when we were in HS. All we had back then was Degrassi. It was my friends who encouraged me to have sex, not TV. Fast forward to my daughters, and they tell me that fallacio was happening on the middle school, school bus. In HS their rich white friends held "dinner" parties complete with alcohol, drugs, and music. Both of my daughters actually explained sexual biology to their Ifriends bc they didn't understand their bodies. Multiple had been to rehab. When I was a medic, I delivered babies of teens and treated them for post abortion bleeding. Also attended to girls beaten by their boyfriends.These kids had lots of sex and drugs, their parents just don't know and there is a lot of denial. I think the shows are tame, tbh. Before I had kids, I used to think only "certain kids" in " certain parts" or " certain classes" were wild. But, the private school kids were the worst.

[@Nasipecel_pedes_pol]

Normal People is one of the show that portraying sex/intimacy in healthy way that i really really surprised. Paul Mescal's character constantly ask Daisy how she feel and if she is okay with it. He also didn't like when his friend showing their gfs nudes around. Ofc, their sexiest part isn't even the seggs scene!! Its when Paul comforting Daisy when she is on her period, making her tea and whatnot!! 🤭

[@NakedAnt]

@14:20 Everyone should start using the word, "Game-of-Thrones-ification" to describe this trend.

[@jessharris5858]

It was so interesting what you were saying about the difference between TV and p**n - I distinctly remember as a child being told that kisses on TV weren't 'real' and that it was TV magic! And I spent years truly believing that actors never physically kissed and it was camera trickery 😂 I'd watch movies and think wow it looks so real, how do they make it look so real!?

[@chelseashurmantine8153]

ColdCrashPictures has some amazing videos on media and film and his perspectives of how the industry rating systems are extremely volatile and how the industry could do better, creatively. He’s brilliant and so is PopCulture detective. And Sage Rain. I love their male point of view on media.