Should Adults Be Allowed To Bring Kids To R-Rated Movies Where We Masturbate?

[@SliversRebuilt]

"When my children go to R-rated movies, they know to sit in the front row and not turn around even if it sounds like I'm getting hurt" lmfao

[@BradleyBuiltWoodcraft]

TheAgentJesus best line in the clip

[@Jelissei]

When I heard this line I just had to pause and make sure it's the top comment... omg...my stomach hurts...

[@nikushamosidze1951]

we like same youtubers

[@user-nf1vj7ul8d]

Read the coment as she said it and it was fucing gold

[@mtadams2009]

When I first started to date my wife one time her son knocked on the bedroom door asking if she was ok. She was. We still laugh about it to this day.

[@klystron2010]

The social distancing measures in cinemas were actually implemented to get kids out of the splash zone.

[@bxnjxmxn2942]

THE SPLASH ZONE DMAKWRHVGERLSUQCF

[@bxnjxmxn2942]

@@whittar no i was gargling/drowning and thus mistyped… thought i was safe but was still in periphery of splash zone

[@Colinchaplin07]

NOT THE SPLASH ZONE

[@popcornbucket5537]

gross.

[@dolefinz0789]

Lame

[@HybridPhoenix08]

When I saw this video on the sidebar it read "Should Adults Be Allowed To Bring Kids To R-Rated Movies..." and I thought "huh, that seems a little tame for The Onion". Then I saw the rest of the title and said "There we go".

[@leonardlangner9949]

HybridPhoenix08 😂😂😂

[@paradoxicallystupid9665]

Me too.

[@liz.1328]

That’s why I clicked on the video. I thought it was too normal for the onion.

[@drcgaming4195]

exactly what i was thinking

[@kittyonmydesk5532]

I learned that if you turn your device sideways, you'll still see as much title as you did before.

[@brandondavidson4085]

"Rollercoasters have height limitations so you can finger your date without fear of a child watching you" might be the biggest hot-take of this year, and it's from 2011.

[@rickh3512]

Brandon Davidson the real reason those limits exists 😂😂😂

[@FireIsTheCIeanser]

>amusement parks in 2020 >top kek

[@peterkerj7357]

krenge

[@mkygod]

well back then you can have your hot takes and not get cancelled for it.

[@JITCompilation]

@@mkygod Every time someone brings up the "cancel culture boogeyman" out of the blue, I hear a crowd groan in unison. Don't you have anything _original_ to say? We've all heard whining and bitching about CC a billion times already

[@atmatheprophet]

Finally Clifford Banes made an appearance on his show. Although disguised as Juliana McCannis but it's still him!

[@Playerism]

Hey how's your life nowadays? It's been 5 years. Is life good after all those years?

[@ajbatterman3720]

@@Playerism Hey how's your life nowadays? It's been two weeks. Is life good after all those days?

[@the0mighty0burrito]

AJ Batterman Man, it’s been a full two days! A lot can change in that time. How are you doing, buddy?

[@ajbatterman3720]

@@the0mighty0burrito gotta say, I'm doing better today than I was two days ago. I guess that's the goal, each day better than the last. How about yourself?

[@swyxTV]

you're not stuck in quarantine with me, I'm stuck in quarantine with NOBODY

[@yehoshuasmith5608]

IT'S CLIFFORD BANES!!!

[@TheLewistownTrainspotter8102]

I can't imagine what he really looks like if he has to wear a perfect latex Julianna McKennis mask to work every day.

[@4vesta255]

@@TheLewistownTrainspotter8102 He looks like Clifford Banes.

[@cocopus]

@@4vesta255 but if Clifford Banes looks like Clifford Banes, who?

[@miketv101]

IN THE FLESH

[@johnmedina4286]

Clifford Banes probably paid Julianna to say that line so we wouldn't need to come up with another excuse.

[@srbrant5391]

“Weird stores that sell decorative swords somehow unaffected by recession.”

[@THEBOSS47MLG]

SR Brant I’m just surprised this has hundreds of like with no replies

[@mrtoasteer3561]

Please give me internet points for almost being at the top

[@Acidlib]

“Paleontologists discover fossil of earliest monkey to hold cymbals”

[@JoseLuna-xo6tx]

@@THEBOSS47MLG Ikr, everyone just liked this comment at the point that nobody argue with it

[@CringePoop]

@@THEBOSS47MLG what is there to say? it's a good throwaway joke, and there's nothing else to it

[@zzzxtreme]

The bloopers must be even funnier

[@bellamartel7523]

Doctor GS I remember having to read Duncan Birch’s latest book on my summer reading list in school. How could people think this is fake?!

[@cowboymooman8776]

*moaning* Laurene what are you do- *WHEEZE* *laughter in the studio*

[@fridaymorning139]

Fuccckkkkk I would love to see that. The bloopers are probably insane.

[@hawkrochester297]

Wdym?

[@Wog-yu9gp]

"I saw that new Kung Fu Panda movie last week, not 20 minutes into it, I had my shirt and bra off and I was playing with my nipples" Edit: I am so happy that occasionally someone will like or comment on this and help me come back to this masterpiece sketch!

[@gordonf5553]

Shes a furry

[@defyyourlogic487]

Furries be like

[@mowermen1762]

I want to see it 👀

[@infjfreak509]

Master Oogway would be so proud of her!

[@qty1315]

@@infjfreak509 I think that was the plot of a fanfic. Oogway was very, very proud of Tigress.

[@EtzEchad]

I've been a fan of Clifford Banes for years. It's great to see him still hosting his show!

[@akzebraminer]

Lol

[@NOACCEPTANCE772]

*Finally hosting his show

[@LieseFury]

isn'treal

[@wilhelmcooning]

How the hell do they keep straight faces?

[@Thrifty032781]

They rehearse until they get used to it.

[@immortalsun]

They are good actors.

[@carl49785]

They probably laugh for 10 minutes straight after the director says "cut"

[@maestososhifu]

0:39 You can see the actress on the right break character for a second

[@EmpEcropEco]

Ayy

[@boragobekli7092]

"Scandal erupts as pro-family values conservative congressman outed as rapper Ludacris" I almost died lol

[@CrazyRiverOtter]

Kanye

[@rakkatytam]

Lmao that ending.

[@blakestormcrow6275]

At least it was a happy ending

[@nicholsjoshua15]

What was she gonna use the pickels for...

[@VioletRM]

@@nicholsjoshua15 to eat some, what else would she do with them?

[@Shutupb1tch420]

@@VioletRM I like your answer, I have less to think about now

[@cigsindoors]

Blake Stormcrow nah, she couldn’t get the jar open

[@waitwhat583]

"even if it sounds like im getting hurt"

[@mandreadfg]

So underrated

[@LunarStrike]

420 likes

[@ted.angell7609]

Marcel Proust’s ghost likes this 👍

[@andrewnibbi]

Idk why but the funniest part of this for me was “tomorrow morning on Today Now”

[@warrcoww6717]

Yea... and it doesn’t even sound out of place...

[@TommyAngelo1337]

Tune in!

[@Protopteryx]

Genuinely scrolled down just to find this comment ahahah

[@ZeroRelevance]

Lmao didn't even realise the implications of that

[@teacher3027]

Lol the now is what emphasizes the oxymoron 😂

[@Sirthatguy]

Tell me about it. I was twangling my meat in the midnight screening of Deathly Hallows part 2 and this little girl saw me. I was infuriated with the parents for bringing a child, but quickly pulled it off as me doing a very complicated spell with my wand.

[@onkelpappkov2666]

Did a silvery stream emit from the tip of your hardwood wand which you held with a firm grip?

[@rahimirahim1107]

@@onkelpappkov2666 eyy yo that comment is 8 years old LMAO

[@chonacastillo4777]

@@onkelpappkov2666 i actually laughed at that for a minute straight

[@siyacer]

I hope this didn't take place in Japan

[@petitefleurbleue]

@@kaia9106 don't make me explain

[@culturedvulture2015]

Brilliant acting. I love how all of these characters have their own personality and responds very realistically.

[@ambergirl986]

me 2! LOL

[@DKNguyen3.1415]

What they all have in common is their outrage.

[@iwillbeginagain]

Omg they sooo got me with the pickle jar 😂

[@insecuree8194]

Luke Chenoweth felt thar

[@brandonellis8111]

I seen people use Cucumbers to get off, but not pickles

[@cg6176]

I actually laughed at that

[@elizabethcabbage9817]

@@brandonellis8111 If pickles are just salty cucumbers, I think you have

[@annat.622]

​@@elizabethcabbage9817 Yeah, but normally you'd need a bigger cucumber for that job😂

[@leroi01]

Clifford's mask is top notch. Would have thought it was Juliana if he hadn't said anything.

[@royalspin]

Holy crap !! How did they do this without losing it every two seconds ?

[@felixgutierrez993]

To be honest I don't know! xD They do this so much they are just numb and in pain CONSTANTLY!

[@olbradley]

They probably practice it, no way they get through it first try. Edit: Specifically they probably practice it over and over again so that the joke is no longer funny to them and they won't laugh

[@kiwigoatart6704]

...they're actors?

[@Meaxis]

Eighteen hundred takes

[@NoName-oq8qu]

J D ok broke white boy

[@potatosfortots9909]

Clifford Banes finally made it to the show!

[@yellowblanka6058]

The actress playing Lauralee deserves more comedic roles, lol.

[@Thrifty032781]

Her name is Julie Brister. She's had some decent success, but I think her biggest role (still pretty small though) was as Marva Jefferson in the Amazon original show "Goliath". Brian Huskey (who plays Duncan Birch) is the most successful actor from these videos.

[@darthmortus5702]

You can see her in the Racism Light video from collegehumor ( I think)

[@Latenightswithtaffy]

She plays a supporting role in night of the living deb and she’s pretty good in that

[@stanislausklim7794]

She was on Conan where she's gotten a bunch of gifts from Ellen.

[@mathieuL2204]

She was great as an incompetent lawyer in Review

[@Randinator]

"Don't turn around even if it sounds like I'm getting hurt."

[@LostCosmonauts]

Tommorow morning Today now!

[@jumbo6498]

Hallo

[@WhatACoolArrow]

Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast

[@Islander255]

The Onion videos has such insanely good acting for satire vids. I'd even venture to say they're better than most of the Mad TV and SNL casts

[@LaLa-sr3sr]

Oh they absolutely are better. SNL is way to over the top trying to be funny compared to this.

[@mitsuku_i1583]

So much better

[@pulykamell]

@@gordonlove5121 Not really. It’s the writing that needs help, not so much the acting on SNL, though they’ve had a few decent sketches recently.

[@brandonm1708]

I feel like half the SNL skits are the actors trying to speak directly to the audience, which doesn’t help. Works for weekend update, but not skits

[@Србомбоница86]

They ARE THE BEST actors

[@AvsJoe]

"Tomorrow morning on Today Now" lmao gets me every time.

[@leonardlangner9949]

?

[@SynoPTL]

@@leonardlangner9949 At the very end of the video

[@andrewf4623]

2:01 is the best moment- the way she says it with such a straight face just kills me every time 😂😂

[@ClayChapman0]

I don't see how anyone could think this wasn't real. it seems like a completely legitimate arguement to me

[@darthmortus5702]

How did I miss this one for all these years?! And Clifford Banes is in it! KZbin algorythm, WTF are you doing!

[@Draginvry2]

So, this is the episode that has Clifford Baines in it. I've been looking everywhere for this episode.

[@tubwaiyan6776]

Jesus christ it's been 12 years, how are you doing man?

[@Just_Some_Guy_with_a_Mustache]

That one balding guy who only walks around with a trenchcoat near elementary schools and his friends strongly disagree. Are we just going to ignore them?!

[@kjl3080]

Why are you on such an old video?

[@anythingbutmyrealname]

You got a lot of subs if u put in the work you could prob make decent money eventually

[@Exdorme]

@@kjl3080 why are you?

[@seiyuokamihimura5082]

Are you just going to watch them? Pervert.

[@Tommiri]

At first I was like "The fuck is wrong with these people?". Then I realized it's TheOnion

[@XcZeus3469]

In the Know segments are definitely the Onion's finest work. Keep it up guys!

[@andythefork]

They didn't :(

[@JoshuaH688]

It's funny as heck... but it makes a valid point: How many people are there out there who think it is fine for them to do all sorts of "adult" things - whether it's dirty magazines, an alcohol habit, or some other depraved part of their personal life - while they try to "protect" their children from the very lifestyle which they themselves live? The Onion has a way of using dark sarcasm to point out social hypocrisy, in which lies, beyond the laughs, just a little bit of serious truth.

[@kissit012]

I known this is way late, but you (and the 30 idiots who liked your comment) missed the point. Adults have every right to do what they want. Protecting children from exposure to certain adult behaviors until they're ready is in no way hypocritical, it is good parenting.

[@daneclark3161]

@@kissit012 - What's wrong with your rugrats learning about it in the gutter like you did?

[@ralek592]

I am trying to think about which of you are right but knowing the Onion you're both probably wrong.

[@b0x1n9f4n]

ralek it’s more so they are both speaking facts. The op is right, we try to protect children from horrible behaviors that we ourselves condone, if only solely through engaging in them ourselves. The guy who responds is right as well, he’s just too stupid to see that his response doesn’t necessarily act as a contradiction to what the op stated. We as adults have the right to engage in whatever foul behavior we choose to so long as we protect our children from it. But the irony is that in a macrocosmic sense, by engaging in said behavior, we are not truly protecting children from it. He has the nerve to say that we must protect children from said behavior, “until they are ready.” So at what age are children ready to watch me and my girlfriend smoke a joint, pound a bottle of hard liquor and snort some norco before I put her down on her knees and gag her with my dick while her husband is away at work? 10? 13? 16? At what age are children ready to be, “exposed” to that type of behavior.

[@carriescrammer6736]

b0x1n9f4n The fortunate thing is that all the adults who practice these things, whether or not they protect their children from knowing about it, are going to burn in Hell forever. So it works itself out in the end!

[@DodaGarcia]

Oh my god I can't believe we finally got to see Clifford Banes

[@Gdub33]

"is that going to help limit their exposure...to our genitals". Lmfaoo oh man good stuff. Good stuff. Laughing out loud and loudly.

[@BrainSeepsOut]

The finale with the pickle jar is just priceless!

[@jnk1296]

"Marley, what are you doing?" *holds a pickle jar* "I can't get this thing open!" ROFL

[@Fx_Explains]

.

[@mchjsosde]

I'm 10 years too late but... It's Laura Lee

[@007bistromath]

I feel like they rolled a die to determine what moral position they'd take for the next three sentences

[@iridium8562]

Dude isn't that the google guy? Ah such a legend

[@lessons_in_tanya]

I'M JUST NOTICING THIS

[@joepeake8972]

Best onion character. He's the most loathesome and yet the most human of the In the Know pannelist.

[@funygameur]

Wich one's that?

[@saalvosegg8171]

"Laura Lee what are you doing?"

[@gennanam]

The number of people who haven't realised The Onion is a satirical news channel is TOO DAMN HIGH!!!

[@jesseward4115]

The number of people who haven't realized that many people in the comments like to carry the jokes in the video on in the comment section is TOO DAMN HIGH!!!!

[@jeffthevomitguy1178]

Jesse Ward hi

[@flagflow1232]

The number of people who talk about other people not realizing that Onion is satirical is too damn high!

[@gorahindu3196]

And so is the rent

[@briant7265]

Not at all. They're half the fun!

[@jacksmith9729]

Oh shit! I’ve never seen one that actually had Clifford Baines in it!

[@woops9076]

Holy shit, didn’t expect to actually see Clifford Banes in one of these.

[@oleksandrik]

"When my children go to R-rated movies, they know to sit in the front row and not to turn around...even if it sounds like I am getting hurt." LMFAO

[@KingMB_XJ_Official]

They got me with the bait and switch near the end there.

[@KallegrandStudios]

Been watching The Onion News for a while now. Not going to lie, I was expecting them to talk about like violence in movies or something. I wasn't going to expect them to go to that level; let alone this quickly. They really never cease to amaze me. I legit recoiled at 0:26 That's what I get for not reading the title all the way to the end.

[@musicalcharge]

The best part of this is that the preview title is clipped to "Should Adults Be Allowed To Bring Kids To R-Rated Movies..." and when you click through, the pay-off is good.

[@higiggly59656]

Omg, Clifford Banes has is finally here!!!! (I wonder how he got out of being hung for high treaston...)

[@thingsadamsees]

Omg this one is pushing the envelope even for the Onion lmao

[@IchiExorz]

"I'm a responsible mother" is something i haven't heard in years. Most parents nowadays like to blame others for their bad parenting.

[@gatherer818]

That's how you can tell it's a parody

[@adamchen5936]

The acting is unbelievable

[@brandonharlow7067]

I would love to see the actor's faces when they read these scripts for the first time

[@wmhfanatic]

This is the first time Clifford showed up for work in almost 2 years

[@TheMaineLobstah]

I think this is Clifford Banes's first day of work ever. He did pretty good.

[@Daniel_s444]

Omg. The onion. Priceless. How they don’t burst into a screaming laughter I will never know.

[@wahidtrynaheghugh260]

YOOOO ITS CLIFFORD BANES HE’S FINALLY HERE

[@NovaBlueNova]

Is this technically the only episode actually featuring Clifford Banes?

[@SeanCityNavy]

Clifford Banes finally made an appearance on his own show.

[@misstinahamilton5714]

"I'm just playin' with my nipples !" 😂😂😂😂😂

[@naganoodle]

It was nice to see Clifford actually show up for once.

[@MrEricSir]

I'd hate to be the guy who cleans the seats in David Barrodale's Acura.

[@flameofmage1099]

"They don't understand what they'd seeing you sop up" "Oh I disagree!"

[@poly_g6068]

Took everything in me not to literally collapse.

[@condemnedpotbelly8491]

😂😂😂 These people keeping a straight face through all this must have been a herculean task Salute 😅

[@flxsemi]

These actors deserves an Oscar for their performance

[@johngullo9420]

The videos and comment section on this channel are priceless!

[@That1707]

THE ENDING WAS SO GOOD LMFAO

[@RickCosmo]

that's beautiful! and the last bit with the studio duo was slick..nobody comes close here folks! the Onion is the BEST!

[@caidenrandolph7257]

I'm so glad Clifford could make it

[@stephaniecarrow4898]

I love how Duncan Birch's latest book always manages to be on the cutting edge of whatever is most topical.

[@ahillmann]

There really isn't a clear answer to this moral dilemma.

[@quinnlevy8996]

The bait and switch at the end killed me

[@mayhewfisher62]

Such a fine line, and a really individual judgment call for each parent.

[@haydentucker9386]

How in the he'll do they keep a straight face, unbelievable!

[@RealYuri2009]

They're comedy actors doing a zillion takes

[@madhippy3]

The pickle jar joke really got me

[@godspeed5428]

I demand bloopers of this sketch

[@joesmith8435]

the fact that clifford banes is actually here is pretty crazy

[@saze9y14]

I'm so glad Clifford Banes is back!

[@MrTheYoutubification]

How dare you, the Onion is the Finest News Source in America. Everything the Onion reports is true, they would never give us content that is anything less than completely true.

[@griffinmcgonagle3272]

Is anyone gonna talk about how this is the first appearance of Clifford Banes masked or not

[@MAD_MusicAndMovies]

Here in 2023 and still a hit.

[@xWetBingoBango]

Genuinely laughed so hard, well done Onion

[@Sam_T1021]

Never seen them debate so passionately

[@ubtoo05]

Sorry. I had to pull out now and rub and watch. Multi tasker.

[@kittyonmydesk5532]

Coming up: Why parents take their young children to bars and have the audacity to say something about the bar is inappropriate for their young child

[@OneFiftyEntertainmentGroup]

@fightlies The more you try to block your kid from things during their childhood trying to make them perfect they probly doing the same shyt than what they show on the tv and movies because the parents wont talk to their child about certain things until its too late

[@zellmer]

Oh my god, 1:49 was so out of the blue and had me laughing WAAAAYY to hard, haha.. Man, keep up another "season" or whatever of "In the know" already, it's truly one of the few that is ALWAYS good..

[@banned2911]

1:49 *

[@banned2911]

Omg this is 10 years old im so sorry for correcting this lol it probably wasnt even a feature than sorry

[@ChristophelusPulps]

It was nice to see Clifford Banes make an appearance.

[@key5toned]

Once again the Onion was ahead of its time. Not sure they had Beetlejuice in mind though.

[@TheReaverOfDarkness]

1:25 "When my children go to R-rated movies, they know to sit in the front row and not turn around even if it sounds like I'm getting hurt"

[@saintmalo]

the message is that just because adults/parents find something overtly sexual or offensive, doesn't mean a child would. here they're making fun of them as if to say those parents that want everything banned must get off to anything.

[@Mathilde_Bruhn]

Well FINALLY Clifford Banes showed up

[@spencerrobbins7459]

“Tomorrow on Today Now” got me lol

[@stanislausklim7794]

1:50-2:00 😂🤣

[@leonardlangner9949]

Teddy Walsh 🤣😂🤣😂😂🤣

[@nekozombie]

Ted Walsh epic

[@dustinwebb7720]

yes ! keep it up ! 10 yrs to late but hay ! I watched this stuff back in the day. Wish I could act with you guys !

[@shadowsoulless6227]

One of the few times Clifford baines actually showed up

[@clickbait7396]

2:22 one of the best jokes I've ever seen in my life

[@RetepAdam]

Holy shit, Clifford Banes.

[@RaccoonCityPoliceDept]

So kind of Clifford Banes to grace us with his presence.

[@marvincool3744]

I hope my popcorn isn’t in that dude’s splash zone.