Should I stay or should I go: How to handle a narcissistic relationship

DOWNLOAD AN EXERCISE TO HELP YOU BUILD SELF-COMPASSION AFTER A HURTFUL OR ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP:
www.ruthannhar...
Should I stay or should I go? Have you ever been in a relationship where you break up only to make up only to break up again and make up again ad infinitum.
As someone who works with couples where one or both parties are struggling with issues of narcissism, this is a common pattern I see. The problem with such repeated break ups and make ups is that they tend to fuel relationship anxiety for both parties and make for a very unstable and volatile relationship.
In this video I talk about the difference between reactive and planned break ups and how committing to not breaking up in the heat of an argument can be an important way to build security in the relationship and also to create space so you can make a stable decision about whether to stay and invest in the relationship or bring an end to the relationship in as calm and kind a way as possible for both you and the other person.

[@angelao6645]

Yes, describes the relationship with my ex to a T. Reactive breakups for no reason or very trivial reasons, then silent treatment for a few days. Once he would come back and talk maturely with me about it things would be great, but it was an every 10 day to 2 week cycle. Exhausting.

[@cLuStErBMiLkShAkE]

Sharing! ❤️

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you Sara ❤️

[@TonyBotham]

@@drruthannharpur I´m very glad that I have come across your KZbin channel, clusterbmilkshake, and Mental Healness. There is so much rubbish out there about how narcissists are evil and destroy you on purpose. It has helped me to understand my ex's behavior so much and to realize that she is not a monster and evil, but a very hurt person. None of which is justification for the abuse I received, but it has made me more compassionate with regards to my thoughts of her. It has also made me look at my part in the relationship and there are things I need to work on. Thank you

[@veebliss1266]

Yep he would break up any time argument started then come back 2-4 weeks later and repeat , I would forgive and try to talk it out and work through to be different , we could never last longer than a 1-3 months before he was mad about something , fighting and breaking up again , it was exhausting and I just said OK the last time and then blocked him! 3x is enough for me to see he couldn’t stabilize his feelings for me I think . I just wanted peace ✌️

[@drruthannharpur]

3 times is pretty quick! Absolutely right, this level of volatility is too exhausting and the exact opposite of what anyone needs from their relationships.

[@veebliss1266]

@@drruthannharpur it played out over a year and a half and 3x was enough for me and other disappointments , like him staying over at female friends house etc he did a lot of red flag behavior , at first I thought maybe it was cold feet Or communication issues but I just felt anyone truly interested wouldn’t have such fleeting feelings. Guys don’t let their dream cars go , and come back to them , so I figured same applies with people , if they truly cared they wouldn’t put themselves in position to keep losing you over and over you know? Especially over silly arguments .

[@ssing7113]

I like taking about reactive breakup. I agree not breaking up when there is fights. these really lower the tension for sure! Yet really there is no healthy relationship with a cluster B in my opinion. Even if they get treatment expect abuse the entire time with a “I am working on it” I don’t see a way for any healthy cluster B relationship. That would be like winning the lotto. You being a punching bag having to turn off your feelings and emotions to survive Or let’s just say it’s for someone with iron armor

[@Trashpanda888]

Hindsight is 20/20 😔..

[@superespiritual1553]

That's very good advice: no reactive breakups but rather look for one's healthy compassionate self. Thank you!

[@drruthannharpur]

Thank you ❤️🙏