Signs you're being manipulated

[@AnaPsychology]

Check out the Goal Getter course during the launch sale! ⏰ psychologywithdrana.learnworlds.com/course/goal-getter-course

[@renegroulx7029]

Another perspective of manipulation has to with power dynamics and hierachies in the sense that the people feel that they are or actually are being manipulated and/or oppressed by Governments, or powerful Corporations. Geopolitically, the term manipulation is definitely an understatement.

[@growing.flowers]

@@renegroulx7029makes sense!

[@CB19087]

Definitely, you start to feel smaller, you make yourself smaller, share less, lie about what your plans are to avoid any backlash. Not allowed to say how you feel, not allowed to set boundaries!

[@Heidi_137]

I agree with everything you said. Not respecting boundaries by trying (manipulating you) to get you to break boundaries for them. It's a huge one for me. In my business I have terms and I have experienced people politely trying to break terms for them. To me that is the very same as breaking boundaries. It's disrespectful and inappropriate.

[@claireh.7605]

My cousin pushed antidepressants on me. Then when I had problems from them, he denies he ever recommended them, when in fact he tricked and forced me to take them saying “just go to the doc and take a pill and don’t think about it.” Then he was dismissive of me saying it were my friends who got me to do them. Then when I said he did it, he hung up on me. And we only talk about things where he is the leader and which he is good at. So he feels like people are emulating him and he is better than everyone.

[@wilhelmu]

this is less like manipulated and more like terrorized

[@manuproulx2764]

The day I decided that I had had enough of my fake friends' toxicity/lies and stopped repressing my anger and resentment by finally expressing it out loud is the day that I freed myself. Confrontation is necessary in situations like this because you cannot end a toxic friendship without standing your ground against those people. Anger is a healthy emotion when it enables you to defend yourself or others against unfair and toxic emotional treatment. Don't ever forget it. - From a former victim of bullying and manipulation

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

Dim your light. It’s horrible

[@noone-gq3qw]

Could you talk about work politics? Manipulation between colleagues at the workplace? I struggle a lot at my job because there are sort of different factions at my workplace that want to undermine each other... And trying to be neutral makes me someone everyone wants to bring to their side. It makes me anxious being in the middle of everything... I agree mostly with one side but I don't want to have to choose half of my coworkers over the others, can't imagine that being any better than the current situation I'm in. Thank you in any case and congratulations on the baby!!

[@AnaPsychology]

Noted, and thank you very much!

[@Aster-v8j]

emotional blackmail? You too?

[@jrawb6yesno]

I got out of a relationship recently. I knew I was being manipulated, but was in denial. I experienced all of the points discussed in this video... I really appreciate this upload... I couldn't believe how much I was conditioned to overlook and/or tolerate. For example, when my ex was so late on a date, she made me feel bad for expressing my disappointment when she arrived, told her that her constant tardiness made me feel that our dates weren't important to her. She told me I had no right to feel that way, just because she did her best to get to the date as soon as possible. I ended up being blamed for ruining the date, and I was the only one apologizing for not being understanding. I'm just happy I'll no longer be made to feel that way again.

[@ivana5618]

Good for you for walking away!

[@zah936]

Congratulations!

[@tracywatchesyoutube]

I was actually being the manipulator. i didn’t know i was manipulating him and thought that i was just expressing my feelings. i even thought that it was important for me to do that. however, after he had attempted to bring it up a few times and it was a bit difficult for me to see it, it also took my sister to nudge me a bit, i finally realised that i was manipulating him. it was really brave of him to keep confronting me. i felt extremely bad when i suddenly realised everything i was doing because in those times, i really felt like i was doing nothing wrong. i hope other people can realise this too!

[@PaolaTheTimeLord]

‘it was rlly brave of him to keep confronting me’ that’s so condescending lmao 😂 nobody is believing this sob story

[@tracywatchesyoutube]

sorry i don’t understand how that is condescending? would u mind explaining?

[@user-id5cj2ch3y]

@@PaolaTheTimeLord whats your problem?

[@inkubatorius]

@@PaolaTheTimeLordyou need a hug?

[@JacksonbDoubtsIt]

@@inkubatorius His username says it all. Edgy troll boy. @PaolaTheTimeLord

[@senorzepeda]

Some of this sounds like most workplaces management strategies

[@Bookooky]

Because it works. These are called "strategies" by corporate

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

Most companies are run by narcissists.

[@Nick-kf3io]

A lot of this is my mom in a nutshell. She made me feel so icky and ashamed when I was younger. Thankfully as I've gotten older I've acquired strong boundaries and it's forced her to change how she interacts with me. I'm not sure if she's really changed or if it's just an act but I guess either is preferable to how it used to be

[@cavemancarlos]

are we siblings or something

[@NuitAsdf]

That also was partially my mother, but when I tried to set boundaries, including leaving the room when she would get more and more aggressive, she would escalate the situation. At the end I decided to go no contact because her temper tantrums where just too much. Years later I learned that what she tempted is called an extinction burst: an increase of the bad behaviour with the goal of making you drop your boundaries.

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

The goal of all manipulation is to get you to react without thinking

[@JLakis]

Yes. To keep the old systems of control well oiled. That's why when you change, heal or set a boundary they're always like, "What happened to the old you!? What's gotten into you? Now you're so sensitive."

[@clippysoft]

the realization i had while watching this that i feel all of these when engaging with my closest friend is genuinely terrifying to me.

[@JORISGUY7XD]

I kept thinking "Where's this meowing coming from?", I even looked through the window into the darkness until I realized it was coming from Ana's cat... 😅

[@AnaPsychology]

I swear the second the ring light goes on, she decides to summon demons

[@tehila101]

The fact that my mom did to me exactly what you said in the beginning of the video wow lol she used guilt on me for years and when finally I realized that's what she's doing and that I dont want to give in to that and I stood up to her, she suddenly started using the silent treatment on me🤦‍♀️

[@Michael.cTrades]

agree

[@Antimatter.G]

LOL, I checked 6 out of 8. The good news is that I already knew I was being manipulated. Luckily, that relationship is coming to an end, feeling quite at ease tbh.

[@critter_paws]

I literally haven't been close to anyone that wasn't using these methods. I've been trying to figure out what was "wrong" with me to keep me in these dynamics for 37yrs and so glad to finally have educators clarifying things. Saying "no" or pointing out that the communication doesn't seem to be clear/honest- expecting I'll read between the lines and get in line, has shifted my internal world in a positive direction while also getting many explosions out of ppl I was already afraid of but didn't recognize it as fear, thought I just had an anxiety problem. I'm very isolated now and living in the FOO home, trying to keep psychic distance but really failing as interactions happen and being in reality about them is so painful that I start ruminating, grieving, becoming angry and dissociating for several hours-days. It feels impossible to stay present enough to figure out how to get bk on my feet. If weather permitted, I could travel or live outdoors for a while. I feel so stuck. I know CBT would slap my wrist but it is the state of things

[@dashiya1570]

Unfortunately I have a suspicion that a lot of people use those tactics. The difference between traumatized people is that they have issues setting strong, healthy boundaries meanwhile a healthy person would just ditch them at first sign of trouble and move on.

[@critter_paws]

@dashiya1570 that is exactly what I have been observing. There's a hamster wheel of "if I can only show them, say it correctly, etc". The concepts of repetition compulsion, subconscious role play, etc. -my role in it all/attachment relationships specifically. I'm currently looking into deprogramming from cults (dysfunctional family cult) and it's way too familiar.

[@dashiya1570]

@@critter_paws Therapy has been great for me. Also accepting that it's hard to find friends that truly match your energy and you can't make yourelf be likedaccepted by everyone and that sometimes you have to do a surgery on your life cutting the cancer out and recovering

[@hermenegildakociubinska6665]

I noticed one reaction I get when someone is *trying* to manipulate me - anger. The coolest thing is I don't need to know someone is being manipulative to get angry. Sometimes I realise it after the fact, when I analyse the situation. That's an awesome defence mechanism - it makes me defiant before I can tell I should be defiant.

[@LovisaSvensson-iw7wc]

This is the precise reason why we shouldn't disregard our emotions. They give us information that our rational mind isn't aware of yet.

[@DockClock-rp2ro]

This is one of your most comprehensive videos. Any point I thought of an exception for, you then very quickly mentioned it yourself. Fantastic work.

[@ncf7]

My ex was 8/8... I thought everything was going well in our relationship until I found out that his ex was still constantly texting him AND he's constantly communicating with his female friend aka workmate aka situationship for many years. I felt so betrayed. He lied and downplayed everything telling me I should've just asked but he never thought about actually telling me and in fact had no plans on telling me in the first place. I had no idea about all of them until I saw his phone. Yes it was my fault for checking it without his permission and he used that to shift all the blame onto me. He never apologized for what he did, never listened to my boundary. He did everything listed on this video. It was the shortest relationship I've ever had yet the most difficult and most painful experience. I've never felt so disrespected, belittled, insulted, unvalued, dismissed, and unheard ever in my life. 3 weeks post breakup and I still feel all the anger and sadness and everything in between. I have so much regrets...of meeting him and loving him so much. I'm doing my best to heal..

[@notyou0001]

This came at the right time. Thank you Dr. Ana!

[@AnaPsychology]

I’m so glad! :)

[@sanecatlady]

I experience a lot of these signs but the people I'm having conflict with are not manipulating me. My brain just gets stuck in the past and I automatically feel ashamed, guilty and feel the need to prioritize the needs and wants of others above my own even though logically I know this person would not want me to feel or think these things. As a kid I experienced the silent treatment from both my parents and my mom would make me feel guilty for not doing things for her (or expect me to know what she wants without having to explicitly state it).

[@Gage_Welch]

I think for point #7 what is important is not if your plans have changed but if your wants are still in alignment with your agenda. If you started a conversation not wanting to go to your mothers for the holiday but at the end of the conversation you’re going & you still don’t want to go… that’s manipulation. New information can change your wants

[@michaelfischer-xp4cw]

Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldn't say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other

[@wangcheng3940]

its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have her back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.

[@michaelfischer-xp4cw]

I feel your pain brother, after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thouht it was, but it worked wonders for me.

[@wangcheng3940]

Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?

[@michaelfischer-xp4cw]

Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@wangcheng3940]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive

[@MS-ns4ki]

I notice that when people are not authentic and lose themselves in a man, they become manipulative.

[@DclementsRolandfc]

Excellent focus. I really believe that we need to listen to our emotional response to things, and analyze what triggered these emotions and why

[@ahem8013]

love your content as always, but also just wanted to say your hair looks extra gorgeous lately!

[@AnaPsychology]

Thank you!! I finally found a hair soufflé that makes my natural curls manageable 😆

[@jeffreyferreira3811]

Oh boy, you know it's bad when the thumbnail is calling out your parents directly.

[@dddv2010]

Master manipulator: *tries new tactic* Me: I'm not interested in your radiator 😳

[@AnaPsychology]

😂😂😂

[@ekinteko]

​@@AnaPsychology Hey Ana, what do I do if she keeps saying that I am the manipulator? Calling me narcissistic and having a big ego. I feel like it's projection, and her insecurities. When I try to address these issues, she raises her voice, and tells me stuff like don't turn this around on me. Stop shifting the blame. Or changes the topic to about how she is right, and brings up examples from the past. But her recollection of events just seems wrong, and is not inline with my personality and actions. I don't try to note all the bad things she does, I want to see her in good light and not negative. I feel like there is less effort or reciprocaty from her end. We are both in our 30s. My feelings check with most of the points you raised. I don't want to manipulate her. But I am going through a very tough time, having palpitations, and feel emotional, as a man that usually doesn't experience these symptoms. Any advice would be gold. Thank you in advance. And greetings from Australia 🦘

[@dougsheldon5560]

Kept sending her money even though I knew she was flat out lying. Really would like to know the difference between a sociopath and a narcissist.Vis a vis, blame shifting.

[@Treppidation]

Disclaimer this is my layman's understanding of the matter. There's a lot of overlap between methods and behaviors in those personality types, like low empathy victim blaming manipulation lying and so on. What I am trying to say is it might be more useful to you personally to focus less on which that they are than on what they are doing and how you can protect yourself and heal from the damage they have caused. I say this because in my personal experience it doesn't really matter if someone is technically a sociopath or a narcissist so much as it matters how they hurt you and what their pattern of behavior towards you is. Unfortunately abusive people won't really admit why they are abusing you, they often won't admit that they have mistreated you, you won't get justice from them or healing you have to gain your own healing independent of them because they don't actually care about you or the damage their actions have caused you.

[@dougsheldon5560]

@@Treppidation Thanks. I knew she was an escort when she reached out to me, but I've been a lifelong recluse and just kept up the contact. Never even met her. She's Mary Moody on "Only Fans" and other sites.

[@dashiya1570]

From what I understand narcs are driven by critically low self esteem (desperately need to protect it so they become very good at manipulating and making others be less than them) meanwhile sociopaths simply don't give a f which makes them perfect at planning with absolute disregard for consequences of their actions on other people's feelings or lives.

[@dougsheldon5560]

@dashiya1570 that would track with my experience. She's an "ex"- escort with no regard to the problems she has caused.

[@JamilaJibril-e8h]

Telling the truth won't kill anyone earth is big people got better options better life chances and still someone wish their delusional things to be true

[@twenties_nia123]

Dayum! This is kind of straight to the heart as an Asian kid. Thank you Dr. Ana!

[@bananbanan6520]

Had a client who went literally insane and the second I realized she's trying to manipulate the shit out of me and how she's changed her tone I dropped her politely then she called me a manbaby, twat, sociopath 💀💀 them gut feels are correct

[@theGhostSteward]

I realized I got manipulative traces from my previous relationships and start to dump them in my new one. The guilty shifting, the clingyness (I was a stonewalling before). I basically become the people that hurt me and I realized part of that was a self steem so low I really believed they were correct in their complaints. It took me much stress to realize it and now I am trying to break this circle. How someone that uses this things as camping can change? Why we pick them up on the first place? Cause it worked with us? I don't know if I call this manipulation but it must feel to other people

[@itsgoingtobeok-justbreathe4808]

yelling isn't necessarily a bad thing... and repressing feelings or only expressing them in "acceptable" ways is unhealthy. As long as it's not all the time, doesn't go on and on, and it's not abusive or name-calling or demeaning, it can be a healthy and normal way to express feelings.

[@victoriabillah6125]

This channel is a treasure honestly, much love to you dr Ana

[@dashiya1570]

Thank you, you have perfect timing. My interactions with MIL hit almost every sign mentioned . unfortunately I am a severely traumatised person so I did double question myself for the last 2 years and I was living in hope that she is a different person and it's just all triggers that make me think people are bad and would give her every excuse under the moon but this was very eye opening. To start with I am terrified to speak with her about any kind of issue relating to her behavior. Even worse that she is surrounded by enablers :(

[@chungojungo1785]

My mums got PTSD/BPD, it’s like living with two mothers. One kind, loving, and strong, and the other not so much. What would be an appropriate way to set boundaries with someone who is manipulative in a caring way? There’s not a lot of content that recommends continued contact of people like this. She cares a lot, but she is a lot to work with, I’m going grey trying to be present.

[@dr.bandito60]

Ahh sounds like my mother. My condolences. I have been slowly eking out space for my entire adult life. It’s been mostly an internal process within me. If her upset doesn’t trigger a huge emotional response in me, I have the space to make reasonable choices. It takes a lot of work to unpack all the fear and urgency she’s instilled in me. I can tell she likes it when she’s made me afraid. These days, I feel like I am parenting her all the time, and that’s tough in itself. So I limit my contact. Her capacity to actually show up as a parent for me is pretty limited. I can appreciate when it happens, though.

[@sphellchi7307]

In the past month I came to an idea of a spectrum between being and empath and manipulator. Empathy brings you amazing deep connections with people, (knowing) manipulation gives you the strength for success in career. You cannot have and be both in the same situation. Select people with whom to be emphatic and also when to use the knowledge of manipulation. Speaking of work ethics, you cannot be vulnarable and having a big-ass meeting at the same time, you actually need the "ego" to sustain huge decisions and loads of the responsibility. So I think, just being aware of both is the highest you can get, and use it correcty. That's why we have formalities - baundaries that help us all to do the work and achieve the same goal. And if there is manipulator in workplace, collegue, stand up for yourself and play his game so that you win. If this is your friend, just distance and drift away.

[@Clevelandsteamer324]

11:40 the projection can be thought of as package 📦 they want to make you receive. Don’t sign for or accept it. They will take it elsewhere.

[@ivana5618]

My breaking point was when they spent the entire past weekend emotionally dumping on me about stuff that had nothing to do with me trying to make me responsible for their emotional stability like usual. When I told them it was unproductive and draining they tried the guilt trip me with If you really loved me you would deal with me and not doing that is not being a good partner. My birthday was a few days later and decided to do what I wanted for once and celebrated with some old college friends since they clearly werent in a good mood. I didnt hear the end of how much I hurt their feelings and made them feel like I hate them and dont want them around and now they feel even worse and it's because of me. When I realized what I wanted still came second even on my birthday a celebration of me, literally could not have one day where everything wasnt about them and there emotions, is when I finally saw they were never going to change and walked away for good. Its scary that google says 25% of people in the dating pool use manipulation.

[@laurenwilgus9910]

Well said this is something that definitely resonates with me! Its complex to explain but makes sense! It would be good to hear more specific examples of this!

[@LovisaSvensson-iw7wc]

Thanks. A man wanted to get closer to me romantically so he kept trying to make me feel ashamed of myself, and he was really good at it too. He also wanted me to feel obligated and dependent on him. When he did the fifth shame-barrage and asked me if I think my behaviour is fair, I simply said yes, and he left the room immediately. Fortunately he wasn't bluffing so he's out of my life now. I did entertain his bullshit for a while but I knew what he was doing from day 1, so that helped me handle the situation. And I think I was vaccinated against his shame and guilt a little bit, because I've been working so damn hard on sorting myself out the past few years that I really think that I don't need to feel shame to change my behaviour for the better. His methods was only going to make me into a worse person.

[@rumpeltyltskyn]

The shame thing really drove home, times my ex would make me feel sooo guilty for getting mad (even not directed at her) just because it made her ‘uncomfortable’, despite having multiple times confiding in her how my mom would do that to me and it hurt me really bad, made me feel like I was never allowed to be upset. I would rationalize that she wasn’t doing it on purpose but… she had to be. It was a BIG THING for me. She had to know. She didn’t do this to our partner who would have crying screaming tantrums. But she would guilt me for getting audibly upset when things happened to me.

[@MrRubyElf]

I really relate to feeling afraid of their reaction. So glad I'm not with my ex anymore

[@Joefest99]

There’s a difference between being encouraged and guided properly and being “manipulated.” And shame absolutely has its place.

[@elnargosol]

These videos are very helpful, thank you very much.

[@Chrisratata]

Passive aggressively saying that people that care about their families call home more often

[@karolusmagnus3992]

ya that's rough, sorry you have someone in your life like that.

[@PragmaticEmpath]

Thank you for all that you do. I’ve followed you for years and appreciate the feedback and clarity you have. 🙏

[@leonama6876]

These assertions are spot on. Thanks Anna

[@Aster-v8j]

"Your afraid of their reaction" well shit not a great start for me. The constant pivoting and veiled threats in conversation. 12:00 Edit: wait this whole year was like this?😮

[@rituparnadesai3665]

Unfortunately it is very common in Asian parents. To draw boundaries we need to physically cross boundaries. 😢

[@blackleviathan]

thank you dr. Ana your videos always have lots of windsom. congratulations for your new course 😄

[@alisonclairejanuarie4630]

8:28 heard your cat awwwwwwwww

[@houdabouabdallah7106]

It was amazing, like everything just clicked!

[@Tommykey07]

Getting a chuckle out of the cat meowing in the background

[@HassanAhmed-mu1bu]

manipulation techniques come from understanding someone's circumstances, characteristics, religion, view of religion etc... so i would say there are endless ways, but low manipulation comes from guilt like beggars who say their daughter have illness, i am ashamed that i am asking that (we are close, relatable), (asking about age) then saying you are like a younger brother (again relatability), since its common, its low its predictable. Also they might actually need help, but i just do what want to do like give them a small sum of money or none. But i know they are either manipulators for bad or good.

[@donnietobasco4526]

Great video thank you so much.

[@mekman4]

Thank you for these insights!

[@tireless2342]

needed that, thank you 🤍

[@buriedtoodeep1508]

Super helpful video. Pivotal. Thanks again Ana

[@ivana5618]

How long does it take to break the manipulation cycle of them guilt tripping you and making you feel obligated to stay?

[@louise6268]

Good grief, did you meet my mother? The QUEEN of silent treatment. Whenever she would hurt me, accidentally or not (brushing my hair too hair, making my bleed while cutting my fingernails, bringing me to the salon to get my armpits and legs waxed at age 9 without asking or explaining...) and I dared to be angry, she would just stop talking to me for the rest of the day, at least. Or when something bad happened to me, like her sister's boyfriend touching my ass in front of the whole family at christmas, she would also stop talking to me She once stopped talking to my brother for, and I'm not kidding, 6 months! While we all lived under the same roof! Because he was quitting the program his dad had pressured him into. I remember being surprised when I found out other kids did not assume their parents would abandon them at the restaurant whenever they left for the bathroom. I even felt that fear again as an adult during a visit, before realizing if they DID bail, I could just enjoy the rest of my meal in peace and go home earlier

[@user-zv9qi2ki3t]

Is it where possible to make money with this game because it's almost Christmas and I have to make my family proud at least a good tidings for them and please any recommendation ???

[@user-zv9qi2ki3t]

Sorry you know there is a lot of scam here but but one of my friend have told me about this woman you just called her name but I didn't believe because I don't want to lose my money

[@HaroldS.Creighton]

No she's not a scammer I have her contacts right here in my phone and I can only share it here if you request for it

[@user-zv9qi2ki3t]

Okay since everybody has been saying good thing about this woman Kate I will want you to share her contact here please 🙏

[@JohnPlummer1]

Yes I know that woman Kate Elizabeth breacher I guess I met her last month and after I trade with her I got my first $45,000 last week

[@TheodoreC.Strickland]

When you do good things people always preach good about you that means this woman people has been saying good about her is a good trader and I will trade with her too

[@peachdumpling3]

Thank you for sharing your interesting intelligence dear. Can’t wait for you to start your family. I’m so proud of you

[@bifidoc]

it's very true from consumer side, but from provider (manipulator) it's not like that in the most of the cases except if you aren't dealing with highly intelligent psychopath. most manipulators are narcissists are not consciously manipulating, they don't "know", they are guided by their own emotions.

[@tom33067]

Excellent videos. Have you thought about doing one the psychology behind kinks?

[@RougeDeBlah]

Feel like I've been manipulated my whole life

[@BubonicJitters]

I feel a lot of these feelings with almost everyone that I talk to. Certainly, it can't be that everyone is trying to control me. Is there another explanation?

[@TriggerHappyThoughts]

Mate 💀

[@BubonicJitters]

@TriggerHappyThoughts what!?

[@saggygnaw]

For some reason I feel compelled to purchase a radiator…

[@ElmoBiotech]

This is very useful to me as a high school teacher!😂😭😁

[@AntonioSalinas-p5d]

Take notes government agency workers because the next four years will be critical for you to keep your head in all and every situation as never before, there is a positive when you know your online activity is being monitored. ;)

[@ckjaytheactual]

If you find yourself watching a video to check if they're manipulating you... 😗

[@damnablethief]

When they drain your bank account lol

[@AnitaTapio]

Could've used this video before friday😭😅

[@Hav3n]

this sounds a lot just like my parents 😭

[@GinaBrittCo]

My narcissistic mom did all of these - oy

[@MrFrigid247]

Let that cat in!

[@AnaPsychology]

She’s in, she just keeps meowing at me😂

[@neloth9874]

Feels like kinda manipulated by you! 😍😍

[@Roter_reis]

This is my youth in a nutshell

[@JanisMollineau]

Is this train of thought something that manipulators consciously do? Eg. A toxic of narcissist person

[@PaolaTheTimeLord]

both. depending how malicious they are

[@Bubby-g1p]

Self report, but this goes great with dracula from Conkers bad fur day.

[@MrRatMommy]

13:00 al blame shifting

[@aidenwarda7957]

No, I can't hear the cat purring, just so you know. Thanks for the video!

[@BerkalogClips]

*i think i got manipulated by u*

[@thejayroh0011]

Heavily edited videos are a strong sign

[@claudiasoler7328]

Does manipulation always have to be deliberate? Can manipulators not realize they are doing it? I know my mom and my ex-best friend can be pretty manipulative at times but I do not think they are doing it with malicious intent. Whenever I read (or watch videos) about manipulation tactics it seems like it is always an intentional move on their part. Is it still manipulation if they do not know they're doing it?

[@aaaaaaaard9586]

Can one have manipulative behaviors without a malicious intention, or even with a good intention? I have a colleague that makes me feel exactly those you listed, but I'm not sure if this is a personality difference and misunderstanding situation, or someome trying to manipulate me and me not noticing the toxic relationship.

[@PaolaTheTimeLord]

it’s somebody manipulating you. just cause they’re soft spoken & not directly malicious doesn’t make it less noticeable 😅 it’s still f up behavior

[@alrighttumbleweed4782]

Yeah sometimes people aren't self aware enough to recognize that their behavior is manipulative. Or sometimes they fully know that they're being manipulative but it feels like it's for a good enough reason, similar to how a "white lie" can be acceptable to people if they believe it's a more helpful answer. A lot of manipulative people convince themselves that they're guiding you toward a choice that's in your own best interests as well as theirs. While it can seem like they're just looking out for you it's actually a bit more gross than that because it shows that they feel superior to you or more intelligent, they think they know you better than you know yourself and they don't respect your autonomy to make choices for yourself.

[@Fake-dq6gb]

Who wants to buy a radiator?

[@vicku1202]

what if i feel like this by default

[@karolusmagnus3992]

I feel the same way, I'm not sure what to do about that either. I feel shame for who I am because I have autism and can't perform at the same level as neurotypicals in ways they deem valuable (independence, cleaning, chores, getting my hands dirty, caring about culture and sports etc.) I've been shamed for who I am so many times I can't even try to estimate. tens of thousands maybe? It's at least 1 per interaction with neurotypicals that I feel fundamentally misunderstood, and made to feel bad about it. "Why are you like this?" I think is one of the most common ones I get.

[@Ralph_W]

My two cents: I think your videos would be even better if you looked into the camera lens and didn't do so much editing.

[@Ggsshut]

Damn :/ this is me

[@ncf7]

My ex... 8/8

[@Blueman0966]

Based upload

[@swagsukeuchiha7599]

You manipulating me with thumbnails

[@lime427]

6:16 I was distracted and heard "fuck off" 🥲😂😂

[@alrighttumbleweed4782]

Haha this would be a perfect acronym for the situation 😂

[@peachdumpling3]

Hey, I have a manipulation kink but only with my consenting girls I meet. I like being teased playfully but I guess that’s much different. I also enjoy taking control. Respect is very important ❤

[@Spider9791]

First sign, they call themselves a name that means " to control the mind", or governos mentos, or government... it literally translates to "to control the mind".

[@paulrhyne4]

🌞❤️

[@SagAqua8]

Je ma pocut?

[@radrabbit6946]

Hmm, no cultural or class or westernized values contextualization here…that’s not the gold standard for practice and some of this information can be harmful or weaponized. I really appreciate the quality of your work especially giving examples, but manipulation can be considered a human trait- even therapy itself contains a quality of it at times. Children will do it purely to get their needs met, and it’s up to caregivers to redirect it to the most healthy channels of expression possible. It can be an effective way of keeping safe or calm in scenarios where direct conflict isn’t effective or possible. I think the context and history of all individuals matters a great deal, so that skillful determination of what kind you’re receiving or giving and possibly to what end (level of risk, benign motivations etc) and communication and damaging ‘othering’ avoided.

[@Tmmd75]

Sounds like religion putting yourself last

[@Vladimyrful]

Hmm, you have to be very careful with these, because ironically, someone could use these 'signs' to gasslight you. Personal example: A girl I was dating hit me once (we had just started dating(I'm a guy)) because se felt criticized - even though I was as careful as possible not to offend her and make it sound like a joke, rather than a harsh critique. In this situation she SHOULD feel ashamed and guilty because what she did was wrong. But if she were to watch this video she could go: "There! You're the one manipulating ME!"(She actually DID do a lot of this). Obligation isn't always bad either. Again, if we're dating, I feel a sense of obligation to be loyal to you, regardless of how I feel about incoming offers from other women.

[@AnaPsychology]

15:58 covers this

[@Treppidation]

Manipulative people often employ DARVO. Deny Attack Reverse Victim and Offender. Which sounds like what she did to you. "I didn't do it, you made me do it/you deserve it, actually you're abusing me" like, dishonest people will use any and every tool they can get their hands on and when making or publishing resources for people acting in good faith we should keep this in mind to a point but we shouldn't not put out resources to help victims of abuse or manipulation (etc) because their abusers might try to weaponize these resources.

[@Vladimyrful]

@@Treppidation That's interesting, I've never heard of that acronym. Yeah, I agree, it's kind of a difficult pole-walk because, on one hand, I understand Dr. Ana: you kinda have to generalize to be able to explain things, and reach a wide audience, on the other hand you have a point about giving manipulators ammo. That's why one should be careful, it's annoyingly complicated.

[@ZuZu_Petals]

Do you interact with other humans? You're being manipulated and you're manipulating

[@cultural-and-historical]

"Influence someone to leave a relationship that *you deem* is toxic" without caring what they want. Explain???

[@farmsalot1233]

Convince a person to leave the parent of your child because you believe it is toxic, not because it actually is.

[@AnaPsychology]

What I said exactly is, “There are non problematic forms of manipulation, like maybe trying to influence someone to get out of a toxic relationship, and then there are insidious types of manipulation where it doesn’t really matter to you what the other person wants.” Of course, when you twist and completely rearrange my words, it’s going to give the completely opposite meaning to what I actually said. But the good part is that this is a recording and you can play it back word for word😉 Yes, we all influence each other in day-to-day life. In this context, telling a friend that you’re concerned about their relationship, helping them create a safety or escape plan, sharing your own journey with leaving a toxic relationship-these are all examples of trying to influence someone. Of course, you should always ultimately respect the other person’s autonomy. That’s why I specified that insidious forms of manipulation don’t do that.

[@TheSushyyum]

MEOW