Social Anxiety Disorder explained for beginners - how I wish I was taught

Social anxiety disorder (SAD) isn’t about being shy, awkward, or introverted. It’s a problem of connection, attention, and evaluation. It can be debilitating however it's treatable.
My favorite social anxiety exposure exercises: • Top Social Anxiety Tip...
Social anxiety disorder screening: nationalsocialanxietycenter.c...
Learn more:
- www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publi...
- adaa.org/understanding-anxiet...
- www.abct.org/fact-sheets/shyn...
- www.dbmhresource.org/uploads/2...
- www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/arti...
Topics discussed:
0:00​ - Intro
0:30 - What is social anxiety disorder?
3:14 - Why social anxiety disorder matters
6:46 - How social anxiety disorder works
10:01 - How to manage social anxiety disorder
13:09 - How to help someone with social anxiety disorder
Connect with Ali:
Discord ► / discord
Twitter ► / alimattu​
Facebook ► / thepsychshow​
Instagram ► / alimattu​
TikTok ► / alimattuphd
Patreon ► / thepsychshow​
Email ► [e-mail]
Website ► alimattu.com/​
For information purposes only. Does not constitute clinical advice. Consult your local medical authority for advice. The information in this video was accurate as of the upload date, September 7, 2022.
If you or someone you know needs help immediately, you should take one of the following actions:
- call 9-8-8 in the United States or your country's emergency number: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of...
- call the Lifeline at 1-800-273 TALK (8255) in the United States or a global crisis hotlines: findahelpline.com/i/iasp
- text START to 741-741 in the United States or visit www.crisistextline.org
- go to your nearest hospital emergency room

[@drali]

What is social anxiety like for you?

[@tekkies_and_tresses8902]

I delevoped social anxiety when a teacher embarrassed me during a speech I was giving and I couldn't answer a question she asked me about the speech. It just got worse in middle school, because I was the only Indian person in my school and I was bullied a lot. I still have not learned to cope with it. To this day, it's still a crippling fear of mine and I struggle to cope on a daily basis. I'm glad you made this video. It explains exactly how I feel and made me realize that I need to get help for it.

[@drali]

@@tekkies_and_tresses8902 thanks for sharing your experience! I’ll never forget a math teacher who told me “that’s a dumb question” when I asked how to multiple fractions. I couldn’t remember and his evaluation made me never want to ask for help in math ever again. You are not alone! I get where you’re coming from and hope this video and the resources in the description can help you feel more confident to take the next best step for you.

[@Anticicity.]

Social anxiety for me is…difficult to deal with. It’s not that I’m shy or anything. It’s just that I absolutely hate social interaction. Like at a birthday party. I stay away from everyone. Replying to a text message or sending one can be so scary because in my head I hear: “They’re gonna hate you” or “They’re gonna be weirded out.” I wanna be with other people but my brain just refuses. I often find myself backing off from new situations and making eye contact is impossible. Im glad that you are reading this, whoever you are. Our attention can become narrow and we don’t see the bigger picture. As of writing this I’m tempting to delete it all. Thanks for listening! 🙃

[@king-yt9717]

social anxiety is a big challenge for me how to start overcame this problem please give the map to move

[@Ikigai747]

loop of self loathing, for me its like maybe i can do it within the comfort of some people who i know but sometimes its hard with them too like my parents i wont say i really am very comfortable with them either, just that the core feeling never goes away i always have the same thoughts and feelings that come back the moment i enter a new place

[@fkhan2006]

6:31 this is the best part because I can feel its truth everyday. "people with social anxiety want to talk to you, but their brain keeps telling them they don't belong"

[@someone2021]

It's not their brains that tell them they don't belong it is society. Most people are judgemental aholes.

[@18puppies91]

Yes! People think I don't want to talk to them and avoid them since I dislike them. But I want friends. I just dont have it in me to reach out. I chat so much to my friends, but I have so few because I can't talk to strangers.

[@EDEENTERT.]

I can't handle it anymore ... 4 years loneliness 😥😥😥

[@samsam21amb]

Yes, I want to talk to people so bad I hype my self up before meeting a person or going somewhere, but as soon as I leave the house I'm shattered.

[@christinanash]

It feels like I’m serving a life sentence in the worst prison - in my own head.

[@niharbanik7936]

😊❤

[@albin1816]

Same.. I just want to find a group of people who share the same pain, and have a big get together group hug and cry it out haha.

[@moncefserouri376]

Same for me unfortunately ​@Axelandruromanus

[@d2d601]

Yes where the jailer knows your worse fears.

[@noluzukomacanda3093]

I feel like that too, worst feeling ever

[@mukulseth]

Wanting connection but not feeling good enough or worthy. And trying to resolve that conflict without any clear solutions.

[@drali]

You just summed it up!

[@evelyndaisy9722]

You ARE worthy ❤️

[@wishingwell_333]

not even a minute in and already the beginning and this comment are about it. i recently overcame my complete inability to talk to anyone and it's cool it really was jus an issue of self worth, esteem, security, fear!

[@wishingwell_333]

since ive felt a lot more extroverted than i thought i was. it's strange how much anxiety felt like a internal wired part of me , it isn't for anyone you are so much more

[@sandex5692]

I'm 22 years old and I'm a medstudent. This social anxiety disorder is killing me. How can I get help

[@chickennuggetpaw]

The worst part about overcoming social anxiety is that you have to learn to actually talk to people. It sounds terrifying ngl

[@Megan-lr2hx]

Good advice but I never could find myself doing that without being weird or socially awkward.

[@literalspam6894]

@@Megan-lr2hx thats exactly the issue, you're finding yourself awkward cuz you are overanalyzing yourself from 3rd person pov, which is giving this false perception of yourself.

[@emanrazzaq5755]

​@@ritao1958 absolutely

[@AvionPallitta-uc8ft]

Ion like socializing it makes me feel scared

[@1004jinji]

i found myself spending a lot of time searching on internet "how to socialize" "how to speak slowly and not stutter" "how to fake confidence" "how to socialize without being awkward" and thought, is this normal? though, in my case i think this is nothing near social anxiety and a lot of people might experience it worse than me. but still, most of the days i feel like 'the odd one' and always try so hard just to socialize. it's really difficult and exhausting, like putting on a mask, i often fake my smiles and laughs. sometimes i really feel like an alien learning how to be a human.

[@graceharvest3096]

This was a great breakdown! I have social anxiety. Have had it since I was a kid. It’s debilitating. I don’t even feel close to my family anymore because I never know how to converse with them and don’t call much. I hate going to get together a because I always feel left out even when I’m trying to be social it’s like I’m not good enough. And I’m very hyper aware of peoples facial expressions and such so I am always feeling uncomfortable and offended. Ugh

[@_nabong3146]

me two, except I'm 16

[@orangetiyger2850]

Same 😅😂 especially if you experience social isolation mostly due to the pandemic

[@craigcampbell765]

This is exactly how I feel. Even when I put in the effort to try to socialize, I end up feeling even more lonely because it make me aware of how hard social interaction is for me and how easy it is for everyone else. I become a different person in public. My fight or flight kicks in and it makes me panic so much I can’t even have a normal convo 😕

[@Poppen000]

@@_nabong3146same

[@mendyboio3917]

Well put, me too. The worst part is. My family thinks, I'm doing it. As oppossed to, it's doing it too me. It's not my choice to be anxious. I just am anxious. Thank you for shareing.

[@syedamaniha4386]

As a person I think I've social anxiety after learning about symptoms, worst part is that you feel unworthy, embarrassed and overthinking making you think you're unloved and no one loves you, I hope everyone gets a control on it.

[@genealogygeek6973]

“Feel like people are looking at you.” I felt that.

[@Ninie9]

Having social anxiety in Africa is the worst , less or no awareness in most communities, it’s hard to even have friends if you have social anxiety, we are portrayed as dull , un social, and no one believes that anyone with social anxiety can be successful , anything achieved is taken as luck .

[@alexisdondawest4152]

I feel ya. I'm Ghanaian-American and dread going home to visit because I feel they won't accept me. I have severe social-anxiety.

[@hearditfirst8010]

​@@alexisdondawest4152same here sis. I'm Nigerian American and I have the same fear lol. I'm supposed go home this year for the holidays and I'm dying slowly at the thought. Don't want my fam to see what I've become. It's shameful and embarrassing

[@alexisdondawest4152]

💖💖💖@@hearditfirst8010

[@EDEENTERT.]

My families are 40km away from me but i can't even make a phone call here in Ethiopia 😥

[@kdove2259]

I think i’ve spent too much time coping with my social anxiety by morphing myself into whatever “acceptable” form different groups require. This made me feel really liked for a while. But ive reached a time where being authentic is more important to me than being liked, and im really struggling to figure out how to be my authentic self and handle the social anxiety simultaneously

[@kdove2259]

Oooo i think my core fear is criticism 😮

[@Hx3ney]

I hear you! I slowly let certain friendships die off because it's exhausting not being authentic also they were very one-sided. I hope you found special people who appreciate YOU and you're doing well 💕🌻

[@Cookiekeks]

This describes me so well

[@adellharrydesigns]

I dropped out of highschool because of social anxiety. I didn't know to call it social anxiety, I just remember telling my parents I was too scared to go to school. They'd ask me why and I'd say I don't know!

[@miguel213]

That's understandable. When I was in middle and high school, I would skip school but not on test days, or deadline days. I would skip on field trip days, assemblies, and other in-school events due to social anxiety. Consequently, I would get suspended often (not that I would mind much). Interesting that you, like me, are also a graphic designer!

[@goxyeagle8446]

People are terrible to each other, especially kids because we tend to be more honest as kids and more prone to bully others

[@arpitsingh9287]

I'm in college right now and avoiding to go college from last 4 months....

[@samwalsh8299]

I’ve had really bad social anxiety when I was 12, and this made my life a nightmare, everyday when I went to school I got bullied because I acted differently because of my social anxiety. I was introverted and a bit different to begin with, social anxiety exacerbated all my troubles, and I wanted people to like me so badly because I didn’t want to be seen as the “quiet weird kid”, so I started doing stupid things to get people to laugh at me, but then people picked on me and bullied me more. It was a vicious cycle all within my head, I never told anyone, this went on for 3 to 4 years. Now I’m 18 and I’m at peace with who I am, I understand that I don’t need people to accept me and that it’s alright to be quiet and whatever. But this is after years of bullying and daily cycles of nightmares. I hope nobody has to go through what I had to go through.

[@1milebehind]

heres a vitrual hug dude im so sorry you experienced all that 🫂 hope u found people who accept u as who u are!

[@saga353]

@@1milebehind fr

[@Megan-lr2hx]

I think that’s what had happened to me too about having social anxiety and acting weird to the point that people picked on me because of it.

[@PiyushScorchers]

❤

[@Mushroom321-]

Im glad you have more self acceptance. !😮

[@MultipleOffenses]

I wish we'd had access to these types of conversations/etc. when I was a kid. I grew up thinking that not only was something 'wrong' with me for having these feelings, but that it was my own personal quirk that no one else had or could understand.

[@kimberleyvasquez9265]

Once I got my anxiety attack last week it has taken a toll in my life, I can’t even eat at a restaurant because I start to feel anxious… I lost my job because of my anxiety… I don’t want to lose myself…

[@hearditfirst8010]

Hope you are doing well. I feel you

[@ryandyches8449]

Dr. Ali, I never comment on videos but I came across this one and it hit me like a semi truck. I’m 44 years old and your 14 min video summed up the last 32 years of my life to a T. Everything you described is exactly how I’ve felt but could never explain to people. I learned over the years how to manage my social anxiety but I still struggle with it everyday. I’m subscribing to your channel and want to devour all your content. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. Sincerely-Ryan

[@mizuyroart]

I'm an introvert and I'm not sure if I have social anxiety or not, but my heart goes crazy just from opening the door to the delivery guy and I hate phone calls or going alone to places I've never been before. Next year I have my wedding and I'm scared to be in the center of attention for so long and I feel weird just admitting this here

[@DefaultName-ue5lg]

I lived with this all my life not knowing why, everyday was a challenge, it's so sad to realise it now that it was actually a disorder

[@Megan-lr2hx]

I’m an introvert too. Yeah, you have social anxiety. I used to be scared of picking up phone calls but now I wish people would call more because it gets quiet at home.

[@psych7776]

I feel sorry for everyone like this and yeah I'm also one of you ,i cry everday

[@mizuyroart]

@@user_h1 yes, I had my wedding last month and it was better than I expected. I avoided most of the wedding traditions and I was lucky it was quite a small wedding (I'm happy not many people showed up haha). I did spend most of the time with my close friends and family tho, and I let my husband take care of the other guests

[@89kilemal]

​@@LADY-CFCHaha I'm 35 as well and feel the same. I could never go through with an event like that, I dunno how people do it!

[@myAPIcjourney]

Omg you just explained my whole life. I really want to heal from this. I'm a mom and I'm so scared of my kids learning to be scared because of how i am. The thought of going to therapy makes me anxious. Back in college I'd hover around the student therapy center but never went in. I tried going to college twice. Dropped out both times within a year of finishing. Everything was just such a trigger. Ugh i have so much to say and so many memories. I'm glad i found this channel. I need something. I want to really live my life and my mind always feels so.... overactive.

[@benjaminferguson2219]

idk if you've seen it but he's got another good one talking about overcoming iy without therapy

[@thegoodfellow41]

What you resist persist. Look up 369 manifestation method.

[@canelop4p181]

Social anxiety and OCD are probably 2 of my biggest problems. Videos like this give me the belief that hopefully I can deal with such problems.

[@ocdandanxiety]

Social anxiety was my jam as well when I was younger.....still pops up even today! 👍

[@drali]

I experience it the most right now when I’m speaking with people who I perceive as having a lot more experience than me, ESPECIALLY if I need to ask a question.

[@Ikigai747]

wow thank you for sharing

[@Anonymous-gh1ts]

6:21 - That is exactly how I see myself and what others say about me - I’m just quiet. When I was young, I was very confident and a bright child. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve become quieter, more worried and anxious and find it harder to relax in social situations. Thank you for your clear explanation of social anxiety, it’s very helpful and I can definitely relate!

[@nateortega2912]

Same here. It started in 9th grade in my case. I always did have a thought of not belonging anywhere, and it hurts, and I feel lonely. Even now, I'm 22, and I still have this lonely feeling

[@goxyeagle8446]

I always felt shy but then in one moment, around age 15 it get worsen and I totally avoided social interactions

[@muhammadzainulabideen5345]

I adopted social anxiety about 5 years ago when i was in 11 standard. I remember in my O levels, i didn't study well so my teacher asked me to stand up and insult me in front of 40 students. But i kept my smile on face and dropped my head down. I remember that time when so many people were watching me but i was always not thinking about being judged by them, and i never lost my confidence, even though i was a shy kid and not talk much. It started from 11th standard, with new students I didn't talk much and that kept me pushing back and back for not participating in the conversation of my friends. That was the time when i adopted the feelings that if i speak, these guys will laugh and say "look he can also talk". That kept me quite and not to speak. Slowly the time started passing away and i kept realizing how confident students are, who are always contributing in the discussion. I started to take my voice as a weird one, i thought if i spoke, all the guys will humiliate me and say "see who's speaking today". This feeling kept developing and now i feel like, "yes i do have a social anxiety and people judgement fear but i feel like my bigger problem is not the social anxiety, it is the fear of speaking, not too sure if it's the same thing 😂, anyways now i am 27 and i keep myself in my house almost all day long, my heart starts beating fast when my mom asks me to go out for grocery shopping. Many times when someone stops me, i fall in a panic situation, my heart beats like a crazy drummer. Whenever guests are Expected at home, my heartbeat will go up whenever i think about the situation i could face while sitting and talking to the guests. social anxiety has made this life tough and don't let me enjoy. But from yesterday i have started an exposure therapy. Going out to the market without face mask or chewing gums. I was fearing for the worst but in the end that 1st day went really well. I hope to continue this therapy and recover fully❤

[@stringlyplot6615]

Most school days I don’t talk at all I act like I’m using my phone but inside I just want to get freed from this curse

[@hearditfirst8010]

​@@stringlyplot6615I used to pretend to be asleep to avoid being called to read or answer

[@sarafinasegwagwa6271]

It's never going out, not because you don't want to but because you're afraid that you'll embarrass yourself or something unexpected might happen and you'll not know what to do. It's not opening up to people because you're convinced they wouldn't like you. And preparing so hard for tomorrow's lessons to keep the anxiety of being in class to a manageable amount. It's really exhausting, but I still want to be around people, which makes no sense to me.

[@drali]

Very well said!

[@akeyrtainment8507]

People with social anxiety disorder is, if not one of the most misunderstood person on planet earth. I have mild SOD since I was in primary school, and it got worse in my high school, because I was in the boarding school. Even now, I am still having that problem.

[@afafouldkhesal]

It feels like not wanting to exist arround people but want people to unsee your thoughts and get along with you

[@neverlandproductions1262]

I am 34 and have struggled with social anxiety for a long long time. 3rd grade has always stuck out in my head as the first worst year. I could never go to the bathroom in school I would hold it till I got home because I was so scared to get up and walk across the class to ask the teacher. I always felt like everyone was staring at me and thinking how weird I am. I went to one sleep over my whole child hood. I did NOT talk much if any in school. I was picked on because by 7th grade I was just weird. I even tried to convince myself in middle school that everyone felt this way and that I needed to get over it which did NOT work at alllll. When a teacher would call on my in class I would start crying. In high school I would take a zero on a project where I had to present to the class. I eventually started self medicating because I did not know why I felt that way. But ...I wanted to be apart of everyone and conversations soooo bad. Its like being behind a glass wall and seeing everyone on the other side happy and becoming friends and your on the other side and cant figure out how to be like them. My mother and father were addicts so I was raised by my grandparents and my WHOLE childhood I remember them saying "She just needs to come out of her shell!" or "She's just shy and one day she’ll COME OUT OF HER SHELL" it was always a shell I was trapped in. I feel like social anxiety has robbed me of a lot of opportunities I really wanted in life. I used to day dream when I was a kid about being about to socialize and hangout and be invited to stuff like other kids were...I lived a lot of my adolescent in my head. I take Paxil now 60mg and it has helped I would say 40% Its a little easier to explain how I am feeling to a doctor now. I still cry a lot..very very sensitive. I am in recovery from Opiates...When I first started using them in my early 20's I thought I had cured myself because nothing had made me feel like "others". Today I manage by working with a therapist at a methadone clinic. Everyday is a struggle though I am having around 2 to 3 good days a week which is an improvement and i'll take what i can get ..lol. Social Anxiety is handicapping and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I also was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 31 which now I see makes a lot of sense. Ive always been the daydreamer type...not hyperactive. I cannot take stimulants because it causes my social anxiety to worsen. I had an AWFUL experience with adderall when I was 31 and first diagnosed. I backed away from the treatment and was told If I want to revisit it again we would. I go here in a few days to my doctor to discuss treating ADHD without using stimulants so I am hoping there is a solution ! wish me luck! Thank you for your videos!

[@davdjimenez1150]

I’m so glad I found your channel, your so well spoken and well versed on your profession. Thank you for your knowledge and teachings for us all. Truly much appreciated 🙏

[@betternotknowingme4982]

I'm abled to understand almost everything you said... Abled to feel your childhood discomfort and tears are running through my eyes cause it feels like finally I got to know about whatever I go through

[@karlenasanchez9376]

Geez this is so well explained that is actually scary. Thanks for actually spread such a good information to those who are experiencing social anxiety and don’t know they are and those who don’t, but this help them to understand what’s going on inside of our heads in order to empathize more

[@desireegriffin]

Wow, i really appreciate the way you spoke about social anxiety! So openly and like it's normal. Thank you

[@roxiane]

This is perhaps the best video I’ve seen on social anxiety in all of KZbin. It really takes one who has gone through it themselves to understand the condition through and through 😬 Subscribed!

[@Megan-lr2hx]

Spot on, Dr. Ali! You had described my social anxiety experiences. Growing up, I didn’t get to directly talk for myself. I have an older sister so she would do most of the talking for me, especially when some people wanted to be my friends but I would talk to sister so she could talk to them for me. My parents would make it worse when strangers, friends, or neighbors ask about me they would talk for me instead of easing me into the conversation. Till today I still have social anxiety like the third point you brought to our attention social anxiety makes a person quiet that because they want to just not being able to connect with others and the person on the other side would only see you as that. And the last one for me is having social anxiety and making it worse for myself, for me, would be not letting the door slam or making any noises for people to know I’m outside. When I’m outside and I hear people coming outside, the noises trigger my anxiety.

[@salpivartivarian1615]

You have such a kind heart.

[@eliomiro7855]

This is by far the most accurate and best video on the subject. Thanks.

[@Leesle15]

Great video, as always. Definitely, for me, craving connection but not knowing how to build it. Feeling like I have nothing to offer and wanting to vomit every time I try to order pizza. My mum used to say to me "What makes you think anyone is thinking about you at all? Why do you think you're important enough for that person to waste energy making fun of you?" - She was well intentioned, but it was definitely not a good thing to say.

[@butterfly-pf8lj]

Yes people would say that to me and it would me it worse.

[@QCCatPlanes]

Same for me too. It is the worst thing for people to tell a socially anxious person

[@89kilemal]

Honestly I think that's good advice. No one is really thinking about us!

[@Leesle15]

@@89kilemal maybe not, but saying it as "you're not worth thinking about" is just not the way to explain that. Especially to a kid.

[@anamikasingh9634]

Never in my life I felt so good about learning about this problem... Thanks Doc you're a good man.

[@drali]

Happy to help

[@Abc-ft8qf]

Wow the way you've described it was on point! I've been struggling since middle school. Glad to say it does get easier as you get older. You start doubting yourself less as your progress in life

[@hussainshah5868]

You explained this in such a clear and concise way! I especially loved how you tied in your upbringing because it was super relatable. It has me thinking of some uncomfortable ways I would try to manage my anxiety that was making it worse. I am maybe starting an internship soon and will jot these down to remind me of these things when I inevitably have some more of that exposure! Thanks so much

[@chevillenoon6242]

This is explained so well!! I was diagnosed a couple years ago and can relate so much

[@wolfferoni]

This is the best video I've seen on social anxiety and I've seen many because I've struggled for so long with it. It's really clear that you have a deep understanding and personal experience. As much as someone can have a lot of knowledge in an area, having lived experience is something else and I appreciate that you shared experiences and stories from your life.

[@user-bn6pc3rr4u]

I was diagnosed with selective mutism and social anxiety disorder as a child and I’ve never had any of the many doctors I went to break it down or explain my condition the way you have. I’ve never been recommended this treatments or told where to begin in trying to help myself despite expressing my desire to overcome my anxiety. I’m so grateful that there are doctors/people like you in the world that genuinely want to help others grow and learn. This has been very eye opening! Thank you so so much

[@christychastain21]

I was diagnosed with social anxiety when I was twelve. And am now 41. But have never heard anybody come close to explaining it as accurate and spot-on, as did in this video. It's amazing to me to see somebody that has it is on a video and it's publicly talk about it. Although is helpful to see other people have it. And then be able to deal with it so well! .

[@jlykes]

I just have to say - I love the production value of these recent videos. Well done!!

[@drali]

Thank you!!! I’m trying keep them improving. The next few will continue to experiment with the format. Let me know what you think 🙌🏽

[@mondo5412]

Thank you for sharing your knowledge!

[@federicam.4917]

Thank you doctor Mattu.❤ I've struggled with this all my life but in the last couple of years I've learnt to cope with it pretty well. I have a job that requires me to engage with kids and people in general and I love it. I really don't want to miss those moments of fun and connection. I've learnt to create a connection quickly and I engage, talk and have fun with people while I'm in the moment. The problem is when I'm done and come back home and I'm alone and anxiety starts to come up. I have flashbacks of things I said or done and start overanalyzing everything and being very harsh on myself. Sometimes my thoughts become so negative so quickly that I panick. My worst fear is that I could have said or done something that was misunderstood and I'd offended someone, or not being good enough, lose everyone I care about, ....the list goes on. Thank you for your helpful videos. 😊

[@sujalsuthar99]

wow i am glad to see you back.... i appreciate the editing too!!

[@drali]

It’s great to be back! Trying to improve the whole production process. Glad it resonated with you!

[@BNL07604]

Great video, really appreciate this! You have a new subscriber! Started really watching this channel when I was getting bad CBT and just wanted to make sense of it all, so you were a big help with that. Thank you so much!

[@drali]

Welcome to the community!!! Good to have you hear. There’s a lot about the mental health system that frustrates me and one of my biggest frustrations is how secretive the whole process can be. Hope to share what happens behind the curtain here to help folks make good decisions about their mental health journey.

[@nflfanaticconvert4611]

Thanks for sharing your own struggles and providing advice! The thoughts are a big problem with it so how important it is for peace of mind. Peace of mind is really a grace and of course there is also the element of just forcing one into these situations and trying to become more courageous and resisting avoidance. The group practice sessions sound super helpful.

[@zuchilkhamsuren5027]

Hearing someone else's experience made me think so much about my experience, even though, I think I overcome it a decade ago. Many painful memories popped out in my mind. For me the coping mechanism was becoming a "fun guy" but in negative ways like making jokes about my teachers, insulting my classmates, chit chatting and laughing during the classes. As a result, I ended up being the one who's hated by the teachers and students so I just continued the character because I was afraid, again, to be rejected by my peers. Missed my opportunities to learn more from my teachers and classmates. Only graduating from my high school and entering a college and new environment, people and community freed me from those hard feelings. Thank you so much Ali. I am happy for your channel is being recognized by more people.

[@drali]

Thank you for sharing your experience! It reminds me a lot about what Ryan Reynolds has said about his anxiety: “When I would go out on, like, ‘[The Late Show with David] Letterman’, back in the day, I was nervous. But I remember I’d be standing backstage before the curtain would open, and I would think to myself, ‘I’m gonna die. I’m literally gonna die here. The curtain’s gonna open and I’m just gonna be, I’m just gonna be a symphony of vomit,’ just, like, something horrible’s gonna happen!” “But as soon as that curtain opens - and this happens in my work a lot too - it’s like this little guy takes over,” Reynolds went on to explain. I feel, like, my heart rate drop, and my breathing calm, and I just sort of go out and I’m this different person. And I leave that interview going, ‘God, I’d love to be that guy!’” Full interview here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rKjNnXacYr2lm9E

[@zuchilkhamsuren5027]

@@drali Thank you so much.

[@flymypg]

When I've encountered someone at a gathering who appears to be even more anxious than me (which I think mainly means I'm hiding it better), one thing I do is offer to be a wingman. How it works is I ask them to redirect to me when they get overwhelmed, with two levels: 1) "Get me the hell out of here" (generally by aiming an eyeroll or a panicked look my way), or 2) by sending the conversation my way, e.g., "What do you think, Bob?" Simplistically, this lets me apply my own list of disengagement techniques on behalf of another. More functionally, it gives me a "role" to play in the social situation that makes my own socialization easier, which helps me in that it allows me to focus more on one person rather than struggling to cope with everyone. Is there a word for "giving help to others that also helps yourself"? I've always told every girlfriend and close friend about my difficulty in social situations and asked them to be a wingman for me when I need it. It has always helped the relationship itself, as it lets me share my problem while giving them straightforward ways to help me with it. But it gets better: When we BOTH are socially anxious, we become like an icebreaker heading for the pole, unwilling to let our mutual anxieties block our way. Sharing fear then sharing determination and confidence is like a superpower. It goes one step further: At some point I somehow found myself able to ask a new acquaintance to become my wingman. This allowed me to go to gatherings of strangers, knowing I could try to find a wingman if things got too tough. It doesn't always work, and I sometimes still "pull the ripcord" to escape, but it works often enough to always be worth trying, to let me default to "yes" for such gatherings. There's yet another great aspect of having a wingman, and it concerns substance use. When I'm anxious and coping poorly, rather than make my excuses and leave, I will instead self-medicate, typically with alcohol. A wingman can encourage me to do a self-check and reconsider my actions. I highly recommend having a wingman. Surprisingly often, "an anxiety shared is an anxiety halved".

[@keilanag2910]

this video explains it so well.

[@gardenshed6043]

My biggest problem with my anxiety is that sometimes it makes me unable to speak. I just can’t get any words out. It’s infuriating. Especially because therapy works by talking. Which doesn’t help at all when the problem is that I can’t talk. 7 years of therapy didn’t help me at all. Enough to the degree that all my therapists eventually said something to the effect of, “This doesn’t seem to be helping you and that makes it a waste of time. Bye.” I now have no therapy and no idea how I’m gonna be able to fix these problems that are so immensely negatively impacting my life. Seriously, I want to know, how do you help someone who’s struggling to talk? Therapy is counter intuitive and I’ve been on a few different meds across 3 years that have done nothing to help me at all.

[@mistermandem5530]

R u man or women

[@livelife5309]

Maybe if you could write ✍️ out your feelings. The therapist can read it and give feedback.

[@geocastellon9609]

This video has been tremendously informative for me and I’ve learned more in this short video than I have reading a couple of books on starting conversations. Thank you so much for this.

[@drali]

Glad it was helpful!

[@Humanx108]

Your words actually narratimg my entire life s issue, better than me doctor. Your beakon of light in this darkness called social anxiety . God bless you and thanks a lot for serving large pool of people liie me.

[@billding9297]

Great video. The hardest part is knowing you’re not enjoying social situations while you’re in them, despite knowing it’s good for you. The consciousness is consuming and debilitating. Unbreakable by yourself.

[@lakshithaperera682]

I love how you give real examples,

[@drali]

Thank you!

[@IndyBuckeye0]

I dont know if I have social anxiety disorder but I do have some of what you talked about. Im glad to hear Im doing the right therapy right now, thank you !

[@rubin-healmysocialanxiety702]

Great video love the personal touch Dr. Mattu! ❤

[@drali]

Thanks Rubin!!! Glad you enjoyed it!

[@tclphone2392]

Thanks for posting. Love your videos!

[@drali]

Thanks for being here and for your encouragement!

[@kshitija6463]

Thank you for this, doc. I wish I could share this with the people around me , so they could understand me better

[@michellegirau8136]

I feel like if you truly have social anxiety it never truly goes away. I thought it was gone and doing great until I got a negative review then it came back instantly.

[@britlmao]

It does go away.

[@BarcaFan1899]

@@britlmaoWith work and the right support network it will

[@jssmith1608]

I don't think it ever goes away since anxiety and personality temperament is often genetic; however, we can continue to work to deal with it more effectively.

[@hearditfirst8010]

​​@@britlmaoIt wont. Psychological illnesses are permanently enshrined in your memory. You'd have to basically erase the moments that triggered the trauma in the first place, in order to truly make you forget and reboot you back to brand new, otherwise it will always be lurking in the background

[@britlmao]

@@hearditfirst8010 A damage seems permanent but there's always a cure for it, but it's just difficult to cure it, not impossible. I believe that people with social anxiety always live in their heads, analysing situations based on their past. And while past cannot be forgotten, fear can be conquered by us, pushing past al the triggers, because we know ourselves, and our worth. And people with social anxiety don't know thier worth, they don't have self-esteem. They lost it. They have to find it and carry themself forward with it, or you can't survive in life.

[@jordanuji2978]

This is a great vid. I’m diagnosed with ADHD and general anxiety, however, I also wonder if I’m on the spectrum due to having moderate sensory processing issues, mild stimming and confusion in social situations. I doubt that I truly am but I constantly speculate about it. Interested to know what % of ppl with social anxiety disorder have similar traits

[@CosmosWorld]

This video describe quite accurately my life.

[@venkatoznate]

I have OCD and Anxiety disorder almost feel breathless for most the simple day to day decisions, the hardest for most of them is to realize there is some issue and need help, but videos like this definetely help creating awareness, I really appreciate such a clear explanation, it felt so real when u connected ur child experiences, such amazing work, with videos like this you are literally saving life of many, I felt tears in my eyes after seeing ur amazing work.... God bless🙏

[@drali]

Thank you so much for your support, Venkatoznate!!!!

[@Alex-mt7vg]

this is so accurate, thank you!

[@monet-unique]

Love your delivery

[@robertabaesler6225]

This was a really great explanation

[@bryALiss]

it rules my life

[@aidensudeyko183]

Who ever you are no matter what you are AMAZING!!! And are loved a super amount!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@user-qf5pn1je2f]

Wow doctor, did you really have social anxiety in the past? You don't seem like it at all in the video. Were you able to overcome it completely or do you still feel that way sometimes? I'm just curious because your video was really helpful and explained what I went through as a child up to now. You gave me motivation to overcome my anxiety as well! lots of respect for you😍

[@My_klei]

So many sides of me so little time Blows my mind Thank you Kind sir

[@RealSpookz]

This Video realy helped me understand what Social anxiety is. And it made me realize I might actualy have social anxiety

[@Tom-lc1tp]

The more videos and more new terms I see the more I realize the need for help. But still I just go with it casually.

[@mariammansy3824]

Wow u ltrl said everything! Thank uu and ur career is so special and important to help alot of people, i hope it can be easier for me and im sure it will cause thats what i deserve❤

[@lizabel1]

I'm an introvert and my best friend is an extrovert so whatever I did something, we did together so lately I realized that I may have social anxiety. Even when I want to talk or do anything I just can't and when I do speeches or social interactions with a group of people even if I'm well prepared I won't stop trembling . I really want to socialize but I feel it's never the right time or feel like I don't belong. I can't even tell my parents because they tell me that it's only a phase and will get over it.

[@strawberriesblueberries2258]

I have that problem. I always thought I was shy. But its more than that. I would be so anxious I would shut down and not talk. My social anxiety started at age 6 years old.

[@Uzimaki9t]

I am in school taking dance and voice lessons trying to break my social anxiety I fear not being excepted for who I am due to lack of positive experience always been a loner I had coke bottle glasses and never had any real friends moving from place to place as a kid was very scary always hoping the next place was different I didn’t understand why it always ended up the same way

[@lama.basurrah]

Dr you're my idol literally everything i want to be when i grow up is in you😂❤️a lot of respect and love from Yemen🇾🇪❤️❤️

[@Anuragyadav-sy5tv]

So grateful video

[@chantalvanstaden5322]

We deserved to be loved and we need to love ourselves too. Really struggling with loving myself.

[@chrisgriffin9164]

The black and white footage of the child talking, was so cute, he is lovely, there is nothing wrong with his sweet voice.

[@milaj3958]

Wow thank you so much for this video.. it's amazing how much I related to this video.

[@EmmaLangdon]

No one ever told me that the amygdala in this case makes you fear faces as a sign of danger. Thank god I’m subscribed to your channel!

[@EmmaLangdon]

@@user-hr8iv4ll8p someone’s Christian 🙌🏻

[@juliaann8324]

For me, it used to be very typical social anxiety situations. I would get mildly anxious in social situations would still be alert and happy to talk tho but feeling anxious regardless. I would still want to interact even though I had this feeling that like nah I’m scared it won’t go well or I’ll be embarrassed. Now, after failing to actually face my fears so many times I feel that my social anxiety has regressed into depression. I am stating that myself without a diagnosis but the symptoms I have now are just different. I have lost a bunch of friends due to social isolation, feel hopeless and honestly it’s so hard to motivate myself to do anything. I don’t even care to talk to people now even though I still hope to become the person I dream to be, fearless… I just feel so deep down and hopeless because of all the isolation I put myself into. I don’t even know how my friend still wants to hang out with me bc I just feel so down and think how does she still wan to talk to me when everyone else has already lost interest? It sucks. I get hopeful sometimes and feel strong but then i just realize that my reality is otherwise. I don’t even know where to start to get better. I know there is a way but I feel incapable of achieving it

[@mike8669]

Thank you doctor Ali for this easy to grasp and understand video, thanks a million

[@mike8669]

Thank you James for these helpful words of truth from the bible and your kindness to share them with me

[@user42576]

@@James-gp5cw " those who believe and whose hearts find comfort in the remembrance of Allah " . Surely in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find comfort. Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of God.Ayah ar-Ra`d (The Thunder) QURAN 13:28

[@sergiurosca9545]

thank you

[@yohohohoheyy]

9:57 ultimate words , i can relate so much

[@shreyachakraborty5410]

The fear of embarrassment keeps me away from social situations and as a result I feel depressed. A strong urge comes of physical self harming to take out the frustration. Can you please suggest some ways how can I stop myself from self harming tendencies when I fail to participate socially?

[@drali]

Yup, I’ll be covering self-harm in a few videos. My next video will have more exercises to manage social anxiety.

[@ganbatte1260]

I have erytrophobia which is fear of blushing. My face can go easily red in any situations. Especially when i got caught in a situation, or getting called in meeting, or speaking in front of people. It will be super red from neck, ears, cheeks, forehead, full face blown up. It is hard to continue life. Ive been fighting it for 12 years, im male 27 now. I lost my job, college, friends, income because of this. Ive been through to all kinds of humiliation. I used to be a very social person, but because of this my social anxiety has been higher. Last month i got emplyoed by a new company, i gave my life a second chance. Its been 3 years since my last job. I dont know if i can do it, some of them already have weird looks on me. If i can make it, i will pursue my dream to take master degree and continue doctoral degree. This abnormality has make me wasted all of my time.

[@sharonsettle9079]

Me too love.

[@ganbatte1260]

@@sharonsettle9079 how old ar u? to be honest it doesnt really matter anymore. its still there but i think i got used to it. because im now working at a very busy company, i have lot more streseed than this blushing haha. first time people saw me different, but now they dont really care anymore.

[@VeteranMick]

Doc, I am struggling with the idea i might be suffering from a form of SAD. But I also suffer from ADHD and PTSD. It is so hard for me to explain this message to people. I need constant reassurance and invitation to whatever is going on. I need constant communication because I don't want to do something wrong, or i have to fear of being judged negatively. I always think people are annoyed or just don't want me around. But at the same time, I am able to confront a situation in public that may be intense or conflicting. example, being at the trampoline park with my son, and 2 adults cussing and yelling at each other in front of their kids, I was able to walk up to them and get their attention to deescalate the yelling.

[@Flinn-rx8tq]

Social anxiety makes me feel TERRIFIED when communicating with others! :(

[@AvionPallitta-uc8ft]

I feel the exact same way an ppl call me weird awkward when in reality I'm just scared to talk an idky

[@9ightdreamer]

Im autistic yet I feel called out as certain social situations make me scared and very nervous, especially in school. I also have that feeling that I dont belong here which makes me feel like an intruder and a shadow to my class. I have a fear of attention drawn to myself with all of those eyes staring at me, its not an extreme fear but it does have an opportunity to get worse depending on the situation.

[@karlin2222]

Fabulous video!

[@DA-9]

It starts in mind And it will end in mind with action only

[@jasononwenu4531]

Hi Dr. Ali Mattu! I just wanted to get your perspective on this... in the beginning of the video, you said social anxiety disorder is not on a spectrum so would that mean that SAD and avoidant personality disorder are not on the same "spectrum" and are in fact, two totally distinct entities?

[@walker47740]

thank you so much

[@devilsadvocacy]

I have mild autism. CBT and meds did absolutely nothing for my SA, let alone awkwardness. Exposure therapy was particularly harmful. It was such a disaster it drove me to the brink of self-deletion. I’ve long since given up trying to connect with strangers, and stick to trying to do so through activities. At least I’ll know I have something to talk about

[@K9-King]

So, i had, no possibly still have a hard time telling if i have autism even when i was diagnosed with it in 2 years and well i've been studying it a bit more carefully, i've learned some things that i misunderstood of autism, introvertness and social anxiety disorder, the third latter this i will confess, sure i don't feel it all the time, but it mostly happens when i have trusted someone or something so well that the first attempts of socializing, trusting and confidence it would backfire me. In fact, i've been told that well it was alright to feel like that, that it is ok to fail and then try again, because i did it plenty of times i often felt stressed and pressured by expectansies and every time i feel confident enough to talk to someone rather than being reject, i liked the person so bad they end up becoming people who are often terrible and unlikeable and it happens constantly, every time i make new friends i end up making friends with the wrong people and then decide to back away, i didn't made exactly no new friends outside the internet norms because i do have that anxiety to trust and i distrust people easily and i'm scared with resentfulness because i avoid talking to random people and feel that pain over and over and over even with confidence, heck while i sitll haven't gotten a job, i doubt myself not feeling ok to do a job because i would socially get annoyed easily, distrust and feel resentful at clients who i might to attend in any given job for a simple mistake or something similiar to happen. i'm not even sure if that counts as social anxiety disorder, but i admit it still is happening to me and i guess i often put my trust on the wrong people, even if it's been for a long while i've trusted them, they end up backfiring my care and interest honestly.

[@abrishfatimaofficial5119]

Sir kindly make a detailed video about speaking therapy and patients who need it.

[@d_shuffles]

THIS IS MY LIFE 😭

[@nickp3949]

Wanting connections, wanting to be valued and respected, but feeling like there’s something fundamentally wrong about the way I look or act that I can’t figure out and have zero control over. Because I’ve always been an outcast in every group, despite the fact that I have good values and I’m a great conversationalist. So I try to “mask” my actual personality so that people like me more and I don’t “reveal” my true self which is unattractive and a loser.