Stabbing Ignorance With Glass Ceiling Shards - Onion Talks - Ep. 10

For Nicole Anderson, breaking the glass ceiling isn't enough for women's equality. The razor-edged shards of that destroyed ceiling must eviscerate and disembowel those who held women down for so long.
ONION DIGITAL STUDIOS
Creative Director: Geoff Haggerty
Head Writer: Sam West
Writers: Dan Klein, Matt Klinman, Michael Pielocik, Chris Sartinsky
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[@Qieth]

This was so inspiring. As a man, I am ignorant of the glass floor I'm standing on. You have opened my eyes - and several lacerations on my body.

[@anonb4632]

Quit mansplaining.

[@daddaddy1828]

@@anonb4632 no one cares

[@Thaddeus2007]

@@daddaddy1828 You didn't get the joke.

[@daddaddy1828]

@@Thaddeus2007 no one cares

[@danielflanard8274]

@@daddaddy1828 I do ya ding dong

[@chesterblakewell893]

Lost it at SHING SHING SHING

[@willmueller4984]

Chester Blakewell SHING

[@farche2]

shing shing ... shing shing shing shing SHEENG shing shing SHING shing shiiiiiing shing

[@theelectricprince8231]

tEARS

[@islal3489]

Shing indeed!

[@Sydpart2]

lol so this is what my professor meant when he talked about over extending a metaphor

[@angelicreinforcement3373]

This could've used a slow nod at the "shing shing shing" part, I think

[@time2161]

3:33

[@apopheniapareidolia]

@@time2161 normally I would waste my time explaining what a person actually meant. But this is the internet. And there will be people incapable of comprehending information precisely. Did the woman in 3:33 do a SLOW Nod? No. No she did not.

[@xcp4518]

This actually sounds like a ted talk

[@johntheux9238]

LMAO, people just complaining about their life in front of everyone ^^

[@dandellar200]

Wish Ted talk is half as interesting as these

[@inspectorjavert8443]

When she started making those "shink shink" noises my yellow lab started freaking out.

[@igor-yp1xv]

what does he fear? does he have a glass ceiling of his own?

[@bobobsen]

You own a lab?

[@creepyguy3521]

Lol! Awww poor thing

[@notoriousbig3k]

@@bobobsen i own med labs 2 meth labs 1 cocaine distillary some anthrax depo and a opium shops :) hahaha

[@wakkjobbwizard]

@@notoriousbig3k ha I was looking for this joke

[@DannySullivanMusic]

That guy's face at 2:02 is always in these videos.

[@Tezzypro]

If this was a metaphor, I lost track of it somewhere.

[@m3talmilitia15]

SHING SHING SHING looks down at comments: "SHING SHING SHING" scrolls back up: SHING SHING SHING

[@WildBerryAura]

i love the onion, its the most unbiased and honest news channel i have found. if you want some good entertaining satire then i suggest NBC or FOX

[@seankrkovich2869]

This is an onion talk. Obviously her credibility and reliability cannot be put on the same level as a real onion reporter.

[@StandWatie1862]

Was.

[@jona558]

Not anymore

[@texteng]

This one is tied with "The good Ducks Go Quack, Chickens Say Cluck" as my favorite Onion talks.

[@jakepullman4914]

I still like "What is the biggest rock?" the best.

[@indradevi2523]

Brain gun is one of my favorites

[@sdzyde7482]

Link please…..for r-research

[@Thecognoscenti_1]

My favourite is using 100% of one's brainpower

[@petethespud]

I love that the obligatory black person close ups stayed with this series, it makes me chuckle every time :)

[@jopalolive]

I like how her business suit matches the Time cover projected on the wall.

[@Sara3346]

almost missed that this was an Onion video, it was so perfect.

[@riftvallance2087]

Too pretty to be a feminist, its what gives it away

[@williamhamilton8438]

Lol yikes

[@PLOttawa]

Would've loved to have seen a hearty round of applause after the "shing-shing" bit.

[@rexxbailey2764]

WHAT FOR!!!??? 🤨🤨😒 THOSE ARE SERIOUS CONNOISSEURS OF SERIOUS CONNOISSEURIAL THOUGHTS RELATED TO TRUE POLITICAL ACTIVITY OF RELEVANT IMMINENCE, NOT ANY CIRCUS AUDIENCE IN THERE FOR CAPERS AND FRIVOLOUS GUFFAWS !!!😒😒 THEY KNOW VERY WELL WHEN TO CLAP WHAT!!! U DON'T TELL THEM OK!!! SHINGG!!! 😡 SHINGG!! SHINGG, SHINNG, SHINGG, SHINGG SHINGG SHI,SHINGG SHING, SHING😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡✊✊✊

[@voussoirnet]

2:06 Would have been a fantastic time to show the understandingly nodding black guy

[@anticliche321]

when she started going ballistic with the imaginary glass I fucking lost it.

[@XxDTownxX91]

A satirical video isn't complete without the people who thinks it's real.

[@bobbodaskank]

Truly progressive. I noticed she opted for "shing" sound effects instead of "hing"

[@RoryRose_]

1:53 12-year-old me when I forget to take my meds

[@TheNoiseySpectator]

12 year old me could have been friends with 12 year old you. 😀

[@HairyJuan]

My dog started giving me a concerned look when she did the shing thing

[@Scruffed]

My cat was resting on my chest and completely turned to stare at the screen when she started with the shing shing shing

[@mchanna06]

I have seem a lot of other comments like this. What's with animals and the shing shing?

[@puhmek]

Who else just burst out laughing when she started stabbing the air

[@farche2]

"... and what do you call that act?" "The Aristocrats."

[@zanderman004]

"until the blood pours from their very assholes".. I'm done.. I can't stay here xD hahahahahaha SHING SHING SHING!

[@Draxis32]

SHING SHING SHING SHING SHING SHING SHING! SHING SHING SHING SHING SHING SHING SHING! SHING SHING SHING SHING SHING SHING SHING! A Chinese man: WHAT?!?

[@LovecraftianToenail]

my dog is alarmed and intrigued by the SHING SHING SHING

[@NightWatch707]

Hahaha. This scared my cat.

[@aaron4820]

Wow, this is literally TED in 2015.

[@ANJROTmania]

It is still now. Just with more blacks.

[@christobanistan8887]

@@ANJROTmania ???

[@ProfessionalBadPerson]

I’m so sorry Anjrot that minorities existing makes you scared

[@ProfessionalBadPerson]

Matthew the 3rd Being racist against white people is good though

[@ProfessionalBadPerson]

Matthew the 3rd Because it has no negative effects? Come again when there is widespread systemic discrimination against white people. And don’t you dare talk about affirmative action.

[@yurypal]

This was so much ahead of its time! In 2022, it is absolutely legit motivational speech.

[@captainplexiglass6475]

Yeah, yall been glassgrinding our balls for decades lol there ain't no difference

[@lamebot7164]

Someone should hire her because she's pretty.

[@bobmcbobbington9220]

Middle management

[@blackmagician7645]

Wait...is that Nicole Anderson from Pretty Little Liars?

[@strangemarkings]

“Pour those pebbles into the craft beer they love so much”

[@kerimil]

This is the most accurate depiction of feminism I have ever seen

[@drrnfl]

Yeah, we go around stabbing people with glass. Idiot.

[@Skindoggiedog]

cat thornberg Metaphorical glass, yes, you do. In fact, you just did.

[@MrTurtleneckbreath]

Home run dog.

[@jennifermoriarty2188]

cat thornberg you are the idoit here

[@nickgogan]

Thus Spoke Zaratoid not the point and you know it

[@DonovanBarfield]

1:45 Poor Jim Haggerty

[@Emilys1121]

i was thinking by the title this would be great to share with my sociology class... then she started talking about slitting throats and it only went downhill from there. I laughed pretty hard though

[@lordcooper777]

People attempting to argue politics on an Onion video will always be hilarious.

[@bitterpickles]

That actress's face was perfect for this part.

[@seanocansey2956]

So..... A regular feminism TED talk?

[@sacripudding4586]

I mean it has all the features of a feminism TED talk. Mentions the totally existent wage gap, includes some metaphorical thing women have to beat or get past, pushes a little too hard at men but not enough to fully make an argument that they don't want to be made equal but instead to be superior, and also has a reference to hard working mother's.

[@alexsmith2910]

Don't I wish.

[@oilybrakes]

Well, the actual "Ted-Talk" content is moving slowly but steadily towards this.

[@anonb4632]

This Onion Talk is brought to you by the Open Society Foundation.

[@ArborealOreo]

SHINK SHINK SHINK SHINK SHINK SHINK SHINK.....

[@belisaurusgaming6192]

Yet another Onion clip that aged very well.

[@MeenyMcSweeny]

"Shing! Shing! Shing!" Remixers....you know what to do.

[@Unknown-jt1jo]

When she started with the "shing shing," my pitbull came over to my laptop, looking alarmed.

[@tfwmemedumpster]

This isn't a parody it's just feminism in the 2020s

[@pennygirl015]

So the conservative talking heads tell you

[@myrrous4284]

This is a genuine masterpiece.

[@mackysplace]

0:43...Well that escalated quickly.

[@TheKonnoisseur11]

Childless feminist expresses her repressed anger

[@electrontube]

white collar slam poetry sessions are pretty dark

[@regozs]

A metaphorical masterpiece

[@AsaNodelman]

I wish my ring tone was that repeated *SHING* sound she makes.

[@gabrielrose-gonzalez4421]

My wife just brought me a craft beer. I don’t actually want it now.

[@hastyhillfarmand4x480]

Did she forget the sandwich?

[@ambrose7196]

"shing shiny shing shing shing shing" - Bill Gates

[@bijoubijoux5185]

hahaha! absolutely true parody by the way....shing shing shing shing shing lol

[@rexmundi3108]

This is so prophetic. It's no longer the goal to be treated equally, now the oppression has to be returned.

[@atombomber25]

One of the best series to have come out of the onion

[@ihateyankees3655]

The fact that there are people who actually believe this terrifies me.

[@christobanistan8887]

Don't ever visit a college campus.

[@ihateyankees3655]

@@christobanistan8887 didn't plan on it

[@hendrik2989]

Yet another time the onion made a scarily accurate prediction of the future.

[@whosjohncorzine]

Yeah minus the women getting paid less then men for the same job thing, everything else is spot on.

[@joeinreallife6293]

Prediction? What prediction? Anyone who has read any feminist literature of the past 75 years knows exactly how this sort of person sees their world.

[@joeinreallife6293]

​@@whosjohncorzine The joke is that she's wrong about the "77% for the exact same job". See Thomas Sowell take this ridiculous canard down in his 1981 debate with a feminist on Crossfire (yes, the wage gap myth goes back that far).

[@Souldestroy199]

@@joeinreallife6293 🤓

[@byInsaniity]

I honestly think the Onion Only uploads Videos like this to see how people react in the comments.

[@PerpetualBass]

Don't stop, I'm almost there

[@Ik0As]

...watching this in 2022 feels weird...

[@Bestfriend-650]

2:08 Face is priceless, he is shitting his pants hahaha :)

[@iggykidd]

The onion, having people say the subtext of BS blatantly for years.

[@sherrysyed]

Saving 1:43 for my audition at Tesla PR

[@CassAnayadotcom]

I like the uninterrupted 30 seconds of slashing.

[@FreemonSandlewould]

This lady seems bossy.

[@philipfry9436]

*A Hillary voter obviously.*

[@valentinaperez8256]

Honestly, it's time to empower women to take risks; Gals, apply for that manager position, push for that competitive pay rise, crack the decorative base whilst the CEO has his back on you, unadvertedly stabbing him on the side of his neck before slamming him against the afterwards fragile window view, holding the rest of the broken vase right over his eyes as he gasps for his life. You'd be surprised what a motivated woman can do!

[@Jcolinsol]

Sounds like a badass action movie.

[@tvsinesperanto7446]

If this wasn't on the Onion channel I'd believe it was a genuine feminist lecture. SHING! SHING! SHING! SHING! SHING!

[@chanb9040]

Im not sure why you would ever believe that

[@tenshi53]

This is what MRAs imagine when they think of feminists. Also, great timing! The Times revealed today that after 26 years they still couldnt find a Woman of the Year. The glass ceiling stabbing sounds like a reasonable idea at this point.

[@markofsaltburn]

The only thing funnier than this is what happens when you select newest comments first.

[@NewChiqueChloe]

Don't be that guy. Trust me, just don't be that guy.

[@Lhene9]

Not sure if this is making fun of feminists, or people's perceptions of feminists. Good job, Onion, you've forced me to ponder my biases yet again :D

[@johntheux9238]

I think it's just a funny stupid video.

[@ml68cutie]

Forget about the shing-shing-shing.... I love the way she dressed, the skirt suit, the pantyhose, and her heels, all my favorite.

[@omgitsbees]

"i'm a nice guy and all women are obligated to have sex with me no matter how uninteresting I am." - HorrorAngel666

[@MasterKurow]

>Woman stabs man in face with glass >Barely gets punished for it.

[@randycraig]

You can’t just hold a sharp piece of glass in your own hand willy nilly without injuring yourself. The sharp edges are all over the place, duh.

[@StrazdasLT]

Shhh, when has feminist fantasy ever cared about such tiny things as reality.

[@apteryx01]

You could wear a protective glove or something. I think there's another Onion Talk about that.

[@NJGuy1973]

Wearing gloves while using a sharp object to kill someone. I think there was a thing in the news about that back in the '90s, involving some sports figure...

[@stinkyham9050]

Wait, what did she say? The second I realized she was a woman I stopped listening.

[@hastyhillfarmand4x480]

"I don't listen to women, I tell them to shut up"

[@samuelforesta]

Lol that audience member is in every episode

[@BBlanco1235]

Leave at 0:44 to get my Taquitos out of the oven, return with food and the video is at 2:57. Imagine my confusion

[@jona558]

These days The Onion wouldn't dare to do this. That's how bad things are

[@naviilleib8889]

this is what feminists actually believe

[@theodorebear6714]

You know because you are a feminist.

[@jonathanleach1050]

I'm reminded of John Knox's 16th century publication whose title refered to "the monstrous regiment of women."

[@Naked_Snake]

Like a sliver of glass. Small, sharp, and nearly invisible. She doesn't exist. A Splinter Cell.

[@Steve27775]

Best one so far! Shing, shing, shing, sista!

[@HeavyboxesDIYMaster]

0:53 Ahhhhh...my favorite black man on the left...and such a cute button nose.

[@ratinacage9306]

The most sane feminist in all of existence.

[@EmeraldRaven91]

*Shank* *Shank* *Shank* * Shank* *Shank* *Shank* *Shank* *Shank*

[@washyrose5904]

This is my favorite Onion Talks.

[@mcluva420]

OMG SHING SHING SHING SHING!!

[@AgonizedCandle]

2:01 that was exactly my reaction!

[@TeHzoAr]

I'm a male that proudly identifies as a feminist because that's precisely what it's about.

[@TheWindWaker333]

Sounds exactly like a feminist "poem". I don't know if that's what The Onion was going for, but they succeeded nonetheless.

[@inspectorjavert8443]

HEY SCIENCE!

[@Zen-rw2fz]

Inspector Javert this came out 2012 way before feminism became popular on the internet

[@TroubleeEntendre]

I love how you feel the need to trot out your anxious arguments even in the face of *jokes* about institutionalized sexism. You're THAT SCARED.

[@tty1975ful]

TroubleeEntendre . Jokes are meant to be funny to make you laugh. This was cruel and violent.

[@bobmcbobbington9220]

The "you" in that sentence is who, exactly?

[@alexsmith2910]

I know right.

[@AGS363]

Thank god that there is gravity, which makes the shards fall down and cut those below.

[@BirdGang6]

She’s not wrong, me and my wife met after she stabbed me!

[@something.icantrememberany1365]

Prediction of comments: This is exactly how feminism looks(totally misses the satire) Result: Yup.

[@lukaskoube]

women already get paid equal amounts for equal work. the studies that find a gap often do not take the number of hours into account. men work more hours a week than women. this accounts for the vast majority of the gender wage gap. furthermore, men work harder hours. for instance, male police officers are more likely to work nights and weekends. since these hours are worse, they pay more. if you are still concerned about the pay gap, watch this: /watch?v=Cb_6v-JQ13Q

[@maris_molotov]

Ok boomer

[@bloozism]

Show me a woman that will work in a coal mine and then we'll talk equality.

[@TheMamaluigi300]

Man, she and the gun guy would be a great couple