The Power Of Selling Out: Your Customers As Political Capital - Onion Talks - Ep. 9

Nathan Eslinger has spent his career designing cutting-edge websites, like his extremely popular photo sharing platform Ripple. While advertising can produce revenue, Eslinger has found a far more profitable and immediate way to generate income: selling his users' data to oppressive governments.
ONION DIGITAL STUDIOS
Creative Director: Geoff Haggerty
Head Writer: Sam West
Writers: Dan Klein, Matt Klinman, Michael Pielocik, Chris Sartinsky
Writers' Assistant: Matt Powers
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[@fedos]

I was wrong: the truth isn't funny.

[@justinhanna9152]

James Barlow because it's false

[@kenlim6485]

@Pecu Alex wow we care

[@TiloHalvorsen]

fedos even less now

[@cringykid5736]

Smh these replies are the most toxic people

[@JukaDominator]

@@justinhanna9152 It's not false at all. I don't even live there and I know it's true.

[@rexmundi3108]

Why do I get the feeling that Mark Zuckerburg watched this and thought it was a Ted Talk....

[@mesacperez9502]

Pretty sure he already had the plan to sellout since day one. If he didn’t have the idea it would’ve been inspiration to see others do so.

[@euphoricatheist6694]

@@mesacperez9502 He didn't have the idea, though. He Jewed it.

[@AmberAmber]

@@euphoricatheist6694 Dude - Really? With Love, A Mixed Jewish Atheist & Humanist.

[@inthebriarpatch]

@@AmberAmber without God there is no love. And no moral basis not to see someone out. So yeah, he jewed it.

[@kyle9401]

@@inthebriarpatch uh?

[@JordanHowellMusic]

WOW, I didn't know that the Onion was doing 100% factual reporting now! nice!

[@david0aloha]

@@aa-vg6rn Sometimes the truth hurts

[@dan00420]

Hahaha!!!! ripple or Google? same shit!

[@rileybello4711]

Their the only news source I trust

[@nativeafroeurasian]

They always did, I only rely on them, not that fake news ^That was a joke

[@haze6647]

Well, social media ceo already said that it is 100% safe, which is a lie, an irony, so, if we make another irony out of this, its gonna be an irony over an irony, thats nonsese, so if someone give you lies then give them the truth, or the other way around. Just because its satir, doesnt mean its all lies in reality, it can become lies or truth depending on the original speaker, if onion speak the truth, then the one that they roast must be a liar.

[@tacobell2009]

"We felt that putting our users in mortal danger for a quick buck was the right move, but it wasn't until we did the math that we were really convinced." OMG I'M DYING

[@Urza26]

Sad thing is that this is such an accurate description, it can hardly be called a satire anymore.

[@RheeasDomain]

What people seem unable to understand anymore is satire is used in the first place to underline societal issues everyone sweeps under the rug, afraid to talk about. The dark side of the light side.

[@000Krim]

I come from the future, it get worse, way way worse.

[@DocumentNegativity]

@@000Krim As time goes by.

[@drewclark1920]

@@000Krim and worse again

[@maythesciencebewithyou]

I know this is a 5 year old comment, but for those still liking it, perhaps you all should for once look up what "satire" actually means. Satire is a genre of literature and performing arts, usually fiction and less frequently in non-fiction, in which vices, follies, abuses and shortcomings are held up to ridicule, ideally with the intent of shaming individuals, corporations, government, or society itself into improvement.[1] Although satire is usually meant to be humorous, its greater purpose is often constructive social criticism, using wit to draw attention to both particular and wider issues in society.

[@devourerofbabies]

The Onion has achieved something new. They started as parody, transitioned to satire, and now they've transcended satire and are simply doing news and labeling it as comedy. Bravo, Onion. Bravo.

[@mikuhatsunegoshujin]

devourerofbabies I also eat white babies from reactionaries.

[@Olivia-W]

@john boone Their seer left them or something. Dunno.

[@canigetuhhh8631]

@@mikuhatsunegoshujin May god forgive you. 🙏🏼

[@weswheel4834]

"Your users won't always understand just how much economic sense it makes to sell them out. And you don't want to alienate them, that would drive down their value." Genius. Also, O’Brien from 1984 in corporate form.

[@peterlambert8703]

Exactly! Because that's all we are to Facebook, Google, and the rest: we are the product.

[@patent-freemrsatreatmentdo3789]

It would be funny if it wasn't so true.

[@DustinKoski]

MRSA So instead it's hilarious.

[@TheEyeball37]

+Patent-free mrsa treatment & Dogs Yeah, I just kept getting mad.

[@RheeasDomain]

What people seem unable to understand anymore is satire is used in the first place to underline societal issues everyone sweeps under the rug, afraid to talk about. The dark side of the light side.

[@ianhruday9584]

@@RheeasDomain yeah, I'm really tired of people saying that they're just reporting the truth now. Satire has always done that. That's the point of satire.

[@Leith_Crowther]

@@ianhruday9584 I can say “the onion is reporting the truth now” without violating what you said because the Onion is NOT always satire. Sometimes it just spews stories that are hilarious but also completely fabricated that don’t make a point.

[@theRealPlaidRabbit]

So that's what the CEO of Google looks like.

[@popsgewd5640]

theRealPlaidRabbit this was for Facebook

[@mikuhatsunegoshujin]

Actually Alphabet, and he is also the director of the NSA unconditionally.

[@hellohowareyou9745]

facebook*

[@kalis856]

*Slow clap*

[@anonb4632]

He should have set up an ancestral DNA site and then sold people's genetic details to medical insurers and research companies.

[@saxo689]

If he did that, his brother be the ceo of onion watch.

[@stephaniecarrow4898]

Perhaps his next project...

[@Duneram]

I don't want to disturb you but maybe have a look at how china is handling DNA data from foreign country's at the moment especially concerning pregnancy lab reports etc 😅

[@JKTProductionzIncNCo]

You men 23andme right?

[@gristlevonraben]

According to several news articles, this is what Yahoo did .

[@constantinosschinas4503]

this is what everybody does. go get that "bargain family pack" dna test, government and anybody who pays will have your most precious data, next second

[@johnchase7163]

@Mr. Scuz twitter is banned

[@MrAsyo1]

Tencent

[@joekerr5418]

It's part of every modern business model now

[@HercadosP]

@@user-cc7vx7sw4z you wish it was unique to China lol

[@SamSoundly]

These are so much better than TED Talks because they're actually genuine.

[@stephaniecarrow4898]

Yes!

[@unenombre5840]

Brilliant shots at US tech companies!

[@jacobschweiger5897]

all tech companys really.

[@BobGymlan]

Une Nombre by a US satire.

[@shuushirakawa]

This is no longer satire... no longer satire.

[@Muykle]

The satire is in doing it and admitting it, not just doing it.

[@mikuhatsunegoshujin]

It wasn't satire then.

[@scaredwilly329]

Oprah2020

[@RheeasDomain]

What people seem unable to understand anymore is satire is used in the first place to underline societal issues everyone sweeps under the rug, afraid to talk about. The dark side of the light side.

[@elijahgavin6706]

Satire is literally comedy that reflects reality...this is exactly what satire is.

[@NicleT]

I come from ten years in the future and this is still excellent!

[@deoxal7947]

The Onion really got the drop on Facebook with this one. I'm starting to think they actually have that time machine.

[@MichaelSmith-pp3wp]

2:24 LMAO. I'm not sure why this is so funny, but the simplicity and elegance of the dude just staring is absolutely comedic gold to me.

[@JeiJozefu]

It's the utter silence of the audience that sells it

[@brautigan1]

The lamest thing about TED is when they have entertainers presenting their act as a "lecture." So annoying. Just do your damn magic tricks, jesus.

[@neon_dex42]

Dan Williams 😂

[@samporter9785]

TED talks are 100% political in nature 5 years on

[@epsteindidntkillhimself69]

This is not even satire. This is reality.

[@teoigi3247]

And now they don't even like before.

[@stephaniecarrow4898]

Profits over people. The mantra of business. (This is one of the darkest Onions I've seen. And once again, spot on.)

[@carlsagananarchist4644]

This is Zuccerberg

[@MarikaCharalambous]

This is not a satire. This is life today.

[@mason11198]

Still is

[@mettalx1]

He nailed it completely!

[@nickistley8159]

Well this is more relevant than ever

[@jexi_1898]

I was just saying

[@arandomzoomer4837]

And it will continue to be for the forseeable future.

[@MorganPhillipsPage]

It's sad to think that this is actually happening with Facebook with China :(

[@manublyatawd65]

Only in china?? 😂😂

[@Emperor_Atlantis]

@@manublyatawd65 well said

[@jexi_1898]

This was released how long ago

[@spongeybobble12]

8 years later this is no longer satire, its real life

[@Prafullhiwale]

Onion predicted future that is what facebook did it.

[@GeorgeVCohea-dw7ou]

Every user of Facebook is complicit in their policy outcome at this point. It's not even too big to fail. No one in 1959 would have predicted the state of Sears in 2021. We'll see what happens, but it still appears the general public is still on the side of Facebook. Does it matter what Facebook does, when users simply accept it and continue to be subscribers despite all of the warnings and outright reveals‽

[@LeeChunHoe]

the awkward moment when TED becomes Onion, and Onion becomes TED.

[@johnbagel2560]

Well the parodies of the past have come to fruition as Google is pursuing the same exact agreement with China.

[@reallyWyrd]

I'm going back and listening to all the Onion TED talks. So far, from 2020, this is the "best".

[@stinew358]

ok onion stop being prescient

[@TheNZJester]

No there is a lot of difference between selling out your users and pimping them out! You can only sell them out once, but you can pimp them out hundreds of times to sell all sorts of products.

[@bodhiston5550]

Blizzard learned from the Onion Talk! Amazing!

[@Machariel00]

For lot of websites these days website users/viewers are not the customer, they are the product [for advertisers etc].

[@TechnoMinarchist]

This has aged like the finest fucking wine man

[@matixuvia]

I just discovered The Onion this week

[@ScreaminMime]

Talking to you Reddit

[@kebugcheck]

Screamin Mime no....reddit is a leftist politically correct hell hole. He's talking about google, 4cha/\/ and 8cha/\/

[@mikuhatsunegoshujin]

KeBugCheck >lefist is liberal you have to go back better red than inbred.

[@crocodileguy4319]

@@mikuhatsunegoshujin lol, the reds are inbred

[@YOTSUBA_desu]

INSTALL GENTOO >”you have yo go back” >communist Aren’t you leftards against cultural appropriation?

[@Unbuyable]

What a role model!! Men like him give me hope for a brighter future in our crumbling economy!

[@yoshikochikuni1247]

20 year old Simpsons episode: *Finally, an worthy opponent!*

[@ssvensic]

The thing is if you actually approached investors with this exact pitch you would probably get funded

[@Allen75000]

They're secretly talking about America, that's the beauty of it.

[@dmoneytron]

Allen750 Palantir

[@popsgewd5640]

No shit

[@ArielCotton]

Not much of a secrete.

[@ride1123]

The onion youtube channel is an archive of underappreciated satire that was way ahead of its time.

[@AnonozChong]

One of the best onion talks so far

[@Rotem_S]

I don't think he went far enough with the descriptions. His new customers will have the dissidents and the dissidents' families tortured maimed and publicly executed for treason, with even the extended family suffering from the fallout

[@amerinadian]

My favourite parts of these are the shots of the audience staring blankly

[@krystofcisar469]

Whatever - they applauded on camera so they can all fuck off now :D

[@Afearthenrut]

I started to tear up a bit from anti-laughter.

[@grumpyyellowfang3344]

You know Onion is the only company I think is actually cares about people

[@tomlxyz]

Yeah sure

[@dr.octavio5772]

Acording to their chief editor they own a lot of media companies and i'm pretty sure they own you.

[@Talia.777]

@@dr.octavio5772 😆😆😆

[@internetuser1231]

Gonna show this video to my kids. Very informative! 👍

[@Haffy442]

This Onion skit is more real than anything on the news today

[@Yamikaiba123]

Oh, what irony. I'm going to be sharing this video all over the place.

[@DuSlothster]

+Yamikaiba123 Not exactly selling out, they were quite literally bought out.

[@TheEyeball37]

+Yamikaiba123 I like your photo. Is that you in it?

[@carolynmmitchell2240]

Crazy Horse that's creepy haha

[@GuiltyMiner0343]

Google is doing this to youtube...

[@TheEyeball37]

Did it

[@carolynmmitchell2240]

Facebook too, and now it's more than ever

[@thinkingemoji5924]

Not really. YT is just not in. China

[@RetryAgainAgain]

This is the best Onion Talks yet. And in case anyone didn't notice, this is directly satirizing Facebook.

[@anonimanonim2710]

Unironically putting this in my Important playlist

[@InTheMindOfDavid]

More relevant now than ever before 👏👏👏👏

[@cynicalandbored]

Really chilling.

[@LindsayKay]

TED talks are like something you'd do on a first date to appear thoughtful.

[@Skateandcreate9]

onion i seriously, absolutely, positively, love you.

[@hendrik2989]

What an inspiring story of a young enterpreneur. In a world full of hatred and failing enterprises this is really touching.

[@krawc0]

Timeless!

[@satyampandey2222]

Just the titles make me chuckle so hard

[@TheJamon79]

Brilliant!!

[@TheGankednoob]

2019. Google wants to know your location.

[@bravelittleroomba]

2020. Google knows your location.

[@flukenukeem]

Super relevant

[@bigt9905]

Finally, someone understands how money should be made...Bravo!

[@SpitshineSneakers]

The customer as a commodity: business strategy of the information age.

[@elvis316]

Truly brilliant.

[@langolier9]

Wow, this is one of the most wicked satire I’ve ever seen. I’m actually pretty impressed.

[@Flyborg]

In the first few seconds, I almost forgot this was an Onion talk, and was awaiting some words of wisdom.

[@feartheghus]

So the onion saw Hong Kong back in 2012

[@apprefactory]

"They're reading your email right now..."? Oh dear, my friend... It is far, far worse than you could possibly imagine. And the worst part is - tin foil hats don't even help!

[@nosajghoul]

This is evil. I know its a parody, but this shit really happens. When revenue is more important than lives, the system is dying. Dont know what I mean by 'the system'? Its you, your family, your neighborhood, your country that make up the system. This parody is about putting a few dollars in his account for destroying the system. This is the argument much of the world uses for 'capitalism is bad'. This needs to stop but I dont think it can be.

[@Muykle]

"Capitalism" is having the state allow private citizens own the means of production. It incentives the accumulation of wealth. Capitalism, like any other economic or social system evolves to meet the needs of whoever is rewarded the greatest. Since capitalism rewards those with money more than those without, the wealthy are the most accommodated. If you want to solve a problem, pay attention to who gets the power with the changes you make.

[@cutecommie]

Capitalism is bad for many reasons, this is one of them.

[@theredtomahawk6206]

Soviet Loli You are a stupid idiot capitalism is the best system humanity has invented so far go to the gulag if you like it so much(sadly you now have less options north korea and maybe cuba new spots are also open at venezuela.)

[@theredtomahawk6206]

Muykle Actually it doesn't you idiot capitalism incentivices meeting the consumer needs. You fucking idiot steve jobs got rich by adding value to people's life. Under capitalism you get something that to you is worth more than you pay for it while the seller gets something that to him is worth less than he charges for it. There is a double thank you in many business transactions for a reason.

[@theredtomahawk6206]

Muykle Also even if people where to just leave cash at the bank(this is not the case for most rich people who actually make their fortune by investments) The bank uses that money to give out loans that are used to get a house before time or start a business to prosper. And the investor with the money at the bank wins cash,the bank wins cash and the loaner gets the oportunity he wouldn't have otherwise. It is a win,win,win your economic ignorance does not make reality

[@highdefinist9697]

There are videos where you are like "Hah, this has become real now!", and then there is this video where it is like "Wait, this was satire at some point?".

[@dangerouslytalented]

So insightful. I see the Onion Talks as often being more informative than the TED talks they parody.

[@DeathG4n]

This was freaking awesome

[@1989pacmaniac]

The best comeback.

[@NagatoPR]

this is by far the most reliable news source,harsh but reliable

[@s.bakyhnh1756]

So inspiring.

[@samuelcarr6809]

this hits close to home now

[@PropaneWP]

I'm pretty sure this happens on some kind of level, every time I click that 'I agree' button.

[@hannobrink8828]

We have reached the point where the union delivers more reliable insight into our world than that or maistrem media. I love it! Comedy makes the world a better place!

[@PabloTpereyra]

"..and is all thanks to selling out.'' Brilliant.

[@davidmason4411]

Once again the Onion predicted the future.

[@larrylentini5688]

This happened... This actually freaking happened... What has the world become...

[@DanieleGiorgino]

This is the first Onion talk that actually gives reasonable advice.

[@bwlupus]

This is Gold!

[@joevining2603]

It's like they're seers. They knew back in 2013 exactly what would be the future.

[@wokemoralist]

life imitates art

[@Deeyennay]

I don't want to live in this timeline anymore

[@hoangly8557]

Watching this now in 2019 and it is more relevant than ever.

[@wonderofthisworld]

Absolutely genius, I love the onion

[@MrDan710]

Inspiring stuff

[@AviNerenberg]

Best one by far!

[@vlogo4371]

Thus aged perfectly

[@kiantern]

Was reading about blizzard and immediatly though about this

[@DerekMcDow]

Solid!

[@connolec]

Chilling.. Unscrupulous... Satire at it's most sublime.

[@michaeltiedeman4586]

Inspiring!

[@cimmeranepoch7439]

I LOVE THIS!!

[@ambergris9359]

He's the kid who shot the intruder, and awarded by school wearing his first blood shirt