stealing my husband's family... r/AITA 1 800 Drama Podcast

1 800 Drama Episode 13 is live! In this week's r/AITA deep dive, we discuss being a part of a new family, kids names, bereavements, if it’s okay to seize a fainting-husband opportunity, and when things just don’t add up as a babysitter being blamed… 👀 Grab a cuppa and let’s go fishing 🎣
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[@annabrown3337]

I called my lovely MiL "mum" for 19 years and sat with her as she passed in 2021... the aunties should mind their business

[@shaaba]

this is so sweet, thanks for sharing 💛 back off aunties!

[@PokhrajRoy.]

There’s this story of Kajol (Indian actor) who called her MIL ‘Aunty’ and then there were aunties who were shocked by it. The MIL said: “When she feels like calling ‘mom’, she will.”

[@Primal_Chaos]

My own mother was also awful to most of her children (my siblings and I), so most of us have much better relationships with our MILs, and at least half of us just call our MILs "Mom" as if our own mother doesn't exist. I totally understand and agree with 'in-laws' being treated as if they are family, because THEY ARE FAMILY! (Also, you can have more than one Mom btw!)

[@jaymeamonsen7728]

I also had a mother in law that I loved who passed in 2021. Sending lots of love.

[@Him_He_Me]

😭😭😭

[@Primal_Chaos]

Definitely throwing in my vote for having "Update Episodes"

[@zekova]

Yes!! ✋🏻

[@ischristinaok]

agreed

[@QueenLizardSparkles]

Absolutely. Especially with that last story. Wow

[@Pareltje333]

That would be awesome

[@Linedhel]

@@QueenLizardSparkles Holy plot twist! 😱

[@choirgrrrl1257]

As the mother of a trans man, my perspective on the first two stories is that it's folly for parents to get so hung up on the gender and name of their offspring. Job one is to love them.

[@angiep2229]

Yes! I have a non-binary child, and I did have to unpack my feelings a bit regarding their name. Because I realized that names often mean a great deal to parents, but I realized that is not the child's responsibility. I have very little feeling about my own name that I was given, even though I know my mom named me after one of her favorite songs. But that was for HER, not really for me. Realizing this was so helpful to me. My kiddo is who they are, and I love everything about them.

[@Fairysnuff91]

For the baby naming story, I get that OP was wrong, but I can’t get over the husband making such a fuss over it when OP was grieving. And saying he hates the name when it was the name of a loved one she just lost. It just seems so selfish to me. Especially turning down the compromise.

[@moonface710]

RIGHT???? like also who hates a name THAT much?? middle names are barely ever used so it’s not like it would ever be really relevant, it’s just a nice tribute thing to OPs sister. the only names i HATE are my deadname and my abusive ex’s name, and even then if my partner had a strong attachment to them i’d probably be willing to use them as middle names. i have 2 middle names cuz i’m indecisive asf and i almost never need to use them. also i didn’t even know my *given* middle name til i was like 6

[@reneemalanson9974]

Speaking of naming your 12th child, my mom is the youngest of 12 and was named by the nuns in the hospital because she was the 8th girl and my grandmother ran out of names 😂

[@SailorSaturn1994]

I hope the nuns gave her a nice name^^

[@reneemalanson9974]

@@SailorSaturn1994 Elaine Claire

[@Primal_Chaos]

After 3-4 kids, my mom just started picking names alphabetically. 🤣

[@somethinunameit637]

Bathroom boundaries: its a green flag to have the communication to set a bathroom boundary that is mutually decided 😊

[@Crow.Theodore]

My parents had two boys and my mom really wanted a girl so she was really happy when she had me. However I’m trans and now I’m scared to come out because I don’t want to disappoint her. Gender preference is so toxic, I feel so bad for op in story 1

[@kateluvya]

Glad I could have cared less about my kids gender. I could kinda tell when he was young that he might be trans (he hated most dresses, and played very differently than a lot of kids, but that could have been the autism). When he came out as non binary, then trans masc, I was just happy he trusted me enough to come talk to me about it, and that he knew I'd be fully supportive. Love and support to you, hope you can live life as your true self soon.

[@kai6377]

You know your family best, so I'm not saying you should or shouldn't come out, but my mom wanted a girl, too, when she had me. She was still very supportive when I came out as trans to her -fumbling and learning along the way, but very supportive. Gender preferences ARE toxic, but people can grow if they want to. I hope the best for you, regardless of what you decide to do ❤️

[@jaymeamonsen7728]

Do what you think is best, but if your mom really loves you, she will find a way to love you as her son and not just her daughter.

[@cathleenc6943]

I had 3 sons and always wanted to have a daughter as well, but not as much as I wanted to have no more than 3 children. I'll be honest, my 3rd child had been born afab and then came out as a trans boy/man, I might have been startled or surprised(or not, depending), but I wouldn't have been disappointed because I would have already grown to love my child more than any silly future hypothetical child preference. I'm not disappointed that all of my children ended up being sons. I think you love your mother a lot, which suggests that she loves you just as much, and she would probably be more hurt by you not trusting her with how you feel, than your your gender not matching her pre-pregnancy hopes. Do your best and do what you feel is right, but if she has always been supportive and loving to you, try to trust her to continue to do so, as soon as you feel ready. Also, she's your mom, so she may already have an idea.

[@magicpigeon_]

I was in the same situation. Two older brothers and my family only had me because they wanted a girl. Luckily, both my parents were very supportive when I came out as a trans guy. I wish you the best and hope your parents can realize caring for their kids is the most important thing.

[@tyghe_bright]

The couple arguing about the name: This sounds like a proxy issue. They have some other issues they aren't dealing with.

[@MorgenPeschke]

Their squish is still really new, so sleep deprivation might be making it worse. Could very well be they both feel extremely sheepish once the little one starts sleeping through the night and they get too as well 🤔

[@friendlyneigborhoodbean]

It might be a combination of the still very fresh grief about her sister, the stress of becoming parents and the sleep deprivation

[@AuthorDiannaGunn]

Thinking about the first story and just. Wow to telling your kid they were an "unhappy accident". I wasn't planned & I always call myself an accident but my mom insists on using "surprise" because of the negative connotation around "accident" & while I'm like "nah you were young and foolish, it was an accident", I appreciate her using the word surprise to make me feel wanted ETA: The big reveal at the end of the last story had my jaw on the fucking floor

[@s.a.4358]

The “unhappy” part is the real issue. I think a lot of babies are not fully planned, so could be called accidents, but then the parents are still happy to have the baby.

[@Magis_Ghast]

I was an accident baby, but my mom always clarifies that accident =/= mistake lol

[@HAnnB24]

Yea, 2/4 kids in my family were not planned - me, the oldest, and the youngest. He happened because our dad failed to go to follow up appointment, however none of us could imagine our life without him - I don't even know if I'd be here without him. Our parents always wanted 4 but decided against it after three, and ended up with the fourth anyway.

[@Magis_Ghast]

@@HAnnB24 the two middle of us were on purpose, but it took to kid number 4 (pregnancy 7, but the other three were miscarriages) for my mom to figure out what actually worked with her strange cycle, so kind of the last one was the only truly on purpose one lol

[@AuthorDiannaGunn]

@@HAnnB24 Yeah, lots of kids are unplanned. Being unWANTED is a whole other story & especially being told you're unwanted your whole life

[@petrastedman669]

I started using 'squish' as a term for kidlets thanks to Shaaba's videos, and I love it.

[@auntlynnie]

Me too!

[@Imjustkendall]

She’s an ACTUAL influencer

[@ohlookabee8615]

Kidlet is another good one lol thanks

[@lilpetz500]

I've accepted it as a term from Shaaba's insistence alone, with the only other competition being from another wholesome lady I've heard share that her toddler has taken to calling her mother's soft, post pregnancy tummy her "squish-squish" and she's embraced it. The squish is the one who comes from the squish-squish.

[@emrys7168]

And me!

[@angiep2229]

As a parent, I've had emergencies once in a while and my sister has helped out. If she happened to have friends over and they all did a bunch of kid friendly activities and everyone had a great time? I can't personally imagine being upset by that. It sounds awesome to me.

[@MaisieSqueak]

I immediately suspected there was something not quite right about the babysitting scandal at the end... They were too in a rush to get the kids sorted. And to be so irate about something so bernal as who happens to be present while the kids are being cared for... It all smacked of a really heavy transference. A deep-seated guilt on the whole thing. I can imagine them coming back to pick the kids up feeling intensely guilty about what they had done and just looking to transfer the blame.

[@MissMortiss]

Yeah, even ignoreing that they are acting like OP left the kid alone with these "strangers" instead of being..right there...with the kid...

[@petrastedman669]

😲 plop Jamie on a couch immediately and show him Prince of Egypt! It's a beautiful film. Also, yes, sadly that is exactly what toxic boy mums are like.

[@shaaba]

such a great movie! it’s on the list x

[@jaymeamonsen7728]

I love that movie and that song. It's based on a sad story from the Hebrew Bible that's not entirely (if at all) historically true, but it holds a lot of importance to a lot of people and I think they did a great job with the movie.

[@alex_blue5802]

I think its a little unfair to say " you both need to stop fighting over the name," because it sounds like the husband is initiating the fights. The best way forward would be to just accept the name as is, but he is calling the baby by the wrong name. He could suggest a new compromise name but he is still insisting that he get his way. It seems like the only way OP could stop the fight would be to roll over and accept her husband's choice, and I don't think that's right at all.

[@TheDopekitty]

Exactly!

[@sincerely.sarahe]

But I also feel like Lara Andrea Jane sounds beautiful, better than Lara Jane Andrea to me like my immediate reaction was why not just do two buttons or a hyphenated one. Idk though

[@bunji_beans]

I mean.. the husband definitely wasn't going about it in an ok way, but wouldn't it have been rolling over and accepting OP's choice if he just let it be? From the updates, it sounds like OP stopped the fights by apologizing which was owed. That one ended much more wholesomely than I expected.

[@alex_blue5802]

@@bunji_beans I don't think letting it go for now is the same as accepting his wife's choice forever. They could talk about it more as the baby gets older and her personality starts to develop a bit. New parenthood is stressful, so now is probably not the right time to decide on a new name or go through the process of legally changing the baby's name. If he absolutely cannot let it go, he could also suggest compromises. But the idea of "let's legally change it to what I wanted all along," does not sit right with me. I would agree with the statement "OP needs to apologize and have a deeper talk with her husband." I am hopeful that they will be able to work things out. I disagree with the assessment that both parents are just being stubborn. It sounds like OP has tried to compromise multiple times.

[@violet7773]

The one thing I'll say is op doesn't mention what she's calling the baby. If she's calling the baby "Lara", then I absolutely agree and the husband is the one being antagonistic. But if she's calling the baby "Lara Andrea" (which she kind of shouldn't be, that makes Andrea less of a middle name and more of a compound first name), then she's also antagonising him by constantly reminding him of what she did

[@auntlynnie]

I have a family member who had her first kid at 32. Difficult pregnancy. Second kid at 36, and her health had deteriorated (diagnosed with two autoimmune diseases) and the baby was sick (food allergy that took 6 years to diagnose). She didn’t want another pregnancy, but he wanted a son (they had 2 girls). He wet as far as to ask “permission” to try to conceive a boy with another woman. he refused. He actually complained to anyone who would listen that she said, “no” - even to the parents of his kids’ friends. In the end, he conceived that baby with another woman and my family member is very happy with her new spouse. Both girls are no-contact with their bio dad (they are both 18+).

[@yassine8935]

Geezus im glad your family member is happy and i wish nothing but the best for her daughters and new spouse gender preferences are so weird to me my mother had technically 3 boys i say technically bc in nonbinary but still in the closet lol , and one girl they didnt "try" for a girl but we all were excited for a girl , my mothers blood pressure during labor was so high she almost died my sister had jaundice and was a nicu baby ,the idea of my father getting mad that my disabled 41 year old mother that almost lost her life giving birth to their daughter need to "try" again for a boy or have someone else carry i would have cursed him out myself . I pray the women in that mans life is not facing anyhardship i realy do bc to leave your disabled partner bc they wont have a son for you i serious crazy work.

[@jessicamondy5638]

I saw you at Chicago and you told me you liked my aesthetic (sting ray shirt and Pokemon backpack). Maybe you were just being nice, but I'm still riding the high of that compliment ❤ I'm very honored to have met you!!

[@azoranag]

Oh so happy that you got to see them!

[@krazycats564]

They don't seem like the kind of people to say it JUST to be nice. I'm sure you have a great aesthetic!

[@Lucifersfursona]

“sting ray shirt” _nice_

[@kiryanna]

Wow, the last one might be one of the juiciest drama stories I've seen on your channel! I'm so glad we got to find out what was on the go

[@Solsiva]

Yeah, with the last one I kept thinking they were being so aggressive because they, the parents, were guilty or covering up something. Getting your rocks off is great and important to make time for, but not at the expense of your children. Plenty of swingers are good parents, don't blame the kids or your kink for you bad behavior.

[@user-fr6zt6jx6y]

People who don't respect their partner's toilet preferences - big red flag. People who do use the toilet with the door open, I guess you do you as long as everybody is on board. I'm a toilet door closed person and lived with a partner (briefly) who knew this and would slam into the bathroom every morning to ask if I wanted breakfast, yes, I want breakfast, I always want breakfast, you dont have to ask and if you really feel like you have to ask, just wait two minutes for me to come out. Also is is ever necessary to slam open doors? It was really stressful starting every day with the feeling that I couldn't have privacy or respect in my own home.

[@kaelin_cherise]

Is... is your door soundproof? They can't just knock and ask through the door?

[@user-fr6zt6jx6y]

​@kaelin_cherise It definitely isn't soundproof, just one symptom of a relationship that had become very messy by that point.

[@durabelle]

I'm from a country where bathrooms have locks on their doors in pretty much every house as a default, so moving to the UK and having to just rely on people not walking in on me was weird. It's not a problem with my partner who fully respects my boundaries, but when we have guests over it gets slightly stressful. Unfortunately we're renting and not allowed to install a lock, otherwise I would have done that ages ago. I just don't understand why bathroom locks in private homes is not a thing in every country? People with no bathroom boundaries wouldn't have to use it, but anyone who wants to could do so. If locks are not installed in case of emergencies, the ones I grew up with can very easily be opened from the outside with a screwdriver/coin/similarly flat headed object. So families with small kids or vulnerable people usually keep something like that at hand in case their kids ever lock themselves in and can't or refuse to get out or whatever. It still stops accidental walk-ins or rude people bursting in just out of habit.

[@emofurryboyfriendasmr]

​@@durabelle the uk doesn't have locks on their doors usually?

[@MistieDron]

​@@emofurryboyfriendasmrYeah we normally do have locks on the bathroom doors, maybe some houses don't from being old or broken and never fixed but it's a standard to have locks on bathroom doors

[@mirjamk2882]

I have a fun story about naming: My grandparents had 11 children. With their ninth child they had no idea what their name would be until two weeks after the child was born and he was to be baptised. on their way to church, they kept arguing about the name when my grandma’s brother piped up. he was a priest and he said that the day of the baptism was St. Paul’s day so his name should be Paul. and that’s how my uncle was named, weeks after he was born and about 20 minutes before he was baptised.

[@mirjamk2882]

i honestly don’t blame them, i certainly would have issues coming up with 11 distinct and cherished names i liked enough to name children. maybe that’s how i ended up with an uncle paul and an aunt paula

[@carmelr5504]

With the last minute babysitting twins one - this either gives me the vibes that the parents are way too controlling, OR the friends had tattoos or piercings or looked vaguely unconventional, so the parents assumed the worst even if they'd met them. Major red flags, would tell the parents to drop their kids somewhere else next time if they have such an issue.

[@ashleyharbaugh8439]

I'm a parent but I would not care at all as long as I didn't think they were actively drunk or high around my kids but I also trust my siblings to never do that and if they trust their friends and my siblings are with them then I wouldn't care a bit.

[@sophier6504]

I was born 3.5 months early, so my eyes were still fused shut when I was born! My mom said my eyes opened a week and a half later 😂

[@EsmeTheEmerald]

Regarding the last story - At some point between the ages of 7-10, I was spending the night at one of my best friends houses. It was around late evening or night and her parents got a call that my friends grandma was in the hospital. So they came and got us from what we were playing with had us get ready and grab a few toys, and we all went to the hospital that her grandma was at. We were told that we needed to be quiet and not get in any doctors ways so we sat right outside the hospital room and played with our toys making sure that we didn't get in anyones way. The point of this story is that 9 year olds should be able to control themselves long enough for a medical emergency to be dealt with.

[@sreyarthakrishna6195]

The situation does change somewhat when the activity in question is slightly more adult than a hospital visit ...

[@EsmeTheEmerald]

@@sreyarthakrishna6195 Yes, I agree! I meant more in the sense of how this seems like a less concrete excuse because of the reasons I listed.

[@moonface710]

i agree that kids can control themselves during medical emergencies, but to me, i wouldn’t be as worried about the kids being a nuisance, id be worried about them potentially watching their loved one die, especially with heart stuff going on it’s a possibility. that’s horrifying and tragic for adults, let alone kids.

[@Abigailelodie]

As someone who actively rejected my middle names as a young teen and changed it at 18 - I can’t comprehend why OP and their husband wouldn’t just do both. It makes no difference in life, honouring both sides just makes logical sense for both sides! I was named after grandparents who later turned out to be horrific humans and i took yeaaaaars to decide a new middle name to make it more me and something I can connect to but in the end, it’s just a middle name 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@MisguidedMandy]

In the case of the naming a baby, I was raised in a family where you should never name a baby after someone in your family who is still alive. It is a superstitious thing and if you do it can be interpreted as you wanting said family member to die. While I would be against naming after a living mother, it is a case where you still need to communicate. I doubt this is a concern in their relationship but this is simply a communication issue.

[@BestFriendsWhoLiveTogether]

I find the whole story about the name choosing so funny because when my grandmother was born, her father filled out all the paperwork while her mother was recovering from birth and just told her mother, “I’ve called her Patricia Arlene Long, and she’ll go by Arlene. You can name the next one.”

[@fairynerdy]

Somewhat similar story: When my mom was born, her first name was supposed to be her grandmother's name (my grandmother's mother). My grandfather changed her first name on the birth certificate and my grandma to this day thinks he changed it to the name of a woman he found attractive. Sadly, I've learned a few things about my granddad since he passed in 2021, but this has been common knowledge for quite a while.

[@Silverwolfpriestess]

Me too. My mum was named by her brother, who then changed his mind twice. So my mum had a total of three names in the first few months of her life, all chosen by her brother. Not only did my grandparents have no say in the name choice, they went ahead and changed their daughter´s name two times at the wim of a toddler.

[@Rootedinjoydecor]

NTA, if they trust you to watch their 9yr old twins, they need to trust you and your judgement. Those parents need a reality check, your kids meet people you don’t know at daycare, school etc. I would never drop my kids off with someone I didn’t trust the judgement of.

[@jaymeamonsen7728]

So many thoughts about the last one. First, my partner's sister and brother in law are super strict parents who shelter their children. They don't like our friends and don't like the fact that we have alcohol in the house. So while we love their kids and they love us, they never leave their kids with us. While this is sad because we love the kids, it's their choice because they're the parents. Second, while we are not swingers, we know swingers. Some of them are awesome people I would trust with my life, but others I wouldn't want my kids around if I had kids. Maybe the sister and her husband are projecting that the people they spend time with are not people they would trust with their kids and just expecting that to be true of adult friends. Third, my mom has paid a lot for my sister's housing over the years specifically because she wants her grandchildren to have sufficient housing. While I doubt my mom would put a restriction on this, I could see someone in a similar position feeling used if the parents were sending the kids away often and using that housing to host adult events. And going out for those kind of things can have significant costs. I can see someone saying if they can afford that then they should be able to pay their mortgage instead. All of these things point to the sister and brother in law being real assholes in this case.

[@kristineohkristine]

also if they can afford dates like this, can they not afford a baby sitter? I feel like that should be part of the budget for things like this

[@ash-willow]

aita really makes it a monday :D

[@Finnley-supports-translives]

With the pregnancy one, can I just say that "Andrea Jane" is absolutely adorable imo? They'd lose the Lara part though Edit: just got to the compromise part 😂

[@canice2137]

For the baby name one, my mom wanted my sister's middle name to be Jade, and my dad wanted Adele. They seriously squished them together, and her name is Leah Jaidadele.

[@alex_blue5802]

This is why I feel uncomfortable with compromise names

[@sassylittleprophet]

Like Jadele would be more simplified than that too. Or just give her 2 middle names

[@SailorSaturn1994]

please tell me she goes by leah. it's not as bad when it's a middle name

[@Gwenx]

Emotional neglect is just as hurtfull and impacting as physical. I experienced a ton of emotional neglect while having everything a child needs. I have PTSD, a lot of trauma, anxiety and depression as a result. Neglect, no mtter the form or shape it takes is neglect and it has a hughe impact on a childs development.

[@Casutama]

The "you can't have friends over while watching your nephews" thing is so strange, I'd never even have considered this might be a problem for the parents, _especially_ if they'd met the friends before. When I used to go to daycare as a little child, the childminder sometimes had friends come over for a chat, and sometimes they stayed to lunch/ have tea with us and they sometimes played with us. When I went over to friends' places as a child, of course it happened sometimes that the parents had visitors (or vice versa when friends of mine came over to mine) and I am baffled to see that anyone could think my parents could have been bothered by that. When I was looking after my baby sister as a teenager, my parents never minded if I had friends over, even if they didn't know them (or not that well) as long as we were attentive to my sister. So this completely confuses me.

[@moiragores1226]

Oh YES - update stories on really juicy stories would be sooooooooooooo good!

[@melh7909]

My ex's mom in 4 years hugged me and told me she loved me more than my mom in all my life. I am way over him but I will never be over her... I often wonder how is she doing.

[@rage_of_aquarius]

Coincidence! My Nana's name is Jane and when my uncle (middle child, second son) had his first child, his wife wanted to name her Chelsea. His immediate reaction was that his father (my grandfather) would be VERY unhappy with his grandchild having an English name. They compromised with "Elsie", a nice Gaelic name but with a similar sound. And now that she's a teenager and I know her very well, she could NOT be a Chelsea. Four grandkids and he supported us all unconditionally through coming outs, my mowhawk phase, my other cousin's epilepsy and brain surgery, etc. He was incredibly supportive of his children through his eldest son's addiction, my mother's illness, and financially supporting his younger son. TL;DR: very loyal, loving, and supportive grandfather and father, so long as no granchild of his had a protestant name.

[@94BlueGirl]

I can’t keep the bathroom door open when I’m home alone much less with someone else in the house

[@blaireshoe8738]

I grew up in an area where it was quite usual to just let yourself in (even when showing up unannounced, if you were close enough), so you bet I close and lock the bathroom door every time by instinct 😂

[@animeartist888]

I can't close it or our youngest cat will scream and scratch at the door

[@Gwenx]

Maybe its because im Danish but people should seriously relax more about their children.. Having your sister and her friends take care of your twins in an emergency situation should have been fine. What is the problem here? The choldreb where watched, they had fun, they where surrounded by 4 adults, who proberbly knows surface level care, and thats more then enough if the children where 9?! At that age i would walk or bike home from school on my own, make food for myself and make my own lunch in the evening while my mom cooked. I could even go into the city with my friends without parents to watch a movie in the cinema. 9 year olds are quite capable children and leaving them with 4 adults who all had fun watching them is just cool, happy they did have fun!

[@AutisticTea]

I feel like those parents getting mad at the sister are basically guaranteeing she's not going to look after their kids again. It's great to have your kids have good, healthy interactions with adults that aren't family. It helps protect them from inappropriate relationships. Totally agree with Shaaba saying about how trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense, and it doesn't make sense because you're not getting the whole picture. Very clear headed, very helpful. I'm going to try and remember that. Edit: the update!!!!

[@suvas1183]

in the first story the aunts have an antiquated idea of what a relationship with dil is. they probably have the 'monster mil' and 'poor dil' or 'scheming dil' idea that you see in soap operas and thats simply not true

[@ellizkim5231]

The bible story of Solomon basically recounts that two mothers living in the same house, each the mother of an infant son, came to Solomon. Woman A basically accidentally killed her son when she rolled over while sleeping and suffocated him. So she just took woman B's baby and tried to gaslight woman b that her baby was the one dead. Solomon basically said that for both of you to be happy how about we just split the baby in half with a sword so that both get the baby. woman b was like ok fine she can get the child as long as u don't split the kid in half Woman a was like fine by me cuz it's fair and both of us would have a dead kid Solomon gave the baby to the woman b who gave up the child as a real mother would do what is best for the child and not allow it to be hurt. The end

[@McFlingleson]

I never really got that story because it seems to me like most people would be against any baby being cut in half, regardless of whether or not they were a parent to said baby.

[@ellizkim5231]

@McFlingleson True lol but Bible stories are pretty wack (I'm Catholic raised so yeah) Like the Abraham trying to kill Isaac story cuz God said so to test Abraham's faith. But then SIKE it was a prank. Imagine being Isaac at that, your father just attempted to kill you and you have to be cool with it :) Imagine them coming home, the mom asks about their trip and Isaac goes "Yeah dad tried to kill me but other than that it's all good" Yeah

[@emilyglass6625]

It is very troubling - both that one of the women would prefer half a baby to none and that Solomon would guess the non-parent would feel that way. Maybe the most useful interpretation is exactly the way the commenter had applied it: a metaphor for actual times the well-being or wholeness of a child (or other vulnerable person) is sacrificed because the people in their life are too preoccupied by competition/getting their due?

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Both of you would throw me out of the cold open if I told you how militant I get around bathroom hygiene. I’ve accepted myself as I am lol

[@vcutler4735]

Shaaba I love how you likened talking to the sisters in law to skimming the scum off the top of broth to clarify it as the antidote to the aunts stirring the pot! It's a good metaphor and good advice.

[@KacielNolwen]

I used to be a kindergarten teacher and though I would never get drunk on a school night what I did on a Friday or Saturday has zero bearing on my ability to care for children. Also the sister didn't leave them ALONE with the friends which I could understand being upset about. If I was that sister I would just never babysit those kids again cause wtf was that reaction. Plus they lied! Imagine something happened and you needed to reach them? Irresponsible parents. Edit: YES PLEASE do an update episode!! I always want the tea!

[@elench257]

Ooooh on the name one, the mum would still be grieving her sis since the death was a few months. Plus hormones, so dad seems not to care about the situation to be so stubborn.

[@roselover411]

I trust my mother with a child. I do not trust her boyfriend with a child. My partner also despise said boyfriend (so do i) and it's a boundary of his that boyfriend is not allowed to be around any squish of ours. I don't think I'd trust my mom's friends because i don't know any of them. But OP was clear her sister has met her friends before. And it's not like the twins were left alone with them anyway, OP was still there the whole time so I'm at a loss.

[@KeepTheDoubleSpace]

I tried to post to the forum about my family and there was so much hidden trauma in my post that they wouldn't post it and gave me some numbers to call 🤣🤣🤣

[@A_T216]

Aww, that's sweet of the mods to share resources. I hope you were able to find the outside opinions you sought, though!

[@KeepTheDoubleSpace]

@A_T216 it was really caring TBH. It was after my mum had died and the mods were worried people would rip me apart instead of being cool. Still waiting for the help and support, though it's not through want of trying.

[@A_T216]

@@KeepTheDoubleSpace it's tough accessing help, and it shouldn't be hard at all. I'm sorry that you're not getting that help yet. Best of luck. ❤️

[@cryptid_deity]

I also love your habit of calling babies 'squishes', it's such a cute word!

[@evelynkammerzell8784]

For the baby name, the two middle names is a fantastic idea. When I was earlier on in my transition, I was talking with my dad about my name change. My first name didn't have any major emotional connections for him (other than it being the name of his favorite Star Trek captain), but my middle name was his (adopted?) father's name, and very important to him. My original plan had been to change my middle name just to Rose so that it had a tie to my daughter, who's first name is based on my wife's middle name and her middle name is Rose. But to keep the honorific of my middle name for my dad's sake, I settled on two middle names of Willow Rose, with Willow honoring my late grandfather. I get comments on it occasionally when showing my ID for age-restricted stuff, but mostly it's comments on how pretty it is.

[@TheDopekitty]

My granddaughter is named Willow Lynn Iris!

[@MayaMickaMicak]

Kinda unrelated to your comment but since English isn't my native language and the name Willow is honestly so beautiful, I wanted to see if it would sound as beautiful in my language, and because I forgot what Willows are called in my language I decided to translate it and... in my language it's "visibaba" and it literally translates to "hanging grandma"... Maybe the scientific name would be different but everyone calls them like that So I guess you would be a Hanging grandma here lol I'm sorry I know it's unrelated but I just had to share my findings because it made me laugh Anyways, hope you're having a great day! 🍀

[@smilingjacks83]

Prince of Egypt is the animation that song is from Shaabba . I think "when you believe" is by Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston.

[@amanday3103]

Written by Stephen Schwartz but they performed it

[@christianavance9124]

Such a sad story about the baby name. I do like the name Lara, but I think Andrea Jane is the kind of awesome name where I would always use both every time I referred to the child.

[@MayaMickaMicak]

Oh I forgot to add: spoiler alert I can't believe I predicted the ending of the last story, I knew they were swingers! I thought, okay if only one of them was doing something shady, then it's probably cheating, but if together...then it's swinging. Btw please do the updates that you mentioned, I love watching your videos, especially when you do AITA and I'm looking forward to every Monday, it became a part of my ritual even, so I would love to see as many of those videos as you could make lol (I wouldn't even mind if you did two of these longer AITA episodes a week, if you want to of course). I hope you both have a wonderful week and greetings from Montenegro! 🍀💜

[@QueenOfTheZombieApocalypse]

The aunts stirring up drama about “real family” sound like the same type who would treat adopted and step-children differently because they aren’t “real family” I’m always so confused by that logic because unless there is some Game of Thrones crap going on, their own family was made through two people who were not related having children and (possibly) getting married. Like what are the rules for what constitutes real family in their minds??

[@laurenberry7331]

The baby name one.... i am middle named after my auntie who past away before i was born and this is so special to me... i have memories of my grandparents but not of her, its a nice way to have her part of my life and story

[@unichan5]

Got a story related to the second story, referring that you only need one parent to name a child. When my MIL was born, her father went to the registry by himself to name the newborn, as his wife had just given birth. By the time he got there, he had forgotten what name they had agreed upon and simply chose his wife’s name for his child. 😂 Supposedly he couldn’t think of any other names either and nobody remembers what her name should have been instead. I love that story but I guess it must’ve sucked as a child to have the same name as your mother!

[@bboops23]

That's actually super wholesome

[@MirandolinaAmaldin]

One of my closest friends was named by her adult older sister who got fed up with their parents being unable to think of a name. So, it really doesn't even necessarily have to be one of the parents (at least not in every country).

[@eugenie8661]

oof that "you let our kids be around your strange friends" sounds LOADED, I'd like to know if any of op's friends are part of a minority... Like, is there a predjudiced reason why the parents are this upset? Or are they just very anxious individuals? (one doesn't exclude the other)

[@bunji_beans]

The story about babysitting the twins, I KNEW the brother and SIL were up to some major projecting/distracting!! After being in a relationship where my ex projected so much of his bs onto me, I'm way more aware of it happening to me and to others.

[@Heather_Duke]

Honestly, I feel like the OP of the first story's parents never should've had kids at all. How did they never consider than any of their children could've been a girl?

[@malter95]

50% chance of disappointment for them, 100% chance of disappointment for the kid

[@Heather_Duke]

@@malter95 Yup. I mean, even if they got a child who was the gender they wanted, I could see that being disappointing for the kid, because the parents were so stuck on stereotypes of what a person of that gender should be like.

[@Dehlopesp]

Lara Jane Smith remind me of the queen Sarah Jane Smith, Doctor's companion! Great name

[@ElizabethMidfordHatesCops]

RIP Elizabeth Sladen

[@tabitas.2719]

I fully agree with you on the sister-friend-last-minute-babysitting-story! As a former babysitter (who was understandably asked to only bring my boyfriend around when the parents were there) and now a mom: Spot on! I'd trust my sister (who knows what my boundaries are around what degree of aquaintance/stranger and my kiddo/-s!) to act in the kids' best interest. I'd also assume that basic rules and boundaries have been put in place considering the twins are 9yos! :D Personally, I wouldn't even find it weird if she hadn't made plans yet, but I dumped the kids on her last minute and she mentioned that she'd wanted to ask a close friend spontaneously if they could meet up, and they did. :)

[@auntlynnie]

I love what the captions did with, “Gertrogatha.”

[@phifo5339]

I was named after my maternal grandfather. He died months before I was born. My mom added his surname to mine (two middle names) while my dad was out of the room. Dad just rolled with it, and here I am.

[@rosiemaybe]

I'd love an update episode! Always get curious when the stories are left on a cliffhanger! Also I love how almost every episode Shaaba says "This is one of our spiciest episodes yet", it just keeps getting spicier! 🌶🌶🌶🌶

[@stonecoldaries8117]

my mom hated the middle name my dad wanted for me and he didnt like the one she wanted. he put the name he wanted on the birth certificate and she still brings it up to this day how awful of a middle name and initials i have

[@nicoler1183]

Heck, I have an honorary cousin who's not genetically or legally related to me, she's just rented a room in my aunt and uncle's house for a decade. Her own family is abroad, so she goes to our family events and is treated like family. From game nite to Christmas to even my grandfather's funeral.

[@kj7067]

That first story, oh my god... I don't have siblings, but I'm very close to my cousins, and definitely refer to their partners as my cousins as well, and I love them just the same. The same for any kids they may have had before getting together with my cousins. In my view, the more open a family is to letting new members in, the closer and happier they become.

[@MareaRayneOleander]

The name story: I'd have hyphenated the first name Lara-Jane Andrea Smith.

[@CazAvery]

I'm pregnant and our girls name choice is a first name we agreed on (although they like it more) and my mum's name as the middle name, because she passed when I was 14. I had thought for a while that this would be the middle name, so when we were talking about it as an option for a real baby (we don't know the sex) I mentioned it quite casually. And my spouse was taken aback because they'd not thought of a middle name, but they understood immediate and were on board. My mum's name was Naomi, which I say Nay-oh-me and my spouse says Nye-oh-mi. We've agreed that it doesn't really matter if we say it a bit differently.

[@tamrynbertram3308]

The parents in the last one definitely did something shady or that they feel guilty of and are projecting onto the sister. They either needed a break from the kids or went to some kind of event etc and they felt guilty for dumping the kids and that they were actually negligent in not checking the environment they were leaving the kids in. AAAAAAND I just heard you read out the update and reason they were gone and I was 100% right. Love your videos and keep being your fabulous selves Shaaba and JaimieXOXO

[@faemomofdragons]

All I wanted was an update on the third one. And wow, the parents and brothers of the first one suu--uuucked. I just wanted to give OP a hug and adopt her.

[@malter95]

We always close the door when we use the bathroom mostly out of habit, though there have been a couple of occasions where my partner is going to shower and has forgotten to bring a towel and I bring it to them through the unlocked door. A roommate I had once would sometimes take long baths but they would always leave the door unlocked so I could still use the toilet, I would always knock and would then have to remind myself to leave the lights on and close the door (I habitually turn them off and leave the door open when the bathroom is not in use). We both (the roommate and me) previously lived in a dorm community where the shared bathrooms didn't have locks so we saw this as an extension of the same. OP1's family sucks, it's nice to see her MIL and SILs being welcoming. It's not the aunts' business who MIL chooses to invite for mother/daughter days. My guess is that they used to have sister days together but not anymore as their priorities have shifted. It's not mentioned if the aunts have their own kids or not but it might be a deeper issue for them that MIL is prioritizing her kids and they've chosen OP's inclusion as the thing to be mad about, because while they can understand on some level her prioritizing her daughters, they rank a MIL/DIL relationship below a sister relationship. I would definitely advise OP to bring up the aunts' comments in private with MIL/SILs. Glad to see that OP2 and her husband eventually agreed on a name. I agree that Andrea Jane sounded the best out of all of them. Hopefully this serves as a lesson for both of them in what kind of communication and agreement needs to happen around baby names. Story 3... this might be one of the best examples I've seen of "every accusation is a confession." BIL really accused OP of "letting strange women touch his sons..." He is likely projecting his fears of involving the kids with the swinging partners in the same way that they're manufacturing drama as a distraction. It sucks too because they could have been honest from the beginning about why they wanted OP to babysit and not lied about a medical emergency and none of this drama would have happened. Tbh, games and face painting with auntie and friends sounds like a vibe, and one that isn't ruined by auntie and friends breaking out the alcohol and horror movies once the kids are gone.

[@apexbrachydios5385]

My depression has been worse recently, and I listened to a few of these to distract myself and it definitely helped, thanks for the videos 💛

[@claritybadb]

That last one- the way my jaw dropped and I yelled at the screen 😂 swing all you like, just don't lie!!😊

[@lilpiper1234]

I'm so confused by the "alcohol in the house" point because what was op supposed to do last minute? Dump it all out? Chug it? Trade it to the BIL for the kids??? It's not like she took the kids to the liquor store.

[@racheld23biscuitsmom42]

My parents couldn’t agree on a middle name for my brother… so he didn’t have one. When asked, he told people we couldn’t afford one.

[@jaeydnheeren]

as someone who is currently pregnant. until the husband can carry the child, the person giving birth has ultimate last say. they went through the 9 months of pregnancy. they dealt with the morning sickness, the back pain, the horrible headaches, carrying the physical weight of the pregnancy and so much more. ive had names picked out since i was 14 years old. and only one of them did i slightly change. theyre already getting his last name. pregnant person has ultimate veto or green light for any name. nobody is gonna make me budge on the names i chose, especially first name. middle name i might compromise on, but for some names ive chosen, i simply wont. i carry the baby, i do get more day in the name

[@ashleyjuedes9038]

About the eyes open thing, my babies were both born sunny side up and while I know newborns have poor eyesight and she wasn't actually able to really see me my second born straight up made direct eye contact with me as soon as her head was out. It was both really cool (I said wow out loud) and very deeply unsettling lol.

[@user-hv9vt9jk4d]

My sister has 2 middle names: Phoebe Rose. Phoebe was my great grandmother's name but Rose has absolutely nothing to do with anybody. My brother was 8 when she was born and so he wanted to name her Rose but since they had already decided on a first name, she got 2 middle names so that he would feel included. 2 middle names is a perfectly reasonably compromise and the husband is being so unreasonable but ESH, the wife for naming the baby without him and taking advantage of his vulnerable situation but also the husband for being unreasonable. I love you guys so much! You are so entertaining and so inclusive and I agree with your reasoning! Keep up the good work! ❤😊

[@heyna1185]

About the last story: I‘m so confused why sister and BIL would lie about the MIL having a medical emergency. I can imagine certain scenarios in which you might lie about having to go somewhere (like for example if something traumatic or humiliating happened to one of them and they needed medical attention themselves but didn‘t want the attention on them). But then you could make up some other lie instead of involving a third person! Especially because OP knows and has a line of contact with that MIL. Did they not think OP would ask MIL how she‘s doing??

[@tabathaalshalhoub1653]

For the third (?) story about the friends and the kids, I can understand the parents (as a parent myself)…. Because it’s statistically more likely that abuse happens by family or acquaintances. However, if I had met my siblings friends and I knew them, I would be less likely to be upset. Also, I wouldn’t have lied about where I was when I needed a babysitter lol

[@angiep2229]

Okay before I even listen to your video, I'm buying your plush for my kiddo! Trevor Project very very literally saved my child's life a couple of years ago. Things are better now and hopefully will not be that hard again, but I love that you both exist and I'm so grateful for you.

[@n0b0dy--]

On the baby naming story. I have a cousin with 2 middle names. One is her grandmas name and the other is her late auntie. Also the way the parents decided on their children's name was one parent got the final decision on the first child and the other on the second. These parents were a very unhealthy relationship and have since split with a LOT of family drama but managed to compromise or come up with a fair system on child naming. Just wondering about what other issues OP and the husband have if this is so big an issue. And I've picked up Shaaba's habit of calling all children squishes. So much so that the cousin I'm talking about is now 11 and I called her a squish yesterday. AND on the whole changing your own name thing. This cousin is also considering changing her name (not for any trans reasons, she just doesn't like her first name anymore) Also I think husband is the slightly larger drama cuz he won't compromise and do 2 middle names and just won't accept the wife's choices for the child's name at all. I agree with Shaaba. Just grow up. And if the nurses asked what the name was while he was unconscious I don't think I'd expect OP to say Lara Jane instead of Lara Andrea. I think if I was OP I would have chosen to put both names on there just so everyone kinda gets what they want (husband still gets the name he chose, he's just being a baby about it) And he wasn't physically able to say no so what was she meant to do?

[@thecosywitch]

I went around to my cousins for her 25th birthday party and didn’t realise her friends would be there, one of her friends that I knew from when we were in high school (she was younger than me so I only knew of her via my cousin) and my toddler took an absolute shine to each other, even though they had never met. She spent the whole time helping him to water flowers, played chase, rough housed with him, the works and he LOVED it. I was so grateful that this person, who didn’t know me very well and had never met my child, spent so much time and energy giving my son a great evening. If it had been a medical emergency like that and I didn’t know she’d been there, I’d be even more grateful that she changed all of her plans to make sure a child, that she didn’t know, had a fun time and wasn’t worrying about all the change. She’s friends with my cousin who I trust and like OP, my cousin was there so I think the parents massively over reacted, most likely out of stress from the MIL.

[@thecosywitch]

Ok now to see that the MIL wasn’t in hospital just whattt. Maybe sister had a medical emergency that she wasn’t comfortable sharing and that made them stressed? It’s so odd

[@thecosywitch]

Now I’ve finished it omggggg

[@maranathaschraag5757]

i'm a nurse and have cleaned up so many code browns.....but i will always close the door to the bathroom. Just no. but you do you.

[@lauraevans2104]

That last one was a trip. I’m glad MIL and sister’s SIL knew what was going on.

[@ashnorwood8976]

I (21ftm) have 3 older brothers. My mom (not the best mom) told me once that they had me because they wanted a girl. My dad (the best of dads) and I were sitting around a campfire at Ren faire smoking and I told him that my mom told me that and he said "well you had to go and fuck that one up right" it was hilarious

[@mirjamk2882]

I have a fun story about naming: My great aunts name was also Agnes but the family called her Neža (pronounced like the french neige + uh) and i think that’s a wonderful name

[@petrastedman669]

Welcome home, lovelies!!! So glad the tour went well, and you're back and giving us yummy treats on the interweb. Love love love you!!

[@shaaba]

thank you! hugs hugs x

[@iamjohnlocked2532]

Have you guys recently watched doctor who? : -are you my mummy? -Spoilers -Go to your room.

[@alinesarabia1544]

I know that middle names are not as important in many cultures, but for some reason in the southern states in the US, I've met so many people who use their middle name instead of their first name. Also, it should be a name that the child could use in the future if they don't like their first names (i.e. their first name is Karen). It is a lot easier to start using a middle name without having to legally change their name. So, a lot of thought should be placed on the importance of a middle name. 2 middle names is the best solution in this case, and if the husband will not agree to that, then he is the AH.

[@imgeniusish]

about the baby naming one. my deadname was partially given to me bc on my dad's side there was a little sister of the same name who passed when she was a baby. both my parents agreed on this name and the whole family liked it but it really disturbed me for years once i learned about the little sister. even if i wasnt trans id have wanted to change my name or at least choose a middle name for myself and use that. as it is ive kind of made my peace with it, they got to call me by that name they liked and now i have the name i chose for myself and they are slowly slowly transitioning to calling me by my new name. they did btw acknowledge my point of view of feeling burdened by the name when i told them about it so they knew they would eventually have to get used to a new name. i feel like names can be so so important which is why i always feel bad when theres drama going on with names. people can change their names of course, once they are adults but if they dont they carry everything that name entails their whole life so if theres resentment between the parents bc of it that just sucks.

[@Nino-xp5df]

That's what I was thinking as well! What about the kid who would grow up hearing this story of their parent's disagreement on the name over and over again?!

[@dwaynethefrog]

i can kinda relate to the evil aunt scenario. my ex's family felt like my own but when we broke up apparently they never liked me so yeah it's way better to be honest abt ur feelings even if it 'stirs the pot'

[@PokhrajRoy.]

Both of you’re always fabulous but you look absolutely fabulous in this episode!

[@shaaba]

no you do 👉🏽👈🏽

[@Vincent.E.M.Thorn.Author]

On the "Naming the kid" story, I think it hinges on WHY the husband hates the name. If he just doesn't like the aesthetic of it, he can go dunk his head, it's over and a woman died, but if he has trauma about the name (like an old bully, or abusive relationship with someone with that name) he should communicate that.

[@yellowkoi1054]

On the last one: Woof! Good the sister and BIL got caught on lying.

[@summersnitch9730]

Story 2: I was named after my aunt (my dad's sister) as a second name because she has a mental disability that severely affects her social and independent life, like being unable to travel outside her home town or do basically anything on her own. She has also been in care and has been unresponsive for years now, but i have met her a few times before. The name was incidentally also my mom's best friend's name (besties for 20 years when I was born), but it was made clear that it was given to me primarily because of my aunt and the bestie was just a "nice bonus". While I don't necessarily like the name itself that much, I am really happy and proud to be carrying it and while my aunt hasn't been able to speak to anyone in years and probably never will be again, I feel like I have a special connection with her because of that. I was told she was incredibly moved when she was told after my birth and I am just so glad I was somehow involved in giving her something so special. It's not about the aesthetic of the name, it's about the connection.

[@AJFluff]

that last one was such *unbelievably* spicy tea!

[@rage_of_aquarius]

THANK YOU FOR THE PRINCE OF EGYPT SHOUTOUT! MOST BEAUTIFUL SOUNDTRACK EVER!

[@annaairahala9462]

I know this is just a blind assumption/guess on my part, but that second story gives me the vibes of someone who hates a name because they have some kind of memory they're trying to hide, like cheating.

[@ShadowAnimeation]

For context: The bible story about cutting a baby in half, is about two mothers who both have a baby around the same time. One is careless and her baby dies during the night. To not look bad, she swaps her dead baby with the other women's and tries to pretend the alive one is hers. But the alive baby's real mom is like, no this dead baby is your child and that's mine. So they take the situation before King Solomon. They both claim the alive baby is theirs and he can't tell who is lying. So he instructs his guards to take the baby, cut it in half, and give each mother a half. The kidnapper doesn't speak up because she doesn't want to protest a kings order and risk getting in trouble, but the real mother throws herself at his feet and begs him to just give the baby to the other woman because she'd rather lose her child than have it die. So Solomon deduces by this reaction who the real mother is, gives it back to it's true mother, and imprisons the other woman for kidnapping. Not sure what that has to do with the baby name story, but that's the story of Solomon and cutting a baby in half, if you ever hear someone talking about it LOL He didn't actually do it, just threatened to so he could get to the truth.