The Cowardly Side Of Narcissism

[@Nancy-yw1rr]

They're the ultimate bullies, and all bullies are truly cowards inside.

[@sharilyon5983]

Nancy, I've learned this is true!

[@bereal6590]

@@sharilyon5983 true... bully their children Into submission ... cowards! I've finally seen it when the preverbial sh*t hit the fan... Both n.parents are cowards.... wish I'd known this 40 year ago 🙋

[@katarinatibai8396]

💯🎯

[@russellm7530]

Yes. Amen.

[@angelahobbs1280]

My ex husband bullied his sons into quivering crying wrecks.

[@DeborahLArmstrong]

They are cowards because they lack the courage to look within and see the truth about themselves! They cannot admit when they are wrong, because they are cowards!

[@DeborahLArmstrong]

@Eternity With Christ Oh yeah, they can dish it out but they can't take it!

[@valerieosborne9465]

It is not in my nature to be cruel and unkind. As for them being cruel and unkind is a great pleasure and under the surface they get off on causing the deep wounds they inflict. I am grateful to have all the traits of a loving beating heart which is not in fear of taking a chance to be vulnerable. I've worked with young children all my life and I see myself as a builder not a good destroyer. I believe children need to be taught empathy and tolerance, and the concept of critical thinking.🌻🧙

[@maidmarion2976]

Valerie Osborne The tragic thing is that they choose people like us to abuse. I can’t bear to hear about other really good people being subject to this.

[@jenniferfrazier8131]

Their pride is deadly.

[@valerieosborne9465]

@@jenniferfrazier8131 SUCH truisms from you both and their defensiveness OMG which Sparks a fire causing them to be unable to hear anymore.. I'm sure you all agree communication is about listening to each other . This is a thing impossible for cowards without a heart and soul to even consider the truth in the whole world of possible answers. I am grateful to live inside of my skin , cause there's stinks 🙉🧙💩

[@CopperMoon4747]

Narcissists don't just run, they push you out, or under, and then they'll pretend that they were trying to save you, often followed by weird, or false accusations to slander you. Great video! Thanks for shining the light on the narcissists!

[@piperdaryle1382]

Sadly, very true.

[@jenniferfrazier8131]

I am so grateful for this. Well said.

[@thebluevelvetriver]

So true!!

[@carolnahigian9518]

Exactly. Mine (brother) is a Cruel abuser

[@laurieannJake]

Yes!!!

[@Jen-vw1lo]

Cowardice is at the core of narcissism, not just a side of it. Cowardice, selfishness, and self-absorption.

[@jasonpowell92]

My brother

[@indiesindie1984]

My boss

[@rebeccacoker8996]

My mother

[@ninjacat508]

And laziness

[@Djwyrm]

My decesed husband and his mother, and his grandmother and grandfather. It was pure hell.

[@biancavonmuhlendorf2608]

They refuse to stand up for others- they only like to talk about these things, but in the red hot minute they are always cowards or angry, shifting the blame on the victim.

[@soniabernatchez7466]

yurk

[@belamanzano9035]

That is exactly what my ex boyfriend did after he beat me up just for trying to help him get help because he is a drug addict!

[@carpathianken]

@@belamanzano9035 The legal system not only seems to excuse that kind of behaviour but promotes more of it by judges saying "Because of your addiction problems you'll get just a slap on the wrist" , or "because you had a difficult childhood I'm going to let you off"

[@okie-kan9240]

Yes, I absolutely see them as a coward. If you were in a hostile situation, they will throw you in front of them and run.

[@tcbcmoto4895]

FACT 👍

[@TheAncksunamen]

My narcissistic mother passed last November. Tomorrow I celebrate my 47th birthday and it will be the first time that I will allow myself worthy of celebrating my birthday in 47 years. The one person who made it feel like I should've never been born, is gone. She sabotaged every birthday. I'm finally free and will begin to convince myself that I am worthy of being alive, breathing and celebrating the kind, empathic, loving person I try to be. Dr. Carter you are one of my biggest reasons for my survival. I have so much gratitude for you. {{Thank you}} ❤

[@maidmarion2976]

Darling you enjoy your birthday and the rest of your life. You do not have to explain yourself to anybody. God loves every hair on your head. Be blessed

[@dominicbrogsdale3348]

Happy birthday and I know the FEELING!! My mom is a narc! My brother hasnt talked to her in 5 years and she canr figure out why!!!!!!! Id be all day talking about it! But HAPPY 4 u best!! Glad youe free

[@pamelalawhon3536]

Oh goodness, that is sad. Thank you for sharing. Proud of you and Happy Birthday!🎊🎂🎉

[@nelumbonucifera148]

Shelly Leah Wilson, wishing you a very happy birthday! Have a great day, celebrate and live your life to the fullest. You are certainly worthy of it💐💕

[@Booboonancy]

Shelly Leah Wilson ... A very Happy Birthday to you. I hope you celebrate EXACTLY the way you want to. Enjoy your freedom !

[@theroadupward]

My fear with the phrase "Hurt people hurt people" is that the healthy person feels compassion for the poor hurt narcissistic and gives them an inch, at which the narcissist will take a mile. Sure they are hurt people, but you didn't hurt them, they won't admit they are broken, and the promise is they will HURT YOU.

[@Retro_Disco]

Yes, they WILL hurt you!

[@jenniferfrazier8131]

BIG facts. Well said.

[@TheBreechie]

Feeling compassion and understanding that someone is coming from a place of hurt doesn’t imply anyone should tolerate the abuse.... It is possible to see someone as being in pain and see their behaviour as abusive.... The two truths are not mutually exclusive...

[@Nina-hk7ub]

They aren't worthy of any empathy from others.

[@Socialling]

I struggle with this because I go into protective mode and don’t want people to know they hurt me so I avoid conflict but I also don’t lash out or speak up until they push me to engage which has happened 6 times in the last 5 years. I do regret saying things in anger and usually apologize for being angry or for harsh words and I don’t always get an apology for my hurt back. So am I a narcissist? I’m deeply introverted though I try to be friendly to people I have to work with and try to never ask favors because I’m scared of people feeling I’m using them because I sometimes feel like that when people come to me almost only to complain about their problems or to ask favors. Idk man.

[@pamguevara9237]

Narcisst are plain evil ppl. By Staying away is the best thing to do to have Peace in your life.

[@dominicbrogsdale3348]

Yup my professor calls them, " wicked" stay away! Or theyll pray!!

[@heatherann4390]

They run literally. Or hide. They do not like being confronted.

[@harmonyvaneaton4101]

Yes! Physically RUNNING away? Comes back an hour later claiming total amnesia..... over and over and over....

[@Christinacatalano]

Omg yes. LITERALLY. It’s shocking.

[@MeganMingler]

Narcissism is all cowardly.

[@lovely-mk4rt]

* with power

[@Mein-Darth]

Most of all they are selfish.

[@dominicbrogsdale3348]

@@Mein-Darth they are I had a narc friend I let him use my car for about 3 to 4 weeks and he paid me with lotion and soap he got from a crackhead. He gave me my car back and didn't even fill up the tank and he makes three to $5,000 every two weeks. But that weekend he got his car fixed and he took his girlfriend who soon-to-be his wife to an upscale restaurant that cost at least 50 to $100 for a piece of steak. I will be all day talking about him but I had to get away. If any friend let me use his car I will fill the tank up , throw them a 100$ or 2 and even clean their car because im so thankful! Bur SELFISH is RIGHT!

[@davidpostma9862]

Megan Basile With 4 narcissistic sisters and an aging narcissist mother (96) I’ve realized with Dr Carter’s help it’s not really about me (all their hatred) but it’s all about their terror-ridden inward self.

[@LyndieLouWho]

"If you scratch a bully you'll find a coward."

[@Zeepjeliefs]

Very true

[@wifferste]

Where do I start? It’s a lot of the same garbage thrown at you: rage, denial, blame shifting, changing topic, gas lighting, silence, avoidance, needing to superiority, making any of your concerns about themselves, needing to control every aspect of life including the truth.

[@lioubovgrant1935]

Classic !!!

[@annebooyse1112]

and there's probably much more. Isolating them from parents and loved ones and stirring up trouble between them and their loved ones, so that the narcissist has greater control of the individual. Making the individual doubt themselves and ensuring that their target, only heeds their advice, including the kind of advice, a person should be getting from professionals. And then there's the sexual deviation and infidelity etc. 'A nasty piece of work.'☺

[@marinagallant1847]

I call it the narc circle because the argument goes round and round until one of you gives in or gives up.

[@dragon2195]

If you want the raw truth about N.P.D go to the Sam Vaknin lectures . he's a psychopathic narcissist, he's been diagnosed 2 times. he'll tell you like it is !!!. A lot of it is unbelievable, and very sad.

[@KK-ri2gu]

Soooooo true

[@erikkaye1114]

My mom the Narcissist needs to have an enemy to focus her attention on. If she doesn't have one she has to make them. She chose me and my father, her husband. She chose the two people who love her the most because choosing a real enemy is a dangerous. Now that's cowardice!

[@DStrivingforRighteousness]

I agree.

[@shelleys1551]

Sometimes it's just not worth the battle. Walking away is sometimes the only answer unless you want to be miserable for the rest of your life. I just want peace, and to be left alone.

[@carolynjaynes36]

Me too! 👍

[@karenk2409]

Run. Stay away. Move on, and live in peace, Shelley.

[@michigan1085]

Exactly! There’s no “making it work”

[@nelumbonucifera148]

Their bravado is a cover for their insecurities. Deep down, they are terrified of being exposed, so as all cowardly bullies do, they put on a false front and intimidate and harass and use aggression to keep their secret safe. We can see this mask slip in times of real crisis, when they are unable to handle the situation, they auto-switch to panic mode and rely on others to clean the mess up.

[@alanaadams7440]

Amen

[@leothompson8386]

Bingo! You hit the nail on the head......

[@stephanyalisova94]

100%

[@user-of6um3so3m]

Yes, it's a shame and makes our lives difficult if we must be connected in some way

[@janeanderson7122]

Nelumbo Nucifera how true!

[@paulclinton6414]

They pretend to have the power of God but run when forced into a fair fight.

[@dominicbrogsdale3348]

Woooooo so true!!! Have a buddy like this! Always judging others and putting them down! We where watvhing a documentary on poor people and he said, " people wanna come to God when its to late" im like, " dude how can you say somthen like that... U grew up poor to??" I had to get away from him

[@asseyez-vous6492]

Dominic Brogsdale Obviously your ex friend never even looked at a bible! Remember Jesus said: “It’s easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle, than it is for a rich man to gain entry to heaven.” Glad you discarded them, remember to completely ignore them hoovering won’t you?

[@Cinemagoer_64]

Paul Clinton that was perfect thank you sir!!!

[@roshawngreene7069]

No s***!!!

[@barbarabrennan1753]

Run when FORCED INTO a fair fight. Read what you said. FORCED. How is it fair if forced. That means not mutually agreed upon.

[@drmikevasovski]

Once I recognized my own narcissism; the first characteristic present in me after heartlessness/lack of empathy, is cowardliness. It took me 40+ years to muster the guts to offer an apology to the person I discarded in 1977.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

That takes guts. Thanks, Mike! Dr. C

[@phyllisjohnson1019]

Way to go Mike. Hope you are still doing well. ✝️

[@9jemima]

Yeah, I'm considering making some ammends myself. You are not alone.

[@karendegenerous8044]

Well done Mike. It's very unfortunate that I'm having to take my narcissistic previous doctor to court for him to do that. I wish he just had the nerve to call me and talk about it for 25 minutes, and we wouldn't have had to put up with all this that's come in between the disagreement last year (which I don't even know what it is, it was a strange sudden dislike though I know that I have done nothing wrong) in May 2021 and now. The fact is I totally know him inside as a person, and he knows that I know it's not his fault that he is the way that he is.

[@dyoung2739]

It's about winning or losing with the narcissist and a narc will do anything-lie,steal,etc-to win.

[@leonab545]

Yep. I am realizing this too. Everything is about winning some game. No genuine emotion. They just cannot chill and be genuinely kind.

[@dyoung2739]

@@leonab545 They really can’t.

[@taraarrington2285]

And cheat, they play dirty.

[@dyoung2739]

@@taraarrington2285 Exactly

[@meow2u22]

Fast Eddie Felson from "The Hustler" described the narcissist Bert best. "You're (the narc) a loser because you're dead inside. And you can't live unless you make everyone else dead around you."

[@MavSpic]

Yup, it’s called leveling. That’s how they choose their victims, they want everyone to be as miserable as they are and it’s extremely painful for them to see people happy and thriving.

[@Gracelandscounselling]

That's a great line and so true because a narccist cannot have internal growth - they don't self reflect! They are stunted, frozen in time - they are such sad people beyond help because they cannot see that they need to change! It took me a long time to realise that they really can't be helped to see another way of looking at life and learning a new coping mechanism, I felt a failure at first but I realise now its an impossible task.

[@DoubleRainbows-fp6ih]

& "Dirty John & Betty..." on Netix is a great descriptor too. Brilliant TV. They work too fast.

[@carolinesand9711]

He always turns everything onto me! He NEVER has had my back!

[@faithfulservant1050]

Same here!!!!

[@MavSpic]

They have zero loyalty.

[@julietberry7628]

ditto

[@beegee5305]

When people would say things about me he wouldn't have my back either. For example we were going to do the Death Ride which encompasses 5 passes at altitude. I was doing these to train for my main sport, but on the way up I was half asleep napping in the truck and his friend said to him "what makes her think she can finish this ride?" My beloved N didn't even have my back. So I sat up out of my half slumber and said " How can you pre- judge me, you don't even know me nor my athletic history! You'll see ! " Well I had to double back for them many times bc I was worried about them. Giving them salt tablets. It can be can be a dangerous ride on many levels, especially for newbies to endurance. For me, I was already an accomplished endurance athlete. My ex-N knew that... but he didn't defend me in the truck. That made me sad, not bc I needed him to adulate me ...just defend me.

[@taraarrington2285]

Mine would have my back to my face and talk crap behind my back.

[@wilmalee5153]

It is almost impossible to interact with a person with this type of character! I threw in the towel..

[@michigan1085]

Good for you! It’s not easy to leave but sometimes it’s the only option

[@carariela]

Some hurt people are just plain wicked.

[@Elizabeth-yg2mg]

Right--I'm not convinced they're hurt; I think they're neurologically defective.

[@scottwilliams5814]

This video helped me to put narcissistic people in my life into perspective. Knowing that a narcissist is actually very insecure on the inside, makes their outer persona feel much less threatening!

[@dianefarley37]

Yes, Ilse is right! Narcs are like the shaking, pissing little dog that lunges once you've turned your back and bites your heel.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

I agree with the adult position put forth by Scott. It is the only way to have power. You all have judgment and resentment instead, and it keeps you down. Some day you will look back on it and wonder why you wasted so much energy on self pity, like narcissists do.

[@wanderer410]

True! Helps in dealing with them. Thanks for wording it so well.

[@jackiekittie6135]

There is no cowardly 'side'. It's ALL cowardly, when it comes to narcissism.

[@carolinekingham7316]

When you are raised by a narcissist you follow their lead in the way you deal with difficult situations and your attitude to others. It took me many years to nurture my own personality to change it into something I could be comfortable with. As a child you rely on your parents for guidance, discernment and example. When all the modelling you get is from a narcissistic mother and a disinterested father how can you grow up with the values you need?

[@uniquedavenport7232]

God...

[@thisgirlslife3002]

I trusted and completely gave my all in my marriage. He would talk and talk about the issue and it was only his way and solution. If me or the kids had any other thoughts it was met with anger. He would throw things, leave in his car and be gone all day. He refused to go to any family or friends funerals or weddings. He had his family believing such bad things about us. I am so thankful me and my kids survived. We are still all healing but it is a long process. We are all in shell shock still

[@Jen-vw1lo]

My ex also did disappearing acts to punish me and teach me a lesson. So glad that nightmare is over.

[@KK-ri2gu]

Yessssss that's who they are stay strong God bless you

[@KK-ri2gu]

@@Jen-vw1lo you have been blessed

[@Jen-vw1lo]

@@KK-ri2gu I know!

[@IamVerasitaPrincessa]

@@Jen-vw1lo stay strong, the sun shall shine so bright

[@FlavellaLAmour]

Absolute cowards, who don't take any responsibility for there actions, and blame everyone else. They don't have the courage to face themselves.

[@cynthiamiller1983]

The coward comes out in the narcissist when there's an issue that needs to be spoke about and resolution needs to come to light. The narcissist will always defend that they are right no matter what refuses to come to a adult mature resolution leaves you feeling more frustrated and the issue just festers.The narcissist will leave you with no other alternative but to cut them off and go no contact because there is no resolution or ending to the conflict.

[@susanparker9877]

So very true. Either you stay on their hamster wheel, or you get off and walk away. 🚶‍♀️ Proud of you. Proud of me too.

[@taraarrington2285]

Yep. It's not a control thing it's a respect thing. They want to dictate not compromise.

[@taraarrington2285]

@@susanparker9877 yes please let me off the roller coaster.

[@ruebensfilms]

The pathological narcissist's cowardice, to its core, stems from his/her fear of confronting his vulnerabilities. Their emptiness is a direct result of their fear and denial of who they actually are.

[@cheriefrench6956]

I have observed my narc will help total strangers on the side of the road with great care and help, even putting me out to make me walk home (I am partially disabled) so he could impress the family whose car wouldn't work. The woman was concerned that I was put in to the very situation she was being rescued from. So with much flourish he called tow truck and drove this unknown family home. I limped and gasped my way home with my walker. I would have been supportive fully of the rescue if he had put me somewhere safe...store...wherever, and returned for me later. But instead I was cast out into the danger. He phoned the next day to see if I got home. Eventually I understood, it's performance art...these folks praised him, and he could brag to others about the rescue. I just didn't matter...no brag value.

[@kensyskye8965]

Cherie French omg they never cease to amaze me! Hope you got rid ......✌🏻🙏🏼💕

[@beegee5305]

@@cheriefrench6956 That is simply horrifying. I am wondering now also about the family that took your place. They are equally guilty. How did they think that was even remotely okay? And he called you the next day? The whole thing and everyone reeks of narcissism. I hope you are not with him anymore.

[@joywebster2678]

@@beegee5305 he evicted me out if the property I was renting from him a year ago. I have nothing to do with him now. The family he helped that day were saying, ohh not don't make her get out, but they were bowled over by him, the man was quite infirm and the wife the driver. The sad thing was there was room in his big car for all 4 of us. But to the narc I didn't matter.

[@sandradominguez4750]

This is my life. He bails or gives the silent treatment for weeks when he isn’t getting his way, lashes out or shuts down if he feels criticized. Im at the end of my rope, lonelier than I have ever felt. But I’m trying to remember that I’m worth loving and being with and working with. I’m not perfect, but this is a terrible way to treat someone you claim to love.

[@michigan1085]

I was with someone like that for 23 years until I finally left him. My only regret is not leaving sooner. I hope you find peace too ❤️

[@cymbolichuman433]

Lots of us has been through the cruelty of the cowardly sneaky and hurtful attitude these people have. Being free of the connection that they had with us is the only way to save ourselves from a miserable life.

[@dominicbrogsdale3348]

So true there good at getting you in a nice smooth conversation and BOOM put of no where will say somthing HATEFUL that you cant even combat!!! I had a buddy like this i had to get away!!! I told people about him and they said HE JEALOUS OF YOU!!! dont matter how much love you show they are completey self centered and hateful!!

[@perdidoatlantic]

On the flip side, I deal with a couple of narcs in my family and I’m so tired of their chaos I backed out. No contact and they don’t bother me. They would say I’m afraid. I don’t care. The peace is worth it.

[@melaniegonzalezart8506]

May the peace be with you!

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

Sign of maturity too. When you are no longer impressed by their drama.

[@dyoung2739]

The bully side and/or confident of a narcissist is a front for their weakness and insecurity

[@iys6890]

They need their little posy....

[@Miss_Wonderful1]

They prey on vulnerable people. That's no different than cowards who lash out at a cat but would run like hell if confronted by an angry, heavy muscled body-builders.

[@juneburns1565]

Absolutely right !!

[@CharMinsky]

The Gargoyle that doesn’t sound safe, exactly. I’d avoid.

[@Miss_Wonderful1]

@@CharMinsky You're right!

[@Lucas-SoJesusSalva]

I laugh at bodybuilder part but I got the message hahahahaah

[@Miss_Wonderful1]

@@Lucas-SoJesusSalva 😂

[@well_weathered]

In difficulty they are 'no shows'! They will totally exhaust you and cause complete chaos in your life.

[@jennypage1155]

Having been bullied by a narc for years I came to see how weak they truly are. They'd rather abuse other people than give up this reality they create that's comfortable for them nstead of facing up to the big bad world like a normal functioning adult

[@dawnbailey1132]

Wow. There is so much I want to say. I feel validated by Dr. Carters words. For many years I thought my husband acted cowardly, yet I felt conflicted. Now, c/o this teaching, I realize my view was accurate. I had to handle everything that was unpleasant or difficult because he wouldn't. I can't remember one time that he stepped up and protected me. Instead, he hid behind me--as Dr. Carter said, like a kid behind his mothers skirt. He'd say I just can't deal with _______(fill in the blank). I'd think, no, you just WON'T! Cowardice is the only word for it. No wonder they live in an alternate reality. In that world they don't have to face truth and who they are. Thank you again Dr. Carter, more than you'll ever know.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased! Dr. C

[@MegaMindyLou]

A neighbor tried to get me to kiss him and was super aggressive when I was washing my car. This was an elderly neighbor and I never thought he would behave this way. He grabbed the hose from me (I was trying to be friendly and was shocked at his behavior) and started soaking me. I escaped thru the garage and slammed the door on him. I told my narc husband and he said I shouldn’t have been washing my car. I insisted he go talk to him and he refused and blamed me. Heaven forbid anything really happens to me.

[@JB---]

NOTES: Cowardice in a Narcissist psychological cowardice = the lack of courage to confront or step into difficult or potentially painful circumstances A narcissist is driven by fear. false persona = superior, in control reality = fearful child in a scary world, have to be vigilant and control everything When conflict comes up, while others try to solve the problem, the narcissist’s main goal is to make sure nobody thinks they are to blame for anything. Indicators of Cowardice in a Narcissist -disappear when conflict arises -take pot shots behind your back (not to your face) -being coy or evasive, always an eye on the exit -bullying, everyone must comply or be bullied -associate with powerful people, like a kid hiding behind mommy’s skirt -refuse to stand up for others -divert to other topics, shift blame -no compassion for someone who feels sad -ridicule, mocking, condescension All of these tactics are driven by fear and the desire to appear competent. Underneath, they are hurt. They are stuck in childhood difficulties that have never been resolved. Best Response = One person must be courageous, and I’m it.

[@martyminer828]

OR.........You CAN CHOOSE this mission carefully and........WALK A WAY.....I have found, that NO MATTER how you try and interact with one,,,they will NEVER be able to SEE your side, OR do they have the ability to WALK in anyone else's shoes,,,SO,,,That being said,,,"what's the point?" Really? "What's the bang for my buck?" Save yourself the years of frustration....Find your PEACE somewhere else. In GOD....

[@JB---]

@@martyminer828 I think the advice was for situations where you have to deal with a narcissist. Getting away is always the best and easiest if you can, but some people are stuck with a narcissistic boss, or sibling, or spouse, etc., and have to deal with the person for the time being, or choose not to cut ties for good reasons.

[@martyminer828]

@@JB--- Okay,,,,I understand THAT, but, I am NOW dealing with my 50 yo (only) daughter and her husband.. who is 57,,,.w/2 kids 17 and 20......WE are so sick of the dis-respect from the 2 of them....we have gradually backed out of their life since 06....last time they were here was in 2017...AND we unloaded a lot of furniture to them, baby grand, white a d white large tv..ect...he was rude thru it all,,,,after they left, we said, that's it..........and this was T.G. weekend, boy did we ever put on the spread. But NOTHING is ENOUGH.....So, WE ARE WALKING AWAY....NOT going to wait until they start pushing us around, like some friends of ours have had happen to them. ......We are the NICE ppl,,,,they are the greedy graspers.....we're done....

[@melaniegonzalezart8506]

Thanks for the notes!

[@JB---]

@@melaniegonzalezart8506 You're welcome, Melanie!

[@chrisw3031]

This was very hard to listen to as I have never heard this concept before and my mind had forgotten this cowardly incident. At a small local zoo, a large field had about 40 kangaroos in it and it was full of families. My narc hubby (now ex) took my 2 year old daughter in (against my advise). Kangaroos can be territorial and extremely aggressive. They were in front and he let go of her hand. As I got nearer a 7 ft bull kangaroo was confronting her growling and hissing and moving in on her getting ready to strike. My hubby was backing away and like any mum I ran over to grab her, but it was too late. I had to step in between them and yell at my daughter to get back. She didn't understand and I had to yell for him to come and grab her. He hesitated and I keep yelling at him and telling her to get back, almost kicking her out of the road. I was now within 2 ft of this huge animal which was starting to rock on it's tail getting ready to grab me with it's arms and gut me with it's huge claw/toes. They kill dogs this way, but also adults have been seriously gutted. I glanced behind it and saw all the men grabbing their kids and running. Quick thinking made me put my hands in a boxing position so that it couldn't grab my head or shoulders (and it tried over and over), but I sort of boxed at it and growled back. This made it angrier and we were in a face off with me trying to move back for what seemed like an eternity. I tried to appear a formidable foe and finally started to growl louder and act more aggressively to it. Only then I was able to slowly back away. Well, hubby was no where to be seen and I found them in the shop with an ice cream - and nothing was said. I couldn't speak because I was in shock and just mumbled that I wanted to go home. I have PTSD from this and can't go anywhere near a possibly aggressive animal. Yes, what man doesn't defend his family. Obviously a narcissist!

[@paulrichards2365]

My father was a full-blown narc. But the one experience where he showed cowardice I can think of, is one time when others had left the table and he and I were left. For no reason, out of the blue, he looked at me with a cruel look on his face and said, "I'm going to stare at you while you eat". This was uncomfortable for a 15-year-old. I HATED him. I shoveled the food into my mouth and slowly chewed with my mouth open, all the while staring RIGHT BACK AT HIM. The sick bastard couldn't handle it and left the table.

[@carolinesand9711]

So many smear campaigns over the last 32 years, especially with my kids. He knows how to pout and get their sympathy. It really isolates me.

[@BK-qp8zp]

I used to call my narc a bully and a bulldozer. A counselor once told him to respect my stop signs and stop blowing through them. The narc despised it every time I used that analogy on him. BTW, I still remember how shocked I felt that the counselor was sticking up for me, as the narc had made me so sure I was the problem.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

My first counselor took my narcissist's side. It took me a while to realize that he was attracted to her.

[@terielspas3019]

Legend in there own minds...uh ..I'm so Happy I put him out of my life...

[@duromusabc]

Like Chozen in the Karate Kid 2 - toxic coward when he refused to help Daniel help a girl in distress during a typhoon 🌀 His Sensei Sato said to him “to you I am dead”

[@carolynparton8842]

Thank you for your fresh perspective on this matter. I have been completely isolated by my family.....due to a smear campain by a charming, covert narc sibling. It's a hurtful, depressing thing to have to be separated from people you care for....people who were a part of your life growing up. Cowardess....it explains a lot of my siblings actions....looking back in my memories. Thanks again....your message really helps me feel better with a fresh perspective.

[@carol22368]

Most of my family will cross too many boundaries and will stay away waiting for me to just get over it and let it go so they don't have to apologize. They will say they don't even know what I'm mad about. If told they deny it. Now I just say I'm not angry I am done. I'm not going to argue with someone trying to convince them that they did something they will deny to the death or tell me it didn't happen that way. I'm not going to allow people to bring their crazy into my life. Family can be your worst enemy.

[@phoenixrising8007]

They can sure dish it out but they can’t take it. Epitome of Hypocrisy!

[@katiehunt3083]

In my opinion, they behave like immature children. They seem to derive pleasure from others struggles...

[@susangavaghan]

The former narc friend of mine always deflected the blame and shifted the conversation - one of her tricks. It worked face to face but not in a letter. Also, she lacked empathy. At the time she made the nasty put down remark which drove me over the edge, she knew I was going through a bad time. Yet when she tried to hoover me back she tried to get my sympathy by telling me that her dog had died. I was sorry about this, but often wondered how she seemed to expect empathy and compassion from others while she seemed incapable of giving any.

[@joshuawong9157]

I was once a coward who dared not face my own flaws, still am. I didn't know that it's ok to face the bad stuff bit by bit at my own pace.

[@Miss_Wonderful1]

In my 24 years with a narc I've seen many times the situations you described here but first, I didn't recognize them as cowardice (and yes, they are!), and second I realized those behaviors were really wrong, but I never put together all the pieces of the puzzle.

[@michigan1085]

Me too! I was with mine for 23 yrs too. I knew it was stressful and not right, but didn’t know about narcissism and couldn’t pinpoint the issue. So glad I was able to leave the jerk

[@Kreln1221]

*It's like Tom Riddle, (the A-hole that renamed himself, "Lord Voldemort")...* *"I give you two choices..."* *"Either accept and admit that I am your Lord and Master..., and you are and will be my loyal minion..., to be used..., and abused at my whim, should you fail to serve and praise me......, or not..., and with your refusal, thus silently declare yourself to be my enemy... And if you are my enemy..., then you must be destroyed..., figuratively..., if not literally..., and I will bring the combined might of all my minions down upon you..., as my enemy is their enemy..., lest they themselves become my enemy..."*

[@evc505]

The cowardice comes from their enablers who will deny and lie for the narcissist.

[@karendegenerous8044]

Narcissism is a typical catch 22 situation, they become bad and vindictive through choice, but it wasn't their fault they were made that way in the first place.

[@talkingtina4519]

You are teaching me so much from these videos and I do thank you.

[@firefeethok_tui2355]

They cower when they are unable to maintain the control. Theyre caught off guard with sudden situation or questions and cannot synthesize what to do next. Everything is usually planned out for them so when confronted with unknow territory, they cower. Its really quite strange to watch a person always throwing their importance around to cower and stab you in the back to save the selves. And then, its an eye opener to watch them say it didnt happen the way it did when they try to recover from their cowardly behavior. Ugh UGH.

[@cathyclark5081]

I have learned so much by listening to your explanations. Unfortunately this information was not available 10 years ago when I was going through a divorce with a narcissist. I just threw my hands in the air gave up everything including my life savings and walked away.

[@annabelaviles1353]

My mom passed away 3 wks ago:( The narcissist monster that I'm with has not been supportive at all and that makes things even harder for me, it is horrible to loose a loved one while living with heartless, selfish people like them:(

[@melaniegonzalezart8506]

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you have quiet solitary moments to reflect on your mom's life and she is watching over you and guiding you. She is gone in this realm but now can be with you everywhere you need it. Or whatever set of beliefs, you can savor them on your own. God bless.

[@anneharrington7951]

My former narc boyfriend threw me out of the house for taking a week to support my family when a 17 year old nephew was killed on a snowmobile. He couldn't make it through the week not being the center of my attention.

[@dianella2008]

When the person who made me feel safe and love (not romantic love) for the first time in my life passed away 3 years ago it was emotional shocking , I was broken . He was my best friend , I will forever love him and miss him. But guess what, I was not allowed to grieve him because he was not part of the family. My grieving process was criticized, force to stop. I haven’t been the same there after. Their lack of empathy is so destructive , what make worse is that they are not even aware of the emotional pain they bring upon others. So sad .

[@annabelaviles1353]

@@dianella2008 Yeah, the narcissist words to me were, you'll get over it. They are cold, very cold people, but they want your unconditional support and attention for them when they need it, they care about themselves.

[@annabelaviles1353]

@@anneharrington7951 That is terrible, but you're right, they hate not being the center of your world, its just horrible

[@aa3330]

Omg, I've been a HUGE COWARD in my life. Fears/threats of no place to go, or whatever the excuse, I'm not proud of not standing up for people who needed someone to stand by them, especially my own child. Thank you, Dr Carter. This one really hits home for me. Starting to heal from narc abuse, I feel so damn angry at what I reduced myself to, in order to conform to various narcissistic ppl in my life. Always hoping I get it right, or dont make them mad, walking on eggshells all the damn time. I'm so angry, and feel like I've been had, in a way. And the most innocent one suffering in this life is my child, who deserves a mom who stands up for her. And that, I plan to do. I'm not proud of myself at all.

[@cindyreeves5048]

It will make all the difference! Congratulations on deciding to take courage.

[@jeanlaubenthal698]

Oh man the behind mother's skirt ... so true. I came close to tearing up listening to this video as described my experience and feeling so confused as lies became truth and truth became lies.

[@actsfittolead]

I am courageous! Me in those situations at this point, I just walk away. Except when I get trapped in the car. That is another thing all together. In that case I choose silent avoidance. The gums flap but I don't hear a word as I find a happy meditative place in my mind. They are scared little children who are deeply miserable who want the same for me as misery loves company. I attempt to send back a frequency of love when I am silent as that is all I can do as long as I don't not get tripped up with CPTSD. If that happens, I silently cry.

[@deirdremilner9152]

SOME hurt people hurt others… but thankfully, MANY hurt people USE their experiences to HELP other hurt people … and do NOT use it as an excuse to PERPETUATE the harm.

[@smiler1327]

Narcissists are definitely cowards. Too cowardly to look at themselves and their own issues. Too cowardly to face up to the real issues in life and take on any responsibility. Too cowardly to have an equal, which is why they bully those they view as "weaker". Too cowardly to be emotionally available. Mine disappeared when my daughter went into hospital, when I became ill and when I confronted him about his behaviour. Complete coward.

[@Bubagigant]

The realization that someone who you thought was a nice person with many talents, popular, good dad etc... is in fact a coward who runs away his whole life from everything that might appear only a bit difficult and who is not capable of going deep in anything and with anyone, with manipulation techniques like silent treatment, fake future planning, gas lighting, hoovering, when things go wrong for him...it hurts.......but at least I know now...and my ego is ok with it....I will get through it....thanks for your videos.

[@hubertmantz1516]

How many times have I experienced this scenario with friends and more so family members! How bloody true is it that they’ll walk out on you and let you have to deal with the person that started the altercation and offer absolutely no support or assistance when they know ur the innocent victim who didn’t lash out and start the fiasco in the first place!

[@joannamikkelsen1460]

My father destroyed me with his cowardice. When my mother was drunkenly abusing me, *he ran away*. I watched my father leave me again and again with my abusive mother because he did not have the courage to stand up for me.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I hope you can take your branch of the family tree into a much better direction. Use those experiences as motivation to change! Dr. C

[@tomekamontegue5122]

Thanks Dr. C! In my experience with the narc, they seem to think I am being pretentious when I’m taking the high road. When they see that I’m kind or sensitive and attentive to others and others recognize me for it they attack and say “she’s a liar” she’s not really like that! And that’s who I’ve always been. I realize that in my situation that it’s MY attention that they want and they want exclusively. I feel that what triggers them is when they witness my interaction with anyone else in a positive way. It’s like you say they just want to make you out to be a bad person and slay your goodness and good name and reputation with others. Unfortunately there have been rare occasions when I’ve been drawn in by the narcissist and responded inappropriately, I regret it. And I’ve just discovered and realized that this person brings out the absolutely worst in me. I know better. I’m a healthy, mature person with understanding, and I’m caring and concerned for everyone. This person always attempts to bring me down to their childish level bc they just want any kind of attention. Even conflict. Thanks for your help Dr C

[@tomekamontegue5122]

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[@JC-wc2ws]

They can’t stand when their victims are better than them with everything including being the person they want to be. Put truth, love and yourself first. They will never change

[@NiseyT222]

I honestly can’t tell you how spot on you are with my situation. I love watching your videos.

[@juneburns1565]

Totally agree !

[@alanwood5857]

My elderly dad (late 80's) is a coward, ever since I was a kid we would butt heads. He never stuck up for me even once. I put my dukes up to him at 12 and he turned away. Coward. I later learned to not react. Backstabbing bully toxic and foul mouthed. When he goes out in public he does his people pleaser routine in hopes of filling his narcissistic supply, Mr. nice guy. When he is at his home, he is loud and obnoxious, this is how he maintains attention, not good attention, but attention. A while back, he had been telling this story over and over about making light of a drunk driver he knows who killed someone, he would actually chuckle when he told it. I worked in EMS and have encountered alcohol on people's breath at crash scenes and it's never funny. I torn a strip of him one eve at dinner and he curled up and would not look at me or speak to me. Little child coward. Never could acknowledge that I worked in EMS either!

[@melaniegonzalezart8506]

@Eternity With Christ I was thinking that too, do people technically think narcissists are actually possessed? As there is no cure and it gets worse with age if not treated

[@1Hopeinhim]

@@melaniegonzalezart8506 Jesus said that those who are not for us are against us. I think some are definitely demon possessed.

[@l.5832]

Yes. 23 years of unresolved issues. Every time I tried to discuss anything he grabbed his car keys and ran out the door, returning only after I was asleep. I was accused of being 'confrontational' any time there was something that needed discussing.

[@pamelalawhon3536]

Linda R. That is absolutely so exasperating!!!

[@jungly8103]

I thank God for giving me courage

[@perfectpeace123]

My husband is a coward because he is inconsistent. He won’t stand up for anybody.

[@crowquilltarot]

You explain this very well; all relations are a power struggle. Actually, I recognized the cowardice long before I made the connection that I was dealing with a narcissist. It was the inability to deal with any adversity and the denial of any responsibility. The Indigo Girls said it best in a song: "when it was up to you, you left it up to me..."

[@kevinwesterville2115]

My MIL is such a coward locks the door on us when I’m playing with my kids in the front yard. I live in a safe neighborhood but if something would to happen she’s like “good luck guys at least I’m safe”. It illustrates her fear and selfishness

[@ck1425]

My narc moved out of the house leaving me with all four kids. 6 months later she tells our youngest, 9, to tell me and the 3 older kids (who have gone no-contact with their mom) that she has a new boyfriend who has 3 kids he's responsible for. What is going on? Is it the old Discard of old and Supply of the new? It suprisingly doesn't even hurt much. I've lost all respect for this woman who has made no effort to reach out or apologize to our older 3 kids. Ideas? I must say I am quite happy, though. I'm a Bible-believing Christian and now my separated wife is commoting adultery and frees me from marriage. Although I fully feel narcissistic abuse, why I separated in the first place, is grounds for divorce. No one should be expected to live with an abuser of one's soul. Update: the BF's 3 kids dont live with him, his wife got all three.

[@maidmarion2976]

Stay away from her my darling. Find someone who deserves you

[@phym9998]

Sounds like my situation.

[@CharMinsky]

Your children are hurting.

[@latonyadavis1803]

Sounds exactly like my husband lol.

[@jwxo9313]

At age 15yrs old I had arranged marriages that lasted 22yrs and ended 9/15/2020. Five children I literally raised them all by myself. I’m Muslim so six months ago I blocked the fucker from my phone. Three weeks ago I divorced him Islamic laws bc that is how we got married. I’m so mad and pissed for all the people who encouraged my 22yrs of suffering to continued and lasted 22yrs and robbed from me my childhood

[@raymondgarafano8604]

I can see that, they don't have the guts to take input, They are SO afraid of being found to be wrong about things, that they don't know it all.

[@funlovinbloke6266]

That is actually I think their only side also. Because when it is time to deliver, then they are getting the hell out of...

[@TheQueensWish]

Yes and when it comes time to deliver they manifest the biggest drama fest known to mankind. They are like Briar rabbit trying to escape the briar patch.

[@jasonpowell92]

My brother

[@ilona1663]

Spot on. Had no idea at the time what I was dealing with

[@zarahdrew4056]

You hit the nail on the head, Doc. Some of these Narcs love to triangulate innocent people to be their mother, protector or otherwise strong personality type to bail their butts out of the consequences from their own shitty behavior.

[@lotsofwood]

I'm the type that wants to handle any issues immediately, lets be about doing. The rest of my family really hates that and sees it as me wanting to take charge and have my way. Their way is to just not deal with anything.

[@pamcarter6595]

The only time I seen my NARCISSIST cry is when I told him I want a divorce... NOT when we buried our first child, or when his dad died or my mother...nope not 1 tear..

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Wow, that's revealing. Dr. C

[@sirtedricwalker2979]

I've never séen one tear out of my mom's eyes...not when my dad died, or my oldest sister or my mom's best friend since 1974....not ONE tear ever.

[@keeleehudson]

My Narc mother took my children, and smear campaigned me. She abused me then accused me of abusing my children. She doesn’t love them.

[@krisscanlon4051]

The part that amazes me is the predictable nature of their moves after your time with them. They are only after what they can acquire. I pity them because they are as close to those that have some form of dementia or incurable mental illness. They can't or won't stop themselves and are in a fantasy race with their own imagination and insecurities; they are wounded abandoned children forever hurt and infected. They collect people like chess pieces.

[@minacalderon2547]

OMG....everything, you've said-hits the nail on the head. Thank you!

[@Ted1775]

Dr. Les, Thank you for also speaking about Parental Alienation. This issue needs a lot more attention. Parental Alienation is a huge problem in an already corrupt family law system that is designed to break up families and separate children. Parental Alienation is a form of child abuse and bullying and it needs to be criminally punished in the state legislatures and the courts. Children are the ultimate victims of Parental Alienation.

[@taralilarose1]

Sadly, you just described my entire family...what is left of it. Even worse is the fact that the best ones are dead.

[@sandiminkel1530]

One of the dynamics of Narcissism that was the first to catch my attention on this matter is the "We can't talk about ____, because it will only make things worse" scenario. When the group/family/relationship as a whole feels inadequate to solve a problem, the person raising the problem to light becomes the problem. Then that person is shunned, shamed, and/or silenced. I would love to hear more on this.

[@friedaneumann511]

i grew up in a family dominated by an narcissistic parent. One of the main problems was precisely the one mentioned above: addressing any problem issue only made matters worse. Anybody who speaks out against a malignant narcissist will indeed likely be shunned, shamed, silenced and bullied. I too would love to hear more about this topic from Dr. Carter Sometimes walking away is not the most evident option when you are tied into a family dominated by narcissists or involved in a family business dominated by narcissistic family members.

[@nealruth2802]

If Fear is the basis of being a Narcissist, this whole virus fear thing has really unleashed the Lion.

[@kristabell5107]

Haven’t spoken to my mum in over 2 years. All I had to do was stop making contact. She has never tried to reach out or talk about it. Before estrangement when I tried to discuss the issues she either dismissed me with “never mind “ or said I won’t lower myself to my kids level by arguing. (I’m 52). She pulls the pin, throws the grenade then runs. If you question her she won’t engage. It’s impossible to resolve anything with her. Been this way always.

[@GoogleIsAPieceOfShit2023]

You just described my mom, brothers, and sister. I decided 3 years ago that they didn’t get to be in my life 😊👍🏻

[@kristabell5107]

Catherine Gold I get it. I pulled the pin too. Some days I wish it wasn’t like this. But most days I’m glad it is. Imagine if we met - the stories.

[@Alice-fr1ef]

They are cowards and that is for sure and very dumb. They will go in the other direction when something happens to you too. They stand up for no one and will not help anyone either.

[@Aqua.A3r0]

Just you saying that they say “I just don’t like those kinds of things” OMG 😱 That is Exactly what mine says!!! Any time there’s an adult issue or someone is need of help and support, he has ZERO coping skills to do it! That was one of the first red flags and I’d never in my life experienced an adult react that way and so it COMPLETELY boggled my brain! I guess I was totally naive because I really didn’t know a single adult in my life up until this point who was totally incapable of (what I call) “adulting” 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

[@duckiegirl58]

I like the quote from Anais Nin.. We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are..

[@ThousandMask]

Probably my favorite one! Especially true for narcissist, projecting everything as they have no empathy. Incredible author

[@narcsurvivor5550]

Narcissists running for the hills to avoid talking about "other peoples problems" is so true. My narcissistic father (and church minister) likes to claim that listening to other peoples problems makes him an "emotional prostitute".

[@brucewilliams473]

Wow, this just explained everything that has happened to me in my marriage and family members. This is right on point, it was like you read my mind profile. This has happened to me 0n every level, and no compromise to it. Now I really don't feel insufficient, THANK YOU very much.

[@zeusssonfire]

It's tragic.😔 Fear, the emotion that protects a healthy, rational, integrated person, is the very emotion that prevents the disintegrated person from healing and causes so much destruction. What's especially devastating is that their emotional armor is nearly impenetrable, but the premises behind it are so irrational and fragile. Perhaps that's why so many of us are tempted to try and "reach" people who act out these negative patterns. We can see the flaws in their thinking but underestimate the protective (and chaotic) power of emotional reasoning. It's so tempting to wade through the muck to try and reach them! As a kindergarten teacher I saw firsthand how simple it was to correct these faulty premises with just a few minutes of volitional focus and empathy. Human beings are so resilient that even the tiniest glimmer of outside light at a time when their minds were more plastic could have taken these folks down a different path. Alas, they weren't given those tools, and when their time came to be responsible for themselves, they chose to hide instead of going out to find them. 🙏🏻

[@SuperGuanine]

Thank you for everything you do to help other people. Pets for Gus.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I thank you and Gus thanks you. Dr. C

[@jasonpowell92]

Yep this explains my brother to a complete term EVERY single thing You mentioned he is EVERY thing points to NARCISSISM way to exact These people can't have a good time EVER

[@jcszot]

Thank you, Dr. C. Always helpful info. This channel helps me “deal” with my brother-in-law. Without this guidance I’m almost positive that I would’ve lost the relationship I so value with my sister. I use the “Grey Rock method on him ALL THE TIME. He is a coward and he knows I’m on to him because whenever I schedule a visit he’s always gone tending to someone or something-and you know what - it works for me! 😀