Talking with People Living with Schizophrenia - Episode 3: Dating and Relationships

[@LivingWellAfterSchizophrenia]

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[@GinaLoveAguilar]

I'm schizoaffective also and 30 years ago, when I was in my early 30's, I suffered from severe paranoia and telepathy psychosis. In spite of all this, I was highly functional and successfully hid my illness while performing my job as a full-time med/surgical RN.

[@Thehealthyselfchannel]

that gives me hope thanks for telling your story

[@coconut3656]

Amen…there are people whom can’t finish nursing school or pass the test if they do finish!! What an inspiration you are SALuTE!! 🎊

[@Mr4thGeorge]

This channel has got me out of my shell and opened my eyes to much more positive outcomes for having Schizo-Affective Disorder! Please keep making videos!

[@kerrybierley1182]

I work with people with serious mental illnesses in a Day Treatment setting and have been using your videos in some of our psycho educational classes to prompt some really great discussions. Awesome content and unique perspectives!

[@michaelkennedy1080]

It's strangely comforting to know that I'm not the only one with these types of relationship fears and difficulties

[@omaribrecken7916]

a trick: you can watch movies on flixzone. Me and my gf have been using them for watching a lot of movies lately.

[@dukecamilo2041]

@Omari Brecken Definitely, have been using Flixzone} for years myself :D

[@NGorso1]

Currently I have a friend with Schizophrenia. We love each other but she doesn't want us to be together because she doesn't want to stress me with her condition. Nothing hurts me more than the idea that we cant be together and her pushing me away. I don't know what to do and how to change her mind and start accepting that I want to be with her and that I wholly accept her as she is.

[@goodlur268]

Last time I got rejected it felt like getting stabbed in the heart and i was broken, but after 5 years of looking out for myself I finally feel the need to give it another try. Thanks for the brilliant words and advise.

[@aaymathebest4705]

Don't think it's happened with you it also happen with normal people as well...they got rejected ad well....

[@amaksim]

Wow. I just wanted to say this series was so impactful to me. I do not live with Schizophrenia or Schizoaffective disorder, but I do live with bipolar depression and anxiety. The discussion in all of these topics really hit home for me even though i have a different mental illness. I have been in a few relationships that end because the person I'm with goes from compassionate and supportive about my breakdowns and my symptoms of my illness to being angry and resentful. I always think that someone will leave me due to my illness and a lot of times they have. I like what you said though, Lauren, about how you don't even want someone in your life who reacts negatively to you telling them about your illness. I really need to take a focus more like this and also waiting until I am ready for a relationship. I am currently in a lot of therapy and working on med management and I hope that in time I will be in a position where I can have a relationship and make sure it's healthy with open communication.

[@moarroz]

There's a lot of overlap in illnesses so makes sense

[@susanritchey1849]

For years I could be sitting in a room with my family...after 3 to 4 hours of them not talking to me... I would retreat to my bedroom. Supposedly, it was because they "knew I was ill". Well, at the same time...I was a supervisor at an agency...so obviously...I was pretty competent. After 14 years of that treatment I moved out of state...now I have plenty of close friends who I call, "family".

[@francescatatis4023]

I would love to hear more about having children and parenting with the illness, along with risk to passing on illness to children

[@dorissaclaire]

One tip I have for preventing a caregiver type dynamic (or even just to help validate yourself that isn’t your dynamic) is to remind what you (the ill person) bring to the relationship. How do you support them? Why do are they attracted to you? What are you adding to your partners life? Some answers might be the same (we both love each other’s sense of humor, we are physically attracted to each other) but also for both to be able to remind each other the unique things your partner adds to your life. Ex. My partner is a good advocate for me when I am in the hospital, my partner gives me fantastic advice, my partner makes me feel comforted when I have a very stressful day, my partner supports my mental health and I support their physical health, etc)

[@RaysDad]

These group discussions have helped me, and I am grateful.

[@theajayis-]

This is great and isn’t talked about ENOUGH.

[@stevesayewich8594]

Good session, Lauren. Communication is the key in all relationships. Good point about falling into the caregiver role. Honestly is always important in any relationship.

[@Steve_V1066]

Great info! Thank you so much for the information and insight into different aspects of what folks have to deal with schizophrenia. Thank you!

[@yepsirree]

That check-in day idea is brilliant :] thanks for sharing

[@midoann]

Thank you for sharing. When we stop and think about where our relationships are going with schizophrenia or not we all have these thoughts. Of course, maybe with the mental illness these thoughts are more frequent and intense. Trying to redefine important events in our life help through practicing a mindful attitude about illness ( which perfectly you 3 are doing), relationships, life, death and so on. For example, we can be open to any event specially if someone leaves. We can think ' thanks for all the years you've been with me, I'm lucky to had had someone to live with, I have learnt a lot and my partner as well from our relationship, with schizophrenia or not we all are not perfect, The good moments will warm my heart and I know I'm lovable ..." instead of negative unrealistic points of view invade your brain like " my partner is gone! I won't survive!, promises?, commitment?, ...".

[@egomaniac8510]

Married 25 years 4 years dating before that. When i was diagnosed she druygged me and had me arrested so she could leave me. She was scared and had no desire to learn how to deal with it. Funny thing is she is a lifelong care giver.

[@shystudyspy]

Wow, I’m so sorry that you had to go through that. She should have been much more understanding of at least trying to understand and learn. She must have been extremely scared to go to those lengths, which I attribute to the stigma that the media portrays.

[@MrOppy678]

I was born active and have passed all the way through psychosis (or what they believe it to be) 3 times to the fact that I had to physically burn the skin on my right arm to a sizzle in order to stay sane....(that was in my 20's) I am 46 now.From my 30's It got more mental (the things I have seen ,by just sitting down..there are NO WORDS for). Voices in my head were the LEAST of my problems ...mostly because they were there since I can remember which was about 3-4 yrs old. I have been hospitalized so many times..I cant even remember how many. I have been on dates and I have been married 3 times....but of course they all ended in disaster.I wont go into the particulars but it echoes in ALL your experiences in this vid. But here is my advice to my BEAUTIFUL sistren and brethren who are with me -"in the schiz" LAUGHTER...when telling someone your dating you have (the thing) its best to say it in a joke. Does not have to BE FUNNY...per say. But saying it in jest will OPEN someones mind to your PERIL. Usually (from my experience) it always ends in the same phrase..."oh I know about that...one of my family members has it." Then you just capitalise on the momentum and ask about that family member. (this is just ONE example tho,lol) Also I may get into trouble by saying this....but it would be recommended to NOT be religious. Not saying DO NOT believe in a higher power....but DO not resort to churches or groups that refer to god by a specific name. Schizophrenia (written by doctors) I can provide the link...has been alluded to being a prerequisite to being chosen as a SHAMAN (through blood lineage ) in the far past.(ancestor times) Of course to have VOICES in your head meant then, that those were the ancestors trying to commune with you.....but because shamans and witchdoctors are NOT NEEDED in the MODERN world then it is said that ancestors past on....and you today are left with just the echoes of husks. (something to ponder..hmmmm) anon

[@jmk1962]

Great discussion and so informative. It's definitely a partnership and I always tell my daughter 'we are a team and we'll fight this together'.

[@unperson5713]

Great video. I found these insights into relationship dynamics fascinating, helpful and a little sad. I have experienced much of what had been discussed. Education, honesty and self awareness play major roles in how a person deals with a schizophrenia diagnosis. Schizophrenia has been described to me as a "soft diagnosis" which encompases a wide variety of symptoms and conditions. I have no insight into schizoaffective disorder, I have an antisocial personality disorder. I see you have a video defining schizophrenia, which I have not watched yet, perhaps you should also do a video defining schizoaffective disorder.

[@anitagomez9100]

I believe all relationships are hard yes mental illness and relationshios is difficult but I would say is communication is everything ! I always start with my feelings first with my son because sometimes he can't tell me. And reminding somone that you will always be there no matter what even if its every single day you have to remind them ...do it !!! It will help so much , the little things are the most appreciated !!

[@rachelsmith5622]

Nice video all! Thanks for sharing that. Helps to know how people with SZ and SZA handle dating and relationships. Please be blessed!

[@adamkline1608]

I was diagnosed with Schizoaffective Disorder Manic type. I was diagnosed this a few months ago. I feel that my medicine works well. Every once in a while I will get paranoid. Mainly about money. I will get delusional thinking I can work. I recently applied for a job and couldn't do it. I get angry sometimes but not at my family like before. I dont get worried as much but I have alot of apathy. I take 234mg Invega Sustenna and 900mg of Lithium Carbonate extended release.

[@kimhunley3765]

Broke up with my schizoaffective boyfriend because he would not commit to me. After dating for a year and a half, is there any way to get him back? What should I do? I didn't realize they have commitment issues I feel bad but then he turned the breakup around to being his idea and told me it wasn't never there It just wasn't there And I don't want it I did everything for him Since then he has told me he has slept with other people I was there for him all the way I helped him with school I'd sit next to him watching TV all day when he didn't want to do anything I know we're good for each other what can I do to get him back

[@fellowcitizen]

Very valuable channel, thank you

[@waterbreather9246]

I’m not sure why I don’t date because half of me wants to. I just call it anxiety, you guys called it pain, because I get such an adrenaline rush just asking for someone’s name or trying to ask them to hangout then date. I get very anxious/scared/nervous to ask someone to hangout. I may have done that once or twice in my life only because of the pain and emotions. I think one day I will get the courage to get close enough to someone . I’m just so comfortable being alone but like I said that other half of me wants relationships and intimacy. Does anyone here have any suggestions? Therapy maybe ? I have schizophrenia btw

[@laurieberry162]

I think that I will watch podcasts about anger. I might have borderline personality disorder.

[@organizedchaos7504]

My boyfriend is schizophrenic, but he doesn’t show affection, before he did but since we found a medication that makes the voices dissipate he has not touched me, not a hug or kiss or cuddle for a year. I don’t want to put stress on him but I’m lonely I feel unwanted and depressed. Is that typical? I don’t know what to do.

[@SaraH-wt7dx]

Can you get in touch with me?

[@organizedchaos7504]

Sara Hesami sure, email? I can message you mine.

[@SaraH-wt7dx]

[e-mail]

[@cinnamonthomas3075]

You need to put yourself first and leave.

[@tankersleystribe8314]

Thanks I have never heard of flat effect.

[@rayhanehshariatmadari4666]

I am a pharmacist from Calgary, I want to contribute to your channel material, How is that possible?

[@wendybeach1036]

I wonder if two people with psychotic disorders can date each other successfully or they may simply set off each other's psychosis?

[@Jadizi]

"Hi! I'm a schizophrenic!" Just doesn't cut it. Id rather be alone.

[@RebekahLeaPhelps]

Jay is That’s not what anyone is saying to do. .

[@GinaLoveAguilar]

Hi, I'm schizoaffective!!! Is just as bad. I feel for you.

[@lovingme6896]

this is great advice for relationships in general!!!

[@shystudyspy]

Yes! I live the check-in day. Maybe I wouldn’t need it weekly, but a bi-weekly check-in day is something I will propose in my relationship (neither of us has a mental illness).

[@lilianetv1482]

Falling into the caregiver role is so hard that the other partner may end up with a mental illness themselves as some partner with schizophrenia may not always appreciate or may do things that degrade their partner especially when they are having a crisis. Its so hard to care for another human being non stop but its harder when they are absent minded and less appreciative of you. The sad thing is that most people with mental illness are very nice and so intelligent but to see them unable to use all that is in them is just so hurtful that some people end up living because it just hurts to see your partner in that light. Everyone needs to see their partner doing well and being a partner in life

[@AdlinLing]

Thanks to online dating, there are people who exist because of the internet.

[@okkansas3687]

I'm not sure if this is a good thing Between the internet and alcohol people have been born who wouldn't maybe shouldn't have been brought into existence I think tho they are part of the new breed.

[@nibussss]

I read a wiki on a woman who cut dik off and threw in Nevada desert? Maybe that's athing......a seperate relationship is good? Partners in different homes..safe space...at night no killing...?

[@brentlesheim7084]

I believe one should remain celibate until they’re married.

[@robertkeys6873]

Schizophrenia 8-6= Face.mcL

[@Vixinaful]

was with a guy that turned out to probably be schiophrenic and it. was. h e l l. my advice is don't do it.

[@deannapye9661]

I don't understand why you don't respond to my comments and questions. It's not like you have hundreds of comments. I'm dealing with a very sick daughter. Even if you just acknowledged me would be better then nothing.

[@fellowcitizen]

I understand your frustration, but vloggers don't receive notifications for every comment, and even those without complication struggle with comments sections. It's best to view the comments sections as being interactive with fellow viewers, yet suggestive to the vloggers themselves. They'll often refer to the sentiment or ideas of viewers when formulating vlogs. Here is the link to Lauren's video 'How to Support Someone with Schizophrenia/Schizoaffective Disorder' kzbin.info/www/bejne/nnvIiaeXgLuYh7c

[@ameliarivera4263]

This should be used more as a resource rather than getting answers. If you need help, you should seek out professionals, or join a support group where you can discuss more further, (even a facebook support group might help). Please understand that you can't just demand time from someone, and they do not owe it to you. I'm sorry to hear about your sick daughter, and I hope you can get the help you need.

[@RebekahLeaPhelps]

Deanna Pye Could I possibly help you? I’m on mother also with the daughter. I’m learning a lot about this myself but I would be happy to chat with you on the phone or just listen if that’s what you needed someone to do

[@kelvintse2354]

Deanna, I am a schizophrenic that has more or less defeated schizophrenia. I am a wealth of knowledge in dealing with this disability. Let me know if you have any questions.

[@deannapye9661]

@@kelvintse2354. Hi. Thank you so much for responding. That's amazing and fantastic that you've defeated schizophrenia even slightly. I hear it's a life time condition. My daughter is 44 and was diagnosed a couple of years ago. But looking back, she has had symptoms for many years. Her stress level is through the roof. She believes the voices she hears are real. These voices are malicious and threatening, telling her that she's going to be arrested and she believes every tormenting thing they tell her. She's in hell.The medication that's been prescribed has not helped. For months she's been cycling with sleeping 24/7 and or vomiting while not eating, (no appetite) . She's paranoid and absolutely miserable. The problem I see is that until she realizes that the voices are not real and part of her disease, she'll continue to live in hell and her health will continue to deteriorate. My question........ Is there something that can help her see that the voices aren't real? Sorry this is long but I thought it was important that you had a background. I would so appreciate some insight. Thank you Kelvin.