How to speak up for yourself | Adam Galinsky

[@samueldefrancolevi9005]

My personal notes. Loved the vid. Speaking Up = Power * Pushing your own interests. * Expressing an opinion. * Making an ambitious ask. Power is the range of things that you can get away with without being punished. It is very dynamic and can vary on the situation. For example: In a negotiation, who has more options? Who is willing to say no? In a debate, who has more allies? Relationships, who is more invested in the other person? Why is your range able to change? 1. When you seem powerful in your own eyes. You increase your own range. 2. When you seem powerful in the eyes of others. Other people grant you range. How to increase your range. 1. Advocate for others. Nobody will reject you for talking well about another person. Gain allies. If you do it too much it seems like you're sucking up. 2. Perspective taking. Think about what the other person wants and how you can link that to what you want. 3. Ask for advice. Make others interested about your journey. It increases your allies. 4. Give people options. Always 2. 5. Have excellent evidence. Dude, in that group, you're nobody. You have no credibility to say things without evidence. Have excellent evidence and build credibility. 6. Show passion. Passion is respectable. If you say something and it comes off as passionate, it's more likely to be received in a respectful manner. What NOT to do 1. Talk bad about others and never advocate. 2. Only thinking about yourself 3. Never asking for advice and think that you know it ALL. 4. Always say that there is ONE way to do things. Giving people only one option. 5. Saying things without evidence. 6. Being uninteresting and non-passionate.

[@Lewdenz]

Thank you

[@patagoneus1]

Thanks a lot!

[@NeicyD14]

Very helpful! Thank you.

[@ca_editor]

Thank u

[@smmn722]

Am done avoid conflicts! Am done being a doormat!

[@marydonald3453]

Cool place to be. There are always, at least, 2 people in any relationship, and BOTH matter. Right?

[@AdarshKumar-nj7rp]

Good for you.

[@rahimmahat0007]

You are missing the important part of this sentence and it's meaning. "I" is the essence of being assertive, listen to other but prioritise "yourself". Good luck

[@angelopapolis8675]

Good for you

[@sexhaver420]

Too!

[@vilma3146]

Such a powerful speech. I'm touched. Up to my early thirties, I would speak up, I was so faithful to my believes, but I was then punished, other people would revenge and make scenarios behind my back, and I was given the worst things. Then I decided to change and please people. I started to not speak up, to avoid conflicts, etc. It's been like this for some years now and I don't like it at all. I want to change it again and go back to where I was and even more assertive. When we speak up, we are brave and although people seem to dislike you, they actually admire you more for holding to your values. Now I'd rather be disliked but be myself, rather than be liked but lose myself. 💖❤

[@LeonC112]

Speaking up Means 1. Pushing one’s interests 2. Expressing an opinion 3. Making an ambitious ask We need to speck up within the "Range" to be rewarded "Range" determined by Power Avoid 1. Lower-Power double bind(unnoticed or rejected) 2. Self-promotion double bind Expand range by: 1. Speak for others, MAMA BEAR Effect 2. Perspective-taking: understand other 3. Signal flexibility: provide options 4. Gain Allies: get social support 5. Ask for advise 6. Show Passion

[@TRDanaa]

Thanks💎

[@hosninafti8452]

Thank you

[@fayasputhukkudi1067]

Love you

[@ScoopingCelebrities]

I loved this thanks

[@rffm1879]

Have my own notes, but thanks :3

[@Sofia-bl9cb]

1) advocate for others 2) perspective taking (what do others really want?) 3) give more options (signal flexibility) 4) earn allies by advocating for others and asking others for advice (even for self promotion with our accomplishments) 5) show your expertise by showing your passion

[@sultannurdaulet6592]

Thank you. I was just gonna write it down

[@nikhilchaudhary7706]

Mortals doing godman work♥️

[@ricemenarq6230]

SO WHEN IS TED GONNA GO OUT ON STAGE AND SPEAK UP FOR HIMSELF!??!!!?

[@zestycatlady3076]

Chest Pec Respect ha

[@TheGranti7a]

Chest Pec Respect He periodically does.

[@giveme10millionsubscribers86]

Lol 🤣

[@jasminmenzies9759]

Hahahaha

[@ElectricityTaster]

WHEN THE AUDIENCE IS TEDDYBEARS!!!

[@epsilonright]

13.55 he got emotional. Passion and expertise of speaker!

[@angellalee5501]

That is wonderful how you said we can advocate for others to find our own power and voice. I needed to hear that!

[@rowebil00]

4:20 I can relate to this “you’re damned if you do, damned if you don’t.” The other day I was thinking “if I speak up I’m wrong and I regret it. If I don’t speak up, someone always says the thing I wanted to say. Then I wish I would have spoke up.”

[@TheNikki284]

I've been debating whether or not to ask a friend for some advice on my situation. I trust his advice but didn't want to "bother" or "burden" him. This video helped me decide to ask him. Thank you.

[@jonathan3372]

Nice, how did it go?

[@katannanat]

This is by far the best TEDTalk I’ve ever heard.

[@rhettpeter83]

I really like Cassie Jayes “meeting the enemy” and Norah McInerney’s “we don’t move on from grief we move forward with it”

[@salavila9244]

I can never find the words to stand up for myself.

[@sixthsense8836]

Sal Avila remember.... you have a right to your feelings. You can say how you FEEL

[@maritzatapia8066]

Same

[@michellerenee5028]

rule #1. Keep your emotions & feelings out of it. Believe me, the words will come

[@ericcruz-quintero6778]

Just let it come out how ever it comes out eventually with experiece you will get better at it

[@daymenpollet4202]

@@michellerenee5028 lol, ignoring your emotions and feelings is really dumb.

[@Ankahikahani78]

I struggle with speaking up infront of my in laws when they’re kissing / passing my baby around like she’s a toy, when I did speak up there was a massive argument. I’m so sick of this people pleasing attitude and want to get rid of it.

[@MrGuidoCaligiore]

1) Advocate for others; 2) Perspective-taking; 3) Signal flexibility; 4) Gain allies; 5) Ask others for advice; 6) Display expertise; 7) Show passion.

[@tlw9219]

THANKS TED. I am currently suffering from depression. I agreed with him. My boyfriend told me to pull myself up and stop sugar coating my life relying on him last night. I needed power.

[@manonmartin5990]

Thank You Adam, from the bottom of my heart.

[@tphvictims5101]

YOU'RE DAMNED IF YOU DO, AND DAMNED IF YOU DON'T. why second guess EVERYTHING?

[@reinemazidath5466]

Thank for this phrase . It is really like that . If you dont speak your mind and internalise this is going to be very bad for you at a long term , probably be sick .If you do , people are going to curse you out , reject you etc... so rather do it directly , nothing to lose .

[@elizabethcastillo3315]

Exactly. 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@AdrianaGirdler]

Love this breakdown. So important to understand when and how we feel most powerful and how to express ourselves effectively. Cheers!

[@yolandagrabowski6043]

Now to speak up to tell people not to touch my shoulders.

[@Julie-7605]

With Bullying there is rarely evidence and people are too scared to be your strong allies. Sometimes you just have face being a pariah because it's a lot more dignified than a whipping boy.

[@vilma3146]

Victor Hugo has said: If I speak up, I'm punished. If I stay silent, I'm pushed around.

[@rstjx3j183]

Thank you for sharing. Know how difficult that was when making reference to your dad. His passion and legacy lives on through you helping others. Thank you both for your inspiration.

[@Firegen1]

I'd loved most of this. However, one thing I have learnt is the "advice" advice can be unhelpful if the more powerful person is useless at explanation. It actually helped me to drop certain people off their pedestal because while charismatic they were poorly read or mentally lazy. It did make me feel less low.

[@lilyjubilee6596]

I just used the perspective taking with a friend during a fight and IMMEDIATELY the atmosphere of the conversation shifted and became more understanding and less toxic... SO CRAZYYYYY!!!!

[@Daniel-wb6yl]

I’m in a delusion of that when I’m right by logic, I have a lot of “power”, so that keeps me on getting “punishments” or “rejections” in some particular ways in life. Thanks for pointing it out for me, Adam.

[@mateuszkogut2370]

7:13 - "perspective taking is really simple". 7:32 - "...perspective taking is hard to do". Its not me finding a fault...it is a nice concept tho, could be utilized in everyday's life and Adam is intelligent guy. Nice work man!

[@ShigginDaulf]

Something can be simple while simultaneously being difficult. What I mean is that the *concept* of taking perspective is simple but putting it into practice may be difficult depending on the individual

[@rajivcr]

One of the most beautiful talks... worth listening as many times

[@hvelavan1]

This is one of the best TEd talks I have listened to

[@tinathompson591]

AMEN🙏 I've learned to keep quiet! Keep PEACE in my HEART❤ SHOW FAITH! KINDNESS to OTHERS👍👍👍

[@joesandstrom4111]

Keeping quiet is not necessarily being assertive, but it can be in some cases. Being assertive is about communicating while going after what you want and deserve. Both silence and being assertive are in the realm of free will. And sometimes being assertive is more kind and peaceful than remaining silent through faith alone.

[@idkyiexist3534]

E

[@joaninha3484]

Very good talk. I definitely agree with the Mama Bear effect. The only time I was confident enough to negotiate a good pay offer was when I'd just had a newborn and was thinking about supporting them. Need to channel that more.

[@patrickoneill1993]

Thank you for this vital talk. I believe this information will prove useful to a myriad of people; the concepts seem universally applicable and useful.

[@knownstranger2570]

This channel doesn't ask us to like and subscribe, we just do it

[@rowebil00]

This video is great. It goes into everything I’ve been conflicted with recently.

[@joshuatran1556]

I have been listening to TED talks for a while, but this is hands down the best one I have heard since Simon Sinek's How Great Leaders Inspire Action

[@Victoria-bo9xk]

Joshua Tran j

[@goodgirlj]

Thank you so much sir for your great talk!!!!! 😊😊😊

[@marydonald3453]

Love the passion of your presentation, and its brevity.

[@SinnohX]

Useful. Going to work on expanding my range of acceptable behavior. Time to hit the books.

[@micheldupont4099]

Excellent and very useful advice. Thank you very much:)

[@SethEscalante]

This is very clear and helpful, thank you for this! ❤

[@francolandra2455]

Excellent video - thank you for publishing it.

[@cloudyreader1152]

It was a pleasure to hear him..

[@alyaa1308]

i really love this talk!

[@scottallen1422]

I have a problem mumbling, people often hear what they want. Other times I get weird looks or I can tell they heard something different than I said. Interesting video, always feel smart after watching these. Can't wait till I have baby so I can tell my Dr off. My brother doesn't have job, so can't get him fired. So that's good. Can't wait till he does.

[@lili4ka25]

I love this presentation!!

[@DrawArt14]

Thank you TED your channel is benifit.

[@Ace-od8en]

much amaze

[@RealGairos]

Now I really want to know what the counter offer was, considering it led to the company withdrawing their offer!

[@repawnd1]

Maybe just making a counter offer is what made them withdraw, in other words the contents of the offer may not have been the issue. But yeah, would be interesting to know more.

[@lloydherry9948]

Gairos W

[@TheGranti7a]

Gairos If that was also an important detail to the point of this talk... it would have been included.

[@m.kizikuabu2679]

I'm curious too :) Considering they even found it offensive?! ... probably twin brother asked them for a higher number plus threw in some 'choice' word too lol

[@beerkenstein]

He just said the counteroffer was OK, and I believe him; the problem was the mere existence of a counteroffer, not what it contained. High power players often think if they make an offer it's a grace to the other person, they get mad even if you dare to refuse, not to mention bargaining. It's because they do not deem you an equal, like that peasants should not make counteroffers to nobles.

[@How.Dare.You.]

brilliant. thank you

[@siaxiong333]

This was an amazing video. I know this because the video finished really fast despite being 15minutes.

[@gnotifyinga]

I like him alot!

[@majidsayed8]

Excellent, Loved the zeal and enthusiasm.

[@dfragger1377]

Thank you.

[@phoenixreborn6194]

i used to be good at this, i even advocate for friends and other people. I was nturally shy, but i can stand for myself and others...then social anxiety came.... i need to fix this!

[@jonathanthomas6990]

Im physcially strong but verbally i am weak and so tired of it words always hurt me more than a punch to the face.

[@monicap8208]

Yes❤

[@6kwecky6]

Really good talk! the more I think about this, the more I can think of ways to use this in another way. Getting a job, making a good impression on new and old friends, gaining respect from lecturers etc. Thanks for sharing Adam!

[@Liberty969]

The whole reason I watch Ted Talks is to learn and listen for advice from people from all walks of life.... Finding allies every now and then is a heartwarming delight.... How can one know what their perspective is when it's unclear who "they" are? Wouldn't it be wise to know what their agenda is first? I can only second guess, and for all I know, I'm dealing with the devil himself. Why would I want to cooperate and play games with evil? And the only reason I say evil, is because of the sadistic nature of their games. This love/hate approach and double speak is not helping either, perhaps intentionally so. Damn if you do, damn if you don't.......I don't know what they want, what I'm suppose to do, who I'm suppose to be, and the best part is, somehow this is all my fault? I need serenity nowwwww....... I should take up and learn Buddhism coz they seem to be more tolerant and even encourages people to seek truth based on their own path and life experience. Namaste 🙏

[@miriami7]

Great talk! Thank you!

[@amanmagar2117]

Thank u for insightful vedio.lot of Learning from your talk .this would really helpful

[@suerobb6597]

Very nice talk, Adam. I especially enjoyed the quote from your father and how you tied it into the end of your presentation. I am an advocate for Developmentally Disabled Individuals and agree wholeheartedly with your perspective. Thank you, for a most enjoyable presentation! :)

[@lijithl7703]

Wow! Real informative talk!

[@Continental123-i2n]

Excellent Tips. Thank You .

[@openreflections4738]

great video

[@marcuscarter6283]

GOD didn’t give us a spirit of fear nor did he make any person walking this earth more important than you. You have the right to stand up for yourself in any situation and should never feel as if you can’t.

[@unreeel2105]

I really enjoyed your talk! thank you

[@_suki_]

Thank you!

[@mylan8651]

Very interesting talk, but it made me wonder, especially considering the mama bear effect, his advice is basically that for women to overcome these stereotypes in negotiations, they have to consider the position of the other, but doesn't that confirm and reaffirm the stereotypical idea for women that they should always care for and look after others? And doesn't that already cause women to become subassertive and make more concessions during negotiations most of the time?

[@hindsightwithyeshua]

Love this! Thank you!

[@onlygodcreates9500]

This is such an empowering topic

[@_suki_]

This is very true!

[@lindaw140]

Advocate for others!!!!

[@coreycheng9926]

thank you

[@micheleinacharles-hazellem1968]

This is brilliant

[@sajanraghavan]

so beautiful. Thank you

[@amalia5549]

Great speech!

[@Sofia-bl9cb]

so interesting and insightful, i'm glad i clicked

[@allthingzhairbyro2787]

that was beautiful.

[@thecattoldmetodoit4329]

What do you do when you finally speak up but they don’t listen or change....what then?

[@B6kmd]

Good question. I'd like to know the answer to that too.

[@samuelbirch6817]

be persistent, keep asserting your needs. It also depends on the context of when, where and why.

[@jacknapier6525]

Pessimist and cynic got no chance

[@ei9087]

You can't change people..you can ask them, but your request won't always be granted and that's normal.. however you should always have a consequence in mind .. for example if your brother will keep judging your living conditions , you'll no longer allow him to step a foot in your home. It's not about controlling others, but it's about controlling your actions.

[@beerkenstein]

Press harder, but avoid personal insults. In one project I was responsible for, I politely told my superior several times that we should make certain changes to improve things, but he always ignored my suggestions. I got enough, and after one such occasion I said to him with some passion, "OK, but if we don't do anything I will not be able to continue this". He got mad then, but the next day we finally started to discuss my suggestions on the merits , because he realized I'm the only competent person he can rely on in this matter, and without me the project will get stuck eventually.

[@monkeyonfire13]

I just want to say there are only certain channels that I'll watch a commercial all the way to then end for.

[@jagadeeshgurana4490]

Excellent..

[@elviscio83]

Very interesting, thank you. Much more than I expected from reading the title

[@ebonymerajka8879]

that was awesome sauce 🔥

[@Continental123-i2n]

Can you give an example of advocating for another--- and how that helps yourself at the same time - as far as speaking up?

[@pyr666]

was expecting more "oh the poor women" talk. was pleasantly surprised. this is what we need more of. empowerment supported by facts.

[@dharshanirathnayake8597]

Yay! Loved it!

[@Zahlenteufel1]

Oh so I just have to solve my problems to solve my problems. Well, that's easy...

[@maritzatapia8066]

And sometimes like that...we get more problems

[@beerkenstein]

But how you try to solve them can make a difference.

[@TheNetstaar]

Great talk 🤩

[@sunshinepurple1043]

I agree this works but it's VERY important to remember it doesn't work with everyone or in all situations. I've used this technique in numerous job interviews. If your audience has an ism, all the negotiation tactics in the world aren't going to win them over.

[@barrytheiguana675]

What’s an ism

[@jaket5751]

Competency will get you up and moving. Power alone can destroy you.

[@steveandmarniecooper4522]

Jim Burns discussed the 4 different types of parents in the early 90s. The consulting parent gives options to their parents. I'm sure it was discussed and written about long before Jim Burns.

[@musicm1874]

Thanks

[@khoihoang7032]

Great talk

[@linfang8024]

Wow!

[@ThomasRasinen]

Great talk! 👏

[@saloni2117]

amazing talk

[@therobertnewsshow]

Very good!

[@mohdshadmanansari9164]

wonderful.

[@Zetsuke4]

Greta speech, very helpful

[@Esra132]

Excellent!

[@lake2358]

his kid's 4 or 5 years old now wow time flies

[@katemodiba8562]

This is incredible!

[@UsagiRebL]

What does it mean about perspective if one drew the E in the readable manner for others and not ourselves?

[@Phantom-ez4zv]

I cant speak about myself , i usually end up listening to people