Unmasking ADHD | Hayley Honeyman | TEDxSFU

[@hayley.honeyman]

It was an absolute pleasure sharing my experience with unmasking. I wish the 10 year old in the Hallway on a verge of a panic attack could see me now 🥺💛

[@RJ.Messi1]

Proud of you :) , I can't imagine how daunting do a ted talk is. And thank you for giving such an amazing talk

[@ThatElfTorunn]

Love this! Honestly, your TEDtalk is probably my favourite. Thank you, for putting the things I have gone through in words I never could, neurospicy fam. I don't feel as alone as I used to, thanks to people like you Hayley.

[@hayley.honeyman]

@@ThatElfTorunn 😭 thank you so much

[@Liolia22]

Beautifully done, so grateful to have found you on YT in the past year, and to be learning this aspect of your story 🤍 seeing you on this major stage is wonderful! Wish the audience were more responsive to your humor, what a flat crowd… But YOU rocked, Hayley!!

[@anonamouse.p4115]

Brava HAYLEY. what a Ted Talk debut! A supa dupa well done from Ireland with love and total acceptance to your unmasked self. I am a Subscriber to your YT channel and gain insight into myself, my best friend, and those around me who have ADHD x!

[@Ananalias]

"When you live the most foundational years of you life behind different masks, you never really become a whole person." - I am crying. I was one of those thriving kids, intelligent, kind and hardworking. I have a good and supportive family. I could never find a reason why after beginning to struggle in early adulthood, it never really stopped being hard. I am a very well-reflected person, but this sentence is the explanation I couldn't come to by myself. Thank you for making us feel seen, Hayley❤

[@leaf2309]

Deciding to unmask is a commitment to vulnerability on the highest level !☆

[@BebbaDubbs]

I stared in 2018... WiP and SO worth it!

[@honeymoonavenue97]

Seriously I sometimes mask even when alone

[@carabousoandso2648]

I sat down with my afternoon tea and toast, stoked to see my favorite KZbinr had done a TedTalk. I did not expect to be bawling into my tea for 15 minutes. Hayley, your channel, which I only discovered a few weeks ago, has already made such a difference in my life. This spoke to me... beyond words. I was diagnosed as autistic and ADHD at 32 years old. At 37, I am deep in the unmasking process. It is terrifying, and confusing, and some days I don't know how I make it through. But I want you to know, you inspire me. Your words make a difference. Feeling seen is such an important aspect, and you make me feel seen.

[@raehawkins7655]

really cool to see you using a fidget during your presentation! wish it was more common and socially acceptable

[@Micky_Papa]

You absolutely killed it Hayley! Was an honor to share the stage with you that night 🙏🏽

[@hayley.honeyman]

Thanks Micky!! You as well!!

[@Stephstar80]

I always thought I had the super power of "blending in" and "adapt" to people...... Now I know, I was masking!! 😂 😂 😂

[@ANNAOQUENDO-z1t]

Absolute truth!!! I thought being a chameleon was a super power…turns out it was masking and code switching ! Discovered I had ADD st 40!!!!! Such a game changer

[@noname-eu8uu]

After finding Hayley on KZbin, my life changed! no therapist i went to (in germany) really understood my struggles or could really dive in to solutions i would have needed. Thanks to Hayley i can heal and reset my mindest around myself and other struggles i face. I see my ADHD problems with more humor and love ♥ Thank you so so much and finally it was possible to see the TEDtalk yay!🥳

[@tea_and_guyliner]

Same for me. It's so hard to even find a therapist who even remotely knows more about ADHD and autism than the DSM-V or ICD-10 talk about. 🙄

[@anunc8797]

If you ever try again, I would absolutely recommend finding a therapist who has ADHD themselves. Neurotypicals just do not get it on average.

[@VioletEmerald]

Despite the audio difficulties i love this TedxTalk! You did such an amazing job! I'm a big fan of you on KZbin and I'm so glad you're out there representing us ADHD women in such a powerful and relatable way.

[@wonderwend1]

Ironically distracting for the adhd peeps 🤣

[@CatCopeland2006]

I'm actually crying. I've been watching your videos for so long. I needed to hear this today. Thank you Hayley.

[@lolle1991]

Same thing here ❤️ Thank you so much for your bravery!

[@mintwee]

This really feels like it was meant for me, and left me with a tight feeling in my chest. I got my official diagnosis yesterday at 30 years old, and I'm ready for change.

[@mallikarjunv5]

I hope this TEDx talk reaches audience around the world who can relate to what Hayley has gone through and what they themeselves have gone through having ADHD.

[@andreamikkelsen3187]

Hayley, you truly are a hero to the Neurodivergent community! I, too, went through almost exactly what you described, down to being a victim of abuse. It led me to finally feel more comfortable taking off my mask. Ironically, I collect carved wooden masks that I hang on the wall. Maybe it's symbolic or something. Anyway, you are the $hit 😊 Thank you so much for sharing your story and wisdom. Keep on being your beautiful self❤ 💗

[@MelissityMel]

Congratulations on your Ted Talk. I love that you got to show up in Pompeii as your authentic self while your inner child got to explore that intense interest in a positive way. You are beautiful and a great content creator, love your work. Thank you ❤🙏

[@arnoldandujar4893]

Everyone should listen to this

[@ChrisMWilson]

Awesome Hayley! What a great talk and way to spread awareness about what you are doing. It was an honour to share the stage with you! 😊🎉

[@CatVetNele]

I wasn't diagnosed with ADHD untill I was 35 years old (about a year ago), boy oh boy have the pieces of the puzzle fell into place! I do have to say, I'm still struggling a bit with it. Actually more than before, since I figured it was just my personality. And I had completely come to terms with that, but I was struggling with the overwhelm of having 2 small kids. That's when I started digging and got diagnosed. I still haven't figured out what it means to me, why it has changed so much of how I feel about myself... still finding out how to find my balance again, like before I knew...

[@andrealopcon]

I'm literally crying right now. That's all I want.

[@anncherlow7117]

ADD didn’t exist when I was young. OK, it afflicted millions, but I don’t know if clinicians had invented it as a “thing.” When I first encountered the term I was probably 40, and I didn’t think the diagnosis referred to me because I never had the hyperactive part. (But boy do I relate to your refrigerator comment!) Once I realized there was a group of people who were not hyperactive, but had most of the other behaviors, I thought I had the condition. And when I learned that hyper-focusing and improved concentration in a loud and bustling environment were also characteristic of ADD I knew I had it. I got confirmation from a psychiatrist when I was about 55, and have benefited tremendously from therapy and from Concerta/methylphenidate. I continue to learn from books and research and recently from videos - yours in particular. Congratulations on this excellent talk. BTW I haven’t heard you talk about medication, though I haven’t searched for this topic in your archive. I hope you’re not opposed to using this type of help. Now that I realize what a huge audience you have (all earned! go YOU!) maybe you can help: There has been a major shortage of concerta and adderal for at least 2 years now - very stressful - drug manufacturers/distributors aren’t trying hard enough to fix this!) Please take care of yourself.

[@Monkgawa]

This talk hit me in places I did not know existed. Thank you Hayley for your vulnerability! I went down the exact path you described.. finding your videos on KZbin have lead me to realize that I have been masking my entire life.. so long that I don’t even remember how or when it began. I’m now in the process of getting an adhd diagnosis but even more importantly, now I can show myself compassion for my struggles with time blindness, task initiation, all the ADHD things. Your work and art have changed my life. I am forever grateful to you. ❤ thank you

[@sarah7171m]

I was diagnosed when I was 32 ,after destroying everything my life,no friends, no career, no boyfriend, no money .. I started the medication and therapy, medication helped me a lot ,the therapy I feel like it was a waste of time,she was doing nothing except listening most of the time ! I didn't learn anything from her ,life was a real struggle and still ,time management and punctuality are still out of control unfortunately,1 year ago I meet someone who fell in love with me ,he accepted my imperfections and reactions,never blamed me for my impulsivity or any other behavior, we still together ❤️, he made me understand myself and getting more confident, I'm leaving my actual job ,leaving all the career behind me ,that was never me ,I did it just to make my parents happy,I started a new program, and new business and new chapter in my life . Life was never that calm and happy ❤

[@andypianoman]

This is the only video I've watched at regular speed in years. I felt this video deserved this. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us. Also thank you for all the wonderful content you make. You've helped more people than you know. 😭😭❤️❤️

[@hayley.honeyman]

As someone that watched all videos in 1.5x speed… That is the highest compliment 🥺 thank you for the love!!

[@tea_and_guyliner]

FOR FUCK'S SAKE THIS WAS SO AMAZING! I ALMOST CRIED! AHHHHHH! *excited screaming* Thanks for sharing your authentic and weird self with us! I learned so much through watching your videos on YT and Instagram alone and I frequently pass them along my neurodivergent found family. I also feel like unmasking as AuDHD made me grow closer to the people that matter and that truly support me. My blood family doesn't validate my struggles even though I try to explain a lot and also give context as to why I wasn't diagnosed as a kid. They simply act both my diagnosis didn't happen. I'm constantly hearing the famous "But that's how everyone is / feels" even from relatives who exhibit CLEAR CUT ADHD symptoms. When I was 18 I moved 300 miles away from them. I'm now 24. I think I really wanted to get out of there even though I didn't have the language to name the reasons or perspective to know how emotional it support from close people looks like. I'm so glad I got out of there. I was back there two weeks ago and istg such a sad lump of dysfunctional people who constantly belittle and force each other to suppress their needs, boundaries and emotions. I feel sad for them but I'm past the point of trying to fix them. I can't fix anyone, I can only hope that living my truth makes some people understand how important it is that we as a society continue to talk about neurodivergence and that we push for more equality until we all can live a safe and comfortable life. I got a little off track. 😅 Anyways, it's been so amazing to hear your TED talk. Lots of love and appreciation ❤

[@lolaablooom]

Thank you so much Hayley, you help me so much to understand and accepting myself as an AUDHD girl freshly diagnosed. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU

[@emilysmith2784]

Oh the mic rattle is very distracting. Seen this on a few Ted Talks. Wish they would invest in better ones.

[@hayley.honeyman]

Didn’t even know this was a problem! Looking at it I think my earring was hitting the mic. Super frustrating!

[@Dedreea]

Sound problems has made me stop watching their talks before. For something that's all about talking not giving the speakers proper equipment is just unbelievable...

[@Liolia22]

Yeah, it’s a bummer. TED has the funding, they need to do better for these brave presenters. Luckily, as you keep listening & tune into her words, which are easy to follow yet meaningful, the clicking kind of fades into the background more.

[@imapineapple15]

I think it's because her earrings are hitting the mic arm. I have seen this with a nobel prize one with his glasses. It's so simple, make sure nothing is touching the mic.. How many Ted talks have happened? Yes their independently run, but come on is this the first time the organizers have used a mic like this?

[@henriettelegde8518]

@Liolia22 Well, tell this to someone with ADHD…:-/ NOT WORKING!!!!

[@mydogsareneat]

Never in my life did I get gutteral joy from seeing a ted talk title. Finally ❤❤

[@mydogsareneat]

AND. Its Hayley. Shes such a good voice.❤

[@rebeccaparris7920]

@@mydogsareneat😊

[@DakotaW90]

This is such an important topic I think everyone in the community should see. I can relate to this so much and Hayley's videos have been life changing for me ❤ truly an amazing human, well done Hayley.

[@BeautybytheBei]

I have watched at least 5 ted talks on ADHD and each one I cried.

[@aliciaosban2260]

Hayley, you are amazing! Thank you for sharing and being so vulnerable. This talk made me cry. I've done a bunch of your workshops, but I think it's time for the unmasking workshop....

[@modernsam2347]

Wow that 20,000 number hits. And is a really good reminder for me as a dad to not contribute towards that number when my own ADHD feels overwhelmed.

[@jessraz6]

Omg Hayley you have unlocked a really important door for me in understanding HOW I have masked my whole life and the severe anxiety, overthinking and worrying its caused me and how that's related to my inattentive adhd AND how the masking is quite literally the cause of the anxiety. Masking has honestly been the root issue of so many struggles I've faced that I didn't previously have the answer for. For so many years (going to therapy) I've been trying to understand why I felt so happy and free as a kid but as I grew life, school, jobs, all of it progressively became harder to manage (more so for me than for the average person). For the longest time I felt like a failure and that I wouldn't achieve anything/ haven't achieved anything significant. Unmasking has been a difficult journey for me but listening to your ted talk has given me the tools and understanding and has honestly even inspired me to raise awareness for others too

[@MartellaNutella]

Sobbing 😭 I also didn’t get diagnosed until I was 24 Whenever I hear about adhd stories I feel so seen & understood. ❤

[@pennylanewildflower4471]

Ive been patiently waiting for this talk to be uploaded. Haley has opened my eyes to a whole new world of being. Currently learning to unmask is a little less terrifying with you cheering me on through instagram, and your youtube content. I knew I would love this TedTalk but it was even better than I dreamt ❣️ Keep being your amazing self!love, Andrea

[@weird_foggy_person]

This was great to listen to, loved it!. As someone with ADHD I really relate so strongly to this and feel encouraged and hopeful by it and that these ideas can spread beyond the ADHD community.

[@roxannewrites911]

Your words broke me and built me back up. Thank you so so much. ❤

[@emilypeppers748]

Beautifully honest Hayley! Thank you. As a woman at 46 just realising and being diagnosed with ADHD, your struggles made sense to me. All the weird and unique little puzzle pieces suddenly made sense in my life and I understand myself better than I ever have. I'm thinking about those masks, I haven't even quite identified them yet, so your visualisation exercise at the end was very powerful for me. It was great to have it explained so simply and well! Great job!!!

[@blondefisk]

LOVE the pants

[@SweetEssie]

4:30 I wish I was 22. You still have your whole life ahead of you. You can do great things. I just got an official diagnosis at 38. I have been trying to pick up my meds for a month for the first time.

[@graciehansen5026]

Truly, thank you Hayley.☀️💛

[@poneyfeathersart1442]

I've been encouraged so many times, Haley, by following your channel on Instagram. I wasn't diagnosed until my late 20's. I'm still in the process of learning who I am. Thank you for your bravery. This world needs you. ❤

[@shoshanaeri8035]

You absolutely nailed it Hayley! I watch your KZbin channel like you mentioned, for relatable AdHd content (and tips/knowledge). Didn't know you were an amazing public speaker too!!! Amazing talk. thanks for sharing it with the world!

[@shonasutley4420]

Oh my heart… 💗 I’ve watched several of your videos but this one touched me deeply and seems to be confirming how much I mask my true emotions and true self (which I’ve been thinking a lot about lately). Thank you for your vulnerability and for sharing your delightful self with the world. 💝

[@Violetiyes]

Thank you So much for talking about it. I can relate so much 🤗 Hugs to those who feel alone or misunderstood 🤗

[@jeremyhershberger3012]

Unmasking still in progress at 43 years old and diagnosed at 8 years old. 😜 For context I am a researcher, and public speaker with a masters degree. In most settings I can be myself but I find it hard to know how to be myself and let others be themselves at the same time.

[@aspentree62]

You are so incredible Hayley! This made me cry 😭 congratulations! ❤️❤️

[@dotcassilles1488]

Awesome talk! I do that thing with the fridge all the time. My brain can't seem to work out how to get ingredients to come together to make something to eat unless I have a written plan, not just a recipe. I recognise the way I put on masks as well, especially around my family. I've always been told I'm too sensitive and too quiet. My family don't want to see the truth because then they would have to change their beliefs about me, their behaviour and might have to start taking responsibility for their actions and the way they talk to me. They would have to change the stories that they tell themselves and each other. They might even have to change their unrealistic expectations. At the moment they don't listen or try to minimise my feelings and what I live with. I live with a list of chronic health challenges that may be managed better but that I will have to treat/manage the rest of my life. The health challenges limit what I am able to do and I'm basically housebound at the moment and on a long journey of recovery from being bed bound. My family continue to deny that many of the symptoms I struggle with daily exist, any help they offer is minimal and often when I ask for help I'm told I'm not that sick, I should be doing it myself, etc. I have felt for a long time that any family interaction occurs so they can say that they helped, as a duty or a task on a check list done out of family duty. I suspect that I have ADHD or something similar on top of my diagnosis of rapid cycling treatment resistant bipolar spectrum disorder. So I'm learning what adhd is, what I can do to help myself and slowly implementing techniques to help me manage. Thankyou for speaking. Blessings from South Eastern Australia, Dot

[@قادمةمنبعيدبعيد]

كن قويا ومؤمن بالله وثق أنه رحيم عظيم سيوفقك ويجعلك سعيدا

[@Witchclits]

Beautifully done👏 so relatable ,so much love for you!

[@sophies503]

Great statistics and information you shared ❤ Yep, I'm ADHD diagnosed at 37! But I had been wondering since I was maybe 15 years old. A mask on all the time. It broke me when I was on projects with no structure... and not cooperating and ignoring co-workers. So I pushed the diagnosis. I was dying to get those meds while awaiting the appointments and report. Just to try to be like the others. I've been thinking madly about visiting Pompei this summer!! 😂😂😂

[@GabrielaColicigno]

Hayley, you are wonderful. Thank you for this

[@skbee6]

The song Best Imitation of Myself by Ben Folds to me encapsulates so very well my masking experience. I have zero idea if this was Ben Folds' meaning for this song, but I connect SO much to the lyrics!

[@left_eyebr0w]

So interesting, thanks for sharing !!

[@MaryHamerMusic]

Legit made me cry 😭 Thank you, dearheart ❤

[@hannah51238]

Congratulations Hayley! Great job!

[@fireforger9192]

Thank you for doing what you do, I am in my 50s still undiagnosed but your story has helped me to seek help and at least lower the mask. Please keep going👍

[@blondefisk]

My ADHD cant focus because of the odd knocking sound

[@mallikarjunv5]

I agree with what you say. I had discomfort with the knocking sound. But soon, I was able to concentrate and complete watching the whole video. I hope your ADHD leaves you with some peace for a while and may you pay attention to this beautiful talk. Wishes of positivity and hope for you. Regards from a brother from another mother.

[@FunkyPunker]

@blondefisk I think it’s her earring against her microphone

[@evolve2k]

It was driving me crazy. Great video but the knocking made it so hard to watch.

[@michelleborowski923]

So incredibly powerful! Thank you for sharing your story. I know so many people can relate. Coming from another kid told to wait in the hall. 💜💙💖

[@limalicious]

My mom threw away my elementary papers a few years ago. Based on my ratings for behavior, I could see where the mask started. I was diagnosed at 7 because my brother is Autistic and my mom knew something was off. My 2nd grade teacher was also ADHD, and she was the one who pushed my mom to take me for assessment. Problem was, my school didn't give e a 504, so when I hit middle school and was struggling, my counselor yelled at my MOM, why doesn't this kid have a 504?! My mom told her to talk to my elementary school counselor. They did. They literally called them and yelled at them.

[@costicle123]

Yeah, you are right, there’s a lot of us adhders out there! Stuff being quiet, let’s show them what we can do!

[@Pika-yh5di]

Thank you so much Hayley 💛

[@Teddy143Fresa]

Life is being in a cave under water, Hayley, watching this was finding a pocket of air

[@costicle123]

I’m 52 and just realised I have ADHD. It’s mind boggling

[@bedhead-studio]

Thanks for sharing!

[@louiseyoung1231]

Awesome. Thank you for sharing. I'm working on unmasking ❤

[@EllisBestFriend101]

"When someone doesn't like the mask we put on, we'll put on a new one"-Damn

[@HeatherCashArt]

Hayley you are amazing!

[@vivianlawler4572]

This hurts to watch, at 40 I am only now discovering this. Letting the mask go is one of the hardest things and it's still a struggle.

[@honeymoonavenue97]

I feel so broken when I’m in front of my guitar teacher not being able to focus on the chords even though I’ve played it before. I’m so creative and music and books are the love of my life. I believe in myself and my dreams but having only “normal” people around me who put crazy expectations on me hurts. I get told I’m “too much” by the narcissists in my life often. I’m too much myself. I am too much ambitious. Too “unrealistic.” Well it’s people like us, the ones who are “too much” who have beautiful brains, hearts, & creative careers.

[@justbeegreen]

I’m having a hard time not being distracted with the tapping. For the love of G, Tedx - invest in better audio. ❤AUDHD woman diagnosed @ 48.

[@handlemonium]

Yeah wireless mic alternatives for the win!

[@cetvies-author-writer]

what they might have tried to say, is that you are too loud for me, my own brain adapting, to be able to its jobs properly....so becoming less towards someone might just be essential adaptation to their own possibility at just breathing and evolving.

[@noaarbel4102]

Thank you Hayley :)

[@asmamohammed6667]

i don't remember masking not even now and I'm grateful for that as a kid now i know they loved me anyways . the things i want to change are things i can't do at all and the personality part was a loved part of me . yes loud but yet can't mask how loud i am and i struggled with having friends that do not want to accept that part of me (all parts) i don't mind it but i hated rejection so i came here to know if actually mask or not and turned out i don't even want to or accept masking becouse it too boring and if you don't like it i don't like you either

[@mallikarjunv5]

@hayley.honeyman, what was the font type that you used in the slide where "Unmask the mind" is written ?.

[@Skunk6977]

Sorry, absolutely awesome talk all the same. I completely relate. Still do at 45.

[@SamuelBond-o4t]

hi, loved this talk, very inspirational, could you please let me know what that fidget toy is, cus that looks like it could be very useful :).

[@Queenread82]

I love those pants so much

[@luizabuliga6895]

Loved it! 🥰

[@ingridc0ld]

Yooo I love those pants! They're so cute!

[@mydogsareneat]

At my first job i was told if i didnt stop showing my faults id be fair game for harm i got tied to a post the next day. They dont like us.

[@mydogsareneat]

They dont want to.

[@mydogsareneat]

It wasnt like a one off. My family told me this is why they kept hurting me. I made it fun.

[@mydogsareneat]

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to make it not fun

[@Skunk6977]

Jesus. An ADHD talk in which the speaker’s earring(?) is tapping against the mic. Must… keep… watch… ing…

[@allyson--]

Queen

[@hu3serinminor453]

❤❤❤

[@oakenshadow6763]

Just came here form the add she is in for Stimagz. So nice to see people with ADHD not only talk about it, but work hard to provide the tools so we all can succeed.

[@NumHeut]

I can't but read "TEDx - Shut the f**k up" 😂

[@canitouchyouthere]

My ADHD couldn't get through 30 seconds without scrolling down the comments xd

[@RLS4jesus]

37 seconds and here I am 😅

[@BILLY-O-1982]

I’m renaming you helpful Hayley.

[@enso8379]

I really want to know what figit toy that is.

[@raehawkins7655]

probably stimagz, that’s her favorite

[@enso8379]

@@raehawkins7655That looks right. Thank you so much!

[@marycarrillo6084]

Wait- why is it that we get what I call food anxiety?

[@packattack931]

You are awesome ❤️🫶🥲

[@lauraluey]

🥹😭❤

[@exileplayz2024]

Second

[@catrionaeigenfeldt5410]

It eventially stops

[@lesliedouglas8297]

hayley, it’s been 3mo since i was diagnosed with adhd and your videos have been so validating and helpful 😭 i never understood why i felt constantly miserable or why i had to try 2x harder than my peers. i feel as if i’m just now understanding myself at 24. thank you for sharing your experiences and tips 🫶🏻

[@costicle123]

Being disliked by your mother. That’s fun.

[@adamloveshondas3122]

So if you go read comments as soon as the show starts mean you got ADHD 😂🤦🏼

[@Fatimalawanabubakar]

I was told “ba kya bari mutum yayi magana” you don’t allow people to speak…….you can talk too much…..

[@AnneWilkynson]

I was 61 when I got my diagnosis, bitter sweet 😮😅😕☹️🥺🥹

[@indigoblue77]

Wtf is that annoying noise?