How Couples Sustain a Strong Sexual Connection for a Lifetime | Emily Nagoski | TEDxFergusonLibrary

Emily Nagoski is a professional speaker and trainer, and has spoken both at a TEDx (University of Nevada) and on the TED main stage in Vancouver. Emily’s mission in life is to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She is author of the New York Times best-selling book Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life.
Emily Nagoski is a professional speaker and trainer, and has spoken both at a TEDx (University of Nevada) and on the TED main stage in Vancouver. Emily’s mission in life is to teach women to live with confidence and joy inside their bodies. She is author of the New York Times best-selling book Come As You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@susieklein7461]

I’ve been married 32 years and the first thing my husband and I do when we’re alone is...jump each others bones. We raised two children, and yes, during the more challenging times of parenthood, our interest waned. We talked about it though and knew things would get easier, the older the children got. We were together for nine years before having kids, so we had a deep connection already. Prioritizing each other is paramount!

[@goulet268]

How much do you weight ? Yes it's an actual question.

[@StefanGBucher]

Nice flex. Good for you.

[@misterjaypeasmith]

Happy for you 🥲

[@simplyatsea6779]

@@goulet268 what does that even matter?

[@mral4381]

Men can have babies.

[@chevalierjd]

My wife and I recently hit 15 years of marriage, 18 years together. We've unfortunately fallen out of intimacy, but our love for each other is still there. We started going to a Gottman counselor, and she recently purchased your book, Come As You Are. At first, I wasn't sure if it was a good thing, but after finding your Ted Talk, I am now very optimistic. We definitely have a large comfort space for a couple of years now, with her as the less interested party. But I think I've still been there for her, and she says she is secure in how much and in what manner I express my love for her. We just need to put the prickly hedgehogs away and turn back towards each other. I think this may actually be our turning point. Thank you, Doc!

[@katrinam6795]

Also buy her "coming soon" by Daniela Schiftan. That one is also great

[@alynereck]

I am 18 and single and taking notes - i am doing this for my future self. Lmao

[@tamisweetie]

anilem k. Same here. Very good :)

[@patrycja3956]

lmao i'm 18 and single too and i am like "wow nice i'm gonna keep this in mind"

[@DJJackieSpade]

Aww you guys are smart! I have gone through alllll of this with my partner of 10 years (we're 33) and I wish I had this knowledge back then. If you really work together and love each other and you get to a place you can come home to each other after things get tough, theres no other feeling like that in the world. Its really rewarding :)

[@thehorsebackheroine5950]

That is BRILLIANT that you are Learning this as an 18yr old. It will stand you in good stead for the rest of your life 👍😉

[@johngillanders9694]

Well done!

[@MilaDiamond]

A wonderful TEDx talk. Love your take on keeping long term relationships alive ““You look into the eyes of your best friend. You keep choosing your way back“ and making each other a priority.

[@ИгорьВоронов-ъ4м]

Could you please clarify meaning of this phrase? I'm not English speaking, so it's hard to understand.

[@tommac21]

Yeah it may keep hers alive. But what's this have to do with anyone else. All relationships work differently. What makes people like her believe they know a the answers. Nobody does except the 2 involved. So anything she says is utter nonsense

[@maneater]

perfect metaphors - it's very easy to get lost in scientific jargon but having a mental image that you can relate to your current situation helps tremendously.

[@NoeDactyl]

Why are most of these people commenting disrespecting her? I think she has a good point. Most men don't have these issues so they don't understand the intricate process of getting ready for the party you don't really wanna go to. I've been in an awful relationship like that for 8 years! I'm so glad that's over. Thank u Emily! Very interesting 😊

[@chanakyasinha8046]

@lefu87 Williford isn't the friend's fault of not expressing their emotions leading to anger build up. I think parties are good and bad. And this type of parties involves EFFORTS of BOTH equally.

[@sarahkilledaboy]

@lefu87 Williford Instead of inviting them for parties again and again I'd invite them to a cup of tea and a talk about why they don't really like to party with me. And if they'd finally invite me to a party they throw, I wouldn't try to "pay it back" by not going. But if I genuinely don't want to, maybe it's time for another cup of tea and a talk?

[@sarahkilledaboy]

@lefu87 Williford I do honestly and sincerely think that there are different kinds of people in this comment section and therefore I don't just assume everyone reacts the way I would. There might be people who force a conversation, other people might set up a safe space for a talk, other might feel so hurt and rejected that they themselves don't want to open up to their partner and talk about feelings. Then it's silence or accusations... It's a very complex topic and if you think you have done everything helpful and possible already, don't feel offended by someone pointing out sth that seems obvious for you. In the end it all comes down to communication, whether you have a problem with your partner, with yourself or with sth you experienced in the past. If open communication itself is an issue, a therapist might help.

[@chanakyasinha8046]

@lefu87 Williford What's the point of the conversation then, if the sole purpose of it is being destroyed, i want you to say it hurts when you aren't with me at the party, how i can possibly express my love with words only, if thats the case, then i m a noble, which can only be a friend when trying to learn, and a host for those parasite which moves on to other host if i die. Where the world is going, do we have the power to admit our mistakes, do we have the courage to correct it, i am sorry if you don't have these qualities,internet would say it is genetic, people has no time to analyze their mistake in party, how would they expect great from themselves while blaming others, i know i m off the track, but it leads to same destination, depression, fear, anxiety, etc,i can understand your frustration too,but we always cant express what mind thinks, and sometimes we want to express but other takes it as just WORDS, Now i am at the point of life where i believe that these are state of minds that has nothing to do with other behaviour regarding our emotions. Human, we are motivational beings, if we find some place(comment section) where we are heard, we express. AND I JUST WANT TO ASK THOSE PEOPLE WHO SAYS THERE'S NOTHING LEFT IN THE PARTY, I JUST WANT TO POINT YOUR BELIEF THAT YOUR NEED WILL MAKE YOU MISERABLE ONE DAY, BECAUSE YOU DEPEND ON THAT ONLY AND YOU WILL DIE IF YOU DON'T GET THAT TO PLEASE YOU, YOU BASE FOR LOVE IS FAKE FAKE FAKE!!! YOU ONLY RELY ON YOUR NEEDS, HOW CAN YOU LOVE SOMEONE IF YOU DON'T HAVE AN URGE TO SACRIFICE SOMETHING FOR THEM.

[@sarahkilledaboy]

@lefu87 Williford My answer is based on your question, which doesn't say anything about talking. Add more information and you receive more adequat advice to your specific situation. General question, general answer.

[@jodyfriend6966]

Very good lesson that only works if the couple are both using her suggestions; it can't be one sided.

[@zeynand4039]

Send it to yoir partner, let them watch and talk about it

[@thehorsebackheroine5950]

Oh that is sooooo true Judy :-)

[@beth8775]

Nothing in a relationship can be one sided.

[@andreaboulder]

Spot on... making it a “priority” is a key to keeping that part of your relationship vibrant!

[@melb9467]

Could not agree more Emily Nagoski! We've been together for 15 years, married for 11, as best friends who are prioritizing time together regularly

[@sunshine8477]

I loved how she told, first establishing a good friendship is important !!! How true !!! I always believed that. it makes communication easy and when there is a fluid communication, there is room for everything :)

[@collagecult]

Finally, a relevant ted talk.

[@majoraxis]

Here is somebody with a PhD that makes a real difference. Thanks, doc! Right on time!

[@snowthorner9573]

An absolute 10! Simple and Powerful...Emily is brilliant and heartful. Thank you, dear Emily!!

[@mifnp8887]

#1: Are you there for me? Are they emotionally available? They are literally best friends. And this would be why my ex-husband is my ex. 😕

[@sonjajocic6857]

MIFNP jovan stojsic

[@thehorsebackheroine5950]

It's tough to realise that. I do hope with this knowledge you someone who is on the same metaphorical page as you :-)

[@rachellawrence702]

She makes serious sense.

[@cathieh.7225]

Look into the eyes of your best friend and choose to find your way back. I've been married for 33 years and we chose not to lose our way to each other.

[@saintmarybulicek567]

I suspected my husband always texting a lady on his phone , We’ve been married for 18 years, we’ve both been happy together until recently when he switched side and I found out he has been cheating .I explained my story to a colleague at work then she introduced me to this genuine hacker, Darkwebprohacker who gave me access to his phone , I had complete access to his phone right on my own device and I could see all his activities for the past 2 years and also have access to new notifications, his text messages, Facebook messages,location, call logs, and I found out my husband was also flirting on dating sites..I love my husband a lot and I still don’t understand why he betrayed me, I have been a good hardworking wife and never for once cheated on him. I tracked him down and found out he was always going to sleep in another woman’s house with me thinking my husband is always at work for night shift. You can contact this great hacker who helped me found out the truth about my husband at darkwebprohack(at)gmail com or Whats app [phone] or text and call them directly on the same number.They helped me get access into his phone without even touching his phone.I have enough evidence against my husband and I am thinking of Filing for divorce.I want advice if I should give him another chance or let go ? We have 2 kids together . it's a painful feeling but I believe things happen in life it comes as it goes, as it says what doesn't kills makes you stronger

[@cathieh.7225]

If this is true it’s a weird response to my post, I think you’re a troll, go away!

[@akashpkumar4529]

Good Ted x helps to improve my communication in english thank u very much

[@jacksonpercy8044]

Why am I watching a video about lifetime relationships when I'm not even in a relationship?

[@thecoach11]

😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤔🤔🤔🤔

[@wendybesse90]

Watching/listening to things like this will better prepare you for a healthy lasting relationship once you find someone you want to be with. Its like you are studying for the final. Keep watching others like this & those about communication.

[@t.rok13]

Same. LoL

[@Plethorality]

Because you want one. A good one.

[@sarahdixon6011]

Insurance?

[@elite3737]

Excellent TED talk I will save in my library for sharing with others❣️

[@katietaniguchi7064]

Emily's book is as awesome as this TedTalk. Tenouttaten would recommend.

[@michaelarnoldjr]

This was amazing. This struck a cord in me. Thank you for your work. Please keep telling people the truth.

[@drcarolstoney]

what an outstanding teacher!

[@ahnagrace]

Incredible, helpful, fun talk. Thank you for this. 🔥

[@yukisshadow]

That was beautiful Emily! Thank you so much for this. I really want to read your book now. I had heard of it before but this talk sold it for me.

[@MusicLover-qg4rn]

Interesting take on a long term issue.

[@yashinhussain2557]

A Beautiful explanation. I am word less. The last part really got me ❤❤.

[@tiffybopp]

Such an interesting video! Ted Talk 😊

[@keppscrossing]

She described exactly why I am divorced. I did all of the positive things she listed, maybe not perfectly, but I tried hard and never quit. My ex-wife did not do a single one of them after about a month of marriage. Not one. In 19 years. I stayed committed. She gave up and left.

[@yourbud123]

Helped alot thank you . This really was needed

[@officialgautam3289]

Great knowledge👌

[@delexirian]

I LOVE THIS!!!!! Thank you :,)

[@paulmoore7064]

After three broken relationships, I've got porcupines, and they are angry!

[@Taurian_]

Paul Moore I feel you, man

[@Marshmallow_Trees]

Beautifully said.

[@garaadabdinaasir2777]

Long lasting relationship

[@RynoZ]

Loss of attraction isn’t a sleepy hedgehog, it’s a bipolar elephant.

[@blueconversechucks]

Possible though that: there is still hope, and maybe the animal is somewhere in between

[@ايمانمحمدايمانمحمد-ص5ج]

These agood programe see in my life now I can talking very good thanks from my heart

[@user-ju3mt4et6s]

Thank you💜

[@camonly849]

Responsive desire is a state of being. It's not what you are 🤣🤣. There is a reason you are there....

[@11Ken]

Nice story!💕 Tks

[@alejastoic]

The audience is so boring. They don't laugh about her good jokes.

[@tonymorales5715]

Probably too embarrassed.

[@yuniiyahya]

Bahasa and english Translation Please 🙏😊

[@jackiemartin7276]

That was really beautiful

[@rawpicturetv5495]

Very good Teaching👍 👍

[@EButta71]

Excellent!

[@viciousnfkndelicious]

So good

[@lasvinochuks2966]

Key 🗝👏👏👏

[@bopperette7260]

They switch it up. The end...😂🤣

[@emilycunningham6415]

I do believe you commented before viewing. ... But good luck with a long term monogamous relationship, I guess?

[@bopperette7260]

@@emilycunningham6415 Meaning??

[@emilycunningham6415]

@@bopperette7260 Your comment appears to either be irrelevant to the video or ignored the message in the video.

[@chicangel2000]

I love my husband. How long is a long relationship like 5 years?

[@JimCarmody]

She specifically mentioned relationships that spanned decades. Good luck. I hope you get there!

[@chicangel2000]

@Get IT J I mean mine is like 3 years old we are doing awesome and well you know just checking.

[@chicangel2000]

@@JimCarmody thank you me too ♡

[@smcarney]

We are on 23 years this year, together 25. Still interested in each other in this way.

[@emilycunningham6415]

@@smcarney Goals! Good for you guys

[@deborahschwarzin5941]

A very good person I no forget you xxx

[@eggshellskullrule7971]

Did she really have to rush through that session?

[@brattysims]

Beautiful.

[@2mo2time]

alot of this is found in biblical basis for a marrige thats intresting

[@artsez8982]

Turkish translation please

[@azzamjaber7014]

Learn English hhhhhhhha

[@EdwardGordington]

yeah if azzam can learn English so can you, now we just have to teach his parents English so they dont have to name their child after what the magician said when he finishes a magic trick.

[@Scratchci]

@@EdwardGordington lol, good roast.

[@Scratchci]

Vaktim olursa senin için çevirebilirim

[@artsez8982]

@@Scratchci çok kibarsınız teşekkür ederim 🌹 Aslında Türkçe çevirinin olmamasına inat yazmıştım. İngilizcenin dünyanin heryerinde geçerli bir dil olması üzücü.

[@AndrewAviles]

I came for the topic but stayed for the hedgehogs.

[@uzi3138]

Facts i hope she gets satisfied at home!

[@DustinGhia]

😔

[@olapieslak]

❣

[@shyamlaljuneja2622]

Please hindi

[@AyushmanAdhikary]

Through restraint I believe.. 😋

[@johnnyreggae969]

Don’t get married

[@irene1307]

Sound skewed to the right channel. A bit irritating to listen.

[@sooyeonjeon2093]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯ fast but who cares❤️

[@thuleking5723]

You won't need to worry about this any more, ladies, because guess what? M G T O W !!!

[@timzstr]

Common sense

[@devinyang6408]

A single man clicked in , leaving a comment and quit

[@qreousm3372]

Why do all these talks sound so far removed from real life. People meet, somehow get married, have some years of good times and then just get bored of each other. By then they have children, have responsibilities and muscle through the same , work to build a secure future and eventually just get used to being around each other. That is life. If your expectations are these, you will end up dying happy. This is how all the previous generations lived, (I think) and all these talks put needless pressure on people to start expecting too much in life.

[@chandraa5333]

Thats sad and not how it has to be. What shes saying isn't unrealistic it just takes effort. The only unrealistic part is people putting in effort, because many think like you. And settle, what a life settling because you don't believe things can be better. You set yourself up for automatic failure

[@anonymous-vg7kc]

early

[@zulfikarzulfikar9789]

R u

[@snafusnafu7409]

The word person pls stop using it. It's a dead entity through law

[@deantait8326]

Well it's true, those who can, do. Those that can't, teach...😁

[@p.b4287]

I 've just asked the more seductive, irresistible and distant men I met, to teach me. I would call him Master with pleasure. Until the moment the student overcomes the Master and then another story begins - shameless copied from the original Kung Fu story- 2020, I would not leave my Master unrewarded, why should I? Rather create a worthy life together. But he wants half a dozen of kids. No way. Perhaps two, at once. Life is short. Kids grow fast, and I want to enjoy life until the very last breath. Wish me luck.

[@DesertVox]

The ending part seems pathetic. It's like it's a battle, a chore, worse than work, war - both within and without. I say, if you can't feel it, don't sweat it. Deal with it. Find something else to 'do'.

[@eriksyring]

Women do so overwhelmingly by having multiple partners.

[@Rien--]

ted never ceases to deliver the most cringe videos on planet earth

[@sprocastersprocaster]

Especially this girl

[@Rien--]

sprocaster xd

[@chedo1165]

Ew

[@p.b4287]

TED sucks. But I am in a sunny mood. If a woman and a man love each other, they take care of their physical appearance too. Otherwise, it is wishful thinking.

[@samugote]

Anyone who follows the creators manual, the Bible, will have their marriage last "till death doth part them" . Period.

[@kennyralph7290]

Lol

[@jonathangarmuth8975]

Anyone who follows the bible will die a life unlived

[@eacy32]

Yeah, good luck with that.

[@kennyralph7290]

@@jonathangarmuth8975 I agree

[@chedo1165]

Ew

[@mikedfelix]

Ted talk going down to the drain. Gone are the good old days where the presenters are actually knowledgeable and presenting with substance.

[@chandraa5333]

She has a PHD

[@willb3368]

i think this is my favorite ted talk of all time. 10/10. would shop again. :)

[@Theculber]

I can't imagine being in love with someone and they move 20 feet away from you when asked to be comfortable

[@robinr5669]

It happens and it's heartbreaking.

[@gotellthem2099]

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life John 3:16😍😍😍😍

[@tripityourself]

This is such SUCH a good video. Possibly one of the best I've watched in years

[@pangurban]

Not so hard, be best friends and you will always have great chemestry, also get drunk together and mix it up a bit every now and then. But most of all be BFF

[@thehorsebackheroine5950]

Yep Matt. You're right there. They do.

[@filipmilosavljevic8316]

Why am I watching this when I am single?

[@anarcho-pingu]

it might help you meet the partner you want, whoever they are

[@gredeniand]

@Z3U5 why are we still here? just to suffer....

[@JUDALATION]

stay single and be happy...

[@-zephyressence-2018]

Same, it's interesting knowledge though.

[@t.rok13]

LoL same

[@Coelacantha]

I really like her enthusiasm👍

[@daletroncasablancas7870]

This one was so meaningful

[@chinowashere]

Thank you, Emily Nagoski! I count this among the top TED talks I have encountered.

[@DesertVox]

The other purely and truly scientific approach: barebone chemistry.

[@anonymousme6704]

May I know what that is? Soz I'm clueless

[@dream1430]

AnonymousMe lol take a guess

[@dominiquez420]

Hey ted talk do you mind paying for my college tuition real quick?

[@Genesis-fs1dz]

Be a penguin

[@sayniperez6997]

Great advice!

[@Barjo4]

This would sound alien to an asexual person…. Just sayin’🤷‍♀️

[@craigfrancisjohnson]

Love the sleepy hedgehog analogy

[@sahinyasar9119]

?

[@johngillanders9694]

Great talk! I’m glad my wife and I follow these principles!

[@RodCornholio]

Toss each others salad (?)

[@candacehall2266]

Oh my goodness..the first couple moments I was wide eyed...then I cried for 5 mins then I ended with a smile Thank you for sharing your knowledge and time..i really enjoyed it!

[@tatyanabublik23]

Very well said

[@nisreenhamid4232]

V informative

[@denverflatpackjedithornton]

Thank you Emily

[@bronazlin4955]

Love it!!

[@padi129]

Yep

[@BalikesirCicek]

Muhteşem bir konuşma tebrikler.👏👏🇹🇷🇹🇷