3 steps to heal your relationships and take accountability | Renee St Jacques | TEDxFiesole

In a world brimming with overwhelming division, climate collapse, trauma, racism, and inequity, something is fundamentally missing. Psychologist and Executive Coach Dr. Renee St Jacques believes every global problem has a question of accountability. In a compelling mix of stories and case studies, Dr. Renee St Jacques brings her expertise in human behavior to discuss her theory of Radical Ownership. She offers a simple framework that will inspire and equip us with practical steps to break cycles of unawareness, defensiveness and inaction so we can heal our relationships, transform our leadership and help build a more sustainable, equitable and harmonious future.
Dr Renee St Jacques brings a unique blend of human behavior expertise as a licensed psychologist and researcher, as well as real-world business experience as a certified executive coach and former Microsoft product manager with over two decades of experience in business, marketing, consulting, and coaching in Corporate America. Dr St Jacques’ career has been uniquely focused on studying the inner workings of human relationships, elevating cultures of trust, and teaching emotional intelligence skills to leaders and teams in major corporations.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

[@UriyahRecords]

Exactly what I needed to hear today. I just woke up to the reality that I rarely take responsibly for my own actions

[@BlueskyDenver]

😳😳 that’s honest hmm.🤔

[@Tati843]

I didn't know what accountability was until I got into a relationship and I was doing the worst things to my partner and he expressed it I just wasn't realizing Because I wanted to defend my intentions and trying to be right.

[@iloveyoufromthedepthofmyheart]

Congragulation for your courage owning it.

[@dismalthoughts]

6:37 "We don't want to hear and see others; we want to be heard and seen first" Realizing this changed my life. Everyone wants to be understood before they'll make an effort to understand, which just leads to a stalemate where no one is listening. The only way to break the cycle is to listen before pointing your finger. Take ownership of yourself *first* and *always* regardless of what anyone else does.

[@TeriChristine10]

I loved it! Radical Ownership is great below are my highlights. Physiology gives insight for healing. 1. Awareness 2. Acknowledgement 3. Action I’m going to apply these principles.

[@amyhedin6001]

Dr. Renee shows a path forward to understand how to repair relationships that have been damaged by acknowledging our impact of our words and behaviors towards others by removing defensiveness and by taking radical ownership of our actions we can have healthy human relationships.

[@breastarmer]

This message is so important. Think about a world where we all claim RADICAL OWNERSHIP of our actions - the accountability for our relationship impacts, environmental impacts, and societal impacts would be so much higher. Thank you to Dr. Renee St Jacques for sharing her important story and inspiring us all to consider our role in growing our emotional intelligence.

[@richelijolokai1475]

This is a message the whole world needs to hear! Radical Ownership should be taught in all schools so that the next generation can be full of people who heal hurts by being aware, acknowledging their impact and taking actions that resolve the pain initially caused! Well said and well done Dr. Renee!

[@BloomingRose438]

Omg ikr! I’ve thought schools should SO have psychology classes. The closest thing to that rn is like a FEW presentations on how to sleep better and stress and stuff that barely skims the informations. We just have around 3 per year of those💀. Psychology is SO IMPORTANT to learn. More important than art, p-e or other languages class IMO

[@cynthiacabrera2784]

"Intentions don't negate impact" Just applying that principle in our daily lives would mean a great positive change in all our personal relationships.

[@dyhppyx]

I've listened to a lot of Ted and this is the only one that made me tear up

[@elianichols6948]

I absolutely believe these are key secrets to healthy relationships, both big and small. Our world would be in a MUCH better place right now if more people took ownership of their actions. Thank you Dr. Renee St Jacques for speaking about this!

[@sherylnelson259]

Radical Ownership-- we need awareness, acknowledgement and action, this is radical!! Bravo Dr. St. Jacques!! what a powerful personal story!!

[@gem2148]

One of the BEST Ted-talks in a long time! 👏💯

[@mabeltang9730]

I love the honesty and vulnerability Dr. Renee St. Jacques had shared which made her talk relatable in personal relationships and at a global scale! This talk touched me deeply and I hope to take away in the impact I have on my family.

[@cubs9974]

Great talk, this is genuinely helpful for people who actually want to become better people and improve their relationships with others and themselves. Unfortunately there will always be some who will never be able to take genuine ownership over their actions and life (some commenters here show it so clearly). Keep going, you are improving some lives out there.

[@jessicawansoprano]

Thank you, Dr. Renee, for articulating a vision for a more responsible, sustainable, and just world. It starts with each of us and our radical ownership.

[@amycarlsen6415]

This message is so powerful, thought-provoking, and challenging. We all need to take this message to heart. If each of us took the time to be aware & acknowledge our intentions vs. impact, and then take action, the world would be changed. Very well said!

[@JessicaKamada]

thank you, Renee! An amazing reminder that we have the power to enable psychological safety in all relationships!

[@salty_deez]

Awareness Acknowledgement Action

[@startupparent]

Our world will totally change when we figure out how to deal with our feelings, and emotional needs. I love the way you talk about radical ownership, awareness, acknowledgement, and action.

[@lindaevansmiller3177]

Dr. Renee, I have listened to your presentation multiple times. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I pray all who listen will acknowledge and accept ownership of their thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. I believe this is a path to freedom for many who are “mind-fully” and emotionally stressed.” THANK YOU!!

[@jeannettedessaigne]

Grateful to Dr Renee for her powerful message. Radical ownership will empower people to rise above their intentions with self examination that leads to healing in personal and professional relationships.

[@maevewang]

This is a powerful story, Dr. St. Jacques. Excited to spread the word here.

[@ashleyzimmerman4368]

Dr Renee has a valuable message that inspires listeners and offers practical application. She shares real life scenarios and stories that invite self reflection towards transformative living in diverse communities. I appreciate the overall message and the tools she includes for application, offering some evidence based results that feel translatable to daily living.

[@user-bf5qu2pv8l]

Such a great Ted Talk! The anecdotes add dimension and relatability. I hope more people consider how to break the cycle with the three As.

[@pjstalker]

“A world of Cycle breaker”!! Refreshing message, we need more of this.

[@sarahcmcphee]

“Normalize radical ownership NOW! Brilliant! A must listen. In all the roles I have, I will show up better because of this insight. Thank you Dr. St. Jacques for making me a better wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, all the things! I teared up listening to the power of this message in practice with your sweet 5 year old daughter & we had a family meeting with our 3 daughters around this topic the next day. I want to imagine a world of radical ownership where we can be free to have tough, vulnerable conversations about past hurt that lead us all into breaking toxic cycles of burying real pain. The deepened levels of intimacy should inspire us all. Undoubtedly we all have unintentional hurts we have been scarred by & we will inflict it upon others, will you join me in welcoming those around you to call it out? To be open to listening without defense? I love that there is still room for both parties to lovingly disagree- as determining intentions or placing blame are not the focal point, it's about hearing the hurt, hearing the impact & honoring the emotions felt. Such a relevant message that will resonate with many. Thank you for this call to healing. A culture of radical ownership, yes PLEASE!” THANK YOU!!

[@nanjackson591]

Thank you Dr. Renee! Your insights, expertise and personal stories are so powerful and so important today.

[@kaw8473]

The next time your spouse hurts you (intentionally or not) ask them this one question "what do you think I have the right to feel right now?" This forces ownership and I've used it very successfully with my husband.

[@hitzoneproductions7858]

Do you ever do anything wrong?

[@paulgodin1522]

You have the right to "feel" anyway you want at any time you want. That doesn't make it rational or right. Some peoples' body makeup and chemistry changes day to day, making what and/or how you "feel" about something dependent on what day it is. What you should ask instead is, "Is this hurt I feel just my emotions or is it a rational thing?" In other words, is it "Not what you said, but just how you said it!"

[@lisafain5647]

What a fantastic TEDX talk. Thank you for sharing your story and your important concept of Radical Ownership. The world would be so much better if we all embrace this concept!

[@gracekingara6601]

This is one of the most helpful pieces I ever listened to. God bless you Dr Renee, you have a very important message for such a time as this. THANK YOU!!

[@SaraW-fd4fq]

Such an insightful and powerful talk on the importance of owning our impact! And you shared it in a wonderfully accessible way. So appreciate and celebrate your transparency and courage to share from you own life as well. Bravo Dr. St. Jacques!

[@MilesChiong-mg2ul]

So insightful. Thanks for the transparency, vulnerability, and powerful message Dr. St Jacques!

[@MarthaYoung-yt6me]

"Such a thought provoking and powerful story. Your hand gestures invited me into the depths of your story and your words connected radical ownership with tangible options for action. Radical ownership. Radical ownership of our actions. Wow."

[@RebeccaWilliams-nv8rj]

This is such a powerful message. You have taken an incredibly complex topic and broken it down in a way that all of us can use to positively impact our lives and the lives of those around us. Thank you, Dr. Renee.

[@diananguyen7532]

Great TED talk by Dr. Renee St Jacques! There would be a lot of healing and a better future if there was more radical ownership, awareness, acknowledgement, action.

[@IrinaBeckner]

So good! Very eloquent and heartfelt presence Dr. Renee brings

[@annakimdouglass7826]

What a gift you've shared with the world! Just powerful, and executed with so much grace and courage on the big stage. This message of radical ownership exudes light and hope, which I love, for the breaking of past negative cycles and establishing steps towards "a legacy of change/healing" in any sphere of influence. Thank you, Dr. Renee!

[@Angela.Empressive]

FINALLY!!! Thank you Renee ❤ This video/message should be shared 1 BILLION TIMES

[@JQUICK21]

Only at night to put people to sleep!

[@dr.reneestjacques9702]

Thank you for getting it @angela! Not everyone will and that’s ok

[@nikkijohnson7529]

Beautifully stated! Such an important message that heals relationships, creates change and helps ensure we are actually creating positive impact with room for feedback, growth and accountability.

[@sandraschwan]

Thanks for sharing your story Dr. Renee St Jacques. Love the three As of radical ownership.

[@halezyyy]

A quality reflection and presentation👏🏽💚 thank you!

[@laviniasnow4494]

There's a saying, “What you don't like being done to you, don't do to others.” It's common sense actually.

[@gracejinyi]

Love this powerful message! Asking myself today the simple but powerful question: what would it look like for me to take radical ownership over my impact?

[@dangjessdang]

What a powerful and essential message!! Thank you for sharing - you gave me much to think about, and I honor you.

[@MsJackified]

Wow what an incredibly eloquent speaker!

[@certainfuture]

Thanks, Dr. Renee! Seems scary to do but feels right and good later. Like another wise person said, humility comes before honor. Thanks for sharing your hard-earned insights.

[@bizbily]

Yep! We either avoid or defend, instead of saying 'Tell me more' when we talk to family members and loved ones

[@doriannemosich232]

Great topic, thank you so much helping so much with poor leaders, they should have rules!!

[@giftedgreen2152]

I love being single. Dating is the hardest thing you don't have to do.

[@susanna8612]

It really messes one mind...

[@melanien8645]

I’m glad you enjoy your life as a single person. All relationships are hard work, including quality friendships! Life would be meaningless without any sort of relationship with anyone, regardless if it’s romantic or not. However, you’re absolutely right when you said, dating is something you don’t have to do. So, more power to you!

[@DeusEx_Machina]

couldn't have come at a better time for me as I struggle with taking accountability. I am so reactive!

[@wealth_health2023]

helpful video, thanks

[@BlueskyDenver]

Things are far more complicated than that.! Saying that you take accountability is not the same as changing your thinking, but above all changing your behavior. First an individual have to change their mindset, and thinking, only then they can change their behavior.! About people who hurt us they don’t care that they hurt us, in some instances they are complete narcissists who are all about themselves., even if they are told their actions are harmful and caused you pain they blame you for everything. And in some instances they literally do things in purpose to hurt you more. Then they blame you for it because they say you made them do it.

[@luciedgrt8107]

Merci pour tout ton travail 👏👏

[@cullendejean6244]

Powerful Story

[@jacquelinenienaber4221]

I want to take radical ownership and teach my kids this as well!

[@francescos7361]

Thanks comrade

[@edmisterman]

Wasn’t there some other guy who wrote a book called “extreme ownership”

[@natalyamaze1479]

Thank you for your passion in the area of emotional intelligence. It’s so hard to explain this topic and you’ve done an amazing job breaking it down!

[@MuimaLahbiba]

Intéressant

[@HisGlory768]

How very sweet and important

[@enjoyyoursleep1]

How would one go about asking someone with no empathy, resulting from a different brain structure, to be able to take accountability?

[@HarpreetSingh-qb7mw]

Broken 💔

[@nishagupta3040]

Nice

[@moussamedfouni7722]

How can we get rid of stuttering?

[@patevans3709]

Modern speech therapists have the knowledge to decrease/cure that now. You must take responsibility to seek therapy--and then consistently practice what you are taught!

[@moussamedfouni7722]

According to the internet translation. I understood from your words that I am forced to take responsibility and search for the appropriate treatment

[@hitzoneproductions7858]

​@@moussamedfouni7722Correct

[@LaTonyaBooker]

Radical ownership over my impact would mean speaking from my heart, and not overpowering others with my personal experiences.

[@Mizzpinkperfect]

Wow

[@Eisa105]

First like and comment 🎉❤

[@piedramultiaristas8573]

Kiss to u

[@edmundocordova4535]

Podrian traducir al español o castellano siempre cuando algo es muy interesante no lo traducen saludos

[@abhishekpandit9984]

How many people watched the kerela story plz like me 👍

[@rbruce5270]

what a great talk 🤡👍

[@mekiye2145]

iPhone Telefonundan neden turkce Çeviri olmuyor arkadaslar

[@Nubbley]

keep it up boys, stay celibate

[@sciteceng2hedz358]

When did TED become a baptist church?

[@zahiralishah455]

🌹👍🌹👌🌹🙏🌹

[@thedictator1454]

Step 1 get a girl

[@byronrobbins8834]

We have one in a Red suit, so then we are happy, and healthy too.

[@fikipilot]

You could do some real help outside of corporate Canada and America and work in impoverished areas where traumatized, homeless, neglected, abused and illiterate children are trying to survive generational abuse and generational poverty. Wouldn't that be radical? You are invited to meet my students at the title 1 high school I teach at. You embarrassed yourself talking about a dysfunctional CEO who needed leadership training. What did you charge them? About enough to cover the salaries of 3 public school teachers or enough to feed 5 households with unemployed single parent families who's parent doesn't know how to raise children, because they weren't raised properly or in a healthy way themselves? What was the point of your TED TALK?

[@piedramultiaristas8573]

Women u need to take acountability

[@mixong62]

Everyone needs to take accountability. Everyone.

[@ecstanton]

Sounds like you've been harmed.

[@mixong62]

@@ecstanton haven’t we all?

[@dismalthoughts]

Like she said, everyone wants to be heard _first_ before they will try to listen and understand others. Unfortunately, this leads to a stalemate where neither side will ever hear the other. The only way to break the cycle is to listen before you point your finger.

[@DomingosFernandes-oe2sh]

SOU PORTUGUES NAO VEIJO O VOSSO ENPENHO EM POBLICITAR NOUTAS LINGOAS SERA SO PELO PRAZER DE PERTOTOBAR UM PROGAMA QUEEM NADA VOS PODE INCOMODA

[@beneficent2557]

Swing and a Miss

[@paulgodin1522]

Imagine that! A woman expects a man in her life to be a mind reader! My dad didn’t come home early after not reading my mind and it affected me!? Me and my siblings wanted him to “just come home early” on his own because we WANTED him to, not that we actually ever verbalized it! As for awareness, some people just live in a dream world while others HAVE TO live in the real world. Let us blame someone doing their best to provide for his family for not being a mind reader and “being aware” of the thoughts not expressed by children. “I wanted you to come home early so we could do stuff, but I never actually told you, so why didn’t you come home early?!” When your mom split with your dad and you inevitably given to your mom over your dad because women are “more nurturing” but your “strong and independent” mother refused anything to help you because “women can do it all!”. Then you had to “beg” money from your dad, whom you probably never actually got to go see but whom just paid the bill…. So when your daughter came to you with her hurt feelings at a young age, instead of setting her straight as to how the world actually works, you capitulated all authority to her and apologized to her for being better than you. Instead of actually raising your child you let your child raise themselves, because a child just knows the best way to be raised up! Once you jumped from racial reparations to climate change in one sentence, you really lost me. Neither is related and both are talking points to anger the populace against each other. This woman is a master at making a word salad that sounds good but taste very bitter when eaten!

[@Christiano127]

You are a sad, broken human being- you need you heal your own trauma and address your own inner child for which made you do bitter.

[@FrancisKnoni]

now I get it! She worked for Microsoft, that's why she is pro radical ownership.. opensource wasn't an option.. 😂

[@JQUICK21]

I would have fallen asleep right off! Robotic & too much posturing….🤦

[@cutflow2]

“Hoeflation: Today’s men must work 5 times harder than their grandfathers for women that are 75 times worse than their grandmothers.

[@cutflow2]

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[@yaeli_i_guess]

shut up incel

[@dismalthoughts]

Wtf does this have to do with the video? 😂 Nice box of soap you have there

[@Supreme40x]

another psychologist who tries to therapy herself 🙄 no, thanks, don’t want that kinda help

[@Trueblue222]

Your delivery is too cheesy , over the top , hammy , you lost me after about 90 seconds.

[@theworld4369]

it sounds funny and very arrogant. Your Parents hurt you badly ?! Because you won't understand them. and you believe they must flatter you.