The 3 phases of the avoidant relationship cycle

[@whatsinaname-j7f]

It’s heartbreaking and devastating to understand there’s nothing you can do. Nothing. And it feels so much like failure.

[@anecita0209]

So true! It is vicious for those of us that were at the receiving end of it. It’s been 3 months since I was discarded and it is still very painful and I am still so confused.

[@暗香晚风]

We are not failing, we are just experiencing an extraordinary case of poor mental health. I have been tortured by the cold violence of avoidance for 21 months. If it were not for my strong Christian faith and constant fasting and prayer, I would almost go crazy. ! Now, he makes me a better person! I am very grateful to him! I go to the gym 90 minutes a day, 6 days a week, and never miss work! But in the past I was a girl who hated exercise. I am thinner and prettier than before! Yes, I wrote a Weird love story about the Avoidant twith my tearsssss! BTW, we met again at a gathering last Sunday after being disconnected for 7 months! Yes, he met a better me. I was particularly surprised today because I received his Tex MSG: I remain silent, bcz I am worry that's his crumbs again...I'm not a love brain

[@RancidPetals23]

We all had fckd up childhoods.. but I choose to be better than that, no excuse for treating people like garbage!

[@暗香晚风]

good girl !!!!

[@promo130]

Indeed, its still a choice they make

[@RancidPetals23]

@@promo130for sure! 👍🏻

[@BlackWolf-gk8sn]

Exactly my saying. It´s always a choice. 👍

[@segri3697]

@@RancidPetals23 yes it's a choise.. I see my ex as a immature child in a grown up body. Like: " No, I didn't broke that vase you loved. It was not me. It was you! That silly vase and now you are hurting me 😳😒

[@b-six-twelve]

I will never understand men who pursue me only to run away when I meet their energy. I always make the mistake of assuming they know what they’re doing.

A power dater huh, news flash men dont wanna date girls who are too out there, other then for a brief relationship.

[@b-six-twelve]

The way you read my comment and shift the blame to me, the person who’s not initiating, is wild. You’re projecting, my guy. Also, I’m not a woman.

@@b-six-twelve gays are constant cheaters, same difference.

[@b-six-twelve]

Ah yes, homophobic stereotypes. I’ve not cheated once in my life. Funny how you’re blaming everyone else but what you assumed to be an aggressive heterosexual male. Speaks volumes.

[@DMuvvy]

I will never ever understand. 💔

[@Ellen84307]

It took me a year to be at my best me and not have anxiety anymore, over the relationship. Let 2025 be the best.

[@暗香晚风]

[@jelenakocmankocman4644]

Left this madness yesterday, nothing but blame, coldnesss, no validation, most heartbreaking experience in my life but I finally reached the stage when Im done. No loving creature should ever be exposed to this

[@Ellen84307]

@@jelenakocmankocman4644 Great to hear that you are done and I wish that you have a better 2025 to come. 🙏🏼

[@Ellen84307]

@@jelenakocmankocman4644 Sad to hear. No I agree, its exhausting. I wish all the best for you in the coming 2025.

[@culezarwinho]

Its almost impossible to have a healthy relationship to them unless they start to heal themselves. It’s very sad.

[@Ellen84307]

I am so very tired of being the one looking at videos about their behaviour and thinking about them and all that. Tired of being the one having to feel everything. Do he miss me? I have to go on. But so tired in my soul.

[@user-nd3tg5zn1b]

Exactly because they are so broken 😞 they need therapy!

[@暗香晚风]

absolutely I can read your mind

[@promo130]

Same here, but its useless, you cant figure them out really, never get closure, best to run for the hills and never look back with these kind of people, focus on yourself.

[@暗香晚风]

@@promo130

[@wongilank]

You're not alone. I'd like to think that this phase is actually the beginning of healing process. A new spirit to keep on going

[@michellemayo07]

I’ve done a lot of research on attachment styles. I believe my husband of 17 years is an avoidant. He avoids conflict, communication, confrontation, vulnerability, intimacy, sex, and getting close to me. On the positive side he is a very kind, loving, gentle honest and a generous person, however, because we lack the intimacy and the closenessI wonder if this is a healthy relationship, he grew up in a very stoic family who never discussed feelings or displayed any sort of emotion, including anger so because he is such a good person as stated above, I struggle with whether to stay or go.

[@暗香晚风]

Oh gosh, this is exactly what I'm worried about and afraid of, because my ex-FA is the same guy.

[@shereses.3298]

That was a complete contradiction ma'am 🤔 Sounds to me like you are making excuses for an emotionally unavailable husband that you are too afraid to leave for whatever list of reasons. Girl, you are the one living your life. If you are fine with an unfulfilling marriage, than what's the issue?

[@MilesIncognito]

very common "good DA" story. No easy answers for this scenario. Ironically, because this type of DA knows they are behaving as a "good person", they can be the most resistant to change (versus some of the train wrecks people are always complaining about on here, who are more likely to catch an inkling that THEY are the problem)

[@pollyannakarina]

​@@shereses.3298Judge Fudge.

[@onnanob]

I have a boundry/requirement if I learn someone I've been seeing has avoidant attachment: Go into therapy or it can't happen with me.

[@Nancy2551-g6i]

Great video, A month ago, my five-year relationship came to an end. I really can't stop thinking about the love of my life, who made the decision to leave me. I've done everything in my power to win him back, but it's all in vain, and I can't imagine my life with anyone else. I genuinely miss him and just can't stop thinking about him, even though I've tried my hardest to stop thinking about him. I'm not sure why I'm saying this here.

[@Yukajoseph]

It's hard to say goodbye to someone you love; I experienced this when my 12-year relationship ended. However, I couldn't just let him go; instead, I tried everything to win him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance, and he was able to help me win him back.

[@Nancy2551-g6i]

Interesting! How did you locate a spiritual counsellor, and how can I get in touch with him most effectively?

[@Yukajoseph]

His name is Father Obah Eze, and he is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.

[@Yukajoseph]

he is father obah eze, he has great powers, he can help you.

[@Nancy2551-g6i]

Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked him up now online. impressive Wow I just looked Father Obah Eze on the net he’s very legit thanks once again ❤

[@promo130]

Run for the hills and save your soul

[@panthercat38]

Id love to know when I CAN have a reflection of my effort and worth in a relationship... 🤔

[@segri3697]

Karma is the word that comes to my mind.. some day...

[@user-nd3tg5zn1b]

Everyday! Karma Karma Karma

[@sjd_1987]

Thanks!

[@BruceJC75]

I’ll never be stupid enough to ever be open about my faults or insecurities ever again.

[@ik6577]

Coach Ryan , can you record video about how avoidant feel when their ex ( who was discard by them) find new partner ( relationship) .

[@jamalcole1985]

They will message you are try to rekindle what they had with you. Don't take them serious . Have your fun and move on. It's a cycle for them and entertainment for me😂

[@ik6577]

​@@jamalcole1985 My ex DA dumped me suddenly without a word of explanation. He hasn't contacted me to this day and is trying to avoid me at all costs (imagine that we still have to work together 🫣🥴). I've already found a new partner, better in every way, who is taking me on a cruise in the Caribbean in May. Over time, I'm very happy that DA dumped me. But I still curios how, they feel and what is in their mind when their EX find new and better partner

[@jimdelvecchio2090]

I wonder if most avoidant spouses are also alcoholics?

[@暗香晚风]

No, I am n ot

[@MilesIncognito]

I doubt MOST, but definitely some use alcohol or other drugs to numb the unpleasant sensation of emotions

[@gregorystinette8271]

My girlfriend wouldn't leave the toilet seat up for me, so I had to leave the relationship !

[@marcya.6994]

Did you ask your girlfriend to leave the toilet seat up for you?

[@Cat-qk2cf]

😂​@@marcya.6994

[@gregorystinette8271]

No, I just just expected her to use some common sense & read my mind.

[@dillonjosephraymondcandela5651]

Spot on what my ex did..

[@caren7051]

Not on my case..i discard the avoidant first..when i started to sense his pulling away amd emotionally distant..

[@Ellen84307]

@@caren7051 What happened when you discarded your avoidant partner? Did he/she change their mind?

[@colorstyleadvisor-orsi897]

​​@@Ellen84307No, they feel insulted and they think you discarded them because they were too good for you and you made a preventive step before they would have discarded you. Haha. They are on a child's emotion level. Look at your ex as he was a 6-year old boy . Emotionally he is.

[@Nonfiction.Reader]

👍👏 good information.

[@Sai3495]

spot on.

[@AWA89r]

I think my STBXH is with his rebounder about 2.5 months, he seems so motivation and dress up daily (all my clothes) that I got him. 😅 I didn’t see that he feels he was unloveable and defective, mostly blame me on everything!

[@Tsan1010]

“It’s a romance novel”. The romance novels showed up at the house when our marriage of 20 years started falling apart. Smfh

[@gabriellemenard1773]

What does it mean when an avoidant (10yrs of dating when I’m single) reaches out while he’s away in vacation, telling thinking about me and sending pics (which he knows I like it) ready to join me in the middle (boundaries I asked) .. Then, back here , the middle is the same inconsistent connection as usual for 6 months where I’m the last priority which i don’t fall for anymore … at the same time he is always right there to help me solve me kind of business problems.. I feel i could be in trouble anywhere in the world he would be there to help me

[@Polly1589]

Manipulating to make you depend on him. Stay away from him.

[@asafselevanay1330]

breadcrumbing you. Don't take the bait block and never look back. They realized grass is not greener and probably trying to use as one of their monkey branching rebound. Give yourself a favorite stay away from avoidant person. There is no healthy loving commitment relationship. They lack empathy and remorse.

[@shereses.3298]

He does NOT genuinely love you. You need to leave that dude alone and learn to love yourself ❤

[@rivalsajax1500]

what do u do after 1month of no contact

[@BlackWolf-gk8sn]

Heal. Move on and never return

[@MenelikAME]

A lifetime of no contact. Cut your losses and keep it pushing…

[@暗香晚风]

Just ONE month ?? I have had no contact with him for 7 months, but today he gave me Tex MSG, hoping to restore the relationship, I ignored him, I must let him remember a profound lesson

[@MenelikAME]

@ Good for you! They wanna come back as if nothing happened and still hold no accountability for how they treated you. Stay strong and keep moving on ✊🏿🙏🏿✌🏿

[@暗香晚风]

@@MenelikAME They must take responsibility and not dare to cross the line in the future

[@arankagionetti2098]

They dismiss you and their self! Where you go from here?

[@hanne-lysmeyer5760]

Perso, Tes videos, avec toute cette dramatisation, ne m'aident pas du tout ! Où est l'espoir ? Tu agites les peurs. Ça ne peut pas être la solution

[@Talkingshit4]

Vous pouvez pas être en couple avec quelqu’un qui a rien à donner .

[@ninaziva4639]

​@@Talkingshit4Alors comment vous expliquez qu'il y ait plein de femmes qui soient pourtant bel et bien mariées avec des hommes évitants?

[@starr8111]

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