The Best Predictor of your Relationship Health is...

[@JimmyonRelationships]

For anyone who would like to sign up =) matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@christineaberg9489]

link

[@dionnew7994]

Link

[@my100kats]

Link, please!

[@AlinaTowers]

When I read about this years ago a thousand lights came on in my head. I felt so neglected in my marriage, but I knew my husband didn't have any cruel intentions, and I couldn't always explain what he was doing so bad except i longed for more affection and responsiveness. I felt awful, and I felt like I was nuts, too. I thought I must be so needy because I felt so bad every time I made a comment and got no response, or said something funny and got no laugh. I'm outgoing and love to laugh, but I learned to keep to myself a lot more, not share so much, and I felt like a plant that was withering up. Things have gotten a bit better over the years and we're still working at it.

[@positivevibe7684]

@alina Hopefully you are doing things that bring joy to your life.

[@beelzebubshoney]

This has never felt more relatable.

[@aristobrat4987]

My husband has called me so many horrible things. He says I start fights just for the fun of belittling him. Like wtf ? Wtf kind of accusation is that ? All I'd Saud was 'hey I don't like the vacuum getting clogged make sure you pick up stuff' AND THAT WAS ME BERRATING AND BELITTLING HIM FOR MY OWN SADISTIC PLEASURE ????????????? But then the guys I talk to on the side are like 'wow you're so sweet and pretty. Your energy is like a chaotic anime girl !!' And I'm the asshole for wanting the latter ..?????? Fuckjng men disgust me sometimes

[@EdelweisSusie]

Some men are just emotionally unavailable despite loving you deep-down. Sadly it’s to do with their childhood, not with you. Look at his interaction with his parents - it will explain everything: I bet they don’t openly hug etc, do they? My ex was like this (he had coercively controlling parents and even aged 42 was always striving to please them) and I always felt he wanted to be somewhere else when we had time alone. You just need to tell him how his behaviour makes you feel without passing any judgment - then go out and create a life for yourself: join a social club so you meet new people, take up a new hobby, change your appearance (ie new vivacious hair colour), learn to ride a scooter, learn a new language, read a risqué book/magazine in front of him - all this will intrigue him. Trust me, it’ll work!

[@positivevibe7684]

@susannefitzpatrick9955 Your post is head-on 💯 I love my husb very much, and I have no doubt the feeling is mutual. He struggles with undiagnosed ASD. I used to get very upset and angry with him. After 35+ years of marriage, a lot now makes sense with him being on the spectrum. I have shared how I feel. Instead of looking for him to change and stressing him and myself out, I do things I enjoy. One of the things I do is meditate every morning... I call it my quiet time. When I started working on my inner self and doing things I enjoy, it made a world of difference. I'm no longer stressed out. I still have my days from time to time, but they are few and in between. For me, working on my inner self is key. I listen to a great deal of videos such as Abraham hicks, Wayne Dwyer, Mark Hatten, and Jimmy. I also enjoy reading books that touch on wisdom. It's a game changer for me.

[@tamarbatyah7]

It is very painful to be ignored and forgotten when you're trying to be faithful and not step out on someone, even emotionally, in a relationship...

[@aristobrat4987]

I can only be alone, ignored, insulted, and forced to stay for so long. Eventually I'm going to seek happiness.

[@karenortega2046]

Well said❤

[@tamarbatyah7]

@aristobrat4987 even a dog runs away if mistreated. Dogs are very loyal animals. How much more so a human with a conscience?

[@terricox3559]

If the relationship is right, you shouldnt have to TRY not to cheat.

[@tamarbatyah7]

@terricox3559 I'm not saying "try" as in "difficult to attain" I'm saying "try" as in, "making a continous effort".

[@mettamorph4523]

This snippet hit me at my core. I've lived my whole life longing for simple connection. From parents. Siblings. Potential boyfriends. Laugh with me please. Empathize with me please. It hasn't happened often. I spend most of my time alone because I'm happier alone. Too much "micro rejection" in my life.

[@AM-gt1yt]

You're not alone. I resonated a lot with your comment. Being ignored emotionally/physically by parents, siblings, all family really, boyfriends, etc. I also spend 99% of my free time alone. I guess I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone in that. ❤

[@theokatcha6026]

Please, if you read this, just smile. A small smile first. Then a bigger smile. Then an enormous smile. It will you do good. And please let me know how you felt! 😃

[@Wormhole-Bar-Concert-Venue]

i wish all of us affectionate people that enjoy and long for quality time together would match up and all the people that dont even care if theyre in a relationship would get together with each other and not waste our time.

[@karenortega2046]

The hardest part is being affectionate with a partner who is avoidant. It just doesn’t work..

[@verohb79]

The problem is that dismissive people are selfish and emotionally needy and they keep on baiting us affectionate people to be in the wrong relationship. Us affectionate people need to protect ourselves from these emotional vampires.

[@jakeadams5741]

I've been pondering this a lot lately. My #1 love language is touch but its #5 for my wife. I'll try to "bid" for a hug while passing, but she never initiates, and when i look at her with longing, she says "just tell me what you need" and i have to say "we have talked about this for years, i dont want to feel like im always begging you to touch me.

[@Azusartcorner]

What are her bids for connection? And what is her perspective on why she seems to avoid hugs?

[@Azusartcorner]

@@Lili4Yah I'm pretty sure there's a story to her side as well.

[@yinyangphoenix]

I don’t understand why love languages are discussed as though they are unrelated. If someone says they love me but never wants to touch me or spend time with me then I have a hell of a hard time believing that they love me. Love languages are all interconnected.

[@Azusartcorner]

@@yinyangphoenixYes, AND in such a case it behooves you to find out why you partner is not meeting your needs by speaking your love language. Maybe they also do not feel understood and their needs are also unmet, or they are for whatever reason unable to meet that need. You need to have that conversation and figure out a solution that works for both of you.

[@Wormhole-Bar-Concert-Venue]

my love language is quality time and touch so when my (now ex) boyfriend got off work and then proceeded to stand in the yard for hours smoking cigarettes with our roomate than to come in and be with me it really hurt but when i mentioned it he said that i was just trying to control him. Instead of appreciating someone who actually wanted his love and attention. i hope he finds an equally neglectful woman to be with that has no desire to spend time with him since thats what he likes.

[@milphoenix91]

This is something that my partner and I have shared from the start of our relationship, even before we 'defined' it as such. He turns towards me the moment I enter the room, we unconsciously reach out to touch each other, or hold hands, even when we're both in the middle of work. He makes me feel so seen, heard, and respected.

[@yinyangphoenix]

I am so glad for this message. I actually thought I was needy for wanting people I care about to want to talk to me and spend time with me. Now I can see that I am normal for wanting that. 😊

[@RD12349]

Having sense of humor & humility & gratitude is key to finding the right partner. Stay away from negative & victim mentality folks.

[@jehannedufresne3998]

Same concepts can apply for friendships or family members: when trying to reach for a connection, then you get nothing.... That's how I determine when someone is not for me.

[@vickiboise]

THANK YOU! Your videos are the reason I'm leaving a BPD relationship after 15 years. Truly. We've been apart and I've been crying for 4 weeks and have journaled 200 pages and read/watched so much information. You're telling the story of my life, and I can't ignore it and the damage to myself any longer. I can see clearly now... because of you. You made a difference in someone's life today. Thank you!

[@NeinaSheldon]

Thanks Jimmy - helpful to hear some ideas on what the bids for connection actually are. I realise I can be neglectful when I’m focused on doing something and my partner is trying to make me laugh with a joke. And likewise when he is hyperfocused on a game he doesn’t always like to be interrupted with a bid for connection. Something to consider - the balance of being respectful that your partner is engaged in something and therefore you may feel rejected if you make your bid versus your desire for connection and whether we can be more aware and open to these distractions.

[@mettamorph4523]

Making "bids" when a person is engaged in something requiring concentration seems manipulative. "PAY ATTENTION TO ME!" Bids are small things, when no one is preoccupied. That's why rejecting the bid hurts so much, because a person made a choice to shoot the bid down.

[@sfletch5]

Hey, I'm reading that book right now! I'm 77 pages in. Really good so far!

[@Sherryjohansing]

Thank you! All these questions we didn't think to ask before marriage... and certainly didn't occur to me while dating anyone ever! Never too late. Thanks again so much for sharing your time.

[@positivevibe7684]

@user If you asked those questions before marriage, trust and believe the dynamics in a marriage changes the longer you are married. I've been married over 35 years..I have the receipts. ❤❤

[@mettamorph4523]

Don't think questions can uncover these behaviors. These are action based, situational. I dated a guy who "should" have been a good marriage choice, based on manners and living habits. But I felt lonely and disconnected and not seen. I laughed with him at very feeble humor but he never made me laugh. Ended it after 4 months. I could see he was like my family members and I'm not marrying that.

[@sovannahong6472]

Ive been so distant with my wife for so long that I've forgotten what it even feels like to be loved anymore. I'm only still alive for my children. Though they make me happy and love me unconditionally, they can't take care of me or love me like their mother could/should.

[@mispotan9241]

it happens to me so fast, I don’t know why. the first week of talking is absolutely lovely, we talk about all the things we have in common, how we value emotional intelligence, and then we meet up, have sex, and bam, suddenly 2 out of 3 texts I send, telling about my day are ignored, preference to have less calls, once again I am tossed away

[@brittanyhomeschoolmom1574]

That's why you need to save yourself for marriage. You are worth so much more than this. All women are. Women need to save themselves for a man who truly wants them and will work hard to get them. If he is the right guy and truly loves you, he will wait until the wedding night. You can truly pick the bad apples out this way. Don't give your wonderful sacred self away to toads.

[@KenikoB]

@@brittanyhomeschoolmom1574 I'd rather not marry someone without knowing our sexual compatibility, since that's an important component to a happy marriage.

[@emilystevens2016]

@@KenikoB As someone who is married, I promise you, it is not the most important part at all. We love it, it's fun, but devotion and commitment outside of that is what creates a lasting, caring relationship.

[@thrill102]

Having sex too soon is not a good thing. It clouds your mind. It’s harder to see the red flags. It should definitely be MONTHS of dating first. If someone really likes your company months later then they are most likely genuine. Most people looking for only sex will not waste months of their time dating you without it. You can filter them out better this way.

[@regenawilson8607]

​@@KenikoB that's what's wrong with society today. Sex is NOT that important & it's all these experiences & porn that have us thinking we need to "find our match" take it from an ex sex addict that got married to a 12 out 10 in the bed & I was still unfaithful due to the lack of emotional connection & growth. Get you some Jesus & purpose, you'll find out that there's so mich more to life! 3 years abstainate & counting! ❤

[@carabevanart]

Great video. This applies to friendships too or anyone you want to hold close to you. It hurts to feel ignored, dismissed, and a connection you once had wither away.

[@donnacunningham7468]

This is exactly what I need to hear ! I am also Billy of not linking as much as I really should. My husband and I are going through a really tough time. But if positive way we are both fighting for each other. I only God's grace and peace and guidance will make it through this marriage.

[@thepampepper7660]

I clicked the link in the pinned comment/description and got my spot. I’m looking forward to this. If I don’t win a book I’ll buy one for sure.

[@zele4476]

I would love if you could make any sort of videos surrounding long distance relationship! I've recently discovered your channel and love it so much. But I'm 4months into long distance with my partner and its we thought it was okay but its gotten really difficult all over again. I would love to hear any thoughts you have on long distance

[@positivevibe7684]

@Zele I've been there for a short period of time. It's very difficult. Are either of you willing to relocate at some point? If not, I can't see it working out. I wish you all the best.❤️❤️

[@katemiller5990]

What about if they usually turn towards you when a bid is made, but often in a negative way? That’s really painful, too 😢

[@mariuwu789]

Truly, it can be used as measure for almost any kind of relationship. Even between tutors and pets, really. Of course, the responses won't be the same, nor the motivations, but you can see the attempts to connection interspecies.

[@beverlydevriesburrows3097]

Thanks for what you do.

[@syzygy4365]

Thanks for the information.

[@gerardofratini181]

Just signed up for the event. It's the first time I give my email without dreading another stream of spam emails, rather positively looking forward to the newsletter I probably subscribed to 😉

[@julieh6514]

Cant wait to see the LINK! Thank you

[@madslovesfrogs2100]

Why would I not want to listen to every word out his mouth, my husband says the most interesting things ever, once in an effort to just have a conversation he made up a story about the birds outside our window, I could not stop laughing. Honestly, if you don't want to or can not listen, you are not ready for love.

[@v_kaydubz7424]

Those percentages remind me of the percentages provided in the Ciecle of Security parenting course. It says children that have their emotional and physical needs met by their parents at least 30% of their formative years will develop a secure attachment style. Children whose parents don't meet the minimum 30% requirement develop anxious, avoidant, or disorganised attachment styles depending on the nature of the environment during those years. I wonder if adults who fail to respond to their partner's bids beyond the 33% are reliving/recreating the below-the-bare-minimum environment they grew up with. And I wonder if adults need to have their bids responded too is a way of receiving the sense of love and security they didn't have as children? Or if the adult did develop a secure attachment style in their childhood, is this a way of maintaining that sense of love and security - making sure their cup stays full?

[@stephaniesmith91ss]

Oh man i missed it lol 😅 im getting caught up now. My kids got sick at different times.

[@jenniferbates2811]

These are great authors! Some more books to read or listen to: * Come As You Are By. Dr. Emily Nagoski * Burnout By. Dr. Emily Nagoski

[@miriambayliss7058]

Just to say thank you for the work that you doing I've added the book to my list Do you have a full book list

[@karenortega2046]

Well this hit… 😢 this was to close to home and probably the single reason it was a huge strike.

[@mscred5909]

Great video! 🎉 Link please...and thank you.

[@cclay9482]

My wondering is, how do the Gottmans count bids that get a response rate of 90%- 100%, but the responses are negative, invalidating, or oppositonal. It may be about the response rate, but in my opinion it's also about the quality of the response (building vs. destructive).

[@loveandsexmastery4961]

Link please ! So looking forward to the Gottman’s interview!

[@gildahobbs8829]

This is the one for me.

[@only_beckster5269]

Very true

[@TheAlexavina]

Is it possible to book a session with you? I would be honored to either book it in person or virtually and I'm willing to pay if it means either dramatically bettering my relationship with my partner or if it means getting the courage to break things off now.

[@thawabu]

I just bought the audio book of that.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

Let me know how you like it!

[@verolebaq3918]

Link! 😻

[@Wormhole-Bar-Concert-Venue]

Can you please make a test we can give potential new partners as a way to screen them?? that would be so helpful lol

[@TrentGoss-f3h]

Thanks :)

[@TheBestOfLisaRenee]

🤍I’m so excited! I’ve read their book 8 Dates and I cannot wait to implement the book, hopefully one day soon, if the Lord is willing. I’ll miss Church Friday night to attend this live, but I know it’s worth it. This is important!

[@mayerlinmunoz3916]

I missed it 😢Are you planning to post the full episode?

[@LeratoLouis-c5m]

Link 😊❤

[@raspberrykitten6676]

Link! ♥️

[@deliahazrati6533]

brilliant

[@dja-juicepowersourceproduc2887]

Nice 👍

[@elizabethsmith1251]

Link (and love ❤️)

[@susansteele4732]

We both like to playfully tease each other …but …sometimes the comments are taken as hurtful. Any suggestions to help my situation? Also….thank you for your insightful thoughts and ideas adding in a sense of humour. I enjoy your videos.

[@menabuchnersixdegreesofsimming]

Link please and thank you x

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@mayerlinmunoz3916]

Link!!

[@ajquimby121]

Link please! Thx!

[@beautifullywildand]

do you list your favorite books anywhere?

[@genevieveohara5360]

Yeah it would be great to see a list of books he has on relationships

[@marblemapping]

Belief

[@G.F.SF55]

Please upload the recording somewhere, I can't make it ToT

[@RavenzFlight]

Does this hold true for friendships as well?

[@na-mc4cv]

😊 link

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@ValKat76]

Link 🔗 🙈🙋🏽‍♀️🥂

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@jdub78]

Who is Mathias?

[@ionicamermaid1141]

Here in Europe for me it's at 2am will it be available to watch later?

[@dorissosa2206]

Please send me the link

[@EmiliaEmilia-p6c]

Link?

[@LadyElina1]

Link please!

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@裵智]

What about relationships with two partners that don't speak the same language and maybe the connection doesn't always happen because the other partner doesn't understand what you are saying? How do I evaluate it?

[@melissacory5760]

Link. Please and thank you!

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@janemarlo4978]

Link 😊

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@SpoopyWitch]

Link please 🖤

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@jerrysusanfloyd3909]

Link 😁

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@summer4659]

Link pls ❤

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@BanTrangTVSL]

Hay quá❤❤❤❤

[@lonead]

Link🙏🏻

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@elainebryant1124]

Link!

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@joanysohayda7233]

Link please xoxo

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@DaniB19821]

LINK

[@jamiealvarado-d1x]

Link please

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@zackerypeterson5811]

Where's your wig, bro.

[@cb_4129]

🥺😔

[@jacklynnketelaar6637]

Link

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@pvdm709]

Then I know where it is going. Down hill

[@Emily-ke9xb]

linkkk

[@Jess-wk5jo]

Hello is it turth that Not every affair involves sex. ARE still affair or do people need sex for affair or cheating to happen ur not . Can people have affair and cheat on someone without never never having no sex?

[@JoshuaABrown1982]

Yes, people can affairs without having sex. They are called emotional affairs, and it’s mainly done over texting, emails or phone calls. Emotional affairs are as dangerous as physical bc most times, emotional affairs turn into physical affairs. My wife had an emotional affair with someone from her work. It started as friendly texting, turn into heavy flirting and than became sexual through texting.

[@ladyesther]

or a binding prenup or maybe winning the lotto with a binding prenup?

[@karengiles4148]

Bio 😊

[@dashamikhailytcheva1345]

Link!

[@soorian6493]

Link please!

[@HansonGod-Is-Good]

Link please. Thank you!

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@kellyegge8837]

link

[@jeanbentley4483]

Link please

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@tamarafryziuk774]

Link

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@zena9817]

Link please!

[@empizzle8]

Link, please and thank you.

[@JimmyonRelationships]

matthiasjbarker.com/gottman-premiere?Jimmy

[@AkshikaVerma1]

link

[@theresademarco9899]

Link please

[@JimmyonRelationships]

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[@susancathcart4845]

Link

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[@PixiePolowy]

Link please!!!

[@zachansard]

Link please

[@JimmyonRelationships]

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[@kathyjulian6138]

Link

[@JimmyonRelationships]

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[@sharynorcutt4181]

Link please!

[@ninahmuhsen2659]

Link please