The Compelling vs. Repelling Way of Setting Boundaries With Men

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[@tallspicy]

My favorite way to deal with an over flirty way is.. "easy there tiger...". Men who meant to push to fast too far will not back off or get defensive. One who likes you just chills out

[@BernMendez]

Glad this works for you : ). Thanks for sharing!

[@tess7798]

Yes! I always say, “Slow down, Cowboy”. Men laugh and slow down.

[@kellyquasha657]

I’ve gone cold like the ice queen but I never had the intent to hurt or manipulate. For the men out there, don’t go thinking your women is intentionally trying to hurt you. Omg if I knew what was wrong and then could overcome the tremendous fear involved to express it in a vulnerable way, I would do it immediately. Please be patient, how can we fake keeping our hearts open while we figure out what’s going on.

[@tallspicy]

May I make a request is the most underrated phrase ever. It is perfect because it takes 100% responsibility for what you are asking for

[@BernMendez]

Yes.

[@sidekickster8917]

I had a guy do this to me this yr. A few yrs ago, We hung out(not "official" dating) for a few months& had a good time. Then, he got mad at me (in front of a lot of ppl) for a REALLY dumb reason & didn't talk to me for 6mo or more w/no explaination. (Fine w/me) we ran into each other & he IMMED wanted to get together again. With GREAT caution, I agreed we met casually 3x. I clearly set my boundaries. The 1st time he said he "wanted to get to know me on deeper level." He told me "HIS" plan of selling his house, buying an RV & SERIOUSLY wanted me to join him in just all of sudden leaving everything behind(incl my daughter, church etc) traveling across the country. 🙃 I expressed a great concern about just up & leaving, but it seemed he just had "HIS" vision & I could "tag a long"(that's the way it came across). He DID sell his house, when I told him I had family things I was dealing with (a loss) he Immed said "Oh you're too busy" I never heard from him again (thankfully) & it's been several months.🙃 I bring this up bc it is the WEIRDEST (disrespectful in my opinion) thing I've ever heard of/experienced & would like thoughts/imput

[@BernMendez]

It sounds like you are both in Dramatically different visions of what meaning and fulfillment in life is. This is a great opportunity to next time take a little longer to get to know a guy and find out with more specificity what his vision for life is so you can gauge if it's in the same planet as yours : )

[@luigimcgoo6319]

It sounds like you dodged a bullet there. The fact he got angry at you in front of a lot of people is extremely rude and a massive red flag IMO.

[@cheekytitaable]

Sounds like he was a narcissist. Plain and simple. Be glad he’s gone. It wasn’t meant to be and you can thank yourself for putting the brakes on

[@jacquisunsong2561]

Seems like he had no patience, respect or love. Forget about him, just a selfish person, out for himself.

[@Mayfloweralways]

It sounds like he has no ability to connect to any empathy. A person with empathy sees you as a person with feelings. He embarrassed you in front of a crowd. He later went back to you like randomly scrolling though contacts and decided that since you still seemed open to him, he could just as well experience fun with you as easily as anyone else. When you had serious things going on, he again had no empathy and was just looking for fun that you were not providing. Do not entertain this person in the future. He will do this again.

[@suzannepuma9774]

Thank you so much for this helpful video on setting boundaries and how not to go by it. Didn’t grow up with being taught how to set boundaries and knowing what they are…and also seeing how myslf can feel challenged in receiving others feedback/boundaries I can imagine how this must be for the other person. Definitely will use these for myslf/abs with others. Thank you again!

[@BernMendez]

You're so welcome!

[@loganandrew40]

❤️❤️❤️I'm really much stunned about your profile and disposition. I also admire your good sense of humor on here , I don't usually write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. I would love to be your friend if you don't mind replying to my comments, God bless you and your family ❤️❤️🙏

[@kimberlyh2098]

Thank you Bernardo. This is in total alignment with the positive changes I want from within. Communication is key for me, and instead of withdrawing from doing so, learning to communicate more tenderly may catapult my personal intimate relationship(s) into a whole new realm I've never experienced. I truly desire more positive outcomes and growth.

[@BernMendez]

Glad this was helpful, Kimberly.

[@sarahmohsen4142]

Really love the pace you speak with also ur voice is clear ...well done

[@BernMendez]

Thank you so much, Sarah. 🙂

[@shyneray250]

Everything you said made a lottt of sense!

[@BernMendez]

Shyne, glad you found this helpful ; )

[@whileblueberrysleeps2993]

This is incredibly helpful. Thank you so much!!!

[@BernMendez]

You're so welcome!

[@romi929]

I did not take the quiz but my wildest guess would be : Self worth which is all about your self concept how you view yourself deep down. Which is tricky to identify because is usually in your subconscious and rooted in your childhood. 🤗

[@BernMendez]

Thank you for watching.

[@romi929]

I did not take the quiz but my wildest guess would be : Self worth which is all about your self concept how you view yourself deep down. Which is tricky to identify because is usually in your subconscious and rooted in your childhood. 🤗 PS This was really good video 👍😃

[@BernMendez]

Take the quiz and find out what to do about it today ;)

[@fitz2523]

First video🎉 new subscriber ❤ took the quiz 🙌🏾I’m impressed💯

[@BernMendez]

Thank you and welcome! :)

[@loganandrew40]

❤️❤️❤️I'm really much stunned about your profile and disposition. I also admire your good sense of humor on here , I don't usually write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. I would love to be your friend if you don't mind replying to my comments, God bless you and your family ❤️❤️🙏

[@lambchop6278]

The one of bringing up a problem by treating the person as if they are a inherently flawed, rather hits home for me. Something I grew up around. And it' a pet hate of mine, as I recognise it as a method people use to dominate and control another. Absolutely sick to death of this. It's also quite low in emotional intelligence.

[@BernMendez]

[Take The Free Quiz]: What's the #1 Reason You're Single: bit.ly/youresinglequiz

[@AsexualiseMyAsexualLife]

I did the boundary setting in the right way with a guy a few days ago about 3 times, and he said he would make the change, he made two changes but I felt he was just doing it to please me rather than because he really meant it and care, and then he didn't make any more and I felt like he didn't feel good about me talking to him about this and stating my needs, and in the end he repeated the bad behaviour and clearly didn't really care about my wellbeing, he was unempathetic while I was sick - his attitude was you'll get over it - and he kept repeating this message to me, like it's no big deal and was messaging me less. So I told him I'm looking for a more sensitive, caring, compassionate and empathetic guy, in terms of romance and even as a friend, and I stopped messaging him after that.

[@BernMendez]

Sorry this didn't work out. Hope you feeling better : )

[@AsexualiseMyAsexualLife]

@@BernMendez thank you. Yeah, as soon as I stopped messaging him I got better faster. When I fully recovered I went to a club and he was there and danced in the same group of people I was already dancing with, while ignoring me. After he had said hi as I came down the stairs, but in a shocked tone. One girl even said my friend wants to dance with you and he purposefully danced in front of me to the side of me, while looking all around the room but not at me and every time he did this I would then move to dance with one of the other guys in the group, or dance on my own. At the end of the night, everyone left the dance floor and he stayed behind and came over to me and said - See you soon and gave me a shoulder hug. And he hasn't contacted me since. Such weird behaviour 😕 I don't know if you can make sense of it? And do a video about this type of behaviour.

[@Jan-qv8ku]

He sounds like a narcissist. A narcissist will not care when you’re sick. It’s an inconvenience to them. How dare you be human lol.

[@sandral2261]

Thank you for the insight and clarity

[@BernMendez]

You're so welcome, Sandra!

[@loganandrew40]

❤️❤️❤️I'm really much stunned about your profile and disposition. I also admire your good sense of humor on here , I don't usually write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. I would love to be your friend if you don't mind replying to my comments, God bless you and your family ❤️❤️🙏

[@Bammbi1000]

I feel like the beginning is good then I start to feel the backing up and do admit that I work harder at figuring it out.

[@ametrineambrosia4929]

I'm not gonna be nice if someone PURPOSELY violates a boundary. If it's unknowingly tho I can give grace.

[@BernMendez]

Thanks for sharing. Just make sure you really know it's purposely and you're not assuming it is : )

[@meganjohnson9540]

Thank you so much. I can be very unfair. I don’t need to be.

[@BernMendez]

Glad you're noticing your own patterns so you can do better ; )

[@heatherpalmucci5999]

So helpful!

[@BernMendez]

Glad you found this helpful, Heather.

[@nursejen1111]

What about setting a healthy boundary on what you're looking for when you first start dating someone? I always have trouble with this because i don't want to come off as needy etc..

[@Bestmepossible]

If you have done the inner work, you will not be needy to the right partner. Make it known that you like attention if that is what you need.

[@nursejen1111]

@@Bestmepossible 100% agree!👍🏻

[@BernMendez]

Expressing your needs doesn't make you needy. The key is to know when to move on and what needs are appropriate given the length of contact with him.

[@loganandrew40]

❤️❤️❤️I'm really much stunned about your profile and disposition. I also admire your good sense of humor on here , I don't usually write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. I would love to be your friend if you don't mind replying to my comments, God bless you and your family ❤️❤️🙏

[@Jennifer-di4nl]

LOL my ex boyfriends nickname for me was "Ice Queen" 👑😅

[@BernMendez]

Hopefully you're aware of when you're acting in a way that doesn't ultimately serve you : ) Thanks for watching.

[@Jennifer-di4nl]

@@BernMendez Starting to become aware at the age of 45. Better late than never. I'm new to your channel and not sure if you touch on this subject but I find a common cause of inability to set boundaries in women is narcissistic abuse by usually a parent or sometimes a spouse. I know I didn't even understand what a boundary was two years ago...like ZERO idea. My parents would severely punish me if I even showed a hint of a boundary anywhere in my life with anyone. So relearning basic behavior is very hard. Anyway great channel so far!

[@geneveweil2938]

That’s nothing to LOL about. It’s really immature and unevolved and manipulative

[@Bammbi1000]

Help 😢

[@inspirasievirdienasie9628]

Thank you so much!!! I have my own KZbin channel to. "Karien se Kuierplek"

[@BernMendez]

Thank you for watching, Karien.