The

This Podcast looks at the typical dynamics of the covert narcissist's family and their interactions with both the narcissist, and the narcissist's new intimate partner.
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[@faye_bulous]

Dysfunctional family it is, bitterness, rivalry, jealousy, power struggle, backstabbing is all that I’ve seen in the narc’s family.

[@DoubleRainbows-fp6ih]

& mine!( my own family)

[@Hope-bk8nw]

In a nut shell

[@vanessamorey3812]

Spot on!! Always. Never any room for anyone else's thoughts or feelings or personal choices.

[@taraarrington2285]

Hang in there

[@taraarrington2285]

Everyone treated me like what I thought or wanted doesn't matter and all plotted against me and left me for dead. Even try to pit my own children against me. And they have $ and authority while purposefully keeping me down my whole life.

[@terridillon3053]

Im not the one who ran away. I am the one who got away Praise God

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️Terri

[@taraarrington2285]

Amen! God bless

[@LyndaHill]

Your comment touched me deeply. Thank you.

[@Notfromthisworld77]

God bless you

[@salonsavy6476]

The narcs first wife was shunned and labeled “ mentally Ill “,, the second wife was labelled “ a horrible person “, and I left last June with my sanity and they are probably smearing my name everywhere!!

[@ReRe_642]

Of course they are.

[@scourneene]

For sure they are!

[@taraarrington2285]

I didn't think mine was married before but who knows he hid so much from me

[@future8796]

Thank Jesus and God. I’m trying to get out

[@vanessamorey3812]

The bullshit show has come to a close finally, I'm living out of state now praise Jesus, if there ever is a hoover coming anytime in the future my response is going to be quite simple "To every douchebag mother in law making life shitty for everyone out there and getting away with it.... "GO F@!$ YOURSELF..." 🎤drop Peace ✌☮🕊

[@jennywager6228]

Funny thing is I thought they were a normal family. They are amazing actors. This is so spot on, I’m not crazy!!! Yippee

[@cmockingjay7265]

OMG so true!!! Thought they were the Brady Bunch in the beginning, they did everything together (enmeshed) but in the end they’re idea of “Love” is just words because they will ghost you.

[@musicandpoetry_8]

They brainwashed you into thinking it was normal so why would you think differently? I’ve felt so down and depressed in their presence for years but I chalked it up to me just being a miserable person and dealing with personal issues but then one day it dawned on me, this isn’t a healthy way to treat your family

[@LyndaHill]

​@@musicandpoetry_8 They label you as crazy and you wonder if you are as they've abused you or gaslighted you all along that you can feel like you're going out of your mind.

[@dreambig4557]

They are all performative. Good at putting up an act. But one who is emotionally healthy and can see through things, will slowly figure out something isn't right.

[@MI6-W]

Unfortunately this is normal. Study the domestic abuse statistics data. You will be shocked to find most families are the same or worse.

[@tauruswinds37]

Everyone has a role and a part in these toxic families !!!!

[@antoinetterocco3701]

Truth ! They will Cover each other’s back and at the sane time they all turn on wack other Then they act like they’re thick as thieves. Psychos

[@taraarrington2285]

Yep I'm the scapegoat/ truth teller

[@karriesaunders8597]

​@@musicandpoetry_8 it is exactly how it happens,I have a child by a sociopath whose mother is a narc. All their family and friends bullied and abused me as soon as I wouldn't do one unacceptable thing,he turned them all completely against me. I gave our family unit so many chances but the thing that ended it was the very thing that started the initial kick off after our child was born. I've been through hell,everyday is just a day where he visits his new supply,who wasn't meant to be at all. I've been no contact for a couple of years,one call from him in that time AFTER he had already set up a new supply scenario with everything he had talked about doing with me. He already had a lovely child and good partner but deliberately set up another one. They are absolute monsters these families,I've never met people like it in my life before meeting them.

[@Tarotcooks]

Correct 👍

[@elaineknox1023]

I was presented to his mother in a way that made me very uncomfortable. One night after work he and I went out to eat...we drove separately and he asked if I wanted to go for a "little ride". It was getting late...around 10pm but I went along with it. Next thing I know we pull into a neighborhood very close to where we went out to eat and he pulls into a driveway. I asked who lives here? He said you'll see...the house is dark and I'm feeling very uncomfortable at this point. "Does your mother live here?", I asked..."it's late...we will wake her" but we went on in and she was watching TV in the dark. She proceeded to drill me for a half hour and at the end gave me this awkward hug and kiss on the cheek. When we left I asked him "why did I have to meet her tonight...that was extremely awkward". He just smirked...I felt like I needed a shower...lol! He was an only child and always talked about how his mother hated every woman he brought home...oh but she loved me! Yeah right...she was a snake in the grass just like him. Dysfunction at it's best! Whenever I was with the two of them I felt like the 5th wheel....he definitely had mommy issues...

[@elaineknox1023]

@Gemma Dann exactly! This was only the second time we went out...one of many red flags that I ignored. I'm thankful for the lesson though...follow your gut!

[@sunnyclouds1372]

Seems like they all have mommy or daddy issues... just ask them how the parent of opposite sex get along and see how they will treat you.

[@elaineknox1023]

@@sunnyclouds1372 totally agree with you. Unfortunately what you say is the truth. The ex "wasn't close" to his mother but spent a lot of time with her...probably because she had money...there was a motive there but the dynamic between them was unsettling...creepy.

[@saraliburd7752]

Omg I met the nex’ mum once and I felt like I loved her and she loved me …it felt so good……the nex told me she didn’t like any of his other gf’s…..Whoah Hi sisters would asked me early on about his anger 😫 Right at the end one of the sisters told me he was a nightmare when he was in his 20’s ……. Yep cut them ALL off

[@cassiebennet4262]

@@elaineknox1023 Mine absolutely despises his mother but is in complete denial about. He raises her up on a pedestal like she's a saint. She's actually a very nice person but he just has that black and white thinking like most narcs where someone is either all good or all bad. He takes the hate he has for her out on me. It took me years to realise what was going on. Narcs can never own their true emotions and need someone else to take responsibility for them.

[@missminti]

Narc likes to sit on the fence and play both sides. He’ll trash his own mother and then run crying to her when you set a boundary. They love this dynamic. They feel powerful when fucking over and pitting people against each-other.

[@MJ-qb5ph]

Also applies to enablers

[@taraarrington2285]

Hegelian dialectic at its finest. Wonder where he learned that from.

[@heartmomma6460]

Miss Minty. Amen. You said it spot on. Sucks though.

[@sandrathomas2893]

Yes! They're running 2 narratives 24/7. One for captives in their psychotic bubble against the environment and one for the environment devaluing the captives. Not human. JS!

[@jonbessant3490]

Spot on. It was like a cult and they were all feeders ... took 17 of them to New York when I got married and all benefitted for years. Great insight Paula.

[@joannetier3044]

My ex Narcs family know exactly what he is but they always protect him, it’s easy as they all live at least 200 miles away. I was with him 18 years and they knew all about his craziness, his mother even suggested him seeing a psychiatrist!! When I left him, they all cut ties with me, he told them not to contact me. I do blame his parents in many ways, over the years I did pick up on the very strange dynamics of the family, I never felt comfortable with them, they all love drama, nothing is normal. So relieved I am out of it all 😊

[@taraarrington2285]

People tend to enable especially males.

[@BeezyM345]

Absolutely correct! There’s never a sense of peace when around their families… it’s always chaos of some kind, whether big or small it’s there.

[@chernagast6754]

Ironic. I call my husband's family the "wolf pack". Fight and squabble with each other, then turn on you as a group and destroy you.

[@tam.s..9131]

I have heard people say the same thing about my family to me as well..Y.G.T.F.F.I...

[@htpm325]

Same for me, I have never seen so much back stabbing and gossiping in my life. The worst part is they think they are all so great and that their family is the epitomy of families. Glad I'm out!

[@bettywhite8407]

My own family. Used me for their every need. Place to stay, m y working$$$, ohh boy all that free childcare, transportation etc. I always worked 2 different jobs. Where are they now. I thought l was being a good hearted, Helpful person. They thought, l was good for nothing, but to use. Not one but my own whole family purely hated me.

[@susantan7129]

I find that in nature, wolves in a pack have far more loyalty and kindness and support than a human " wolf pack" . Survivors of a Narcissistic family can survive as a " lone wolf ". 🙏

[@antoinetterocco3701]

Same with my ex boyfriend’s family. Talk crap about each other one day and the next they are . The closest family “ that has each other’s back

[@angelinbrooke2324]

The beginning of when I started realizing something was off about this family is one day I was at his parents house all his siblings were there. He brought up how I wanted to go skydiving it was my dream to and we wanted to do it together. His sister acted really jealous and odd about it. I later learned she not only went skydiving but created her own music video to her dive. She was in this competition with me that I wasn't a part of. After we broke up coincidentally I planned on skydiving. The first thing he did was take his sister skydiving. It felt incestuous. They are not normal even with their siblings. I did finally complete MY dream and go with a bunch of my friends. It had nothing to do with any of them. They're delusional people living in competition with everyone around them.

[@MissionForward3]

Narrcisists have no problem using sex to get what they want, and they don't respect societal boundaries. So it's conceivable they would be incestuous if for no other reason but to gain a flying monkey while compromising that person, as well.

[@suir1828]

The same is with their friends. They are pack rats. Ugh.

[@tauruswinds37]

Dangerous Rats !!!!!!!!!!

[@surfshack2]

Yes!! Now I understand what the term "gang stalkers" means. It's sickening.

[@suir1828]

@@surfshack2 indeed.

[@kimmurrell5811]

@Melinda Bloomington8! exactly

[@colindunne674]

I thought my ex narcs family were the "Waltons" the picture of health and loving....what a fall from grace, after discovering what I was involved with. It has taken 5 years to wash the stain....thankfully, there is a beautiful world that actually exists...narcs free!

[@deltastarr3167]

OMG, you are talking about my life. You are point on. His family backed my narc husband and blamed me for everything including his drug addiction (unbeknownst to me he was a drug addict prior to our marriage). They actually blamed me for him discarding me and view me as public enemy #1. Mother-in-law and father-in-law are both dysfunctional as well as the aunts and cousins. My husband was the only child and his mom is definitely a narc and his biggest enabler. I lived with this sickness for 22 years the entire family parents, aunts and cousins are all are a bunch of losers and users.

[@treelover1050]

THIS IS SUCH A STRANGE FAMILY DYNAMIC. I AM SO GLAD TO BE RAISED IN A MORE NORMAL FAMILY. THANKS FOR THIS EXPLANATION.

[@jbuch8608]

I thought I was raised in a normal family until I woke up

[@treelover1050]

@@jbuch8608 WOW!

[@anndillard8681]

Yes - I felt like I was prey and birds were picking at me. I got out.. their attacks would escalate as they tried to pull me back in. After my Dad died - and the narcissist sister died.. it was like the air being let out of a balloon filled with hot evil air.. And yes, now they turn on each other.. your description is perfect.

[@James-bc2oh]

The one thing I noticed with a narcissistic family unit is if their having problems with their partners they all get together and gang up on that partner and make them feel bad about speaking out,they might be a disfunctional family but they all seem to stick together when getting called out,mad mad family

[@vikki-leec6169]

So relateable 😪 mine has got a huge family they are like a cult, I honestly cannot believe how spot on this is

[@janieeauschn2673]

Yep. add a twist of religious extremism and boom.

[@LN-pm5yl]

Same. My ex’s dad has 12 siblings and they’re extremely competitive with each other, their kids etc. Its like a cult and most are divorced with the exes (me included) being totally discarded by everyone at that point.

[@salonsavy6476]

My ex narcs daughters were ridden with disfunction and toxicity’,,, they would triangulate me every chance they got,,, I’m so glad to be free !!

[@taraarrington2285]

They sucks. A bunch of narcissists have been triangulating me for their abuse forever.

[@lovearttherapyalways]

it is such a horrible abusive situation, my ex had a very toxic family... all the sisters were competitive and when I went back to school to get my university degree, all the sisters except one went back to school also... both brothers hit on me and the narcs friends were horrible. I was in a very toxic environment all the time and it really affected my self esteem yet I always strived to work hard and succeed at things despite all their subtle and not so subtle put downs. The only thing I must say where I gave them power to smear me was my reactive abuse... they used that to blame me for the divorce. All completely ghosted me after the divorce whereby beforehand they were constantly at my house for meals and whatever. Reallly disgusting people. It was hell... Glad to be away from the lot of vipers.

[@NarcCon]

So glad your away too!!

[@garycordle5295]

Birds of the same feather flock together 🤔 about that 1 and another thing we are responsible for our happiness know one else and learn to let go of these toxic people so positive people can come in.👍 up

[@JJ-dk1lr]

I have found that growing up with one or both narcissistic parents that they will produce narcissists, borderlines, or codependent empaths. All difficult but codependent individuals can recover and do well in their lives after healing.

[@Joshdifferent]

Yup

[@DoubleRainbows-fp6ih]

Me too. An escapee. 🤗@ 61!!!

[@rosierb852]

My narcissist family completely disregarded me. I think they’re more in the end of spectrum. I got racist slurs behind my back where he and his family made fun of me being part black. And indirectly with his BIL saying “ Fucking n****rs” .And the narcissist gaslighted me that none of this happened even with evidence. He invited them in to abuse me psychologically and verbally. He would raise in voice while bullying me with racist remarks, jokes at my expense. His sister was always giving me dirty looks. His mom didn’t even directly speak to or acknowledge me and only to the narcissist. My hair started coming out in patches. I explained it this way as well. The narcissist’s family are a pack of predators and they bring you around so they can feed on your spiritually energy. Worst time of my life.

[@hanifahal-amin3583]

They are predators.... vampires who must feed....me you anyone. I'm glad you are taking good care of you.

[@sistergoldensunshine4069]

This was the first video I’ve seen after hundreds and hundreds that explained what I experienced with the family. I never “got it” and couldn’t understand how his sister, daughter and mother ghosted me. I thought we had our own “real” relationships. They broke my heart as well. But I now understand better. I let them go but now understand they are just sick individuals as well as the narc. I am still baffled that people are out there that can do this to another person. It’s sick

[@junewade5408]

I remember thinking at time that my my X Narcs siblings were over friendly and seemed to be nearly pulling me into The Family Years later when he discarded me and our Children these same people cut ties with us as if we had done something wrong ignored us completely even though they are Aunts and Uncles to my children They rallied around the Narc like Honeybees round honey and supported him and protected him Still doing it Thank God I'm out of that Toxic situation Its nice to hear this from your perspective Paula thank you I never looked at it like this before

[@NarcCon]

Glad your free June..awful to go through blessings and strength to you and your children 🌹

[@junewade5408]

Thanks Paula the same to you

[@junewade5408]

So Horrible Gemma I hope your children are ok and with you today My kids had their Dad gone then Aunts n Uncles disappeared Hard to explain when they were kids now Adults Best Wishes to you Gemma

[@taraarrington2285]

You're better off. God bless

[@jaradonwigington1936]

I first started dating my ex back in 09, in 2011 right before my dad died I told him who I was dating and the look he gave me spoke volumes. I know now. I moved a county over with my narc in2016 it you are explaining and it didn't last a month there. The uncle was around sisters brothers aunts. Cousins. The uncle was supposed to be a good preacher but he called nerve pills his green gods, the brothers where constantly testing me trying to instigate fights with there friends and I. And one guy was a large man. They all made comments and everyday of that month was a dramatic scene. Gladiator school you nailed that. But god and his angels protected me. All glory to the father son holy spirit!

[@anndillard8681]

I was the golden child and became the scapegoat. My father was a bigger than life narcissist.. a sister a psychologist narcissist.. I escaped.. I am an empath. I would have died has I stayed around them. A tool to assist in awareness & healing DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR - memoir/self-help

[@amazondi9623]

Wow this was amazing!!!!! You are so brilliant!!!! I only wish I had access to it before. I'm 6 years out. I'm healed, I just find this stuff fascinating. And as a super empath I was always a target to bullies. I now understand so much and it has empowered me to have boundaries and to trust my instincts and not to be a door mat to anyone again, despite my kind nature. Soooooo freeing.

[@NarcCon]

Thanks so much for your encouragement and support here..it’s also the best news for us all to hear of your success and positive outlook 🌹🙏

[@user-zy8gk2nn7d]

we as narc's distraction from their own toxicity. I enjoy watching as I remove myself from the group - how they start fighting - like pigs in the pig pen - until somehow they find a new traget. The level of hate they have form their master has to be transmitted to someone else - best other person or a pig - one of their own.LOL

[@future8796]

THEY ARE PIGS IN A PIG PEN. THEY ARE PURE EVIL

[@Nattie_NuNu]

I can totally resonate with this situation. Thank goodness I am away from their toxicity. Thanks Paula 😀.

[@surfshack2]

There is also past ex's and flying monkeys hanging around acting as if they are friends but really they are either watching the drama unfold or they are getting favors or sex from the narcissist. They are acting like they are supporting you and the relationship but really they are waiting around for when you fall from grace and/or the relationship becomes unstable. Especially nowadays with cell phones and Facebook. My ex was very attractive so there were always guys and past ex's hanging around. And also any friends or family that you introduce to the narcissist can also easily become seduced by the narcissist and become part of the drama. It's sick. You are being sucked in to a very toxic and dangerous/unhealthy situation. You can easily lose family and friends in this situation. It can end being very catastrophic for the victim. Great video and topic Paula, you explain it well and needs to be discussed.

[@taraarrington2285]

If someone is in love with you none of that should matter. They wouldnt fall for it. You're better off.

[@surfshack2]

@@taraarrington2285 Thanks Tara , it only took you a year to respond but thanks anyway.

[@Razainthewoods]

Seriously one of the best videoed I have ever watched hands down! You are so absolutely accurate in your describing all of these dynamics. Again, thank you so very much for this validation. Much love to you! ♥️

[@macnchessplz]

“And they don’t have something to feed on- They will then feed off each other.” This vid gets to the nitty gritty of the dynamic and how it might go for a newcomer if it’s bad enough. It’s extremely disturbing information but good information for people to have.Maybe it’ll spare someone from going into a situation like that or similar.

[@srm47]

They all protect each other whilst you tow the line. You are expected to put up with there behaviour, the put downs, sarcasm etc. When you have had enough and dare to speak up for yourself or as they see it, step out of line, that is when you see there true colors as to what they really think of you.

[@susanarapido254]

I walk away 4 families already .including my personal family from my parents i didnt know my own sister was a narc.its full of toxic .now its my own family ..I found my out my ex husband was a covert narc..he took out his mask and all my kids turned against me .they were manipulated .I walk away and I can breath now I feel good.its sad .I missed my kids they are adults now .for myself I'm happy where i am.thanks for all the couches .luv susana

[@Ellie-rp8bh]

Same

[@user-dd3ny4xb3w]

Thank you so much for this. He was from a family of 10 siblings. For 23 yrs I was treated hot and cold some spoke I'll of him behind his back, as he did with them I was included in events sometimes, and sometimes outcast. His one sister never liked me because she adored the previous wife, so she encouraged his last most recent affair because the new supply was a good friend of hers she began singing with him, a partnership, in his solo show this past spring. Consequently the devaluation of me was rapid and brutal for the past 9 mos. All of the rest of the siblings followed suit in the campaign to out me I found out fast who was my friend and who was not. I always felt that none of them wants to be on his badside because they don't want to be on the receiving end of his wrath This has been an emotional challenge and a betrayal unlike any other, not just betrayed by my ex, but betrayed by dozens that meant so much to me throughthe years.. I truly loved many of them I have had to block and delete ALL of them at this point. Like amputating an entire arm because one finger was severed. It's been so incredibly heartbreaking to learn that after 23 yrs, I meant so very little to so many and have to say goodbye to not just one, but to ALL

[@gailmellem9751]

Omgosh sounds like a cult. Really creepy. Thank you, Paula

[@jhanjones]

Never heard the word toxic being used so much in one family . According to them everyone is toxic

[@Joshdifferent]

Narcissist family scapegoat here! Story of my life. Went no contact at 25. I’m now 27. Woke up after breaking up with a narcissist of 5 years I’m from a narcissist family and I dated into one and this makes so much sense Yeah that’s crazy because she told me “your the only one who met my family” (Grandmom , grand pop, ect) Thank you soooo much for your words! They help so much.

[@NarcCon]

Stand tall Josh and give your love to yourself until you don’t accept less from another 🌹

[@karmagal1796]

Not only are they fickle, they act like it’s a game. My in laws went on a cruise with my husband of 29 years, father of their two grandsons, the 90 year old grandmother and his 20 + year old mistress. They then became angry because it was exposed during our divorce. Not angry about the adultery the enabled and helped hide, but that their true colors were exposed. And, the supply is supposed to be secret. She’s inappropriate so they play like she’s not there. They rationalized this and SO much more abuse. These were the people I’d called family for nearly 40 years and stood with me as I buried my brother and mother only weeks apart. They think they won because he is no longer with the wife and children he had loved and loved him. He’s their little boy again. So sad.

[@NarcCon]

Very sad sorry to hear 🌹

[@deltastarr3167]

I know the pain you are feeling. Keep moving forward and enjoying your life that is the best revenge.

[@karmagal1796]

@@deltastarr3167 thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement. Truly. I wish you peace and happiness as well.

[@MrsD3Aer]

Very good description of the family I grew up in. My mother was the pack leader (high on the scale, if not a psychopath), my older sister was the golden child and also very high on the scale and very certainly a psychopath. My stepfather was the enabler and I, the youngest daughter, the truth teller/empath and of coarse the scapegoat doormat. Growing up and living in this dynamic is hell. And certainly it is damaging as an empath. I realized at older age what a sick family I came from. I’m still having therapy for the pain they caused and grieve they gave along. Though I’m so blessed that I always stayed close to my own hart and never became they way my familie was. Finally the parents died and I left to never want to see my sister ever more.

[@jackgoodings]

They're like a witches haven, a vampire den

[@lorettarichardson8276]

Paula you explain it the best . Please explain more on the mother in law. Nasty person indeed.

[@user-dd3ny4xb3w]

You ate literally describing the last 23 yrs of my life!!!! He has a family if 10 siblings, 1/2 of whom did not like me because they adored the wife before me. Yet they all spoke I'll of her to me, but behind the scenes were speaking ill of me. I did get some warnings from them about the narc from some of them. Yet they all knew and met everyone of his affairs that he had while with me. I literally had no clue they were encouraging this most recent affair until 4 mos ago. They bought all of his awful lies and smear about me. He is a singer in local bars and brought his sister on this spring. She is narcissistic as well and always disliked me. A recipe for disaster for me. I was doomed and devoured. Hrwas hooking up with her friends after their shows. In public. I worked (administrative) alot so I couldn't make many of his shows. Long story short, including his other 2 ex3s and children, I was outed by roughly 40 people (spouses off siblings, children included) That hasd been the worst betrayal of all, more so than him because I was used to that from him. They have all embraced his much younger widowed supply.😢

[@joejaggers659]

Her family looked at me probably like here is another one she is going to destroy. I asked her were u raised by a pack of wovles? I was joking. There looking at u like u have no idea buddy!!!!

[@Razainthewoods]

My ex husband’s family looked at me this way when we got married....I found out recently that they placed bets that we wouldn’t last two months....I lasted 8 years by ignoring most of his attempts to sabotage me. How sad just to say that!

[@joejaggers659]

@@Razainthewoods it wasn't invein it's all written in the book for the Man up stairs!!! God gave us intusion and he wanted to teach us we have to use it. As empaths we see the good in everyone. He wanted to teach us there is evil in the world. It was not invein empaths engery is the best and we have to protect that!!!! Narcissistism is the new second hand smoke if your around it long enough it will make you sick

[@surfshack2]

Yep Joe exactly. In my case it was not only her family/friends but MY family/friends and acquaintances. Luckily my family didn't fall for it.

[@Razainthewoods]

I went through this with my golden child ex husband....and he was always the victim and would play his mom and dad against me...it was so shocking to see his mom’s venomous treatment of all sisters and daughters in law. He knew what he was doing and did it was a slight smile. So glad I’m out. I felt like his family dynamics were similar to what I grew up around....

[@NarcCon]

Yes Rebecca the familiar draws us in ❤️

[@Mysticus11]

Family mobbing is sickening and all the more so when they manage to get ur own family in on the torture. Devastating

[@seanconway1874]

This My life to a T , watching the narcissist treat their partners , me as not worthy of them , Don’t forget they are special we are not.my oh my it’s discussing but so true the infighting in the family was at times so brutal,when they came to see us all the focus was on me .Take care and heal ❤️

[@KJT1567]

He’s 50, it’s been 10 years since we divorced and it’s been WWIII ever since. My daughter, our youngest chose to live with her dad when I had to move for work. She came home and never wants to speak to him again. He was so abusive to her and angry because she looks like me. My poor daughter had to pay for my choice of who I married. All she wanted was a dad. Lots of healing and therapy on my end. My oldest sons have been brainwashed.

[@cosmicsageastrology]

Give them grandchildren ....my mother in law actually said to me....the boys (my twins)....are mine. She stated the boys are mine...it was creepy because she put her fingers up to her mouth and wiggled her fingers. Like doctor evil! I always felt something off by the entire dynamics of the family. The acted so polite and nice. Took me 25 years to figure it out.

[@nancinew8288]

Yeah that’s what they do. They act so nice and polite but you know the whole entire time that something is off with these people

[@kittydigins4943]

My mother claimed my second child as her own and favored him it was very strange we went no contact recently with that side of my family they are extremely toxic and just like she described my childhood was full of abuse I couldn’t even comprehend until recently and I’m now 40 thanks to my husband I’m finally free and my own kids are protected

[@taminorthup815]

It's exactly what happens when you walk away they come for your children and everyone you hold dear.

[@cindybates6633]

Cousins too! Anyone they know you have a connection with.

[@jerrymyers7178]

True, my family, pack of Wolves, was split, 1/2 were narcs and 1/2 empaths. There are NO normal's in the pack.

[@anyways661]

You nailed it again, Paula.🌿 And you made me laugh when you said how everything is WONDERFUL with these freaks. My narc ex and his family's fake word was "Awesome!" And everything "Awesome" was a "blessing". And everyone in the family was "tough". Except for when they were "feeling a little tender". Probably because of someone like me "Picking them apart". This is when golden boy would have to go home to mommy for a "respite".

[@NarcCon]

😊❤️🙏

[@cazz3031]

Lol, just as i thought ny ex narc a proper mommy's boy, but they couldn't be arsed with him and knew exactly what he was🤢

[@soniajoy3727]

Thanks for sharing

[@janetdarlington7720]

My older sister is the golden child. She cooperated and played along. She wanted to be center and had all parents attention and did not want to share with the 2nd child (me). She was first born and entitled and selfish. No empathy. I was scapegoat. Would not play the game and was dropped early on.

[@htpm325]

It is impossible to describe my ex-wifes family cult in this comment box. I cannot even decide on an event or person to write about. It's like trying to figure out the top ten from a sample of ten thousand. I got out after a 24 year marriage and have been no contact with the entire cult for over 4 years. The hardest part was losing my kids. I think my son was born a narcissist, he had no chance as my own family of origin was as dysfunctional as my ex-wifes so there are genes on both sides. My own family of origin were never really part of our lives and I am also no contact with all of them. My very talented daughter (no longer pursuing her talent) was turned against me, is a narcissist herself now and I think functions as one of the family's top scapegoats. There is a revolving door on scapegoats and nobody is immune from the wrath of my ex father in-law and his flying monkeys who are all basically the aunts, uncles and cousins of my ex-wife. It is all really sick and twisted and the narcissists easily out number the few empaths who all just tow the line. One of the biggest jokes ever was learning that my ex father in-law told everyone that upon his death I was forbidden from attending his funeral. Talk about ego, holy shite! Peace!

[@JC-gn9iu]

Yes. I have literally referred to the family as a pack of wolves and a nest of vipers. There are a few good people, but they either live far away, or make excuses for the others. Every time, without fail. I have never tolerated any of it quietly, and these people have literally banded together to try to destroy my character to anyone who will listen. Especially people who are in the circle or orbit that have never met me or aren't around much. They took turns monitoring my movements for him until I said I was pressing charges for stalking if they didn't stop. They intercepted packages and mail, and giving it all to him in secret so he can keep tabs on what I'm doing and also hide things from me that he's doing, until I threatened to involve the post master to levy charges of mail tampering. And I have heard over and over how vile and evil I am for even considering such things because they are just being helpful, after all. My narc mother in law got so critical and disrespectful that I told them all she can't come back to my house unless she can learn how to behave. They openly mock, humiliate, and shame at every opportunity. They crossed a line spending hundreds of dollars on their favorite grandchildren and buying dollar store dollies for mine. Now, I'm not materialistic at all, but that is the playing favorites game trying to crop up into the new generation and I will not tolerate that. I told them not to ever buy any other gifts for mine at all, that I would provide for them myself. They were positively livid. And I don't care. But, I have fought this battle for almost a decade, and I'm to a point where I'm ready to light up this bridge and watch it burn. Figuratively speaking. I feel my inner Bernadette rising up. Lol

[@KJT1567]

OMG! Again. Glad I found your channel. My ex husband, Covert Narc, was spoiled rotten by his mom, aunts, cousins, etc. his family was huge. They treated him like gold and I was treated, as his wife, like “meh.” His mom couldn’t stand me. When I left and we divorced. He smeared my name and just like that, they punished me by cutting me off in every capacity. It was weird because we have children.

[@juliesmith6168]

This is exactly what happened to me, my ex narc was a widower, his mother-in-law, daughter and son were especially cruel. His daughter weaponised her granddaughter, filling her child's head with hate for me. I grew to love this little girl and had bonded with her as a baby. How people can do this and groom their own children to hate is beyond me.

[@heartmomma6460]

OMG, you said exactly what I've said for years even before knowing the term "Narcissist". My husband passed away 18 mos ago & it's been an absolute hell trying to finish raising my 2 boys (14 & 17). Their dad would go into a rage if I ever tried to ask them to help with simple household tasks like putting their dishes in the dishwasher or put their clothes in the hamper not all over the bathroom floor. They were taught to completely disrespect me & think I was a looney. Never showed an ounce of gratitude and definitely followed thru for 18 mos worse than they were before. I'm only good enough to buy them cars, pay expensive car ins, buy them the best cell phones & pay higher fees so they can have the best to still feel entitled, give them gas & fun money. Yet they won't lift a finger to do anything around the home & it's tough doing my regular tasks + all the yard work & repairs needed to get our home sold since we can afford it due to their father failing to fill out his paperwork so we never had any life policy, he was cheating on me for the past 5 yrs & had taken loans out on every vehicle we had paid off, took all his 401k money & gave it to "someone" to hold until he finally got the guts to leave us. The LIES he spread to the outside world & his family to justify his cheating on me made it so that barely anyone he worked with + his family came to his funeral to support the family he left behind. Between ALL his family & the few friends who showed up they gave a total of FIFTY dollars to help pay for his $12,000 funeral. Now not 1 person in his family has acknowledged my son's even in the past 18 mos & certainly not me other than some very un-polite emails random family sent since I divulged that he had been having a 5 yr hidden love affair. That man left this family 5 yrs before he died as every spare moment was him on his phone texting, messaging or going off to hide making phone calls to her. At their 2 yr point in their love affair they vowed to never be in a picture with their spouses including NO family pictures, no more vacations with the spouse which obviously meant our kids were left to not have any family vacations in now 6 yrs this summer. How sad because the Narcissist stole all the wonderful memories our boys should've had all because he was such a fake & liar making himself out to be the perfect father & spouse outside these closed walls of our home. Now his "Golden Child" has become a complete monster after his dad died. That son is not only verbally & emotionally abusive but he also physically abuses me. I'm scared of my own child & don't know what to do. He now turned 18 & has bought 2 guns. He threatened all the time if I push him too far he will take my life. Anymore I would prefer he did as the hell I live in now makes me not want to be on earth any longer. My boys are absolutely horrible to me & now swear every other word & never have anything nice to say to me. They blow up in a rage over the dumbest most trivial things. Their rage is also scary. If I call the cops then all of a sudden they act so sweet, innocent, kind & nice yet claim I'm the crazy lady who needs to be hauled off to a mental institution. I wish there was help for parents who are abused by their teenage children like CPS exists for keeping children safe from bad parents. I'm beyond devastated & still trying to come to terms I'm a widow at the worst age of 47. If my husband hadn't left us financially destitute & loads of debt I'm now responsible to pay - it sucks & breaks my heart trying to tell myself to heal all while still thinking of him being so coy with his hidden live affair. Nor to mention dealing with his smear campaigns on a small rural community ~ how can I ever get others to realize I was a great wife & nothing like the lies he spewed. I even have lost the few former friends I thought I had & ALL my siblings haven't spoken to us in over a year. How can family turn their backs on their nephews? I can understand an adult sibiling but not an innocent child. Death brings out the absolute worst in people is all I have learned in 18 mos. Here I thought life was bad living with a Narcissistic husband but now it's 10x worse than when he was alive. My boys refuse therapy nor willing to admit their behavior is even a teensy bit unethical. I'm lost & don't know what to do. It's not like I can walk away now - I have to finish raising these overly abusive children somehow. Calling the cops only has back fired on me the 3x I did so even that doesn’t wake them up to change. OH and the oldest son / former Golden Child has also started doing drugs to top it off. He knows I'm agsinst that & tattoos which is another thing he keeps stealing my money to get. I really am lost moreso now than ever. Please people leave your spouse before you end up in my situation. Trust me ~ it eats at me realizing if only I had left him years ago even I felt desperate to get away. My codependency only grew worse each year I stayed with him until I got to the point I became numb & started isolating myself from not only my husband but our son's which he turned into his pack of wolves ready to attack me anytime I came too close to their territory. It was like I was the blood to support 3 hungry vampires always on the attack. I swore the fact I would breathe was upsetting to all 3 of them. He had brainwashed my son's terribly & sure left a mess behind for me to try & cope with.

[@ericnorthman9410]

His mother was my complete downfall. He was a "momma's" boy and they took it to the hilt. She ruled . I didn't even make his list - not ever. I asked over and again Why ? he married me. I found out later. A complete nightmare. When he made up his mind to leave I know I was the main topic of conversation at all their family get togethers and that was really annoying. I just didn't want to be discussed - because I hadn't done anything.

[@tammyfitzgerald5336]

Exact same thing here wow 🙏🏽💯💥🙌

[@libertycan6959]

I experienced this. It's EVIL

[@tanyaduggan85]

This is this best video I've seen regarding the narcissist. I've 3 siblings and mother , I'm the Empath (highly sensitive) I've called them all out as they are disgusting humans. And the innocent child in my family have been ruined. I tried to save them but they turned them all against me.

[@LN-pm5yl]

I have so much anger towards my narcissist ex’s family. We share children so unfortunately I still have to acknowledge their existence at times. His parents are now divorced, Dad is a narcissist and I think his Mom is covert. His mom is such an enabler and the family collectively works to dehumanize me at every turn while claiming to love our children. The children are mere props used for perception management purposes only. The dysfunction goes back generations.

[@rebeccahowie7234]

My ex’s family is the most fake group of people you’ll ever meet!!! They care so much about everyone’s opinion and they keep their dysfunction swept under the rug!! It’s very very weird!!! His family basically sold him to me, like saying how great he is and all he does and what a great father figure he’d be. They even told me that me and my kids should move on from losing their father because they have a new father figure. I was once so grateful for him and his family; then boom, I was just discarded along with my kids out of no where!!! It was shocking!!

[@RealLadi228]

They are all crazy! Pieces to a dysfunctional puzzle more or less.

[@cynthiarunge4858]

Wow this was my family and family I married Into ...then my family aided with his family . Now I am dealing with daughter because of this ...she is self centered

[@laurenlevon]

Thissss shitttt isssss scaryyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeee! Like omg this can’t be life right now. Jesus help me 😞

[@curlytopkitty2468]

I hear ya...much love..❤

[@surfshack2]

No contact!

[@erikafox7245]

Yes my entire family narcissistic and idealism my husband who hasn’t supported me ever. Putting him on a pedestal always. Treated me like crap 💩.

[@Godismystrength2222]

The husband's mother regulates his emotions- its basically emotional incest. Im his wife in name alone and serve his needs but his mother is the one he confides in emotionally and she rather than encouraging him to be a good husband enables his behavior. The narcs family was over the top in seeming very kind and welcoming i thought wow what a genuinely kind and loving family it wasnt until after the wedding that i saw their kindness is fake. They move together as a unit. In real healthy family dynamics typically a family may be welcoming but not so over the top initially and there is trust built with time and an actual interest of understanding or knowing you as a person and encouraging their son to be a good spouse instead of enabling him to behave as a child. Also be wary of what the narc is saying behind your back they set you up to look crazy but that they love and tolerate youre crazy behavior. Theres a lot to unpack but the biggest thing is enmeshment the mother controls the children subtly and never cut the apron strings so they rely heavily on her

[@karenflowers4079]

Very good Paula. I needed to hear this. Thank you so much.

[@LoveEndures7]

Every family get together of their's had some sort of chaos and arguments going on... 😵‍💫...

[@jans724]

This is so horrible! A whole pack to deal with. In my case the covert narcissict's mother is in symbiosis with her daughter. I have to co-parent and protect my baby daughter against the narcissist mother. I tried to call the narcissists mother (i.e. my daughters grandmother) several times to help 'calm down her daughter'. I was so naive. They are in some symbiosis.. The insanity only increased. I have escaped, am now in a massive smear campaign and have to find a way to protect my baby daughter against the mother (and grandmother). This is a nightmare. Beware of these people and get the hell out as soon as you can!! They are evil!!

[@user-mm7fm9wn9y]

You may need a lawyer

[@sunnydaysunnyday7101]

during the relationshit with the narc ex I would text his sister and ask for help with his money issues, with his alcoholism. She would then say she knows about his alcoholism. But as I continue to text her about our problems and request her to speak to him she would at some point tell me that I am making drama and that she doesn't know anyone who would speak badly about her husband (!). OK. So year later, our baby had accident under his care and I tell social services about his problem. He would be drinking daily, hiding bottles and smoking marihuana. I told social services about it all at this point hoping he would go for treatment. Instead he discarded me and kids. I called his sister to ask her to speak to him. BIG MISTAKE!!! She only said that its all my fault, that if I don't shut up they will take my children away and she wants to be a foster mum. WTF!!!!!!!!! I imidiateoy pack all things and bought tickets to my parents country. NO contact for life with these mental trashes!!!! INSANE beyond words.

[@NarcCon]

Wow..so glad you got out..dangerous situation 🌹

[@sunnydaysunnyday7101]

I am so glad I am no longer with him but I had to put a lot of work to came to the point I am now. Videos of yours helped me tremendously. Luckily kids and I are safe now. No more of this brainwashing

[@sunnydaysunnyday7101]

Thank you Paula from bottom of my heart for all you do ❤

[@amber40494]

I was devastated by some things my narc mother had done to hurt me deeply. I then moved away from her to a town where i didnt know anyone. I got a job and started some college classes. Then i met the covert narc i married and stayed with for 16 years. He didnt have to work at devaluing me, since i had devalued myself already. He just cheated, lied, and deceived with ease. No need to be charming, to talk about love, or pretend any level of caring.

[@lordsberg]

Thank you Paula! This helped me so much!! As you know the pain of losing not only her but my family which is her family, and my adopted Nation has been heart wrenching. But this information rings true in so many ways. When I left I was struggling to bring in the family to help us and to help me to help her, but I was ghosted as you said and somehow put down and made to be a lesser person. So much of this all adds up. And I'm more thankful to move on. And eternally grateful to You! God bless you! Love, and Shalom 🕊️😇🐩💖

[@djnquire]

My ex's family consisted of 5 daughters, her 5 siblings, mother, father, cousins. They all stick together no matter what. They've made my life difficult and hard to move about my day without running into one of them and after 8 years of being a good guy to them, they don't even say hi.

[@bettinacarol1301]

The family unit is a mafia. They obey all the narcissists desires. His sister actually told me after the finale: 'You were soooo goood for him". Yep. Sure. They were off the hook. His mother especially knew exactly from day one that he would try to destroy me one day when he got bored. I was very honest & kind & genuine with all of them from day one,, but also they showed no apreciation or gratitude. They played along with the drama & cowardly stood to him when he sneaked off. Well what is left to say? Nothing. Let them watch the next gladiator game. If it makes them feel good, fine. Not for us to be part anymore. Ty

[@vickipacheco9787]

What went on in the fam.of origin (both parents Narc's) was prosecutable. I left @14 yrs old, got away from the functional lunatics merry go round. Both so called parents are deceased but, the persons left are self medicating to get through life.( excluding myself) am Grateful to my Higher Power.20 yrs.of AlAnon has help me to understand the THREE "C"s. I didn't CAUSE it I can't CURE it & I can't CONTROL it. I'm the hated Truth speaker in the so called family that I have chosen not to go along with THE PEOPLE OF THE LIE. GOD BLESS TOTALLY LOVIES.THANK YOU PAULA✨️🕊🙏🕊❣️

[@delaw2xoxo269]

So true I always felt like I was in a lion's den when I was around my ex-narc family. Thank God I'm free.

[@melosa6671]

Makes perfect sense once one has time to step back and analyze the dynamics. Interestingly I was thinking along the same path and you have confirmed my suspicions. How would only one sibling be damaged in a nest of 2 or more. ❤❤❤

[@julieprinsloo2232]

Why do they do this ...why do they try and destroy other people?My partners mother and brother were dangerous.The whole family went along with them.She left home at 18 but had phone contact and rare contact .This was enough for her mother to bully her and keep her mum and all the bullies happy.As soon as she refused to speak to her motherafter 40 years they turned on her brother .He was the golden boy and drug addict.Her mother vould no longer say to her i only love your brother so he lost his value.She then teemed up with the grandson .The brother got very ill they did not take him to hospital for two weeks and he died. The mother had a glamorous funeral and enjoyed the attention.This was so good she had another funeral at sea for him because he was in the navy a few months.

[@lisabarrow5]

Wholly crap....been an irish woman sandwiched between two Italian families...his mother HATED me....my husband was sleeping with her best friends daughter...he and i had a son together....lived in the tribe downstairs from them....stayed 10 yrs more thinking that moving out finally after 7 years would prove a difference....nope...divorced when my son was 7...and his dad is still insistent that it is ok for the man but not the women to cheat.

[@antoinetterocco3701]

They went from love to hating me. Animals is a good word !

[@phoenixrising4768]

This is very creepy. Right out of a psychological thriller. I would like to just keep quite and work on my financial independence.

[@KristineLange-kb1ep]

I now understand why my exhusband refused to protect me from his family and my mother refused to protect me from my siblings.

[@tinabendz7501]

Omg THATS what is happened then and still can provoke panic attack in my body even it’s 9 years sines I left, it’s the loneliness and being totally ignored..... and I haven’t learned to cope with the experience 😳😁❤️ thanks ....

[@surfshack2]

You get panic attacks from the trauma bond and soul-tie the narcissist put on you. Unfortunately you will still feel it from time to time until the narcissist actually dies. But you can continue to work and improve yourself and live healthy and toxic free.

[@billfitzpatrick8148]

They'll follow the script the narc has written, and act accordingly.

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️ Bill

[@GGVanilla]

They’ll want to see if there’s any meat on those bones… Wow. That’s basically what it is… Thank you for your extremely insightful videos. They’re helping me through some really terrible times.. I’ve heard this information before but sometimes you have to hear it in a way that speaks to you for it to finally sink in.

[@NarcCon]

🙋‍♀️🙏🌹

[@rwdchannel2901]

I was adopted by narcissistic parents when I was 5 years old. My mother's mother moved into the house and was the butler. She was a big narc too and her husband offed himself before I was adopted. I had one brother and two sisters. My oldest sister was the golden child and the other sister the black sheep. My brother and I were black sheep too but higher up on the ladder. Once my black sheep sister left the family I was next on the abuse list. I escaped that by going no contact with my parents when I was 35 years old. Now my brother is probably getting the abuse. I don't expect to get anything in the will when my mother dies though she claims to be a millionaire.

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌹

[@teresahelman1252]

Was skape goat of an entire narc family for 60 years , I will never wrap my mind around the evil that indwells these people but half of them have passed , only one brother was empathic but he never stood up for me he was the forgotten or ignored one. I have a covert older sister , overt sadistic younger brother and of course the younger golden child brother. My life has been a living hell trying to be accepted and validated . They have mobbed and smeared me to every one possible so that I'm isolated with no emotional support, if this is what your living please get out however possible because they will destroy you by many many cuts to your soul . I have gone no contact it is the only way to end their abuse. It's like their all crap stirrers fighting over the same crap spoon. Run and don't look back . I believe my mom was a covert and my father was highly sadistic , had it not been for God I would never have survived that much abuse and enmeshment . Don't try for years like I did it will destroy your physical and mental health , thank you for your video's and enlightenment on narc abuse.

[@jeffsutherland141]

This helped me greatly! I have a hard time believing that someone can be so screwed up. But this video helped me see how this disfunction is fostered and engrained into someones personality and soul! It can happen quite easily in some families!

[@MelodyLovesMusic]

You are so spot on in all of your videos! Thank you so much for sharing such great knowledge. How I wish I had known all of this so much earlier. As they say, it's never too late to learn. Thank you xx

[@NarcCon]

🌹🙏

[@lisalightfootgallery7034]

Omg The pack of wolves. Yes Been there got the tshirt. That family x and daughters where crazy. Talk about disfunction! praise God I am out of that hell.

[@musicandpoetry_8]

If you walk away from family occasions feeling guilty for simply being yourself, they’re toxic and you should ultimately cut them off once you have a better support system but this is all very challenging to do

[@mannabegum394]

This video is so accurate!

[@orana23]

This is SO HELPFUL ... having tried to grandparent what feels unsuccessfully, for a very long time in the situation described, this is like "food to the soul"to learn how to do no more harm for these precious children. Any podcast you can do to support loving grandparents keep a connection with the children (without going legal and "in love) would be greatly appreciated. Thank you Paula.

[@johndoe-ry3tc]

i can totally relate paula if you turn the letter p upside down it would be the letter b for "brilliant" oh my you have the knowledge thank you and i hope you're having a wonderful day :)

[@NarcCon]

🙏❤️

[@eurokay4755]

I think my mother is a covert N. Very, very insecure and dependent on others for her sense of self. While Dad was living, she was "full", I guess, so I wasn't aware of how incredibly toxic she could be. I was vaguely aware that our relationship was at its best when I was "performing", i.e., being praised by teachers, music directors, her friends, etc. but she never asked or showed any curiosity about struggles, worries, or pain I might be dealing with. In the meantime, my older brother was a physical and psychological bully who made a big show of rejecting the family but in doing so required most of our parents' attention, because he was never not in trouble at school, in the neighborhood and at home. Mom couldn't do enough for him. Now, the dynamic is very clear. Dad, the strong and stable parent, passed away 20 years ago. During that time, older brother (divorced and bouncing between a series of jobs because of "idiot" supervisors) and Mom became inseparable. Mom built him a house, and they spent many evenings together with family friends, etc. During these years, Mom became randomly hostile to me, indirectly. She would ignore me in public, for example, turn around and go the opposite direction in the grocery store and then act surprised, as if she hadn't seen me, when I called out. She gave me the cold shoulder so blatantly at a small luncheon we both attended that others noticed. She "forgot" to mention the family vacation she planned (VRBO, plane tickets, etc) for my brothers, their families and herself until the weekend before they all left on their coordinated flight together. When Mom's Alzheimer's became impossible not to notice, and she began falling, requiring ER trips and long hospital stays, older brother moved as far away as it's possible to be without leaving the country, to live with his only child, a daughter, and her husband's family. My other brother has not lived nearby since graduating from college, and is solidly committed to not being around as much as possible. As I've been caring for Mom, it's become extremely obvious that most of Mom and Dad's very close friends, many whom I've known for decades, want nothing to do with me. They cannot get off the phone or out of Mom's apartment fast enough when I'm there, can barely say hello to me or look at me directly, and are clearly uncomfortable around me. It's become unmistakably obvious. I suspect that during those years that Mom and older brother were so incredibly enmeshed, that they fed each other's resentments and disappointments in life and maybe it felt "good" to disparage and malign me because it may appear to them that I have an unreservedly good life. I don't know what they did or didn't do, say, or think about me, if anything. I do know what I experience, though, and it's so theatrically awkward for Mom and her supportive friends that it would be funny if it didn't make me so sad for her. I can get along without my brother, and without Mom's old friends, but they aren't the ones she has to depend on to make sure her bills are paid, her care is coordinated, her medications are administered properly, etc. That would be me. I do everything that's necessary and many things that aren't, but that make her life a little nicer. I can see the confusion and disappointment (?) in her face every time. She is my daily opportunity to be better than I was the day before. We're all here for just a moment in time. Don't waste any part of it giving your joy, your time, your dignity or your trust to people who can't care about you.

[@NarcCon]

🌹🌹

[@saraliburd7752]

Wow….you are so so right….I thought I loved his family….I thought they loved me

[@hanisgirl]

I really so much appreciate your explanation style, the warmth of your wisdom and insights. Thank you for taking the time to share your knowledge and experiences with us. Deeply appreciated and received with much gratitude. ✨💖✨

[@NarcCon]

🙏🌹