The Cursed Half-Life of the Pirates Franchise

[@maggie5990]

She tells the pirates how to follow the stars at night. She tells pirates, who have been sailing for 20+ years, that they can use the stars as navigation!

[@geniehossain3738]

Like how do the screenwriters think pirates/sailors in general navigate the ocean? Through radar technology that totally existed during that time period?

[@JustAskMeTV101]

Well your average deckhand won't have any need to learn navigation

[@wirelesmike73]

Yeah, that bothered me too.

[@joe-q2n]

@@JustAskMeTV101 Funny you should say that, because in the 18th century there was a big race to figure out a way to calculate longitude out at sea (latitude was easily calculated by the angle of the sun at noon). There were two main competing methods, using a clock to measure the change in time zone (the trick was to make an accurate enough clock that wouldn't get knocked around by the sea), and using star chart (tricky to get all the measurements to get the method to work). Now the board in charge of deciding a winner were really in favour of astronomy (despite some utterly gorgeous time-pieces made by John Harrison) because they didn't like the idea that any sailor who could tell the time could navigate, they wanted it to be a noble art of the intelligent officer class.

[@dalentoews3418]

@@joe-q2n wasn't the main reason for not wanting to use time was because then every ship needed a super accurate time piece.

[@matman000000]

In the first movie, Jack was a smart, inventive character who always managed to get out of trouble by surprising and manipulating his enemies. Then they turned him into a drunken idiot who survives thanks to pure luck.

[@cwilliams523]

So you mean they just take whatever Johnny Depp is at the time. He's not even acting.

[@alicelopez130]

Yucket Gang OMG

[@doubleawesometv8687]

Just like they did with Scott Lang in Ant-Man & The Wasp

[@DAEsaster]

So Jack Sparrow devolved into Archer?

[@thekillers1stfan]

except for every scene in the second movie where he is semi-successfully manipulating everyone...

[@stephenturner4715]

I love the effort Jenny puts into her themed outfit and pillow combinations.

[@juliansantiago9107]

omg i ahvent noticed the pillows

[@ATFprdepartment]

@@juliansantiago9107 gotta pay more attention, the background she creates in every video is half the fun!

[@emilychurch1214]

I love that she has a r/blahaj

[@raystinger6261]

But no effort on editing her videos... Seriously, I'm not just trolling her, she's nice and all, but her videos really could use some creative editing to pace her speech better. The way that it is right now is monotonous - maybe that should be deadpan humour, but she failed at that.

[@jettqk1]

@@raystinger6261 I actually love her vibe. I find it's half of her charm and humor. I also like her editing style, especially the way the video just ends without any notice. It's just over. I think it's hilarious.

[@DiegoPoop]

The addition of a 4th and 5th Pirates movies after the climax of the original 3 feels like when you have a nice goodbye with someone but then you both walk away going the same direction. And it just becomes awkward still being around this person after the goodbye.

[@joebenzz]

This is the funniest comparaison i've ever seen 🤣

[@Irisverse]

Same goes for Toy Story.

[@alienatedlibrarian5017]

Like When Harry Met Sally! "I'll just stop walking, I'll let you go ahead."

[@Hamter_mental_counseling]

Idk I never took these movies very seriously they are just popcorn entertainment so the more the better. They do become nearly unwatchable eventually but I forgot when

[@HerHollyness]

That clunker of a title drop was even worse in the UK and other foreign markets where, for some unknown reason, the title was changed to ‘Salazar’s Revenge’. So he does this whole awkward lead up to the phrase ‘Dead Men Tell No Tales’, and then the title card appears showing a completely different title! Absolutely ridiculous.

[@Flowtail]

They could’ve at least had the decency to make it a snake pun

[@albertskoften1452]

@@Flowtail They can't. Harry Potter is Warner Brothers domain.

[@dragon_1333]

Not in Portugal because Salazar is the surname of the dictator that ruled the country for 30 + years.

[@E_FoxSnowspirit]

yIKES

[@timothymclean]

That would kinda make sense in markets where "dead men tell no tales" isn't a well-known idiom. But I'm pretty sure they say that in the UK.

[@cjames745]

The Pirates movies should be like the Mad Max movies, where it's really somebody else's story and Jack Sparrow just wanders into the middle of it.

[@TooCooFoYou]

He could've been the Jay and Silent Bon of the franchise.

[@titanuranus3095]

And also where they cast him with some one who isn't awful.

[@tarvoc746]

Yeah, that was how it was for the first three movies (the only ones who actually worked imo): They were really Will Turner and Elisabeth Swan's story, and Jack Sparrow just wandered into it.

[@koboldcatgirl]

I was just about to say, Pirates is like if you released three sequels to Fury Road where Max is just a nonverbal growling jerk like he was at the start of the movie, except he's also a romantic lead.

[@incanticle6662]

which is what he was originally supposed to be beyond the 1st film.

[@Niobesnuppa]

Honestly, I think the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise would work a lot better as a series if they went more with the Mad Max route and made Jack Sparrow be this mysterious side character that ties the movies together. That way he would continue to have the appeal and mystery he had in the first movie, and the audience woldn't become overexposed to him. This would also be a slightly more unique way of doing a series, by making the main characters be new and unknown eah time while the most well-known character works more in the background.

[@johnmorrell3187]

*cough Brandon Sanderson and hoid in the cosmere

[@dontburstmybubble686]

Niobesnuppa I’m here for it

[@joshuafetter3831]

Which is kind of the role Barbossa plays. Which is why he is consistently the best character in the later movies.

[@emerson3323]

ah yes, the varric tethras route

[@wjzav1971]

That would have been actually pretty genius

[@ajgreen1997]

I think Johnny Depp is actually dead and his purgatory is to keep making Pirates movies because Disney owns his soul.

[@littlewinterflower1831]

ajgreen1997 That would make a lot of sense...

[@crit-c4637]

ajgreen1997 Agree about the Disney owning his soul part, but he's actually been in a number of good movies over the past 3 years (only 1 of them being a Disney movie however). So I think the issue is Disney and not Johnny.

[@jorgehanel8837]

Its a Gaunter O'Dimm style deal

[@block4562]

I think his purgatory is just simply being johnny depp. It's not a fate I'd wish for

[@davidsteele2198]

ajgreen1997 makes sense

[@ripwitch9833]

We need a Pirates movie where they only use Jack Sparrow impersonators, but each time a scene changes, it's a different impersonator. No one will be the wiser till the credits come and there's a huge list for who played Jack Sparrow.

[@Mngalahad]

so like shrek retold?

[@dalastdon2574]

So Imaginarium of Parnassus?

[@TheBc99]

Also it takes Johnny Depp out of the picture while keeping his beloved character. A win-win in my book.

[@josephschultz3301]

No joke, I would love that. I mean, I'd also like the movie itself to be competently made, but if there were literally three dozen different actors all portraying Sparrow then I'd definitely watch it just for the wtf of it all.

[@PoochieCollins]

That idea's ridiculous. I love it.

[@Yammenkow]

The other element of Jack Sparrow's mystique that makes him work in the 1st movie the ambiguity of whether he is even competent. He is constantly being underestimated by some characters ("that's the worst pirate I've ever seen") and overestimated by others (believing his tale about tying sea turtles together). Even the audience, when you learn he used to be the captain of the Pearl, you're supposed to think "THAT guy?? Was a legit captain?? Really?" He rides that line between a legend and a fraud and that's what makes him interesting. Which is why in by the third movie, when he is literally recognized by all the pirates as one of a small handful of pirate legends and his dad is the pirate loremaster or whatever it dispels that ambiguity and makes him kind of boring.

[@trashcant69]

Hot take: you can't keep up the ambiguity for too long, so if they'd just let it end gracefully with the third movie the reveal of him actually being a legend would be okay.

[@lyndonwesthaven6623]

This is basically 25% of all '90s anime protagonists, and they mostly manage to resolve it without wrecking the mood this badly

[@OctopusOwl]

I think Our Flag Means Death used the same “terrible pirate” theme, but gave us the satisfaction of watching Stede grow and change. Jack Sparrow was underestimated but never actually embodied the terrible pirate, and thus had no growth potential in that direction.

[@moonjabes]

In the first movie Jack Sparrow is established as a brilliant con man, but a sub par to so-and-so pirate captain. The sequels try to establish him as s brilliant pirate captain, but forget completely that he's always been a con man first and foremost

[@iharpo9292]

​@@moonjabesjack shouldve had an arc of learning to be honest and gaining the skills to live up to the legend. If ur gonna make him the protagonist atleast give him some depth and an arc

[@Mjolnir007]

Problem is they reduce him to be comedic and funny, but forget his brilliance, swordmanship and cunning intellect that he hides behind being weird. He runs away all the time instead of outsmarting and defeating his enemies.

[@blakemorton4240]

Very true! In the first movie when Norrington says "you're the worst pirate I've ever heard of" and Jack responds with "but you have heard of me!" it's the perfect example of the sort of weaselly and cunning character Jack is. Norrington thinks he has caught a clumsy idiot of a pirate...but Jack is quick to point out that if Norrington has heard of him then that must mean he's well-known for a reason. Because if Jack was really nothing more than a clumsy idiot who always made mistakes, he would have been killed or executed a looong time ago. He's smart, quick-witted, and thinks on his feet. The sequels, sadly, forgot that :(

[@Darastrixx]

My biggest problem with the franchise was the colour pallet. The same happened with the Harry Potter series. When I saw the first Pirates of the Caribbean I was so impressed with how bright and colourful it was, but then the sequels got darker and darker and bleached the colour out.

[@thesimonjadis]

That was a huge phase in Hollywood for a while -- specific values of very bluish greens and specific values of orange were played up for contrast, and then muted into gray. The result is not pretty.

[@TheAltair2012]

At least with Harry potter, I can kind of accept it because the tone darkens as the series progresses. It wouldn't feel as gritty if everything was popping with colour in deathly Hallows, like it was when he was finding out about wizardry fro the first time.

[@juand.dimascastro8451]

Finally! I've been saying this for around 10 years now!

[@neutralman9124]

It works in Harry Potter because the progression of the story justifies it. It may be an obvious thing to do but it works.

[@ThePainkiller9995]

"Color pallet"

[@mcolville]

"If you're gonna kill Captain Barbossa then what even is the point of these movies?" Word.

[@paolanv3881]

That pretty much sums up how my mum and I felt when he died! I kept watching these movies just because of Barbossa. I actually liked this movie because of all the screen time he got and then they killed him! >:(

[@obvious_humor]

Paola NV Well, they already killed him once before... then he got better.

[@asaskald]

Be a river to your people, Matthew Colville. :-)

[@redsands1001]

yeah. but i think she's right. given the attrition rate maybe they wanted to preempt Geoffrey rush dying in real life

[@kennaisatlas8323]

Matthew Colville Barbossa was my favorite. 😢

[@zeddpool]

Honestly, the movies failed because Disney doesn’t know that Elizabeth was the main character

[@epiclink11]

Gwyneth/Peter Ochsner HONESTLY someone send this comment to Disney

[@KetsubanSolo]

Elizabeth serves as the audience proxy, in that we learn about this world by seeing what she sees. By having Jack be the main character, he's already used to all the weirdness so we can't be surprised by it.

[@jabscha7051]

That is a great point

[@tiagodarkpeasant]

for me it was will, but both were main characters and jack was a tool for them

[@tlonmaster]

I dunno, I'd argue they did know. She had her own arcs in each movie and became the pirate king in the third movie.

[@superskh]

solution to barbossa being old and "not hot": bring in the fountain of youth and recast barbossa as like...this young hot pirate ready to relive his glory days. the teens will love it.

[@thatcutenerdgirl6090]

Okay but I actually like this idea.

[@rosamy2017]

Honestly barbosa would have been a good POV character to Jack Sparrow’s zany side character

[@iharpo9292]

​@@rosamy2017zany comic reliefs cant also carry a movie, they made the mistake of taking more and more of the story from will and elizabeth

[@kieranhair37]

Bonus points if young Barbosa just looks like a surprisingly buff Canadian pastor in his 60s.

[@The_Bee_Jones]

At this point I'm assuming you have a massive storage unit somewhere overflowing with stuffed animals and movie paraphernalia.

[@leob4403]

Brandon Jones she bought a house in Detroit for 5 dollars to store all her shit in

[@Nindrhu]

This describes most people on KZbin.

[@Chipiliro613]

Every person with a KZbin channel has a storage unit _overflowing_ with costumes

[@Darisprites]

Well that's obviously where she's keeping Buzzy. *I'm onto you Jenny*

[@Yoshimitsu4prez]

She has several, one is just full of porgs

[@Qwazin]

Agreed. Jack Sparrow is fun in the original movie because he is constantly twisting and turning and you can never tell what side he's on, if he knows what he's doing or if he's just making it up as he goes. In the sequels it's just like "OH. No I guess he just IS making it all up as he goes along" and all the mystery and excitement of the character is gone.

[@doubled6490]

third movie was good though...

[@stevenirizarry1304]

Andreas Nordvall disagree...I feel the exact opposite. I feel that jack sparrow from the original is a genius who looks like a idiot but is not. Most of his best scenes from that movie is in a way planned to some degree and sophistication. He also had a strong film that sorrounded him. Compare this to sequel jack and the weaker films weaken jack with their bad screenwriting. He went from a man who is ten steps ahead to a man who has 2 or 3 twelve leaf clovers in his pocket. Coincidence driven action sequences that violate a solid rule of storytelling "coincidences that give characters trouble is great...ones that get him out of trouble are boring". Pirates needs to go back to great Storytelling and maybe ditch jack sparrow completely. Watching the original film I was always enamored by Jacks intelligence. Another problem is that jack has lost the dark edge that his character had in the first movie. Remember when one of the crew members in the first film were talking about Jacks past and jack was in the background...seemingly listening and for the first and only time in the franchise you are questioning whether or not he is as silly and stupid as he looks. Well that dark and cynical subtext is gone completely...replaced with a cartoon character

[@engineerzerochannel]

Jack Sparrow actually did clever things in the first movie. In the following movies, he just bumbled his way through.

[@DAEsaster]

@@stevenirizarry1304 I think they just need to stop making these movies entirely

[@izzyr9590]

also I think the plot has a lot to do. Previously, Jack Sparrow is very tied in with the main storyline. He's in them. But this one, it's mainly Will's son and that girl doing their own business, and then you have the weird tension between Jack Sparrow and that half-dead pirate guy.

[@R0SE727]

Tbh I agree with you, Barbossa was my favorite character in those movies, extremely underrated. I have this irrational love of Barbossa I can't really explain

[@vlaandhael]

easy to explain. is the real pirate

[@nomejodas2978]

same

[@st4ne4rmthevill63]

Barbossa is easily the best thing about these movies. Now that he's dead I won't be back for another.

[@LordMalice6d9]

He died again??

[@jonsnor4313]

He is just so joyful, and the reason the 4th movie isnt really bad. Arrrrr

[@brentc2411]

The big problem with the 5th movie is Jack's backstory. He's like, a teenager and already a pirate, then blah blah, he gets the respect of the crew and becomes captain. Except in the third movie, his conversation with Beckett, reveals that Jack was a merchant, then Beckett made him captain a slave ship, and Jack freed the slaves, becoming a pirate. "People aren't cargo mate."

[@foolisnoteighteenyet]

I guess they just forgot lol

[@Hemostat]

He was the first 5 year old merchant captain

[@dr.s8972]

They also forgot where he got his compass from. They say in DMC that he got it from Tia Dalma.

[@emmas.m]

I forgot about this. But yeah, pirates 5 kind of messed up everything

[@Kriizikaan]

well that's odd, because in the novels which predated the second movie, he was... a teenager that became a pirate from pirate parents. They were weird YA novels though and definitely non canon.

[@inelegantartist8342]

Mmmm I actually love the design of Davy Jones in the movies. I think it's neat

[@neutralman9124]

Behind Thanos, he might be the best rendered CGI character ever.

[@ZakanaHachihaCBC]

James Keeling given all the moving parts on Jones, he’s probably above Thanos.

[@ivapetrova1303]

@@neutralman9124 Gollum is far better than Thanos tbh

[@neutralman9124]

@@ZakanaHachihaCBC That's a good point.

[@neutralman9124]

@@ivapetrova1303 I wouldn't go as far as saying "far better" but also great. Same with Serkis's King Kong and his Apes movies.

[@Marzeliax]

Maybe a cool Pirates movie would be Jack Sparrow quits drinking. "Pirates of the Caribbean & the Last Drop"

[@Shiirow]

Once its a commercial success again, the next movie would be "Pirates of the Caribbean : Where'd all the rum go?" with Jack having a relapse.

[@silversoul9683]

Pirates of the Caribbean: Jack Goes to Rehab

[@Flowtail]

Pirates of the Caribbean: Friends of Bill's Edition

[@tigamaki1345]

Commit to the title, the twist is it ends with sparrow being hanged

[@micahrufsvold]

This summer... The rums gone for real!

[@nicksterwixter]

It was Pirates of the Caribbean: AD LIBS. "A cursed sea pirate named ____noun____ is coming for revenge on Jack Sparrow, however his one weakness is that he can't _______thing a human can do_______. Meanwhile, Jack gets drunk and falls asleep in ______place_______ so his crew needs to come rescue him. Meanwhile, star crossed lovers _____man_______ and _____woman_________ meet up with Jack on his adventure. They must find the ______mystical pirate object_______ to defeat the cursed sea pirate!

[@PanAndScanBuddy]

Or Mad Libs, even

[@darkthorpocomicknight7891]

Now A cursed sea pirate (insert MCU actor/actress) is Jack Sparrow ...and anyway Thanos comes in ... Nuff said.

[@rowansafley6133]

Sock Sleep Paris Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson JK Rowling Lightsaber

[@charlescole1766]

Pirates of the Caribbean: MAD LIBS. "A cursed sea pirate named kangaroo is coming for revenge on Jack Sparrow, however his one weakness is that he can't defecate. Meanwhile, Jack gets drunk and falls asleep in Glacier National Park so his crew needs to come rescue him. Meanwhile, star crossed lovers Roddy McDowall and Julie Andrews meet up with Jack on his adventure. They must find the head of Blackbeard to defeat the cursed sea pirate!

[@lighterflud]

@@rowansafley6133 Mystical Pirate Object L I G H T S A B E R

[@ickytrip]

Jack Sparrow should be a trojan horse character. He should be a major fixture in each movie but the story should revolve around other characters.

[@TheJhtlag]

She kinda said that, he's a secondary character

[@ickytrip]

Yeah - and I used the name of the trope.

[@Trollificusv2]

For a second, I thought you meant he should have other characters burst out of him once he's gotten into the bad guys' lair, which could be surprising and gross as hell.

[@jonsnor4313]

Or have some character chase him because of his compass. And he is always this untrustworthy guy that tells stories that change from movie to movie you never can fully trust that there is truth to it. And then have it being a short element from the movie in a twisted way. That way they really could have expanded the black pearl universe. Barbossa as a recurring character is a must too. Like they do it in some tales about mysterious characters where nothing is truely canon. Make them legends. If they ever do a reboot in several years. I think james franco would make a good drunken.

[@silversoul9683]

@@Trollificusv2 this made me almost die laughing and I'm trying to be as still and quiet as possible because I have a baby sleeping on me

[@TriggerGirl007]

"He became like a cool, rebellious, but still nice pirate, who looked like Orlando Bloom" And that's how you sell a movie

[@IanZainea1990]

Pirates 6. They arrive in Haiti during the Revolution. In the first 5 minutes Jack sparrow gets his head chopped off. Then we sorta just tell a condensed version of the Haitian Revolution.

[@katatat2030]

Best idea I've heard yet

[@duncanm4061]

I mean… Jack probably would’ve helped the revolutionaries. A removed scene from the third movie has him state: “People aren’t cargo mate”. Also I’m pretty sure he’s immortal by the fifth movie.

[@IanZainea1990]

@@duncanm4061 being against slavery and being a revolutionary are different things. Also, there was at least one point where being white during the Haitian revolution was enough to get you killed. So Jack still dies

[@duncanm4061]

@@IanZainea1990 Not sure about the second part, but the reason Jack was branded as a pirate was he freed the slaves Beckett had him transport.

[@PowerYoutuberViewer]

@@IanZainea1990 White revolutionaries did exist in the Haitian revolution. Polish soldiers in the French army brought in to quell the revolution defected to the revolutionary side. Their descendants still live in Haiti to this day. Jack could have helped out. That said, having the Haitian revolution in a Pirates of the Caribbean movie at all seems tone deaf. It's a story that deserves more respect than that.

[@kateschmid2889]

I think another factor is that the script writing became lazier in terms of how the characters speak and the words they use. The first film had a more authentic "piraty" feel, with the characters speaking in a more period appropriate way. One line I've always liked from the film is when Jack Sparrow says, "I can't do this on me whimsy" when he wants Will to help sail the stolen boat. In the later films the characters just sound like modern people cosplaying pirates.

[@fredericksmith7942]

Jack Sparrow saying ‘savvy’ all the time really is an artifact from when the writers cared that these movies took place in the 18th century.

[@MegaZeo]

"I got through the whole thing without making a pun about how the title talks about men who can't tell tales." I can't believe Jenny just murdered the entire Pirates 5 writing crew like that.

[@nunyabiznes7446]

The worst part is that there's actually a good raunchy joke sitting right next to horology about the pirates thinking she _studies_ whores. "They teach about that in the universities?" "Oh yes it's very popular." "I'm sure it is!" You could milk that through at least two scenes of both parties completely misunderstanding what the other is saying. "So you go out and research... what?" "Oh you know, the movements of heavenly bodies in the night, that sort of thing." "Right, makes sense."

[@Werewolf.with.Internet.Access]

I’m laughing too hard at the concept of this “Would you say your studies require long, hard research?” “Well…to be thorough…yes?” “Of course, of course 😏”

[@muticere]

idk I've always been something of a weird apologist for the Pirates sequels, specifically 2 and 3. I don't care at all for 4 or 5, but 2 and 3 I enjoy defending. I find them so absurd and convoluted that they're weirdly compelling. It helps that Jack wasn't yet the main character, although he was moving that direction. Plus they go to some seriously dark places despite the series supposedly being intended for families to enjoy.

[@N7spongy]

I think that's what gives 2 and 3 so much value, they're not run of the mill blockbusters, there's so much subtext to each scene that they're worth rewatching to try and piece things together.

[@realyoriginalchanel3218]

I actually always loved 2 and 3.more than one, even if 1 is objectively better comedy the entire original trilogy is an great example of very good screenwriting

[@nataliep856]

@@realyoriginalchanel3218 and frankly just Gore Verbinski’s design and passion for those movies makes them SO enjoyable. They’re detailed, grounded (y’know to a point lmao), scored beautifully, and you can tell everyone had a good time making them. That’s what sets them apart for me. They shouldn’t have tried to do any sequels without Gore.

[@anam00090]

I loved core character dynamics in first three - Norrington is badass, love to rewatch his character arc alongside everything else. Barbossa and Jack are fantastic, I quite like Will and Elisabeth too, the pacing, the story and comedy. All three are my comfort movies, despite not loving the ending

[@sherrilina]

Agreed, the trilogy was fine (even if I was disappointed by the ending), all 3 movies were entertaining...I refused to watch any further films in the series...

[@somecunninglinguist]

I think Pirates of the Caribbean has turned into exactly what everyone THOUGHT the first one would be... It seems to me that everything Disney does right is the result of not really believing in it, giving it a decent budget probably for tax reasons, and being hands off, and then it's amazing so the full force of the corporate gaze turns to it and murders the joy

[@OctopusOwl]

This. That’s exactly it. They had had a bomb with the first Haunted Mansion movie, and just let that first Pirates movie go off on their own tangent, and a mid budget, and no expectations for success. But the more it was popular, the tighter disneys grip got, the less creative Inglewood room there was. 5 was pure cash grab.

[@lai6551]

Now I’m imagining Corporate Disney as the eye of Sauron

[@LAVATORR]

What's the term for a character that originally isn't intended to be iconic, but turns out to be hugely popular, so in all future installments he's written as pure fan service? You know what I mean: Urkel, Hannibal Lecter, Darth Vader, Jack Sparrow, Jesse Pinkman, all those guys. They start as a side character but become more important and defined due to their popularity.

[@avaevathornton9851]

Breakout character.

[@lagg1e]

Why not look in this cursed book and find out: tvtropes.org

[@elsie8757]

@@avaevathornton9851 I thought it was Ensemble Darkhorse

[@SaintSC05]

@@lagg1e Man, I hate that website. The pages constantly refer to other pages in the explanation of the trope and I have no idea what the hell is going on.

[@NIHIL_EGO]

@@SaintSC05 Just read the Laconic and Playing With, bro.

[@MusicFillsTheQuiet]

It's like Supernatural: people die in "irreversible," and "eternal" ways, but hey! Here it is, next season, and they're back!

[@iloveyourunclebob]

@zombiegorecheese I remember when horror movies and Disney cartoons were really the only thing that had multiple sequels to it. I want to go back to that world. I'm so tired of watching movie studios completely beat a series to death with sequel after sequel after sequel until it's literally a hated thing by all of us.

[@onionmctwist]

At least they had the decency to not take themselves as seriously anymore

[@johnhunter4854]

Supernatural was upfront about bringing people back from the dead pretty early on. Did they beat that horse to death? Yes. Only to resurrect it and beat it death again. And again.

[@doctorwholover1012]

@@iloveyourunclebob I wish they'd put the sequels back on the direct to DVD shelf. Make it direct to streaming and let the big screen do the big movies, and make exceptions for like, tight 3 part book adaptations or the massive universe ending movie (as in, Thor 2, 3 and 4 should all have been direct to streaming, but Thor 1 could be in cinemas. Let the MCU have debut character movies in theatres and all the main Avengers movies, but put stuff like Captain America and Iron Man 2, 3 etc all on streaming. They don't each need to be in theatres, and I'm a massive fan of them. They've had like 20 films, that's nearly 3 harry potters! The Nolan batman trilogy could all be in theatres bc it's a tight 3 movie series, and depending on how the Harley Quinn/suicide squad movies go they could put out two more harley movies in cinemas and let any suicide squad sequels go to streaming (based on their quality, and also the fact that none of the other characters have origin movies so far)

[@ErebosGR]

"No one's ever really gone."

[@leob4403]

The guards were just standing there because they were starstruck by Paul McCartney, it happened randomly and they decided to keep it in.

[@Shiirow]

Paul McCartney likes to cosplay as a pirate... stumbles onto set one day... director films the entire thing... now he is in the movie.

[@TheseastarTV]

I know this video is pretty old now but I really have to get this off my chest: I was pretty young when I saw the fourth movie and tbh I haven't seen it since. But I was soo intrigued by the mermaid character and the way they left the ending open to interpretation, so you didn't know whether she actually ate the missionary or they lived happily ever after or whatever. Something about that was just so satisfying to me and to this day I cannot let go of the idea of a double-crossing, murderous, manipulative mermaid. So no, somebody does think of the missionary and the mermaid characters, and it is I, and I think about them like every day so yeah

[@shepherdaaron9683]

The fourth one is easily my favorite pirates movie, partially for this exact reason

[@thatbitch8795]

yeah same also the mermaids/sirens were a huge part of my gay awakening

[@thylionheart]

I always think about how the young pirate lad played by Robbie Kay had a tiny little arc/plot where he was saved by the missionary during the mermaid attack and then later cut him free, thereby repaying him back

[@izzen]

SAME SAME SAME

[@miserylitmedia]

I choose to believe that the missionary was eaten. And that he kind of deserved it.

[@sniffthecactusduh]

I actually like the first three movies, because they had a clear story and it was about Will and Elisabeth with Jack Sparrow as a side character. Even getting Jack from the locker was for their own storylines, not because of Jack. The goddess of the sea with her immortal lover is pretty self-inclosed magic wise and even the Inca curse of the first movie doesn't really undermine this, plus the political element was decently intertwined. I enjoy rewatching the trilogy. I honestly refuse to acknowledge anything after the third movie as part of the canon.

[@LifeInAConcreteBox]

On a purely emotional level, I was done with the franchise when they killed off my man Norrington for absolutely no reason, except some half-assed hero death scene.

[@catherinestickels2591]

The purpose was too take away all of Elizabeth's attachments. She has nothing to go back to now, so she's free to be a pirate queen. They kinda ruin that by seemingly just sticking her on an island for the rest of her life, which made no sense from a character or logical perspective.

[@teresarivasugaz2313]

I only watched the first three films and hated the ending. I was sad when Norrington died, but I absolutely love his last seconds of defiance and the fact that he so clearly, unlike most more stereotypically badass fictional characters, has no fear of death. Especially because Norrington has no hidden agenda, in the first films his actions are out of duty and a strong commitment to his morals. He's not selfish, he knows when he's lost and the only sensible thing to do is to step back with his dignity intact. Props to Jack Davenport for making him utterly unforgettable.

[@realyoriginalchanel3218]

I loved all 3 movies (no others ever existed) but yeah the ending could have been more satisfying

[@KOTEBANAROT]

@@teresarivasugaz2313 yeah i came to pirate movies for jack sparrow, stayed for norrington

[@rchimedes]

I watched the 5th movie with my mother at home, after she decided to rent it. After Barbossa's death, we both agreed that Jack should have died instead. It's like, I don't know, we assumed that the fact that the title "dead men tell no tales" meant that it was the final movie in the franchise, and we thought that Jack's death would have brought more closure to the story. What's the point of Jack living? What does he even have to do anymore? I don't even know what his goals are anymore. At least he played a role in the first three movies, which were all interlaced and worked to tell one story. The last two movies have been about random things, nothing really connects anymore. So yeah, Barbossa should have totally lived, Jack should have died.

[@realyoriginalchanel3218]

They should have never even made 4 and5 to be honest

[@albertskoften1452]

@@realyoriginalchanel3218 On Stranger Tides was a straight-forward story, and better than 2 and 3 put together. The fifth one is practically a non-movie. It is a narrative bridge, with the sole purpose of setting up plot points for the real next movie.

[@ouij]

As much as I liked Barbossa, I have to say my favorite character throughout the series was James Norrington because he's the only one that showed any signs of character development.

[@aweirdredguy3885]

what about Elizabeth Swann?

[@thatcutenerdgirl6090]

I legit LOVED Norrington to the point where I wrote fanfic about him and then never posted it anywhere out of shame

[@foolisnoteighteenyet]

@@thatcutenerdgirl6090 LOL post it!

[@zodiark111]

The only guy who was just like "what is all this magical bullshit?! we must advance human civilization!" its admirable being the only atheist in a magical world. Kind of like Sokka, or Han Solo

[@CasLee]

@@thatcutenerdgirl6090 P O S T I T

[@tobiookuma1835]

Jack was never supposed to be the main character. He's supposed to be a supporting character. The original trilogy was alright, though it was all worse after the first. The first three were all solid movies, but now they've put WAY too much emphasis on jack.

[@realyoriginalchanel3218]

On my opinion the first was the worst movie in the trilogy, could someone explain to me why is it better than dead man's chest?

[@thelastcrow5660]

@@realyoriginalchanel3218 I have the same opinion man! Much prefer DMC and AWE over COTBP

[@sammybrown5726]

@@thelastcrow5660 I wonder if it has to do with viewing experience. I watched the first three movies pretty much around the same time. As a part of a trilogy, the first movie is definitely the worst part of that trilogy, and I remember the second two movies much more fondly than the first. But maybe if I had seen the first movie by itself, not knowing or expecting for it to be the first film in a trilogy, I would have liked it better. DMC and AWE are so clearly intertwined and designed to be part of a trilogy, you can't really view them as standalone movies. Maybe if instead of seeing COTBP as the first part of a trilogy you saw it as a standalone movie, it would seem better than those ones. Could be an experiment to try in rewatching it.

[@thelastcrow5660]

@@sammybrown5726 You have a good point of view.

[@scoutz0rs]

@@sammybrown5726 That’s interesting and makes sense. Where I was one of those people who saw the first in theatres after being kind of skeptical about how making a ride into a good movie would work. It was so surprisingly good and Jack Sparrow was so original and hilarious that when the sequels came out (based solely on the success of what was a standalone), the surprise was gone and we were just kind of like, well these are entertaining but not a breath of fresh air. (Like, I cannot emphasize enough what a cultural moment the first Pirates movie had. I didn’t know anyone who wasn’t quoting it, talking about it, seeing it multiple times.)

[@TimeturnerJ]

Kalypso is a character from Greek mythology, so the Gods don't surprise me that much. xD She herself isn't actually a goddess though, just a water nymph.

[@timothymclean]

Which brings up the question of what the Holy Grail is doing there. In the original tales, it was a very Christian object and specifically hid itself from a worshiper of Jupiter (who is Roman and not Greek, but the difference is pretty small after Rome controlled Greece for so long).

[@TimeturnerJ]

@@timothymclean I mean, Jupiter is just the Roman version of Zeus. Religions were more international back then than people give them credit for, since it wasn't a monotheistic society that insisted on only one true god. They just adapted any gods that appealed to them into their customs. As for the Holy Grail... This is just a very awkward mixture of mythology. They took bits and pieces of everything and threw them together into a messy, inaccurate brew. It's Disney, what else would you expect?

[@espeh75]

Geoffrey Rush is sort of to Johnny Depp what Aaron Eckhart was to Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight. His performance is just as good, just not as flamboyant so it doesn't get as much attention.

[@SonofSethoitae]

And it should be noted that Geoffrey Rush is extremely flamboyant in the first movie. Johnny Depp was just moreso, somehow.

[@neutralman9124]

Eckhart falters a little as Two-Face. His Harvey Dent is brilliant and the best performance in the film after Ledger. Once he turns, he's very good, but a little over the top in an obvious, non-Ledger way.

[@pigmiwarriorentertainment274]

I always assumed that the mermaid straight up murdered the missionary & I was totally down with that. It's a bold choice & I like that it's left up to each of us to interpret

[@mophead_xu]

so me friend, whos a myth nerd, told me that if a mer kisses a person before they drag that person underwater, that person will gain ability to breathe underwater and live. if they dont kiss the person, that person will drown. she kissed the missionary before pulling him underwater, thus it was established that he shall live. i like imagining that she kept him as some sort of a human slave, lol.

[@SharkyMcSnarkface]

Little Somebody Kinky.

[@theoneandonlymichaelmccormick]

My favorite thing about Javier Bardem in this movie is that he only signed on to do it because he wanted to go on a cool vacation with his wife and kids in Australia, and so they could see him dress up as a cool zombie pirate man.

[@littlegelland]

"You better start believin' in ghost stories Miss Turnerrr - you're IN one..." *Cue epic music I used to play that scene out to myself as a kid (still do, sometimes when I think I'm alone). Everyone in school wanted to be Jack Sparrow, but I knew better. "I feel... cold" - Simply brilliant. Also, why did they have to kill off Governor Swann so early on? I really liked him. Let's bring him back from the dead for the next film, eh?

[@SirEriol]

I am so angry that this movie was the one who presented me the _beautiful, wondrous idea_ of an island that was decorated with jewels and cristals so it served as a map of the sky. It's such an amazing idea, *and it was utterly wasted!*

[@Cool_Calm_Cam]

That quip about James Franco is so real omg. Conventionally attractive people all look the same to me, lol.

[@ThreadBomb]

Depends if you think James Franco is "attractive" or not.

[@Morbos1000]

Your comment about how he was written normal in the first movie was really insightful. That explains a LOT about the series. In terms of Paul McCartney's cameo, something worth mentioning is Keith Richards made a ton of sense because Depp outright said he based Jack Sparrow on Richards. McCartney is only there because they could get him.

[@TheBlueFiretruck]

Not to mention that Barbosa's death could have been so easily avoided. There was no reason for him to drop off the chain and drag Salazar into the sea with him when he could have just hacked him off with the sword that Jack Sparrow dropped to him. Or they could have just climbed up the anchor chain since Salazar was on the bottom and then cut him down before he got into the boat... it was very dramatic for something that literally didn't need to happen

[@ultimamage3]

It's even dumber on account of they established that Jack had a gun. At any point after Salazar's curse wore off and he became human, they could've just shot him and killed him immediately.

[@jonsnor4313]

But then Geofrey rush would be cursed by POTC sequels forever damned till the end of the franchise or even further. Its likely he did a Han Solo. "Just kill me off."

[@JainaSoloB312]

@@ultimamage3 "Wet powder!" Jack's gun wouldn't have worked because of all the water it was submerged in moments prior

[@timothymclean]

I imagine that if I died and was casually resurrected, I'd be more prone to solving problems with dramatic self-sacrifice.

[@maxwaltham5853]

When she mentioned the twenty jack sparrows I legit thought she was making it up and then from the dark recesses of my mind... I remembered At World's End.

[@timothymclean]

Not to be confused with the Cornetto one.

[@thelittlemoonling]

SAME AHAHA

[@potmki6601]

I liked missionary and mermaid! They weren't terribly flashed out characters, but they had a simple yet beautiful story, I think it was pretty unambiguously finished. He was dying and she kissed him (so now he can't drown) and took him with herself to live underwater

[@m00dy.c0we]

Oh to live under the water with your husband

[@Liusila]

I thought they could have done so much more with those characters and the concept of mermaids. But it was ok.

[@davidshead1323]

The title lead up is even more awkward in the uk where it's called salazar's revenge

[@sarasthoughts]

Same in Italy

[@wirelesmike73]

"Well, that's even less than unhelpful."

[@carissaree]

GOD I loved the first Pirates movie. my childhood was basically defined by it, I talked about it constantly and exclusively listened to the soundtrack. my little middle school friends and I all had games and stories we did around the characters. it was such a rich and wonderful world that totally blew me away. going to these new heartless, corpse-like reanimations of this story which used to be great as an adult just puts such a genuine, deep sadness in my heart.

[@sixstringedthing]

Even though it basically became The Jack Sparrow Show, I feel like we actually might have dodged a bullet with the Pirates franchise. If the first movie had come out a few years later we might have ended up with a full Pirates Of The Caribbean Extended Universe, including a wacky 4th-wall-breaking streaming show in which Jack makes goofy faces and droll quips directly to the audience.

[@joshuafetter3831]

I just realized that the side role Jack Sparrow should have kept playing was played by Barbossa in the later movies. Barbossa took the role Jack should have had. Which makes sense since I agree that Barbossa is the best character in the later movies by far.

[@bookcat123]

I feel like there’s this basic mistake that Hollywood can’t stop itself doing in sequels: they don’t know the value of moderation. Every time people love a character or concept, they overdo that in the next one. People like Jack Sparrow’s weirdness? Let’s have him Jack Sparrow-ing all over the next movie. People like Legolas’ coolness? Let’s have him shield-skate down a staircase and then down an elephant. People have a soft spot for Mater? Let’s give him his own movie. 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@jeannettespecht3162]

i was with you until you started talking about how pirates can't keep its own mythos straight, because you didn't even talk about the biggest problem with Pirates 5. Pirates 2-3 very clearly established the mythos of the Davy Jones story. Davy Jones loves Calypso so much he gives her his heart and promises to ferry the souls of the dead to the land of the dead. In return he'll be able to come ashore and see her once every 10 years. But 10 years in Calypso doesn't keep her promise, and Jones is like "heck it then I'm not keeping mine," and he goes rogue and stops ferrying the souls of the dead. (Important point A: This is why death is so loosey goosey in the pirates franchise; the dead are just kind of muddling along between the land of the living and the land of the dead, unguided. We see it with Elizabeth's father in his soulboat. Occasionally when Jones has a personal vendetta against a soul he can trap them in the Locker, like we see with Jack. But he doesn't bring the souls to their final resting place ever, which is why they can be revived). Calypso is angry by Jones's betrayal, so she curses him. He and his crew are still bound by the "every 10 years" deal but also, now they're monsters. And Jones just says "heck it" again and lives with the consequences of his actions, which is why he becomes so powerful, and why everyone wants his heart to control him. By accepting the consequences of his actions he is freed from them. (Important point B, white man experiences consequences; we stan an icon your fav could never.) When Will becomes Davy Jones he isn't cursed because he restores the Dutchman to its original purpose. Calypso is happy again. We see this confirmed in the pirates 3 post credit sequence, when Elizabeth is waiting faithfully for him 10 years later and he *isn't cursed*. But then in 5, howard or whoever shows up and is like "JACK YOU HAVE TO HELP MY DAD HE'S CURSED" which... what happened between year 11- and present? Did Will just have an unexplained heel turn and betray Calypso? He has no reason to do that. (Important point C, we're clearly shown that Calypso's curse magic is very freely rules-lawyered. Jones can walk on other ships. Living people can come on the Dutchman. The truly hilarious excuse to have Bill Nighy stand in two buckets on a sand bar.) People argue that Elizabeth had to abide by the rules for the first ten years to truly break the curse, but if that's true the curse is deffo broken. Elizabeth is the pirate queen, are you telling me she never gets on boats anymore? It seems like there would be a ton of opportunities for them to see each other at sea as long as Will keeps his word and ferries the souls of the dead to the afterlife. And even if you argue no, they have to strictly abide by the "every ten years" clause, you're telling me Will lasted 12.5 years before he broke? He knew the deal he was signing up for. He managed the first 10 years fine. What happened to suddenly change him? They never tell us why he's cursed when he shouldn't be. And to top it off the writers did James Norrington dirty as heck and it's 2021 and I'm still mad about it.

[@jeepersjava]

Thank you for explaining this. I’ve hated the second and third movies because I didn’t understand the mythology at all and the ending with Will and Elizabeth made me so angry I had to go on a long walk. I didn’t get why she couldn’t just live on the Dutchman with him or visit him on her own ship. And regarding Norrington, I thought the better conclusion to his character was to become Davy Jones instead of Will. Not just because I wanted Will and Elizabeth to live a life together, but because it would’ve been such a cool turn in his character especially if you went back and watched the first movie again.

[@Mura_128]

Another little thing on how the mythos is actually consistent, Calypso isn't just named that for no reason, she's supposed to be the same Calypso, daughter of Atlas, out of greek mythology. while I don't think it was done *well*, I think the mythos of the world is a bit more consistent than was given in the video

[@josephmatthews7698]

I have no idea I agree with any of this but holy cow I love your passion.

[@emmas.m]

Yeah that confused me too. Pirates 2-3 were pretty consistent in their mythos and then 5 came along and messed it all up. Why was he all sea creaturey? Plot convenience. Also yes, maybe Will couldn't step on land per say, but he definitely could have Taken Elizabeth on that ship with him. Especially since he took his very human looking father on the ship.

[@Damianweibler]

Yeah...what's "we stan an icon your fav could never"?

[@No_True_Scotsman]

I'd just like to say how much I appreciate that your thumbnails are just frames from the video. Not crazyface rainbow clickbait.

[@evanyeong8063]

Captain Barbossa is also hands-down my favourite character in the entire franchise. It pleases me when other people share my opinions.

[@TheApplebanger]

I know this is a 3 year old video at this point BUT I’d just like to point out that when they sail to bring back Jack from death, it’s specifically from Davy Jones’ locker and not some general realm of the dead. He was in debt to Jones, and when Jack is eaten by the Kraken his soul is claimed by Jones. Or at least that’s the way I interpreted it! Basically, it’s possible to bring people back from the locker (albeit a bit difficult) but there’s not really a way to bring back characters like Norrington or Governor Swann since they’re dead-dead.

[@AceMoonshot]

With one exception, that is how I understood it as well. I do not think the Kraken took just his soul. But his mind, body and soul. They didn't need to resurrect him, just rescue him. Ship and all. Everyone else was, as you said dead-dead. It was not Liz's father, just his soul in the boat. But who knows, it is all magical mumbo jumbo.

[@TimCools_WithALongO]

I still can't get over the fact that they gave their son a random name like Henry. By all rights, James Norrington was a good namesake. For all his flaws (including the fact that his attraction to Elizabeth was a bit iffy), he rarely failed to do the right thing by her when it mattered the most, Elizabeth for her part cared for his wellbeing despite not wanting him as a partner, and he saved Elizabeth's life in a final act that cost him his own. I never rooted for the guy, but he didn't deserve to be brushed off like that either.

[@user-dd4fv6qj8g]

Not gonna lie, I tuned out at the 4th movie but I truly, truly loved the first three. And I know the second and third aren't great movies, but I love them.

[@dbunds]

You should be a script consultant.

[@ej4j4i38wGwgeb8]

@Kaveighleen Jacaster if someone's dead set on having cinemansins in the movie, maybe they could be there to sorta watch scenes and point out continuity erros

[@ej4j4i38wGwgeb8]

@Kaveighleen Jacaster :0 i didn't even know those chanels existed! i'll have to check them out and yea,,,, cinemansins has gotten p sloppy :/

[@TheSoulHarvester]

Not dragging anyone over years-old youtube comments, but let's be a LITTLE bit fair here: it's a lot easier to criticise a finished product, filmed, edited, absorbed by the public, etc, than it is to locate those same problems in advance from an early script. Jenny makes great points - & is a living testament to what an engorged turd Cinema Sins is - but a critic has a very different job to a script consultant. Not saying this to shit on Jenny's work, or like...stand up for script consultants or writers; kind of the opposite. Good critique is more difficult than it might seem, & probably more valuable imo than having someone polish-up a half-assed script. Guess it rubbed me the wrong way to read an (assumed, on my part) implication that a talented critic should instead be employed doing an entirely different & less-auspicious job.

[@jacobdrenick]

Kaveighleen Jacaster it’s funny because the main guy of cinemasins wrote a book, and it’s full of cliches, half-baked ideas, and has little originality.

[@llywyllngryffyn8053]

Barbosa: "We are naught but simple pirates!" ... Barbosa: "We are disinclined to acquiesce to your request. That means, No. "

[@kellerica8005]

I know I'm commenting on a video that's a couple years old by this point, but I just wanted to thank you for being one of the extremely few people I've ever heard of addressing this point about side characters. They are interesting BECAUSE they are side characters, and moving them to be the main focus in further stories often destroys a ton of what made them work in the first place. It surprises me that more people don't seem to agree with this notion.

[@drawingboard82]

Jenny I've found your videos in the middle of a serious family bereavement and I have to say you've made it much easier for me. Please never underestimate the good you do by making these videos and being yourself on camera.x

[@Sam-el2we]

I like big sterns and I cannot lie

[@HighHeelKnight]

The voodoo woman was totally new character. I'm thinking she was supposed to be more important to the franchise, but decided to cut out a lot of her story. That would explain why she was only in two scenes, AND how an actual witch seemed to be fine with the authorities but a smart woman "witch" had to be punished. (Wazupwitdat?) I think the filmmakers wanted to make a conclusive ending, in case Disney doesn't changes its mind about a sixth film.

[@coogallypuff]

This is one of your best breakdowns ever! Loved it.

[@FiddlebirdBlue]

Wait, what? Fifth one? There was the mermaid disaster and they STILL made another one? Which somehow I completely missed? By a margin of two years, apparently?

[@alireeve8839]

Just found your channel from your worst book ever episode. Am now binge watching all your shows. You are hilarious, thank you for your work.

[@redsands1001]

my only point of disagreement: i think Elizabeth was always a little in love with Will.

[@linklonk07]

Jack didn't die in the second movie. He was taken whole, along with the Black Pearl to "Davey Jone's Locker" by the Kracken. Something that doesn't make sense in the new movie was that after credit scene with Davey Jones, If all the curses were broken by the trident why would he still be an octopus-crab-man? Unless that wasn't a curse I guess

[@idfkwhatyouwantfromme]

Or maybe he's just so fucked up that he remained as octopus man as a punishment.

[@kingpotato7183]

linklonk07 I'm pretty sure in the next movies human Davy Jones would take barbossa's place

[@matthewbreytenbach4483]

For me the most offensive thing they did in five was that they made Jack and Barbossa idiots. I mean come on! if anyone will know what a horologist is it'll be those two wordy bastards.

[@Little-Dude]

Barbossa is one of my favorites too! He was an extremely likable villain in the first film, and he's one of the saving graces of the third.

[@0NlRAPTOR]

The only good ending I can imagine is that during the climatic battle at the end Jack gets knocked off the ship. the crew with William and Elizabeth win the fight and sail into the sunset. Then the camera pans down and Jack is swimming toward a upside down dingy. He rights it and sets the mast and the sail. and starts sailing toward a distant shore, water slightly filling the dingy, though manageable. End. It ends as the first movie began, making an endless loop, cause thats how it feels to me after the first movie..

[@JoeVincentPresents]

I really dig these. Great work!

[@BradsSpace2]

When I went to see Guardians 2 they showed like a 5-minute clip of the new Pirates film during the trailers. It was just a random scene from the middle of the film, with no context, and it was awful. Terrible marketing strategy! Every joke missed and nobody was laughing for the whole clip. I probably wasn't going to see the film anyway, but I definitely wasn't after watching the clip.

[@OctopusOwl]

Dead men tell no tales was a movie I worked on as a stereo compositor (if you ever went to the movies and wore 3D glasses, there’s a 33% chance I worked on it) and it was a miserable experience due to the way Disney built its contract. They had unrestricted revisions. Which mean they can reject any work delivered without pushback and we HAD to fix it, for free. And they did, constantly. That sorta nitpicking wears down the morale of the artists, and even though we delivered the work they wanted in the end, they’d made us work for a fraction of the actual cost of the labor. They consistently do this to every subcontractor they work with, so the VFX houses are always folding, laying off people to stay afloat, and further disenfranchising their workers. This is why the CG you see nowadays doesn’t look as good as it could. Everyone is overworked, with no creative collaboration or respect.

[@sapphirethesapphic]

thank you for your work, it sucks how these artists are continually taken advantage of

[@janelleg597]

dang

[@greygoregoose]

That’s awful. Thank you so much for the work you did, you guys deserve so much more.

[@redvelvetunderground]

i worked the pirates 3 premiere at disneyland years ago and the things i remember were the famous celebrity types coming up and asking where the bar was, johnny depp and keith richards having the entire restaurant i worked at in the park made into their own little area and the managers losing their shit bc they were apparently smoking weed in there, and for some reason tommy lee and vince neil of motley crue were there. it was an absolute shitshow lol

[@rattyeely]

That's really funny tho lol

[@thelivingsteel]

Yeah, the whole time I was watching this movie, I kept thinking that it might actually be a decent movie if Jack weren't in it. If it was just about Will's kid trying to find a way to save his dad from his curse. I know that never would've gotten off the ground since "Jack is the franchise" but if they'd gone into it with that mindset, even if they'd thrown Jack in as a side character or a cameo, it would have been such a better film.

[@neutralman9124]

The Turner story is why I think it's actually better than the fourth, besides Bardem being brilliant in everything. It actually worked because Thwaits sells it and it may be a predictable but it's well done. The Sparrow shit is fucking terrible, as well as the humour.

[@masterYoshimistsu]

For Pirates 6 maybe they'll just tell the story of the Disney Ride. That would be new and refreshing.

[@Xenthorx]

Wow i had never seen this footage of Johny Depp, i'm so disappointed :/

[@izze8904]

Allow me to enlighten you: Johnny Depp had just found out he had lost hundreds of millions of dollars. Naturally he would be pissed af about. His abusive wife started filming his mental breakdown so that over a year or so later she could release it to the media as "proof he is abusive" if you actually watch the video, he NEVER hits her or even shows hes angry at her in anyway. She is antagozining him so that's why he responds to her. He pours the wine in almost a sarcastic way saying "heres all your crazy" he only ever gets mad at amber when he sees shes recording him. Ya know like anyone would be if someone was secretly filming your mental breakdown. In conclusion if you've ever slammed a door out of anger you're about as abusive as Johnny Depp.

[@tiredprincess451]

@@izze8904 just because he didn't hit /her/ directly doesn't mean he isn't abusive. millions of dollars lost or no, it does not justify throwing things around, destroying shared property, and getting violent.

[@izze8904]

@@tiredprincess451 so you've never slammed a door?? Or punched a pillow or something?? I dont recall anything actually breaking in that video. Hes taking his anger out on inanimate objects not her.

[@FiddlebirdBlue]

@Izze as someone whose boyfriend has slammed things around and hit them when he's mad, let me tell you, it's abusive and terrifying AF. "Violence again objects while angry in your presence, such as slamming doors or hitting tables" is literally listed on most lists of abusive behavior/red flags/domestic violence warning signs. It's an implicit threat. He can break this shelf; he can break you, too. Slam a door, slam you into a wall. In contrast, when I was once so angry I couldn't contain myself, I calmly excused myself, explained that I needed to be alone, and then pounded the mattress in solitude. Then I retrieved my boyfriend and thanked him for providing me with the space I needed while I was too upset. On other occasions, when such an indulgence was impossible or I chose not be violent against objects because that is also unhealthy, I simply contained myself through a Herculean force of will, or sensed that I was becoming upset before it happened and headed it off by taking a breather or adjusting my attitude. Like a healthy, well-adjusted adult.

[@FiddlebirdBlue]

@Izzo also, Jenny doesn't say anything about Depp and whether or not he's abusive. She just says the character now uncomfortably reminds her of the video. Which is wildly unpleasant to behold. Hell, even if we still liked/loved Depp, and it was a tragic breakdown like you said - it can be two things - it's painful to be reminded of the actor's suffering in that case. Edit: Depp/Sparrow is now just a total irretrievable mess no matter how you hack it, even full-absurd-benefit-of-the-doubt.

[@laurenjcoates]

I really really love how you match your outfits to the topic of your videos, but they're always half-assed attempts that clearly just came from clothes already in your closet

[@Kmi_ni]

I would like to add that in the French version of that damn 4th movie, the mermaid is STILL called Sirena and it's absolutely ridiculous, because the French word for mermaid is "sirène" So that's like. Calling a mermaid 'Mermaida' in English Thanks I HATE IT

[@murphy7801]

I mean that sounds like something American English would do trying to do "*insert European language*"

[@dvidsuba]

The Pirates movies after the 1st one are such a blur for me, they were all so much the same (in a bad way) that I don't even know how many of them I've actually seen.

[@linasuperdina994]

ugh no same I can't remember any of the plot points lol, just some specific scenes that I don't know which movie they're from

[@someoneontheinternet6378]

I like the second :/

[@Carlos-ln8fd]

Barbossa is so great he makes me not hate the fourth one

[@lunarproduction]

I would love to hear what you have to say about wonderwoman

[@WaitingtoHit]

There's more than one?

[@taewae]

i'm so happy i found your channel, your videos are so freaking funny. i love that your rants are actually organized! and no matter how frustrated you are with these terrible movies/books/etc, your voice is still so cute lol

[@callen8908]

I enjoy your focused, clearly honest analysis of this franchise. Thorough, spot on. Funny. Smart, charming content. Big fan here. Thanks!

[@queenning28]

Haha I have this problem of telling good looking people apart too! I think it’s because every society has a more or less specific beauty standard for men and another one for women, so all the “beautiful” women (or “beautiful” men) kinda look like cousins because it’s the same standard according to which they are selected in the first place.

[@baguettegott3409]

Same. Tbh I don't recognize Orlando Bloom at all without the long blonde Legolas hair. Recognizable hair is really the only solution to my struggles with keeping faces apart. Remember in the Star Wars prequels, where Queen Amidala not only has a different hairdo in every freaking scene, but there's also some kind of switcheroo with another equally beautiful woman? I loose track of that story thread every single time I watch it. It's confusing as hell. I want everyone to always wear the same, easily recognizable outfit and hairstyle. Like in cartoons. That would make everything easier.

[@karinmaria6455]

@@baguettegott3409 Ironically enough, the actress for the switcheroo is Keira Knightley... Or Elizabeth Swann

[@ninawth]

@@baguettegott3409 Speaking of Legolas, it really weirded me out that Bard from The Hobbit trilogy looks more like Orlando Bloom than Orlando Bloom does. It's basically his clone. Could they really not find anyone else?

[@MeanMFA]

"He's only my favorite character, it's fine." XD

[@mightybaloo1880]

Jack definitely suffered from Flanderization. On the whole magic thing, I was just sick of undead zombie pirates. I know, they're ghosts this time...big difference. EDIT: Holy shit, I did not even know that was Paul McCartney, or that he was even going to be in it. I just thought it was this awful, clunky scene with Uncle...Jack Guy. That was so weird, no I know why that happened.

[@derekconnors4128]

I love the first three films, despite their flaws, but there was a huge drop in quality in part 4. 3 felt like a good end to the story, it didn't need to be continued.

[@abain8721]

Jenny, your videos age so well. I didn’t think it was possible for them to get better but they’re like the finest of red wines. Just delish ❤

[@aritark]

we're up to 5 already? damn i was looking forward to 3 and then forgot all about the franchise. and depp is still reliving his role as raoul duke in fear and loathing? sounds bad enough that it horseshoes around to being good again.... no? well this video will have to do to satiate my pirates deficit

[@gooblaster17]

IMO three was still pretty good, Pirates four is when they ran out of good ideas and keelhauled themselves.

[@freakyphysicsguy]

I felt it was great until they started taking themselves seriously, near the end of the 2nd movie

[@forkrhoades1953]

aritark Fear & Loathing was a fun movie

[@quietvictories5694]

Third is pretty epic and well rounded. Just think of it as a trilogy and don't go further

[@EternalDensity]

No it horseshoed all the way around to being even more bad.

[@Haploify]

The real Johnny Depp drunk video ruined any future PotC movies for me.

[@hannahdodd2898]

Haploify Why though? It's okay to glorify Miley Cyrus for being an over sexual drug addict, but demonize Johnny for being at a low point in his life and making a mistake as human beings do? What I find more appalling than him being drunk is whoever was behind that camera, exploiting someone being at rock bottom to slander his name. You're kidding yourself if you think you haven't or won't at some point in your life have a demon to struggle with. And I can guarantee you, it won't be pretty, and it won't be something you'll be proud of. Also, filming someone in that state, when they're potentially dangerous, just to "expose" someone's "true" nature is the shadiest thing you could do to somebody. Johnny isn't the real villain here.

[@Kodocha7]

I get what you're saying here and that's perfectly understandable if we're just talking about someone struggling with addiction but we can't sweep his abuse toward his ex wife under the rug. There's no way to excuse that. Abuse is never acceptable

[@hannahdodd2898]

Jackie C. It never showed him abusing her though. I went and watched it after seeing this video, because this is the first I've heard of it. But the video shows him being drunk and throwing a small tantrum. The wife or whatever is behind the camera, provoking him with questions. He doesn't really give her much attention until he sees the phone or camera or whatever, and takes it from her and throws it. I'm not a drinker, and I would 100% do that sober. She's clearly video taping them in the middle of an argument to make him look bad. Again, SHE was pestering him. If the situation was so dire and he was being abusive, she should have been taking the opportunity to get out of there. But no. She whips out her camera and eggs it on. So I call bull to her being abused. I've been forced into a relationship and beat and raped for two months straight. Trust me. Recording the person on your phone is the last thing on your mind.

[@NerdySabbath]

Hannah Dodd So being a belligerent drunk is just a unfortunate human mistake, but Mileys typical celebrity party life is worth contempt? I’m not condemning nor defending neither, I’m jus wondering the distinction

[@Dielawn69]

NerdySabbath i was assuming he maybe worded his point poorly and meant they are similar situations but one is considered acceptable while the other is frowned upon. Which is hypocritical.

[@gdiamante]

100% agree - Barbossa easily the best character, and underrated.

[@Hollywoohorse]

Really only ever watched these movies for Davy Jones and his amazingly rendered crew, although i love Jack, Elizabeth, and Will. Sao Feng and Barbossa also hold a special place. Once all of these characters i loved were gone i really stopped caring what happens and just kinda gained this nostalgic ache for when things were interesting. Edit: curly wig Barbossa doesnt count. Its so cringe.

[@mikaylaeager7942]

This was the movie franchise that introduced me to the idea that sequels almost always suck! I loved the first movie as a kid and I was so excited about the second. I hated the sequels so much that I walked out of the theater and watched Cars instead (giving my parents a minor panic attack I’m sure). I didn’t see any of the other pirates sequels. I did however see Cars 2 which reinforced what I’d learned from pirates and also Cars 3 which showed me there where sometimes exceptions.

[@MrKrtek00]

The main problem with the magical thingy here was that there is no conflict: whoever uses that spear, it will break all the courses, right? So whoever finds it and uses it, the effect is the same: all the courses breaks. Then why do they need to compete? If only, they should all cooperate...

[@nkbujvytcygvujno6006]

*curses