The Exact Moment I Lost My Testimony in the Mormon Church

My faith in the Mormon Church finally shattered during a Relief Society meeting. In the midst of a mixed-faith period with my husband, I decided to openly express my doubts. Choosing Joseph Smith as my testimony topic, I shared uncomfortable truths about his actions. Expecting a spiritual confirmation, I was met with shock and judgment, and I just felt like a liar. I left the meeting, marking the exact moment I fully lost my testimony and never returned to the Mormon Church as a faithful member.
#exmormon #exmo #mormon #lds #utah #josephsmith #byu #jesuschrist #mormonmissionaries
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[@alyssadgrenfell]

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[@trevorchilds1960]

I am an ex Mormon who still lives in a very devout Mormon home. I had a similar experience when I decided I didn’t believe it anymore. I made a deal with my parents that I wouldn’t stop going to church and I would include study of the books into my personal research. I kept going through the motions pretending like everything was okay until eventually I was asked to bear my testimony. I used to be the kid who took 40 minutes from every class to share my in depth love for the gospel, but at that moment I realized that everything that I once said, no longer felt right. After being told to share my testimony I politely declined and went to my bishop afterwards. I told him that I was struggling in my faith and that I wanted to ask him questions about the church. I spent what felt like hours explaining everything that I found both in the churches resources and in my own independent study. Imagine a 12 year old giving a science lecture about all the reasons why god most likely didn’t exist and out debating an anointed bishop of the church. When my bishop didn’t have a single answer to any of my questions I knew that that shred of hope I held onto was finally cut. The bishop told me that he would look into it. A year after that he left the church with his wife because he couldn’t find the answers. I still talk to him occasionally, he really listened to every question and he pondered on it until he couldn’t find the answers. He told me he was grateful to me for bringing up all of those questions because he and his wife are now so much happier than they were before they left. But it really is about finding that switch. Once your questions bring you to that edge, a simple experience is all that it takes to break all of the hope you have of the church being real and replace it with a bitter resentment of the church and its practices.

[@muriel5826]

Wow!! Thank you for sharing your story.

[@Pirates.27]

That is so crazy, that it could be a novel. (not that I don't believe you) I am happy the priest listened and tried to find the answers that were obviously not there, rather than filling 12 year full of some cultish dogma. He seems like a fair man.

[@rachelfagerburg1695]

​@@Pirates.27 I'd read that book. It would be an emotionally difficult read, but I would still want to read it. @trevorchilds1960, take my money dammit and write your story!

[@Pirates.27]

@@rachelfagerburg1695 right? I would read it as well.

[@jimrebr]

Raised Mormon, but before I was 8, I already questioned everything. My mom forced me to be baptized, so much for being age of reason and able to make my own choice. I left permanently shortly after turning 14. I prayed and prayed and one night, in August, I heard that gentle voice lovingly telling me that the Mormon church was false and to walk away. I married at 24 & weeks moved far away, but my parents gave my address to the missionaries. I literally had to write a letter of resignation to the bishop so I could be excommunicated. So glad I did.

[@No_Penguins_Here]

I grew up a faithful member, baptised at 8, sealed in the temple. I did everything I was supposed to do. My husband left about 10 years before me, after about 4 years of marriage. He is a scientist, and it just didn't make sense to him, which honestly I was fine with. He's a really amazing man, and I just figured God wouldn't keep someone from going to heaven just because he didn't have the right spiritual experiences. At first, I was so strong. I took our 4 kids to church by myself, and everyone would talk about how faithful I was and what a strong testimony I had. We moved out of state for his graduate school, and I just slowly became more nuanced, I even stopped wearing my garments, but I still believed. For me it always came back to "The Book of Mormon" because in my mind, I couldn't believe someone would write an entire book for a con. There were things that bothered me that the church needed to fix (lgbtq+ and the treatment of women were big issues i had) and I just thought I'd go back if they were to recant the untruthfulness of these things, like they did with POC holding the priesthood. However, deep down, I knew it wasn't true, but I couldn't admit it to myself. I had asked my husband never to tell me anything he knew because I knew it would break my heart. At a family party, he was talking to his niece, who is also exmo, and mentioned something that I didn't know. It was the book "View of the Hebrews." In this one sentence, I knew The Book of Mormon wasn't true. I stormed around the house for a couple of weeks, just so angry. I knew without a shadow of a doubt that the Mormon church was based on a lie and a con man. This is my testimony of the falseness of the Mormon church, and I say these things in the name of my cat, Noodles. Amen.

[@arghleblarghle]

To be sealed in the church your husband had to be Mormon too, right? How did he become a scientist? I wouldn't think that would be an encouraged career path for Mormons.

[@The_Cloth_Surgeon]

Praise be to Noodles the kitty cat!

[@user-qr8ki8ue4i]

"For me it always came back to "The Book of Mormon" because in my mind, I couldn't believe someone would write an entire book for a con." @77becka, Joseph Smith didn't write that book. The Liar and Deceiver did. Joseph Smith was definitely visited by entities when he received those "golden tablets" but they weren't from God. If you study the New Testament, you will find Joseph Smith was one of the ones Jesus warned against. My heart goes out to all the Mormons who love Jesus but are deceived. Don't give up.

[@KraftyKittenz]

Praise Noodles! A--meow! ❤️

[@dilianafarias4503]

What is view of the hebrews. Sorry I still font understand what it was that made it click but a win is a win

[@AndrielleHillis]

I lost my testimony when I was reading an Institute manual about the Endowment ceremony, and it talked about the "signs and tokens" you would need to get into the Celestial Kingdom. I thought to myself, "If God knows me so well that he knows the number of hairs that are on my head, why do I need any signs or tokens?"

[@AndrielleHillis]

@@AustinLund1 I ready about it in the institute manual.

[@streamstriss]

@@AustinLund1 I don't think you realize what you're saying. You must want to believe it, then you begin to believe it, then you to come to know it? This is merely the tenets of brainwashing. Not a true journey of knowledge and improvement.

[@TheSamjane4]

@@AustinLund1I was an endowed member.,,I felt the complete opposite. The whole temple experience was traumatising to me…it was weird and I hated the endowment part the most. So please don’t come on telling people it’s because they haven’t experienced it or didn’t understand it when so many of us have left because of what we experienced

[@lnqxr]

You don't need signs or tokens. Surely the Infinite Intelligence that is in you knows every single Atom of you. You have used your critical thinking, rationale, common sense, intelligence to ask obvious questions. The whole signs and tokens thing in most ex-members opinions are just part of the ploy. The more your mind is told about mysterious ways and things, the easier the manipulation.

[@NancyBrown-xw8hg]

It's not about God knowing you but you learning about him. Did you know the Greek word Pisits which is translated faith means more that to just believe. At the time Paul was writing it meant; to pledge allegince or to make a vow in a covenant relationship. We are saved by grace through our vows of allegince to Christ, it's "one Lord, one vow, one baptism"

[@chardonnaybarlow4873]

I grew up in the LDS church. The church was right behind my house. All of my friends and family were Mormon. I am not sure why, but I started to have morality concerns with it when I was about 8. I felt in my heart that the church didn't practice what it preached. The people were incredibly judgemental. I felt like I was walking on eggshells and that what I knew in my heart to be right, the church would damn me for. When I was about 11, I went to my regular primary after sacrament. They had us play a game that was kinda like monopoly but you had to make decisions based on what God would expect you to do. For some reason, I kept getting the "you uncle drinks, is this a person you associate with?" "Your friend smokes cigarettes, is this someone you should associate with?" Type questions. Under the understanding that God believes we should not judge our fellow man and we should love thy neighbor, I said yes I would not disown my uncle and I would choose to continue to be friends with my friend. To which, they advised me that I was wrong to do so, because it goes against God's teachings. Afterwards, they proceeded to have a lesson on loving thy neighbor. I stood up and called them all hypocrites and left. Now, I live a spiritual life where my moral compass isn't based on the teaching of any mortal man. My boyfriend and I agreed to allow our children to develop their own relationship with God and help them regardless of the direction it takes them. However, due to our experience, we firmly believe the LDS faith to be a cult.

[@milky1234123]

This is one of those things i hate about any religion that preaches acceptance but then has people spouting absolute crap about essentially hating someone else because they arent following a "proper" life, Who is to say that they are living a so called good life maybe they are the wrong ones and everyone else is living properly. They leave little to no wiggle room for this.

[@EatTheBilliomaires]

I agree but I think the same thing applies to Christianity. ✝️

[@chardonnaybarlow4873]

@@EatTheBilliomaires I agree. That is why I don't practice any organized religion but am solely spiritual.

[@aspieangel1988]

Same! I left Christianity and Mormonism due to similar things and I’m a spiritualist now and I’m closer to Jesus and God more than ever before ❤

[@megmcguireme]

That's very bad ass as an 11 year old

[@chong2389]

I, too, left the church I had attended as an active member. I was 17 and had my sights set on becoming a professional musician. A church member had seen me playing in a small group at a home show in the civic auditorium. She informed the minister. He summoned me to his office and told me that if I did not give up 'worldly' music, I could no longer be in any of the church groups to which I belonged. I went home and told my mom that I was quitting. She did, too. A few years later, the same minister who had read the riot act to me was dismissed for molesting young girls. Karma.

[@andrewfarrugia6072]

Don’t forget coffees 😂

[@andrewfarrugia6072]

I caught members drink them and tea

[@jobaecker9752]

Have you recorded any of your musical works? If so, please share a link.

[@cynthiashores57]

No "ministers" in the LDS CHURCH. Bishops, Stake Presidents, etc. but no ministers. The "minister" was the problem.

[@Skank_and_Gutterboy]

That's good. A lot of people wind up disowned or worse.

[@donijeffery-harris3056]

I spent two years desperately trying to find reasons to still believe. Every bit of study or research I did just took me farther away. I had a tome of excuses that I would make for the church, but I knew they were flimsy cop-outs. Finally, I went to church with my sister's family and watched my nephew's primary program. The kids sang a song I'd never heard before..."Follow the Prophets." My momentary enjoyment crumbled rapidly. I had been studying WWII propaganda in college and fell into a panic as I realized that the song checked every box for extremely aggressive manipulation and "brain washing"( not the most accurate term, but you get the idea). My excuses fell like dominoes as I realized how many other deliberately controlling and manipulative techniques the church uses. I spent much of the program with building panic. Then a warm feeling came over me and I heard "it's ok. Let it go." That was in 1993. I walked away, let it go, and have been vastly more at peace with myself and the world.

[@murphyslaw101]

I'm curious, what "boxes" does that song check? I know the church is very manipulative but it's still a little difficult to realize how much, i'm still trying to leave

[@donijeffery-harris3056]

@murphyslaw101 There are several aspects of music that can make a song more or less manipulative. There isn't a perfect line when a song suddenly becomes indoctrination, but there are things that increase its potency. Any combo of these leads to greater manipulation. The more elements, the more manipulative a song typically is. 1. A minor key 2. Strong, heartbeat like or military-march type rhythm. 3. Message of obedience, of the glory of the charismatic leader, or of superiority of the controlling system. 4. A short, highly memorable refrain, stick in your head...five or fewer words is the most potent. 5. Repetition of that refrain. The more reps, the stronger the manipulation. "Follow the prophet" does all of these, but it really scoes on the short refrain (only three words) and repetitions. In the chorus, they sing "follow the prophet" six times, and they sing the chorus 7 or 8 times. That drills that short line into kids' heads almost 50 times. It's pretty hard-core.

[@JohnDLee-im4lo]

Thanks for leaving so we didn't have to throw you out. It's a shame the Mormons even countenance such a weak and confused vessel as a member. She should have been tossed out long before she left. Good riddance.

[@sambloomquist1626]

My heart raced reading your comment, so glad you got out

[@claires9100]

Good for you! ❤

[@Clovergirl143]

A lot of things led up to me losing my testimony, one of the biggest was reading 'A Letter to My Wife' that was written by a former church historian. But the single moment I lost my testimony was one night when my not-soon-enough-ex-husband and I were reading through that night's portion of the Come Follow Me (that year was on Doctrine & Covenants.) And I don't remember the exact chapters we had read, but our discussion after was talking about marriage in the Celestial kingdom and what that would look like. And I posed the question, "How is it fair that men who make it to the Celestial kingdom get to have multiple wives, but women who make the same sacrifices and do the same work have to *share* their husband with other women? If Heavenly Father loves all of his children the same and says that ALL of his children can become like him, why is there such a difference in 'rewards' given based entirely on your 'God-given' gender that you have no control over?" And my husband very nonchalantly said that "Well, more women than men will make it to the Celestial kingdom, so they either have to share, or be alone for Eternity." And I said, "Again, how is that fair? If God says that everything will be made right in the eternities, why is there such a built-in unfairness for women who arguably are the more righteous since more of them will make it to the Celestial kingdom?" And he said "I think you're thinking very selfishly and that's not going to get you there anyway." It was at that moment that I realized just how sexist the Mormon church is, how baked that misogyny is into the church doctrine, and how most men in the church neither care nor want it to be different because they absolutely benefit from women sacrificing themselves into the ground almost entirely for others benefit. That night my testimony died. About 6 months later my husband and I separated and we're currently in the process of getting divorced. That conversation was also one of the nails in the coffin of our marriage; I couldn't understand why someone who claimed to love me and was my 'eternal companion' would be so happy to see me treated so unfairly and then gaslight me when I was upset about it. It was by far *not* the worst that he did and was not the only reason I left, but it certainly was a contributing factor.

[@johnrowley310]

There never was or never will be marriage in heaven Jesus taught this. Joe said I want it my way and here we are.

[@natalieguzman6067]

​@@johnrowley310This. The bible does not teach that we will be married in heaven.

[@Weenpuncher]

@Clovergirl143 could you clarify for me (as someone who isn’t Mormon) is what you described what the LDS church believes will happen to all people who make it to the celestial kingdom? Will EVERY man have multiple wives, or just some of them? Will EVERY woman have to share her husband?

[@MetalGoddessJen75]

This was one of the nails in the coffin for me, too. The hypocrisy and misogyny in the church is absolutely unreal. Women are baby makers & their care takers. That’s it. That’s all they are good for in the church. How many men do you see in nursery or primary? How many abusive marriages are in the church? Way more than we know, and bishops allow this. My ex was physically, emotionally and mentally abusive and my then bishop told me if I leave, then I have broken my marriage vows and temple covenants. All on me. Of course.

[@MetalGoddessJen75]

@@AustinLund1I’m WAY happier outside of the church than I ever was inside of it. Absolute freedom.

[@deedranicolehooks]

Not a mormon. But raised fundamental Baptist...I remember the day i lost my faith completely. I was teaching Sunday school which was not my choice. My preacher pressured me into it even though my faith was in crisis. Sunday school classrooms were in the basement of the church, and adult Sunday school was upstairs. I had no kids that morning, so protocol was that teachers were supposed to join adult Sunday school in that scenario. The very THOUGHT of walking up those stairs and joining the adults was so overwhelmingly horrible to me, and I knew I just couldn't do it.....I also knew that to get to my car, I'd have to go up the stairs and pass their room to get to the door. So instead, I snuck out of the basement door and slunk through the tall grass and took the long way around to the parking lot so I wouldn't be spotted from their windows. I jumped in my car and peeled out of there like I was running from the police. I never went back . That was probably 10 years ago.

[@rocketpsyence]

Good for you

[@larrywest42]

Strong move. Congratulations.

[@markhoerner2354]

Fantastic imagery too! Good for you!

[@VL99]

I was raised Southern Baptist. They were some of the most judgmental people you could ever meet. It's sad that so much organized religion is based on fear and control rather than on God's love.

[@christophercowan1645]

Do you think it's wrong to judge?

[@milliemellifluous2642]

I basically grew up in the church. my family joined when i was 4 and my sister was 6. The story went that we were the golden family, even though the missionaries couldn't answer all the questions, we still joined. Throughout my time in the church i always felt that i was constantly giving, but never receiving help when i asked for it. My faith crisis started when i was on my mission. i became severely depressed because all of my coping mechanisms for my anxiety and other mental issues, were back at home. My trainor didn't know how to help, my sister training leaders didn't know how to help, but my last companion did. She was a transfer away form going home and she encouraged me to ask to be sent home early. When i got off the phone with my misison president confirming that i was going home, my companion stated how light i looked. like a weight had been lifted form me. I can never thnk her enough. When i returned home, my parents began their faith crisis. The shame they felt from having me come home early didn't feel right to them. I continued going to church, but it was mostly to keep up the appearance, it didn't mean anything to me anymore. Then i came home one day and foud my parents had gotten a coffee machine. My mom sat me down and told me how she and my dad weren't going to church anymore. I asked if i could stop going as well. soon after i moved to england for a couple of years and decided to try church just one more time. It was quite a trek to get there and back, but i didn't hold myself to the no buying food on sunday (2 hours there and another 2 hours back, with 2 hour church). Still, i felt nothing. It was nothing more than keeping up appearance and i was tired of that. So i stopped going. The most spiritual and surreal experience i have had in my life was the 2 and a half hours i laid on a table getting a tattoo on my back. Finally feeling like my body actually was a gift given to me, to beautify and adorn. Sorry for the long post, just felt like i needed to share.

[@DennisBulow-hn2nc]

Ich rede mit auch alles von der Seele, mir ist egal was andere denken. Zum Thema Goldene Familie, würde es mich verallgemeinern, aber vermutlich ist das immer so eine Masche um den Übergang zur Kirche zu erleichtern. Meine Oma sagt heute noch von sich, das viele sagen sie wäre wie Mutter Teresa😂 hhm.......und sie spricht jetzt meinen Vater mit Meister an. Es ist nicht nur bei dir so, es ist überall🎉

[@JohnDLee-im4lo]

Thanks for leaving so we didn't have to throw you out. It's a shame the Mormons would send out such a weak and confused vessel to represent them in the world. Good riddance.

[@JohnDLee-im4lo]

I can't believe the Mormons would send out such a weak and confused vessel as their representative to the world. Thanks for leaving so we didn't have to throw you out.

[@sambloomquist1626]

Glad you came back home, thank you for sharing!

[@ruleten9575]

bye

[@RaulSmith]

I wanted to come on here and say that I've enjoyed your videos so far. I was baptized at the age of 16, when I thought I actually knew what I wanted in life. This went on for about five years. I would attend church, even during some of the darker times of my life. But it wasn't until two particular events happened that I lost my testimony and pretty much lost any and all hope of the church. I'd done some research on the Trail of Tears, the time when the Mormon pioneers had slaughtered dozens of Native Americans on their way to "finding" Utah, and being the curious soul that I was, I asked about these events. The missionaries asked that I pray with them that I would find the answer. I said "no, I'm not going to pray to find an answer, I want to hear it from you. Because missionaries are well versed in Mormon philosophy and history, it is not up to God or Jesus to tell me, it is up to you." "Well you really shouldn't be asking these questions of us." "Okay, why?" "We really think you should pray on it." The second event was the bishop refusing to help my mother. I'd opted to live at home even though I was financially able to live on my own. My mother had been about four years removed from having brain surgery to remove a growth. She was technically retired but the money she was getting from her retirement fund, combined with what I was making working multiple jobs at the time, wasn't enough to pay the bills AND feed everybody in the house. So we went to the bishop's warehouse, but because I refused to quit my job to work there and my mother physically couldn't, the bishop not only denied our request but went as far as to call my legally disabled mother "lazy". For a group of people that claim to help those in need and model their lives in the vision of Jesus Christ, this was nowhere close to being "Christ-like" behavior. (I also believe that it was largely because my mother was not Mormon) So I stopped going to church altogether. It wasn't until many years later (2015 to be exact) that I'd requested my name be removed from church records altogether as having ever been a member. But that's another topic for another time. Thank you for the great content as always. I bear this testimony in the name of the coffee gods, Thor Odinson, and my cat who thinks he's a god so I'll humor him for this one time, amen.

[@bigasspockets]

I love your deities at the end 😊 congratulations, I hope you are much happier now

[@muriel5826]

Thank you for sharing your story. You worded it very well. Im so sorry for the pain the church inflicted but I’m happy that coffee and your cat are being more dependable!

[@Pirates.27]

You have a great choice of deities there at the end 😂

[@mariekatherine5238]

That’s truly pathetic, your bishop refuses a request for food from your disabled mother because she’s not Mormon and has the audacity to call her lazy! My cat believes herself to be a goddess, so I humor her.

[@belindahutchings9420]

My mother's bishop did this sort of thing to her. Early on, they took her off food disbursements because she didn't work for the welfare program, (she was also disabled) and told her that my sister's husband should have been supporting her. (OMG. He's Scrooge!!!) She went on food stamps. Many years later, she went to get her temple recommend. The bishop refused to give it to her because she didn't pay tithing. I told them that was ridiculous, because she was on SSDI. My uncle was a bishop in LA and told me they didn't ask for tithing off disability. My mother paid the tithing anyway, got her recommend, and I told the Bishop that if he ever tried to take tithing from her again, I'd report him for Elder Fraud.

[@nebulablitzcat3537]

I cant remember the exact moment my shelf broke, but last month my cousin left on a mission. I hadn’t been religious in a very long time but I went with my family to his church to hear his goodbyes, and during it he talked about how he had a time where he was really sad and everything was so hard to do and he just felt so hopeless. He talked about times where he lashed out and how he’d cry every day and just grieve for no reason- and he went to his dad about it, and his dad said “That’s because the devil is inside of you.” And my heart just shattered. This poor kid was probably dealing with some mental health issues, and his dad just dropped “You’re being possessed by the devil. You need to go to church more.” I am so happy my cousin is doing what he wants and following his faith, but at the same time that is just ridiculous. As if my shelf wasn’t broken enough 😭 they took a sledgehammer and broke all the little pieces into splinters

[@nebulablitzcat3537]

@@AustinLund1 thank you, that means more than you know

[@JohnDLee-im4lo]

Thanks for leaving so we didn't have to throw you out.

[@jennifergeorge7280]

What the heck? That's some Ruby Franke type stuff. 😬

[@nikolaschapapas6014]

I hope your cousin is ok and finds resilience to address the challenges of this life. Hopefully he also learns that imaginary enemies have no power over him.

[@createone100]

Your common sense and wise intuition saved you. ❤

[@SmolTrailer]

I was never Mormon but I grew up in a different cult environment, but my "shelf broke" when I took my recently immigrated boyfriend from a super impoverished country to church with me and the pastor started complaining that he didn't receive a big enough offering he said a specific number. My dad told me it was a lie, because my dad's super faithful tithes and the tithes of our closest family friends were more than the number the pastor had given as he was complaining. But imagine taking someone to church and swearing it's not as bad as it seems (I grew up with STRICT rules of living, I couldn't wear makeup or nail polish or cut my hair or watch movies -- and my boyfriend had always showed concern when I talked about it) and his mom literally made a dollar a day in a sweat factory sewing jeans when he was growing up, and the pastor being like "I only received 500$ you guys need to do better". 😳😬😬😬😬

[@LalaaCherry]

Wowwwwwww….. I stay away from the church because I also grew up in a strict household going to greedy Pentecostal churches, the greed is out of this world. I’m very spiritual and I follow where my spirit guides , angels lead me ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@takke9830]

Always remember. The bible says it is easier to thread a camel through a needle than getting a rich person into heaven. The church is guilty.

[@Valkonnen]

It's ALL a lie. There are no Prophets and NEVER were .

[@aspieangel1988]

Were you Baptist? Normally only Baptists have those bizarre rules.

[@pstimac]

They profit though.

[@daeirabell3941]

That was so brave of you to speak the truth, to follow your own path and to think for yourself. People like you are needed in this world!!!

[@lisalarouge6309]

I left the Catholic Church 23 years ago at age 40 because I disagreed with most of what they preach. I became a born again Christian and finally found the relationship with Jesus that I had been looking for. Best decision of my life.

[@anonmyss]

Amen sister. This happened to me but I didn't present anything negative about the church. I was asked to bear my testimony in gospel doctrine. I bore my testimony based on my experience at 21 years old of reading the Book of Mormon and feeling "The Spirit". So I did it and I was passionate about my need for Jesus, which is still very much true. I talked about the way I felt before at that time, but I did it like you to put it out there and feel something again. The only thing I felt was the truth of Jesus and his role in my life. I realized I only really believe in God and Jesus and that the church is a sad, false institution that uses family to keep people in line and active. Well, a week later I was called to be the gospel doctrine teacher on the topic of The Book of Mormon. I did one class and I had to struggle to get through it. I tried to bring out passion and get people motivated to follow their Savior, but I could not feel anything positive as I told and rehearsed the stories. I was like a robot reciting my knowledge but not believing. I have scheduled my meeting with the bishop and I'm going to tell him I can't be a hypocrite and teach The Book of Mormon. My wife is still active and I hope she doesn't divorce me over this. All LDS scripture is false and God showed me that even the spirit in the LDS church is false. It's a thing, but it's not the true Spirit of Christ. Jesus delivered me from this and miraculously lead me to a non denominational Christian Church. I am so free in Jesus now. I did not understand the dynamics of my relationship with Him until now. He frees me from the bondage of the LDS church.

[@odomn]

Good first step. Now you can grow up and stop being a christian. Funny to me how people don't see how their religion is just as ridiculous as any other.

[@ingela_injeela]

I'm so glad the TRUTH of (the real) Jesus Christ set you free. Joseph Smith was a con man. Jesus is REAL, and He warned against false prophets like Smith.

[@brettpinion4233]

Praise God.

[@sweetlittleemogirl44]

God bless you, brother, and draw your wife, also to Himself.

[@anonmyss]

@@sweetlittleemogirl44 Amen, and thank you brother!

[@Revbone450]

For me, it was when Spencer Kimball passed away. I was six when it happened and I remember talking to my Dad shortly after about who would be taking over for him. My naïve 6 year old self thought that the quorum of the 12 would get together in some secret room on the top floor of the SLC temple and hold hands and then God and/or Jesus would appear in a blinding white light and select the next prophet. When I told my Dad this, he coldly shut me down and said, "No, it will be Benson, he is next in line" the way he said it so matter-of-factly completely shook me. So several days later when Benson was announced the crack in my shelf could be heard for miles. Seriously, if this really is gods one and only true church, led by prophets that receive revelation directly from God, you would think the process to select the next prophet would be a little more divinely inspired than, "It's Ezra's turn, he has been here the longest" I see this all in hindsight now, I muddled on for another 20 years in the church before I finally was able to admit to myself that I didn't believe in any of it any more.

[@SteveSmith-os5bs]

I also used to believe very much the everything in the church ran by direct revaluation. In December of 1978 I was a brand new 19 year old missionary at MTC in Provo Utah, I was in the second english speaking mission to be there, the first English group was only 2 weeks a head of us. I remember when all of the missionaries there were in a meeting in the main lobby, A speaker came in a gave a devotional on how the church was guided by literal direct revelation. A question was posed by the speaker of the “how many times do you think that then President Spencer W. Kimball has direct contact with Jesus Christ. The speaker then started throwing numbers, the speaker never answered his own question but that it was possible that President Kimball could have daily contact with the savior and that the first presidency was run by direct revelation. This talk stuck with me my whole life because I honestly had believed it. Fast forward to age 50 I decided to take a deep dive into the life of Joseph Smith, church history and the Book of Abraham. Needless those three subjects blew my testimony out of the water. I came to the realization that those who had trusted had lied to me my whole life.

[@noellehartline9231]

I remember having a similar experience when Hinkley died. I was eight and he died the day before my baptism. I remember feeling so confused and getting baptized anyway because it’s what I was “supposed” to do. I didn’t actually end up leaving until a few years ago, but that was when all my doubts started.

[@zoinks2607]

Dang! Sounds like your dad's shelf had cracked a little bit at that point, too? Nevermind me if I'm being too nosy 😅

[@Revbone450]

@@zoinks2607 He was 100% PIMO at that point, He told me many years later that he had come home from Vietnam an atheist, he just really really wanted to marry Mom so he faked it for 20+ years, lol.

[@Homepageturned]

If God is all knowing and knows the beginning from the end, then he will call his latter-day apostles in line of the progression of their calling. He already knows who will be the next prophet and when they will serve based on when he called them to the quorum of the twelve. But Im guessing if they were just men and went to a room in the temple and then voted who should be next you would probably doubt that system as well?

[@mouthymormonmetalhea]

I'm surprised you got that far into it before they shut you down. In my experience, it's a scary thing saying anything controversial, anything that you aren't supposed to say in front of a congregation of beleivers. I'm reminded of a quote from a book called The Crysalids by John Wyndham, that paraphrases as, "Well Davey it doesn't matter how much facts or life experience you have, when people tend to believe a certian way and their evangelical preachers want them to beleive that way, it's trouble you get, not thanks." For the actual truth. That's a very brave thing you did!

[@FiddyStump-tn6kk]

Mine was when I got to the point where I was wondering "What reason would there be for a married prophet to have sex with a 14 year old that could be justified" and as soon as that thought crossed my mind I knew there couldn't possibly be one. There was no morality there. One can make rationalizations and justifications for a lot of things; but this....not this.

[@FiddyStump-tn6kk]

​@@AustinLund1 I'm far beyond your bullshit apologetics. I'm certain I've read the book of mormon more than 90% of the current membership. Testimonies aren't reliable sources of truth anyhow. If your foundation of truth is founded in individual testimony, then it's less firm than sand, all things considered. Your claims that Joseph didn't have sex with his "eternal" wives has been completely debunked forwards and backwards and upside-down so many times. Ultimately, the choice is yours to remain ignorant. Hope it brings you peace as the church keeps exploiting you and your family.

[@amyfu2047]

What prophet did that?

[@Themanyfacesofego]

But don't you understand? It was just to test your faith!!

[@okthennone]

@@amyfu2047 Joseph Smith

[@jamesstrawn6087]

This is the least of it... honestly. Read "The Mountain Meadow Massacre."

[@coffeelove7170]

My moment was the moment I found out the endowment ceremony handshakes that were supposedly specially given to only Joseph Smith were the EXACT same ones from the Free Masons. I was like nope. I had been promised my whole life how special the temple ceremonies were and how they were specially given to a hand picked prophet.... Even when I did my endowment and thought maybe I could see why people thought it was a cult I still doubted my doubts... but the moment I found out that pretty much everything I'd worked for my whole life was taken from another group and not from the God I'd so steadfastly believed in... that was the moment I lost all faith and knew

[@JohnDLee-im4lo]

Stop it. You never had any faith. You were just a poser in the church and we're well rid of your kind. Thanks for leaving so we didn't have to throw you out.

[@ingela_injeela]

Joseph Smith was a con man, an adulterer and a pdf file. Jesus is REAL, and He warned against false prophets like Smith.

[@UtahGmaw99]

Good for you sugar! You are very brave. I am glad to see you did the right thing and didn't wait 50 years like I did. Hugs from an old lady.

[@allzeenamesaretaken]

For me it was reading that Joseph Smith married a 14 year old at the age of 37. I didn’t want that to be true so I checked with LDS sources right away and sure enough, it was what happened. The apologetics I read made things worse. And I knew in that moment either Joseph made it all up or a perfect god forced a 14 year old girl to marry a 37 year old man. So I accepted Joseph wasn’t a prophet and I went down the rabbit hole and learned all the other things that verified my decision. But I’ll never forget that feeling I had when I read that and was like… this isn’t true. It’s not an easy thing to face. A lot of people don’t understand the social and personal belief implications this has. I have yet to tell most people I know including most my family. I’ll get there eventually, but I know without a shadow of a doubt, Joseph Smith was NOT a prophet. Amen.

[@allzeenamesaretaken]

@@AustinLund1 good for you buddy. I had that same testimony for a loooong time. But once I realized that people have testimonies of the cults they follow or other religions, then what makes mine unique? I’m not bitter, but I allowed my self the space to question and the evidence became undeniable. I’m sorry but I’m not ok with him marrying a 14 year old, and a pure being wouldn’t command such a despicable pedophilic practice. Say what you want but I’ll never be ok with that. He’s not a prophet.

[@allzeenamesaretaken]

@@AustinLund1 I genuinely appreciate your approach and respect. If all members approached this like you did the world would be a much better place. So thank you. Now, in terms of the apologetics of Helen Kimball, I’ve heard pretty much all of them. I have read through the website you provided as well. The problem (not the only problem but mainly) with your arguments is it’s still not morally ok. You could apply the same argument to slavery. It was normal in the day. It was legal. There are even instances of slavers who testified that they enjoyed being a slave. But in no way does that make the practice okay. It was a horrible thing that I admonish consistently. I feel the same way about the pedophilic act of a 37 year old marrying a 14 year old. It’s not the age gap that’s my concern, if she was a concerning adult it would be fine whatever the age gap. It’s their choice. But she was a MINOR. And regards to her testimony, she was highly highly socially and religiously pressured to accept it. It’s the same reason why I haven’t told my family why I don’t believe anymore. What would have happened if she said no? The other argument I have is why could they have waited till she was an adult? If your counter argument is that what if one of them died, I would say we have sealings for the dead so that argument doesn’t hold. At the end of the day you clearly have a testimony and nothing will penetrate that unless you consider the idea that the church isn’t true. So I wish you the best as well and I hope you have a merry Christmas. If you have questions I will gladly talk more if you like. 🖖

[@allzeenamesaretaken]

@@AustinLund1 so you say you are ok with a post pubescent early teen marrying a grown man as long as they are in love with each other. However, at the time Helen wrote that she didn’t really want to go through with it. That is clearly not for love. Then you fuzzy the line of the definition of a child, teen, and adult by implying post pubescence is an adult? First off, we don’t know if she had puberty yet. And even if she had, she was still 14. She also wrote about how she felt like her young adulthood was taken from her by marrying Joseph. While I have no evidence they actually had sex (even though that’s not something people wrote about often even in their journals) it doesn’t matter because she mourned the fact that she couldn’t court someone she loved and was sad she couldn’t experience her childhood and teen years. I’m not ok with that fact even if it was just for eternity as you claim. Clearly there were temporal implications to the marriage showing that it wasn’t just for eternity even purely from a social aspect. Personally I think it’s foolish to assume Joseph only had sex with Emma only, but alas, that’s my opinion because non of the women stated at the time “I had sex with Joseph Smith” but there is a lot of evidence he did given the affidavits later as well as one of the women believing one of her children were Joseph’s. Why would she believe that if they never had sex? Regardless, for me, marrying a 14 year old is something that is not ok for a prophet to do and not something a perfect god would command. I am as convinced of this as you are that he is a prophet. And your conviction is fine. You can believe what you want. I am just trying to help you see how the apologetics you are employing don’t work when you take a step back and look at what actually happened. Take Joseph Smith out of it and imagine a 37 year old man proposing to a 14 year old girl. You really are ok with that?

[@allzeenamesaretaken]

@@AustinLund1 look, you clearly take the position that your feelings trump any evidence presented to you. Which is fine. You can believe whatever you want to believe. However you want to justify this and justify god commanding Joseph to do this is your prerogative. I choose to disavow this because it’s vile. There are 2 things that bother me, 1. Your almost 15 comment. You are trying to soften the blow there. It’s still a disgusting fact. And no. She was 14. 2. You assume I dug solely into anti Mormon literature, didn’t wrestle with this, and it seems like you imply I wasn’t doing all the good Mormon things I should be doing. I was doing those things. I had the same testimony you did, which is why I decided to dig into it. If Joseph was a true prophet, then there’s no problem looking into the history because it will show him a true prophet. This fact broke me, and the more I dug into it the more verification I got to the fact that the church, Book of Mormon, and Mormonism as a whole is not true. Joseph Smith made it all up. You asked if it was just him marrying 14 year old that did it for me and if it was just that, I could probably still maintain a testimony. But it’s everything. The kinderhook plates, facsimile mistranslation, temple masonry, the church hoarding money and lying to the SEC, the racism written in the Book of Mormon, the homophobic teachings of the church, the anachronisms, the rock in the hat, the lost 116 pages and his inability to “see” them and find them, the geography issues, lack of archeological evidences… the list just goes on and on. I didn’t want this to be the case. I wanted the church to be true. I honestly did. But when all I have to combat these things is a gut feeling that people in other religions also feel in their respective sects, I have to concede to the fact that it’s all a farce. I’m happy for you that you find peace and joy in the church. I can testify to the peace and joy I feel and the lack of cognitive dissonance I feel knowing it isn’t true. I’m happier than I have ever been. The fear of disappointing my family is tough. The church teaches to vilify those that leave. But I feel such a sense of peace now that I know it isn’t true. A huge emotional burden has been lifted from me and I no longer live in fear of gods judgement. Well, I don’t feel like anything I say is going to do anything to sway you because you view all this from the already formed conclusion that Joseph Smith is a prophet. If you go from that position it’s hard to look objectively at the evidence. It’s also really really bad practice to only read church approved sources. You are getting a clearly biased information with an objective to keep you faithful. I refuse to only look at biased sources. I take them both and come to my own conclusion which I did. The evidence is clear and I bear my testimony that Joseph Smith is not a prophet, that the Book of Mormon is fictional, and that the church today is not gods church. I hope all the best things for you and genuinely hope you continue being happy.

[@allzeenamesaretaken]

@@AustinLund1 that’s great that you believe it’s all true. Clearly we are going around in circles and you keep trying to justify something that is just gross and wrong. You don’t have to agree, but it is to me and nearly everyone outside the church. Honestly this is a piece to the bigger puzzle here. But this fact allowed me to take a step back. It’s foolish to think you should only look at church approved sources. It’s controlling and a cult like behavior. Buy again, you are approaching this under the assumption the church is true and that will cause you to make everything fit that narrative. To the point of justifying breaking commandments (murder) because god said so? If god is law, order, and unchanging then why are his rules so flexible? If his rules are so flexible, then why is homosexual behavior so admonished? Wouldn’t it be better for someone to be with someone of the same sex than them un-living themselves? It’s frustrating when believers only follow gods law when it benefits them. Also, your comment of the negative feelings while reading “anti” literature. I felt the same. And for a long time I avoided it because of that. Until I realized that the “anti” stuff was telling the truth and that the church was the one lying and hiding the truth. I felt uncomfortable because it meant I had to change my belief system. When things don’t agree with your worldview it makes someone uncomfortable. This is basic human behavior. But the more intelligent thing to do is to look at things objectively and allow your worldview to change despite how they make you feel. It’s extremely uncomfortable to recognize the racist teachings of the church. Pretty much all believing members choose to ignore it. But that is at the expense of good humans who want to be equal. And I choose to stand on the side of recognizing the teachings and abolishing them because they are hurtful and wrong. At the end of the day, I see I will not change your mind. We are walking in circles. Again, I’m glad you find peace and joy in the church. Not everyone does, even those that attend. I wish you the best.

[@whats3219]

It took me 12 years and a lot led up to it. The flip switched or the shelf finally broke and totally shattered at a funeral home. Nothing big happened at the funeral viewing itself, but it was while sitting there, contemplating life. It was a funeral for a young mom. Her brothers had both died a few years earlier. Her parents were completely broken. I sat there thinking about life and what comes after death and thought about all of the doubts I had been storing away. And it hit my really hard. I started bawling. Everyone thought it was because of the funeral. But I was crying because I finally had an answer and I felt so much relief that I cried. My last day at church was a couple years before that when I was asked not to bring my disabled kids to church.

[@cheryldueck318]

Ouch! Being asked not to bring your disabled children to church?! How is that at all representative of a loving supportive community, or one that puts so much value in regular church attendance. I imagine that must have also been very painful for you 💗

[@dianedavidson5283]

How cruel, being asked not to bring your disabled children to God’s home.

[@dianestafford6968]

I am so sorry they said that to you, that is not what Jesus would say. 💔

[@effiebug4278]

I am not Mormon myself. In my experience with members of the LDS, it's all about appearances.

[@rachelfagerburg1695]

That really sucks; it's not very Christlike of them to ask you to not bring your disabled kids to church. Every disability is different and different considerations need to be made and strategies implemented, they just take more work than exclusion. I grew up Mormon (am now ExMormon) and when I was in primary, there was also a boy a few years younger than me who always had an adult with him (his father or a woman -- I don't remember if she held a primary calling or was a carer hired by his parents). This boy was autistic and semi verbal (his words were difficult to understand and he had a talking tablet) and struggled to stay in his seat, so he sat in the back and could get up and walk around. It was also junior primary, so if his vocal stims weren't really all that out of place.

[@Sepsis2x]

I have just come across your account within the last couple days, and I'm really appreciative of your views and opinions. I'm an "active" Utah mormon. I use the quotes because my wife and I are in the middle of a faith crisis, and it's hard. At this point, we go to church every Sunday, because that's what we do. Hearing your stories about how you told your husband and how you told your mom have really helped me with some perspective. I don't think I'm ready to call it quits yet, but if I do decide to pull away completely, I'm most worried about losing our community support structure. I have 2 kids, they are both elementary school aged. It feels really disingenuous to keep taking them to church every Sunday when I feel the way that I do. However, I'm nervous about the community repercussions they will face if we don't go to church. It's a really scary thing to live in such a high LDS population and to choose to ostracize yourself. From what I have been able to gather from some of your videos is that you also have 2 kids, and you either live in or used to live in Utah. I would really like to know your experience with community.

[@tammyzydonis2911]

Have you found Micah Wilder on KZbin. SO helpful!!!

[@Sepsis2x]

@@tammyzydonis2911 I appreciate the advice. I have not come across Micah, I'll check it out.

[@julesg94]

This must be very scary. The thought of your community support structure must be one of the things that keep people "in line" the most. I hope it gets better, whatever You decide to do ir is best for your family

[@indyi5344]

I am sorry to hear you are having such a scary and unsettling time. I cannot imagine how it feels, for I was raised in a household that had (dad) rejected Catholicism and (mom) rejected Southern Baptist beliefs. But I can tell you this- there is a whole, vast wide world of community outside of being in a church. I have spoken to people from various faiths who have abandoned or changed their beliefs, and 100% of the time, no matter the religion, their sentiment was that their greatest fear was of leaving the community. But here’s the thing- fear is the absolute worst reason to stay in any kind of relationship. I won’t pretend I know what it’s like to live in Utah either, but I do promise that there are many many people out there in the wide world who will be happy to know you no matter what your faith is.

[@miracleufodiama1453]

that's how you know it's a cult, when there are such great repercussions for leaving.

[@douglascheesman]

I remember when I lost my testimony as well- and have previously described it exactly as you did as a “light switch” moment. I was sitting in a Southern California chapel in the year 2000. I was 18 years old and the upcoming election had a ballot initiative on it called Prop 22…which was messaged as the “defense of marriage” act in California. It basically said that marriage could only occur between a man and a woman, so it didn’t outlaw gay marriage but it did eliminate its legitimacy. I was lucky enough to have a history teacher who was a strict constitutionalist and, being a good Mormon boy, I had won the Constitution award and followed the Laws of the Land and also was a true believer in the gospel of “Love One Another”. That Sunday, in front of the whole congregation I watched our bishop, who also happened to be a lawyer, advocate for a neighborhood canvassing to drum up support for Prop 22 and sudden realization, like a thunderclap, struck me and in that second my faith and belief evaporated as I saw the lies and artifice melt away revealing a room full of angry white people who did not love their gay brethren. My grandmother, and my uncles, and the Mom’s and Dad’s of friends who I had spent my whole young life around were nodding in agreement to an espoused doctrine that ran so counter to all that I had been taught previously- I can honestly say that my steadfast belief at that time, the logic that I had attached to everything and the internalized truth of all the doctrine is what saved me. The Jesus that I had been taught about embraced lepers and sinners and whores and non-believers- so on that day confronted by the Church leadership’s hypocrisy I was, for the first time, awakened. It took me several months to truly extricate from the structures in place. But I am not “inactive”, I have been activated. The Church is not true. Joseph Smith was not a true prophet and that is okay. I was raised in a cult and that is also okay. I just hope that others can find a landing spot like I have, post their LDS upbringing.

[@LillyMecham]

The moment I lost my testimony was when my best friend friend told me her brother was gay. She cried and cried thinking I wouldn’t want to be her friend anymore because I was Mormon.

[@andysabur4966]

@@AustinLund1not ex mormon or even American, but I think OP meant like they didnt like the association of themself with possibly homophobic Mormon beliefs? (idk how welcoming Mormonism is to gay people) Like it seems a few comments are "a Mormon person/event/thing happened and it confirmed that I dont want to be part of this" whereas OP had a "my best friend was afraid of my Mormon reaction, so I maybe should reevaluate my faith". Idk if like OP felt they were becoming a bad person (cutting off ties with a person cuz their brother is gay) and so wanted to change, or that they were already accepting of gay people but association with Mormons made the best friend assume possible homophobia, but either way something had to change I guess Sorry for speaking over OP, I kinda had to read a few times too so this is me just spitballing and trying to understand myself what OP meant

[@LillyMecham]

@AustinLund1 hey Austin. I see that this doesn’t seem like a big deal or enough of a reason to lose my testimony, to you. You’re right, I could have held both the church and my friendship in my heart. I did for a while despite not believing. What happened in that moment was that I knew I supported gay people, and I have no desire to associate myself with a church that doesn’t FULLY accept them. Not just “love” them. She was so full of shame and fear of how I would respond because of how other members had treated her. And yes, I know that that is other members and not the church itself, but again, I don’t want to be a part of a church that even facilitates that culture. And doesn’t let them be married in the temple, ect. Also, this was the isolated moment that I lost my testimony. I don’t owe anyone the full story/context of the situation but I’m sharing anyway. There were many issues I already had with the church and many followed. Bottom line is, the lds church doesn’t align with my values and it likely never will. Leaving the church and living authentically has been hard and isolating but also so rewarding and freeing. It sounds like you have a strong testimony and that the church makes you very happy. I’m so glad it does. You don’t get to decide that someone has to believe in the church or that there reason for not believing isn’t enough. Additionally, no one owes you a full story or context, especially on a video you didn’t make. The question was, when did you lose your testimony, and that’s what I answered. I mean this in the least petty way possible, I would suggest not challenging people’s religious trauma in comments and just enjoy what you have. (:

[@nikolaschapapas6014]

@@LillyMecham While you don't need validation from anyone but yourself, I applaud your decision and reasoning.

[@kurie8143]

I had been questioning and struggling for a long time. A lot of things just weren’t adding up for me but my final straw was when I watched a group of 3-5 year olds being taught they were sinners and needed to ask Gods forgiveness. Their lists of sins included taking a siblings toy, getting mad because they didn’t get what they want and other typical kid things. I was flabbergasted and it was like everything hit me at once. My questions grew and I realized religion could never answer these questions because it would endanger their control over their followers. I remembered how when I was little my grandma would insist I needed to go up to the podium to give my testimony. Someone would scoot out a stool and bend the microphone down for me to be able to reach to speak into it. Then grandma would whisper the right words in my ear so I could repeat them into the mic. It felt strange to me as a kid but as an adult it baffled me. I am blessed in the fact that growing up my mom went through a faith crisis. She was always looking for the “right” church. We started as Mormon and often times circled back to it but we also went to several other churches in her quest to find the “true church”. As a result when I walked away from organized religion I felt I had already done the exploring and didn’t need to explore church anymore. I am much more spiritual than religious now and much happier for it.

[@kurie8143]

@@AustinLund1 I’m glad you’re happy. I believe it’s a bunch a malarkey. Don’t come preaching at me unless you want to know all of why I believe as I do. You will not change my mind and I deal with enough religious nuts that I politely keep my mouth shut around. A random internet strange will not get the same courtesy from me. As far as I’m concerned if you feel like commenting and coming at me with your holier than thou attitude preaching at me about asking for the lord’s forgiveness then you are consenting to me calling out all the hypocrisy and lies all churches, including the LDS, spews. As far as I’m concerned you’re in a cult. I’ve seen too much to believe otherwise.

[@Lomochenko]

This is the exact reasons I lost all faith to a tee.

[@ravenmoon4819]

It’s disgusting to me how they teach that 8 is the age of accountability, also that your sins are ‘washed away’ when you’re baptized. If you can’t sin before you’re baptized, what the hell is being washed away??

[@194californiagirl]

I lost my testimony probably around 14 when we had a lesson on the 3 kingdoms of heaven. My parents had gotten divorced and i was living with my single mom who did everything she could to be a good Mormon. She had us read the scriptures every night, say our prayers, we never missed a Sunday, she served a mission. But because she and my dad had been divorced and she never remarried she wasn't allowed to go to the highest kingdom. At that point I realized that the whole thing was made up because in my mind God would never look down on someone who tried with every fiber of their being to be a good faithful Mormon and be a wonderful single mom. My mom eventually went through her own faith crisis in her 50s similar to yours and it's nice to be able to speak to her more freely about the church and what is wrong with it.

[@brettpinion4233]

That was terrible. The biblical God is the opposite of this. Jesus said there is no marriage in heaven and he said that the last shall be first. The least are as important as the greatest. I am sorry your mother and you were abused by a false cult. J.S. wrote a book for lustful men

[@ElderMaruri]

Hello. You are misunderstanding doctrines. The Scriptures are to be understood (1) as a whole and not as self-contained isolated truths and (2) by the influence of The Holy Spirit. If your mother and you and everyone did everything in their power to be obedient, The Holy Trinity cannot and shall not withhold any blessings (2 Nephi 25:23). This topic has been addressed during recent general conferences.

[@Ms_Princess_Zelda]

When my sister came out after meeting with parents bishop etc and my parents said “the church leaders say we must disown her, what are we going to do as a family”. I remember that day. Core memory learning how it really was. My eyes were opened not because my sister’s situation but the response from the church. Literally was a perfectly adjusted and kind person who didn’t deserve ANY of that.

[@liana4454]

For me it was learning about the book of Abraham. I think I was ready before then, I'd been slowly allowing myself to research and be critical of the church and especially Joseph Smith. But I was too used to justifying and apologizing for church doctrine and policy so I still entertained the possibility the church was flawed but true. Something about how blatantly false and made up the whole Egyptian papers "translation" was... it was the last straw. Can't describe the relief I felt wash over me as I watched a John Dehlin podcast covering the topic and I finally let my faith go. I didn't feel compelled anymore to justify the horrible truths from church history, the homophobia, the racism, and all the misogynistic crap Id accepted my whole life as a Mormon woman. Was more life changing and uplifting than any of the spiritual experiences I thought I'd had before.

[@johnrowley310]

The whole thing was a fraud...

[@maxvenker9714]

I don't quite get the full stipulations of all of this since I didn't grow up with it, but I have been considering and trying to explore. So how is the things she bring up incorrect and the translation inspired? Or perhaps I am asking this improperly, just what makes her leaving wrong? What truth is there that shows she is being misguided?

[@Dm10999]

​@@johnrowley310this is such a weird comment.

[@HomeEcSewing]

I can't pinpoint when I lost my faith in the church, I just remember everything about it being so hypocritical that I couldn't keep it all straight. My father lied about his income to cheat on his tithing, but still had a temple rec. I was constantly harassed about my sexuality as a teen, and was denied the opportunity to go to college (I went eventually, after estranging myself from my "family") after HS because that was "not my calling." Thanks for bringing this to the public's attention.

[@Greenicegod]

I was raised Mormon, but I'm not sure I ever had any faith. I remember one time when I was very young, maybe 8 or so, we were packing for a family trip. I couldn't find my stuffed squirrel, and I remembered one of my teachers saying to pray if I needed help. I prayed, and then I found the squirrel, and took it as proof that the prayer hadn't worked. It was obviously me who found the squirrel, not god, and I hadn't felt any external force guiding my thoughts or actions. Thus prayer was catogorized with all the other things that don't work, like wishing for jetpacks on birthdays, or moving stuff with the force.

[@EricaJoy4444]

I had a similar experience of testing the single last thread of belief after my teenage years of slowly giving up belief. I prayed, kneeling at my bedside with all power and focus of my mind and heart and followed whatever the proper formula was "Knock and it shall be opened" etc, etc. And I was filled with peace as I at last accepted that there was no God looking over my shoulder and judging me and that it was just me to decide what was right and what I was going to do. I was high on the sense of freedom and peace for days after. Looking back, I think I was really done with religion of any sort but felt an obligation to go through the ritual just to be sure.

[@junehatter8479]

I've struggled with severe OCD since I was little, and I've worked very hard to try to get my ritualistic behaviors and thoughts under control. The moment I lost my faith is when I had the realization that I couldn't distinguish between my religious beliefs and OCD compulsions. I couldn't tell if I was praying because I wanted to, or if it was because my disorder was telling me that something bad would happen if I didn't. I would follow OCD compulsions rather than ignore them because I thought, what if it's the holy spirit prompting me, and again, something bad will happen if I ignore those "promptings"? Basically, I realized that continuing to live as a Mormon was only feeding the mental illness I had spent my life battling. I had already stopped attending church by that point, but that was what finally let me fully let Mormonism go mentally and emotionally. I couldn't believe it when I read that book I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy and she described her similar experiences. I'd thought it was just me and had never spoken about it before.

[@LKYme]

I responded before I finished reading your comment! I remember reading the very same thing in Jenette's book. That is something that is probably shared by everyone with OCD in the church.

[@summerbunnygirl1628]

Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I have OCD as well and I discovered the exact same thing. I’m trying to step back from religion because the things I was doing were only feeding my OCD

[@ingela_injeela]

Joseph Smith was a con man. Jesus is REAL, and He warned against false prophets like Smith.

[@noahmorgan13]

I was 12. It was a summer afternoon. A Sunday afternoon, to be exact. I was spending the weekend at my Grandparents house, and my cousin who is 3 months younger than me was also there. My Grandparents invited a set of twin boys from church over to have a play date with my cousin and I. They were redheaded, freckle faced 10 year olds whose names I can't remember. But I didn't like these boys. I didn't even know them. Neither did my cousin. Eventually I walked inside, and I heard it. My Grandparents and these boys parents, planning my life for me. Making arrangements for me to marry one of the twins, and my cousin the other. How we would have a double wedding, what our children would look like, how wonderful it would be. And I stood there stunned, listening, I heard them say they wanted this wedding to happen the January after my cousin and I turned 15. That way, I would have my first child before my 16th birthday. That way, they wouldn't have to deal with the shame of not being able to financially afford to send my cousin and I on our mission trips, because if we were married with babies, we wouldn't be expected to be sent on them obviously. It was like someone threw a bucket of ice water over me. All I could think was that if they thought their God would shame them for being unable to afford to send us on mission trips, and would be happier if my cousin and I were married and on our second or third babies by 19, I couldn't support that God. I had hopes and dreams for my future. And I realized that none of them even involved a mission in the first place. I continued going to church until I was 15. And refused to participate in anything. It was like my eyes were finally open and I could see it all. The sexism, the abuse, the homophobia, all the focus on status and money and how much better than everyone they all thought they were. I was so disgusted. I haven't set foot in a Mormon church in over a decade.

[@odomn]

Not to diminish your experience, but you are female. Women in the church are allowed to serve a mission if they actively seek to, but it is not expected that they will as it is expected of the boys. There would have been no shame in not having the money to send you on a mission, because as a woman you wouldn't have been expected to go.

[@MauiMay17]

I remember the moment I lost my testimony. I was quote “lucky” and had a mom who wasn’t super Mormon, she drank coffee and didn’t wear her garments and we got a lot of hate for that growing up. So I was always skeptical about the church because they put down people like my own mother. But that’s beside the point. When I was ten my best friend passed away and we got a lot a gifts from people in our ward, including our stake president asking us to give our family a blessing. I remember sitting in my living room with a strangers hands on my head telling me all these things to make me feel better about my friends death and how I’d see him in the afterlife, it was gods plan, bla bla bla. And I couldn’t help think that it was all a load of crap. I felt nothing but anger and betrayal that everyone had been telling me that my friend’s death was for the better and that it was just god testing me. I lost my testimony at the ripe old age of ten and never went back. And like in the beginning, I was lucky to leave with my mom and she has always been my number one supporter.

[@LKYme]

❤

[@ppgranja3]

Thank you so much for sharing this! We are like a cancer for active members, they say on our faces that they want us around, but it's not true. They rather stay away from us so they don't get "contaminated" by our wickedness. I left the church in Feb this year and have been looking for ex-mormon channels to become part of. Subscribed!

[@KittyCuties33]

It sounds like you've had some painful experiences. I truly hope you find healing. Please know that behavior is not the same as one's worth or value. That belief can be corrected in our own minds and can help us find greater growth. Many practicing members don't mind being around those who have decided to leave...if it can still be a mutually respectful and uplifting environment. I can be compassionate and understanding if one decides to leave, but I also ask for the same understanding and respect for my decision to stay without tearing down my beliefs or making fun of the Church I go to or trying to persuade me to also leave when I don't want to. If there can still be encouragement and respect both ways, that's fine, but unfortunately that isn't always the case. We all get to choose the friends we have and the people we hang around with and how often, religion or not. I have friends from many different backgrounds and religions, but I want to be around them because they are also striving to come toward God in what they believe and are respectful toward me too. I'm fine being around all sorts of people as long as it's safe, but the people I choose to be around the most are those who are aiming for similar goals to mine and we can encourage and guide each other along the way, in or out of the Church. That doesn't mean others are "bad people." It means that sometimes others' choices aren't leading toward the results I want for myself, so I can make different choices while still encouraging them. I want to be around others who encourage me to follow the good teachings that are taught, and I will choose to have less contact with those of any beliefs that aren't mutually respectful towards me or aren't safe to be around, just as you most likely want too. I have found great peace and purpose in coming to better understand the doctrines taught in the scriptures, and I can respect those who see differently. I'm glad God's truth can be found in so many places; He truly does love each of us. ❤️

[@Deliah_36]

I was a missionary when it happened. I was sitting at someone's living room giving him the lessons with my partner and another member. As I was reciting the "first vision" It hit me. How manipulated and well constructed the lessons are and how we were taught to repeat those lessons.... I was amazed. I've always had a good judgment between good and bad and I knew immediately that was wrong. Next day I asked the missionary president to let me go home, of course he said no, I had to lie and put my dignity on jeopardy to be sent home.

[@Decision_Justice]

As a Faithful member of the church I was always doing my best to follow the gospel completely. I spent every day giving 100% commitment to the church and to its leaders and to the gospel. Other people in the church had at times confided in me the pain they were suffering due to the men leading the church and the cruel things they had done. I knew it was wrong to criticize the leaders God had placed over us, so I encouraged them to bring themselves into conformity with the requirements of the church (I assumed they were not being faithful; I was likely wrong). In short, I did not listen to these revelations of abuse of authority being done by the leaders, when I should have listened closely and given real help to those who were suffering. I didn't listen. That is, I didn't listen until it happened to me. The abuse I was suffering was real abuse that I couldn't deny. And I couldn't just say it was a misunderstanding. Due to my physical incapacity at the time I had to send a handwritten letter asking an authority my husband was personally acquainted with for guidance. I received a personal handwritten and signed letter in response. The contents of the letter shocked me. This shocking letter admonished me that we must OBEY the Lord's anointed servants, including the Bishop, no matter what he says or tells us to do. This man of authority in the church who wrote this letter to me insisted that we must obey the Bishop no matter what he says because even if it is wrong, God will bless us for obeying. That we should do what the Bishop says to do, even if it is "MURDER or ADULTERY", because *it wouldn't be wrong if God commands* it. He said it wouldn't really be murder or adultery if God commanded it. And this was if a BISHOP commanded it! I had been taught that this applied to following the Prophet, but I had not heard that it applied to a Bishop! Out of concern for the well-being of the church I confided in no one except my husband. I told no one what I was going through as I did not want to shake anyone's testimony. The abuses of authority continued while I brought this letter to the proper authorities in the church. At first some authorities confirmed that this was the teaching of the church. I was so patient over this year and a half going to authority after authority up the chain of command in the church. No one would disavow *that this was indeed DOCTRINE* of the church. I could not believe the authorities in Salt Lake City were unwilling to disavow this being DOCTRINE. Each day I tried to confide my pain in my husband. And my husband, my Priesthood leader, whom I loved dearly would only scream at me for "rocking the boat." His efforts were geared toward making me stop asking for clarification and silencing me so he could return to his comfortable life of never questioning the church. It wasn't until after the final response from Salt Lake City that I started looking at non-church sources about the church. I started reading books. I sent for copies of original documents on church history. I was so careful. I did not want to be fooled by what I had been told all my life were "anti-Mormon literature." To my shock and dismay I learned the church had a history of abuse of power. That abuse went all the way back to and included Joseph Smith. This was nothing new. It was *SYSTEMIC* in the church. Oh how badly I felt for dismissing the concerns of others who had come to me in the past hoping to find someone in the church to hear them - to really hear them. I had to stop believing in the church. And I could not raise my children in this CHURCH OF ABUSE AND CRUELTY.

[@JohnDLee-im4lo]

Stop the crap. You never had faith or a testimony. You just were a poser in the church who took the first convenient off ramp. Good riddance of your kind.

[@ingela_injeela]

Joseph Smith was a con man, an adulterer and a pdf file. Jesus is REAL, and He warned against false prophets like Smith.

[@brettpinion4233]

I am sorry you were abused by a cult. The biblical God is not found in the LDS temple. The God of the bible tells us to not lie and to love one another like ourselves.

[@sarahpinho1114]

New subscriber here! I just stumbled upon your channel. Thank you so much for your openness and honesty about this subject. It took me four decades to leave this church I was born into, slowly deprogramming myself. I can honestly say it stole most of my life. I think many people don't realize the extent of damage false belief can do to a person.

[@amycrippen9058]

I came across your page a few weeks ago. I must say your videos have helped me process leaving the church 20years ago. I was a young child who didn’t feel comfortable with the teachings. I ended up with a teen pregnancy and was shunned by my family. I raised my child alone fully supporting us at age 16. I didn’t believe in the church but was young and impressionable. I still worried inside maybe this is true and I’m risking my salvation. My home teacher who was male at the time talked me into marrying my son’s father. He was abusive but at least “I wasn’t living in sin anymore.” Long story short. I tried to force myself to be a good Mormon because my parents and the church community used my fears to get me to stay in the church. I believe it’s with good intentions because they truly believe the Mormon doctrine.

[@gabbie921]

@@AustinLund1Austin, you give me a sense that you are such a kind-hearted and encouraging person. Wishing you the happiest year in 2024!

[@PacoOtis]

Bravo! Young lady, I am so proud of you and you are a breath of fresh air having escaped the bonds of religion! Religion is truly the cancer of the intellect of the planet! I never did "leave" religion as I never did believe any of the nonsense! My parents were freethinkers and told me choosing a religion was much too serious a decision to make for someone else and I should examine the world and study and decide on my own path. I did so and now consider all religions to be nonsense and I am an "antitheist" as I am against all religions. I wish you the very best of luck! I got to have my lack of religion put to a test when, as a helicopter pilot in Vietnam, I found myself running around in a rice paddy with bullets in the water around me and I said " I hope they miss" and made it to cover. No invisible man prayers or anything!! LOL

[@MilenaArtjoms]

✨horrified looks from everyone in the room✨ but that’s amazing that you had the courage to bring that up during a testimony👏💪

[@lavenderbee423]

It was when the bishop didn't want to release me from a calling. I asked to be released, because I could teach primary or attend sacrament, and I wanted to take the sacrament. He was reluctant, saying I would fall away without a calling. I insisted, and he did release me. Three weeks later, as I was walking out of the church crying due to anxiety, it was like my whole spiritual life flashed before me. That I was a project member. If they could keep me in line, I was a great speaker for them, but if I stepped a toe out, I would be the focus of their leadership meetings. And how many meetings had I attended, treating people like projects, hoping that they would see the light of the Gospel? It was a horrifying and humbling thought.

[@thorn.charmer]

The only thing the status quo hates more than black sheep is truth speakers. I grew up in a different religion but I could relate to this fully. Thank you for speaking your truth.

[@OkieJammer2736]

YOU ARE SUCH A WOW, COURAGEOUS YOUNG WOMAN. I am so proud of you!

[@nikolaschapapas6014]

I appreciate your sharing, and it appears many others do as well. Your message is assuredly helpful to many others.

[@kentjensen5216]

My wife leaving the church was the impetus for me to step back and look at the church with a critical eye. So, I studied in depth church history, not the "official books", but those by honest historians. I studied other religions and I took a deep dive into Biblical archaeology, Native American DNA, world religions, religious history, and evolution. Once I was done, there was no other conclusion to make other than that the Mormon church wasn't true and that all religion is man made. My wife and I resigned from the Mormon church and we've never looked back.

[@JohnDLee-im4lo]

Thanks for leaving so we didn't have to throw you out.

[@abou8963]

How about loving God's Word and not listening to any man? The Bible teaches God said one husband, one wife. When men try to stand in for Jesus, they fall. But all of us fail because we are not God, nor God's real child. It's ok and was planned. Don't let people steal your joy. God loved us while we were sinning and gave it all for us. And, you must remember the church is going to fall right before Jesus returns. Stick with Bible teachings and stay innocent and loving. Remember, Jesus died for us while we were sinners. And the true order of Jews and Christians must be in the right order.

[@MoRiley9]

@@JohnDLee-im4loHahaha! Just read these posts and you’ll realize that people are leaving your fake “church” in droves.

[@JohnDLee-im4lo]

@@MoRiley9 According to US News and World Report, the Mormon church is the only major faith group in the US to experience any growth in the last decade. Pisses you off, huh?

[@claires9100]

Good for you. Stay away from religion. It only serves to divide people who could otherwise work together to fix the world's problems. Stay clear headed my friend! ❤

[@wrylife57]

I was a convert to the church and active for nearly 20 years, holding callings, etc. My attendance began to wane and I was surprised how luxurious it felt reclaiming my Sundays. Over several years I began to sincerely doubt the teachings of the church and then, one evening, I fell into a few rabbit holes online where I came across the CES letter. I stayed up into the wee hours that night reading it and many more exmo writings and watching videos. I don't remember a specific moment that a switch went off but, if one did, it probably happened that night. A month later I wrote a letter requesting my name be removed from the rolls of the church and I haven't looked back.

[@SquishasaurusRex18]

When I was 18, I fell asleep in the living room of my family home. I was a convert and the only church member in my immediate family. I woke up to being groped by an older step-brother. I alerted my parents, the step-brother was arrested. Not long after, I ended up going to my bishop because I was just in serious need of a blessing due to the trauma and stress. When I told him what happened, he victim shamed and told me it was a trial from God. I had buried my doubts before then but that moment is when everything snapped.

[@christopherrandallnicholson]

My institute teacher gave a lesson supposedly on prophetic fallibility, but he ignored all the real issues and moved the goalposts to "Prophets aren't perfect, but we can still trust them because the scriptures say they speak for the Lord." He didn't mention Brigham Young preaching multiple times that mixed-race couples and their children should be put to death, but he did mention Lehi murmuring against the Lord, a complete non-issue that has never threatened anyone's testimony in the history of ever. I had been holding out for prophetic fallibility to finally make sense, but now I realized the teacher hadn't given a good answer because there wasn't one. That was my last institute class.

[@jurekzarzycki2341]

Very cool story! For me the first major crack in my "testimony" was when I learned all this stuff about Joseph Smith in the local LDS Institute of Religion's history course. As time went by, I learned more real history and my anger and resentment grew but for my wife's sake I still went to church. She knew of my frustrations and even sympathized to some small degree. Then one Sunday in February of 2000, when the church was in the middle of another anti-Gay campaign, I attended a "fast and testimony meeting." One of the members was saying some outrageous stuff about Gays and I wanted my time at the microphone to say what I thought about that, but my wife begged me not to embarrass her and not to say anything. At that point I decided that I can no longer be a member of an openly hateful organization, pretending to support their campaign of persecution against Gays. I thought "what would I do if I was a member of a new patriotic movement in 1933 Germany, which suddenly sets out to exterminate all Jews?" Would I sit quietly and not say anything for the sake of good relationships with neighbors? NO!" I could not stand being identified as a member of a hateful organization, especially one that was based on lies to begin with. I walked out in the middle of that meeting and never went back. Almost 24 years ago. We still have a wonderful marriage, mainly due to my wife's acceptance AND SUPPORT of my need to not be a hypocrite. I sometimes joke that I will be back when my bishop will be a married-in-the-temple Gay and the meetings will be clothing optional. I think I have a good few years before I will have to keep my word on that. LOL!

[@Scottie_McNaughty]

Anything that could go wrong was going wrong (divorce, no money, nowhere to live etc). I was having a mental breakdown while driving, and pulled over. I screamed "f*** you!" to God, & immediately felt a fear of retaliation. Then it became a sudden wave of stress relief. I started thinking about things my atheist friends had said, & realized my list of excuses for the church was becoming unsustainably long. In that moment I realized I didn't need to be beholden to nonsense & fake smiles to live my life... It was the most freeing & realization of my life.

[@AndrewKendall71]

But that WAS a deep, beautiful, spiritual feeling. That feeling like "absolute garbage" was an experience of the difficult but real TRUTH.

[@josephmcc2409]

When i was a teenager my dad left the church. I was told that he was a bad man for doing so... i treated him poorly because i thought he was a Laman or a Lemuel... i fully immersed myself in the lds faith. On my mission my little brother died and when i got back home i performed his temple work for him... i remember feeling disappointed because i didn't feel any closer to him... it was a though he wasn't there anymore. In college i had a series of mental breakdowns and was diagnosed with OCD and Bipolar type II (I'd been struggling with these things all my life but just thought i was weak or ineffective compared to my brothers... but now i knew there was a reason. I took the prescribed medicine and the quality of my life drastically improved... medicine had done for me what prayer, fasting and blessings never could... this was important because in this moment i realized that the mind was material. In college i went on to study psychology, chemistry, physics and Biology... and during all that i remember it dawning on me that Evolution was real. I remember feeling the holy ghost confirm to me it was real. Excited, i buried to my institute teacher to share what i had found. I remember him telling me that evolution was wrong and he then proceeded to explain to me why it was wrong... (now remember i had just taken 4 years science classes) and i remember listening to him with a rising horror as i realized that this man didn't know what he was talking about. I looked up what church leaders had to say on the subject and found to my horror that even the prophets denied evolution. I listened to their videos and even Russell Nelson explaining why evolution wasn't real... and that all of his reasoning was incorrect... he didn't know what he was talking about either. If they could be so wrong about this then what else could they be wrong about. I remember sitting in my apartment and realizing that i was an atheist. I still attended church for a year. People would always come up and tell me that they felt the spirit in my comments and that they could see the light in my eyes... and then one day our elders Quorem president asked each of us to say "I'm a member of the church of Jesus Christ..." and I felt it would be a lie if i repeated the declaration (as an atheist i was pleasantly surprised to mind i still had a very strong moral code lol) and so i told them that "actually I'm an atheist". Everyone laughed because they thought i was joking but i confirmed that i really was one and had been so for over a year now...after class a bunch of people came up to check if i really was atheist and i confirmed that i really was. They said they'd never have guest... (you see i always was very careful with what i said so that i never lied) Anyways i knew that if i returned whatever i said in class would now be viewed with suspicion... so as i drove home that day i decided not to go back... and honestly... there were pros and cons... i now didn't have a social group... but as time went by I'm honestly really greatful that i left. My life, philosophy and morality has improved drastically. For me this was amazing! And now i have a great relationship with my dad who I'd been a jerk to for 25 years... because he's awesome and loves me for who i am regardless. Lol. Totally don't deserve him. Thankfully most of my family has gradually left the church and now we all laugh and joke about it. My family is much happier now than when i was in the church.

[@LalaaCherry]

Girl 😂😂😂😂😂😂you had the women stunned 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 and I absolutely LOVE IT❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@anitah2404]

Church members do not want to hear anything other than the same old niceties in the meetings. I was verbally attacked in the Relief Society mtg after I mentioned some real life struggles I’ve dealt with relating to family issues. They only want positive vibes. I never set foot in that building again.

[@andreagriffiths3512]

I was raised C of E, non-conformist. Anyone from any religion was welcome in my childhood church and it was very mild. Then we moved country and my family had a few churches they tried but none stuck. Flash forward to uni where I was expected to host a tutorial. I’d been assigned religious holidays and I hated public speaking so I decided on what I thought was a contentious topic since I didn’t not believe in my childhood religion. I stated that religious holidays were merely there to keep the general population satisfied with the status quo. Well, as I expected, the whole class erupted into heated debate and I sat back and watched them forget all about me. As a ploy to get out of it as easily as possible it worked 100% and I didn’t even care my low grade for it….then, years later, I started to believe my statement a lot more and no longer consider myself, in any way, religious. I guess the non-conformist bit really took hold in me. I def don’t conform

[@maracaegrizzley8734]

What finally broke my belief in the Church was the moment I realized that the Church had lied to me, and by those lies had broken the Oaths between us. I had not failed God, the Church had failed me and in that failure set me free. There is no interpretation of events that does not result in the breaking of those oaths, so I owe them nothing.

[@maracaegrizzley8734]

@@AustinLund1 Oh you poor, sweet, unthinking little Christian boy. I want you to look back over your comment for a moment and think about what you are saying and whether that is really what you want to be saying or not. Because, trust and believe, I have spent the greater part of my life thinking and considering and rolling the matter over and over and over again in my mind. I am not misguided. I am not "lost". Jesus and I talked about this in depth and I have come to the only conclusion which is supported by the facts. The fact of the matter is that an organization which claims Divine Inspiration for all their choices called men into leadership positions who caused willful, catastrophic, and traumatizing harm to those who had no voice and no power against them. The very ones that Jesus, by the characterization we are given, valued most of all. The children. Children were made to cry quietly, with no expectation of comfort and no ability to stop the tears. Children were harmed by those the Church called into leadership positions. Either the Church knew the character of these men or they did not and either way, that act breaks the oaths that bound me. If the Church knew the character of these men, then they approved of the harm they did and I am freed. If the Church didn't know the character of these men, then they lied to me when they said that they were divinely inspired and the lie set me free. There is, in fact, a third path which exonerates the Church, but I really don't think you want to imply that your God knew the character of these men, knew the harm they had done and would do, and called them to leadership within His Church anyway, because that means that God is culpable for the broken oaths, I am still free, and you serve a demon. I didn't just walk away from Mormonism, by the way. I walked away from Christianity as a whole. Oaths are very important to me. One's sworn word is sacred. Jesus stands with my ancestors in a place of honor, but I don't need to call myself by that name to follow the path he laid, the path he taught. I don't need to call myself "Christian" to choose compassion for others in my life. So you need to take a moment and think, really think, about whether the words you posted here exemplify the teachings of Jesus because you did not sound compassionate, or caring, or loving. You sounded condescending and arrogant. You sounded like someone who had a knee-jerk need to correct the lived experience of another human being without consideration for the effect and impression of your words. You sounded like someone who has heard the "proper" explanations for so long that you have stopped thinking about what the words mean at all. Choose you this day whom you will serve, whether it be the Church or whether it be Jesus. Because those two paths are no longer compatible and all ideals will come into conflict. What we choose illustrates what matters to us, what really matters.

[@gulfcityswampwitch7108]

My big moment was when I found out that the church has 100 BILLION dollars, and I still got shat on for not paying tithe when I was making $1200 a month...😢😢😢 the stories of how family's that wanted to go to the temple to be sealed to their children, but they had to CHOOSE which children to take bc they couldn't afford to take them all, and they are from the countries that give THE MOST...I lost all hope that there was anything God like in them.

[@mdel2k23]

When my bishop got upset with me because I wouldn’t give my 10% tithing to the church but rather would spend my money to do things in the community to help the homeless. I mean I’m still using the money for good right? Why does it have to go to the church?

[@bromleykatly]

Eeespecially when you find out what they have really been doing with that money....sheesh

[@mdel2k23]

@@bromleykatly yep exactly 😂

[@TheSamjane4]

@@AustinLund1The church builds temples and church buildings IN AMERICA. I’m Australian and got sick to death of these beautiful ornate temples being built in the USA and all we got were those carbon copy cheap look a like things. Also my ward had always met in a real estate office building because they keep saying there is no money to build a real chapel….while again building massive ornate chapels in the USA. We also have no Bishops storehouse or anything of the like here either. I firmly believe tithing from the members of other countries should stay in that country to help the local members. I got sick of donating money so that the USA members could have temples that cost millions whilst ours cost thousands and we can’t even get a proper ward building. And then to see the church buying up land and shopping centres while my ward literally shares one toilet..yes just one toilet in one bathroom for everyone …no thanks

[@agarber1932]

If you pay tithing to the LDS Church they will use it to buy more shares in Apple and Microsoft. You are doing the right thing. God bless you.

[@Stanley-x2t]

@@bromleykatly What have they been doing with that money.

[@cannibalgrape9863]

Thanks for these videos. I was born a nihilist, so I never had the experience of having and then losing faith. This has made it difficult for me to empathize with religious people, so it is nice to get these sort of behind the scenes discussions about how you lost your faith.

[@sarahlambourn1476]

Last straw to break the camels back was an 18 yr old priesthood member came into relief society and demanded whilst throwing down a bag of wheat on the table saying we had to go to the church farm in East Anglia buy bags of wheat and bring it down to flour for our food storage. I was exhausted full time job, 5 children, husband, 3 callings and on and on. I went home burst into tears and said to my family I am never going back. My kids left with me my husband shortly after. We divorced he has dissappeared with his new mormon wife so he has a new family now my children don't see him. He went back to the church after we divorced. My children all suffer with ptsd because of the mormon church they are getting help but this is over 20 years ago and they are still suffering.

[@bramstokerfan]

Your comment broke my heart. Im not a mormon, so dont worry, this isn't a weird "come back to the church" reply, lol. No, im an atheist who left catholicism and received backlash from my abusive mother, so i totally commiserate and empathize. While reading your comment, i thought of a song "Periphery" by fiona apple. Just wanted to let you know about the song because maybe it will be relatable to u ❤

[@Phill-M]

I have never been a Mormon but was witnessed to by Mormons and spoke with the missionaries for over 18 months. I looked into things very deeply, read the Book of Mormon cover to cover, prayed and fasted. I also looked at whatever history I could get my hands on regarding the Mormon church. I concluded that Joseph Smith was not a true prophet. I was lucky as I already had and still have faith in Jesus. I go to church (currently going to an Anglican church) but I don't have faith in any church and I think this is a key point. I have seen that many Mormons who "loose their faith in the church" then go on to loose their faith altogether which is tragic. For me it seems like the faith was misplaced. It is the person of Christ Jesus that is the Way, the Truth and the Life. We must place our faith in Him, not in any church. Don't throw the baby (Jesus) out with the bath water.

[@woodystube1000]

If I may, I believe I speak for a lot of Ex Mormons when I say this. Leaving the LDS church is usually the end result of a lot of critical thinking and asking questions or researching the answers. It is extremely emotional and upends your life, so it is not an easy thing. Once a person begins the modality of true critical thinking, they tend to apply this to all aspects of religion and not just the LDS church. It's the, "Well, what else have I been led to believe that just isn't true?" mentality. By our nature (ex mormons) we want peace, love, forgiveness, and all the things the dogmatic Jesus stands for. Unfortunately, the Bible just does not stand up to any real scrutiny any better than the Book of Mormon. We want to believe in Jesus and God, we really do, but we see the same falsehoods in all organized religions that we saw when we left the LDS church. Once one realizes Santa Claus isn't real, what is one to do about the Easter Bunny?

[@estrellagarciazamora8721]

Some of us manage perfectly well without Jesus.

[@Phill-M]

@estrellagarciazamora8721 all I can say is that for me everything is better with Jesus. I wish you well.

[@estrellagarciazamora8721]

@@Phill-M That's nice, but my point was we're all different; what's medicine for someone might be poison for another. Something that makes your life better might have no effect or a bad one in other people's lives.

[@Phill-M]

@estrellagarciazamora8721 thanks for your reply. I understand what you are saying and I think it is correct for many aspects of life. The existence of God and his messiah is, however, of fundamental importance. Have you come to a conclusion on this point?

[@GrapeWallsOfIre]

That all seems about right. I grew up Mormon, but I never believed any of it, nor did I ever bear my testimony. I stopped going once I got up the courage to tell my mom. Growing up in the church when I was an atheist was a miserable experience, but it's over and I'm much happier now.

[@richardjones1699]

Less of a 'loss' and more of a 'gained integrity'! Good for you Alyssa!

[@WilliamDancin]

This. It's framed as a loss by the church but it's really gaining truth.

[@kamisakura568]

I was living at a monastery, in the countryside and away from town life. There was a library, mostly about the religion. But there was a small section of pop-culture and social trends, including what belief systems and faiths were popular in society at the time. So I read a book about the Moonies (now called the Unification Church). And I thought "Is this cult like what is here in the monastery?" It wasn't. I stayed, and questioned what I heard and saw. The good outweighed the bad, because to be honest there's always going to be bad people doing bad things. Thanks for your story, Alyssa. My experience was kind of the mirror image of yours and I'm glad you were able to leave that situation because you looked and listened and then made your decisions.

[@madisonc489]

That's awesome! Before I finally left I remember there was a few times I just squirmed in my seat because I was so uncomfortable with what was being said. I should have left.

[@Grock66]

Don’t give on Jesus

[@individualm6712]

Minute 2.59. Foot stomp for joy as you read your own faith founder like a library book and assessed his greatness 'wanting' in all the categories that matter in a non-misanthrope and the went full mute. If covid would not have given me a headache i would have howled with laughter!!! So not cringe at all. You navigated that with truth from your heart and facts from researched information. You did what your true Self told you to do. Thank you for your example.

[@TheBmatsoukis]

Going through the SLC Temple was the turning point for me. I desperately tried to hang in there and be a good Mormon. It didn’t work. That was more than 25 years ago.

[@spinaltap1600]

You are a good bit smarter and wiser than the average bear. Good on you for not stepping in line because others before you didn’t have the same opportunity, strength, courage and determination to think and feel and act for themselves. You’re a powerful force for reason and truth and goodness.

[@asceticfeminine]

2014 when the essay came out about the magic rock in the hat being the actual way the BOM was "translated". I was never the same after that, and finally resigned my membership in 2020.

[@julesg94]

Im an atheist, but I study religions and how the impact different societys Thank you for sharing this, is very helpful to understand ex mormons role in deconstruction.

[@JimmyJBraddock]

Do you also study how atheism impacts society?

[@mylesmarkson1686]

@@JimmyJBraddock It doesn't. It's not even a religion.

[@JimmyJBraddock]

@@mylesmarkson1686 the ethic that drives our culture is predicated on the idea of God and you can't just take that idea away and expect the society to remain intact mid-air without any foundational support

[@shawnbradford2243]

@@JimmyJBraddockyes you can or are you saying the only thing that stops you from murdering someone is god?

[@mylesmarkson1686]

@@JimmyJBraddock You sure can. Stop acting like you're the authority on everything just because you have an imaginary friend.

[@johndenver5015]

Bless you. I grew in a Mormon atmosphere. My dad (step dad) always told me to get my own testimony. Search the scriptures. So a few years past and I was in my mid thirties. I met someone in whom I was very much in love with. For the first time I really wanted a Christian home. We separated and I was very heart broken. That is when I knew the heavenly father started noticeably working in my life. So I took my dad's advice and really started looking for "the church" I wanted So much to believe in the LDS religion. But I could never read and get through the book of Mormon. One day as I was reading the KJV Bible and what really stood out to me was when Jesus said he would send back a comforter to lead and guide us into all truths. NO WHERE did it mention Joseph Smith, John Wesleyan or anyone else. God wants us to turn to him and through his holy spirit will teach us what we need to know and seek him with our whole heart. This was my beginning of the end in Mormon doctrine. People are sometimes placed to help us in our growth. Ultimately it is the holy spirit we need to depend on because mankind is fallible. Loved your video

[@tracytre38]

When I was a brand new Christian in high school, I was on a spiritual high for awhile. When that feeling finally faded, I had gone to my high school pastor and told him I was concerned I was losing my faith. The pastor told me that faith and feelings are not the same thing. Your faith is built on the word of God, the Bible, which is your strong foundation. That was 28 years ago now, and I know that he was and is correct. "Feelings" come and go -- we were told about how feelings were some sort of spiritual confirmation in the Mormon church, which was actually right next door to ours. It's the Word that we hold onto, in addition to remembering the countless ways that God has come through for me in my life over the years. Mormonism twists and skewers the gospel. It takes people farther away from God's true word. It is such a shame that so many former Mormons become completely turned off by any kind of faith in God, yet at the same time, I can't blame them one bit. 💔

[@brettpinion4233]

Excellent post. To be Mormon and try and reconcile the BOM and the Bible is to be in a perpetual state of double mindedness. I am sad the the falsity of the BOM turns many to turn against the bible.

[@johnrowley310]

Alyssa, Leave your comments on. I'll take these bashers on any time for you. Their knowledge and logic is weak. They function in the Hive Mind of mormonism. They can only be emotional never dealing with truth.

[@Boxerr54]

Thank you for your frank sharing of how this came to pass. I trust you are finding new truths every day. Love Onward!

[@corylcreates]

For me, I don't think I ever had a testimony. All my interactions in church were like putting on a mask so that my curiosity and critical thinking wouldn't incur judgement and anger from believing members. I stopped going to church when I was around 14. For a few years, adound ages 14-17, I went to my friend's Baptist church. I didn't believe it, but at least my curiosity and questions were met with compassion! And the activities for teens were actually fun!

[@ChristianCatboy]

I was never a Mormon, but I was a Fundamentalist Conservative Evangelical for 30 years (which is why I follow this channel; it helps me recognize the cultish aspects of my own Great Awakening tradition). The moment that forced me to admit to myself that I could no longer believe the doctrines I'd been taught, is when I tried to "make out" with a girl (for the third time in my life). I couldn't do it. I felt disgusted and dishonored, even though I was desperately horny, from decades of repression, Specifically, I realized that it had been kinda okay, until she tried to get me to take more of a dominant role! That quickly compelled me to reject Conservative theology, because I'd experimentally and experientially proven to myself that I'm not straight.

[@jeffreylylemason]

Super brave to share something that you knew wouldn't be popular. I wish more people had the courage.

[@myladysigyn]

The act of looking into the face of our self-delusions and really perceiving the truth is one of the most painful but freeing events of self-actualization a person can go through. And it is really painful. I wasn't raised in a strong religious upbringing but I was raised believing certain racists and sexist things and I was abused by family. It took me well into my adulthood to fully face the bs of those beliefs I was raised with. Some people never find the strength to face those lies we're told since childhood, but for those who do and stick with the hard work of discarding that foundation we build our sense of self on, it means coming out the other side kinder, more loving, and more compassionate to yourself and everyone around you. Thank you for sharing your journey, Alyssa.

[@Timothy4186]

YOU, Alyssa, are an impressive human being. What an incredibly articulate, direct and meaningful expression of your experience. Well said and well done!!

[@eugeneflynn7435]

Your videos are so powerful! Thank you for sharing your perspective with all of us. I grew up as a strict Catholic, attended Catholic school from kindergarten, and was a True Believer. Even considered becoming a priest in middle school, and was convinced that, if all I learned were true, then priesthood was not only the highest and only vocation to follow, but also it was the only rational path to follow. But I distinctly remember, as a 9th grade student in Religion Class, I raised my hand to answer a question, was called upon, and gave the expected and correct answer. But as I finished, and received the approval of the nun teaching the class, I had a sudden realization that I did not actually believe what I had just said. That was it. I realized that the whole story of the Bible, etc., was no different than the Roman and Greek myths, and that the Garden of Eden, the Virgin Birth, and the Rising from the Dead, were just fairy tales like those that humanity had always told themselves. I checked out, and while I maintain a deep interest in religious beliefs as an academic matter and enjoy listening to theological explanations and arguments, I have no doubt that modern religions have no more validity than the thousands of other ancient religions that have existed over the millennia. How people can actually believe the various competing forms of mumbo-jumbo and fantastical stories that pass for modern religions is totally beyond my comprehension. Really, I'm inclined toward George Carlin's epiphany that led him to worship the Sun and pray to Joe Pesci -- a guy who seems like he can get things done. You can find the vid on YT.

[@elizatoponce9375]

I grew up in the Mormon church and lived in Utah until I was twelve. When we moved to Massachusetts I started to see a lot of different perspectives. Most of my friends were queer and I felt weird about the churches views on gender and sexuality. When I got to college I attended campus drag shows on Saturday night and church on Sunday morning. My shelf finally broke when I went for a weekend to visit a friend of mine who had come out as guy less than a year prior. He talked about his struggles and my switch flipped. I wouldn’t support an organization directly against my personal beliefs. Now a year later I’m out as bi, and so much happier.

[@lenaramoon4617]

Hey, Alyssa. I was a convert and then I fell off a few years later. I understand the feeling of hurt and betrayal from everything I used to believed in too. There's a weird pain from losing my religion so to speak.

[@jacobopstad5483]

That concept of gaining a testimony as your bear it is really just a nicer way of saying lie about it until you feel good.

[@pedrito77]

Loved it! I'll share mine after I heal from this awful cold. You rock!

[@christinemec8295]

For me it was during young men/women when I watched a group of boys drag my brother down the hall by his feet while he screamed and cried for them to stop and the adults there did nothing.

[@quacks2much]

I remember the exact moment I stopped believing. I was researching Mormonism on the new Internet in the late 1990s. When I was trying to figure out how to use an Internet search engine (Netscape Navigator). I just started typing in words related to Mormonism, and I was shocked to learn how much anti-Mormon information there was on the Internet, even in the 90s. I thought it was all from the Devil (of course), but some of the stuff started making sense. I then went and got some of the physical references to make sure it was not all Internet misinformation. The first physical book I read was D. Michael Quin's "Mormonism, the Origins of Power," and it was absolutely flabbergasting how much I was never told about Mormonism.

[@muaythaiballerina6463]

I grew up in the church and left at around 19/20 years of age... However, during that time I never once went up to "Bare my testimony" and luckily for me, my mom let me exercise my freedom of choice about it. She never dragged me up there like other parents did who would whisper in their child's ear what they wanted them to say or whatever... I'm glad I never did...wish I wouldn't have been baptized at 8 either but, oh well!

[@STateTFA]

I come from a family where I was the 6th generation of Mormons. I am a very spiritual person and I do believe in a higher power. My faith in the teachings of the Mormon church was extremely strong. I was as Molly of a Mormon during the last 6 years of my devotion to the church as I could be. My husband was in the bishopric and he was abusive, I talked to my bishop about it and he dismissed it. Eventually it was necessary to involve the police (which was discouraged) and he was arrested. The following day was a Saturday and I had made arrangements to go to the temple to do baptism for my deceased ancestors but the bishop insisted that I meet him at his office in the church first. He proceeded to tell me that he had prayed and God had told him that I was lying and then took away my temple recommend. I was in complete shock. I was also instructed not to talk to anyone at church about my private life and that he would let the other church leaders know what was going on. I still went to church with my 8 kids and my bishop continued to bully me. I had an order of protection and he wanted me to drop it. He bullied my friends and insisted they include my husband in their family holidays and threatened them with taking away their recommends. But it wasn't until my 13-year-old daughter came out of church sobbing because her YW leader had mistreated her that I decided we were no longer going to church. I came to the realization that for me it seemed that my entire life the church was an abusive relationship and it was time to get out. I grew up in a toxic, dysfunctional Mormon family and the toxicity was exacerbated by the Mormon doctrine.

[@katelynmoreno1804]

Raise your hand if you believe this story 😂

[@STateTFA]

​@@katelynmoreno1804💯 true.

[@gabedwards]

I'm sorry that it was so hard but that story is pretty legendary! Much respect.

[@harrydecker8731]

That must have been a difficult moment for you, but you had the courage to speak up! Good for you!

[@holladaytimes]

My switch flipped reading The Late War by Gilbert Hunt. Everything I'd seen and heard up to that point could have been anti-mormon literature or the influence of satan, or bad record keeping, or people lying, or whatever. But that book - published when Joseph was only a child (I checked) - read more like the book of mormon than the book of mormon itself. I saw undeniable similarities, and I realized that it was the church that had been lying and the "antimormons" that had been telling the truth all along.

[@anitah2404]

I just googled it and it does sound a lot like the BofM

[@golddragonette7795]

​@@AustinLund1no, it's teething to write in 17th century English but the grammer etc is terrible. It includes mistranslations of things found in older manuscripts in multiple languages. The KJV was not a good translation, do if the B of M was divinely inspired, why did it copy a poor translation?

[@golddragonette7795]

@@AustinLund1 what a perfect excuse, none of has an internal logic nor fits with contemporary evidence.

[@nosajasroenl6627]

Oh Lord Jesus, I asked the Holy Spirit to open every mormon believer’s heart and remove the scales of blindness to you Jesus. We know that only you can help them truly know you. I asked these things in your name. Amen.

[@dawn8293]

When my brother openly criticized Elder Holland for the Musket Fire talk and I couldn't think of a single defense of the talk, the church, or its doctrine. In reality, my story is much longer and more convoluted, but that's the moment the flip switched.

[@SparklesPancake]

That was awesome! I’m not Mormon but had a similar experience where in one moment I realized I had known for years, decades, that I don’t believe but I was not allowing myself to acknowledge that bc of expectations/fear of hell. In that moment I finally let myself acknowledge that I don’t believe it. I have been trying to believe but u can’t force a belief. It’s not a choice. You either do or you don’t. Yay for you and for me and everyone else who finally allows themselves to acknowledge to themselves the truth and stop pretending. 🎉🎉❤❤❤ Church is 100% performative and fear.

[@nohippietruckingandtransportat]

Literally don't know why this video popped up other than I'm in salt lake city right now, but this woman is a straight gangster with no fear. My lord

[@juliabacon3232]

Not LDS or Mormon but I relate to a lot of these comments. I grew up Christian (united) but strayed from God in my young adulthood and struggled with addiction. In my sobriety and through a twelve step program I have built a stronger and more personal connection to God. I strongly believe that my relationship with God is no one but my own business and others relationship with God is their own. There is no place for judgement. 🙏🏻

[@jameswoffinden9215]

For me, it was when reading Mark 12:24-24 where Jesus states that there is no marriage in heaven. Omg when the LDS church says that we can be married for all time and eternity , they are basically calling Jesus a liar. I was 15 years old. I told my parents I was not going to that church any more. The Bible has been my anchor throughout life. God is good!

[@LurkerintheDeep]

This is honestly the best doctrinal contender to the teachings I've seen. (Not counting historical or what not, but purely doctrinal.) They don't have a JST for it (or at least the rights for it). Gonna look more into it. I know the initial interpretation would probably be that they didn't achieve celestial glory. Thanks for giving me a deep dive to look into.

[@ShaneSchrute]

Wow. That was amazing. Thank you for sharing. I used to be a born again christian. My de-conversion was so drawn out and over such a long period (it was maybe 18 months before I stopped thinking of myself as a christian.) I’m almost jealous that you had such a clear moment of losing your faith. But I’m mostly just happy for you