the feminine urge to be... feminine?

Click here for 10% off your first month - betterhelp.com/amandamaryanna this video is sponsored by BetterHelp.
In today's video, I discuss the rise of feminity coaches and the feminine urge to be... feminine?
~sources~
Marry Rich”: Love Coaches Are Telling Women To Channel Feminine Energy
www.refinery29.com/en-gb/2021...
Caliban and the Witch: An Interview with Silvia Federici
revolutionaryleftradio.libsyn...
MASCULINE HABITS to END! - Ebony Nikita Okeke
• MASCULINE HABITS to EN...
~socials~
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[@ts5683]

If one more person tells me how to be “divinely feminine” I think I'm gonna scream. I identify as a woman I don't have to prove I'm a woman

[@basicradical3581]

Periodt

[@smithmarina970]

Yep, and thats that

[@pelindalivesonmychannel4191]

That's fine for you. Let others live. If we want to watch how to be "divinely feminine" let us!

[@ts5683]

@@pelindalivesonmychannel4191 IDC if other people choose to watch these videos that's your business. I'm just annoyed by the fact that these are mainly black women “teaching femininity” to other black women. A group of women that society very regularly strips of their feminity not to mention it's all just usually trad 50s housewife stuff. People can watch whatever, not my business but let's not pretend that it's not shady that some black women are trying to profit off of other black women instead of just teaching confidence and self-love. There is no divine feminity. Black women already are the closest thing to that if there was 😌💅🏿 teach that instead

[@pelindalivesonmychannel4191]

@@ts5683 so if black women shouldn't be the ones "teaching femininity" to other black women, who should it be? White women?

[@may.z]

I have mixed feelings about this. As someone who grew up without a confident woman to look up to and therefore thought of femininity as being weak and superficial, what i could learn from these videos was that I had a lot of internalized misogyny in me. I judged girly girls and womanly woman but secretly admired how they dressed so well and spoke gentle. But bc i saw it as weakness I totally denied myself to be that way. Femininity content is what finally made me open up to the part of me that that was always there but shut away. And I took from it what suited me and left out what I didn't agree with. Now I feel happy and free in my womanhood.

[@kimarahcal]

This exactly this. I see very little wrong with the femininity movement. I denied myself so many pleasures for so long due do them being “girly.” I feel more myself than ever thanks to those videos. I don’t think people realize how much a lack of feminine energy can effect your life and overall happiness. I hope the content continues, genuinely.

[@dolores4015]

I’ve gone through the same thing and currently opening myself to loving me and appreciating my womanhood all together.

[@vanessatanke2657]

Sis you spoke for me as well🙌

[@th-ck9vl]

I wouldn't consider speaking "gently" feminine. And in today's world, it has been shown to give you less promotions and less raises, so I doubt think I'll be teaching my possible future daughter's to speak gently. Not putting it in their heads that is feminine. It's just a thing PEOPLE do, but has been pushed more on women because gentle is more easily dominated.

[@thecoolintroverttv8381]

@@th-ck9vl you should pray for boys

[@miss_conduct.]

It reminded me about how I read notes from some english colonizer describing the native american's way of life which was mostly communal. He noted how shocking it is that a child is raised and cared for by the whole village, not just the child's parents. And how men and women always switch jobs where a woman goes hunting and a man takes care of his and/or other commune members' babies. And vice versa. So traditional gender roles are made up and are not instinctual despite most pro-capitalists and particularly conservatives stating so. And femininity is just something you automatically possess if you identify as being feminine.

[@flamingo6828]

Yes! That is actually what my tribe is like. There are other tribes too who do actually have gender roles, however they are not treated the same way westerners do. Like some have it where it is separated into men's labor and women's labor, of course there was no capitalism or pay, the roles were equally respected and valued as contributions to the community. In my tribe, Ojibwe, there are many aspects of life and labor that were not gendered, like food collection, hunting, warfare, childcare, and family union. However the differences between the two genders was still respected and recognized in other aspects. Like water is considered to be feminine and is more closely connected to feminine spirituality, and so the women in the tribe would have full rights to the rice fields, they would maintain the fields and gather it, and there were also seasons and holidays connected to this practice as well.

[@Grace-jb7me]

What's the memoir/notes of the english colonizer called or who they were?

[@triton62674]

@@Grace-jb7me I'm also interested in these notes!

[@uwu-fm2kj]

the gender roles you mentioned in native societies are just as much constructed as "traditional" gender roles are. Its all based on the reigning culture, religion, philosophy and societal structure etc. Anyone making the claim that anything is instinctual is silly (although women on average are more nurturing).

[@lorelange]

@@uwu-fm2kj well that's their point, gender roles are constructed, all of them, whenever you are. The native experience was used as an example of another type of gender roles.

[@hannorasmusholtiegel6044]

these are like the: "how to be a sigma/alpha male" or "how to be more attractive to woman" I watched at age 14 just for girls.

[@kaleidojess]

Basically

[@queenonika4015]

i disagree. yes majority of them are like that. but some actually give information that young women NEED to see such as how to navigate in the society with men, marriage, relationships etc.

[@hannorasmusholtiegel6044]

@@queenonika4015 well, same goes for the videos i watched, but good advice was rare in those

[@stargirlabi_111]

@@queenonika4015 um not all women are straight or even want a marriage or relationship. not all women even dress "femininely" or want to navigate that kind of society. some women want to change it.

[@queenonika4015]

@@stargirlabi_111 lol but 99.9% are straight. we as human beings want to be relationships , which eventually leads to marriage in modern society in order to bring kids in the world. it’s a biological instinct. it’s literally intrinsic. and if i’m assuming you’re young asf saying otherwise. “some women want to change it” what do u mean by that. you can’t change the feminine and masculine that have literally defined our entire human existence. this IS how it is.

[@beth.5986]

Wow i never thought about how women’s “traditional” role and job of being a housewife is invisible and free due to capitalism. Now that you say it, that makes a lot of sense

[@miss_conduct.]

Housework under capitalism is another form of slave labor. Because the work you do is necessary due to your circumstance so you HAVE TO do it, it's unpaid and also very hard.

[@TheEmmaHouli]

In the Irish constitution it talks about how the woman's work at home is essential for a working society and thus she should be paid for the work she does at home.... Then they failed to ever live up to that promise.

[@oseikwamejnr]

I share these very sentiments! Unfortunate. Hmm

[@iclickedbecauseiamtiredofs4630]

and that is WHY the dwight woemen LOVE to GLOAT on how THEY are 'domestic queens' because THEY conveniently forget WE were the ones scrubbing & cooking🙄. Even Latinas got to graduate from the 'help' role. Yet when it comes to US we ARE EXPECTED to mule & 'prove' our worth in comparison to woemen who have been able to have the free time resources & SUPPORT to be domestic & gloat about it. It's ALWAYS Been unpaid overlooked labor for US 🙄.

[@bunnywavyxx9524]

​@@iclickedbecauseiamtiredofs4630 Exactly! These "domestic queens" were feminine because she laid at home all day, tended to the kids, cooked a bit - the ease & leisure of her life encapsulated its "femininity," all the while the help were scrubbing, sweeping and washing. These tasks laborious! Not "feminine" enough to be on screen. Why, those 60s movies with housewives never showed them, frankly, doing any housework. Because in reality they did little.

[@meandme3423]

"unpaid labor disguised as women's natural disposition" - so well said

[@ForeignManinaForeignLand]

The toxic masculine urge to insert myself into a discussion on femininity 😬

[@ativaadzem566]

We live together.. it never hurts to learn about women 😊

[@motshidisirasego8858]

Literally love this comment

[@ines3770]

We appreciate the self awareness 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@TaraMooknee]

the masculine urge to effeminately respond to this comment

[@COLORMIND.mp4]

lol retweer

[@FuchsiaPandaBear]

“Why can’t you be yourself “ is what this boils down to. A lot of people take giving guidance to far to the point where they aren’t giving wanted advice but forcing an ideal. Awesome video as usual ☺️

[@dylanc9174]

And I don't like the term "high value man" like you're sifting through humans out of a bargain bin. Gross terminology. Edit: men aren't a commodity!

[@chrisb.5351]

This. Im seeing men fall down the toxic manosphere and women falling into toxic hyper-femininity spaces. Wish we could just be balanced

[@dylanc9174]

@@chrisb.5351 I feel like the internet gives men and women the ability to understand each other, but the distance so we never make connections. Thankfully cities around the world are making it easier to walk around and talk to people instead of driving everywhere. Unrelated tangent, but I feel it was needed.

[@solanin6516]

exactly

[@user-bd1bl8ue9g]

oh my God I've been feeling this for the longest. You summed it up so well in that first sentence!!

[@KhadijaMbowe]

This intro....why are you here to fight? lol I always think about it as masculinity is the hand and femininity is the mouth. But THIS WHAT I BE SAYING ABOUT BALANCE BETWEEN THE TWO (characteristics).IMO It's so important to cultivate both. Great video girl 💕

[@oneigboboy]

Just want to say that it's really been a pleasure coming across channels like yours, FD signifier and now amanda here. I've had so many thoughts in my head for so long and its really been refreshing seeing you people discuss exactly what I've been thinking all along because so much of what I see here on YT has been hate from both sides but finally seeing a balancemannnnnn. But maybe it's because we are from somewhat younger generation than the people with the extreme views. Anyways thank you all for the balance is all I'm trying to say

[@katejane573]

To me, femininity isn’t about what you wear or who you are, it’s about being receptive and taking in the best for yourself. Whilst being masculine is about providing the best, and anyone can chose either or become degrees of both like they are choosing their own paint colours and defining themselves 🎨

[@espeon871]

@@katejane573 fr, femininity and masculinity needs to be a part of all of us, like regardless of sex/ gender, we all need that balance in our lives

[@jmooxdknox4565]

Oh my gosh I doubt you’ll see this Khadijah but I have been a fan of yours for the past few months I love your commentary videos and I am a huge fan. I have learned so much watching your videos. I really appreciate how you explain things from both sides and you try to not give a biased viewpoint.

[@sbclaridge]

@@espeon871 As a nonbinary person, I agree completely.

[@siriuslyconfused1]

Imagine being a college student with so much intellect you write amazing essays in your spare time! Amanda isn’t imagining it, she just is! You go!

[@kp.9072]

The way I just turned in a paper for my psychology of women and gender course at my PWI about this and nobody knew what I was talking about ✨ will now become my senior thesis ✨

[@charmingyoutuber2408]

Love it!

[@ts5683]

I just did the same thing for my wonder and gender studies class 💅🏿 got an A cuz I know I made the TA read a book. 😂

[@gabriellawhite7225]

@@ts5683 ok sis!!! That TA learned something that day😂

[@gabriellawhite7225]

Me when I turned in a paper about the failures of reconstruction for my history paper, and they all looked shook at the sexual violence🙃

[@ED-ie3et]

KEEP STRIVING. ONWARD AND UPWARD

[@joelbedulla4]

"Why can't you be yourself?" YES

[@witchplease9695]

I don’t care about the obsession over femininity and I don’t like how a lot of it seems to be about men. I’m married and attracted my husband simply by being myself. However, I don’t blame any Black women for wanting to distance from the Black community though, as we do not have any protection or support from Black men (and older generation of women) in our community whatsoever. I prefer the side of the “divest” community that is focused on self-improvement and happiness rather than fulfilling gender roles to attract a rich guy.

[@imthatbishhh5152]

@@azereth338 WOMAN ARE UNDER ATTACK IN AFRICA AS WELL!!! Misogyny!!!!!!!!!! Period

[@imthatbishhh5152]

@jolielove PERIOD!!!! These Men Black Or African Are Misogynistic!!!!!!!

[@SkippyLaughlin]

Same.

[@iclickedbecauseiamtiredofs4630]

Yes we need a self heal & identity SEPARATE from what this country has robbed us of by being in a UNSUPPORTED overlooked & easily replaced 'box'. These 'other groups' can attempt to GLOAT so heavily on how domestic or homely or great mothers they are because WE set the foundation that ALLOWED their males to financially reap to uplift THEM. Bek has been the MOST pedestalised & coddled off of UNEARNED power & I'm sick of it. WE need to stop producing UNLESS it's for ourselves because being the bread winners & most educated & business forward in OUR community is making US stand ALONE 🙄😔 SIGH 🤦‍♀️

[@bunnywavyxx9524]

@@spacebar9733 That's just crime.. has nothing to do with them being African/black. The op is talking about how African men in proper relationships with African women value them.

[@linoinkyplantythingy]

This whole thing is weird to me (I'm a butch lesbian). The idea that women have to be married to a man and hyper feminine to be respected, happy and/or successful just doesn't sit right with me.

[@theotter7021]

Same, I have a friend who is really into this whole thing and sometimes talks about it as if it is the truth of life, and I feel so weird about it bc it really feels exclusive of people like me, even though I know she doesn't do it on purpose, it just feels like she's saying: "oh, yeah, that's just how the world is, women just have to marry rich men if they want a good life". She knows I'm not like that and she's ok with it, but still. Oh, but she also doesn't get my gay jokes, so I guess we're even there, idk hahahss

[@lucia-di-lammermoor]

It's weird to anyone who isn't a giant misogynist.

[@toxoplasmagondi]

it's just yet another manifestation of misogyny. i'm honestly super disappointed in how everyone is hyping up feminine women these days as the epithome of feminism, when it's actually counterproductive at best. meanwhile, gnc women get called nlogs and pickmes just for being themselves by the ones who are supposed to support them. it's really sad tbh

[@Ivana9910]

imagine turning your relationship into a job. That would suck completely

[@nadineskye7050]

As a straight woman, I agree. I know many women who are married to "successful men", live in beautiful big houses, and drive expensive cars, but are unhappy underneath it all. I may die poor and single, but I will die unequivocally me.

[@latoyac.a.7600]

The inherent problem with the movement is that it’s based on sexist stereotypes of what makes something ‘feminine’ or ‘masculine’ and pushing women to emulate that. I thought we were over the idea that girls had to dress/act one way and guys another… If you want to wear and act a certain way, then do it. Don’t put down or big up a certain ideal cause it’s feminine/masculine. At the end of the day they don’t actually exist. We don’t want stereotypes anymore. Just be a good person and do self-care.

[@kurokaizen1889]

No one's "pushing" anything. They aren't holding a g0n to your head. Simply just don't watch it if you don't like it.

[@Tifffffffffffffany]

“To be treated better…” that’s the saddest part about it, women look to it to simply fit in and be treated better.

[@0604126003]

I’m glad you mentioned feminine and masculine traits are just socialized concepts because the way people have used the term re enforces gendered roles and I don’t think they realize that. We need to start changing our language

[@ts5683]

100% it's honestly so weird watching people speak about it like it's biological when it's not

[@AlexisBii]

@@ts5683 people talk about masculinity and femininity as if it’s literally part of their body… it’s so scary!! They also say shit like, being thoughtful or thinking deeply (being smart) is masculine. Being compassionate or caring is feminine. Who said that?! 😭 That type of thinking is so insulting to me

[@ts5683]

@@AlexisBii 😂 Ikr it's so worried when ppl do talk about it, like fam is your femininity gland working today😭

[@kant.68]

@@AlexisBii Are you aware they way information travels across our brains is different in men and women generally? Are you aware that every single organ in women are slightly smaller than men? From heart to bones , to lungs to teeths , even the blood is slightly different, men’s wounds heal a little faster for example. Hormones define the way we behave , beyond culture and inner personality. Ask trans men how they started to think and behave after being on T for a while . They feel very angry all the time because of T . Men have 20 times more T than women . Many cultural aspects attached to women have their bases in the way women interact with each other or with others . That’s very obvious to me . Why the hell women always hang out with women and men do it with men ? Im Ukraine my best friend was a Muslim Jordanian men . Im African and non religious, raised in Spain . Before you tell me “is cultural” no , we just had things in common and we understand each other mainly because we’re both men

[@EmmaneTheCreated]

Somewhere last year I tried to look up black femininity/classy videos to level up especially lookwise. I just couldn't do it. All of them literally look the EXACT same. They're saying the same thing too. I literally couldn't tell a channel apart from another. I'd rather be my unique self period.

[@sagittariusbeauty]

What KZbinrs did you look at?

[@EmmaneTheCreated]

@@sagittariusbeauty I watched both youtubers that showed their faces as well as the ones who just used images but I'm going to be honest, I don't remember any specific names as it's been awhile now and none of them stood out to me.

[@JulianSteve]

Continue to be yourself Emmane. It’s good to get advice, especially online, but sometimes you have to find yourself alone. Or with people who genuinely know you and care about you. You got this🙌🏾‼️

[@kaliabanks4769]

Chloe hypergamous hive, on KZbin is very insightful and digs deeper than just changing your appearance for a high value man(if you were interested in watching more “level up” videos)

[@EmmaneTheCreated]

@@kaliabanks4769 I quickly searched and most of her videos seems to be about relationships or include men in them which was never what I was looking for lol but thank you.

[@TaKyraDivine]

I followed the femininity movement for about a year. I thought it wouldn’t be a huge change because I’ve always been considered quite feminine. I’m realizing now it just stripped me of my character because I was too busy trying fit a mold. Not to mention it creates competition between other women because you’ll feel you need to be the most beautiful woman, most attractive etc. It also makes you a pleaser because you’re so focused on the view of others. Even your own pleasure or happiness is to appease others, specifically men. I’m still feminine in the way I dress, and I have many feminine qualities but I’m finally letting the NATURAL masculine side come out.

[@fortheloveofpearl999]

roar on lady! i luv hear this.

[@brandiconstant1672]

I love this. I struggle with the same: feeling like I’m trying to fit in to a mold, but I got so deep into it that I felt like I lost my individuality. I lost the spark that made me who I am..

[@lisapokuboateng7135]

Exactly! Now I don't know what to do LOL

[@ikindoflikemangoes4951]

Same here, I felt like I needed to give up my personality

[@AdrienneJung.M]

Same....I found myself constantly comparing myself to all the other women in the room, trying to change the pitch of my voice to sound "breathier, and higher", suddenly feeling so insecure about how I was being perceived. It really keeps you dependent on outside validation.

[@TaraMooknee]

you had a Cotillion???? And Gossip Girl didn't offer you a cameo??? I'M WRITING A COMPLAINT

[@LoveAndSnapple]

I actually love the femininity movement, but only the ones that are regulated to self-care and inner self improvement. The ones that remind you to drink your water, exercise, take a bubble bath, journal daily, express gratitude, and say your prayers. Very early you realize that these femininity coaches and gurus are pushing you towards the same “type“ of woman. Their goal is to mold women into the Siren archetype. They don’t see other archetypes as feminine such as the Huntress or the Mystic. The huntress is not one to be wearing heels and relaxed hair. Her version of femininity is keeping up her fit body so that means sweating and building muscle. It doesn’t mean she’ll never put a dress on, but that’s not her everyday uniform. The Mystic enjoys wearing clothes with contrasting patterns or irregular fits depending on how she’s feeling that day. Instead of wearing simple tiny jewelry she wears large chunky wooden beads and bangles up to her arms. She may have cowry shells and a beautiful nest of dreadlocks that she handles like a real baby. The Siren archetype is basically every woman from sex in the city and that’s not achievable for every woman. Not every woman goes gaga over new shoes, main stream designer brands, and basically everything that’s portrayed on Instagram. But you even have to be careful about the self care channels because they’ll have you self care yourself into debt with $45 candles, $55 body butters, and $34 moleskin journals. 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️

[@1021Marcy]

Yes to all of this! My Feminine Archetype is the Maiden/Ingenue. Uma Thurman from Pulp Fiction would be a great example or Princess Diana, Josephine Baker (I took a quiz & did course work with the late Ayesha F. Kaines from the Grapevine 2 years ago before she passed). The self care & financial advice they give is chefs kiss HOWEVER they do push a 1 size fits all look. Maidens have childlike energy, are very bold, & temperamental. We too enjoy physical activity, but I don't go to the gym, catch me at my dance class or riding horses. We are also creative & command a lot of attention. Prince Charles was "high value" but he was the WRONG man for Princess Diana. He felt like she stole the spotlight from him. He was better suited to Camilla is the Mother archetype. He shouldn't have cheated on his wife anyways but they were not compatible. I just could never get with the aesthetic advice bc I'm an expressive person who dresses my mood. There are 7 feminine archetypes & 13 sub archetypes.

[@LoveAndSnapple]

@@1021Marcy The maiden is my archetype too! Audrey Hepburn fits that example as well. And yes, AYesha is the person I found out about the archetypes From! She DIED?! I can’t believe it, I had no idea! It was because of her teachings that I learned all about the maiden and how to properly manifest that spirit in myself. I no longer felt bad about being a separate type of woman when I could just lean into myself. One of the downfalls of the meeting is that they tend to be attracted to very dangerous men and learning from Diana’s story she didn’t intentionally go after him but she was placed in his destructive path and that led to her saddening demise.

[@lisa9701]

Precisely I can see where the movement can sometimes lead women astray but some coaches such as Ayesha Faines (May her soul Rest In Peace) always had a well balanced view and understood that there were different archetypes.

[@dimplesd8931]

Where I find fault with the “self care” movement is it’s so prescribed. Maybe self care isn’t journaling, and drinking water. Maybe it’s completing a 2000 piece puzzle, taking karate classes, playing video games, playing with your kids for hours, making a complex meal because you love to or are learning to cook, or as you age maybe self care is being present when you visit your elderly parents or relatives. The KZbin/Tik Tok version of self care is so uniform. If you value yourself you will take care of yourself and no one needs to tell you how to do it. But I’m 55 with grown kids and a hubby and we only had Oprah to tell us what to do 😂

[@macya8518]

While the femininity movement does have some more toxic characteristics like the ones described in the video, I'm overall glad that black women are participating in lifestyles that were previously denied to them. What I find annoying about the response to the femininity movement is the lack of smoke for whyte women. They've enjoyed the fruits of femininity and capitalism for centuries with little to no pushback. Black women get a small taste of it now and there's a massive amount of backlash. We are always criticized more than everyone else.

[@dazzeldil143]

did u not watch the full video?

[@iclickedbecauseiamtiredofs4630]

EXACTLY 💯 🙄. and that is WHY the dwight woeemen LOVE to GLOAT on how they are 'domestic queens' because THEY conveniently forget WE were the ones scrubbing & cooking🙄. Even Latinas got to graduate from the 'help' role. Yet when it comes to US we ARE EXPECTED to mule & 'prove' our worth in comparison to woemen who have been able to have the free time resources & SUPPORT to be domestic & gloat about it. It's ALWAYS Been unpaid overlooked labor For US 🙄.

[@iclickedbecauseiamtiredofs4630]

@@dazzeldil143 ONE video will not erase the reality that COMFORT means dwight woemen who have done the LEAST to get the MOST🙄. Their unearned pedestalised status due to OUR labor which financially established THEIR households will NOT be dismantled in one video & OP response is rightfully so. I have had people EXPECT me to mule so YES it IS a problem so why are you upset🤦‍♀️?

[@IshtarNike]

The white feminists have been addressing it from what I've seen. Look at the criticism people like Girl Defined or Abby Shapiro get. It's about white women but it's just not specifically racialised.

[@iclickedbecauseiamtiredofs4630]

@@IshtarNike SO WHAT exactly are they "addressing' when OP says dwight woemen have gained the most? If they are not addressing THEIR unearned EXPECTED privilege than why should we care🙄?

[@faithzani6442]

Being a house wife is hard, I'd rather go to work and get me some money, being a house wife also leaves you vulnerable to financial abuse and all soughts of abuse from your spouse since you can't leave.

[@micaelav8470]

This is exactly my argument against the house wife role. You are left essentially dependent. Have fun trying to enter society and get a job after divorcing a masculine husband with ‘20 years housewife’ on your resume.

[@kungfukenny1793]

Yep the day he realizes he doesn’t like u anymore he’ll leave u alone with the kids with 0 assets to ur name

[@Peacebewithu34]

If u married a right guy, then you will be fine. You still have work tho, cause kids can grow up and God forbid ur man is sick or something. At least part time

[@adriana12995]

This is such an exaggeration that i always hear from feminists who just want to shame and belittle housewives. Your husband can leave you whether you are a housewife or not. Furthermore, majority of divorces are initiated by women because of financial reasons so if someone "has" to be afraid, the statistics say that it's men who are more likely to lose.

[@adriana12995]

@@Peacebewithu34 yeah these feminists act like all men are abusive or like being a housewife makes you more prone to abuse when there is no basis for that. They just like to find ways to shame housewives by making it look like it’s the worst thing ever. Not very feminist tbh. I thought feminism was about letting women make their own choices, I guess not. It’s about shaming women who don’t want the “boss” girl life while pretending that they are just looking out for women. They get the best of both worlds: they get to shame women who choose traditional roles while also pretending that they actually support women. This is why feminism has turned me off so much.

[@emilyonizuka4698]

and as for the race thing, I'm east asian and seen as inherently feminine because of that. like I will do the most unladylike things, and no one will ever describe me as masculine. even when I'm trying to be. whereas black women will be wearing a full on ballgown or something and people like be like hmm feminine enough?

[@idontknowmyname.9202]

I also agree that race is a big part. I'm asian too. Most of white and black foreigners in my country I've talked too, usually say I look feminine, lovely and bubbly while I was wearing old tee and ripped jeans with figure four sitting style lol. But most asian men will think that I'm a tomboy or a lesbian. All of them are wrong 😭😂

[@cartierlo8159]

Ehh idk I'm in the us & I've seen many masculine asians. It really depends on how you look/present. If you have clear soft skin, are fit and wearing pastel then you'll be perceived more feminine regardless of your race. There are def stereotypes but I think the presentation greatly trumps that.

[@emilyonizuka4698]

@@cartierlo8159 I'm afab non-binary and live in Canada and will be wearing the most tomboyish clothes with short hair and people still call me girly. and even gender-conforming cis men deal with being seen as feminine, not matter how jacked or otherwise traditionally masculine they are.

[@cartierlo8159]

@@emilyonizuka4698 Yeah some people just have more feminine or neotonous features. Like with short hair and tomboyish clothes you can look gamine which is still feminine. Reminds me of Jen Ruggirello. So again it's more about how you look.

[@emilyonizuka4698]

@@cartierlo8159 you're really set on ignoring racial stereotypes

[@amy9215]

It's such a shame that the femininity movement isn't empowering women to express their femininity in a way that makes them comfortable but rather forcing them to conform to a role in which they are not comfortable. The people that I listen to when it comes to femininity are much more understanding and not as forceful with how they talk about and teach femininity, and it's such a shame there aren't more of them.

[@Isism899]

I do follow and engage in femineity content. Personally, I find some of the advice helpful considering many femineity topics they mention I didn't grow up seeing. I think people should take what resonates with them and leave what doesn't.

[@stepahead5944]

Exactly

[@zeewann]

Yup. I'm not for the tips on changing one's attitude or personality. F that. But, the fashion, style and fitness tips? Bring it on!

[@pelindalivesonmychannel4191]

Exactly. What these ladies on here are doing is giving very much narcissistic. They should leave the femininity content for the black women who want it instead of inserting themselves to talk about something that's useless to them. Why police what other black women are doing!

[@Trollestiatumblur]

Exactly! I’m tired of other black women trying to bring us down. We don’t have anybody but our individual selves. I hardly see anything on “how to keep a man” unless it’s a specific video topic. What is wrong with knowing the signs of an abusive man??? Some of us want a husband and that’s okay! I don’t want anybody but I’m not gonna shit on women who do want marriage and kids and to have a stable household with a certain caliber of man… that’s just silly. Most advice has nothing to do with a man. And even videos that does have “how to attract a man” the first thing they say is take care of YOURSELF and have HOBBIES and INTERESTS and take CLASSES or do ANYTHING ON YOUR OWN THAT YOU ENJOY!! People who aren’t into being feminine need to just stop

[@midnightmave]

@@Trollestiatumblur I think your last sentence is a good example of why people like Amanda are making content on the femininity movement. It's not a zero-sum game. I think femininity and masculinity can exist on a scale and can be expressed in a variety of ways, so just because someone isn't taking in this content or they're speaking critically about this content, it doesn't mean they "aren't into being feminine."

[@theetherealshaye]

See, the thing is, we have unfairly equated femininity, which should be in the persona, and should have overarching traits which portray themselves differently in every person, to a linear thing. We have turned it into a “look”, a “personality”, and girls like myself (neurodivergent, different aesthetics other than the “luxury” look, LGBT+, and who portray their femininity slightly differently) get left out of the conversation. Femininity is so important and necessary. But by placing a barrier on what femininity should look like in a person gives no scope for the individual to explore and progress. I’m a fairy loving, forest going, passionate, soft, childlike, creative, compassionate, natural haired, autistic girl who dresses like a grunge pixie most times, and none of my traits make me any less feminine than someone who fits the social media standards of femininity. Femininity isn’t one size fits all.

[@alinashirinian2485]

I wish I could like this comment more than once.

[@gabiimar5655]

This is beautiful

[@zuzu9190]

You sound cool as fuck

[@taydrabrookshire347]

I’m glad to find someone else who’s neurodivergent here.

[@kant.68]

Femininity is very broad luckily for you . Masculinity isn’t as broad . If people leaves you out (or whatever that means I really don’t get what you mean by that , you’re a woman no matter how you dress , how you act is actually more important) If pple leave you out is because we humans love easiness. Is just easier for our brains to simplify stuff . Concepts have meaning for yuxstaposition. When they become too Brad they loose their meanings and thus is impossible to talk about them anymore

[@ChizobaItabor]

Although I do understand why there are Black women who gravitate towards Black Feminity videos at the same time I feel it is better to remind us, Black women, that we are already feminine enough. Yes the patriarchy is real and there are times unfortunately where you need to play the game but leaning into a feminity that reinforces toxic gender roles, misogyny and other forms of bigotry as well as respectability politics doesn't even benefit us women in the long run I don't know but for me PERSONALLY, I am feminine enough and I don't need to speak, act or look a certain way for me to be feminine

[@iclickedbecauseiamtiredofs4630]

Exactly 💯. It is ESPECIALLY dangerous for US because WE have ALWAYS labored for scraps. dwight woemen LOVE to GLOAT on how THEY are 'domestic queens' because THEY conveniently forget WE were the ones scrubbing & cooking. Even Latinas got to graduate from the 'help' role. Yet when it comes to US we ARE EXPECTED to mule & 'prove' our worth in comparison to woemen who have been able to have the free time resources & SUPPORT to be domestic & gloat about it. It's ALWAYS Been unpaid overlooked labor For US 🙄.

[@evalinacesarcassule5097]

For black women it's not about the patriarchy only but abou the racism too. While black women were doing the same jobs as black men in plantation and being portraited as savage, lascivious and NOT FEMININE, white women were portraited as the opposite, the educated, the feminine etc. So, for us, the issue is bigger and fallow us even to this days. We have the need to "be more feminine" because is the opposite of the "angry black woman" or because we want to be seen as a "good woman"... Bell hooks describe very well this on her book " ain't I a woman" .(may her soul rest in peace).

[@terrishabuckley7753]

💯💯💯💯💯

[@pelindalivesonmychannel4191]

Good for you. Let these other women live. If they want to learn how to polish themselves up a bit more through femininity videos, let them! The creator of this video and you ladies here can simply just avoid these femininity videos instead of inserting yourselves in a space that's useless to you. This is quite narcissistic!

[@ChizobaItabor]

@@pelindalivesonmychannel4191 It's not narcissistic to give criticism! In fact it's immature if you simply can't take it. And the same way you're telling us to not watch these videos, why are you here in this space commenting? You should take your own advice because right now you look like a hypocrite

[@imani0nline]

The whole femininity coach side of KZbin has been somewhat of a guiltily pleasure for me as of late. I rarely find issue with the information they present but more with with the structures that demand women more specifically black women, to behave in these “feminine” ways.

[@nehemie1255]

It's like we weren't feminine just being ourselves. We have to model "traditional" i.e white definitions to reach it. Feeding our biggest stereotype as black women and inherited low self esteem. I see the goal- the intentions are good but why does it always look the same??!!

[@dejadash]

This response is so honest. I totally agree!!

[@iclickedbecauseiamtiredofs4630]

@@nehemie1255 Exactly 💯 it's ESPECIALLY constricting for US. Dwight woemen LOVE to GLOAT on how THEY are 'domestic queens' because THEY conveniently forget WE were the ones scrubbing & cooking🙄. Even Latinas got to graduate from the 'help' role. Yet when it comes to US we ARE EXPECTED to mule & 'prove' our worth in comparison to woemen who have been able to have the free time resources & SUPPORT to be domestic & gloat about it. It's ALWAYS Been unpaid overlooked labor For US 🙄.

[@bunnywavyxx9524]

@@nehemie1255 "why does it always look the same??!!" God, I always wonder to myself the same.. a woman is more physically attractive, feminine, and personable the more she represents whiteness.

[@pelindalivesonmychannel4191]

@@nehemie1255 African women model traditional femininity. Has nothing to do with been yt. Leave the content for those who want it and find content that you like. Simple.

[@monicacreator3168]

I'm surprised you didn'T talk about the aspect of black women being fed up with black men attitude and the black femicide. Femininity is often linked to BWE and divestment movement

[@courtneyjackson509]

This is a key element i feel.

[@brianao.316]

Agreed I used to watch but after awhile it just felt constricting. Femininity within these tight constraints, stepping outside these rules even if it wasn't truly you meant ridicule or deserved shame. But what really pushed me away was constantly tearing down every black man as if they're a monolith. As well as criticizing every black woman who did anything outside of their approval and using whatever tradgedy as a moment to shame rather than teach. I got tired of the tear downs all the time. I don't know exactly what it means to feminine but I don't think we're feminine 100% of the time. And I don't think it includes the tear down of black women and men who live their lives differently from mine.

[@SkippyLaughlin]

Many people don't know this. Th3 people I follow who talk about femininity qlso talk. About the bs in the black community and warn black women against them

[@iclickedbecauseiamtiredofs4630]

And that is WHY the dwight woeemen LOVE to GLOAT on how they are 'domestic queens' because THEY conveniently forget WE were the ones scrubbing & cooking🙄. Even Latinas got to graduate from the 'help' role. Yet when it comes to US we ARE EXPECTED to mule & 'prove' our worth in comparison to woemen who have been able to have the free time resources & SUPPORT to be domestic & gloat about it. It's ALWAYS Been unpaid overlooked labor For US 🙄.

[@Idk-nc7kj]

Right! Like she completely missed the point of the movement.

[@mimiwey9014]

Regarding the house hold chores thing, it is a HUGE problem that in many heterosexual households, both the man and woman work, however, the woman does most if all the housework. It’s disturbing because this is seen as normal, and a man not knowing how to wash his own plate or do laundry is seen a joke “Omg my husband doesn’t even know how to wash the frying pan! He’s so silly😂😂”

[@kurokaizen1889]

Women typically work way less in the situations like a 16 hours work for the woman whilst the man works FULL TIME. Women also literally work less hours on average than men so obviously the one that's more free will be doing more work at home....because they are home the most. Not everything is the fault of men. Do better.

[@kurokaizen1889]

Also, most men know how to cook and clean so if yours doesn't then who's fault is it that you or that particular woman chose him? You have the freedom to not choose him. Simple solutions right ? I know.

[@loveisanopendoor3532]

I genuinely think it comes from how when feminism didn't push for traditionally feminine jobs/roles to be elevated, respected and valued but instead made it seem like we should ALL aspire and desire the traditional masculine roles/jobs. Not only does this further reinforce the gender binary as a hierarchical structure but also just stuck us all in the machine of capitalism and working until you die. Women's roles are still not appreciated but expected of women to e.g. be a housewife and a working mother while men have never had a revolution to take on their roles so the burden of both leaves women STILL being undervalued and demeaned.

[@aviianna]

I remember the first time my friend showed me a Black feminine coaching video and my immediate reaction was that maybe I'm not getting it...

[@mrs.ana93]

I think the main reason I am so attracted to these femininity videos lately is because growing up I was often shamed for showing any feminine traits. I grew up with 3 brothers, and if I ever displayed anything "girly" I would get called names. There seemed to be a lot of pressure for me to be a "tomboy", and as I got older I felt even more inclined to portray myself as "one of the guys". Up until I was around 18 or so you would not catch me dead in a dress or a skirt or ANYTHING pink. Being feminine was seen as bad, or at least in my friend group it was. It was always a fight to keep up with the guys and prove that I could be on the same level as them. Now I'm in my late 20's and I realize that I was never taught that it was perfectly okay to embrace my femininity. I don't have to force myself to be "one of the guys". I have almost no idea what it even means to be a feminine woman except for some of these videos I find on KZbin. It's even harder now that I am a stay at home mother & married. Which is something I absolutely would not trade for a 9-5 job. I feel so blessed to be able to raise my child, and I know it's also a privilege to be able to do this in a world where most people need 2 incomes to survive. With that being said though it is very common for me to feel ashamed or even be ridiculed and put down by other women who say I'm wasting my "potential" by not pursuing a life as a "boss babe". I could go on, but ultimately I'm actually really grateful for the women that create femininity content. I don't fully agree with everything they say, but they are helping me to embrace my feminine energy for the first time in my life.

[@pepperminttree]

I dont mind the feminity thing when they’re not shaming anyone. Ive watched a few videos and a lot of the time it’s like “you dont attract men because you’re hair isnt straight and you dont wear enough pink clothes!” I think it should be about building confidence no matter who you are

[@LoveAndSnapple]

I noticed that as well. Why do you all of these women have straightened hair and have the same aesthetic background for the videos? Fresh cut flowers on a table, a lit candle in the distance, sitting in a plush high backed ivory chair, and wearing pink clothes as if they were Barbie in her dream house. None of these people like green? None of these people like red? Yellow???

[@violetselene244]

@@LoveAndSnapple Right, and none of them like their natural hair apparently.

[@aeoligarlic4024]

My pet peeve is when we get called 'low maintenance' or a 'pick-me' just bc we're laidback. Not to mention the GUILT-TRIPPING towards carreer women! "If you pay your own bills then your man is not gonna care for you anymore" Then don't put the blame on the women!

[@taydrabrookshire347]

@@LoveAndSnapple “JOIN OUR CULT”

[@LoveAndSnapple]

@@aeoligarlic4024 They really make it seem like if you have to lift a finger to do ANYTHING then you’ve lost at being a woman. If you pay rent, if you have to/want to work, if you pay for your own self care treatment like hair and nails, if you buy luxury items with your own money, if you can’t afford to stay home with your children during their formative years, if you tell you husband “I’ve got it” when you really don’t need him to be a big manly man for EVERYTHING then you’re a loser deserving to be laughed at. 🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️🤦🏾‍♀️ Like, maybe I like working with my hands and I want to figure out how to put this bookcase together. Maybe I could use some fresh air and don’t mind taking the trash to the curb. Geez, they make it seem like you do ONE masculine thing and he’s going to tell you that you don’t let a man be a man and he’s going to leave you for a 20-year old. 😫

[@abcdefghijklmnop751]

“Why can’t you just be yourself?” Felt. 💕

[@apocalypseready6256]

Yes, this is what I’ve been saying for so long!! The whole modern notion of a “girl boss/feminist woman” unfairly places the responsibility of _both_ domestic labor and financial labor onto women while allowing their male counterparts to remain at relatively the same level of output. Now, not only does a woman have to perform optimal domestic duties as part of her social contract to society, but also double as workers wherein the expectations of a “feminist woman who can do it all” is that much more oppressive. It only shift the disparity/binary between the “working woman” and “domestic woman” rather than acknowledging the amount of hard work which goes into both roles. This further perpetuates the internalized misogyny and competition conditioned within all woman, where the social hierarchy of value is maintained under new avenues of “function” women have become allowed to engage in.

[@c.g.44]

Exactly why I have chosen to be hypergamist and letting the man pay the bills !

[@Tiffanyrouse]

Well said🙌👏🏼

[@veronicahaney6005]

In Africa, women do all these duties without complaints. So did the woman in Proverbs 31.

[@bt2598]

It’s do weird that people claim that expressions of one’s self are inherently masculine or inherently feminine. So weird!

[@RafaelaReginatto]

The feminine urge to… APPLAUD AMANDA

[@FDSignifire]

This was a great and nuanced take on this complex topic.

[@indicaap0ppin662]

I think a lot of women are attracted to this because it gives them a preset personality to have because they don’t have one of their own or their ashamed of the one they naturally have. So have a preset personality gives them confidence because it’s an acceptable personality.

[@preeti-wc2zw]

such a good point

[@shadowgoon911]

I think they're just serpents that shed their snake skin everytime there's some new trend amongst women. They was hoein' at first now they're doing damage control. Stay woke!

[@Bri-ns5rm]

I think it’s that and they think it makes them more desirable to non-Black men. Black men have dropped the ball in a lot of ways and instead of Black women being open to others for love and just learning how to enjoy life, they’re focusing on how to bag a white man (usually). Interracial dating is cool but it’s anti-Black af to elevate all these other men when the women in their communities are also complaining about them. Men of all races publicly shame women in their community. 🗣it’s called misogynyyyyy. “Nobody else does this to their women” girl incels exist, Indian women are saying the same things we are, etc.

[@zma6779]

100%. I wanna see THIS video essay

[@ED-ie3et]

This

[@LordDomielOfElysium]

I personally really want to be a housewife on the country side but I’d never force that onto someone. It’s just a fantasy of my own-

[@arcane1282]

have fun putting yourself at the risk of financial abuse and never being able to escape

[@Someone-ur3rj]

Dude if they want to be that don't be rude

[@nataliyasattarova9423]

"the most feminine woman and the most masculine man have no overlapping characteristics". wow, that hit me hard

[@3vivk]

My issue with these topics is that it seems innocent enough but easily and directly to fringe topics like white supremacy and sexist norms. I've been almost led down that path a few times by "femininity coaches" and such.

[@amrutayyala]

totally unrelated but i think your username was so clever and I chortled once i read it a second time and saw the comma usage/placement

[@3vivk]

@@amrutayyala haha thanks!

[@iclickedbecauseiamtiredofs4630]

Well it's understandable dwight woemenhood & domestication has been made THE standard 🙄. Considering AA woemen role in laying the FINANCIAL foundation for these males to provide all these fancy gadgets maids nannys etc to provide THEM the freedom of movement & pedestalisation that WE have not traditionally been privy too. We have ALWAYS had to be DOERS alongside our males & when we want to resr it is denied. Even the wellness sector is dwight dominated so yes you are correct to be wary because we ALL know who is the standard WHY & how it got to be that way. Rampant Neglect & unaccountability of those in positions of society to deny our entry even amongst our own has created the pickle we are in 🤷‍♀️. Even Latinas have graduated from the 'help' have we?

[@kaleidojess]

Yeah it might actually have racist undertones.. 🤔 I didn’t even think of that.

[@3vivk]

@@kaleidojess yeah :/ I got drawn in with "feminine aesthetics & fashion" and then hear "dating within your own race" out of nowhere

[@jaybriii]

Thank you for this video! I made one on this topic last year and deleted it shortly after because I wasn’t ready for the smoke (people are so strongly attached to this movement that they can be vicious). But you’ve said everything I wanted to in more in such an intelligent way. Your last point is my biggest issue with this movement. The whole phrase, “rest in your feminine” to refer to being a housewife/SAHM never sat right with me, because caretaking, child rearing, cooking and cleaning IS work, not rest. It devalues the hard work that it is to call it rest. It just seems like it’s a convenient way to justify men not pulling their weight with domestic labor around the house. If domestic work is rest for women AND inherent to a woman’s nature, then technically men have no reason to share the burden. I don’t think it’s fair that just because I was born a woman, this essential work is automatically my responsibility. I also don’t like how this movement basically encourages women to define our worth on the men we are attached to.

[@jaybriii]

Also can we talk about how weird and disempowering it is to discourage women from having “doer energy” because it’s “masculine”??? So, basically it’s “feminine” to sit and wait and settle for what the world chooses to give us. I don’t understand how that is in any way empowering.

[@TJ-id3wg]

@@jaybriii omg RIGHTTT??? Legitimately rubbed me the wrong way

[@ChrisBrooks34]

The femininity movement for black women is in some form analogous to the tradwife movement amongst white women. It's not an exact one to one match but I think there's some overlap. It kind of presents the at times the overarching idea that gendered behavior and stereotypes can lead to liberation. Now I don't all of these femininity coaches have that explicit goal in mind but they can lend credence to that idea. But I don't think traditional gender roles will lead to mass happiness and the benefit of all, though I know some coaches claim that this is all on an individual basis.

[@TJ-id3wg]

You’re absolutely right

[@babymilksnatcher]

that being said, both have a vision of gender norms that exclude queer people from their definition of feminity, nor mention what trans women/femmes can do, even though trans women have to perform feminity at an higher level in order to socially pass.

[@diamondicn2679]

@@babymilksnatcher are you guys not your own thing? Don't you guys have your own community and issues? And plus this seemed to be heard towards traditional sex roles

[@yveje9720]

@@babymilksnatcher it doesn’t exclude anyone. Lol this stuff is on the internet anyone can watch. No one’s barring this content from queer people. If a trans woman wants to get femininity tips and apply it to her she can, the content is directed towards a specific demographic usually that of the actual content creator but anyone can engage and indulge.

[@Sofiaode18]

@@babymilksnatcher I think it's on a neutral territory when it comes to trans women? Like it's obviously heteronormative but doesn't explicitly discourage trans women from watching that kind of content.

[@Nana-ng2gx]

This was so well put together. Something I've never thought about was the connection between Capitalism and domestication of women. Would have loved to explore that intersection with class more because that's more obvious to see the differences in "what feminine looks like". A lot of it is being being modeled after the rich woman not the poor woman with limited access to resources a time to practice being feminine. Love love loved this video!!

[@miss_conduct.]

Yeah. Housework is slave labor basically. Because it's unpaid and also very hard work.

[@heyyyitshewan4816]

PREACH

[@iclickedbecauseiamtiredofs4630]

@@miss_conduct. and that is WHY the dwight woeemen LOVE to GLOAT on how THEY are 'domestic queens' 🙄, because THEY conveniently forget WE were the ones scrubbing & cooking. Even Latinas got to graduate from the 'help' role. Yet when it comes to US we ARE EXPECTED to mule & 'prove' our worth in comparison to woemen who have been able to have the free time resources & SUPPORT to be domestic & gloat about it. It's ALWAYS Been unpaid overlooked labor for US 🙄.

[@abcdeninisse]

Philosophy Tube did a video a few years ago that also references Caliban and the Witch called "Witchcraft, Gender and Marxism" and it touches on those topics as well. It's definitely a more dramatic style of video essay, though.

[@TJ-id3wg]

PREACH IT

[@lila-yw2gn]

Its not about being feminine or masculine, its about being yourself. We cant even define what femininity and masculinity truly mean yet.

[@lemonscenic6207]

I think the thing is, we are already in our feminine energy by being ourselves!! that’s what I believe it is. When I was watching femininity videos, they all said you had to dress, look, smell, and act a certain way. You couldn’t wear long nails or ripped pants because it meant you were less feminine. But honestly it’s what you make it! You don’t have to act a certain way to attract people to you and I think that’s why people do that… because they want to attract but not fully know themselves.

[@PokhrajRoy.]

My favourite sub genre on KZbin is watching video essays with academic undertones. Thank you, Amanda, for being one of those channels. 👏🏽

[@quilviohernandez8310]

omg same can we be best friends and send each other video essays 🥺

[@micaelav8470]

Can you recommend channels similar to hers? Thank you : )

[@dearsookie]

@@micaelav8470 khadija mbowe, f.d. signifier, fab socialism, tee noir, kat blaque, and for harriet are absolutely amazing places to start!

[@larissaparra4902]

alice capelle is another great creator!

[@aliciarose2237]

I also want to add that appearance wise, what is considered to look "feminine" is based in white beauty standards. Long hair, wearing solid colors versus prints/patterns, minimal jewelry, and more "natural" looking makeup (eyelashes, nails, etc). This is not an issue if this is how you like to dress, but there is not one way to dress more feminine.

[@nikhefe16]

I would have to disagree with some of the things you've mentioned. Long hair has in many parts of Africa were central to beauty. In order to wear these largely ornate head pieces long hair was necessary at times. Natural looking makeup or no makeup makeup can be seen on the African continent as well. I think we should be mindful of origins as not everything we see today begins with Europeans but has been accepted by and promoted as such. Similarly, the idea of monogamy is not centrally European as you can see one husband and one wife couplings throughout the African continent like a Nigeria (before colonization) for instance. However, professionalism based solely on what makes Europeans comfortable is a problem. So I definitely agree with the overtone of your message.

[@kilimanjaro5537]

@@nikhefe16 thank you, people literally call everything white. I’m trying to figure out how long hair is getting equated to white beauty standards as though black people naturally have short hair 🥴. Boy, they have really done a number on us Black Americans.

[@lesegod8051]

Daaaamn!

[@ayanna6327]

@@nikhefe16 I believe they were referring to long straight hair, which is associated with non-black women.

[@nikhefe16]

@@kilimanjaro5537 Literally! It's really out of control and quite frankly, anti-black. This is why it's so important to stop hyper focusing on what white people push as good or bad, and start spending some time learning about the origins or the roots of African beauty across different ethnic groups. It's easier to make a distinction between what was originally African versus European when the focus is not on the dominant group.

[@lifeman2k22]

For me that urge came from when i was little and i saw and experienced colorism for the first time. I saw how the boys in my class acted around this light skinned girl and how dainty she would act (almost like a damsel in distress). The way they treated her contrasted how they treated the darker skinned little girls in our class which included me. They'd be gentle with her but for the other girls they'd treat them more roughly. So I'd say that's where my "initial need" to be feminine came from. But since I've grown up I've liberated myself from that and came to love and accept myself.

[@breannajoseph2018]

i’m happy for you sis 🥹💕

[@PokhrajRoy.]

In India, we have a word called ‘Sanskaari’ which is a set of socially acceptable, caste-adherence based behaviours. I’m happy that the word ‘Trad’ exists as an equivalent of sorts. (No offence to the traditional people out there)

[@randomnyss2011]

Only difference it trad doesn't lead to honor killings, ostracization and estranged parents for choosing outside community and ofcourse much more...

[@PokhrajRoy.]

@@randomnyss2011 Yes and no. I feel like the core values just manifest in different ways.

[@kasieokoye9568]

Also these "feminine women" who give advice are usually single and struggle with relationships. Especially on tiktok, some of them look very forced to be a certain way.

[@adriana12995]

That's an issue that i have with most of these femininity coaches. I have nothing against women being feminine, in fact, i am a very feminine woman myself and I know very well how it feels to have other people belittle you for being a feminine woman. However, I think femininity coaches are basically like the blind leading the blind. Most of them as you say, are single and have a history of bad relationships. I think femininity goes beyond looking cute or talking in a soft manner. Femininity coaches should be teaching women more about how to approach relationships in a more productive manner, how to give and receive in a relationship, how to become a good woman as well as how to choose a good man, etc.

[@tylachad6102]

I appreciate the black femininity movement. I feel like back women deserve to be in those spaces. People are only so critical of this lifestyle when it comes to black women. Those women are just regurgitating what they learned from watching other groups of women, yet we never get these kinds of videos aimed at those same women. In this society we’re so hypercritical of every little thing that back women do, even when they didn’t start the movement they just assimilated themselves into it. I can say, however, that too often than not, the ideals they teach center whiteness and Eurocentric culture to the extreme. I just don’t understand why they can’t push their own version of femininity specifically for black women. By large, their version of femininity is a very white one, with white ideals that tend to align with white culture. It frustrates me when I see the blue print trying their hardest to assimilate into a culture that kept them out for the longest. Like they all have straight hair or weave, use a quiet, docile voice, and look like they’re cosplaying as 1950s white housewives. On one hand I get that maybe they enjoy that lifestyle, so they have every right to live their best lives. However, I can’t get behind it because it’s not for me 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@fedoratheexplorer2038]

I love this comment! I will admit that I fell into the black hole that was Black Women Femininity a few months ago because it seemed very appealing however, it only took me two months to realize I could not ignore a major flaw that I was seeing. It hurt me to see that Black women were being advised to sacrifice their individuality to fit into such a narrow trope and make unnecessary sacrifices just to be considered "traditionally feminine". I am all for black women doing what they love but I fear that this movement is forcing black women from truly expressing themselves and suppressing who they are to fill an outdated trope that was once unattainable for us. I believe the flaw lies in the fact that it teaches us to try and fit Eurocentric standards that were never pleasant to us in order to be seen as valuable enough. I just cannot wait for the day when Black women can move past being seen as one thing and when we will be accepted no matter how we choose to present ourselves. I truly just believe that there is a lot of nuance when it comes to this topic and I think that we can acknowledge that it has its good and bad sides.

[@kilimanjaro5537]

What femininity channels are you talking about? Because most of the ones I see encourage black women to wear their natural hair and promote dark skin black women yet somehow that’s promoting white ideals? How does a docile voice promote Eurocentric standards? Anyone can have a docile voice, I’ve never saw a soft voice as a characteristic of white women. You may consider certain traits white simply because you’ve been kept from having them. I hate this idea that traditionally feminine things are white and the masculine roles black women have been FORCED into are black. I agree that no one dictates your femininity and that there’s no one way to be feminine. But telling black women who have naturally soft voices and are traditionally feminine that they’re trying to be white is counterproductive and destroys your whole argument.

[@1021Marcy]

Agree! But I REALLY enjoy the femininity content from the late Ayesha F. Kaines from the KZbin Series "The Grapevine". She believed in feminine archetypes & there is no one size fits all to femininity. I did her 5 Feminine Laws of Power & my archetype class (I got an "Ingenue", so personality like Marylin Monroe, Rihanna, & Josephine Baker). Very childish energy. Her courses helped me understand myself so much & talked about why feminine energy is powerful vs how to use it. I think where I'm at in all of this is finding out my core values & then searching for black women who talk about them (fitness, personal finance, recipes, fashion) & watch their videos. I legit had to stop watching black femininity videos bc YT would recommend me videos from the manosphere. Also there is drama between some of the creators. There are some problematic channels that promote fatphobia, desirability politics, classism & transphobia, but their vids don't have many views or subscribers. The channels with lots of views/subscribers appeal to everyday BW who aren't necessarily trying to find a rich man, but to navigate the world as a BW as comfortably as possible & find their own happiness in a world that tells them they don't deserve! Its about finding community. I remember when there were like 3-5 REALLY good femininity channels from older black women actually living that lifestyle. Now everyone & they mama have a femininity channel. So I'm good on the YT content. I think where I'm at now is I've accepted that part of myself but I have multiple identities outside of being a woman & I want to explore those. I do believe women will be better off watching femininity videos vs the toxic male dating coach content out there.

[@brendanleepa6346]

I agree that black women deserve to occupy those spaces and to be perceived as feminine. I also don't think the goal of the criticism is to advocate them out of those space but rather to call into question why they have bend and shapeshift to enjoy the benefits of something they innately are...

[@kant.68]

That’s the ideal / archetype they know . If you must represent an important person or philosopher, you’ll dress him as a XIX century person or with a suit . All those things are also “white things” from Europe. There’s nothing bad with that . We’re black but we live in a western society, that’s what we know . You wanna learn the feminine ways of the himba women ? Do it , but that’s not what men around will know/find desirable probably

[@klo3885]

personally, i cannot do the whole “femininity” thing…no matter how hard i try. i’ll always revert back to sneakers and sweatpants😭

[@LoveAndSnapple]

Same! I would much rather be comfortable then subscribe to the idea that “beauty is pain“.

[@imontosomething2609]

That’s why I don’t fully associate femininity with what clothes we wear or how we behave. It should be instinctive.

[@imontosomething2609]

@@TheBebeeeJ Oh yea h of course it can still be feminine and that’s something we has humans will never change what traditional feminine clothing is and that’s totally fine with me. I’m just saying that because she seemed like she implied that she failed being feminine because she truly wanted to wear sweatpants. In fact sweat pants can look feminine depending on the style.

[@nusaibahibraheem8183]

As long as you feel great in them

[@sassyqueen9739]

Yeah I’m kinda loud I refuse to do anything for men I like muscles and I wanna be strong butttt I also love skirt and dresses it’s so pretty I don’t like heels tho especially high heels😭

[@khalilahd.]

I absolutely LOVE your videos! I’ve always felt this way about the feminine movement but I always seem to learn something new when I watch your videos. We love it here ❤️ keep it up

[@mimimarinho5268]

Feminine energy doesn’t actually have anything to do with women or girls. It’s not exclusive to women. Men also have feminine energy as women has masculine energy. It’s all about balance and embodying both energies regardless of gender. Also feminine energy is a beautiful thing to embrace it’s not supposed to oppress women if anything it should be empowering. I do understand that the meaning empowerment differs for everybody. And in terms of attracting a man. If your goal is to be in a relationship with a man, feminine energy is about being your best self and not lowering your standards so that you only attract men that are worth your time.

[@Wura18]

We should be teaching society how to stop seeing black women as masculine, not teaching ourselves to be more feminine

[@taginefc3189]

Black Women need to reiterate that the masculinization of Black Women is an exploitation tool of White Supremacy. We do not need to compensate for a racist narrative about us.

[@Tolkien5045]

"When traditional gender roles in the form of femininity, really is just unpaid labor disguised as women's natural disposition" Damn, that one has me reeling

[@lowtech42]

To me, the hypergamy aspect takes on a sad undertone once you consider the fact that most rich men are jerks. Then again maybe the thought process is that regular men are jerks too. Either way, thank you for that book recommendation! That's a topic I've felt it worth delving deeper into especially as it relates to queerness and transphobia in our society

[@indicaap0ppin662]

Like can I just be someone because I like them for who they are and they like me for who I am? Yeah, I need you to be financially stable, but It’s not the ONLY thing I care about.

[@SkippyLaughlin]

That's my problem with it. I'm fine dating someone with the same success level or. Higher but not a mega millionaire. Most male millionaires are pos's

[@SkippyLaughlin]

@@indicaap0ppin662 exactly. I'm not some money grubbing whore. Also I don't want to get married or have children so he doesn't have to be a multi Millionaire. Also many of them prefer models who give up autonomy to be a trophy. No thank you

[@bbgirl800]

There are plenty of poor pos as well lol

[@bt2598]

Right. It rests on the assumption that the men already has wholesome qualities and it’s the woman that needs to change to secure a mate. But what are men doing? This is patriarchy at its finest and wrapped with a bow of capitalism.

[@mochitaro5020]

As a person of colour, I think feminine energy is very complex, I think its the nature itself, which can create and destroy at the same time. I feel its the most strong, powerful,brave as well as delicate, nurturing, sensitive, energy.

[@levithebaddest2369]

I am a fan of the femininity movement when it comes to LOOKING more feminine. As a black woman who never felt beautiful or feminine enough growing up, I love finding ways to feel more beautiful and feminine. Really, it has nothing to do with finding a man either because I've been in a relationship for years

[@prittyugly86]

Etiquette isn't arbitrary. It helps you show the outside world how much respect you have for yourself.

[@niamhharikasen7848]

I love being and dressing myself like what you'd define feminine. Dresses, skirts, long hair, etc. But I feel like a lot of women focus on how to appear feminine to prove that they're a woman and also for the male gaze - in order to be perceived desirable and beautiful. With that being said, I reject the idea of forcefully being feminine - I love my dresses, my colorful hair clips and all, but you won't see me wearing jewelry because I dislike it and find it impractical. No stress.

[@coffeebeans5137]

I enrolled as a debutante when I was in high school. I thought it was simply just a class/course to teach you to be etiquette, but once I realized it was to teach you to be what men want I dropped out... and my mom was like "I saw that coming" 🤣🤣

[@Loveladylove]

These comments, specifically from BLK women are astounding and reveal so much about BLK culture. The femininity movement was always here, it was taught to our light/bright skinned sisters. They were uplifted for their beauty, hair, and complexion. I personally know this because I have a light skin mother and a good friend who revealed she was treated like a princess in her primarily dark skin family. People have to understand, the majority of dark skinned BLK black women were never taught how to be feminine, do you hear me in the back? I don’t think you do, this is just a lot of assumptions on how people live, but if you’re not a dark skin BLK woman you would not know. Point is, People only have a problem with this because it’s specifically dark skinned BLK women are the face of this movement, and the BLK community has yet to come to terms with the fact that many of us see the dysfunction as well as the hypocrisy for what it is COLORISM, and we’ve had enough, and we’re gone.

[@jucyjay8398]

My mom taught me how to be feminine. She is dark skin sweetie. Many brown skin women were feminine an had a edge with grace.

[@jucyjay8398]

I know a dark skin lesbian that is very feminine . i think now a days people just need to be selves with out the judgement.

[@samanthak6122]

I have lighter skin and my mom is dark skin, she was taught to be feminine by grandmother who was also dark skinned. Together they both taught me to be feminine and embrace it. My mother and gradmother were also uplifted for their beauty, hair, and completion. No one just taught one specific skin color to be feminine. People have a problem with it because it goes overboard, not because of skin color.

[@sexygaywizard]

I think it's also worth considering that the type of "femininity" they're trying to adopt is the white/eurocentric idea of femininity and that often black women in the US feel pressured to uphold that specific type of femininity in order to be seen as valuable in the dating market, where they are historically undervalued

[@niecienorth5880]

Nothing purely eurocentric about femininity

[@sexygaywizard]

@@niecienorth5880 ?? Absolutely not what I said-- feminity is not eurocentric, different cultures have their own ideas of what feminity means to them and the idea that to be feminine means to be a stay at home mom, to be quiet and subdued, to wear pink and have your hair long, etc, are all eurocentric ideas of feminity

[@amandanicole5099]

@@sexygaywizard Umm long hair is not just a white thing. Many many black women have long hair once they take care of it

[@sexygaywizard]

@@amandanicole5099 Y'all need some reading comprehension I swear to god. When did I say that black women cannot or do not grow out their hair lmao. I said that the videos on becoming more feminine emphasize traits of feminity that women are expected to comply with within eurocentric cultures, an example of which is having long hair or wearing pink-- does that mean that black women cannot or do not wear pink?? Lol. It means that it is, at least, a stronger and more significant sign of feminity within white communities. Black hair length has its own standards and expectations within the black community, but these videos do not focus on those standards- they focus on white ones.

[@hanabae_]

@queen king if I were you I wouldn’t speak on black women issues, because a lot of Eurocentric standards were and are imposed on us through slavery and racist contructs .Some of us are just trying to cope so we are extra sensitive when a white person adds their two cents. When school and sometimes your workplace tells you your natural hair is a distraction and not professional some of us adapt so it’s not just for dating. We were historically undervalued by white people who enslaved us so our issues run deep. We were the ones taking care of our homes and children as well as our masters home and their children. Femininity isn’t race specific. Femininity is a set of attributes and behaviors. Look up the meaning that might help. The answers for us is never simple because there are so many complexities to the issues! So just leave things be.

[@Gertrude-Intrudes]

It's unfortunate that the traditional roles and work done by women is often disregarded and not compensated in society. I've often heard people speak negatively of housewives as if they should be grateful they don't have to work and have it easy while at the same time they acknowledge that they could not afford a babysitter, a cook, a cleaner, and laundry service because hiring someone to do each of those things is extremely expensive. Which means the work of housewives IS extremely valuable and important and so central to everyone's life but at the same time is looked down upon. Misogyny 101.

[@TheLeah2344]

I do take some advice from femininity channels but I’m very careful. I like to listen to mostly self care channels and inner work. I also like listening to tips on etiquette, natural hair styles, and clothes. What I don’t like about some femininity channels is that some channels will tell women that they are “ masculine “ and unattractive for wearing sweat pants, leggings, and sneakers. That’s not true. I attracted my boyfriend in a crop top, leggings, and sneakers. I actually attract more men when I don’t look my best. I feel like when you are listening to people online to be careful.

[@desireenylon939]

Omg I’m so relieved someone made a video about this. I’ve been so overwhelmed with the femininity content. It can be cool and refreshing at times and I’m here for the aesthetic but it’s so much pressure and stress to change yourself , be someone you aren’t just so the world will like me more ? Idk…. and I feel like it’s causing more harm than good. I remember one channel saying something like “ try to stray away from the adidas tracksuits and big hoops” I was like , wait what ? Lol

[@shiny_x3]

So if gender is socially constructed and performative anyway, isn't it expected that some people would want to improve their performance? Personally I feel like it makes it more obvious it is constructed because if it wasn't constructed, it wouldn't be coachable. And this way people can consciously discuss and decide how they want to perform gender, rather than it always operating as an unconscious expectation.

[@BreeonaNechole]

As a black woman I don’t feel our issue is lack of femininity. We’re very balanced women as a whole due to our history. It’s the lack of the balance of the masculine counterpart. I’m not saying that’s the solution either. I don’t feel like we should be begging for approval of men personally. We need to focus on being good people first then we can get to the other bs.

[@salaad_aisha019]

The toxic role of women where they were brought to 'please' men and learn how to do household chores because of its neutrality or 'who would do it if you as a women won't do what you're supposed to do' gets me annoyed,, and while that view is changing rapidly there's still some toxic households that normalize the behavior and their women dont recognize the toxicity bcs its 'normal' for them.

[@ava.catherine]

The title had me clicking so fast😂😂

[@PokhrajRoy.]

As a child, I was fascinated with Finishing School, but now I’m like, I’m happy I was a horrid child who broke things 😂

[@pranavkandpal9217]

Apparently you watch the same shit I do

[@mindyobusiness6257]

Please not betterhelp they overwork and underpay their workers and sell clients mental health information, please research this, i love your channel but don’t support them they are absolutely awful

[@khazermashkes2316]

Yes!

[@monsieurfrancoise]

This

[@seatheparade]

Wait, really? Oh no >< I hope she sees this comment then I had no idea so it's possible many other creators don't too

[@Sara-9865]

What is a good alternative to BetterHelp? I was going to use them because I need therapy

[@PokhrajRoy.]

It’s like the ‘50s just reincarnated where getting that right set of pin curls with a magazine subscription and 20 different products to get the right kind of hair that gets the man’s attention. I like this part of the ‘50s but ironically like hehe I’m a gay man who can’t even get my attention or any other man, for that matter 😂

[@jazbee7100]

6:36 - This line is a little bit misleading. It’s not femininity coaches in general targeting black women: the content you mentioned is made BY black women for black women; usually darker skinned black women at that. We can’t have this conversation without discussing how colorism has driven these women to believe that they're the problem and ~respectability~ is the answer. Nonetheless, I'm glad we're having this conversation at all, and I'm glad we're making it about capitalism!!!

[@JulianSteve]

This is going to be a good one. I am happy to see content from you Amanda. It’s been a while😭💯

[@lesbianavenger]

I pressed "Like" right after that quick intro because it literally relieved me

[@LittleRedTeaCake]

I kept seeing those “feminine urge” videos popping up and I was honestly just confused. Like where was it all coming from? So first of all, thank you for explaining that, second, as always your video was enjoyable and informative, like yes you’ll answered the question, but I also really appreciated the research you did not the topic itself. I’m gonna have to pick that book up. Lastly, as a satp, boy does my work not get valued by society because domestic labor isn’t considered labor so I always appreciate when us satp get a shout out. Haha. I hope you’re having a lovely day!

[@abenagyampo]

I’m so glad that the Black Femininity Movement is finally getting the dragging it deserves. 😌✨

[@TJ-id3wg]

Same. Saw this vid and was like “I’ve been waiting for this one”

[@softyat]

I can listen to you for hours, I sincerely admire all the work and time you put in your videos. please never stop.

[@dipikamondal6840]

I watch these vdos and advices... There are coaches who teach to walk talk wear like feminine... There are coaches who teach how to heal yourself, how to gain confidence to live in this world... I follow the 2nd type of coaches.. My life has changed soooo much after embodying those feminine quality.. It's not like you have to be housewife to gain respect from men... You deserve basic respect as a human being.. Not for your gender but because you are a human... But being feminine to attract strong masculine men isn't a bad thing... After all everybody have the right to level up their life.. Isn't like being a pushover because you are a feminine woman.. You should have a life and career(if you want) ... Being a confident and powerful woman but in a feminine way..

[@jmooxdknox4565]

Your voice is so calming when you speak so eloquently I wish you did a podcast I could just listen to you talk for like an hour. No pressure but you do have a very beautiful voice. I like how you slide in sarcasm but in a very clever way that if you’re not paying attention you wouldn’t catch.

[@amisaramazani7009]

Telling woman to BE softer (passive/directly) is just as disempowering as telling men to be more manly or ideal wich is against the whole construct of individuality....

[@ayeilak5]

Great videos these femininity videos are also about looking or acting like a white woman, most of the women have long straight hair and wear makeup. Also depending on were you live it's not safe to look femininity outside.

[@cheerupbaby7792]

“Looking and acting like a white woman” oh so we can act a certain race now? 💀

[@Andrea-dm4gd]

@@cheerupbaby7792 lol yes, most of the norms of this movement are about mimicking white femininity norms created by white men for white women. "Being docile, having long hair, wearing natural makeup, being submissive" have been part of European gender norms since Roman times, Greek and Roman. Women could barely leave their homes. While in African countries gender roles were looser, women in many occasions wear their hair short or tribal makeup and fight and build next to their men. There is nothing precolonial African or black about the kind of femininity that this movement it's pushing. If your want to embody white femininity that's fine but at least admit that that's what you are doing instead of deflecting and coping, why be so defensive about it when it's the truth?

[@pockygoddess77]

@@cheerupbaby7792 you know they meant the Eurocentric way 😒

[@pockygoddess77]

@nattmoonlight:3 general concepts and assimilation

[@pockygoddess77]

@nattmoonlight:3 cultural assimilation . I don’t know if my reply was made but it’s the behaviors and ideas put on minorities which there’s nothing wrong with it but there’s definite history of these sorts of processes being placed on poc (relaxers tone and speech etc etc)

[@camillientv241]

Great video, I'm new to your channel. As someone who didn't have mom, aunt's or sisters to learn from, I find the content very useful. The Idea isn't to change who I am; it's to "unlock" the part of me that hasn't been allowed to shine. When "being yourself" isn't getting the results you want, change is necessary. It's not about marrying up, or marriage at all. It's about understanding how the two energies compliment each other.

[@katarinka4353]

You’re so well spoken it’s so Satisfying to listen. Thank you for this video💜

[@sushidashi6152]

I’m using your videos as podcasts. Your talking is so soothing but also very insightful.

[@kengonzi_]

Love your videos Amanda, so well thought out! 😍

[@ayanna6327]

I think there's a serious lack of representation when it comes to housewives', because most of the time what we're exposed to is this glamorous thing where you stay at home all day while the nannies, cooks, chefs and gardeners do all of the other domestic labor (which very real labor.) In reality, being a housewife is very tedious work, and unless your husband makes $500,000+ a year, then you're going to be doing the vast majority of it. Most housewives are not Naomi from "The Wolf of Wall Street", but spend their day keeping up with the tasks that come with keeping up a home. If that appeals to you, then I say go for it! There is no shame in that. Otherwise, you're betting on either marrying a rich man (which is a job in and of itself) or picking a career OR lifestyle (i.e. solo travel).

[@wendys_lemonade2459]

your videos make a lot of sense! I hope you have a good day/night/whatever and a great women’s history month!

[@yveje9720]

I think black women can also sometimes live up to the stereotypes like a self fufilling prophecy. Many black women feel that they need to take on these “masculine” traits because its what’s expected of them. In that sense femininity is seen as a privileged state to be in outside of those stereotypes. I do think that men and women in general tend towards different traits it’s likely due to a mix of nature and nurture. But where many women feel comfortable and are rewarded for leaning into their femininity black women are pressured to reject theirs and that’s where this social media phenomenon is coming from.

[@anikaya157]

People also have both feminine and masculine energy, it’s not a competition between the genders

[@sheltertwo7957]

Thank you. I feel like a lot of people have this idea that being a housewife is this glamorous thing with maids & nannies & chefs & yoga classes which like yeah if you’re rich but that’s just not a reality for most of us. It’s a never ending cycle of laundry, dishes, screaming kids & an exhausted overworked/underpaid/beat down by capitalism spouse.

[@seatheparade]

That quote was so illuminating, thanks for reading the full section because I haven't agreed with something so hard in ages!! I truly hope that personality traits and behaviours are separated from gender in our lifetimes, it's been associated with one another for far too long and brought so much harm

[@tylenolover]

I love whenever you post, all your videos are so great and engaging

[@user-ot7ue2yb2e]

shocked and upset that “charm school” seems to have nothing to do with learning how to use magic.