The importance of loneliness: Brendan Myers at TEDxGuelphU

Brendan Myers is the author of thirteen books in fiction and nonfiction. He has taught philosophy at six different institutions in Canada and in Europe, and provided policy research for government agencies, labour unions, and game design studios. In 2012, prompted by the excessive prices of college textbooks, he ran a successful Kickstarter campaign to produce a texbook in logic and critical thinking, which he made available to the world for free. Myers' ideas have been featured by the Pacific Business & Law Institute, the Scottish Environmental Protection Agency, the Order of Bards Ovates & Druids, as well as numerous environmental groups, interfaith groups, and humanist societies around the world. Originally from Elora, Ontario, and a graduate of Guelph's BA Drama and MA Philosophy programme, Brendan now serves as professor of philosophy at CEGEP Heritage College, in Gatineau, Quebec.
This video was recorded at TEDxGuelphU - Inside Out in November 2013. TEDxGuelphU is a student-organized TEDx event held annually at the University of Guelph in Guelph, Ontario. Each year we highlight emerging ideas, movements and talent from the University and surrounding community. For more information visit our website at www.tedxguelphu.com.
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)

[@mimosa27]

A certain amount of loneliness develops strength of character and artistic sense. It allows individuals to break free from the matrix we live in, and to become awakened and self-aware.

[@ecafllort9683]

+mimosa27 .

[@mimosa27]

+EcafLlort96 We can shake hands. I've been lonely for longer than you. It's painful. I never said it's fun...

[@scandaliez]

agreed :)

[@nawangjinpa9471]

No way! It's as if you said: wars and killing are not so bad, because we can make amazing movies on them, with great heroes and great drama, and everyone likes such stories, so moving! Well, tragedy is tragedy. You are lucky if you had only very minor dose of it, and managed it well, but that is no reason to promote it. You can only promote ways to get out of it.

[@nawangjinpa9471]

However, it is true that it's good to be alone from time to time. But being alone and feeling lonely are different things. One can be painfully lonely in the midst of 1000 people. We all need time truly on our own, for sure, to make sure we are well connected with our own self, our own feelings, our own dreams, our own deepest values. It makes no sense to connect with others if we are not connected with our own self. We would all drift into non sense, driven my the marketing of companies who invest billions every year to dictate what we need, what we shoudl think, and of course, what we should buy --or buy in.

[@MarcFun]

Loneliness can lead you to depression and break you to a point that you can't recover. I found people who think loneliness develop strength are the one who haven't dealt with severe loneliness and depression, I'm not talking about being couple of weeks or a month away from partner and family, i'm talking about struggling with loneliness for years and years. not having physical contact with someone else ... Saying loneliness can make a person stronger is like starving someone and expecting that person become bodybuilder in result of that. I think some people mix up being alone and being lonely ...

[@tazrinahmed5326]

Soo true felt that way

[@mariusvandyk7791]

In Christ you cannot be lonely. Anything is a choice. Have the mind of Christ

[@sayedalazam4228]

Yessss! I agree 100%

[@adatbh]

This is true !!!!

[@iraqy999]

There is a distinction between loneliness and solitude

[@munirkasimov6518]

"loneliness actually is not the problem, many many insane crazy ridiculous self destructive and harmful things that we do to avoid the loneliness, that is the problem" excellent, few could have expressed it better

[@mackelly4581]

Enjoyed this talk. Ha, I can’t stand the silence, totally me. While battling depression and recent heartbreak, I’m doing my very best to NOT isolate myself. Presentations like this help to remind me to stay on a healthier path, thank you. Mostly because it shows me that I’m not the only one in this. Well done.

[@mimilion6072]

As he said a 1/4 of the population has no one to confide in. You are not alone and being by ourselves is not strange but a societal problem. Everyone in my family has died except me so Christmas is tough when I'm single. I also have suffered with depression and anxiety and heartbreak. It does change but also can come back again. All depends on who is in our lives. I'm here in the uk and care about you and wish you an Amazing 2020. Agape Love I'm sending you xxxx

[@guptahaha]

@@mimilion6072 I'm so sorry, hope you're doing well 💜

[@sherylcastro5688]

Being with ppl. is tiring. They always want something..........

[@joshaustin9119]

Sheryl Castro if you dont want to give,then its tiring . Others want to give

[@canadiansoviet]

Sheryl, not all people want things, you are just surrounded by mindless zombie types, lets get together sometime and just talk

[@augustosantiago6769]

You should have wrote "We" instead of "They"

[@kap1526]

A lot of times you dont realize when you want something as well

[@Ballerism]

I prefer my own company 90% of the time

[@yashnanda3427]

yes ! , i too

[@badnews9312]

i three

[@Ballerism]

Im in a better place since this comment

[@stzebi]

introvert?

[@washuuchan6644]

there's also a massive difference between being an introvert and preferring one's own company. i am not at all an introvert - i experience no shyness or reluctance around others and make new friends and acquaintances, etc. very easily. however, there are very few people i find interesting enough to want to spend more than a few hours with. i cannot decompress without enough "alone time" and, in general, i think those who need to surround themselves with people all the time are those who are terribly uncomfortable with themselves as discussed in the video as well. i will never be able to understand such people ... although i have many friends who are like this.

[@faismasterx]

I like loneliness. People are really fucking stupid, selfish and irritating. I'd rather die alone, than be with in the company of annoying morons who have no loyalty to you. Yes, as you can see, I'm very likeable and sociable person.

[@tharun960]

Why not raise the intelligence, level of discussion, achievement, compassion/empathy and so on of the people around you? Expect more of yourself and others and see what happens?

[@faismasterx]

I tried that. With my own family and friends. No success. My methodology of delivery and execution was self-evaluated for finesse, or lack thereof. But nope, that wasn't it. Finally, I came to the realization that the vast majority of people seldom move out of their comfort zone. This includes their own thought patterns. Ask somebody to think about a subject for a full minute (a full 60 seconds). On average, they will stop thinking and give you their opinion in less than ten seconds. Don't believe me, just test it for yourself with a friend, spouse, whatever.

[@colesteffen4451]

faismasterx life is like a mirror, if you feel like that people will in turn feel like that and you create a perpetual cycle until you change your way of thinking. People are empty shells ready to be filled with any emotion you desire. Theyre at your service to connect with you whenever you choose.

[@renehenriksen1735]

You sound like Morgan Freeman in Shawshank Redemption when he for the third time had to demonstrate that he´s ready for rehabilitation and says that he doesn´t give a daim. Understandable. Here one have tried everything and nobody cares, so why should he?

[@Gigithehuman]

+faismasterx

[@richabhardwaj7450]

At first loneliness may seem to be lethal but after some time you fall in love with yourself... :)

[@vish4544]

Richa Bhardwaj totally

[@RAY_FILET]

That's called being selfish.

[@jakephess]

your comment is selfish. People's choices about whether or not they want to explore the areas around them and immerse themselves is completely up to them. It's their life, do not judge. As long as you are yourself and I am myself, it's called preference

[@MarkGast]

Isn't that the text book definition of narcissism?

[@Randomstuffs261]

Try being socially isolated for a few months and then try and say the same thing. Your post is irresponsible, dangerous and nothing but tripe.

[@montesa9136]

We are mostly all lonely, yet we make no effort to forge relationships. We are weird creatures

[@johnmiller7453]

The loneliest I've ever been is in a relationship. I do best with dogs. I don't blame people for finding me unattractive. I speak my mind and say exactly what I'm thinking. No one wants to hear all that. I know, I've tried. Tell someone that you're really depressed sometime and watch what happens.

[@canadiansoviet]

Dave Moore, i disagree, i try hard to make connections and friendships, I am generally ignored. I dont complain though, I will try again tomorrow.

[@jasenkavukelic5047]

john miller Woow, i can relate to every word...

[@montesa9136]

I make an effort, but they just don't last!

[@melovescoffee]

Lonelyness strengthens the psychological immune system. I don't mind feeling lonely. It's a fleeting thing, just like happyness. It took me a long time to distinguish between being alone and feeling lonely. In the beginning i felt lonely all the time, now i am mostly just alone with brief episodes of lonelyness. It is no longer a debilitating emotion. I can almost enjoy giving myself a few minutes to sob to myself, objectively look at that void and then do things that make me feel better. Because that is the function of emotions. Notice problem--> fix it. If you would encounter someone who is perpetually happy, you know there is something fundamentally wrong with them too. I'm not sure anyone can keep up any one emotion without utterly imploding in on themselves. Maybe a buddhist monk after 20 years of training. That's why it's so hard. Balance is health. I need all emotions to flow through me, anger, fear, happyness, bliss, lonelyness, connectiveness. It's like coughing up something that's stuck in your throat. If you don't, you might choke on it. The flowing through is kind of the key thing here.

[@user-zu1ix3yq2w]

Did you know loneliness weakens the body's immune system? Backed by real science.

[@MarcFun]

I don't think anyone would choose loneliness if he/she had choice, in my opinion, getting along with our loneliness is the last resort to handle our emotions .... Truth is, what we can do, there are many things we can't change in our life... there are people out there so popular, they find it hard to find alone time, and there are some others who are forgotten and never be missed...

[@Restless_Vibes27]

i dont feel lonely anymore its gotten to the point where i dont feel anything.....

[@r.o.5341]

You alright mate?

[@tntpink1579]

For me I'm alone, and live in isolation, by choice although I would love a companion, but not at the expense of having to be untrue to myself and have to become something imnot to be excepted

[@canadiansoviet]

same here. my ex was always trying to change so i picked the loneliness because i think im an OK person

[@shailu1243]

being lonely allows you to speak to yourself,deeper insights are possible, getting the abilities to cope up with indigenous skills is possible.becoming skillful in art,math,...etc is possible.

[@andreajones8781]

I hoped this would help.. but it didn't at all. Yes, there are people out there.. so many people.. but they are not connected to me.. so it's like looking at others and feeling alone.. it doesn't help that they 'are there.' It just reinforces the lonliness.

[@canadiansoviet]

Hi Andrea. Tell me about yourself

[@alexdao9006]

I agree.

[@todd77777772000]

Have things changed for you yet ?

[@andreajones8781]

Thanks for your comments and questions. Three years later, I've revisited this. I'm pleased to say that I'm changing 😊 and learning to love myself. Still alone, but so much less lonely 😁❤ Take care lovely people xxx

[@trevormatthews7981]

Loneliness is the thing that drives us to find others, to be social and sometimes to make babies. This answers my question why such an unpleasant feeling could be so successful!

[@khuongvu9648]

In 2008, I received a 6-month severance pay, and decided to travel 25 countries. But the loneliness of living out of suitcase was too much, and I quit after 4.5 months. The loneliness was so profound that I decided that I need to find a marriage partner. I also decided to make my marriage fun and supportive for my wife. By supportive, I mean I want to be there when she feels alone. (Unfortunately, my wife has other ideas about marriage, and we went separate ways.)

[@jacquiejoseph2132]

Really brilliantly articulated.. loved this.. thank you

[@hughiedavies6069]

Thank you for putting into words how I feel. I wish more people were addressing this subject

[@deckiedeckie]

I like this dude's message...recognizes the contradictions as real not as an excuse..

[@joannemates6367]

What a brilliant talk and brilliant man!!! His qualifications and achievements are extraordinary!

[@SigynsHope]

Great stuff! And a good quick summary of his excellent book "Loneliness and Revelation."

[@careface8457]

There is no meaning, we are just smart animals that are searching for more of a reason to live than just the basic needs animals have. As a human you have to create it somehow. Through experiences, people or something you want to accomplish.

[@canadiansoviet]

Careface, we also have thumbs. When was the last time you saw a cat successfully turn the key and start a vehicle? Never. Doesn't have thumbs.

[@mts2457]

Man's search for meaning

[@barbthornell4786]

Also I believe in the concept of "If you don't enjoy your own company how can you expect anyone else to?". You are "someone" all on your own. Find that person, connect to it, and act on it. That is what will attract others into your sphere.

[@automationsolution]

Life altering speech from TED. Thanks.

[@renehenriksen1735]

Loneliness sucks, but so do the traditional social activities....

[@canadiansoviet]

I AGREE. I hate when you try to make a new game or sport and everyone thinks your weird. Then, those same group of people suggest doing the traditional social activities. Man, those activities are BORING.

[@rajumod]

Beautiful analysis. Proper interpretation of art.

[@H2Raby]

Well, loneliness in doses is good for reflecting profoundly on meaning, destiny and consolidating ones experiences. It is an opportunity for building autonomy and defining yourself as an individual, to behold nature in its purest form, to contemplate the world apart from humans and their symbols. But it is also demonstrated to be dangerous to those who are not equipped or prepared to cope with prolonged isolation. Statistics show that it is associated with increased risk of heart disease, HIV progression, cognition impairment and abnormal sleeping patterns & ultimately premature death in certain cases. People need eachother.

[@nawangjinpa9471]

You mixed up being alone and feeling lonely. Please watch the talk again, and/or study social connection sciences for 2 minutes, before promoting unhealthiness!

[@H2Raby]

+Nawang Jinpa hey man, you're right, I should've said 'being alone' instead of loneliness. But apart from that, I stick by what I said

[@Lexilea68]

And it is not good for man to be alone. I shall create a help meet saith the Lord. For when one falls down who is there to pick him up?

[@psykonauttija2012]

How exactly can I catch HIV by being alone?

[@karlbale3003]

"HIV progression" Go finish highschool , dumbass.

[@charmedprince]

One of the wisest TED TALKs!

[@hilath]

Truly profound. Thank You

[@ms-nl5io]

Being alone is not for the sake of itself but for being with things that are more than and beyond the mindless superficiality of our social chatter.

[@canadiansoviet]

Merik, I agree. Today, i was trying to find a reason why I dont engage in socializing more often. And I answer, if it's not about something I can relate too, I feel like I'm flapping my gums and nonsense is coming out. You said it, superficiality of social chatter

[@sarahs7876]

Great talk. I really enjoyed it.

[@zimbarush9142]

The best honest talk Ive heard that our society needs to hear for healing because our society is coming off the wall.

[@bobbysalkeld2634]

I don't fear being alone and isolated. I fear my circumstance leading to my daughter not knowing or no longer experiencing the awesome love I hold for her. That I experience that love alone, eats holes in my soul.

[@abdelwahabkhoualdia2056]

Thank you Brendan ! Nice talk

[@katheoreilly3179]

Such a refreshingly honest, confident speaker...he caught and kept my attention all the way thru....definitely going to research and learn more about him and his ideas. job well done...and critically important message today.....philosopher Brendan Myers....wow

[@marinamedinaa]

I'm avoiding myself and my own loneliness by filling the silence and watching this video haha

[@AxelSauter63]

Thank you Brendan for one of the best and most important talks ever. Just great!

[@racheloren6999]

If you have nobody and feel miserable and want to, so many people are just waiting for you. Old people, sick and disabled persons of all ages etc, just volunteer, and you will get love back.

[@rajjagconsultantgeologist7282]

You are the best manager of your own emotions. & *Awareness is the tool for realizing element of compassion in you.* 😊

[@veganchaatparty]

Wow!! Super Awesome Message!!! Super amazing!!!! Super Thanks!!

[@Onepoint540]

Great speech I have ever heard in my life

[@bonniemarie2862]

Love this!!!

[@bisher7661]

Very nice ted talk professor Myers, it was an honour to be your student at Heritage!!

[@AngieAngie995]

It is often not loneliness itself that is hard to bear but the constant pressure and impression by society that those who are alone in life have somehow failed at life. If we don't or cannot make adequate connections with others or move our life in expected directions like being part of a happy family or being surrounded by loving friends we are seen as going against societal norms. Some people choose to be lonely, others have loneliness put upon them because of circumstance, the thing is, most people do adapt and find some level at which they are content with themselves and if left to just 'be' would find their happiness. Constantly being told or reminded that 'Loneliness kills', is not normal, and that we should all be making a better effort to 'reconnect' is not helpful, it's misguided and shows lack of empathy and understanding. It's ok to be lonely the same as it is ok to be hurt or feel unhappy or be disappointed. You are not hurting yourself or society by feeling lonely, it's ok to live with it, it doesn't mean you failed at your life.

[@janebjork9746]

Excellent talk

[@sherrycrawford6724]

I'm 62 ,and have become invisible , but not really lonely ! Keep busy

[@canadiansoviet]

32 and im invisible. Takes practice.

[@verycoolgirl91]

Im here . Are you here?

[@extradimension7356]

No I am not here...

[@johnmiller7453]

For now.

[@KingPeepeepoopoo]

I'm here

[@AbdullahSheikh5464]

I am

[@noconsentgiven]

Im here, who else is here lol?!!

[@jchrismoonlitshineworld1889]

thanks, the kick I needed to give my other brother a call.

[@canadiansoviet]

yeah! im calling my grandma!

[@monmorelord6368]

If you are feeling lonely now then try and do what you can to feel connected...That can be in many differnt ways and remember you are no different to many people...Ring someone for a chat, even a helpline if no person available. Go out and join an activity ...ring an old friend and re connect ...However remember being lonley is nothing to be ashamed of, is not your fault or does not necessarily last . Everyone is lonely at some stage ...Many people in relationships are lonely and many people who live alone are not .... If you are not lonely and have many friends try and be more inclusive at least sometimes......small offers of cup of coffee or a chat can help. For me the hardest part about lonliness was admitting it as there is real stigma associated with it....you are some how a failure ....like that dog who has no home and wonders around with his tail between his legs. Socially lonely people feel that they are unloveable or unheard ...but that is not any different even for people surrounded by others.... Sit in your lonliness for awhile and feel the pain and then realise it cannot kill you and you are stronger than it...and this too will pass .... once you conquer it .... it cannot conquer you

[@canadiansoviet]

yes. no one;s fault. no shame. just probabilities.

[@user-gy7bg1rv6o]

Marvelous talk! I agree loneliness is a big problem nowadays. As a religious person, I would just like to point out something. God the creator, unlike the created, has no needs. God is whole and perfect. But I agree, that reaching out to God, isn't an enough solution. Humans need human contact. Bless you for a good talk. Helped me with my loneliness

[@janessmith4468]

I feel lonely, because I can't connect with any one on the level of pure sincerity. I guess that compassion ore empathic connection, that what we all need. We smile and shake hands, but it does not touch our hearts, because we do not talk about what is life in us (feelings caused by needs). Paper with symbols exchange hands with out touching hearts - perfect psychopathic communication. Illusion that you can own, gives you illusion that you can loose and that generates fear and greed. Humanity undergoing social pathology and all we need to do is wake up and ignore mass media (propaganda). It is not paper based reality are real, but we are and everything that we can observe.

[@pepinodemar5119]

I feel you.

[@tornyu]

There's another TEDx talk on "Big Talk". You should check it out.

[@tabithaelwell6871]

I wonder how you feel now......

[@olivialopez9323]

I avoid loneliness by drinking with my friends but this is starting to happen more than a couple of times a week. I hate it. I hate that I don't know anyone that does the things I love. Like working out, creating art, sight seeing. So I'm realizing how lonely I really am.

[@JimFreedom2007]

Loneliness, like any emotion, is our habitual reaction to thoughts. And, like any habit, we can change our thoughts and our reactions. Hence, can practice feeling oneness no matter what the situation or our thoughts we can CHOOSE our reaction and hence our experience. Completed philosophies are not necessary when one has practice the skill of feeling oneness, happiness, joy or love.

[@stephibonacci1973]

Raw truth, thank you.

[@rmcd823]

I discovered myself after I assumed I wished to be alone. I can’t tell how much it changed my life for the much better. I fell in love with myself and this is total happiness. Unfortunately we can’t choose solitude 24/7 (some humans choose it retiring to a forest in far away places - in the youtube we have them filmed). But it is fine since we can choose to be alone most of the day.

[@samluke3804]

lead a productive life and find your purpose in life and you will never feel lonely or loneliness

[@extradimension7356]

+1 as there is literally nothing to take away from Brendan Myers "Talk"... It's weak in the extreme/beyond obvious. He seems like a very nice and smart guy but for anyone that has studied archeology, anthropology or ethnography or even history will be shaking their head in disbelief this was ever a "Talk"? What have "We" become?

[@nikhilsukumar23]

Ty what do you mean by productive life?

[@johnmiller7453]

Now you tell me and I'm already retired and sick. Damn.

[@khuongvu9648]

@sam, you got a great point. In the last 3 years, I have spent so much time at work, and I have just being very engaged with my work; I simply lost track of time. I rarely get lonely, only a few hours a month. I don't go out with friends much like I used to, yet I feel very happy. (Maybe, Brendan Myers is right that when we have a lot of times to be alone and we don't like what we see in ourselves, that causes a lot of loneliness. I know that was the case for me, because I have friends who were not supportive and made me feel sad about my life. Well I am glad I don't hang out with them anymore.)

[@jimyost2585]

sam luke ~ Cover it up with workaholism in other words.

[@millicentevans9232]

I like my own company i find that when i have so call friends in my life and family members. It makes my life unhappy. Decluttering my phone contacts. My home address i have changed also my house phone is the best thing. I suffer fibromyalgia and i have a injury with my lower back. Chronic pain 24/ 7 i just cannot deal.with anyone say the wrong word to me. I am sorry i dont need too much questions and prying in my life. I did not choose to be sick and it takes great strength for me to cope each day. I dont socialise at all. Just my small circle of family its enough for me and i feel so blessed. No one should be lonely and my heart goes out to anyone who is experiencing this. Society causes this because it can make you feel if you dont have a bought house or have a car your not doing big things this is. Terrible actions of people i went out years ago. And sat near to a group of people and the bragging city was in that circle. I am not jealous of anyone but we all need to know that in this life we my have all these letters infront of our names and feel better than the homeless.people on the street we all.are going six feet into the ground we are not carrying no worldly possessions its just our bodies in that caskit so just live a good life be kind be thoughtful have comppassion and serve god. Becsuse only god has the final say.

[@jenk6895]

This guy would be awesome to have a conversation with. Great energy.

[@mikecarter5275]

If you are alienated from your self , no one can reach you , not even yourself.... if you connect to deeper truths of yourself, then you can feel everything can touch a Pon you, maybe too much ... which maybe worse and what we fear

[@ShunyamNiketana]

Nice definition of sacred!

[@chamomile3620]

My current relationship greatly affects my emotions. I often get lonely, I hope one day I'll be able to appreciate solitude.

[@zakUSDedelman]

Good work

[@mizmizappa]

I am here and I am not afraid.

[@99guinness]

There are studies that show lonliness can lead to death thru heart attack. It's about balance between solitude and company and I'm now out of balance since 2 close friends died, family moved away and my partner who worked away but was home week ends dropped dead suddenly. Out and about I can smile at people exchange a few words with them but it doesn't ease the lonliness

[@canadiansoviet]

heart attack sounds like a sudden way to go, ill take that over brain cancer any day

[@jeremyauhy041095]

I am here, is anybody out there?

[@JuniperHedge]

I am!

[@NeluMbingu]

jeremy AU We're here :)

[@johnmiller7453]

I am but I'll bet you're long gone by now.

[@canadiansoviet]

Aliens Jeremy and they know your weight on Mars.

[@cowl6867]

I am comfortably numb

[@andreewert1142]

there is a link between youtube watching and loneliness..or the free time to do it....we need to create space for us and space for others..we all have different behaviors, kinks and motivations..the greatest creative projects often occur when were alone..being alone does not have to mean that were lonely..

[@pitpao]

when will borders become universally invisible. We're like kids drawing imaginary lines on stuff. I mean a planet.

[@sd9270]

I wonder there are also some people who understands the power of loneliness. Loneliness is something which makes you a great person.Not everyone deserves that.But the PAIN, you know it makes you mad, you don't wanna live at all.

[@johnmiller7453]

I actually agree with you.

[@rosiejane3599]

Wow, he's really intelligent, and young too. Very profound :-)

[@gregm.6945]

loneliness and aloneness is a bitch when you're looking to travel, and all the travel prices you find quote "per person, twin share"...or even "save up to $x,xxx per couple" as was in the TV ad I just saw

[@sacredkinetics.lns.8352]

When I'm alone I fully connect with my philanthropic morality. 💫👣💫

[@karlbale3003]

I like this guy!

[@fromeveryting29]

For me it has to do with "independence". To me, what I do in life seems so meaningful and important that it has to be someone VEEERY special for me to stop for a moment. I want to be able to go exactly where I want, be alone to rest, contemplate, write and study, and live completely on my terms. It's not loneliness. It's chosen solitude. You are constantly confronted with yourself, and get to know yourself deeper and deeper, and eventually accept your dark sides. Spending time with others isn't done from a need, but from a strong wish. Carl Jung said "Those who look outside, dream. Those who look inside, awaken". This is exactly my experience. I've become more and more my own best friend, and it has made me so strong and independent. I do what I choose. I can handle my darkest challenges alone. There are moments I long for intimacy, but it's not a neccecity. I'd rather wait 50 years for the right woman, then desperatly reach for women who I don't absolutely love, or who don't absolutely love me. I only want the real deal, and I'm spending every year being a better man for that one (or more) woman. As of now, I couldn't imagine being with anyone. My default and preffered lifestyle now is deeply connecting to life, through me only, and with a simple physical existence.

[@No_Avail]

Modernity has blessed/cursed us with a heightened sense of awkwardness. It's hard to assert this with absolute certainty, seeing as we only ever catch glimpses of the bygone everyday and what social-routines were like for the average person a century ago (and beyond). At any rate, based on my samplings of yore eras, what constitutes awkwardness nowadays would have been unfathomable just a century ago across most cultures. This never seems to get a mention in these talks and loosely related ones that touch on isolation, even though it's arguably the driving force behind why so many are prone to isolate in the modern world. Particularly the more analytically inclined. Perhaps the pivotal role awkwardness plays is discussed in books that target loneliness, but I doubt it. It would've made its way to some of the talks or promotional interviews by the books' authors. Anyone know of a talk that delves into inflated vs. deflated standards for awkwardness?

[@lanabrunell5288]

It is amazing to me That there are so many people on the planet and that there are so many people with Internet connections and we can connect with those some of those people but it’s not the same as having a person with you love or a good friend or a parent ...it’s just not the same... when you feel really comfortable with someone and you don’t have to talk that much that is when loneliness becomes less of an ordeal. Being alone is not bad but being with people that care about you is so much better.

[@Dannypeeping]

"Well to be honest, after years of smoking and drinking, you do sometimes look at yourself and think... You know, just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that 400th glass of corner shop piss at 3am. You do sometimes look at yourself and think... This is fantastic. I'm in heaven." B. Black

[@rebeccaheuston9360]

Danny Basil Rock on, Danny Basil Your on to something

[@milapprajapati7272]

Happiness is overrated we need problems in life otherwise what would we work on ? All alone people stay strong stay true! You are going to successfull and make more money than anybody else.

[@waterfrodo4304]

All our buildings are saying "I am here and I don't need you to survive".

[@denisehall5145]

Well delivered, informative and interesting talk. Thank you. But why is social media not elevating loneliness?

[@downbntout]

Not a list of tips, but still somehow comforting.

[@pamelachard1471]

What do you do when parents blame their child for being continuously abused for years. How do you think the child would feel. How do you think the child's self esteem would be. I found it a very lonely experience between the ages of 9 and 15. Where's the support for such people

[@johnmiller7453]

There usually is none. I didn't have any either. Finally later in life I found dogs, learned to really train them and bond with them and it's sooo much more satisfying than being with humans.

[@pamelachard1471]

Kayla Nguyen I find the main thing about talking to, rather than with a friend is that it’s all about being interested in them. When you talk with them you get better interaction,which is mutually satisfying.

[@pcnair9868]

"there's nothing you can do, but here's what you can do....."

[@benjaminhowarth2220]

People always leave out the fact that there are more people on the planet than in 1930, 40, etc, when comparing timeliness.

[@Jameslaingsmith1]

Very inspiring talk, the crux of it all, my response a wee poem/Prayer/In profound silence our prayer calls out/An infinite incomprehensible universe/Does God feel less alone?/Do we?/Do I feel less alone/for writing this?/

[@sonne2351]

Loneliness is what we tell ourselves, we aren't actually lonely!!! We might be alone but never lonely that is something we merely tell ourselves it is our inner self talk!!!! I think it is the number one reason people are depressed and see little hope when in fact it does not need to be that way.

[@kevo45601]

there is a place to have a beautiful relationship with a living God

[@annetteminer874]

Kevin Elliott yes there is!!!

[@canadiansoviet]

Amen

[@jasenkavukelic5047]

Yes! God bless you!

[@RimzMeow]

My main take away from this amongst other things is, loneliness helps us build great things to alert people of our presence but we need these loneliness in order to achieve this brilliance and it in turn will allow people to not feel so lonely with their lives knowing that we are out there somewhere from the marks that we leave behind be or something as great as the Eiffel Tower or something obscure like a sandcastle

[@Laverne1978]

Gods is love

[@johnmiller7453]

I took a dump on the beach once. It said that I was here in no uncertain terms.

[@George546-he5tz]

I used to think that negative attention was better then none, but thats only true to a degree.

[@MKTElM]

One of the most cruel punishments in prisons , is solitary confinement . The only ones who can withstand it are those with inner lives . Those who can be alone without feeling lonely .

[@dominic6055]

9:58 this man summed it up beautifully

[@damonhowell8025]

Funny how so many people know so much and say it so matter of fact. It shows how lonely they are, doesn't it?

[@sbsman4998]

Every second away from solitude is one more second off your path. All knowledge comes from inside and socializing will steal away this birthright and yes make you feel oh so good.

[@MR-ho3mo]

Have courage to be alone. If you study self compassion you will know that you are the one that cares about you the most. You must put yourself first and that's ok. Learn to do things you really enjoy and go from there. Do something

[@automationsolution]

You've taught me the meaning of Sacred.

[@lisabembry6891]

loneliness is not definitive. The more people try to explain it the broader it is. Each person's experience is unique and cannot be compared. Yet it is only temporary even if it last one's lifetime. No, sir, God is not a man to have thoughts and experiences such as being lonely. Nice try. He understands us as we go through it, why we go through it, how it began, why it occurs and reoccurs and how he will take it away for good. Far more knowledge than we can know now. I, too, feel terribly lonely at times and can agree with some of what you say. Thank you.

[@renehenriksen1735]

It becomes tempting to wonder about how tribalcommunities like in Africa and Southamerica can have so low amounts of problems when it comes to loniless and depression.

[@logic3857]

I am here.

[@dj.jazanova777]

I think being alone and being lonely are two different things

[@renehenriksen1735]

Why is it so difficult to be happy?

[@Eurodollartrader]

Because suffering is a necessary and sufficient condition for the existence of life. Life is suffering.

[@themacocko6311]

Eurodollartrader Life is pain, suffering is optional.

[@Eurodollartrader]

"Embrace the pain, and you will win this game" -Avi "The way out is through" -Trent Reznor

[@canadiansoviet]

Happiness is an idea. Time to unlearn.

[@SleepyCity0001]

I was very lonely as a child, and because of that I have grown very accustomed to the feeling and it doesn't affect me nearly as much as it seems to affect others. But funnily enough, when it does take a toll of me, its always when I am around people. I dont think lonliness has anything to do with being alone but rather just feelling rejected and disconnected. I don't feel that way when I am alone, but around peers i am reminded of how no one seems to be interested in the human I am. Too much time of solitude, pondering and researching to be of interest to others. They seem to be more passionate about small talk and gossip

[@johnmiller7453]

Very nice iamlife. I like your style.

[@canadiansoviet]

jaanthenymph, our stories are similar. And yeah, i told someone today to cease speaking with me because i cared not for their gossip. You rock.

[@myahannan4778]

Wow I have the same upbringing and connection to your story. Thank you for sharing and remember I am here so we are here

[@koalacharlie9066]

I just like to share feelings and moments. To cook for someone and to watch a movie with someone. To hold someone in your arms. But in loneliness there is freedom, creativity and loneliness is usvally the fate of a great thinker. I teach Music and Philosophy. You are never alone... the right term is that there is a distance between you and what you consider company. But you are not alone. The purpose of every being is itself... not from an egoistic point of view. We are ideas, in the mind of The Being. We do not exist due to our will. So we need a meaning, a purpose. Love and affection, family or a partner, usvally give meaning..