the desire to be loved

I thought I loved myself until I realised I didn't know what self-love was.
🎶 i made a bi-weekly playlist on spotify:
open.spotify.com/playlist/2Kd...
📍timestamps:
0:00 - intro
0:39 - chapter 1: getting through pain
1:50 - chapter 2: losing grip
3:38 - chapter 3: shame
5:49 - chapter 4: self compassion
7:24 - chapter 5: in their presence
🎵music:
www.epidemicsound.com
🌟find me here:
Instagram: / itscarali
sub count: 21,613

[@mariam.4009]

“I’ve been selectively loving only the parts of myself that I was proud of” 😮 that’s such a good way to put it

[@sasha_nivar]

100% agree I loved that !

[@prabda]

yess i felt so called out😭

[@debbyvergoossen7610]

"If only I could give myself the same love and kindness and compassion I have for others" made me cry. I put so much love in the people around me and they hurt me in the longrun and then I'm destabalised all over again... I need to put that love into myself

[@carasway_]

You got this girl!! Lots of love xx

[@debbyvergoossen7610]

@@carasway_ You really made a wonderful video!! Thank you for sharing your journey and creativity with the world

[@nemar6508]

how someone can hurt you. You looks gorgeous ​@@debbyvergoossen7610

[@mrcojocaru]

There are two invaluable things I've taught myself.. one is the quote in your first sentence. The second one is that when people hurt you in the infinite ways they find to do that, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with themselves. People don't hurt you because you deserve to be hurt, they hurt you because they are hurt in some way from their past. If you can convince yourself of that, it will hurt less. It will also help you understand why people do what they do.

[@tomeryoutube1068]

Hey, you’re beautiful, and whatever you so on YT if it’s brings you joy keep killing it 🙏🤙

[@dolymsc]

"felt like a betrayal of the progress I've made over the years"

[@charmedprince]

Felt this to the core after the second heartbreak in two consecutive years I thought the first one was the lesson. Didn't know the second one was even harder 😢

[@theprehistoricbeaver4069]

that sentence is too real

[@magomogu282]

"we don't learn to fully love ourself in isolation because we don't exist in isolation" damn this hit. i always feel that im a better person when im alone and i like myself more when being isolated not realizing that it is actually because im not allowing myself to be vulnerable even with my own family

[@carasway_]

it is the hardest sometimes to be authentically yourself with family, but it is definitely a process we can learn to embrace more x

[@Lucsy3012]

"true self-love isn’t about self-reliance or self-sufficiency, it’s about our interconnectedness with others and allowing to be vulnerable in their presence" is hitting

[@TrivedijiGames]

They hurt and use when it slips how vulnerable you are.

[@treheron]

⁠@@TrivedijiGamesthen you’re with the wrong person. Confront them about it, if they continue their behavior, leave. Leave, leave, leave. It’s hard, oh boy is it hard, but LEAVE. Stop talking to them, create distance, stop hurting yourself trying to make others happy when they clearly disapprove of you: you deserve more than that.

[@suhaanijain4667]

I cried. Searching answers for months on Google didn't help me, reading self-help books didn't help me, talking to other people about it didn't help me, but this video brought my anxious mind to peace, knowing that I am not alone, feeling this way, that I have not gone mad. Thank you so so so so so much for creating something like this. I'll watch this periodically to remember who I really am and wish to be❤️

[@mikey002]

♥️♥️♥️

[@carasway_]

Wow thank you for your kind words! It makes me so happy that it helped you in some way. Sending you lots of love ❤️

[@avayoungblood2479]

“i don’t have to keep a perfect record, as long as i keep showing up, that’s all that matters.” that line spoke to my soul. thank you for being here + making the magic you do 🕉️

[@brycemyles2010]

I love the part about how we don’t learn to fully self love in isolation. When I feel the most down on myself I feel the need to isolate myself from others because I’m not worthy of them in that space… but ultimately it’s about accepting that no matter how we feel we are deserving of the presence of others

[@1998NS]

‘we don’t learn to fully love ourselves in isolation, because we don’t exist in isolation’ 🤍

[@sarakl8393]

Bell Hooks also shares this in her book ‘All About Love’, a beautiful quote

[@eclecticd9953]

@@sarakl8393gonna have to read that again

[@Rbi936]

Nice word's

[@joelstazFTW]

That monologue during “shame” was something else, as if it were resonating from within me. I felt it truly, and I’ve always struggled with self love. Especially in these intimate moments when all I want is for someone to acknowledge my existence in the world and that I’m not alone in this journey. Thank you for making this

[@carasway_]

You are not alone. So glad you resonated🤍

[@konstantinlevin8651]

hell yeah these days are the peak of content creation i guess. it's beautifully recorded and edited and feels like home. great job!

[@Rended_]

I feel like the peak is always there, you just gotta find the right stuff.

[@eazyjosh]

is it just me or female asian KZbinrs are really good at storytelling

[@gurkicomaximo5914]

fuck me I just want to be held dearly and find someone that I am comfortable with, I cant believe im so starved for love that I would start getting attached to someone in a relationship. They made it clear that they arent looking to leave that relationship and yet I still held on to hope that it happens. What a sick twisted thought. Im grateful for this video because it shows how someone that is as reflected and beautiful as you also struggles with these things and makes me feel less alone. thanks to all the other comments for sharing parts of your life as well. I hope to find someone like you one day that I could love and this community gives me hope that it may happen, even if its unlikely

[@studylamp3512]

Sometimes I feel like having hope is like a bandaid on that desire,... And that desire only keeps on festering.. I have moments where I take the bandaid off, go through the pain of believing that it will never happen for me,... And temporarily, I experience seasons of being okay with being alone. Until probably someone starts pursuing me, and for a minute I feel wanted and those desires come flooding in. I get desperately attached very first, and usually I am the one who turns them down because mostly the values I want are usually lacking. But then again.. I have to go through the painful experience of being okay by myself again😢. Atp, I feel like I'll not even give anyone space to pursue me anymore. I am more at peace alone and without having all those desires aroused only to hurt me again😢

[@jayvishnuvenkatesh870]

​@@studylamp3512It'll be okay. Remember to love and listen to yourself. Remember that you don't have to be perfect, you just have to be you. Your true self. And embracing it will help you find inner peace. The same way, the people around you, they try their best. Acknowledge their efforts and accept them whole heartedly. They're just like you, trying to be perfect and looking for meaning. Embracing them for who they truly are, instead of looking for perfection will put an end to the wild goose chase you're on. I sincerely hope everything gets better. Sending lots of love and hugs

[@studylamp3512]

@@jayvishnuvenkatesh870 I appreciate your message. But you have assumed that I am looking for perfection.To clarify the reason as to why I do end things... Considering that we live in a hook up culture, most people want sex very first. There is no patiece to know each other well.I am not looking for perfection but it's important for one to have values, and not compromise themselves just to be with someone. Because in my opinion and from my experience, it takes time to really know someone for who they are. Having sex with them very early no matter how appealing they might appear to be, is not wise but a potential recipe for undesirable outcomes. For example you might learn that it's all they were after when you are already attached. Or they aren't who they portrayed themselves to be. Or find out things about them that are absolute deal breakers for you. So, I am better of alone than risking any of these. Just see how f'd up society is as a consequence of casual sex.

[@jayvishnuvenkatesh870]

@@studylamp3512 It comforts me that we have the same values. My bad for assuming stuff, as you said, it's very hard to find someone today that knows sex is nothing about a relationship, especially ones that are really young. With your values, all you have to do is wait. Your person isn't going to be born after this, they're already waiting for you. Looking for you, and awaiting the moment you guys run into each other. That's going to be one of the best moments in both of your lives. Until that person arrives, why don't you take care of yourself good, because I know that they won't like it if you've been harsh on you, and neglecting yourself. So, do them (and you) a favor and appreciate yourself, and embrace. As the video says, embracing yourself - good and bad, is the only true way to be self loved. It takes time, a hell lotta time. But it does happen. And it's one of the best things ever. Happy that you replied, have a wonderful day friend!

[@rajashrees508]

I'm a psychology student and this video helped me so much to realize things. You put exactly those words that were scattered in my mind, l was wishing someone would make me understand what I was going through. I think this video in itself is therapy. If I become a therapist I'll play this to my clients for sure 😭

[@carasway_]

Aww thank you so much that means a lot xx

[@defnotjia9586]

"It hurts to love someone who couldn't love themselves. It's like watching a work of art setting itself on fire." - someone

[@moulee7448]

Wow this !!

[@sandrasplayplace]

This video is edited so beautifully just like a miniature movie it’s as if your not even talking about your self it’s like your painting a mural image with your words that slowly unfolds into real life from fantasy …keep going don’t force your self to be what everyone wants you to be life is difficult because we want to be accepted by any and all but the real acceptance comes from self 😊 I remember having a secret crush on a woman who was in a professional field but I could never express it directly so I felt as though I couldn’t truly face her life can make you feel all kinds of ways but never be ashamed of your natural feelings

[@carasway_]

Thank you for your beautiful message x lots of love ❤️

[@mckamy4711]

I’ve been searching for a video like this for a while that would truly resonate with me and how I have been feeling. It is nice to know someone has been through a similar process. Thank you.

[@carasway_]

aww thank you so much!!

[@san2011]

I needed to hear "We don't learn to fully love ourselves in isolation", it resonates with my daily habits. Cheers to you for making such an inspiring monologue.

[@Frozley]

At first I thought this video was going to be about relationships and was afraid that it would open up the wounds of my recent break up. The title and thumbnail just made it too hard not to open and I'm so happy I did because the message was something I really needed to hear. Beautiful video!

[@jajsanir]

This actually brought tears to my eyes. Your words felt so sincere and you articulated so well things that I have also felt, but could not express. Thank you for sharing this video! I feel encouraged and seen. I’m cheering for you!

[@carasway_]

Lots of love to you❤️

[@mckamy4711]

You’re not alone.

[@takeinomiyas]

i’m actually crying my eyes out typing this, everything about this was so beautiful, and hit home so hard. i’m so glad this video came onto my algorithm and while scrolling through the comments i’m sure most people who clicked on this feel the same way. self-love really is a process and even though it’s difficult to put a finger on the details of the processes, you brought it to life with this video, well done!!

[@ComingInChimichangaHot]

I know right, me too :”) I relate to this so much and I feel like this video is the reassurance and comfort that I’ve been needing after all that self doubt about the way I am

[@designingdante]

i learn to not fall for the trap of using pain as fuel, it's too volatile and burns out too quickly. i'm trying to learn that fuel just puts us in movement, but it's up to us to set the direction or face the inevitable wall ahead, 'cuz life is a road with too many curves. part of life is to learn when to fight and to surrender, but another something i learned is that we not only tend to fall for the same traps because we don't know how to identify when it's coming. most of the time it's actually because we don't know our habits the leads us to those traps. i don't know if awareness helps or allows us to overcome an issue faster. often time i feel myself better for knowing what's happening, but clueless on what to do next. it looks like to me that you know what you want from a relationship, but when you realize that your partner doesn't adequate, you catch yourself already emotionally invested. and i'm sorry if i sound arrogant or parasocial here, i'm only saying this because i think it's a good thing to know what you want and all of us set expectations based on what we want, especially when we think we found it. and congrats on the 20k subs. i'm listening the playlist right now 😄

[@carasway_]

Yeah, using pain as fuel is not sustainable, which I've only begun to unravel. Surrendering to emotions but still having the strength to stand back up again when the time is right is definitely something I need to practice more. You're right about the fact that because we don't know our habits, that leads us to those traps, but that's why I think awareness really helps, cos if we're not aware of the patterns, we would never be able to change. I don't think most people know what they need to do next in times of struggle, but I think once you surrender and accept things for what they are, the answer sometimes reveals itself. Thank you for always leaving a comment:) It has been a real pleasure to have you along the journey from when I only had +1k subs! I really really appreciate it🤍

[@adithyagaikwad4506]

“The pain of not who knowing who I am that I was hungry for change and growth” 🙌🏽💯

[@muxkan]

I've been struggling a lot these days. But your voice and videos help me a lot to figure out things. It shows me I'm not the only one.Thanks!❤

[@carasway_]

aw thank you that means a lot xx sending you lots of love

[@4amoats]

I was about to comment the same thing! You did a better job at putting my thoughts so simply into words.

[@muxkan]

@@4amoats I understand. We'll get through this ❤️

[@4amoats]

@@muxkan thank you! I too hope whatever you are constantly stressed about gets better

[@yabkakundi9065]

As I played the video , I could relate to each and every word that you were saying. Then I suddenly said to myself , "I honor you and love you for coming this far and gaining stability". Thanks for uploading this!

[@lisaaa7102]

I have been struggling for a long time to love myself and have slowly been falling apart while trying to pretend that I was okay. Self-love is a journey. Growth is a lifetime of baby steps. Today, I am taking the first step towards healing and learning to appreciate myself just the way I am. I am not perfect and that is okay. Thank you for sharing your words and feelings and experience.

[@AngelBien]

Thank you, I really need this. It’s beautiful.

[@jesstorius9743]

This video helps me feel like I'm not the only one going through this. It hurts seeing other people that seem more so much more secure. Thank you for this video

[@abbeyraynes]

love love LOVE this! these are probably my favorite types of youtube videos because i always find them when i most need them, and knowing that every person has these thoughts and feelings makes me feel less alone in this process. thank you for making this video

[@isobel6301]

this has such an overwhelmingly beautiful message, thank you so much, and i wish you well in your journey

[@aztyyy]

what a beautiful video! i'm really glad i found your channel ❤ chapter 5 really spoke to me, i needed to hear this. especially the phrase "we don't learn to fully love ourselves in isolation, because we don't exist in isolation"... keep up the incredible work :)

[@diyakawafaeq]

This video felt like a hug. Thank you for making it.

[@braylondaniels9412]

i wrote something very similar to this a little over an hour ago, this cleared up a lot of things i couldn’t see from the emotional state i’m in, thank you for the honesty you brought to this video

[@remo.neilwe]

this is so powerful. i needed to hear this. thank you so much for this, your words, vulnerability and art.

[@evaromanowski52]

This is the most beautiful video I’ve ever seen, thank you for speaking so well about these complex emotions.

[@nadiaescott]

this touched me so deeply. i don’t think i’ve ever felt heard in this way & you explained and visualized it perfectly. thank you❤

[@yannickcousinne]

This is incredibly moving, thank you for sharing yourself so vulnerably!

[@yappingfest]

wow, this really hit hard. i recently had lost a state competition i worked really hard for and i was overwhelmed with the frustration in losing because i have such high standards for myself. hearing you say to not only love the parts of ourselves we are proud of and instead loving our weaknesses really reassured me i don't have to constantly be perfect. thank you so much.

[@taylorrobb13]

thank you. i really needed to hear this- it’s quite literally exactly what i needed to hear in this moment so thank you. so much ❤

[@KeepingupwithAnnise]

Thank you for having the ability to speak your truth. This hit so home for me and I can relate 1000%! I will continue to watch your inspiring videos. You got a watcher from Massachusetts ❤.

[@513pluto]

the way you express yourself is very thoughtful and introspective and you still allow yourself to be confident in the words you say despite them making you vulnerable, its refreshing and not easy to do

[@emadias469]

I really needed this. Specially today. Thank you so much, lots of love

[@rahulratwatte107]

I’ve arrived at a very similar head space in life recently and it was really nice to see someone else’s journey to this peaceful state of my mind. Also love the editing, felt so real.

[@thequackspirit_1886]

I really needed this right now. Cause like you even I am self aware that I was self sabotaging cause of some inner reasons but self love is more deep than we think so

[@kzzo77]

i clicked on this video on a whim and am glad I did, you put everything I've felt so beautifully and real. thank you genuinely

[@jibeqkudaiberdi398]

heh literally crying.. I'm so grateful! Thank you sm ~ Every word and sentence in this breathtaking video accurately describes my current state of mind :)

[@jazz8624]

this is so stunning. i will be writing many quotes from this video in my journal. your soul shines brightly and beautifully through this video!

[@veronicasullivan7025]

this was so powerful and vulnerable. thank you for sharing your journey with your self love ❤️ I resonated deeply. my heart needed this

[@hannahg8604]

This is so beautifully raw, thank you for creating and sharing this. I really needed this

[@deshoba]

I can't put in words of how much I relate to everything you mentioned, even the experience we kind of have similar ones. Thank you for reminding me that I am not alone in this battle ❤

[@nityangidwivedi7455]

I don't usually comment on yt but oh man! Thankyou so much for making this video. This was exactly what I was feeling. It has given me clarity of what i already knew but was vague. Keep up the good work✨

[@Tabatski]

thank you so much for sharing your perspective of this specific topic. this made it all make sense, everything that i'm currently feeling. thank you.

[@eyezag]

Thank you. You got me weeping here because you're talking to my soul right now.

[@nellie5607]

wow found this video randomly and subscribed! What an honest and beautiful video, also loved seeing the city i lived in before documented like this, made me miss it a lot

[@mauooo23]

thank you so much for making this, you dont know how much i needed it

[@badalgupta6965]

My favourite KZbin video , learnt a lot from it, thank you for making this, needed it a lot ❤

[@audreytoutou2868]

I agree so much! The turning point for me was to lower my expectations from life and from myself. As a result, I finally could see what it's like 'to live in the moment'. When 'this moment' is not about your greatest moments, but the insecurities too

[@dokiz-_-]

never find a more relatable video, first time i felt someone understand how i feel

[@yoonian7841]

I can totally relate to the "I've been selectively loving only the parts of myself that I was proud of", for months I was brutal with myself, pushing my physical and mental strengths to their limits just to feel productive in the name of "self-improvement" but that all crumble down into rushing and forgetting to do things as I just cramp too much stuff into my daily schedule and not giving time for myself as well as punishing myself if I do not meet those expectations that I hold myself too until I got an injury that force me to take a break and reflect on everything that has happened, but I couldn't quite explain the feeling that I was facing then until I stumbled across this video. Thank you so much for putting such efforts into such an exquisite video to help provide clarity to my mist of thoughts and I wish you the best for your future video endeavors ^_^

[@hiena8630]

Chapter 3 hit hard, amazing video, it felt so personal and intimate but so familiar

[@jamisonburton7598]

Thank you for this video. I found myself tearing up as I heard what my heart has been aching to say. I needed to hear this on this morning. Thank you for being vulnerable and honest with yourself and sharing that with the rest of us!

[@nowl__]

I needed this video! Thank you :) This year, I am trying to truly love myself accept all my flaws and imperfections.

[@elowenzu]

This video make soooooooooooo much sense to me right now. You describe it so well like your words were in my head since the beginning and I was clueless about it. Tysm for your content. Really great discovery. Coralie

[@ohhgiaa]

this was beautifully put together, i cried…thank you for this. i really needed this right now

[@ebez7132]

From chapter 3 onwards - you were speaking to my soul. Thank you.

[@Zoknowsbest]

This was so beautiful,I love your mind and the way you think

[@eeevan7939]

Glad youtube brought me here, your insights are wonderful. It's crazy how well you can put my thoughts into words. I'm not quite through chapter 3 in my own life, but this gives me hope things will get better

[@rosieisrighteous]

Thank you for making this video. I’m going through a tough time right now and some heartbreak, but this offered me hope ❤

[@blessyjoycelagarto4239]

thank you!!! self-love is endless forgiveness of one's self.

[@tessabutterfield8978]

Wow. Your wisdom is beyond many, as is your way with words. Thank you for this ❤ It brought me home to myself in a moment I needed it

[@graynickolas_]

I’m in Chapter 3 right now, it’s a really hard stage now and wow… thank you for the insight. This will help me get back on track to loving myself. 🙏

[@shivani6281]

this was so beautifully raw and honest and reflective, it made me realise a lot of things, thank you for making this video♡

[@rynkebartholomeus5552]

wow past couple of months I have been struggling with exactly the same challenges, I could not put it into words how I was feeling or why I was feeling this way. But this truely opened up so much for me, thank you for sharing your vulnerability I appreciate it a lot

[@BulletDarkness]

Awww that was beautiful. Well done Cara!!

[@sarasamir2897]

This hit me so hard... thank u for describing and sharing yourself.. you showed me things that i have but couldn't understand it..

[@ziuzuuh_]

This video helped me more than anything. This means alot to me. Thankyou and i appreciate your efforts. Keep going. Youre helping alot of people along your own pace. Once again Thankyou.

[@M4GG1323]

Thank you. I don’t usually comment but this video really resonated with me and I needed it most right now. Thank you so much ❤

[@shireenkasim5506]

Thank you so much for creating this. Needed to hear this today. I bawled 😭😭😭😭😭

[@hitixashinde9080]

I never knew such a good video existed here on youtube. You got me in the first 30 seconds itself. Thankyou for putting this video out.❤❤

[@brauliocosta543]

Just a big and plain thank you for this, it helped in a million ways.

[@SwetaaaSharmaaa]

Your voice is literal therapy ❤

[@charliedavies6731]

When you mentioned that you only loved the parts of you that you're proud is such a great insight that many of us can relate to. A lot of self help information revolves around taking the steps necessary to reach your goals so you can ultimately feel happy. As much as I feel this advice helps a lot of people, you have rightly pointed out that just focusing on and praising your achievements/highs leaves little room for loving the other, less desirable, parts of you. Loving yourself unconditionally puts you on a path to anti-fragility, where one cannot just withstand a shock, but actually improve from it. Great video, love from Scotland

[@samb2019]

this is fantastic, never stop creating.

[@lovedaisy_0728]

This is the most beautiful video I’ve ever seen. Thank you

[@user-td4hy3gl2j]

So beautifully edited and written! sending so much love your way.

[@IDyani261]

The visuals, the sound, the overall delivery of this beautiful message was just so amazing 🥲. Thanks for sharing ❤️

[@JudeLawKingKlaus]

You can't know how much I needed this right now. Thank you! I'll be better :)

[@youwantthisusername1]

This was incredible and extremely relatable (especially with all the london shots!). Thanks for sharing

[@maijakosunen8140]

This was exactly what I needed right now.

[@CosmicCactus_]

This was beautiful, I needed this. Thank you ❤

[@calicojellyza]

The way you have scripted this video is so beautiful and relatable i couldn't help but subscribe to hear more of such words. I feel so much of this, so many things you told me enlightened me a little more. The last chapter specifically, hit me. "We don't learn to fully love ourselves in isolation, because we don't exist in isolation" i'm rooting for you and me!!

[@henriqueabensur1833]

please, dont stop sending videos. u r amazing

[@Fireball821]

Beautiful way of teaching through your wise words and visuals. You earned another subscriber. Thank you, I really needed this today.

[@vhopseok]

i was in the turmoils of a short relationship when you posted this and now after the breakup what you have created showed me how much i lock my emotions inside just like the little girl in me did. he told me i was too clingy physically i felt unloved now this video made me realize how much love i needed to give to my inner child especially in a relationship. how i need to ground myself in having a separate identity that’s different from my partner and it’s perfectly okay. how it’s perfectly ok to feel deeply about everything and in the long run how beautiful pain can be. he may not have loved me but i would have loved that clingy girl who just wanted to be held everyday and be listened to with an open heart

[@riru8842]

“I don’t have to keep a perfect record, as long as I keep showing up, that’s all that matters” This line hit me because I have been pressuring myself to feel good every time and not acknowledge the times where I actually feel negative. I try so hard to convince myself to be happy at all times because I always think that if I am not consistent with it, I feel like I would just be stuck in one place, not getting better. But the line gave me reassurance that it’s okay to make mistakes, that it’s okay not to be okay as cliché as it may sound. As long as I continue on and just be my authentic self, I am doing great ❤️‍🩹

[@varipichoi7204]

This video is such a hope core, thank you so much for putting effort into this.

[@jumansabbagh434]

You are so so wonderful. I truly wish that you will be paired up with someone that can truly appreciate the depth of your soul and your capacity to think in such ways. It’s truly a gift. And thank you for this gift of a video. It’s nice to know some people feel the same way out there.

[@4runner-mw2ej]

this video showed up in my timeline in the exact right moment , thank you❤️

[@polina3871]

I'm so glad you're back! When I was sad, I watched all your videos. I really love your videos! and I always wait for them!!!!🥺🥺🥺❤️

[@carasway_]

Aww thank you for sticking around 🩷

[@lakshmikumarijha8016]

I never really comment on social media platforms, but this video made me do it. The videography, the selection of words etc has really caught the essence of this video. This is really one of the best contents out there, thanks for this video, it helps a lot❤ and keep this up🌻