The Secret to Being Likeable and Confident | Vanessa Van Edwards on Women of Impact

Hey guys, Lisa here! If you didn’t already know, I am super frikin excited to share that I’m writing a book! To be the FIRST to get sneak peeks about my book and other exclusive content go to: lisabilyeu.com/ and be sure to sign up for my newsletter.
Vanessa Van Edwards, professional investigator into the science of human behavior, used to try so hard to be someone she wasn’t. Thankfully, she got tired of pretending, and decided to embrace her real self. And now she devotes her time and energy to helping others present their own authentic selves in the most likeable and powerful way. On this episode of Women of Impact with Lisa Bilyeu, Vanessa Van Edwards explains the best way to deal with video calls, job interviews, and even first dates. Those best practices include some surprising insights, including reasons why you might want to wear perfume and high heels in a video call interview, why you should use a real background instead of a virtual one, and why it’s better to reveal your inadequacies and insecurities sooner rather than later.
SHOW NOTES:
Vanessa spent about a decade trying to fake it, and then she got tired of it [2:04]
There’s actually more cognitive load on a video call than in real life [4:02]
The background people see behind you in a video call says a lot about you [8:33]
Interviewers are doing tons of interviews now, and they’re tired of conformity [10:52]
Your first impressions now include your visual background along with facial expressions [13:30]
How formally should you dress for a video call? Should you wear perfume? [15:25]
Vanessa explains why you should quickly reveal your secrets on dates or interviews [19:38]
Vanessa explains why even a 1.2 second delay causes people to like you less [21:20]
Vanessa discusses why in work calls you should show some of your upper body [26:03]
Vanessa describes the importance of hand gestures, and talks about how to use them [27:06]
We now have a brief window where we can create our own rules for dating [29:40]
You can have fun with video calls in ways that wouldn’t be possible in real life [33:04]
Vanessa discusses what the future holds for Zoom calls and in-person meetings [37:10]
FOLLOW LISA:
Instagram: bit.ly/2TIsoKh
KZbin: bit.ly/2IAbTcH
Podcast: spoti.fi/2IEajGW
FOLLOW VANESSA:
WEBSITE: scienceofpeople.com/
INSTAGRAM: / vvanedwards
FACEBOOK: / vvanedwards
TWITTER: / vvanedwards

[@vimbayikajese2336]

I love how these two love each other. It's so evident in their eyes. So much respect & admiration for each other.

[@mirandabauer8345]

Oh my gosh. As an introvert, can I just say that Vanessa hit that advice right on the head!? I also now feel a lot better about having to observe things before jumping in. Her advice on hand movement and eye contact was also super helpful. I've always felt silly about making hand motions while on camera. It's nice to know that helps people on the other end engage more.

[@shalomndulaka902]

"Your brain looks at your hands for confirmation and income!" That was a light bulb moment for me! So truuuue!

[@LisaBilyeu]

Shalom Bangura 💯💯

[@MANZANOADRIAN]

huh

[@visionyouniversity]

It was SO authentic of Lisa to leave the part in where she had to ask the gardener to hold off! LOVED that!! That’s real life!! 💯

[@cthornton523]

That was GOLD

[@LisaBilyeu]

Haha! Transparency is the only way!! ❤️

[@moonweaver]

That was hilarious - REAL life!

[@YvetteVB]

Yes ! I loved that

[@pathtoknowledge6847]

Lisa & Vanessa Van Edwards are the best combo in the world! Please make more videos & I sincerely applaud your authenticity Lisa ❤

[@llvzz5240]

She is amazing. These are super practical knowledge!

[@cthornton523]

"I put on a *bra* for you, Lisa..." (Me & Lisa in unison): "BAAAHHAHAHA!" "Drop the shoe first," how to video date, when & why to say, "let's hop on audio," zoom fatigue is a thing! Vanessa and Lisa rock that rare fusion of "intriguing introvert" with a big, warm, engaging personality. The best. Love the vibe ladies 🤩🤩🤩

[@LisaBilyeu]

cthornton523 🤣🤣🤣 thank you!! Appreciate and feeling the ❤️

[@lisabilyeu8103]

🤣🤣🤣

[@leafyveins4985]

Every single person in the world needs to see Vanessa van Edwards' work! She and her team are doing amazing things. She has inspired me so much.

[@spectacularrichbeautybrilli]

This video was sooo positively impactful!! much needed during this time. 💋

[@yais8788]

I read her book after Tom’s interview on his channel. Such a great lady to assist many of us who feel less confident in social setting. Thank you Lisa for bringing her here 😘

[@ScienceOfPeople]

You are so kind!

[@LisaBilyeu]

Poppy Ningthmch pleasure! We adore Vanessa!! ❤️

[@sabinaeinstein]

I genuinely enjoyed this interview, you've such a good connection with Vanessa! p.s. "dropping the shoe" at the beginning of the conversation is a great advice!

[@libraarc]

Yay! It's Vanessa again. I was excited to see her appear on WOI. Such a relevant topic too as all of us are doing video calls, this ep was very interesting and useful

[@zainabthedragon6528]

I love how Vanessa gets complex points across with easy to understand analogies and words Vanessa and Lisa worked great together. :)

[@zoeii515]

I specifically like how the background tells the story about you and wow online dating tips. I have never thought about the game app to get to know somebody more before the video call. Overall, great video Lisa! Thanks for making this.

[@jarecerv]

Love Vanessa! She has such great tips and insight. Thanks for another inspiring video Lisa

[@vikkigaines9836]

Amazing! Loved the info on how to tactfully address non-verbal and verbal communication via zoom for both personal AND professional lives! As an introvert, I just assumed doom. Now I know there IS another avenue that I can explore for growth. Thank you!❤

[@JL-sw3sb]

I really love all the tips Vanessa gave in this interview.

[@justinanothard724]

Thank you, great episode!

[@colleenanne4032]

I so appreciate Vanessa's positive outlook and soft yet uplifting energy.

[@crystalheavey5913]

I LOVED EVERY SECOND OF THIS!! Thankyou sisters 💜💜💜💜💜

[@ldoobs7342]

The let it out helped. When people sense you have something that you are afraid of coming out, just say it.

[@artwithmamafairybreadd]

Of course you should....you respect yourself by letting others know how you feel.....EXPRESS YOURSELF.....

[@firdosvohra4315]

Thank you for this Lisa and Vanessa!

[@bethmetro8761]

Thank you so much! Very direct and helpful!

[@texaSteffi]

One of the best videos and a shining light much needed now. Thank you ladies xxx

[@deechlynn]

I Love her!! So much great info!💛💛💛 I love your channel! I am truly inspired! Continuously!!

[@AmandaMichelleFogel]

The two tips I found SUPER helpful and interesting were the surprise conversation starter box and the insight on distance and personal space! Thanks so much!!

[@LisaBilyeu]

AmandaMichelleFogel 🙌❤️

[@seemranhoro1572]

This was very helpful. Thankyou for sharing❤

[@nicofar2600]

showing hands and having real background were my favs!pls do more videos with her

[@francescakolar8549]

Amazing interview thank you great tips x

[@nataliagomez4825]

I loved everything!!! But the tips for work calls. I surely going to applied it Thank you a lot

[@nissisirvania]

So lovely, real and interesting. ❤

[@ivee]

I LOVE Lisa and Vanessa!!🥰

[@dianasquest]

Loving all the tips, particularly about backgrounds, positioning, and hand gestures on video. I'm due to restart filming for my channel and was ready to sort some type of fake background but now it'll either be real or something to reflect me and the topic 👌 thanks for this interview @lisabilyeu and for the info @Vanessavanedwards your both Fantastic 👏 🦋

[@GrowWithSupreet]

Amazing content! Also I love your love of pink, Lisa 😊

[@wisamrohilina3006]

OMG she's so funny.. please have more of her in your show

[@ericneckel8646]

Great interview....Women of Inspiration for sure. I'm sending it to my daughter.

[@LisaBilyeu]

Eric Neckel amazing!!! 👏🙏💕

[@auntmary3522]

showing / waving with both hands is super interesting!

[@jenniferolivarescortes4213]

Great advice, thank you so much :)

[@theschoolofbodylanguage]

I felt like we were all together ❤ Thank you for your easy conversational way. Thank you 😊

[@ScienceOfPeople]

I'm so glad you enjoyed it ❤ Thank you for watching!

[@lilianagriseldaszachury1843]

She is amazing 😉 Thank you for having her 👌🏻💖

[@LisaBilyeu]

Liliana Griselda Szachury totally our pleasure!!

[@patriciam8911]

I already follow this amazing women, I loveeeeeeee Vanessa so so so much!!!

[@ligiasommers]

Helpful and fun episode, thank you 🙏🏻💖🌷

[@LisaBilyeu]

Ligia Sommers 💕

[@MHK956]

36:06 is pure gold 😂🤣😅 "So I was on a video call... the other day..."

[@JeanetteMoseneke]

Thank you Universe for sending me this timely video because I have my first IG Live interview this coming Saturday. I'm going into it feeling a lot more prepared. Thank you ladies. With Love from SA 🇿🇦

[@mindtheprivacy]

She's amazing. I read her book and followed her shorts on KZbin and I have learned a lot. For example, she's wearing red. She's standing. That's purposeful. Read her and you'll know why.

[@shreyas3debnath796]

There are tons to be learnt from you Madam !!!

[@omnificent22]

lisa your dance at the end with the pointing 👌😂 love you greatly

[@heinrichgrove]

Love the air blower!!

[@LEGASItv]

Her chemical compounds background... In love 😍

[@shannon150]

This is such an interesting podcast💚🔥

[@LisaBilyeu]

Self Development Shannon 🙏

[@CallieSYR]

I love listening to Vanessa. She's always informative, speaks with speed, clarity, interest, humour, and her voice is nice! Some guest speakers it's a struggle to grasp the content of what they're trying to say simply because of the way they communicate (accent, energy, tone etc..). Lisa's always great ;)

[@Talkinglife]

Simple Ways to Make People Like You More Ask questions. I've noticed people who ask questions are often well-liked. ... Talk more, not less. A friend of mine is a small business owner and he is extremely well liked. ... Give your time…gratis. ... Listen better. ... Really and truly care. ... Admit it, you don't know everything. ... Go for the laugh, every time. ... Lighten up.

[@LisaBilyeu]

Talking life LOVE THIS!! 🙏❤️

[@jafaralijaffery636]

Hey Vanessa ma'am your hair is beautiful

[@lawrenceglerum1916]

One missing was company supplied backgrounds. Which makes me see competence.

[@jafaralijaffery636]

You're exactly right ma'am

[@jjw3738]

Lisa or Vanessa, suggest what kind of game apps have video connection you spoke of here. I am not computer savvy to know how to choose one. Sounds like an exciting idea. Thanks

[@lanael7278]

I don't even answer " how are you" question. It's so fake. This was such a great interview, Lisa.

[@bellamarciano]

Love this!!!

[@mirnaflores3616]

You have safe my zoom life.💕

[@yinglin9537]

The piece with the gardener was sooo funny and soo real 🤣 i would have a customer conf call from home and suddenly my two cats would decide to fight/play with each other or be vocal asking for food hahaha

[@LisaBilyeu]

Yinglin 🤣🤣 heat that!

[@omnificent22]

please get on tiktok with yo dope ass science vanessa! i love both you goddess queens so much!!! 💚🤍💙💛❤ many thanks

[@sickofcrap8992]

Wonderfully informative vid. Way too many ads.

[@veronicasalaues871]

I'm loving this talk so far. However, I'd like to make an interjection. The only reason why people sense when you are fake, it is because you have consciousness and you have a conflict within yourself in regards to that. If you were something like a psychopath, people with no previous experience could hardly sense your fakeness because you would have no conflict since you have no conscience!

[@mindtheprivacy]

True: People are more open minded that ever.

[@larasmith490]

🦋life is to short to fake it

[@Burchamarama]

What if there is more than just "one thing"? I'm wondering if disclosing one thing and then moving on (without introducing the others) is advisable?

[@blondwiththewind2598]

Similarly to another commenter: I ALSO FELT MISLED BY THE TITLE; but for different reasons. I am an introvert...(lNFJ/empath)...and we can come off as a bit "stand-off-ish" in-person with people we do not know...so l was interested to see what this video had to say regarding the topic as presented in the title of the video. As it is: the video did not really discuss that topic....but l did choose to listen/view the video anyway. I did find the tips about techhniques to use in online video-conferencing very interesting, informative (loved the background history and science related to the topics), and l will be considering utilizing this information with upcoming video meetings. THAT ALL SAID: I DO THINK IT IS IMPORTANT TO ALWAYS USE A TITLE THAT ACCURATELY REFLECTS THE CONTENT OF THE VIDEO. Not only did l not find the content I was seeking: but l also would have missed the interesting and very useable content in this video IF I HAD NOT CLICKED ON THIS VIDEO SOLELY DUE TO THE MISLEADING TITLE. Similarly: I suspect the video likely has missed some possible additional views due to the problematic title. I THINK THE VIDEO PROBABLY WOULD HAVE HAD MORE VIEWS IF THE TITLE HAD BETTER REFLECTED THE ACTUAL CONTENT OF THE VIDEO. (Example/suggestion: "TIPS FOR MORE EFFECTIVE VIDEO MEETINGS IN TODAY'S WORLD"). .

[@jafaralijaffery636]

It's good to be always real not to be pretend someone you're not

[@springfauna1465]

Earrings and a bra....bring your A-game and a little perfume....I love it!!!!!! Great conversation!! Thank you!!!

[@michaelglynn5856]

Thank to both babes and Tom Bilyeu for the hookup!

[@michaelglynn5856]

I love Tom Bilyeu but I admit it's the information that Tom and his guests leak out that I truly appreciate. Tom if these are any clue to how hot the host and guest's are gonna be like I am gonna drop you down a notch. I hope that guys with male hormones don't see this only because I want Impact Theory to stay numero uno for your ego. I swear I like my information being spouted out by super hot babes! Even more than you!

[@jafaralijaffery636]

Hey there

[@patriciam8911]

And I love you too Lisa ❤❤❤❤ hahaha

[@FeedingThySoul]

I am a Coach, Healer & Blogger so #communications is like MY THING. I also call myself more of an #extrovert and resonated soo much with Vanessa, especially the #handgestures part because I very naturally (since I was little) use my hands a lot. I just loved all her tips and tricks. I do believe in conversation starters too, esp wrt the "background" or a necklace/watch/bracelet which gives the other person an opportunity to talk and resonate with us or get to know us better ;-) xx themavenlifestyle.com/healing-and-coaching-programs-by-aakansha/

[@alrightsky]

SHE is so likeable. *_*

[@LisaBilyeu]

rina 👏

[@jafaralijaffery636]

Hi ma'am

[@Dr.JudeAEMasonMD]

I’m wearing a bra and earrings, my brain is saying “BRING IT!” 🧠 🥊 😂 Edit: my painters started power washing the window immediately facing my desk during an interview. I literally had to excuse myself and pull a Lisa. It happens. ❤️

[@zainabthedragon6528]

I didn't now gold was verbal but it is

[@mindtheprivacy]

Context clues. Wow.

[@MCGreggy28]

“This will only be going on for a few months.” Date posted: 11 months ago. 😜

[@igormendonca4026]

agreeable ENTJ with developed Se

[@michaelglynn5856]

Non stop bullets from this hot girl. Wow I will just say the online dating advice. Making the sushi at the same time. I am an Alpha Male times ten and I am getting her book or books. Kind of messed up that out of the hundreds of books I have a small percentage were written by women. Laura Hillenbrand is one of my favorite as she wrote Sea Biscuit and Unbroken. They are tied for first place and are both nonfiction. I pray for her health. She mentioned a health concern.

[@Dancewithpaula]

Hmmmm interesting how she handled the gardener. Insight into her personality indeed. There is no way he would have known she was filming. He was just doing his job. Seemed rather snippy and condescending.

[@DebraWilderMeditation]

to wait one hour is crazy especially in heat. My gardener would quit.

[@lolaklloyd3053]

Telling someone, , on a date or in an interview, something-right away- that you would really not want them to know about your past, or something you're not sure you should reveal r- right away is complete BS. You're just STARTING to get to know someone.If you reveal something private, you could make someone feel it's TMI and really uncomfortable. Also, who says you have to reveal 'a bad grade' (seriously?) or anything else until you get to know someone thinking back,(there are so many times I wish I had remembered the lyrics to "Policy of Truth" right now) Also, I just watched the Evy Poumpourus video,which, as a former SSA, is completely different info. Everyone's a specialist and writing a book. Need to wean myself off my youtube addiction- ok there is some good or just entertaining info.I just wasted a huge amount of time.

[@kwclove7623]

Phony self deprecating doesn’t work on intelligent people. Agree that acting perfect is just foolish as well.

[@danielasat4563]

Sorry Tom, im shipping this.

[@b-rare]

She’s super smart but I think this is too much thought into having conversation with people. Sure you can learn this skill but it also comes very natural to most. I don’t think you need to put all this effort in to being the ultimate conversationalist because it kind of makes you think “when are you being you?” . Seems like you’re always planning to be likeable . Lots of work. It’s good and can benefit sure, but I wouldn’t want to be like this all the time with all people. Lol. Maybe that’s just me.

[@kls-9589]

Did I watch this?! Hell NO!!! The title did it for me..."How to be more Likeable." BS. I don't give a shit, however, I feel being genuine, compassionate and confident with people you'll be fine.

[@blondwiththewind2598]

I ALSO FELT MISLED BY THE TITLE; but for different reasons. I am an introvert...(lNFJ/empath)...and we can come off as a bit "stand-off-ish" in-person with people we do not know...so l was interested to see what this video had to say regarding the topic as presented in the title of the video. As it is: the video did not really discuss that topic....but l did listen/view the video anyway. I did find the tips about techhniques to use in online video-conferencing very interesting, informative (loved the background history and science related to the topics), and l will be considering utilizing this information with upcoming video meetings. THAT ALL SAID: I DO THINK IT IS IMPORTANT TO ALWAYS USE A TITLE THAT REFLECTS THE CONTENT OF THE VIDEO. Not only did l not find the content I was seeking: but l also would have missed the interesting and very useable content in this video IF I HAD NOT CLICKED ON THIS VIDEO SOLELY DUE TO THE MISLEADING TITLE. Similarly: I suspect the video likely has missed some possible additional views due to the problematic title. I THINK THE VIDEO PROBABLY WOULD HAVE HAD MORE VIEWS IF THE TITLE HAD BETTER REFLECTED THE ACTUAL CONTENT OF THE VIDEO. (Example: "TIPS FOR MORE EFFECTIVE VIDEO MEETINGS IN TODAY'S WORLD"). .

[@julie_273]

Is it rude to take a sip of a drink on a zoom meeting? Perhaps if it's longer than 30 mins?

[@irinearmando6443]

💖😂

[@kittydonovan1452]

How to be more likeable? Stop trying to be liked and giving a f what people think of you ✌🏼 If you like yourself you don’t need others to like you.

[@michaelglynn5856]

Is that Tom Bilyeu's wife?

[@artwithmamafairybreadd]

Yes

[@littlelam3691]

Why isn’t the face a woman wakes up with “her best face?” And why does she need to highlight her “best attributes” (physical), when men seem to be just fine with the face they wake up with? In a professional setting, this just makes no sense. I know that “it is the way it is,” but should we accept it?

[@maimolinar2195]

some men would love to be able to show a better face, just saying! btw they do try too, they shave and groom themselves as much as they can when they want to look professional, and for us, women, highlighting our attributes can be a curse or a blessing, I personally love makeup, and I also love the face I wake up with. But doing something to feel extra pretty is nice, so for me, it is a blessing to have that option.

[@littlelam3691]

mai molinar my point is that to look “professional” it really isn’t much of an option for women. Our wake up face is not considered to be put together enough. Basic grooming is not the same as being expected to paint your face daily. I love makeup also. My point is that since a professional setting is not a date, I should not NEED to highlight my best physical features.

[@hgzmatt]

@@littlelam3691 I'm not sure where you work but it's perfectly acceptable in the industry I work in. I know plenty of young women who don't and it's fine. Mind you they are not the HR/recruiters/facilities ones who always compete with each other. They are the ones doing the work alongside us in the office. It's really what you are willing to do.. there is no real pressure from men. Does makeup make women more attractive.. yes it just highlights their eyes if nothing else.

[@artwithmamafairybreadd]

All you need is lippy , especially gloss...you don’t need anything..as long as you are dressed well, and your hair is done up nice, lippy makes you look dressed up...it’s all you need....especially a neutral lippy gloss...perfect !!!!!

[@Katrica670]

Omg why is this person single asks the single person themselves! 🙄

[@Caroline-rt7qx]

I love Venessa but it was difficult to listen or view the interviewer. She needs to expand her vocabulary beyond “Frekin” and “like”. The biker look and cheap jewelry is horrid. Who can take her seriously. If not for Vanessa Van Edwards, I wouldn’t have watched. The interviewer needs to work on a basic level of professional talk and presentation.

[@lawrenceglerum1916]

Sorry, you should dress a little better than the culture. I am in data. Me wearing a suit or perfectly groomed would not help.