The Tale of Michael Malloy

I used the Smithsonian's account of this as my main reference so if you have some beef about somewhere else giving slightly different details, take it up with them
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Intro and outro song:
"Brandenburg Concerto No. 4 in G, Movement I (Allegro), BWV 1049" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
creativecommons...

[@naka8899]

I like how the plan went from “hey let’s make money off his death” to “aight let’s try using the car. He can’t survive a car.”

[@Andresalex4]

I know right? It's like their motives went from making money off of him to literally just trying to see if they could figure out a way to actually kill him and it's beautiful

[@flynn8845]

xD

[@MemeMachine-po9zo]

And then he survived the car

[@slickman3975]

And came back with no recollection of them running him over…. Twice

[@Person-lk1vs]

huh

[@griffingresge7458]

“Deploy a ploy to destroy that unemployed Malloy” thats bars

[@thebanana9505]

“Shut up”

[@octohen8278]

“Anyways go on”

[@TheOriginalPoopBalls]

Very bojack

[@hazygallowz]

on some bojack shit

[@MinervaButMinurvaaa]

Lol

[@carlwithhats4837]

It’s kinda sad to think that Malloy always came back to the same bar, maybe believing that he was gifted drinks, and that the 3 bar guys hang up with him because they liked him. He probably thought he had drinking pals and then they fricking killed him

[@Mothlord03]

At least he never knew they were behind it. Woulda been worse if the last thing he knew was "they betrayed me" or whatever

[@lollikabosso.w.n7153]

At least his spirit couldve lived in peace laughing his head off

[@longlivegarybusey6409]

Better than being born with a micro penis. Trust me.

[@Luckyroses]

So were all just gonna ignore the fact that they're hanging up with him?

[@sealbeegle9785]

@@longlivegarybusey6409 my condolences

[@detectivetiershower1817]

He gained a life for every person he saved as a firefighter

[@asackboyplush6508]

Yes

[@Dr170]

Canon

[@BillyisAmongUs]

"you, you saved me!" "Silence child, as a drain your life force"

[@Killbayne]

well he should've saved just 1 more and they would've moved on

[@EEEEEEEE]

‎‎‎‎‎‎‎E‎‎‎‎‎‎‎

[@chubbyudder9002]

Humans have two modes. 1. *Slips in the shower and dies* 2. *Gets ran over twice and comes waltzing in*

[@hollowhoagie6441]

We can survive nuclear fallout But oh boy beware of *_Stairs_*

[@foserk7063]

You stole this comment but okay

[@hollowhoagie6441]

@@foserk7063 shush, every meme is stolen, this comment itself is a meme

[@strebicux6174]

900th like

[@AtariWow]

With how I treat my body I'll probably be the first mode

[@oddsock3254]

Killing an Irish man with alcohol. Someone forgot to do their research.

[@lawbringernerf]

odd sock it's 223 likes now (your welcome)

[@maogu1999]

XDDD

[@TheCynicalDude_]

King Gaming It's "you're" (your welcome) Oh wait...damnit

[@FieldMarshalRommel23]

LOOL. I'm Irish and that made me laugh.

[@edgarcardiffscpreadermemes366]

odd sock that and it's ironic Oh wait, it's not, nvm

[@shonklebonkle324]

The dudes: you have a lot of nerve being alive Malloy: i'm pretty sure i don't have nerves anymore.

[@facelessmiasma4664]

Not sure why, but this hit me so hard I nearly choked on my water.

[@maks-tldr56]

@@facelessmiasma4664 so did the car for Malloy

[@thestoryman5706]

Man just pulled a life hack and removed his vital organs from his body so they wouldn't get damaged

[@Year_of_the_Dell]

I feel that

[@magmat0585]

According to Wikipedia, one of his nicknames was legitimately "The Juggernaut". Also, apparently he was so well known to the cops that THEY were the ones who questioned Iron Mike's "death by pneumonia" and had the body exhumed and studied

[@Wildcat12]

The “Juggernaut” title was added as a nod to this video, as were other parts of the article like the motherfucker quote.

[@AceOfBlackjack]

@@Wildcat12 Where

[@dylanpotato8739]

@@AceOfBlackjack wikipedia

[@neobell9511]

@@AceOfBlackjack this may be 3months ago but its literally the 3rd word bruh

[@enigmazero3082]

"I'm the Juggernaut bitch" -Michael Malloy

[@thisissparta789789]

Also, he reportedly told Marino after eating the sardine sandwich that his cooking was first-class, and that he should open a restaurant.

[@kishascape]

That was so mean smothering his face like with gas like that.

[@calebmurray4438]

Maybe he knew and anti-poisoned himself just to piss them off....

[@calebmurray4438]

No wait that’s stupid. He’s just some fucking monstrosity

[@joekerr9150]

@@calebmurray4438 ok

[@jxmn._kxot2611]

@@calebmurray4438 ok

[@ARVash]

The thing they didn't consider with their method of poisoning, is that alcohol is one of the ways to treat methanol poisoning. The man was pickled in the cure while he was drinking the poison.

[@Jjonahlamison]

Alan Ball huh that’s cool

[@ADAJ342]

Neat

[@arqwn4680]

What about the nasty food,

[@ARVash]

@@arqwn4680 no idea, I only know about the methanol.

[@tabitharosefreeman1793]

Interesting fact, thanks for the info 👍🏾

[@franceknop1155]

- Irishman - Kill with alcohol "orb effect does not stack"

[@singeslayer8367]

to quote the video: "Oh, I like that joke!"

[@Jjonahlamison]

Hahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahah

[@orbcat1790]

*DID YOU SUMMON ME*

[@franceknop1155]

@@orbcat1790 *MY BRETHREN!*

[@David-jn1gg]

@@orbcat1790 what reference joke is this

[@OptimusPhillip]

Some extra tidbits not mentioned in the video (courtesy of Wikipedia). In addition to methanol, they also gave him shots of antifreeze, turpentine, horse liniment, and fucking rat poison. Malloy was saved from freezing to death by police, who brought him to a homeless shelter to recover. Apparently, Malloy was a subject of gossip around speakeasies, due to his seeming inhuman resilience. In fact, by some accounts, this is how the murder was discovered: police had overheard rumors of the unkillable Michael Malloy, and when they received word of his death, they got suspicious and dug up his body for examination. By some accounts, there was an additional party to the murder: a Dr. Frank Manzella, who falsely pronounced Malloy dead of pneumonia. After the crime was discovered, Manzella was imprisoned as an accessory to murder.

[@RedTail1-1]

"Wikipedia" yeah... Not where you go for information.. there's a reason you can't use it in college..

[@generalrubbish9513]

@@RedTail1-1 Yes, it's so that the professors can use it to make their presentations instead and threaten to sue you for copyright infringement if you take pictures. Real chem professor I had once.

[@doedante99]

​@@RedTail1-1But you can use it to find more reliable sources of information, since most sources are linked

[@alexlestrange8662]

People: Rasputin the unkillable Malloy: hold my alcohol, antifreeze, turpentine, rat poison, and this funky tasting sandwich

[@austin2787]

Alex Lestrange Rasputin the immortal Russian and Malloy the immortal Irishman

[@simeondoesstuffbg3881]

Tammy Martel The immortal Irishman actually. Malloy I mean.

[@austin2787]

SimeonDoesStuff BG changed, thanks!

[@emberthewolf1297]

Yep. Sans: wtf u eat more than ketchup out the bottle

[@yourgrandaddy1083]

The thing is, Rasputin's case is pure exaggeration and unverifiable, while motherfucking Mike Malloy's durability is a confirmed fact.

[@theCodyReeder]

All the alcohol he drank is probably what kept him from being blinded by the methanol.

[@lir207]

My god, what a find. Immense delight to find a favorite channel enjoying this stuff.

[@koolfoolhost1]

Cody'sLab exactly what I thought, it's ironic how getting drunk can actually save your life

[@dallen3000]

holy fuck, Cody is here. i liked your comment and didn't even realize it was you.

[@Ang3lUki]

Yeah that's actually how they treat methanol poisoning in the hospital

[@arhanbcey7292]

And freezing to death alchol gives you tempreture i think so at least

[@pollall2793]

Trying to kill an Irishman with alcohol is like trying to drown a fish...

[@gingermcgingin1733]

You can actually drown most fish, just put them in the opposite water type (salt or fresh) from what they're supposed to be in.

[@m4tt655]

Ginger McGingin shut up

[@Detahramet]

@@gingermcgingin1733 That doesn't so much kill them by drowning as it does fuck with their internal salt levels, killing them. Putting a freshwater fish in the ocean is like force feeding someone salt. You can, however, kill a fish by putting it in water that is the appropriate salinity but has had all the disolved oxygen in removed, though that is more akin to suffocating someone with nitrogen than anything else, but fuck it, close enough.

[@zlatanibrahimovic8329]

deathtamer666 ah yes water, N2O

[@spring1242]

Fish can drown as long as the water isnt oxygenated

[@stuflu8380]

I like how Sam doesn’t tell us how he survived just to make sure we felt the same way as Marino. He survived the methanol since they’d give him regular alcohol and then after a few shots give him methanol, but ethanol naturally bonds to methanol which makes it no longer poisonous. As for getting hit with the car, two police officers found him soon after and took him to a hospital

[@exotic1405]

Then what the hell was the sandwhich

[@turtlelord8021]

@@exotic1405 just has fuckin strong teeth and strong stomach flesh.

[@bierwolf8360]

ethanol and methanol do not bind - they are just metabolized by the same parts in the liver. Methanol itself is not very poisnous but the enzyme "alcohol dehydrogenase" turns methanol into formaldehyde and then formic acid, which are way more toxic. By having excess ethanol, the methanol is actually prevented from being metabolized and is instead largely passed through. Same goes for the anti-freeze they tried to kill him with too.

[@kattastic9999]

​@@exotic1405probably just threw it up later

[@robertt9825]

@@kattastic9999 Yeah, given that level of alcoholism he was likely throwing up fairly regularly. So the damage POTENTIALLY could have been minimal. (Also don't try ANY of this at home kids)

[@bob69711]

I love how the new animation frame for the word "Irish" is just adding a 2nd bottle of beer to his other hand

[@Off-Brand-Helldiver]

As an Irish, I can back this up as true

[@maisiemaisie123]

@@Off-Brand-Helldiver I agree, I'm Irish too

[@maisiemaisie123]

As an Irish person, I agree with this video

[@4skintim962]

I can also confirm this

[@Bigbaymonstermare]

I love that all of your names begins with “O’”. There’s that joke that goes, “how many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?........none” I kid because I love, Irish are great people!

[@greivoud7113]

You missed a couple of the best parts: After all the booze (even the wood one) he managed to walk in a straight fucking line. Also when they dumped him in the park he survived and another one of the men in the gang caught a cold.

[@joelrobinson5457]

Pretty sure that was a sign of things to come

[@spiko1755]

I still think the silt are joke it the best with the old lady just saying ohh I like that one

[@JohnDolehi]

Dude was saving his fortitude since he was a teenager

[@Glub_glurb]

Haha Infographic Show

[@Emily12471]

@sourcreampringles Or is both Irish and Scottish

[@jerrendrummond7051]

Had me dead when he asked for another sandwich lmao

[@welcometothestream8860]

Imagine getting all of your fingers chopped,and saying "Do that again lol"

[@AxtroLeaf]

Didn't have him dead, though.

[@olliegoria]

That sandwich killed the wrong guy

[@maurice1962]

“Motherfucker asks for another”

[@Voidlingstudiosofficial]

@James Bolton uoy teab em ot ti

[@legitspaghettinoodle5589]

I love the implication that everyone knows about the Hindenburg disaster despite that event being five years in the future

[@stupit467]

I actually feel bad for Malloy, he's just drinking his Acid they poured in to kill him, he takes a nap and they just take him in a room and directly murdered him. That sucks.

[@kirisai]

I mean he died unconsious and after doing what he liked

[@stupit467]

@@kirisai yeah but he can't do it anymore, can he?

[@kirisai]

@@stupit467 still better than feeling pain If he could feel pain after all that

[@BunnyOnASnuman]

@@kirisai up to debate

[@Idontknowyou05]

@@stupit467 Better than getting ran over conscious I can promise you that. Especially since in the story he was dodging the car so he was probably at least a little sober and aware if his surroundings.

[@szentesilazar8144]

-He was an alcoholic *draws a bottle in his hand* -Irish *draws an another bottle in his other hand*

[@sage9662]

i mean he wasn't _wrong_

[@Human-gu2cx]

Szentesi Lázár accurate

[@sadlad1410]

Malloy: **drinks literal poison** Malloy: ight, imma head out.

[@diabetes1191]

Also Big Mick with the Mega d*ck: Aight imma head back in

[@ScroogeMcWill]

bruh as my dinner once said: HELP ME

[@croy1222]

ra ra rasputin..

[@YoungOddo]

bing bong he could preach the bible like a preacher

[@valdemar-q7n]

But he also was the kind of teacher

[@Skipmunk85]

ok something I found out from reading the Wikipedia page is that Sam skipped a few steps between regular alcohol and wood alcohol. the most interesting to me is they tried giving him ANTIFREEZE which he chugged down no problem, probably because all the alcohol in his system stopped it from being absorbed by the liver. This detail might help explain all of the other poisons failing as well Also, the 5 men had a doctor sign the original death certificate and had him buried quickly, but when local police heard he died they were just like "No fucking way THAT guy died" and had him exhumed and reexamined. This was when they found that there was something up

[@Lagonbreezey]

Counter argument, the man was Irish, meaning all science is out the window and his liver is made of solid titanium and has a thirst for alcohol so great that he just doesn’t die.

[@cumcumcum148]

I know for a fact that the antidote for methanol is ethanol. So the idea "It didn't work because he had a lot of alcohol already" isn't far fetched

[@someartist1908]

Tarrare: Mega stomach Ubre Blanca: Mega milk Malloy: Mega Liver

[@lego_grandmasteryoda6874]

Timothy Dexter: Mega luck with business

[@SorowFame]

@@lego_grandmasteryoda6874 merge them all and you have the ultimate lifeform.

[@kahiruo]

Malloy can recover really fast

[@joelrobinson5457]

Man with the immortal liver

[@TamHoang-ck1rd]

@@SorowFame Give them a stone mask with the red stone of aja and we’re all doomed

[@Tsunbanana]

Malloy: f-ing drinks literal death juice Malloy: tasty, another please

[@olliegoria]

They cut the methanol with real alcohol, which happens to be the cure for methanol poisoning

[@skylerkishikawa2327]

@@olliegoria Wait am I stupid what does cut the methanol with real alcohol mean

[@olliegoria]

@@skylerkishikawa2327 They mixed methanol, or wood alcohol, with drinkable liquor, which cures methanol poisoning. Basically they were diluting the poison with the cure.

[@skylerkishikawa2327]

@@olliegoria Thank you for explaining

[@cyrusjohnson2763]

More like "tasty fifty more shots please."

[@1D991]

Malloy: Is murdered. Also Malloy: Y'know what, do that again.

[@MarioIsSoFuckingCool]

Haven’t died yet

[@Rexvivor]

@Mathieu Galante hold up, *what?*

[@grated_lemon5630]

I'm your 1.4000th like

[@ProctasisLimerna]

Marino: Finally, Malloy is dead, we can get that money Malloy: Hey I could use some of that money too

[@lokeypokey9744]

I hear no bell

[@trenthulkinberry7526]

He was runnin that 10 endurance, 1 intelligence build.

[@laughsatchungus1461]

The fact that he drank like 60 shots of pure wood alcohol and didn’t die immediately is literally terrifying

[@lordnilhus1065]

The man could take on Thanos

[@notsodailydiscorddump1610]

He was the peak of life

[@michaelhawkingphd]

Nice pfp

[@herschel3810]

He is irish after all

[@robbert1822]

Irish people is immune to alcohol

[@the711devin4]

“Hello this is the morgue” “Hey... any new bodies come in today?” *hangs up*

[@blakejames9743]

Tarrare will remember that.

[@Great_Olaf5]

Morino family mortuary, you stab 'em we slab 'em.

[@Kpsla]

The most incredible part of this story is how he not only took these attempts on his life like a champ but kept coming back for more.

[@emilymonahan5232]

nice pfp

[@cristhianramirez6939]

He was too drunk to realise what was happening

[@darchandarchan7036]

@@cristhianramirez6939 irish can’t get too drunk

[@visiblecat48623]

@@emilymonahan5232 Nice pfp

[@emilymonahan5232]

@@visiblecat48623 thanks man

[@JohnV33]

You have to feel bad for Michael Malloy, he was basically tortured and given near fatal injuries multiple times. Not to mention he was a homeless ex-firefighter, he likely had a very tough life

[@lostfauna6784]

“Motherfucker asks for another”

[@niko7877]

He is the reason why Guinness World Records was created

[@MrMoney-no8ry]

3:15

[@MrLoger3]

I swear i dont laugh often because of a video.... But this made me cry at 4am, waking the whole neighborhood

[@fizzypebble332]

MrLoger3 sure you did

[@TheSpurion]

Was looking for this!

[@obseed3041]

Maybe Malloy was actually _death_ being bored of his job and planned this elaborate shit to eventually lead the three guys to their shocking deaths.

[@greckles7821]

I want this as a tv show

[@darkyoumemento5307]

Nice. I got the pun at the end there

[@JimmehRulez]

Badunce

[@galaxyofreesesking2124]

you had me until you said "shocking"

[@TimoIvvie]

*UH*

[@48kelvin]

This is a homeless version of rasputin

[@voidc4]

Mom I want rasputin

[@richardgibson8403]

Void Helicopter we have Rasputin at home

[@captainobvious7441]

@@richardgibson8403 Rasputin at home:

[@alpanabhowal6836]

They fricking did it

[@pollall2793]

24kelvin Irish Rasputin.

[@UnemployedMalloy]

Still got the bread crumbs.

[@selepmd3383]

Oh my god it’s him

[@justmaxproductions]

I was half expecting Sam to say something like "after surviving being hit by a car twice, Malloy was shot 5 times with a pistol, he showed up the next day with a limp, finally showing some signs of mortality"

[@beefyblom]

Isn't one of his nicknames the "Irish Rasputin"?

[@bruhbrat9038]

​@@beefyblom russian malloy

[@skeletonbuyingpealts7134]

@@beefyblom Rasputin died as easily as any other man, Mike was a god.

[@michealmalloy1934]

I didn’t hear no bell

[@LS-rp6yq]

Oh

[@ReBlarted]

He was Alcoholic *draws a beer* He was also irish *draws another beer*

[@demondwilson706]

And a former firefighter *pastes Steve Buscemi's head*

[@preludetodemise]

As a proud irishman I am deeply offended he should of had at least three more beers. four if he was catholic

[@ReBlarted]

doctor death defying i couldnt agree more

[@klutz3955]

yeah, way too little for his nationality

[@maxwellmendo2828]

At least he wasn't married.

[@botep5529]

Malloy and Tarrare could be the first members of the weird humans extended universe. Edit* Who woulda thunk my most liked post was about two freaks of nature starting a film series.

[@diolight9450]

Now imagine making a clone from Malloy's and Tarrare's DNA

[@OrangeZ1987]

Roblox Nublet *Jesus Christ no*

[@devilconcrete2699]

The unstoppable force and the immovable object

[@vaxel6873]

Add Timothy Dexter and you got an unstoppable team.

[@LevatekGaming]

Roblox Nublet throw abit of Rasputin DNA in there and you’ve got a literal superhuman

[@alden1132]

The reference to Steve Buscemi when it was mentioned Malloy was a former firefighter is hilarious! Buscemi was also once a firefighter in NYC. He actually went to his firehouse, to work with his old Ladder company as a 1st responder, after the 9/11 terror attacks. He didn't do it for publicity, praise, or attention, didn't tell anyone from the news, or from show business, or anyone that tipnoff the wider world. There is at least one photo of him sitting on the Company truck, though, all of them were covered in ash, soot, dirt, blood (presumably, it was a wide shot), but he never sought recognition. He's a bona fide hero.

[@RedTail1-1]

Everyone knows this..

[@alden1132]

@ That he was a firefighter or that he's a hero?

[@Bonzane]

The quote “deployed a ploy to destroy the unemployed Malloy” is on his Wikipedia page.

[@mrblazeapound7856]

Bonzane lol

[@KingKhanate1997]

So is the “Motherfucker asks for another” quip.

[@DavidLopez-pc7yg]

MadMongol Metalhead they took it off.

[@Burn_Angel]

Death God They only replaced "Motherfucker".

[@qerwerg2341]

They actually mention this video on the page in the "Pop culture" section.

[@Rukir]

with tarrares appetite and michals uncanny ability to drink anything they'd be an unstoppable tag team

[@erin4now]

In the words of Ryback, "FEED THEM MORE".

[@fuzzytheduck]

Add a pinch of Diogenes for intelligence

[@-dash.]

Rukir And the endurance of that "MOAR WEIGHT" guy

[@poke2981]

-Dash. Then have them fuse into a demon love child

[@jackfrager2542]

Please no America would become the new Africa

[@ChickenNuggets-jf5uf]

“He was around 60 years old” *adds wrinkles* “Homeless” *adds background* “Alcoholic” *adds beer bottle* “Irish” *adds another beer bottle*

[@Human-gu2cx]

Chicken Nuggets I don’t see anything wrong with that description

[@nexus8516]

"and a former firefighter" makes him Steve buscemi

[@ihatefortnightgivemeareaso5659]

ᏚᎪᎷᏌᎡᎪᏆ ᏟᏌᏟᏌᎷᏴᎬᎡ Steve was a firefighter back in the 80s

[@nexus8516]

@@ihatefortnightgivemeareaso5659 I heard

[@potatogod975]

@Lisa McIntosh samurai cucumber already said that

[@komi-sanmustbeprotected5665]

Best part is they spent around half of the equivalent to their insurance claim trying to kill him from the costs of the drinks, chemicals, and bribes, also if they'd bothered to pay to have him embalmed properly they wouldn't of gotten caught cause his body wouldn't of had the signs he was gassed to death

[@Tkokat]

I find it kind of wholesome to just picture his ghost laughing his ass off, while his killers are kicking the bucket.

[@theblob2937]

“Amateurs”

[@joelrobinson5457]

Didn't even hold a grudge

[@clockworx7689]

2:42 that is Malloy’s liver to actual scale The man was all liver

[@nickelmuncher]

That's an Irish man for ya!

[@clarissarojas7959]

Just like how Tarrare was all stomach

[@CallenderMan]

Just like the Demoman from tf2

[@darkyoumemento5307]

His man's wasn't Oliver, it was Michael

[@CallenderMan]

Melanie Yadgar eh, a bit of a stretch but I appreciate the dad joke regardless

[@marvelgeek9577]

This story would totally work as an episode of It’s Always Sunny “The Gang commits life insurance fraud”

[@morganjones4910]

Michael reminds me of cricket

[@red__guy]

Too perfect!

[@Doop_A_Derp]

Fooking underated

[@itshammertime4297]

"Mac kills his dad" Bill ponderosa decides to drink himself to death and the gang pull out life insurance on him

[@paolovallejo8022]

@@itshammertime4297 indeed, good eye sir

[@madelrainwater4694]

The "mf asked for another" if my fav part and I ended up watching this month's later and still having a great time with that line

[@reddarrick3921]

top 10 overpowered anime characters

[@Wickerboker]

"The Gang Deploys A Ploy To Destroy That Unemployed Malloy" *THEME MUSIC PLAYS

[@lelgie601]

Jonathan Reyes *too

[@twofeathers7834]

Alpyroll no.

[@lightningstrike6398]

No he's just got that Irish blood in him

[@KosTis]

Za guret depureshon

[@okokisafuckingloser6298]

Thanos: I’m the strongest being in the universe Some random 60 year old Irish dude: Hold my methanol

[@georgy2596]

Apparently, according to a reply, alcohol acts as a antidote

[@datorangutan2696]

@@georgy2596 He was run over by a car twice and froze

[@besquareorbethere2680]

He also ate a sandvich made of rotten fish and carpenter nails. Madlad can survive the snap probably.

[@SharkOSix]

@@besquareorbethere2680 thanos would need to do the cha cha real smooth

[@gairisiuil]

bruh you missed the biggest opportunity to just say "hold my beer"

[@Elzrydo]

The virgin Rasputin v.s. The chad Michael Malloy

[@JustAnotherZoomer]

Rasputin is his past life *big brain*

[@dnolan.]

Rasputin in his current life. Biggest brain

[@antares946]

rasputin (tier 1 ascended brain)

[@anonymousonion551]

Rasputin didn't die, he just evolved into Malloy like a pokemon

[@trashstorage1468]

@@anonymousonion551 Pokémon : Mike Malloy Type: Irish Strength: Alcohol Weakness: None HP: 999999999 Attacks: - Da police: 1/3 chance of instantly knocking out the last Pokémon to attack him - Heavy drinking: Every active Pokémon that has attacked Mike Malloy has a 1/2 chance of becoming asleep Special ability: - Blood of the Irish: Any alcohol type attack on your Pokémon can be absorbed by Mike Malloy. He takes no damage. - Unkillable: Any attack on Mike Malloy has a 95% chance of failing.

[@faithnamer]

3:14 this part always kills me

[@0BucketMask0]

"Motherfucker asks for another."

[@ChristianSandviknes]

That's good, because it surely didn't kill him.

[@VERGILGASM]

It's great because Sam swears so rarely

[@mettatonneo1147]

1:17 “I say we deploy a ploy to destroy that unemployed Malloy.” “Shut up.”

[@frunklebunk]

"...anyway go on."

[@TheMacNilly]

This rhyme scheme impressed the hell out of me lol

[@sebasdavis8081]

Thank you for reminding of that part

[@REMIREZZ]

Reminds me of Bojack Horseman!

[@olehickoryhammike]

Yes... that’s what happened in the video.... what was the point of this comment?

[@GrudgeyCable]

Fun fact: ethanol (alcohol) is actually a remedy for methanol (wood alcohol). It sits in the same receptors in the liver and is broken down into similar enzymes. Hence if Malloy had drank a lot of normal alcohol when or before he drank the wood alcohol it would have had either no or much less effect because those receptors were already occupied by the ethanol. Probably why he didn’t croke than... or he’s just an absolute bad ass take your pick lolz.

[@alexia3552]

Okay it's good to know there's an actual medical explanation because that was too weird to pass over

[@yuckfou514]

Nah. He was just Irish. That's the most logical explanation there. Irish people have alcohol in their blood instead of plasma.

[@GrudgeyCable]

@@yuckfou514 xD

[@azelfdaboi5265]

Man also ate a tack sandwich so he's just fuckin juggernaut

[@someflatsoda9879]

He survived extreme hypothermia, getting run over by a car twice, and took an hour to suffocate on a gas line Malloy was physically indestructible

[@AliAbdullah-iq9xp]

Malloy: eats a sandwich made of rotten sardines and tacks Also Malloy: *”Finally some good f-ing food”*

[@user-pi3hd2bt3f]

How does someone manage to eat tacks and not get impaled at least once

[@funnyguy5618]

@@user-pi3hd2bt3f Bold of you to assume lead can be impaled

[@EvOxDrama]

@@user-pi3hd2bt3f no one can destroy the the koi Malloy

[@Shaun_Jones]

It was actually more than just sardines and tacks. They also added in the shredded up sardine can and broken glass. One unconfirmed source even stated that they put in enough rat poison to kill three men, although I’m not sure I trust that one.

[@MedicMain9]

That's some gourmet shit

[@goblinbabe]

“Oh I like that joke” is the best part of my day

[@jackdamascus4506]

I love how Malloy kept on returning, like he gets drunk, and wakes up covered in ice, shirtless, and just goes right back before ice was melted

[@davemiller638]

@@PotatoeSnow Quite the opposite actually

[@Stickmanzed]

Just another wild night on the town.

[@bulletbill1104]

The virgin bartender vs THE CHAD MALLOY

[@nategthepigeonlord2683]

BulletBill110 I feel like I know you from somewhere

[@PelinalWhitestrake36]

This Comment is fucking legendary

[@pie5916]

He was bitten by a radioactive goose, giving him super powers

[@jurwits5379]

pie5916 oh I like that joke

[@chasesearle556]

Or maybe it was the breadcrumbs.

[@luismelendez5667]

It was a radioactive Irishman.

[@illiminatieoverlordgurglek140]

A goose? More like a radioactive Russian. Or as they're commonly known, Russians.

[@doodlebob-t1t]

4:11 thats an understatement honestly

[@outsidehistorian7436]

A Frenchman, A German, and an Italian are sitting at a bar when an Irishman walks in...

[@olliegoria]

The bar then promptly closed down.

[@konan8182]

At least the German's method succeeded

[@finlandball1939]

@@konan8182 *O o f*

[@kingofthepod5169]

*The Irishman*

[@Galliut]

Frenchman?

[@helpfulhandgrenade1472]

"He was about 60" **makes him look old** "Homeless" **Draws him on a street** "An alcoholic" **Draws a beer in his hand** "Irish" **Draws a second beer in his hand**

[@jarnodatema]

Robo Boi *Makes him look like Steve Buscemi*

[@ethanarial4047]

Jarno Datema yeah? So was Steve buscemi

[@brainfuckcode4990]

@@coromo4978 *Correct*

[@DrBrightIsBack]

@@coromo4978 As an Irish bitch, I can confirm that my grandpa loves beer and other alcohols.

[@tickaten]

Double irish

[@everestismad2560]

"There Are 60 Year Olds Who Bite the Dust Just from One Wrong Step in the Shower, let alone the Force of a Half Ton of Steel going 50 miles an hour" Dang Sam got some bars.

[@calamar1e320]

*BARS*

[@nolanpostal7540]

Right when I read this he said it

[@andresgarza6565]

Lmao thought this was my comment when I saw the pfp

[@XXStrong1]

Watch his accountant rap to see his full lyrical potential.

[@Jerbod2]

Why Do You Capitilise Every Other Word Like This You Fucking Maniac

[@kawaiigirl1482]

After the sandwich I’d just assume he’s immortal 💀

[@bt-7justclowning]

I feel towards the end they stopped caring about the money they just wanted to know if he could die

[@levi042377]

hahahah

[@Carlos.514]

Hahahah

[@Schleepyguy]

Accurate

[@concept5631]

And then they died

[@Dimelo.R]

Michael Malloy A weapon to surpass Metal Gear

[@namingisdifficult408]

Undead Trooper indeed

[@zahhak5571]

This is probably the best comment ever.

[@AzaratheFlea]

"He was an alcoholic, Irish" So you just mean Irish right

[@fcon8507]

Hey, fuck you man...not all us Irish are alcoholics. Plenty of us are perfectly normal FUNCTIONAL alcoholics. There's a big difference.

[@gwensmith7439]

@Masahiro Sakurai wooosh

[@elijahhayes9039]

@@fcon8507 dude it's a joke and if ur so offended why'd u only hate on this dudes comment the vid made the exact same joke

[@fcon8507]

@@elijahhayes9039 I was offended because I was drunk at the time. Might be drunk now too. Fuck you!

[@pinheadlarry1977]

@@elijahhayes9039 it was you who missed the joke dumbass

[@AnthonyHernandez-tr4sl]

We still miss you man. I loved to 2 new videos you put out can't wait to see more. I come back and just rewatch the videos regularly and laugh just as hard. Can't wait to see the next.

[@kermitsewerside]

"and till next time" guess i'm camping here for the next six weeks

[@jacke6054]

kermit sewerside 😂😂😂😂

[@mercury6025]

kermit sewerside you won't be alone my friend. . .

[@samanthaperatsakis6341]

Same

[@Thee_Sinner]

I ruined it; I got like number 667.

[@Radishals]

That profile pic tho

[@Grand-pr6kj]

"We deploy a ploy to destroy that unemployed Malloy"

[@nottoday5773]

“Shut up.”

[@burdy2959]

That line played just as soon as I read this

[@skyjuan9827]

No fucking wonder why he became a firefighter, the dude probably had fire proof skin and with some shots he probably couldn’t even feel it either.

[@TheRoachDoggSr]

The “oh I like that joke” granny kills me 💀

[@williamgomez1903]

Malloy after getting run over twice: “oh no! anyway”

[@coltin1494]

WTF I looked it up on Wikipedia, and Sam O'nella's version is very watered down, here's an excerpt, "To remedy this, Marino substituted Malloy's liquor with antifreeze, but Malloy would continue to drink with no problems.[2][3] Antifreeze was substituted with turpentine, followed by horse liniment, and finally mixed in rat poison.[2][5] Still, Malloy lived."

[@coltin1494]

Also, "Then came a sandwich of spoiled sardines mixed with poison and carpet tacks,[2][3][6] Malloy was fine. "

[@JaggedBird]

Coltin Thorn this is why you should never mess with an Irishman. We’re like the Brits mice; some want us dead and others want to befriend us as a pet.

[@LulitaInPita]

That's a strong ass liver if I ever saw one...

[@ihavekalashnikovyoudomath9275]

Fuck Rasputin, Malloy is the true unkillable one

[@ghostofmisao.]

He's a god

[@visibleconfusion9894]

i need a movie about this

[@AshesAshes44]

The Coen brothers will have to produce and direct, I think

[@sisyphus6055]

Where's MY FUCKING MOVIE?

[@vidblogger12]

It would be deemed too unrealistic. I think this quote from Mark Twain applies here: "Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't."

[@2hiThumbs]

A marvel movie

[@OtakuUnitedStudio]

There's a stage play.

[@vietnamgamer9490]

1:30 that joke lives in my head 24/7. Constantly. 6 years later and I had to hunt down this video and figure out where the hell it came from. Bless you Sam.

[@weaselingrentler508]

a god amongst men

[@piper964]

A men amongst god

[@lelgie601]

Lines And boxes *man

[@namingisdifficult408]

Pew PewAp Hello fellow human

[@katasterr2759]

Pew PewAp cause that's not suspicious at all

[@AQDuck]

The Golden God!

[@asbestosfish_]

There’s a point where you don’t even care about the money anymore, you’re just trying to find out what God, Demon, Eldritch Abomination or semi-omnipotent toy poodle has _this much_ time on their hands.

[@lindylou538]

They just like being drunk

[@hamonthat5605]

"we deploy a ploy to destroy that unemployed malloy". B R I L L I A N T

[@GamerBroMX]

Yes indeed, very Brilliant

[@commentchannel5375]

@@GamerBroMX JUsT LikE oUr SpOnSOr, BriLliant.org

[@basicindiebro]

Bojack Horseman energy

[@keithcreatesmedia6503]

Bars 🔥🔥🔥🔥

[@mrlegoman122]

You’d love bojack horseman

[@user-yr8mu1ce1m]

Fun fact: The band Primus has a 21 second instrumental entitled “You Can’t Kill Michael Malloy” on their first album Frizzle Fry. I was attempting to figure out where they came up with this name, and I found this. I need a Hollywood comedy based on this.

[@entryinvader5340]

“He even had the audacity to walk away straight” they later said

[@legendaryfella3236]

Top 5 overpowered anime characters 5. Fidel Castro 4. Daniel Dancer 3. Giles Corey 2. Tararre 1. Micheal Malloy

[@iainballas]

Where's Shaggy?

[@zug9466]

Iain Ballas Malloy is capable of beating him easily.

[@jacobmichalski196]

Rasputin?

[@legendaryfella3236]

Rasputin is indeed powerful and his ability to survive several gunshots is impressive however it was outmatched by Fidel Castro’s MILK

[@GameyRaccoon]

No diogenes

[@LKNear]

This guy was harder to kill than an anime protagonist

[@namingisdifficult408]

Bazzralic exactly

[@majorblitz3846]

and Once You Finally Kill Him, You Realized all of Your Plan Is Get Exposed and The every Previous Attempt was for Nothing.

[@brandonm3076869]

Nate River thanks for blessing this comment section

[@deadnardo2289]

Nate River He IS an anime character!

[@yaboy2588]

which means hes harder to kill than Natsu fucking Natsu

[@UnderTheLuxury]

Welcome to The Salty Spitoon~ How Tough Are Ya¿ "More Carpet Tacks Please"

[@TheEvilCommenter]

"Hey kids" DEMONETIZED!

[@MrStrepsilz]

TheEvilCommenter He- DEMONETIZED

[@DanielQRT]

so i was just reading the wikipedia article and someone added "Malloy's story was depicted with slight exaggeration on the KZbin channel Sam O'Nella Academy" at popular culture

[@George-zf9oe]

Daniel it’s not tho

[@cesarcasti492]

George 8378 it was, look at the edits. It was removed

[@TheNinja94a]

Cesar Casti Oh, it's there. I got curious and searched up the deployed ploy to destroy that unemployed Malloy, and it's there.

[@George-zf9oe]

Cesar Casti I meant that Malloy’s murder wasn’t exaggerated

[@alyssa7867]

(KZbinr "Sam" of Sam O'Nella Academy posted a video on January 20 2018 by the name of "The Tale of Michael Malloy", a greatly simplified version of the story.)

[@miguelnavarrete2824]

I lost it when he did the cut away to the old lady saying "Oh I like that joke"!

[@zeebeeplayz]

This man is the real life equivalent of that one dnd friend who keeps doing dumb things but succeeding in all his saving throws.

[@helpfulhandgrenade1472]

|Cheat menu| Infinite ammo: Infinite health: ✅ No hunger:

[@mainmenu32]

Infinite livers

[@xX_wiLLiam_Xx]

|Admin Menu| Michael Malloy was banned for cheating

[@Tsuyoshi_Kanda]

@@xX_wiLLiam_Xx nah he just got kicked. If you get banned you're in hell

[@CheezusChrist1776]

Imagine being an alcoholic struggling to/not at all caring about paying your bar tab and all of a sudden one day the owner's like "Don't worry about it. Drinks are on us from now on Mike"

[@Waigwe_Nyoike]

I'd be Hella suspicious lol

[@rentokawaii1216]

@@Waigwe_Nyoike nah, if i was old unemployed alcoholic got nothing to live for, suspicion is my least concerns

[@blenderbanana]

​@@rentokawaii1216Rough Trade?

[@KellenBluestein]

This is like the one-upped version of Grigory Rasputin, and that scene from spongebob where a guy ate a bowl of nails. THIS DUDE BASICALLY DRANK AN ENTIRE BAR, ATE A NAIL SANDWICH, AND WASHED IT DOWN WITH GASOLINE.

[@avalynpoe4441]

WITHOUT ANY MILK

[@__sno__3820]

Does this Bobby character have a song written about him No no he doesn't RA RA RASPUTIN

[@Moonmerism]

The Bibleman he took too bullets to the head

[@KoltiraMemeweaver]

I like this guy

[@Dimelo.R]

Like I said. . . Wait, did I say something?

[@dumbyboi-c1d]

As a former EMT, "alcoholic" and "former firefighter" are two phrases that, sadly, are very commonly associated with one another

[@eeeeegy]

“He was an alcoholic...” -adds a beer “...Irish...” -adds another beer

[@thotland3609]

notorious_lil_pugg love the profile pic 🥰

[@beccauridge1615]

Penis

[@westcrook2718]

*Gets Nuked* Crawls back to the bar

[@thepopulargirl1784]

Hey smooth skin, gimme another drink.

[@themopeyzebraofficial6335]

WestCrook gets sent into space Uses the force to float back into spaceship

[@seyberbuchan2182]

I don’t think that’s how the comment was supposed to look

[@ethanmalcolm6088]

Orders a radioactive keg.

[@oliviah4430]

I wasn’t sure what this video was called and I looked up “Sam o nella drunk man who never dies” and I love how it came up right away

[@ahmetkerematakur4247]

salmonella

[@erinmiller1433]

@@ahmetkerematakur4247 Sam O’Nella

[@SCTG-b1c]

@@erinmiller1433 its a jooooooooooooooooooooooooooke

[@NightlingGaming]

honestly, super depressing that this old man, homeless and alcoholic, thought he had a few friends and it turns out they were actively trying to, and finally did, become his killers.

[@saint1333]

An alcoholic *puts drink in hand* And an Irishman *puts another drink in hand*

[@fadinglight3859]

Landon Wray XD LMAO

[@A_annoying_rodent]

Landon Wray accurate.

[@someguy6651]

That explains it

[@maogu1999]

I know, right? XDD

[@illiminatieoverlordgurglek140]

False, Irishmen do not hold drinks in their hands long enough for the human eye to detect it. FACT.

[@ohlivingtacos8469]

*oh* *i* *like* *that* *joke*

[@Adonis_The_Creator]

If this man had children and his children had children and his children's children had children and his children's children's children had children and his children's children's children's children had children and his children's children's children's children's children had children, the human race would be immortal. These guys blew it man.

[@NobleS1236]

Mario-Adonis Ron he could have had an illegitimate child that no one knew about.

[@haruhirogrimgar6047]

Jesse Hills Welp I guess there is a god walking among us of which we are oblivious to.

[@greenergrass4060]

And inbred

[@andrean-silas1085]

(3:23) The reason he survived that is because shortly thereafter Malloy was rescued by police who took him to a homeless charity where he was re-clothed (Allegedly..)