Timothy Dexter: The Dumbest Rags-to-Riches Story

[@TheBookloverforever]

"The fool didn't know it was impossible, so he did it."

[@simonjoss4000]

According to all known laws of logic, there is no way an idiot should be able to become rich. Its brain is too small to get its fat little ego off the ground. Timothy dexter, of course, gets rich anyway because idiots don't care what humans think is impossible.

[@dilophosaurussk4333]

I like how this could be used to describe da orkz from warhammer lol

[@merp514]

@sleepy devil tf does your comment say

[@bigeteum]

@sleepy devil woosh

[@nqrayback2411]

@sleepy devil bee movie reference uwu

[@nerdgirl28]

My favorite quote in the book: "I meane No hurt to A flie only when he bits me then I kils the flye"

[@nolanimates1595]

Wat

[@captainclasher6459]

@@nolanimates1595 I don't mean to hurt a fly, only when it bites me, then I kill the fly

[@Shaun_Jones]

How do you misspell the same word twice in the same sentence?

[@akrybion]

@@Shaun_Jones I am convinced this man's life was the biggest act of trolling known to history.

[@raimondsstokmanis1892]

@@akrybion I think Diogenes has him beat.

[@Zeruel3]

"Not invading Russia in winter" If Dexter had tried it we'd be talking about Tsar Timothy I right now

[@tardigrade8019]

I believe you are trying to refer to Tiser teMosy te fist? its important to spell it as he would

[@davidj3841]

1. Invades russia in winter. 2. All the clothes manufactures catch fire simultaniously so the entire russian army freezez in the cold. 3.Profit

[@michaelbuckers]

@@davidj3841 By the time you burn anything, the soldiers already have their winter clothes on.

[@Yafama]

Mi 28 a new material with long lasting repercussions was being tested on all soldiers due to its other benefits

[@trinar.s.6550]

1. Start invasion in winter 2. Get to Russia by mid spring 3. Bulk of war happens in summer, russian army is shredded 4. Tsar surrenders, war is won

[@calvinsears1621]

"And this Informer of Deer realized that, for the first time, there were a lot of bucks in Malden." This is pure poetry. What a banger of a line. Sam exists on an intellectual plane beyond our understanding

[@insectoid_creature]

Shakespeare’s ghost absolutely possessed Sam to write that

[@alfalldoot6715]

​​@@insectoid_creature More like Sam possessed Shakespeare when he wrote all his plays

[@nersharific813]

An intellectual plane below Dexter though!

[@yuarentlucky]

@@alfalldoot6715 More like Sam IS Shakespeare.

[@litapd311]

lines that go hard as hell

[@gagewong7251]

The vibe I’m getting from this video: *Man literally too dumb to be poor*

[@DisDatK9]

Gage Wong there is hope for us after all..

[@AhmadHassan-nt4gf]

Or he could be soo smart he just registers as dumb to us regular mortals 😭

[@jalapeno_scumbag]

666th like

[@Stealthsilent1337]

@john Yea no way a idiot can get lucky so many times. He’s probably really smart. He doesn’t give a shit about petty social bs. Also texts can’t capture his character probably

[@calebbarrick1983]

A.K.A “Keeping Up with the Kardashians”

[@absolutenightmare9577]

“For those of you born after 1850” Thanks for giving us thought, Sam. We are too overlooked.

[@jackryan2612]

Shut up, I'm sick of you lost generation brats and your automobiles and radio devices

[@lanceosage1072]

With your Landlines and your dial-up

[@sheepyart856]

LanCe O'Sage and your meerio keers

[@diorsxf]

Sheepy Art and you being young

[@loaf_bloke_will_eat_ur_soul998]

@@diorsxf and your Gameboys and PlayStations😑

[@Jjames763]

Describing Timothy’s two children as “a half-mad drunk” and “a completely mad drunk” is an epic 18th-century burn. Kudos, long-dead journalist!

[@SavageGreywolf]

in fairness if you had Timothy Dexter for a dad you probably would be doing well to only be a half-mad drunk.

[@DisorientedWanderer]

Part of me wants to witness the difference between half mad drunk and completely mad drunk.

[@wisemankugelmemicus1701]

It was the New England Historical Society. So, maybe? Like it's a modern insult but maybe someone said it historically?

[@liamryan7239]

The historical society said that though, so I think it’s a modern place that said it

[@davizitopa7252]

The fact that he would not acknowledge the existence of his wife to others and explain her out as a ghost of some sort is just the best thing I've ever heard. It's like a bit from an absurdist comedy except it happened in real life. It's my new favorite thing in the world.

[@officersoulknight6321]

Not gonna lie the part where he made an entire page of punctuation at the end of his “book” and told people to just stick them in wherever is absolutely amazing

[@takepan631]

imagine him in 21 century, dude will be the best shitposter in the world

[@kayakisaboat9049]

“This informer of deer realized that for the first time, there were a lot of bucks in Malden” A beautiful pun

[@janbruggemann5636]

FUCK HOW DID I MISS IT 4 TIMES

[@Ontspot]

I... it went so over my head, I was thinking like “oh is that an idiom or something” then I saw your comment.

[@ComradeHellas]

Surely there must have been more Celtic than Bucks fans at Malden.

[@bigdog7632]

Wordplay aren’t puns

[@raydan6071]

Kaya Robin I don’t get it... Could you explain please ?

[@sammayson-dobson7866]

"Thay may peper and solt it as they plese" is the best phrase ever and we should bring it back.

[@suzannewalsh3341]

YES!

[@blakebramley9171]

You can really hear the colonial New England accent based on his misspelling of the words he wrote

[@LordBummingtonThe3rd]

It's almost impressive how he spells words both correctly and incorrectly within the same sentence.

[@HashbrownMashup]

God imagine being the guy giving Timothy Dexer all that advice. Like... you viciously try to sabotage his life and he comes back... _richer._ Every time. _And Timothy probably thanked the guy for it._

[@thestoryman5706]

With each horrible investment tip I grow stronger

[@arkesh110]

Imagine if he (the guy giving advice) eventually thought the ludicrous tips he gave Dexter were good, tried a few of em out, and ended up loosing fortunes.

[@HashbrownMashup]

I'd be questioning the fabric of reality if I were that guy. Hell, I'd probably become religious just so I could assume that God was mocking me.

[@yoyu8641]

From his point of view the guy trying to sabotage him is a really good friend who only gives good tips

[@Lysergic_]

sounds like the modern day with dogecoin lmao

[@bobbyb42]

I looked up a digital copy of "A Pickle for the Knowing Ones". It is absolutely incomprehensible. The guy spelled most words wrong, used zero punctuation, and the stuff I could make out still made little sense. His writing skills peaked when he dropped out of 2nd grade and they never got better. Absolutely incredible.

[@peterkerr4019]

you're a truly dedicated alumni to Sam's academy. Well done.

[@1992jamo]

My favourite line is "I waus to make my Enemys grin in time Lik A Cat over a hot puding and goue Away"

[@callmehgiorgia915]

Sooooo he writes like an average grade 9? Got it!

[@callmehgiorgia915]

@@1992jamoTHATS AN EPIC SENTENCE AND I (totally) UNDERSTOOD IT ALL!!

[@bobertochens]

@@1992jamopoetic

[@PraiseTheSunBug]

Timothy: I've been so lonely since Elizabeth died. Elizabeth: STOP TELLING PEOPLE I'M DEAD! Timothy: I can still hear her voice.

[@DajuSar]

I saw what you did there

[@noodlesoup5995]

This reads like a Dilbert comic

[@PlayerZeroStart]

People: *complain about a lack of punctuation* Timothy Dexter: *adds a page of nothing but punctuation.* This is the level of pettiness I strive for.

[@chivasowle286]

Diamond The Hedgehog that might be my favorite part. It’s the perfect rebuttal.

[@TheDeathOrange]

Chivas Owle not forgetting his note to go with it as well

[@fredriks7241]

Oliver Hanson you forgot the punctuation.

[@MsHumanOfTheDecade]

@@theOGLC well, eloquence is something to be strived. aside from that, yo that bitch hella mean

[@dangokitty1288]

@@theOGLC My teacher does the same thing but I don't see it as mean or annoying. I consider my essays to be well written so when my teacher says that "people" is to general I don't see it as nit-picking. Like you said it's probably because they can't find much else to criticise. Maybe it's different with your teacher because my teacher is actually really nice and helpful. I could be wrong tho

[@nong333]

Fun fact: After the success of the warming pan thing, Timothy Dexter decided that this must mean the west indies were actually pretty cold. So for his next shipment, he sent a load of woolen clothes and mittens. By ridiculous coincidence, an expedition, on their way to Siberia, was stopping by at the time. They liked what Dexter was selling and bought the whole stock.

[@KlavierMenn]

.... Sometimes I wonder about destiny and luck. Clearly, Dexter wasn't destined to be poor and his luck was out of charts

[@sgt.mutombo6860]

I can't, I just fucking can't. The odds are too fucking much for any one mind to comprehend.

[@dragongamer364]

god, he was a mary sue and did not know it.

[@vibranium-riprich314]

It was bought by asian merchants in the Caribbean who then shipped it to siberia

[@jeffreykirkley6475]

@@vibranium-riprich314 Okay, this makes more sense. Still, this man has stupid luck.

[@JackHankeAnd]

I grew up in this guy's hometown, about a mile from his old mansion (now mostly demolished and replaced with a public library). I always thought he deserved way more attention - even wrote a play about him in high school (which was truly dreadful). Good to see him getting the attention he deserves.

[@bavarianbanshee]

So, does that mean some of the mansion is still standing?

[@thorinpalladino2826]

@@bavarianbanshee At least 2 of the houses he owned are still standing. One is the public library. It was damages when the YMCA next door burned down and there is a major addition. The other one is a white mansion that is the one mostly associated with Dexter. That one also caught fire during a renovation, but was fixed up.

[@griffinbaker3509]

Can we see the play, please?

[@JackHankeAnd]

@@griffinbaker3509 Absolutely not. It's horrifyingly bad, lol. 17-year-old me had NO idea how to write dialogue.

[@cupwasneverhere]

​@@JackHankeAndI don't care, we need the Timothy Dexter Play.

[@Error-5478]

"Anyone who felt like whining can stick them where they want them" Yeah this man was actually a genius.

[@SherlockHo1mes]

Yung Xeelee plese*

[@JotaroKujo-nj4bx]

He was just trying to cover up the fact he was a Time Traveler

[@Anonymous-df8it]

I would have stuck them in the wrong spots just to be a troll!

[@eevee7663]

OH MY GOD DID YOU WATCH THE EXACT SAME VIDEO AS EVERYONE ELSE AND LAUGHED AT THE SAME JOKE THAT WAS PUT INTO THE EXACT SAME VIDEO THAT EVERYONE ELSE WHO WATCHED THIS VIDEO ALSO SAW OH WOW HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'M DYING AND I AM SO GLAD YOU DECIDED TO MAKE THIS AMAZING TOP TIER NOBEL PRIZE NOMINEE OF A COMMENT, HAIL 2 YOU MF

[@doddermodd]

"They may peper and solt them where they plese"

[@martingonzalezcapriles3569]

plot twist: he made himself look stupid because he didnt want to look suspicious because of his ability to see the future

[@hajimeokajima]

Hmm... He was a Malkavian.

[@lovelyhomeboy2782]

@@hajimeokajima vampire the masquerade reference

[@lonewanderer1328]

@@lovelyhomeboy2782 Go even further beyond, into the world of darkness

[@Vedlom]

@@hajimeokajima Holy shit his biography does sound like a Malkavian LARPing as a Ventrue.

[@notaaronburr3177]

genius

[@Bob-wr1md]

This dude is the very impersonation of: Error: Success

[@GioPotatoes]

Windows Alert Task failed successfully

[@boomstick617]

| Windows alert | Trade: Task failed successfully.

[@smoothkiminal6835]

1000th like

[@BrassWing]

Impersonation? I think you mean to say "personification"

[@Bob-wr1md]

@@BrassWing oh yes, you are right. Sorry, English is my second language. I always thought "impersonation" means "personification"

[@SlamifiedBuddafied]

Timothy Dexter didn't simply have good RNG on birth, the man was clearly RNG encapsulated in a bipedal shell of madness and flesh.

[@jadonstorer2375]

He was the generator for random numbers

[@agentdoggo6085]

RNGesus really did bless the man

[@michaeld7945]

Dude took all his skills points and invested into luck

[@wandsofpage]

Strength: 1 Perception: 1 Endurance: 1 Charisma: 1 Intelligence: 1 Agility: 1 Luck: 11 Perks: Idiot Savant

[@petrsukenik9266]

Moron perk

[@Cheasle2]

Intelligence: 1d4 (-5)

[@whistlerdan7718]

Barter 101

[@markcrawford5810]

Congratulations this is actually funny./not sarcasm

[@youreverythingchannel9490]

Luck is infinite.

[@alienworm1999]

you forgot to mention his exploits in the East Indies, where he hauled a ship's worth of mittens to Thailand and sold them to Portuguese merchants who happened to be passing through on their way to China

[@m.rsoda-can1868]

instead of being a merchant he could have started gambling and still will make a lot of money

[@thedeliveryboy1123]

when you out-sam the o'nella

[@stealthkyro1531]

Logan 1500th like btw

[@ericsilver9401]

@@stealthkyro1531 who asked?

[@stealthkyro1531]

Eric Silver awfully nice of you to care enough about a comment to put a reply

[@LordeFish]

This man is the real life equivalent of when you make a joke character by bombing all your stats into luck and it ends up, ironically, becoming your most successful build

[@xenomang3149]

Old Man Henderson, is that you?

[@OtakuUnitedStudio]

@@xenomang3149 "That's the ugliest damn poodle I've ever seen." -Timothy Dexter looking at a cat, probably.

[@Pihsrosnec]

Timothy is the real life embodiment of the 'idiot savant' perk from fallout 4 then?

[@xenomang3149]

@@OtakuUnitedStudio MUCKLED DAM WIFE! 'AIR EH NAGGLY BE KEEPIN' ME MALDEER?

[@ShadowNinja452]

Holy shit I’m having Fallout 1 flashbacks

[@seminVdemin]

he so delusional he gained plot armor 💀

[@theanonymouswayz3566]

I’ve read A Pickle For The Knowing Ones. I’ll have you know I’m a lot smarter having read it. Before I read it I was a nobody working a 9-5 like everyone else but when I read it all of the sudden everything around me turned to gold and the neighbor down stairs turned into a maid. I live in luxury now Thank You Timothy Dexter!

[@iamme2739]

Lol

[@sumvs5992]

But yoo ar stil yoozing puncchooaishun so you clerly didunt understannd thu buk wel inuff

[@theanonymouswayz3566]

@@sumvs5992 ,,,,,,,, ......... !!!!!!!! ???????? ''''''''''''''''''' ::::::::::::::::: //////////// ------------- ======== ________

[@kellyjohnson8430]

@@theanonymouswayz3566 🤣🤣

[@miguellgeorge9869]

I Am from The younited stayts an I am Very rich

[@jayschalla5929]

“wait a minute... share... skill” "Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga Yoda death noise"

[@Billyjoe78517]

Jay Schalla 😂😂

[@gedgemondod8808]

My fav part

[@jaygryska317]

FUCK I knew I knew the yell

[@fenton2986]

Channeling his inner Sir Pelo

[@far0145]

I always kill Yoda intentionally to laugh at the death sound lol

[@mothnightingale7004]

the long, sudden pause after he says “the greatest philosopher in the western world” is what really sells it for me

[@eevee7663]

OH MY GOD DID YOU WATCH THE EXACT SAME VIDEO AS EVERYONE ELSE AND LAUGHED AT THE SAME JOKE THAT WAS PUT INTO THE EXACT SAME VIDEO THAT EVERYONE ELSE WHO WATCHED THIS VIDEO ALSO SAW OH WOW HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'M DYING AND I AM SO GLAD YOU DECIDED TO MAKE THIS AMAZING TOP TIER NOBEL PRIZE NOMINEE OF A COMMENT, HAIL 2 YOU MF

[@whyiseverysinglehandletaken2]

"Money goes up, Dexter's laughing."

[@louyeey4022]

*greatest felosfer

[@Visceral2096]

@@louyeey4022gratest felosfr actually, as seen in line 1 of “A pickle for the knowing ones”

[@StarKatGaming]

So good that I got an ad afterwards

[@TimothyDexter247]

Timothy Dexter's memoir is the epitome of when teachers say "you don't know how to spell the word? Sound it out"

[@kabobawsome]

This man has a 1 in every stat, but a feat that lets him take 20 on literally every roll he makes.

[@SavageGreywolf]

he's playing Fallout with a 1 in Intelligence and a 10 in Luck.

[@VulpesFidelis]

@@SavageGreywolf …and that's all you need. Ain't both worlds grand?

[@tinycockjock1967]

Min-maxing is a viable strategy. It’s called a build and he went with the “Blissful idiot” build

[@Perrirodan1]

@@VulpesFidelis Don't they say" It's better to be lucky than good"

[@guyman9655]

Legit. Man's crit rolled on litterally every life skill check

[@guardosha73671]

Imagine being the “informer of deer”, then finding out that there are no deer in Massachusets.

[@brooklynpayge4221]

"Well this makes my job a lot fuckin easier"

[@AxxLAfriku]

Imagine being the best KZbinr of all time yes that's what it's like to be me

[@Toki_the_Sponge]

It’s a life changer

[@jacobms911]

Plenty of time to consider how impressively fucked up it is that they managed to kill every last deer in Massachusetts though

[@BenBike]

I see deer all the time in Massachusetts. Just saying

[@PingasMonkey3rdClass]

Strength: 0 Perception: 0 Endurance: 0 Charisma: 0 Intelligence: 0 Agility: 0 Luck: 10

[@gh0rochi363]

Luck: 100

[@hadriandwyer2191]

"Not what I would have chosen for ya, but hey, it is what it is"

[@leothebackgroundsheep3010]

In base 1 000 000 000

[@jakubrejzekjunior7349]

Where did he spend the remaining 25 stat points? I think he has found hidden perks in the starter menu.

[@hadriandwyer2191]

Wild Wasteland level 25.

[@helikaon5]

Im related to this man, and my grandma has an original copy of the book. His foundation contacted me at one point trying to set up a database of relatives or something. anyway, he was wild lol

[@itscooldawgdonteventrip]

Very Wild lol

[@pokepoke1889]

What happened to that

[@mustbetheSUN]

Commenting just in case some of that family luck will rub onto me

[@bavarianplaguedoctor]

One of the substitute teachers at my school is allegedly related to the winner of the last civil war in England, Oliver Cromwell

[@Arcademan09]

Yeah I'm gonna need an update, this man is a legend

[@codeine69]

he added a page of just punctuation so people who complained could put it there themselves im crying this man is the embodiment of built different

[@shaundouglas690]

He ain't built different he built stupid

[@Kallixede]

@@shaundouglas690 Man too stupid to stay poor, becomes millionaire

[@sanjaymatsuda4504]

"Think different" - Timothy Dexter

[@unit-0123]

"fouder mister printer the Nowing ones complane of my book the fust edition had no stops I put in A Nuf here and thay may peper and solt it as they plese"

[@kyledadumb4354]

@@shaundouglas690 constructed in an unorthodox fashion.

[@tashkent561]

Can't tell if he made the page filled with punctuations to be a troll or because he genuinely thought it was what the publishers wanted

[@optimisticwatermelon]

Probably both.

[@Jaymac720]

*y e s*

[@phd-lc7fv]

My guess is, he thought he was smart, he got angry when got told otherwise, threw a hissy fit

[@Shadowknght949]

@@phd-lc7fv that sounds about right. He did shoot at someone to change their sign afterall.

[@elecric]

where did you get the pfp Before that was an ahegao lol

[@wanderinghistorian]

this man was a f***ing legend can you imagine turning in an English paper with a bunch of punctuation marks saying, "put these where you want them" LOL

[@korfrag6865]

“I put in A Nuf here and thay may peper and solt it as they plese“

[@user-mg7wh8zq6v]

He's truly an inntellliegend falla

[@deemcgann1695]

you mean "put thes wer u want dem"

[@basicallyhowto4108]

Alpha move

[@w_ldan]

He is basicaly the "stonk" guy

[@valmid5069]

*Hilariously lucky, he’s basically if Homer Simpson and Forrest Gump are combined to one person*

[@uguook]

Imagine if the guy giving advice, eventually thought the ludicrous tips he gave Dexter were good, tried a few of em out, and ended up losing his fortunes.

[@concept5631]

That would've sucked.

[@exotic1405]

Actual cartoon plot-line

[@elenazonia9325]

The business equivalent of Wile E. Coyote

[@notusingmyname2634]

I mean a few of them genuinely were good ideas like buying all the whale bones and sending cats

[@gigabuck9091]

@@notusingmyname2634 imagine a drunk conversation 'hey you know what you should do, you should round all the straycats and sell em off to the carribean'

[@flop645]

The page filled with punctuation marks is honestly a pretty smart joke

[@nondescriptusername3665]

That's a fucking boss move

[@NeedForMadnessSVK]

Absolute power move. What a Chad.

[@SI0AX]

@@Maxistential He meant that it was a good joke as in Dexter trolling the people who negatively criticized his lack of use of punctuation. So he just put all the punctuation randomly at the end.

[@ck7993]

e

[@ck7993]

pfp

[@Lone_Rocket]

This man could literally never fail. Its actually astonishing.

[@vulekv93]

If he was born in the 80s he would have been POTUS by now

[@Requisiem]

@@vulekv93 Wait a minute...

[@dreamdesk7258]

vule you could just say the president

[@squirlmy]

@@vulekv93 it's a requirement to be over 40 to be President, so not 80s. I think you mean if he was born in the 40s!!!!! Wait a minute...

[@clinton8421]

@@squirlmy To be 40 or over, you would need to be born in 1980 onward.

[@dusannestorovic5699]

This man had such a warped perception of reality that the world around him actually started warping as well to his advantage

[@AYVYN]

🗿

[@Lazare7782]

Bro became an ork from 40k

[@firewolfcaves]

So this is where the phrase “dumb luck” came from

[@bobman4223]

Quite literally.

[@bobman4223]

Honestly watch KoRn-Evolution and tell me who they're talking about as the bottom of the totem pole. We all got shit to do. "Enjoy the gift."

[@emilandersen8804]

@@bobman4223 ?

[@arandomuser9459]

Yup.

[@chloeprice9649]

Fun Fact: 'A Pickle for the Knowing Ones' is readable in it's entirety on Project Gutenberg, complete with the random capitalization, amazing spelling, and last page full of punctuation in case anyone is wondering

[@hugo57k91]

Oh my god I can't, and people somehow bitch about society nowadays

[@chloeprice9649]

@@hugo57k91 Huh?

[@farkbett699]

@@hugo57k91 You ok man?

[@antekknapek4635]

@@hugo57k91 wuh?

[@Golden_Pig64]

@@hugo57k91 come again?

[@thatmaninthevan3858]

So Dexter was definitely lucky, but a lot of what made him rich was sending things to places that had never seen any. No one else would think to send stray cats to anyone, but when they’re sent somewhere with no cats, they become the only source of a new commodity.

[@jadonstorer2375]

It's why marketers try so hard to find untapped markets, it's way easier to do business with someone that hasn't had the chance to do it before.

[@zzzetww4968]

Yeah, but that wasn't the case with sending coal to Newcastle

[@notusingmyname2634]

really sending cats places to anywhere with rats is kind of a good idea

[@toastedt140]

​@@notusingmyname2634ground nesting birds probably disagree

[@chicagotypewriter2094]

@@toastedt140 agreed fuck feral cats

[@GoofySnoobertWasTakenSomehow]

Now that he's back, it's time to binge every single video again

[@Jupa]

Lmao that’s why I’m here too 😂

[@Gabe-Fox]

We are here with you brethren!

[@mirjanbouma]

Same!

[@rebel6301]

agree

[@tamsuemomwife]

Name makes sense

[@bruno959]

i love how this guy completely lived in his luck-bubble and never got exposed to the unfair and real life. He lived the best life.

[@georgy2596]

His life was unfair, his luck was too high

[@edelen1991]

Every era has a Trump

[@xavierrodriguez2463]

@@georgy2596 yeah, unfair to the rest of us

[@678crazydave]

@@edelen1991 found the atheist

[@grillygrilly]

David Atkinson What is wrong with being an atheist?

[@Ganerrr]

"an entire page of punctuation" LMAO THIS DUDE THIS DUDE

[@CatchTheMarmosets]

Thats dexter for you

[@logando3305]

Yeah he really showed them and he was an absolute legend he is just really smart isnt he he isnt as stupid as he looks ....... (fill them in yourself)

[@canadariots1139]

this is a stupid comment

[@melanie5403]

378 67 107

[@Fivzk]

----////////::::::::;;;;;;;;(((((((())))))))””””””””................,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,????????!!!!!!!!’’’’’’’’~~~•••+++

[@Overlord99762]

"He sold fish and porn" such a wonderful lifestyle

[@cougarhunter33]

And fish-scented porn.

[@Overlord99762]

@@cougarhunter33 mmmmmMmmm

[@autobothilt7864]

Fish-Scented like your mom

[@Overlord99762]

@@autobothilt7864 Aight that's where I draw the line, bud

[@Cybrtronlazr]

@@Overlord99762 he isn't lying, it was disgusting last night

[@nosorab3]

"Dexter made sure to surround himself with the requisite number of weirdos to maintain this level of delusion." This sentence explains the entourages you see surrounding celebrities and trust fund babies perfectly.

[@ajorsomething4935]

"They may peper and solt it as they please" what a legend

[@joekennedy4093]

*plese

[@ilkkarautio2449]

He rules, im going to do that too! Fuck grammR, its mine now!

[@kamrongoolsby3444]

After watching this and reading “A Pickle for the Knowing Ones” including the poem he wrote about himself, I’ve come to a conclusion. This man is my fucking hero. A great philosopher once said, “there is grat minds & Littel minds grat sols & Littel sols grat minds & littel minds” Clearly Timothy Dexter was one of those grat minds.

[@jdavis7993]

Ther gr8 minds, n litl minds

[@wriestduke8043]

Possibly the gratist mind

[@HonkeyKongLive]

There's also a strong case to bed made that he intentionally wrote it terribly just as a middle finger to the educated elites he hated so much. Like a lot of that bad spelling would almost take more thought to come up with.

[@etiblmca9267]

@@HonkeyKongLive I'm guessing "A Pickle For the Knowing Ones" just means "Trolling the people who condescend me as they think of themselves all high and mighty."

[@TheV-Man]

Reading more about him, I don't think he was as dumb as he let on...

[@fluffiddy6515]

Can we have Forest Gump? “We have Forest Gump at home.” Forest Gump at home:

[@akrobeau]

Forrest*

[@xhypeinferno8883]

akrobeau be quiet ugly

[@itwasntmeemtnsawit3509]

@@xhypeinferno8883 be quite ugly

[@ballboys607]

@@funnydummy3701 fuck off

[@trod146]

Come up with something original you lazy tard

[@bartudundar3193]

Timothy Dexter was universe's way of correcting the impact of Diogenes.

[@agentdoggo6085]

Yeah probably

[@royalblanket]

"What do you wanna be when you grow up?" "Informer of deer"

[@somerandomguy___]

“Informer of deer in a place that doesn’t have deers”*

[@Gloomdrake]

Some random Guy *deer

[@robertvillafan1220]

Beer* 😂

[@sirblankface7607]

"Ok so as a deer you're supposed to stand it this tree clearing, eating grass. Every so often you have to look up and scan your surroundings, but if you hear rustling in the bushes, you gotta run off because you're supposed to be afraid of everything. Also, if you're ever on a long stretch of road at night and see a car driving through, you have to either stand right in front of it or run directly in its path, you can't wait off to the side. Don't ask me why, just do it!"

[@KikitheCascadian]

That's pretty close to what I actually wanna do

[@EsteemedReptile]

'A Pickle For The Knowing Ones' is, in my opinion, the worlds first shitpost.

[@brovid-19]

iono, ever read the bible?

[@ihatepower4580]

The Greeks, like a chicken letter joke

[@diedoktor]

You clearly haven't read the graffiti in pompei before. "Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men's behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!"

[@Bee-li8ox]

@@diedoktor Came here to say this! 😂 And let's not even get into the Secundus shitting off the water tower shenanigans

[@karelpgbr]

For real

[@liahuribe2126]

“Jonathan sold fish for a living...and porn” He is living his best life

[@liahuribe2126]

Σאgßと i didnt need this but like, cool

[@13Rats]

I now finally see what I want to be when I grow up.

[@zadthebard5740]

@Jace James What does Brazil have to do with it?

[@shadowling77777]

What’s the difference

[@Garchomp808]

I may need a link

[@jamespeck4840]

I bought “A Pickle for the Knowing Ones”. It’s a pretty insane read. The sheer luck of this dude is staggering

[@OtakuUnitedStudio]

You can get it for free on Gutenberg Project

[@headintheclouds6935]

"There were a lot of bucks in walden" Well done Sam.

[@Dorf274]

Glad to see someone else appreciating that zinger.

[@sirmount2636]

Very clever.

[@soulfie8050]

Thomas Vorm I dont get it ;-;

[@slugsrainworld]

@@soulfie8050 bucks as in deer

[@orw824]

stopped mid video to find this comment

[@junoguten]

"Wait a minute, share, skill" "It's ya boi Raid: Shadow Legend"

[@patio123]

“Just kidding I’m not a shave out THIS VIDEO IS SPON*gets shot*”

[@yaboi6006]

junoguten no it’s me

[@junoguten]

Wow, did I make top 5 comments on a Sam Onella video?! Hi mom!

[@vincenthernandez7819]

its an rpg pvp on pcp, for people with adhd, OMG

[@notsurewhy3263]

@@junoguten yuck

[@darkmega97]

This man was actually delusional enough to bend reality to his will

[@ashantinyongo7632]

He was *dense* enough

[@jasonng04]

Ashanti Nyongo Bending space time with his density

[@Androidonator]

Car Red car fast

[@0whatman]

a true shonen protagonist lmao

[@DuckcuD]

this man was a 40k orc

[@AdanMorales-d1t]

He's such a great felosfer. This entire video in a nutshell: Money went way up, Dexter's laughing.

[@yitivitzen5239]

He’s the kinda guy who would’ve gotten rich from selling pet rocks.

[@JackSilver1410]

Nah, that was Cecil Rhodes.

[@bentonrp]

He's the studio behind the Transformers movie franchise of the late 18th century.

[@batrachian149]

No, he's the kinda guy who would've gotten rich from *buying* pet rocks.

[@bentonrp]

@@batrachian149 Lolol! 🤣

[@brovid-19]

unlike the guy who got rich by selling pet rocks.

[@krimsonfel3676]

Timothy Dexter: “Reality can be whatever I want.”

[@thepopulargirl1784]

Also T Dex: "I am inevitable."

[@ohitsstar1241]

Townspeople: “We’re about to end this mans whole career” Timothy Dexter: “No”

[@dhruvpawar3733]

he has the reality stone. thanos is behind im

[@Stealthsilent1337]

@octo lol extactly that’s so funny

[@robynballew5792]

Dhruv Pawar I got that reference 😂

[@pyoxydoge2566]

My parents: "Oh come on, nobody got rich because of pure luck! You just need to put in more effort." Timothy Dexter:

[@rizzlehizzle]

I mean, it does seem pretty hard to argue that the effort wasn't there

[@mrkitloin]

People who gamble and actually win:

[@TONOCLAY]

@@rizzlehizzle yeah it sounds like he did put alot of work in TBH even if the work normally wouldn't have worked he managed to get lucky and it did work

[@masterimbecile]

You, my son, shall inherit all the figgy pudding.

[@cadenr06]

Allow me to introduce myself

[@Gaster_Undertale1337]

I love that when dexter’s elites tell him what he should do, he stares off into space with the most astonished look on his face, as of the secrets of the world has just been revealed to him.

[@darkninjacorporation]

I’m beginning to think Dexter was a time traveler who used his knowledge of labor strikes and currency values to make it big

[@joe-ke7pu]

Still doesnt explain the bed warmers.

[@somecallmeelvis]

He probably built in his laboratory

[@gytuj6722]

@@joe-ke7pu magic

[@ginnrollins211]

Kinda like what Biff Tannen did with the Sports Almanac in Back to the Future Part 2.

[@ey8648]

'-'

[@clockworx7689]

We need Taika Waititi to direct a Timothy Dexter movie, called “A Pickle for the Knowing Ones”

[@spookscary8169]

Mr. E start a partition

[@cailleach8416]

Y E S

[@miketrujillo3677]

It would destroy the box office

[@alanjohnson9769]

@@miketrujillo3677 if it's about dexter, it will

[@Life4Metalcore]

He could reuse the “piss off ghost” line too

[@considerthetubes2864]

*”you, my son, you shall be the one with all the figgy pudding”* -RNGesus

[@frenchsoldier8485]

To this day, I ask myself: what the Hell is figgy pudding?

[@heathbar9617]

THE VOICE

[@gatorpog9752]

French Soldier well it’s quite simple figgy pudding is figgy pudding

[@frenchsoldier8485]

@@gatorpog9752 what is figgy?

[@gatorpog9752]

French Soldier it’s a nickname for a fruit called a fig

[@GuLolo]

I am very thankful for this video. It helped me a lot. I used it as an example during my final oral exams in highschool and I have got 100%. Thank you Sam and thank you Timothy. Your illiteracy gave me maximum points

[@HufflepuffShortie]

"wait a minute, is he...smart?" My exact thoughts at that point lmaooo

[@miketrujillo3677]

@elijah mikle not trying to be rude, but you're clearly wrong as youd be rich too as it's not rocket science, otherwise you might not be commenting on KZbin like other broke untermensches

[@Darui]

Mike Trujillo he’s not really wrong. It might be a simplification but the bottom line is that if you have a lot of money, it’s easy to make money afterwards. For a lot of people even if you have a brilliant idea or great work ethics, you don’t get rich because you don’t have the capital.

[@kirinyardberry1324]

@@miketrujillo3677 Capital is one of the most valuable assets in the world, you could argue it is more valuable in some cases than liquid funds.

[@leirawhitehart1236]

Man, this sounds like movie material to me. With all the historical dramas we got, it'd be nice to have a historical comedy. Edit: oh wow, only two days and 6.2k likes!? Thank you so much! Also thank you for your recommendations for "The Death of Stalin", I might check it out some time!

[@XalphYT]

Leira Whitehart It would be a true-life Forrest Gump.

[@dasdasdus]

Munchausen is also a good choice

[@NimsChannel]

Never seen someone beg for Kate & Leopold.

[@averagejacobinsubscriber]

I know of one Historical comedy. See death of Stalin. Great film.

[@101Volts]

I wonder what music would fit for the memoir writing scene.

[@codypainter3905]

Can I get a ten hour loop of RNGesus saying “all the figi pudding”

[@centristcommisar7828]

Cody Painter 0:29 There ya go!

[@FancyJackKester]

"drooling little loaf child" has become my default description of street urchins in DnD

[@bukowskifamily7728]

@@centristcommisar7828 0:32

[@iacopoguidi7871]

for all of us not muricans or englanders, could somebody explain wtf figi pudding is? pretty please?

[@JennKirkland]

Iacopo Guidi so as far as i know no one eats it anymore but it was this stuff people would eat around the holidays and it was a sort of pudding. [also *figgy]

[@catalin2766]

The man was literally a real life 40k ork. He believed to be a genius businessmen so reality bent around him to make it true! Bloody hell

[@EmperorNapoleon1815]

Absolutely true! His WAAAGH! energy is off the charts!

[@lou8215]

"I meane No hurt A flie only when he bits me then I kils the flye" -Timothy Dexter

[@dopaminecloud]

"I only mean to say that there is never a reason for aggression until I have been specifically slighted." -Dimothy Texter

[@ricsan6120]

Fly is kil

[@ryanhernandez1877]

@@ricsan6120 no

[@big_doinks3038]

Bars.

[@abandonedchannel2819]

"But Spyders I Wnt to beet with Pan becas thy Beg spoki and Thy beg Ugli And Am no Lik the Spyders" -Also Timothy Dexter

[@warmwater8498]

"He sold fish for a living... and porn." *_It ain't much, but it's honest work._*

[@piggip869]

hey that porn selling fish merchant is the best damn poet a man can find!

[@okok...ok.]

Hell yeah

[@daffawaffa]

"There's only one business in the galaxy that could possibly get you this rich"

[@NuDavai]

I was the thousandth like

[@derekwang2215]

fish4hoes.com

[@platygetzkillz2144]

I think GameStop did some praying to Timothy Dexter this year

[@callmeanon660]

Definitely

[@blockbreaker8839]

Don’t forget AMC

[@fivecartierbracelets]

@@blockbreaker8839 AMC this AMC that when AM i gonna C sum titties

[@Jas13579]

@@fivecartierbracelets are you okay ??

[@covertautumn]

Don’t we all?

[@julietterichard7642]

6:08 "this year, i lost my wife - stop telling everyone im dead ! - sometimes i can still hear her voice" kind of energy

[@homeygfunkoffacherryfruitl4971]

The thing that amazes me is that from the sound of these stories Dexter didn't really have any buyers lined up beforehand, he just shipped a fuckload of product and someone was just at the dock like "Yeah I'll buy it."

[@isaactrockman4417]

Multiple times

[@tsm688]

just how incompetent was the rest of the world at trade when timothy dexter was the one to plug the gap

[@Sumschmuck]

This guy is the absolute embodiment of the Stonks meme

[@tqser]

He even writes like Meme Man!

[@squid-chan5472]

STONKS

[@micmikeman6865]

Timthy dxtr

[@1977janey]

I’m yes s t o n k d e x t e r

[@Hosterofdarest]

Facts

[@stormysamreen7062]

Historians agree that he was in fact the second living meme in history, beaten only by Diogenes.

[@cerridianempire1653]

yup

[@sergeantrainstorm1269]

Nah Diogenes doesn’t hold a candle

[@koghs]

How about the man who created the South Sea Company?

[@SWAT6809]

The difference, Diogenes was a smart weirdo. This dude is utter nonsense to everyone.

[@rolebo1]

@@sergeantrainstorm1269 but he did hold a lantern

[@cosmosveil9355]

Timothy Dexter- the most pure specimen of a sigma male in recorded history

[@1406house]

I look at “a pickle for the knowing ones” and one of the genres is “humor”

[@birisuandrei2866]

Lol

[@aroobism]

Lol

[@birisuandrei2866]

@@aroobism you copied my comment, I'm going to sue you

[@aroobism]

Birisu Andrei actually I speak mexaconian

[@emilie6466]

Lol

[@dingdongdilliam6651]

"You, you my son, will be the one with all the figgy pudding." -RNGesus

[@salsadamonkey]

,2020.

[@kodinamsinh3233]

@@salsadamonkey no this was 2019

[@MilesBound]

@@kodinamsinh3233 shut it

[@nbaclips4040]

It’s literally suck in my head

[@jakovhrga5619]

@@kodinamsinh3233 nope

[@TumblinWeeds]

Sam: “hey kids” How brave. I was fully expecting to hear “hey fully grown adults and mature teenagers above 13”

[@fredrickreloaded4488]

No way anyone is going to mistake this for family friendly content

[@Mileshuh]

This is very family friendly content -Animated -Informational -Could appeal to children because literally anything can -Sam literally says "hey kids" haha ignore all that swearing though

[@burnknuckles5906]

i'm a 24 yo kid.. everybody is a kid.

[@mrsexy5680]

Coppa: A crime has been commited

[@Akaryusan]

Wouldn't be surprised post coppa his motto changes to hey peeps

[@chasjetty8729]

The upper crust pie face makes me smile. Every. Single. Time.

[@juliotzoc3846]

"You know i'm something of a felosefer myself"- Timothy Dexter

[@falpsdsqglthnsac]

*felosfer

[@Anonymous-df8it]

More like: "yoo nOw uim Sumthing ov a feloSefu muiSelf"- timEthi ecKsteu ;'.;..;'#!*"&&^%$!$&*;>{}/.~¬¬`//'

[@Lleanlleawrg]

His life seems like a spiffing brit playthrough of the sims.

[@kahlzun]

America in the 18th century is perfectly balanced..

[@bamboozledduck9096]

The only thing missing is jim pickens

[@Solon1581]

All we have to do is to buy as many of these worthless continental dollars and wait for a while. Then ladies and gentlemen, W E C A N B R E A K T H E G A M E .

[@Stiefschlaf]

Somehow it feels so very fitting he's mentioned here^^

[@Yvolve]

@Stormwind He didn't buy those Continental Dollars, he simply duped them a couple of thousand times. Hmmmm, perfectly balanced! It just works.

[@BlackPawn14]

A couple more of Mr. Dexter's businesses exploits, going off the Wikipedia page: In the same vein that he was told to sell warming pans in the Caribbean, he also attempted to sell wool mittens as well. As it's Mr. Dexter we're talking about, he happened to catch a group of Asian merchants on their way to Siberia, who bought them off him. He also attempted to sell gloves in the South Sea Islands (aka Polynesia), and his merchant ships happened to run into Portuguese sailors, on their way to China. They bought the gloves, adding another successful business enterprise to the list. Also, he tried to export Bibles to the East Indies, which were largely non-catholic. Fortunately for him, missionaries in the area needed them, too.

[@callmewaves1160]

God, can I conjure the spirit of this guy. He had that law of attraction/manifestation down pat

[@AuroraIceFlame]

3:03 the pause afterwards is so perfect sam is a comedic genius

[@M-1996A1]

I never thought I’d be laughing at a mans spelling over 200 years after he wrote it but here I am. I just caught that his memoir was only 20 pages long and that is almost better than the spelling.

[@ViewingChaos]

20 pages- I don’t think I could read just one with that kind of bad spelling...

[@amandataylor1432]

“Pickle for the Knowing Ones” > “My Immortal”

[@alecity4877]

If it was written by someone with a brain of course it is better than my inmortal, but have you read B1terman?

[@Jayce800]

"Pickle for the Knowing Ones" > "Twilight"

[@justinvaughn2277]

"moses was but A man and Aaron thay had sum devel like my selfe" he literally compared himself to biblical prophets

[@FBI-real]

hi my name is ebony darkness dementia raven way

[@geekdivaherself]

@@justinvaughn2277 ...and way early anticipated the selfie! Only off by one letter _I._

[@emperorcoffee5217]

This guys problably wasted all the world's luck and now we are suffering in 2020 because of it. Thank's Timothy Dexter.

[@emperorcoffee5217]

@ you, my friend, are a mad man

[@WallaceBreenFromKentucky]

Not gonna like Because its on 420

[@emperorcoffee5217]

@Kaiser Franz von Lappen der 2. Jokes on you i don't have a father

[@jamarsimpson2968]

@Kaiser Franz von Lappen der 2. I can hear the southern in this comment. Jesus Christ

[@ghost_type_gaming670]

@@WallaceBreenFromKentucky WHOLESOME 100 REDDIT MOMENT

[@Fizzsama]

I'm sorry, but the page full of nothing but punctuation is the most chad move I've ever heard of

[@kugul1683]

He's such a great felosfer

[@MisterHunterWolf]

that.

[@nuclearbomb9483]

Phosphorus?

[@thingythesigma]

@@nuclearbomb9483 yes he's a great phosphorus

[@strangemiscellaneousfruit9222]

jorge wahsignton has nothing on this guy

[@Ultrakilltree]

Hes sO graTe.

[@pedrocurto2397]

Dexter's wife: Doesn't cry at his funeral *This angered Dexter, who punished her severely*

[@hugheast318]

Wrong channel

[@pedrocurto2397]

@@hugheast318 I know, it's from Oversimplified, but I thought it suited the context

[@johnny-jk8si]

Is this a crossover episode?

[@georgy2596]

Non

[@Dokataa]

@@georgy2596 vous-voux

[@tfk_001]

This guy just hit the save button at random times in his life, then reloaded his save to make mad cash later on in the most impossible circumstances

[@thetrueletterz2938]

moneymaking the re:zero way

[@raph3699]

When you find the game menu of life

[@iamme2739]

I just looked, and his book has a 4.2/5 on amason, and a 3.5/5 on goodreads lol.

[@diwang3845]

I love the scream of agony Sam makes during the sponsor

[@bulldozer8950]

He was just a real life anime protagonist.

[@UBvtuber]

He's the real life version of the anime dudes who are 100% afraid of sex, but have tons of women fighting to get a chunk of him stuck inside of them.... except this man actually got down with the sickness.

[@Im-xq5xf]

@@UBvtuber and it's time for our boy to clean it up

[@muramasadoesathing1040]

The plot armor is strong with this one...

[@xrueaw5961]

Anime more like gaynime

[@wasabij]

Sounds like he may have been a narcissistic sociopath. His education had nothing to do with making money and he picked that up at 8 to make money even quicker. He knew exactly how to get what he wanted, money and wealth, and completely willing to exploit people to do it. He abused his wife who that don't validate his ego. He had a grandiose self of self importance, seemingly lacked empathy, classic traits.

[@MM-bj8og]

A poet that sells fish *AND* porn for a living. I've never heard that one before.

[@ryan_uwu]

It can be all at once: f i s h s m u t w r i t e r

[@Infinite8blue]

He must secretly be Japanese

[@ghoulbuster1]

Fish cutter at day meat rubber at night

[@boartank]

Literally: Hentai has the same origins.

[@deusvult9362]

Sounds like the beginning of a bad joke. "A poet, a fisherman, and a porno salesman walk into a bar."

[@fuckface103]

Forget about Hamilton, *this* is the 18 century dude we should be making a musical about

[@arandomuser9459]

Tim/Masky I’d pay to see that.

[@benjaminaustin3421]

My guy. You are off by 100 years. 19th century

[@fuckface103]

@@benjaminaustin3421 bro he was born in 1747 he's an 18th century dude

[@brennacoleman6815]

As a Hamilton fan, seconded...and make it all polka music.

[@scooble_]

“Thy motherfucker was blessed by rnjesus”

[@robertnixon7447]

That's honestly the best ad transition I've ever seen