The Worst Thing to Do After a Breakup

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When we’re heartbroken, it can feel like the pain will go on forever . . . we’re afraid and overwhelmed, and too often we fall into habits that actually make it harder to heal.
In this new video, you’ll learn about 4 behaviors that can keep people stuck in heartbreak, and give you a “heartbreak roadmap” so you can finally move forward and feel like yourself again. (And be sure to stay until the end for a brand-new tool that can help you move on!)
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[@Sunflowergirl824]

Sending a big warm hug to everyone going through this as I am right now ❤

[@Raf.VelascoCEO]

Sending you strength. I know it hurts, but this isn’t your ending, it’s the moment you find you. One day, you’ll look back and realize this pain was shaping you into someone stronger than ever 🙏🏼

[@alisahamel3954]

I have been wanting to leave for months - and this time it is real And it is excruciating. I am so hurt

[@DayandyDissanayaka-eb1zh]

Sometimes Online people are more close to us than the people who are actually around us when it comes to heart break❤

[@Piecesoftheshadow]

This couldn’t be anymore true

[@nathanohlson]

I swear man, your recent content, including your book, has a level of depth and understanding that almost no one in this space has. It's so incredibly clear you've not only studied what you say, but have lived it. And care so deeply for each person watching your videos. Thanks for all you're doing!

[@Love-Doesnt-Exist]

Heartbreak hits harder when we don’t let ourselves feel it. I used to tell myself, ‘I’m fine, I’m strong,’ but inside, I felt numb and stuck. Then one day, I finally let myself cry, and it lasted two weeks. But after that, something shifted. It was like I had shed my quota of tears, and suddenly, I stopped crying. I removed all the reminders, the pictures, everything. And just like that, I felt ready to step into the next stage of my life. Matthew is right; avoiding the pain only drags it out. We think staying ‘strong’ means not breaking down, but real strength is letting the heartbreak move through us, not burying it. And the moment we stop making it about them and start focusing on what we need to heal, that’s when we actually start moving forward. If you’re in the thick of it right now, just know, you will get through this. It might not feel like it today, but one day, you’ll wake up and realise the weight has lifted. Keep going. You're stronger than you think.

[@KouSurfGuy]

I'm fresh into a break up, where literally the night before, my ex told me that she's loved me like no other, can't wait to live together, start our lives together, get married, have children, etc..., and then out of no where, the day after, she broke up with me like the flip of a switch. I thought I was doing fine in my healing journey, but out of no where, bam, those ruminating thoughts have just been hindering me!

[@Maria-t9m7q]

Matthew, your videos have helped me getting through my heartbreak from day one. It’s been six months now since they broke up with me, and I’m feeling like myself again - but a more loving, caring, stronger and TRUE version of myself. Sometimes the pain still comes, but I sit through it and watch your videos if I need to, and I feel myself actually heal. So thank you for your help. I’m so very grateful🫶🏼

[@Raf.VelascoCEO]

Your growth is inspiring 👍🏼… Pain may visit, but it no longer owns you. Psalms 30:5 📖 tells us “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning”… and you’re living proof that healing is real. If you ever need more insight along your journey, I also share relationship advice that might help. Stay strong, keep growing, and never settle for less than you deserve 💯

[@rachellobo5569]

I'm currently seeing someone that makes me super happy but Im constantly living in the fear of it ending and how devastating it will feel. And that fear is actually holding me back. This was such a great reminder that we can withstand a lot more pain than we give ourselves credit for as long as we deal with it correctly.

[@davidniemi6553]

Glad you are having an opportunity to find happiness and are aware enough to see where your fears are. Those are both healthy signs. There is never anything wrong with a bit of rational caution and "due diligence", especially when the upside is so big -- I hope you can do that without it getting in the way of what sounds like a really positive relationship! And yes, nothing really big can be achieved without risking and actually enduring heartbreak multiple times, we are separated from all who we hold deal someday, one way or another, but all the meaningful connection between now and then (be it months or years or decades) is far more important.

[@Orcasfangs]

Mathew can you talk about friendship breakups particularly those caused by one of them entering into a relationship. I mean friendship break ups are rarely talked about whereas talks on relationship breakups are widely addressed.

[@bundlewade]

It seems to me that a lot in this video can also be applied to friendship. This is coming from someone who is basically going through a friendship breakup. I’m tired of this person saying one thing and not following through and I feel treated like a mere afterthought. So a lot of what Matthew said about stories, rumination, focusing on myself applies to my situation with someone I thought I’d had this great friendship. 💔 I feel truly truly heartbroken.

[@aplethoraofme2056]

Heartbreak is universal ❤ giving space to those feelings is necessary. Healing takes so much time but it’s well worth it. Love is the answer to life. No matter how many times you’ve been hurt no matter how many times you have hurt others not intentionally ofcourse. It’s all part of life. Such is life ❤

[@xaviergrewal]

I’m so grateful that there is someone who understands this perplexing mechanism called a heart so well!! I am coming out of a vile situation and this / you have been a blessing!

[@binkiep2840]

I am going through such heart brake and I am so thankful that Matthew is doing this video and the live on the 25th. It's as if God sent me the help that I need right now.

[@EsyuDach]

45 years and it still hurts me, a little. It hurt me badly until about 16 years ago

[@zabbi-r5j]

I absolutely needed this one sir! Because it is the worst time of my life.

[@missya2128]

"There's no tea in this" 😅.... thanks for the laugh...I needed it

[@MariyaTerzieva]

Love the intensity cam! 😀

[@2fly1974]

The biggest problem is social media Mathew.....theres too many options and opinions that sways peoples Outlook from what is right in front of them and distorts their minds from whats real now. I'm 6'2 , 225lbs exercise physically active outdoors...own 2 houses and make six figures with no kids. The result is the same....infidelity. I always joke and laugh and my family loves the heck outta me....but deep down I feel crushed because I've never felt enough for someone not to cheat. Now...i feel great until I realize someone might have affection for me...then it peels the scab off my heart...and I turn away...avoiding what possible pain that may or may not happen again. I'm very happy...but miserably alone

[@nicolegregoire1340]

100%

[@bobbyj-x7v]

Just my two cents, so take it with a pinch of salt. First love yourself unconditionally. Do a loving-kindness meditation daily for three weeks, using pictures if necessary. Find a group of pictures of yourself, place them cronologically and then give loving kindness to yourself, from picture to picture. If you have difficulaty, think about someone else that you love unconditioonally and then transfer that feeling to yourself. This will stop the aloneness all together, it will change your relationship to yourself. Secondly, all those things that you mention are the things that society and culture say that should work. They are logically right. If you added model looks and fame, you would have the two other components that should work. They won't. The problem is that you are triggering massive amounts of being a nice guy Beta provider. Nice doesn't trigger attraction. Being a provider doesn't trigger attraction. You need to get her devotion and have her hungering after you. To do that, you need to cultivate your personality to incorporate Alpha Male Sexual Triggers (teasing her, being cocky/funny, dominant in and outside the bedroom, leading, mystery, worldiness, a prize, pre-selected by other women, raw sexuality, charm, etc, etc).. You should not be taking her for an expensive meal on a first or second date (coffee for thirty minutes, and if you get on, bump her to a nearby bar), she should be the one seeking the relationship status after sex, you should be the one leaning back. If you deny her the challenge of capturing you, you are denying her the gift of winning you over. Don't blame social media, but frame it for her as a curse, something that steals time. You can also frame her group-think-girlfriend-committee (if you see it), as being lonely. Besides, they won't matter if you trigger hardcore attraction (like a jerk does, but from a good place of being a good guy).

[@2fly1974]

@bobbyj-x7v i appreciate your feedback and advice. I always analyze myself for self improvement all the time. Attraction has never been that hard of a problem for me honestly. I've always been a competitive and been a natural at learning sports, hobbies and picking up handy skills....i ride that borderline cocky/confidence Grey area. I've been in the very male dominant oilfield for 13yrs now with a lot of Alpha attitude so I actually have to tone it down when I come home after a 2 week work schedule in Texas. Unfortunately I think it's my job that kills my relationships because communication is so hard to keep up while at work and the lack of being home to keep ones attention while I'm gone. My job is a relationship killer but there's no guarantees in life but bills taxes and death...its what helped me turn my life around financially and comfortable but has had its obvious drawbacks

[@larryly3613]

This is me just assuming, but i suspect you are attracting the wrong attention, and part of it is your situation. 6'2, rich, exercise, etc. What i think will work for you is to filter. Really get to know the person. Just don't select the hottest person of the bunch. Im not saying hot people can't be loyal, but you really need to vet them. And a good way to do so is to know your value and tell yourself i won't settle for someone who isn't loyal. Once you are in that mindset, I suspect you will have more success. Best of luck!

[@2fly1974]

@larryly3613 haha...i do good but im far from rich. Just take care of what i have to because I can't do what I do forever. Ive been down the hot girl road and learned to settle down some. It's my job...too old to change and too secure in it to leave financially. It's tough being gone for 2 weeks if there's problems at home and try to talk it out at work with limited time in the field. I go home and I feel like there's a fake plastic smile and always unsure if things are ever fully resolved...almost 8yrs of doing that to find out she was cheating the whole time and living in my house. 2yr break date someone else and same scenario...both girls not hot but normal. It's rough out there

[@zhennilin5794]

Sending love to everyone going through it❤

[@janburke6488]

I believe I went into a state of shock. I just couldn’t access it. I was acutely aware of that lack of feeling though. I’m a deeply emotional person. I grieved for 12 years. Never cried.

[@bindicat9070]

Love the book nook !

[@CobaltLobo]

The Intensity Cam is the comic relief I needed 😂

[@sonneblendet1140]

Thank you for this video. Actually I will go out and buy your book tomorrow. You are a good guy and so charismatic. After a brutal heart break and working through it myself I just can say your tipps are so true! Thank you for helping so much people

[@WendySalima]

Somehow this video cracked me up laughing and that was just what I needed. Love it, thank you! ❤

[@ShopgirlNY182]

The Book Nook- I like this Storytime with Matthew 😊

[@admmgllc]

This is good and timely.

[@annabellea4632]

My partner broke up with me as he got a call from a fling before we met that she’s pregnant. We have been together almost 2 months but met almost 3 months. He chose to do the right thing and be responsible for the child and the mother. I am so heartbroken 😢 2 months may not be long but that’s the best 2 months of my life compared to the longest relationships I had in the past.

[@soulsanctuary38]

Thank you, so so much, Matthew ♥️🙏🏻

[@seethroughmeb.8070]

My current heartbreak is the loss of a friend. It was such a chaotic friendship. I was lied to. I was gaslit. I was played. I was used. I was doing good without him for a month and then he showed up at my door. I was strong and I told him we could not be friends and he left. Ever since that day I have thought about him. I have cried several times. All of the hurt came back. I caved, texted him, and agreed to talk to him tomorrow. I want to talk to him and I don’t at the same time. I wish I had not been weak and texted him today. I was just lonely and sad. Now I will feel like an a$5 if I don’t follow through on talking to him. Now I can’t sleep and I am ruminating on the situation I have created. Ugggh, this sucks.

[@CobaltLobo]

Tend to the grief and pain like you would a Lover. ❤ 🙏

[@gabrielaluciano2470]

Just in time 😳👀

[@tupasnyder8828]

You are simply amazing. Phenomenal empathy and advice.

[@vannabananaz]

This was so quirky and real Matthew!!! Thank you I got a few giggles in 😂

[@nn7397]

Thanks Matthew!! Great advice!! Please do more on rumination. Thank you!!

[@Ravid394]

when I date someone I set a custom ringer sound for them (I do not date often so each one has their own sound), that way when/if we break up every time my phone chimes I know it is not them helps not think she is messaging every time my phone makes a sound!

[@leilat.3237]

All that I need at the right time❤️‍🩹thank you Matthew😢

[@nellyfilatova2745]

Thank you so much, Matthew. Everything you have said goes together with inside feelings we have to often experience and overcome.

[@BhartiJoshi-h1w]

Thank you✨

[@penelopemason3786]

No tea, maybe a brandy 😂 ❤

[@ivyhazelco]

I couldn’t avoid my feelings. I spent days in bed feeling awful. I genuinely believe I could feel my body shutting down. I’m currently doing 21 days no contact. It’s been a week. I’m trying to be hopeful we can reconnect, which you advise, but now you say that’s an avoidance. I don’t understand.

[@ChristopherOconnor-h9m]

I LOVE YOU MATTHEW

[@sugarwoodpapi]

2 months since my ex of 2.5 years dumped me and literally 3 weeks after the breakup she made things official with her coworker. It really shattered me, how could she move on that fast, as she checked out prior because I did not see the signals, all these things I started to wonder, but her actions literally hit me like a knife, her lies and manipulation, it's been hard

[@hadiza1]

Good morning! 💛

[@AlinaForbes-p9o]

Thank you so much ❤

[@tricia4075]

yes, I feel not good enough

[@tricia4075]

Thank you

[@bindicat9070]

I’ve just had a friendship breakup too. Not had a chance to say goodbye properly.

[@OurFantasyIsland]

Why not?

[@bindicat9070]

@@OurFantasyIslandthey don’t want to engage in conversation I text after a month to ask if we could talk and try to repair the damage But she said no thanks

[@OurFantasyIsland]

@@bindicat9070 and why did you break up in the first place?

[@bindicat9070]

I’ve tried to reach out It’s all I can do.

[@OurFantasyIsland]

@@bindicat9070 be strong! Hope a friend more suited for you is coming your way

[@marty8442]

The woman I thought and hoped would be my gf told me a week ago she decided to stop seeing me as she felt no attraction during our dates, despite all the signals that said otherwise. This gives me so much distrust for future dates with other women. I don't believe in it anymore

[@Raf.VelascoCEO]

I’m sorry to hear about what you’re going through.. I know that being misled like that shakes your trust, but don’t let one person’s confusion make you doubt your own worth. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:18) 📖, and right now, He’s guiding you toward someone who will see your value without hesitation. The right person won’t leave you guessing… when it’s real, you’ll know 👍🏼🙏🏼

[@Raf.VelascoCEO]

🚨To Anyone going thru a Heartbreak 💔…. 👉🏼Breakups aren’t just about losing someone, they’re about finding yourself again. 💔 I believe that one of the worst things you can do after a breakup is chase closure from the person who broke you. The real closure comes when you decide you’re enough, without their validation. Pain has a purpose. God never allows a storm without a lesson in it. Sometimes, He removes people from our lives not to punish us, but to protect us. ‘The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit’ (Psalm 34:18). If you’re hurting right now, know that this pain isn’t your prison, it’s your transformation. Let it teach you, let it strengthen you, but don’t let it define you. You weren’t meant to beg for love. You were meant to walk in the love God designed for you. Keep your head up, your heart open, and your faith strong. Your comeback will be greater than your setback. 🙏

[@yanlingzhang7775]

Well my ex taught me to cook with his recipes. It sucks every time when I cook with those recipes, they remind me of him.

[@mareeannehutchings945]

Well this came at the right time. Holy crap 😂😢❤❤️‍🩹

[@robs.5847]

It's not true that feeling like you're supposed to be together makes you're an unreliable narrator, or that if you were meant to be together, you would be right now. Maybe you're meant to be together, maybe you're not. You'll only know after it happens. Better question: who else have you ever thought you were "meant to be with"? Correct or not, it's just not helpful to think of "meant to be" as though that's meaningful.

[@markangelo1122]

Guys any help i cant get rid the things that my ex and i have like the pc since i use this for study and the motorcycle i use for study the only thing i can get rid is everything we have but that computer and motorcycle i cant since it help me to study can you help me how many months before i can get rid of the things that my ex have in my home like clothes and other materials its been a month since she dumped me and i can get the things back on her since she's far away on me but i can get back the things to her mom maybe 2 months or 3 months after this break up since i dont want to make any contact on any of them since we broke up since it hurt me a lot ..hope anyone can give me some advice

[@dennisje2925]

Remove all the reminder of the ex. Its not that easy if you share two daughters with the ex of course :)

[@Raf.VelascoCEO]

I hear you, when kids are involved, it’s not about ‘moving on’ the same way, but about shifting your focus. 📖 “Be strong and courageous… for the Lord your God goes with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you” (Deuteronomy 31:6) Your strength now isn’t just for you, but for your daughters, showing them what resilience and grace truly look like 🙏🏼

[@ancientwisdom108]

Funny moment,Matthew, but treat your book with respect. 😅🙏

[@TheOlfactory]

Gym, Law School, The Stoics, Bible.

[@madmanc_angling]

You should do a video about how women punish fathers even when he's the victim of narcissistic abuse. We see too much about how the woman is the Saint in a breakup, probably because some women can't accept accountability. My ex ended our relationship, I thought we were OK even with my ptsd flaring up. Everytime my ptsd flares up I'm unable to operate heavy machinery, so I had to have breaks from work. The result was always the same, I'd be kicked out of the family home and was refused contact with our children. It's the same now and I'm losing my grip, it was April last year when I last hugged our children. I'm ready to do stupid I'm that broken

[@blackanne]

You sound like you are in need of some serious psychotherapy. Even if your partner didn't understand your issues and you feel like you were treated unfairly it is your job now and you owe it to yourself and your children to get a grip, stop focusing on blaming her and build your sense of worth through tackling your problems, forming friendships, having a fulfilling life. "Accountability" is a slogan made by misogynistic men who like to simplify every complex issue. It's not your problem whether she is accountable, you can't control her. If you are not on good terms you can minimize contact and other than that focus on living your best life and forming new better relationships. As a healthy and balances adult you will have a greater chance keeping contact with your children whether through changing your public image or, of need be, having a good enough one to be granted seeing your children by court.

[@BärbelK]

There is no saint on this earth. I wish you strength to take care of yourself(!) in this situation and clarity in thinking about what you can do. All the best.

[@KaiaLoken]

I’m so sorry you are going through this. It’s called parental alienation. Document it, bring it to court to inform the parenting plan.

[@WendySalima]

Re-watch number 4 and I wish you strength in healing.

[@tylerdurdan6708]

Men are not profitable enough to address such issues. Men do not go out and buy relationship books in droves nor do they stay tuned into podcasts And if you've ever seen any of his seminars you will also never see males within them. Matthew knows his target audience and he gears his material to them

[@houdy5675]

♡

[@Mypuddleiscranky]

Lord Or whoever Up above there 😂✡️ Give me Great Power to maintain no contact ❤🧎‍♀️🧘‍♀️🧘‍♀️

[@lili0302kimo]

Love your videos and thank you for all these useful and warm advice! I'd love to join your training class but it starts in midnight in Asia🥲Hopefully it will have a chance to attend next time!

[@helenhamidi]

Thank you so much❤