Stop Being THE GOOD GIRL & Become Inconvenient

[@Nolongerdrafts]

Girl remember that Margarita chose us in spite of her crazy busy schedule. The least we could do is to choose ourselves too. We got this.

[@Margarita.Nazarenko]

Love this

[@lanabanana4752]

❤❤❤

[@Val.Kyrie.]

Dude good point.

[@gimmelife3717]

❤

[@vanessahogan2837]

❤

[@buggeyed139]

‘It always works out better when I put myself first’

[@jmkwm]

It’s like they’ve been telling us in planes: « put your oxygen mask on first before helping others »

[@hrosexo]

It does❤

[@somewhereinbetwixt]

Wow, that's a really neat way of saying I'm selfish ;)

[@jmkwm]

@@somewhereinbetwixt if you read my analogy with the oxygen mask in the plane just above, it’s not. If we continue with this analogy, the reason they tell you to put yours on first before helping others is because if you don’t, you’ll suffocate and won’t be able to help anyone, and all the people you could have helped will suffocate alongside you. Now if you make sure YOU have enough oxygen first you’ll be able to tend to others much better, and they can also tend to more people etc. wouldn’t you agree? Well, it’s the same in this video: you need to take care of yourself to be able to do well alongside others. If you’re burned out, depressed, tensed etc. it’s going to benefit no one, yourself included. Women are often placed in this role of the caregiver at the expense of their own health, both mental and physical, very often putting others’ first. Anyway… this video is NOT destined to you Joshua 😊 you’re NOT the target audience, and even though you could have learned from it (because this advice absolutely benefits men too) you chose not to, and to call the women who follow this advice selfish. A little toxic isn’t it? I’ve seen the other mysoginistic comments you’ve made so this will be my only address to you as you seem to be thick but I hope this will light something in your brain to be more compassionate and listen when others who have a VASTLY different experience than you in this world speak. You don’t know and you’ll never know so you could be open-minded and try to understand, and if it doesn’t make sense to you, ask questions instead of invalidating the way we feel. Or you can keep trying to shut us down and keep us oppressed. My thoughts and prayers to the women in your life, I hope they get to escape you one day 🙏🏾

[@bm5_5_5]

@@jmkwm THIS 🙌

[@cedian3811]

I used to be a doormat to my husband, he took me for granted so much that I said enough!! I started speaking my mind and not putting up with his crap and let me tell you what a turnaround. Ladies, what she is talking about is truth. Especially young girls, listen to this woman! Listen to her videos and learn! It will save you years of unhappiness.

[@MrsBrandiSherman]

I’m in the process of turning my whole life around! My spouse has also taken me for granted and I now question if he still loves me. But I’m ok because i finally love who I am and not who I should be!❤

[@cosodesign8953]

that's because anyone who is a doormat is unattractive. My ex was like that and it drove me crazy. He was really attractive physically but he would not stick up for himself and that told me and everyone around him he didn't like himself and had no respect for himself. I didn't know who he really was cause he wouldn't be honest about how he felt or what he really wanted. Healthy people don't want to be with someone like that, only abusive people like that dynamic.

[@Aysh_khan_i]

here...I used to be a doormat for everyone and everybody took me for granted even my parents but now enough is enough.

[@LyslScentedLife]

Ha! Young girls are already being queens. Don't worry about them, they are A-okay 👌

[@ineedhoez]

Preach!!!! So happy you found your voice!

[@lanhoang6502]

"You are so good at reading their micro expressions and you're so shit at reading your own expressions" this line is gold

[@NM-di6hm]

I regret being the good girl and people pleaser even with “family” or “relatives”

[@yoohoo952]

if you go sometimes with their way and not how you planned it's OK I think, nobody is a complete computer, or you have to train yourself but it's natural to go with somebody else's way at least sometimes

[@REINVENTION_7]

Women - especially the eldest or the empaths are conditioned to behave like this. Now it's time for us all to stand up, walk away if we need and give ourselves the respect and love we deserve. ❤❤❤

[@Bronte866]

This.

[@Arlene_witha_y]

Same

[@corsicanlulu]

they dont appreciate it at all

[@theauthorgirl-podcast]

So true. Even at work, when you're too dependable and reliable, you get taken for granted.

[@madhuridas4745]

I am 53 years old and I m in tears after hearing this...we never had this kind of direct talk like this when I was young...❤

[@leospectrum]

❤❤❤

[@MN-su8yg]

🥹

[@shivakamiravichandran6723]

I am 42 and I haven't either...sending love ❤

[@molly9518]

So true - and sad... But better late than never, I guess.. 🙃

[@Valkyrtzia]

❤❤❤sending love

[@xoxoASxoxo]

Men really don't fall in love without pain. That's why exes always seem to want you when you move on or are over them. It's sad and hard to understand because my heart doesn't work that way. But it's a reality i had to face after my ex broke up with me just DAYS after telling me how perfect and what an angel i am. You can be the best and loveliest girl ever, it's not what is going to keep him

[@irinaivanovic9792]

This is the SAD TRUTH. I'm the same as you. I lost my husband who was my best friend and love of my life. Or so I thought. What he did to me was unspeakable and that's why we broke up. Men really don't want you to be good to them. They want the baddies and bitches. It's all true. I was taught ALL wrong since I was young. ;(

[@xoxoASxoxo]

@@irinaivanovic9792 I'm so sorry... What's even sadder is that men will never admit this... Meanwhile us women at least admit that we are often going after "bad guys" or choose "the wrong guy". Men scream all over the internet where are the good women, but when they have them they absolutely destroy them

[@freshdumpling]

​@@irinaivanovic9792if they like baddies they are living from their trauma.

[@SherMusician]

Let this be a lesson to us all cause mine did similar. If they come to tell u ur the best ever its cause they've had a months worth of debate in their head whether to leave or not ans on a good day ur thr best. But this ain't good. Cause he's not living and loving his life he's debating and slots are on the winning end and usually it's cause of an*l. Sorry but my friends and I have this all figured out. They all leave for thr one who's willing to do that. Some don't want it wrecked

[@SherMusician]

Yeah I was blunt but it's the truth. They're bringing up ways to not have intimate sex but horrible sex they can do in prison

[@buggeyed139]

‘Set boundaries or wrestle with the pain of having a boundary. Wrestle with the pain of thinking you will be abandoned, you have your own back. You are not a baby, you are not going to be abandoned.’

[@h.b.9992]

How should we do that if we‘re in a talking stage? Like i don‘t want to show my cards and tell him i want this and that, i‘m scared of love bombing😂

[@YourMajesty143]

​@@h.b.9992- At the talking stage, you should be setting the boundaries of what you DON'T want. It's while he gets to know you that he organically learns about what you DO want (at a gradual pace). This ensures that your safety is prioritized in the beginning, while also giving space for him to learn about you naturally without it feeling forced down his throat.

[@h.b.9992]

@@YourMajesty143 thank you💗💗💗

[@ShopgirlNY182]

I love that you reminded me that I can’t be abandoned because I have myself, I have my own back that’s really resonating with me today. Thank you Margarita!

[@jessgrisel9277]

Been the good girl my whole life. I am choosing me now.

[@wendi2819]

Me too! My close friend has taken advantage of me for 5 years, because when I saw it starting I couldn't keep a clear and consistent boundary. It's not just her. We're just toxic together. If I were healthier she would have sensed from the beginning I had a boundary that wasn't going to be violated over and over. I want to be healthier so I attract healthier people.

[@satanexmachina1630]

Sure you have. hahahahahahaha!

[@hannahgrazzini]

“Men polish their Ferrari that breaks down every 5 seconds.”

[@satanexmachina1630]

Ferraris don't break down every 5 seconds. Either way it is better that polishing a ran-through liability that breaks down every 5 seconds.

[@kafbff]

read that again

[@sashajazzy1983]

Range Rover breaks down every 5 seconds

[@emarflips]

Bang on. Thank you. I am 2 months postpartum, have 2 teenage boys at home on holidays and I have decided to stand up to my husbands disrespectful communication with me. I am strong

[@Moon_Dancers]

Sorry you are going through that, sending you love 💗

[@Hypocricy_rules_supreme]

Off topic here. From girl to girl, you're gorgeous.

[@celesteadeanes4478]

2 teens in the house ? They should be doing all the housework at least their personal space and laundry. Lawn care too.

[@somewhereinbetwixt]

You will be divorced before you know it. Set him free and "go find yourself", I am sure you will be much happier ;)

[@karik726]

Holy crap you’re right! I tried this with my love interest. Me: wanna walk later? Him: headed to bed early Me: silent Him after 30 mins: wanna have coffee in the morning. I’m up at 4:15. Inconvenient Me: I will be sleeping then. Him: haha Me: silent Him: (phone call) Me: seriously didn’t know he called Him: how about 6am coffee? Me: can I let you know? I’m totally subscribing to this channel!

[@somewhereinbetwixt]

oooh I am on the edge of my seat! PLEASE do keep us posted ;)

[@Vriskh4oj]

This is aweful..

[@CarsonKaiser-j8r]

"sorry im late" vs "thank you for waiting for me" yes!

[@cece8009]

They don t choose me. I chose them. I ve learned the hard way. It is my way or no way.

[@Bronte866]

This.

[@wendyonyango1790]

Class dismissed... I chose you I can unchoose you in a second

[@somewhereinbetwixt]

Turn right in one mile for "No Way" then make a left ;)

[@satanexmachina1630]

Lol! Go choose then.

[@ineedhoez]

Ayo!!!!!!!!!!

[@Jovialjay86]

Stop saying sorry and say thank you. Now that's a 💎!!!!!

[@ashleylauren000]

“ everyone wants to drink from the well of your goodness” wowww

[@taliajournee212]

...she should put this on a t-shirt and sell them!

[@replicatedinsanity]

I needed this fr. You know, I often try to be tough or harsh, but when it comes to the person I love, I just melt. Before I know it, I’m thinking of ways to make him happy-learning to cook his favorite dishes, finding the books he wants to read, writing long paragraphs about my feelings and things to fix. I do all this in hopes that we can be better, but it feels futile because I know it’s impossible. Deep down, I realize there’s nothing more I can do. So, I must choose a path-- either to end the misery or to continue suffering because I'm trying to be the "good girl."

[@cherylross393]

Right ! People don't respect people pleasers they don't. Takes year's to figure it out .When you finally say no they can't believe it.

[@sachelahondeng]

Wow... Every time I think I've overcome people pleasing, I learn that I still have so far to go.

[@nuruisake]

As a man that just got divorce after an 8 year relationship I will tell you all this. I wanted an emotional connection and she chose to give that connection to other men online and pushed me away and drove me to serious depression. Please talk to your men when the iron is cold not hot. We want to serve and be of service, to be needed and wanted, to be choosen too. A lot of us have given up because we, like you, have dealt with the pain of being with the wrong person after giving so much of ourselves. I dont mean to minimize all of your pain. I went through all she has spoken as a man and it hurts and i wish you all the best in life.

[@Asia_B_85]

❤❤❤

[@Lazy-bliss]

​@@Asia_B_85so it's what ? Natural that good guys get attracted to bad girls. And bad guys attract good girls.

[@summastar2902]

I’m so sorry ❤

[@irinaivanovic9792]

BUT WHEN WE AS WOMEN DO EXACTLY THE THING YOU SAID HERE YOU DO NOT DESIRE US ANYMORE!! Sorry but you men make NO sense. If SHE showed YOU mutual signs of wanting the same emotional connection you would be the one LEAVING HER! This is the whole reason Margarita made this video. Geez. You as a man got hurt and you long for her because why? SHE WAS NOT TREATING YOU RIGHT, by not giving you the emotional connection. I guarantee you, it’s ALWAYS the girl who BREAKS YOUR HEART by withholding important things from you instead of the GOOD woman who gave you the emotional connection you wanted. You men NEVER appreciate good women who want to give you the very things you ask for! Make it make sense. Now YOU know how we feel!

[@mikimiki6202]

I waa you and tried to talk and he stepped out of our 19 yr relationship. Sad. I trusted him and kept him on a pedestal. Not only is he the same as any other man, he's worse

[@madalina088]

I admire women who know their value and aren't afraid of 'loosing' their husbands! I admire women who can tune out and give their husbands time and space to take care of their children,not by asking,but by existing! I see a lot of women who are in a store/ gathering,etc.with their husband and children and if one of their kids starts crying,or argue with another one,they aren't first to jump over there to their kid! They continue the conversation,or work they were doing,and that's giving their husband's the opportunity of stepping into action, aknowledge their input, aknowledge their kids! Is not these women aren't feminine,or maternal, because they really are,is because they push, without saying anything,or asking, their husbands to not be a baby, to realise they are parents as well and the kids are also their responsability, even if she is a stay at home mom and he brings the money!

[@badgyaltiaa]

Wrestle w/ the pain of having a boundary, I love that so much. So often we double down on what we said, or did. Trust your gut, your body, and your mind with what you did first.

[@Omniria]

THIS! Prioritizing myself without explaining or apologizing. Now, unless I step on your foot or I unintentionally do something that is misunderstood I won’t be apologizing for doing what I need to do for myself. Point Blank and Period!

[@chaoticgirl]

My heart is a home, and it doesn't welcomes anyone anymore. I decorate its walls by SELF LOVE.🌼

[@betsramos-bolick4283]

I am no longer anxiously attached because of you. When the anxiety starts to kick in, I jump on here and listen to your videos and I always feel so empowered. Thank you for being you, for your honesty and for following your calling.

[@loveandgutstv]

I’ve noticed across the board aside of men, but just in the world…inconvenient women never seem to be a problem. And here I am towing the line the whole way trying to make everything easier and more convenient for everyone and somehow I’m always viewed as a problem.

[@JessacaMAC]

Saying thank you instead of sorry changes the dynamic of the conversation so much! Its almost a power move.

[@naukumaija7056]

I've only listened to you for a couple days, and I'm not even religious, but bless you, honestly. Talking to a guy and I'm not sure where we stand, but your videos have helped me detach. On top of that, talking about neglecting self-care, I've managed to put him out of my mind for the day to do the dishes, clean the apartment, get things ready for the busy few weeks I have coming up. Pulling back for the day made him text me, which, being anxious obviously made me go "yay!", but at the same time, being unimpressed is creeping in. I'm starting to be tired of the crumbs and the anxiety that this man causes within me with his behaviour. I have myself to focus on, thank you for reminding me. Appreciate you.

[@zoy8779]

Exactly . When you put people first you'll get nothing in turn . Okkk take care of people and your loves is really good no doubts on that , but you should and must take care of yourself first then you will look at others needs , your time has priority and if you neglect it no one will get damaged but you. Have a great day soft creatures 🌹🌹❤

[@LC-wt5mt]

Spent my childhood being the people pleaser! It's very exhausting and finally learning the way out of it! Thanks to Margarita and her book for helping me ❤

[@otallaycollins8139]

This made me cry. It’s like you fully see me and how became what I am. Then I felt empowered!

[@djwendy]

It really is backward that people don’t appreciate all the things you do for them. Unless they pay a lot for it. It sucks you have to say No and be selfish but this is the world we live in.

[@spacebar9733]

I think being selfish towards men is good.

[@somewhereinbetwixt]

If there's one thing that comes natural to women, it's selfishness. You got this, sis!

[@irinaivanovic9792]

I am trying to become more and more selfish when dealing with a man. It’s completely unnatural to me but it must work because that’s always the woman they end up madly in love with, marry her and live happily ever after . 😒

[@ineedhoez]

If you have to work your ass off for a million dollars, you're going to be more appreciative than if somebody just gave you a million dollars.

[@ineedhoez]

​@irinaivanovic9792 it's not about being selfish. It's about having healthy levels of self orientation self-worth, self-respect. You cannot orient yourself to prioritize the needs of others to your detriment. That's unhealthy.

[@sucharitaMCK]

I must be a lucky one since my partner is the one who pushes me to change my people pleasing habits and always tells me to prioritise myself first. He ensures I don't inconvenience myself just to do something for him. Other people have always taken advantage of me for this habit of mine. Now, I'm actively being mindful of my habits and changing myself ❤

[@CocoGlows]

"You think the way to be loved is to be useful" wooo that was a bar 🔥🔥 well said

[@CeciledeLuire]

great content i still hate confronting people for their bs and still dislike conflict and setting certain boundaries. but boy do i love the results

[@AnaCarolineRodriguesSaTe-dt4mv]

Set boundaries and wrestle with the pain of having them. The more they hurt, the more you need that boundary; Ask yourself what do I need; Say no without explanation; Say thank you, not sorry; Have compassion for yourself. Being useful doesn’t get you love. Nobody do great things by being useful. Put yourself first; Perceive people who may be narcissistic and not like that you stablished a boundary; Pick someone who has their best in mind for you, let them know about your boundaries and let them tell you that’s okay to have them whenever it’s needed; Get to love and know yourself. Have ideas of who you are and stop identifying with other’s ideas of you.

[@4seasons546]

YEEEES ! THE child that calmed comforted & placated the parent to help everyone else ! Learned talents 👩🏻‍🎓 but a set up to associate that the person thats suppose to care for you is also causing you great stress which is a set up for abusive relationship cycle

[@rensii-e8b]

Absolutely! Awareness is key and it has recently helped me avoid such ppl

[@PaletaLee]

The wisdom of this woman... It's so weird She doesn't know I exist and yet she knows me soooo well, with every single word... I need her 💖

[@mf198]

I love how you throw names out: Amanda, Rebecca, etc

[@femalevoice_]

I needed this. Whenever I like someone I totally change and become a baby that’s also mothering and extra caring afraid they’ll leave every second. Always wondering what they need never getting what I need. Having 0 friends at 30 once I stopped reaching out and making everything to comfort them. Single too. It’s hard but you have to do it! Hope it works out for me. Thank you so much for helping us here 🥺♥️♥️

[@CreatrixGems]

Thanks for being so authentic and relatable, Margarita! Setting boundaries for the small things helps so much to reduce feelings of overwhelm. You’re right about first asking as a woman, “what do I need” versus “what does he need.” Great reminder girlie!👏😊

[@ziggyd93]

I am earmarking this video! I absolutely needed this. My 16 year relationship ended last November, after years of being a doormat. I’m still struggling with my self-worth and ability to hold boundaries, but it’s videos like this that are so helpful for me.

[@janeylfoster6197]

‘So emotionally clever and sensitive to everything’… Spot on ❤

[@MandyJRoss]

Focus on you and the focus becomes you.❤

[@starlightsugargaming]

For anyone struggling with what she has mentioned in her title, I also recommend you do research on the subject of Echoism Vs. Narcissism. As a girl in her late 20's I still recovering from years of extreme narcissistic abuse from family and partners alike, understanding where it comes from has to an extent given me a deeper perspective on how to be a better version of myself, and protect myself against people like that again.

[@tabiripetrovich517]

Dr ramani and dr wes carter

[@Sportylottie]

Princella the Queenmaker

[@drebugsita]

will do. thank you!

[@gardenrabbit98]

I love how authentic you are!

[@jennyj930]

Yes totally agree. You have to take yourself seriously to get someone else to take you seriously and if you bring value to the guy and if he thinks he can get anyone he wants then you have to set the line somewhere.

[@sydneepeck]

Never in my life have I felt more SEEN. For the first time in my life, I make sooo much sense to myself. I knew I had my own issues and I couldn’t pinpoint them exactly. Problems identified and now I can start working on them. Thank you for this video.

[@Lookup33]

My corrective response from being a former people pleaser was to completely piss ppl off. It’s like I went from one extreme to another. And that’s ok. Because I will eventually calibrate and gain a reasonable balance. But personally I had to become the most hated to break myself out of caring too much about keeping ppl happy. Not my responsibility. When I made that switch, I prayed that if I am wrong, may I find the way to make things right…though I knew I may do irreparable damage by cutting ppl off. I trusted that what’s for me will stick…the rest will fall away.

[@Magenta-maya93]

My bf didn’t call when he promised, And then said „I’ll call at 9:30“. I said: „I’m going to bed by 10, Unless u call. If u don’t, I won’t be there tomorrow.“ Not only did he call, We finally spoke about things, He knew I meant it (and didn’t try and manipulate him), And now we’re ok. No chance he’d have called otherwise, Think he got scared for a sec. Needs a man that’s able to „fight“, As in, Have a discussion. Know what was cute? I had to calm him down because he was getting agitated trying to tell me he likes me so much. So in the end a good partner works w ur anger (when I met him I was 100% anger), I can even tell him when I’m angry at him and he still talks to me and vice versa ❤

[@hannahgrazzini]

This is so raw snd so real. I recently discovered that I have a fearful avoidant attachment style, and it actually broke my heart, seeing the damage my parents did to me due to such an extreme lack of compassion and care.

[@alice-hp7dh]

I'm absolutely not a people pleaser in general. But when I deeply love someone I tend to become that 😑

[@irinaivanovic9792]

Same here. I fall in love and its all over. This is why I learned to be with men who are in love with ME but I'm not in love with them. I only agree to things that are convenient for ME and I say "no" often. That's the only way that I will be valued and loved by a man. I admit it's not fun and lovey-dovey happy to be with a man I'm not in love with BUT... it saves me from heartaches and keeps the man around because I'm so nonchallant and unemotional. I've learned to avoid men like the plague when I'm attracted to them and walk the other way and just speak to men who I think are unattractive. That way I don't develop feelings. The relationship goes on MY terms. My good girl days are over because I got kicked in the face SO much by being a good woman. Being a bitch and being uncaring is still hard for me, and a work in progress, but IT WORKS WITH MEN. They LOVE mean women.

[@alice-hp7dh]

@@irinaivanovic9792( they love mean woman ) It seems so... And that's isane. But is the same sikness that I share. When a man is super attached to me, It push me away. 😢

[@leerussell2539]

Me too, and they end up not appreciating the love or gestures of such

[@krisinnn]

That’s me. I know my worth, until I choose to give myself to a lover…

[@yoohoo952]

with some people you easily say NO, with others NO is a challenge. but you still can do people favors

[@Shei_82]

This video was so hard for me.. every word hit right.. i have been aware of a lot of my unattractive qualities that are now making me resent myself.. but I haven’t added them up together like that. I watched some of your videos about anxious attachments too and everything fits.. I’m not in any romantic relationship and have never been till now, but this has been my pattern my whole life.. with my family and friends and now at work.. i always knew something was off and as i grow older, i continue to resent myself a little bit more. I hope i can one day heal and reach a point where i can be healthy and honest with myself and comfortable in my own skin even if other people don’t like it.

[@nataa.-vf1gp]

You described my childhood in 2 minutes. I did everything in my power as a little girl to parent my parents, the more I did for them the more they hated me. I can’t stop crying right now.

[@SKINxChina]

I like that you film in a real way in your real house around your real family! I love beautiful curated content but I appreciate the real so much more!!!

[@KarebelleMissKarebear]

11:52 is my FAVOURITE. Goodness, thank you.

[@suzanahas4740]

How much I love the categoric tone in her voice and words when she practically commands us to love and respect ourselves by creating and respecting our boundaries. Kudos to you, Margarita!

[@jenniferdean7355]

Thank you for choosing us! Your doing so good mama!

[@Margarita.Nazarenko]

Any time!

[@Katrica670]

Boundaries 11:04 - 11:08 the more uncomfortable they are, the more you know you need them, the more important they are! Get comfortable in the discomfort of setting and maintaining boundaries. Get used to feeling like you will be abandoned, but do it anyway!❤😊

[@felnluvwithyou505]

Anyone with Anxious Attachment style will value this video😊.

[@entrepreneurialempress]

Everyone in my life treats me like I have a stick up my arse because I speak truth, am not agreeable, and carry myself in high regard. Apparently having boundaries and being a sovereign being equates to you having issues and being crazy to toxic people. I have been outcasted by about 98 percent of the people in my life at this point I learned to not give a shieat. Its so much easier that way. People are always going to have an opinion whether good or bad might as well enjoy your life and be yourself. Thank you Margarita I really enjoy your content & how you empower other women✨️🙏🤍

[@irreplacable1988]

Sounds like you have a problem if everyone is outcasting you. There is a difference between having an attitude that commands respect and just being antisocial or a sociopath

[@entrepreneurialempress]

@irreplacable1988 Sounds like you have a problem projecting your own psychotic nature onto random strangers on the internet. I tend to trigger people with my authenticity because the majority of the population is walking around with a mask. Kinda like you are with this comment coming off self righteous and arrogant by creating a judgement about my experience that you know nothing about. I think I can gauge my experience better than some random shithead on the internet. This content is about not being a people pleaser and that's exactly what I stopped being, sadly for me I grew up around narcissists that hate to see me embody my own power and you probably struggle to see that in others as well so maybe get some therapy before you comment on another person life.

[@Bre-o6i]

@@irreplacable1988naw I agree with her, I’m very introverted because of this. I love being nice and going above and beyond but I refuse to allow people to take advantage of it, when I draw the line (boundaries) and draw my energy back then people act surprised.

[@cosodesign8953]

@@Bre-o6iAre you setting expectations first or are you being overly nice, expecting people to act a certain way but not communicating those expectations, and then getting upset when people don't meet your expectations? Because the later is borderline abusive and a lot of people feel justified doing it.

[@mesalouis8976]

@@Bre-o6i same!

[@jacquelineamarante2004]

Wrestle with the pain of that boundary, yes that’s a valuable skill to acquire. 👏

[@Margarita.Nazarenko]

Absolutely

[@CopperMoon4747]

Perfect description... A suffocating Toad on my chest!😂❤💯 I'm in a difficult spot right now, doing my best, doing the work, but the people in my life are toxic users and I'm just sick of it! 🤬 Thanks for being real and sharing!❤

[@doria_zet]

Girl, you're amazing. I don't really know where the hell I have been all that time when I hadn't come across your channel. I'm familiar with the concepts you mention since I have been interested in psychology and holistic self development for years but the way you present all this in such incredibly supportive, convincing and witty way makes it feel like exactly something I have been missing, especially now when I need such recreation myself. Thank you for all the great work you do. Already subscribed and can't wait for more ❤

[@leiana_yt]

In the wise words of Taylor Swift: "Boys only want love if it's torture..." I'd emphasize "boy" (real men, dont wanna play these petty games), but the underlying truth & the truism of this video topic is real. I used to be the "convenient" girl to bfs, to my friends, etc. How can I help them? How can I make their life less stressful? Buy them thoughtful gifts to show my love & appreciation of THEM. Never getting in return, mind you. But even that I told myself, "Im not giving to receive, Im giving bc thats who I am"... But after being unappreciated, walked on & dropped/left behind. I did some serious self evaluation. I'm not the "problem", but I am/was giving wayyyy too much of myself right from the start. I was being too accommodating. I was so caught up in being unproblematic & convenient to/for THEM, I didn't see all the ways I was doing a disservice to myself. The thing that solidified this for me was watching drama play out w/one of my exes years ago, but I remember it vividly bc it was eye-opening for me. His new girl was the definition of Inconvenient/"bitchy". Instead of him being put off, he was madly in love. He'd splurge on gifts, trips, pay her bills, etc. Hell, he even proposed to her 💍! The flip side of this -- & where Id throw in a bit of caution/there is nuance to this -- was that it was a VERY toxic relationship. Off/on for months & ended damn near as quickly as it began. But the point remains, her being Inconvenient was clearly a factor in him appreciating her more & him investing in her more, literally & figuratively. Had their relationship been less toxic, im sure they would've got married & have kids. Anys, yes ladies, know yourself, know your worth, set boundaries, BE INCONVENIENT, live your best life & watch the changes unfold.

[@dotendit]

Yes... bottom line: let's not fall into the other end of the spectrum. Let's not become selfish and narcissistic like more and more women are becoming nowadays. BUT for the good girls among us: let's learn better boundaries, be a bitch if we have to or choose to and make them damn uncomfortable 😂. Being an angel on Earth is a bad position, they think you get your reward already from heaven, you need nothing.

[@Justmek200]

Where is the fine line What she should've done differently while being inconvenient to make it less toxic or not toxic at all

[@irinaivanovic9792]

LOTS AND LOTS of “grown men” are not really grown. Most of them STILL behave and act like little boys.

[@carmenk1011]

Thanks

[@SethTallman]

Trespassing male here... It took over 20 years for me to understand I was so burnt out and closed off because I always gave too much of myself to others. I've only recently been discovering who I really am because I lost my identity in a tangled mess of dysfunctional relationships. Men are not simple-minded creatures who la-di-da through life without their own emotional burdens. I also want to add that "inconvenient" women, men, things, situations, schedules always get dropped and left behind. Because they're inconvenient. Don't be inconvenient. By all means, be YOU, but never be inconvenient.

[@books-and-cats]

Thank you I dig your vibe! Appreciate you making time when it’s clear it’s difficult for you 💗

[@STheRoyal]

Set boundary What do i need? Say No without explaining. Compassion for yourself. Thankyou instead of sorry.

[@sandynikson8914]

Thank you for speaking the truth. It is so refreshing to listen to your channel.

[@HomeRene]

Your channel is literally changing my life..Warning though.. people won’t know how to handle the new, non- pushover, you and you will lose people, but the ones who fall off are usually the toxic ones anyway. I feel amazing and I no longer seek approval from anyone but myself. I don’t need a romantic relationship, but if someone comes along that accentuates my already full life, I might let them in, otherwise…I’m more than good. Full transparency, I didn’t like you at first because of what I thought was a “tough exterior”, but now I am very much similar to you, I get you and I am inspired by you and thank you for your brilliant insight 🙏🏻

[@cherrylane79]

And if you didn't please them, in the worst case you got either abused or abandoned.

[@irinaivanovic9792]

or BOTH.

[@thepragmatist]

Yes. This is true. A lot of times if you're not accommodating or have boundaries, men will simply find another woman who will put up with their BS. It really depends on how they function internally as well as how much they value you and the relationship. If a man is looking for an easy situation, he will walk away and find someone else.

[@irinaivanovic9792]

@@thepragmatistI’d say all men are looking for an easier situation. All of my life experience has taught me this; they will always walk away and find someone easier. And this also depends on how toxic and narcissistic he is. My ex was 10000% toxic and narcissistic so he chose the easy way out and emotionally abandoned the relationship long before it ended. Men are so f-ing cruel.

[@thepragmatist]

@@irinaivanovic9792 I would say it’s a decent amount of men who are looking for “easy”. We’re all programmed to believe that most people are looking for good relationships that challenge them to be a better person, but that’s not really the case. A certain percentage are complacent and will stay in a relationship because it’s easy (like you said). They won’t take the risk for the harder situation because it would mean losing what they have and they might end up with nothing. That’s why a lot of people monkey branch into another relationship before ending the one they’re in. All this to say that I agree with you…it’s not what we’re programmed to believe. All the best to you.

[@Midnightdarkness-jr2yz]

I really needed this. My whole entire life I’ve always wanted to please other people, please men. I just want to beat the stereotype. My self esteem has just reached a new low.

[@mariana236zyz]

Thank you Margarita for taking the time to talk with us today! Your video hit home and everyday im learning and growing🎉 I was a people pleaser also but i have learned how to value myself first! With that being said there are times i wanna slip back into that " people pleasing" state but i quickly shake it off and remind myself that i matter also❤ Thank you again! 🎉❤

[@chilledjuice]

This was everything I needed at the moment. I am on a journey to love myself and prioritise myself again. I have been helping my husband too much and I feel unvalued. I will be valuing myself from now on.

[@claremelling1961]

This is wonderful. But it’s so ingrained I need constant reminders and challenges to follow these steps every day. I might write it on a poster and remind myself to do these things , thank you

[@arielelizabeth6469]

Yasss I love when Magarita gets fired up!!!

[@kameliasarafska1527]

This comes just in the right time for me. I have this problem at work, always trying to be nice and liked..and I can’t still get over this behaviour 😢

[@WonderWoman1984-uy5yn]

Wow this was so on point. I was just saying "yep" "Yep" YEP!" at all the points that you raised. I have given a lot, been convenient, a pushover, let people say what they wanted, been two faced because I had to agree with what everyone said even if it meant going back on what I'd said to someone else, never said I wasn't ok with something and even if I did the second they challenged me I'd crumble. I'm so sick of it.

[@sleepysoleil]

i needed this SO BADDD. your tone and style of humour made me giggle and was so effective in getting through to me. thank you

[@empressgeorgena311]

thank you margarita, the sign I needed to dedicate the rest of the year entirely to self care, self discipline and self love. hope you and your little ones are happy, healthy and safe always in all ways. 💕🧚🏽‍♀️💫

[@Parm-t7k]

Hi Margarita hope you’re well. Please can you do a video on how to keep your marriage interesting with conversation etc. what are topics to talk about ? How to reinvent yourself and make yourself more intriguing as a woman . Would love to know how to keep the spark going because it can be hard when you have small children too.

[@angelika3110]

Such a great video. I still strugle to set my boundaries and say no. Because my "no" may make people sad and what others will think. I should stuck to whats best for me ❤

[@cassiestevens8382]

Thanks!

[@bh6518]

I just realized that you really resemble the”girl with pearl earring” in Vermeer’s painting 😂

[@ladylocs2xcel]

Omg 😮 you’re right they are TWINS! 👯

[@jfaustin1742]

😮

[@Bronte866]

She does.

[@CupcakeBeauty24]

Wooaahhh....she really does 😊

[@TheRealVivia]

She does!

[@nicoleb9088]

This is life altering! I’ve been people please my entire life and I have completely drained myself. Time for change, thank you. God bless!

[@julianagreenfield4168]

While I am considerably older than you, I appreciate your wisdom. Your video appeared at an especially challenging time in my life. I have been stuck in the "people pleasing" rut for so many years - to the point of not listening to my innate, spot-on instinct and, thus, very much to my own detriment. I look forward to checking out your other videos. Thanks!

[@PurpleKannonLives]

Margarita - sending you lots of love ❤ You are valued, you are loved ❤

[@MarianaVHernandez]

I am not a people pleaser by any means, I’m an only child and if anything, I entered a world where I was no longer the center of it all. However, when it comes to relationships I’ve fallen into a pattern of being with abusive partners who not only don’t make me feel special but also take away everything I once felt about myself. I just ended a 5 year relationship where like I was never enough, and would have to constantly change the core of who I am to fit this person, so this video really resonates with my in this moment of my life. I’m still healing and trying to find my power again ❤

[@dollary9046]

ooooop everything I needed to hear! thank youuuuuuuu for all our energy

[@work-in-progress]

Thank you for your advice margarita!!! You're the rare ones who actually help us communicate our needs instead of the common advice to cut everyone off. Ofc terrible behaviour is unacceptable but cutting off people when we all know noone fully understands the other isn't the right call. Maybe it's cuz you're married and mom so you understand what life is than others in this space. I want to have a thriving career and have a healthy Marriage with kids so listening to you is super super helpful because it's like being around someone living the dream!! No pressure on you, just sharing how valuable your insight is, Thankyou! ❤️

[@qianwenwu433]

This video should go to not only girls and young ladies but also every parent and teacher.

[@jenrivard133]

I’m 44 years old and I’ve learned so many valuable lessons from you! Just ordered the paperback book. Can’t wait to get into it.

[@Elifk8787]

I've learnt to regulate others' emotions and predict their mood and actions just in order to be loved and avoid being scolded, shouted at, criticized, and abandoned. That's so sad. And i can't heal.

[@mikimiki6202]

Me too and it didn't work anyway

[@Elifk8787]

@mikimiki6202 it never works that way. Please try to believe and feel that you deserve all the love and effort that you've been spreading around. You deserve it too, you deserve even more of that love and effort. Demand it and accept it gracefully. Lots of love and light ❤️

[@reisangchona.shimray3879]

Thankyou for the talk . You are a sister, a friend and someone who wants the best for us. 💙

[@limitless007]

Woa she must be stuffed 😮😅😂

[@reisangchona.shimray3879]

Hahaha...😂😂 a typo ​@@limitless007

[@reisangchona.shimray3879]

Hahahha...it was a typo😂​@@limitless007

[@Desrayyy_]

People should respect and be genuine regardless, it’s what makes everything better but some people don’t have a brain to heal

[@brighterwithnzu392]

This information was too heavy for me yesterday, I couldn't listen to the full video, but I took away something and applied it nonetheless. I am proud of myself for doing what I need today not what he needs. I needed to relax this weekend and I'll do just that. Thank you,

[@sanaibe_]

I’m pretty much the “inconvenient girl” you described in my relationship with my husband. This is because it is a healthy relationship and I’m not afraid to ask him to meet my needs. I am not afraid to voice my frustrations either. I sometimes wished I was “nicer” but I don’t think I’d have the relationship I have if I was a push over to be honest.

[@KhorshidKhorshid3546]

Your videos are so inspiring! I've been watching from Iran and they always brighten my day. Keep up the great work! 💙