3 Steps To Express Your Needs When Dating (Fearful Avoidants & Anxious Preoccupied) | Unmet Needs

[@call911ok]

I'm a 40 year old male and I just found out I'm fearful avoidant a couple of months ago after I've lost my job; it explained so much of why I have issues with boundaries, relationships, and then it affects my work, and every part of my life. Now I'm just a shattered, aimless, unemployed man wandering about life, completely lost. I guess it's good to find out though instead of never finding out. I also found out my parents gaslight so much in my interactions, I still live with them, supporting them by the way. What a failure of life I am... thanks for your videos, I think I finally have a glimpse that things don't have to go on the same way and I can turn them around.

[@Meg.1122]

Hey Tommy! Sorry for you struggle. I hope you find peace and love with yourself soon, also, i don't think you're a failure, you're strong and resilient actually! I will suggest finding your own space and create a healthy environment to heal, though. Stay strong! ^^

[@6bt_str86]

My parents gaslit my complete later childhood through adulthood, deflected ALL thier shortcomings onto my shoulders, it was complete excuse making by mother to use (when I called her out on her gaslighting and manipulative ways) "well I had a shitty life!! How do you EXPECT ME to act" it's quite flooring and if you don't recognize and address early on (& whatever you do do NOT beat yourself up it's just more toxicity for YOU to endure) your left with them both passed on with nothing but the truths you hold (& I said I'm ok with it. Well because what I just told you never penetrated. Im an Andrew Tate mentality without the financial means (I'm not rolling over for ANYONE.)

[@denny8097]

Bro you are trying still, thats not failure

[@GirlPower342]

Hope you can move out sooner rather than later. A toxic living environment is hard to work past or ignore. Now that you know about attachment styles many things will get easier or fade in importance. Just keep moving forward and find free or low-cost things to do for fun by yourself and with other people. And along those lines, don’t spend TOO much time in your head, ruminating on things. Just keep fun and good people in your life and the rest usually takes care of itself! 😊

[@thebarefootone]

It is not dramatic or an overstatement to say that PDS saved my life this year. After a break up in March, I discovered Thais' videos and began my deep dive into attachment styles, codependence, and enmeshment. I went from feeling suicidal to full of hope and actually building a relationship with myself that is based on trust. I am no longer looking for a savior or someone to save, and the suffering that I was experiencing has slowly been replaced with empowerment and peace. Conflict is no longer the end of the world, and I really enjoy finding ways to self-regulate. I would love the membership because two of my needs are learning and self-development. I have only scratched the surface on all the available material, and I would appreciate unlimited access because life is always moving and changing and new tools are called for in meeting new phases. Thanks so much!!!!

[@light5634]

I've noticed that when you manage to overcome the initial discomfort and even shock of expressing a need, there comes a sense of liberation every time I do it. Especially when you do it with healthy people. I've managed to reduce the people-pleasing and I feel much better. Resentment is definitely a rarer visitor now. It's essential to beat the guilt when you say "no" and when you decide to consider yourself, too, and look for compromise. Shaping needs as opinions and preferences sounds like a great idea💡I've been struggling with that a lot. I'd usually keep silent because I was so used to no one caring and even criticizing or gaslighting me as a child that I grew up believing everyone else had the right to have needs and I didn't because mine were shameful and too much. And then on the rare occasions I expressed them, it came from a place of anger. I would think to myself "I always check in with your needs at the moment and shapeshift into what you need and you dare not to do the same???????? Do you know how many times I've sacrificed what I need and what I want, so you get attention, safe space to talk, some you can lean on and now you treat me that way? I'll ask you for anything once or twice a year and you won't be there for me????" I recently cut out of my life AFTER a conversation, not with a doorslam as usual, a few people with whom I was in unequal relationships. I deleted others who have avoided me for months and when I tried to contact them several times and see what's going on. I'm learning to let go of everyone who is inconsistent in communication. Not in the sense of "Hey, I'm dealing with some stuff right now, I need some alone time", but those who make you wonder are you still friends dammit and where you stand in their life. I'm a recovering FA. I've wasted years on people who weren't right for me, mentally unstable and honestly a detriment to my health on all levels and intend to change that with conscious dating. Although it's hard for me to just tell someone they have qualities and habits, behaviours I don't like. It still feels like criticism to them. But I'm beginning to see I have the right to have preferences and if someone feels rejected, that's their issue to deal with.

[@EvolvingElegance]

I am a 25 year old and I stumbled upon this channel when I was 24 years old. I have never been to therapy and I had never learnt about childhood trauma until I turned 24 through this channel. Up until I gained awareness last year , I have been a text book fearful avoidant with a total of 3 attempts to end my life. I have absolutely no memory of my childhood because I blocked it out. I experienced a lot of verbal , physical and emotional abuse from my caregivers. Being the first daughter , I had no one else to help me navigate through life. I am currently suffering from anxiety, depression, low self worth, low self esteem, perfectionism. I have put in a lot of work on my own by educating myself more on my attachment style and this channel has helped me soo much. I just want to be part of a community of people who are also learning to heal this attachment style , I want to have a better relationship with my siblings , my partner , my friends. More importantly, I would like to give my parents another chance as they are also changing and are very different now. I would like to get closer to them but the pain from the past is stopping me from getting close to them even if they reach out. I am currently unemployed because of the continuous cycle of self sabotage and perfectionism. (Hence being unable to get any form of therapy)I just want to be able to learn how to set boundaries, feel worthy of good things in order to chase opportunities and not sabotage them , feel love without massive fear on the side. I am currently in Kenya and having an opportunity to be in community of people healing , get any form of therapy , steps to take in order to help myself more, I would appreciate it. I am ready to start living a more fulfilling life.

[@Projekt2507]

I am FA and learned about attachment theory one year ago. With your help, Thais, I got a lot better at processing my emotions and not avoiding them, regulating my nervous system, self soothing and also meeting my needs myself. When I spend my time alone, I now consider it to be quality time whereas one year ago I was restless being by myself, always saying yes to activities with people that did not fulfill me in the end. Having come so far I still have a lot of work to do on my boundries and communicating my needs to others, so I can have the relationships I wish for with my friends, my family and my colleagues. It would be awesome to have the support of a PDS lifetime membership for this🙂

[@shayce42]

Discovering PDS has been the best thing that’s happened to me in years! I’m a FA and Thais’ knowledge and wisdom has given me so much insight and clarity into my personal relationships. I thought my attachment style would forever hold me back, but the personal progress I’ve made since I started following this channel last year has given me tremendous hope. Thais’ daily breakthrough videos are always a highlight of my day. I wish I could dive in and take all the courses in PDS since I still have so much to learn and improve upon, but I cannot currently afford the lifetime membership. Please consider me for the PDS giveaway and thank you Thais for all of your hard work and dedication to making PDS a welcoming and inclusive community ❤

[@TNa-cp3bn]

I have been an on and off member for the last year when I have been able to afford it. Unfortunately I injured my back 6 months ago and I have since been unemployed. I am now about to fail my year at uni, I dont know if the relationship I am in is the correct one for me, I feel like a complete failure and I am terrified my back wont heal. I have been doing the exercises I remember from the emotional mastery course and they have helped me a lot. I am now serious about my healing and a life time membership access would help me along on that journey. P.S. the thing about people-pleasing and then being resentful. As an FA, that one really hit home.

[@elizabethsok1934]

i've just discovered that i am a fearful avoidant and how that plays out in literally every aspects of my life. At first it was so hard to navigate what was going on and why I am the way that i am but after discovering this channel, it has helped me so much in understanding myself and people more. It would be amazing if I could learn even more and used the knowledge to help me make better decisions and set better boundaries without having to be hot and cold and push people way all the time.

[@Katrica670]

Thank you soooo much for all your free videos Thais they have been a tremendous help! 😊😊 If I were to be the one winning the lifetime membership to your school it would impact me in the greatest way possible! A) I have been on my healing journey since end of 2017, I found one KZbinr who started helping me with her meditations. Then I found you about early last year or year before, and you have been such a great help! I have watched many of your videos, commented, shared, and you resonate with me extremely on my healing journey! ❤❤ B) I have been through lots of trauma like a lot of people. P.s. everyone has some kinda trauma however, I've seen some things that would have sent people off on the deep end, but still I stayed sober all my life during the decades. I have gone through too much and no one directed, guided, or helped me! 😭😭 I was pretty much on my own for pretty much all of my life, and pretty much raised myself! C) I would fully educate my young loves aka super young family members on this sweet, wholesome knowledge from you Thais! ❤️ ❤

[@Waheedalabloomer]

Your content gives words to all the repressed emotions, resurfaced pains and renewed sense of self acceptance. Now I BELIEVE it's never too late for one to get to know self, again and again. It's a big deal for me as it breaks personal and cultural barriers to be able to start this inner work, thank you for all you've done 🙏 I can't wait to explore a high quality structured journey and benefit people around me 🙏✨🥰 That's how I see it goes; A ripple effect of healing ❤️

[@chrisdecotis5379]

Discovering this channel has been eye opening for me. At 45 years old, I feel so far behind emotionally. Winning one of the prizes would give me access to a tremendous tool to help me 'catch up' and heal myself, help me to be more aware of myself and regulate my emotions. Thank you for all of your content.

[@roshalllambert]

the lifetime membership I purchased at PDS was the best gift I gave myself! so it would be amazing for people who win this contest!

[@mariettamiller9264]

PDS has been a lifesaver for me since I discovered my FA attachment style! Thais is the BEST in this field. Hands down. So clear and concise. And she has such a deep understanding of humans in this way. Normally I’d just sign up and no big deal but I’ve not been able to work for 2.5 years because I fell down my basement stairs and broke myself as well as having long term covid. My whole Life as I knew it before March 2020 has been cancelled and As a single Mom I’m rebuilding my life and can now see that I have a blank canvas and can create whatever I want my life to be! A lifetime membership for me would be life changing and I think it’s a beautiful gift you’re offering!! 👏⭐️ Blessings to all in the Christmas season! ❤️

[@alainpatry]

I consider myself to be very welcoming to conversation. I actually love to get to know my partners on a very deep level. But I have to say, if the FA won't open up and articulate their needs in a clear direct and healthy way, and instead force me to do the heavy lifting of having to read their mind or decypher their hints, and then be the target of resentment because I didn't guess right... Then that's super unfair and unhealthy.

[@psi23k]

You're 100% right. As a fa, I need to work on communication a lot more. I tend to do express boundaries after a conflict which isn't healthy. Another thing. I assume how I do and express things, is how someone else will. Not the case. Something else I need to work on.

[@emanuelaianc718]

Thanks to Thays and all her knowledge she shares with us all, I was able to see that part of myself that I buried inside of me for so long. My boyfriend is FA and I also have have FA traits, through our struggle to make our relationship work, I learnt and grew so much. I was looking for answers and I found way much more than that, I found a community that wants to grow and most of all to understand the why in human behaviour. Thank you for all your support!

[@frankie9953]

I have learned so much from this channel, it has literally changed my life. A lifetime membership would help me continue to grow in all areas of my life and hopefully share this knowlege with my clients (I'm a Social Worker). Thank you for all you do and all the knowledge you share!!! You are making the world a better place on video at a time!

[@heartbodyheadstrong2157]

Oh wonderful lady, thank you so much for all your videos, insight, shares, and time you really put into this. Just your videos alone have been altering how I approach things and relationships!!!!! On level of LIFE SAVING! No joke tho. If I was rich oh how I would just donate to you. What I can do is constantly recommend you to others. Oh please may I receive a win to the Personal Development School! It would be literally a life saving tool box for me to access in this time. I'm disabled and its such a thing to survive. I must get over trust issues and properly ask for and receive help. Things are scary. Watching your videos before communication with others has already been EXTREMELY changing things. I can't imagine how helpful the membership access could be, oh wow. I want to live longer and have goals for the greater good... Yet anyone who achieves does so with a team and support. I humbly and graciously would stick to this for I see the worth of your work, as I pray I can share similar (different but same same root intentions) of myself one day. Cassia of blissfactoryg

[@PeopleoftheFreeGift]

I entered the contest and love your channel. My wife of 19 years and I are at a crossroads. We both come from traumatic backgrounds. I am anxious preoccupied and she is fearful avoidant. I learned that from you and so much more. We both are in counseling, but would love to take several of your classes as we are both determined to make this work and get past our own prisons. Thank you for considering me.

[@anzelaiv]

As an FA, I always struggled with "vetting" potential partners and expressing needs, always thinking I was doing it wrong or had no right to ask questions and state my needs because the men I was seeing took it very badly, almost like "How dare you ask me about it?" Turns out, for the most part, I was always attracted to DAs who simply couldn't handle these conversations and got very defensive, so for most of my adult life, I actively stopped myself from learning these necessary skills, thinking I have no right to look after my own needs. It still feels strange learning about it but at least I know I've done nothing wrong by asking and making sure to get to know the person before making any serious commitments. I just wish I had access to these recourses much earlier in life.

[@lukejones2929]

Fearful avoidant here and I’m wanting to learn how to express my needs in relationships rather than just bottling up unmet needs until I can’t do it anymore. Winning would help me do that :)

[@abby4027]

2-3 needs per a date. Great tip!!! PDS has changed my life. With a lifetime membership I fell like I would be able to have an amazing amount of resources that I could use to help others when applying them in our relationship with each other.

[@lifecoachingtoronto]

I think some people go on dates focusing on creating connection, while it would help both of you to focus on seeing if you're a good fit, aka the vetting process :)

[@truthteller493]

Hello Thais and PDS community, Im an FA now Im working on boundaries and expressing needs. So many times I felt heartbroken when after people pleasing and giving everything I had to certain friends or romantic interests when I asked them for help or reassurance - either they ignored me or were too busy or told me I was too sensitive and wanted me to once again focus on them. After being so exhausted of being in one sided relationships with people who were happy to take and give tiny breadcrumbs but felt it was unfair or unreasonable when I asked for either more support or space. Now I have cut off people who were draining or only cared about their needs and Im pouring more love and attention into myself and loving friends who reciprocate. I love the message of this video and how low pressure and low key it is to express needs as a preference. Great work Thais. If I won the subscription to PDS school it will help me to heal old family trauma, improve my overwhelm and work and also help me to help other people too. Now I work as a language coach and help to motivate, support and encourage learners. One of my dreams in the future is to train as an attachment coach with Thais and PDS to reduce suffering and increase love and empowerment for myself and others

[@notsoanonymous686]

Thank you so much, Thais & the Personal Development School. I believe myself Secure, leaning Anxious. Specifically, I’ve always felt complete within myself until I meet someone I like, then my AP side wakes up… having been a single parent for 15yr, I’ve always felt a strong sense of self. But, around this time last year, I met someone who I felt “seen” and legitimately connected to, like no one I’d ever met before. We dated, had our moments, and then she ghosted me… It’s been almost a year since I’ve heard from her. And, to be honest, I’ve recognized this as an opportunity to truly do some soul searching. I’m thankful to recognize and work on myself, but here I am: I still miss her, and I still suffer. But, I don’t want to feel this way; I don’t want to be sad all of the time… Your channel has helped me more than I’m able to express. I intend on enrolling officially in the PDS regardless. …I know, turning my focus inward will help me heal & move on. Thank you for what you do & have done for me this year. 🙏🏽

[@connorlavis710]

My name is Connor and I have been watching the clips on FA's and learning as much as I can so I can fire and wire a new way of thinking in my relationships primarily with my family. Thank you This 🙏

[@Roguedaisey]

The first two minutes sure cleared up any possible doubts that I am an FA. Wow did that resonate!! 😅

[@ontologicalshock]

I could benefit greatly from having a lifetime, all-access membership to the Personal Development School. You've already helped me a lot, in regard to my personal growth over the last few years, and having access would allow me to dive deeper into learning about myself and how to interact effectively with people in my life. I'm wanting to study more psychology, so that I can continue to help myself and others manage their mental health and well-being. So, being a lifetime member of and having access to the Personal Development School would be a fantastic resource and tool that allows me to grow personally and assist others in their personal development as well. Thanks for all of your videos and wisdom! You've helped me tremendously and I appreciate your hard work and dedication to helping others improve their lives. 😄

[@vladimirtutunovic146]

Hello Thais! The first time I saw you was at podcast with Apollonia Ponti and it was one of the most important moments in my life! I never heard about Attachment theory before but the way you described me (I'm an FA with strong DA side) was so on point. You gave me insights in my own tendencies and behaviors when in relationship and more importantly you gave me hope! Since than I'm following your work via You Tube and inside PDS and your expertises have helped me a lot. I believe that I'm speaking in behalf of everyone here when I say that you are such a blessing and inspiration to all of us! Have a wonderful upcoming holydays and take care :)

[@sandrasegall1247]

PDS has been crucial to my personal growth journey💜 I wish it was accessible to more people and that children would get a chance to learn about this in school!! Thank you for all of the amazing content you make!

[@Jessica1201jmm]

I'd absolutely would love this. I have struggled stemming from childhood abuse. I am a FA & I struggle with BPD. I'm really trying, but sometimes I feel removed from society. Like I am lost & don't know how to truly connect to others. The more I have learned about attachment styles the more present I feel in my skin. Instead of kind of being cognitively distant, learning about attachment styles gives me something to make me present when I am engaging with people.

[@Jodi_EmpowerHerTransformation]

Yes! Your videos have already given me so much. A lifetime membership will be so appreciated for me to be able to work on self-growth ongoing 🌳 🌹 ❤️ 💙 💜 💖

[@Pavsize]

A friend recommended me to PDS. It is being extremely helpful in understanding the repeated patterns in my relationships in the personal and professional lives. There has been a lot of friction in navigating the interpersonal relationships, and it all makes sense now. I am looking forward to joining PDS to learn how to set boundaries with self/others, setting priorities and follow them through, etc. to build positive relationships, and grow both in personal life and in my career.

[@Cl-ue7wn]

PDS changed my life so much that i have convinced my sister and best friend to check out your 7 days trial so they can see how amazing your courses are. Thank you so much for your work, I think that all your courses are worth every penny I feel so much better already although I still have a lot of work to do! Im not giving up! 💕❤️

[@zakariyyamccullin1005]

Watching this videos helps me understand dating struggles romantically and this knowledge have extended to my family relationships and platonic ones. Thanks for the new content. This has helped me find peace during my own private sessions of therapy I have with my doctor.

[@aries_eyez]

I’m so grateful for this resource! PDS has truly shifted my perspective and is an anchor for me in my healing journey. It’s like a gift that keeps on giving.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

SO happy you're getting such good value from the channel!

[@celinebeaumont6693]

Dear Thais, What a gift your content has been. ✨ I can hardly find words to describe how being a part of the PDS (and it has been only a month!) has impacted my life. And the most beautiful thing is that it hasn't had a huge positive influence only on my life, but also on the life of my partner, mom and dad, sister and brother, my nieces, some of my friends and even colleagues! I notice how sharing the information and skills on how to have and maintain a healthy relationship has made us able to start to actually do just that! Such a relief and a wonderful experience.. ❤️ This is why I would love to receive a life-time membership, so I can keep on learning myself and spread the information, knowledge and skills in my environment and strengthening our connection. Thank you again for all that you and your team do. It has been a great gift to us all. 🙏 Big hugs from the Netherlands 🤗

[@1alexiarivera]

The Personal Development School would help me overcome the challenges I have struggled with since I was little, such as the lack of boundaries, emotional unavailability, subconscious blockages that have stopped me from truly connecting with others and finding a partner. Thank you

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thanks for your share Alexia! Good luck in the draw!

[@khristyharvey]

PDS has already truly changed my life. Over the past two years I have learned so much about myself and my relationships with others have grown and thrived. I have become so much better at setting boundaries and considering myself when making decisions or commitments. I have had tough conversations with family and have been able to heal those relationships. I am able to not take other people’s actions personally. I am able to recognize my triggers and can calm myself down quickly. I have been able to pass some of these ideas on to my family and friends and help them through things when I have the bandwidth. All of this has helped make me a better version of myself, bit I do recognize that I still have some things to unpack, particularly surrounding romantic relationships and how to consistently ask for what I want and voice my needs with a partner. I am choosing better, but I notice that level of closeness still triggers my trust wound. Please consider me for one of the free membership prizes. I have been unable to afford my membership for several months now, and I know there is a lot that I still want to work on and courses to finish. Thank you for your videos and the content that you provide everyday 😊.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Wow you've done such great work on yourself :) I wish you a lot of luck on the draw! Thank you for your lovely share :)

[@tuca3434]

This membership would be extremely helpful since I'm so interested in self growth as an FA. I'd have much more ease in the management of intimate relationships to the point of not needing to watch self help videos 24/7 lol.

[@heartfulintegrations2338]

Thank you Thais! I’m learning so much as a DA. More hope, acceptance and insights. I’m a PDS member until 12/20/22 - my procrastination has gotten the best of me & now I’m rushing through the courses. I’d truly appreciate a 6-12 months free membership 🙏

[@equteachme]

For years I couldn't identify what was wrong with my family relationships, at one time I thought I was adopted, I grew up neglected , I didn't want a family if it ment I could possibly be poor and treat my children the same way because of it. At 63 I'm the only one standing, what saved me was the horses, the horses showed me I wasn't a mess-up human. The horses let me touch them, calm them and help them feel secure with humans. I understand now that my parents were cptsd and helped make me avoidant attached, I struggle with it, wanting to create meaningful relationships. I can't even initiate a first date for fear that I'm wasting their time, and unsure of what it is I really want in the long run. I will overcome this, but I do need help.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Wow, thanks for such a vulnerable share Jean-Pierre. I wish you the best of luck in the draw!

[@rupax4375]

I tend to get highly dysregulated in relationships and I don't clue in until after the relationship dissolves. I hope PDS can help me to understand what is happening on a deeper level and help me to navigate romantic relationships with more ease.

[@reneelynn64]

Thank you for your content! I am just beginning to learn about attachments. I recognize myself as a people pleaser, anxious avoidant. I am stuck in fight\flight\freeze. This program sounds like a right path for me. I would be extremely grateful.

[@lilymulligan8180]

Love it! Ya know, this week I've been doing some journaling and realized that my AP attachment style and my crappy relationship with money are totally tied together... I've been single for a year now and while I'd love to start dating again within the next year, I feel like I need to focus on getting my financial situation in order first. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how these relate, if you're willing! A membership to PDS would definitely help me not only show up for myself in relationships, but I think it would also really help with my money mindset. Thanks Thais!

[@ThrivingNotDying]

As a FA, I look forward to improving my dating life. I need all the help I can get. I went on a date recently and was probably a bit too demanding of what I like and don't like and never heard back from the guy 🙃 Welp, you live and you learn.

[@cher8471]

As a DA I would appreciate even a 6 month pass for your wonderful school because I am tired of letting people down and unintentionally hurting and losing people I care for. Happy holidays and thank you so much for all you do!! 🌺♥ Love Misa

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for sharing Misa. Good luck on the draw!

[@ericbachman1]

I’m an AP who is not experienced at dating , newly divorced. Never really dated prior to marriage. I find myself constantly coming on too strong , too eager which ultimately ends the dates before something starts.

[@Muse720]

Yay for giveaways! My hope for winning access to the PDS would be to help me understand my own needs better & what healthy interdependence really is & feels like. I’ve been working on setting boundaries but as an FA tend to be so confused about what I need to heal or self soothe on my own vs when it’s appropriate to set a boundary because I’ve had a long history of gaslighting. I’m tired of self isolating out of fear & confusion & want to build meaningful connections. Thank you for the daily videos. So much to learn I enjoy soaking it up like a sponge 😊❤

[@bryanrobertday]

This is awesome. Thank you so much for this video

[@emilystevens1]

I am an fa that has spent my entire life stuck in people pleasing. I have never acknowledged that I had needs I would completely enmesh and disappear when I was dating someone. I could really use some help even identifying what my needs are so I can break this horrible cycle that ends up rewounding my rejection and abandonment

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Yes so important! Some people say the needs course has been the most impactful for them in their lives. Thanks for your comment and good luck in the draw!

[@MZSINCE89]

Does anyone know why DAs like to switch between first person and third person roles during a convo. Like for eg . My DA will be saying "we should go and do this and that" then 10 mins later he is saying "yea sounds good you should really go try that" ....its really annoying 😒

[@antoinettemills3689]

I’m a 52yr old woman and I have 4 adult children 3 which are married and 1 who is divorced and they don’t want to come to any event that my bf will be in attendance at. I’ve been in a relationship for 14 years which my best description of it is a merry-go-round type of relationship and neither of us will get off. I have avoided getting off out of fear of the unknown. I don’t want to go through the heart break and stomach ache of breaking up… but I know he is not treating me the way I should be in a relationship. I’m afraid of bumping into him with someone I know. But I’m tired of the disrespect, cheating and him with bipolar ways combined with narcissistic ways arguing and blaming me for not being OBEDIENT every weekend or right before special events. Where he will say I’m gonna PUNISH you so you can’t go. I’m a grown woman who has let countless men mistreat me I’m ready I’m ready to act like a lady but think like a man😊. Overall I’m ready to BECOME A BETTER ME… PLEASE HELP ME

[@Meg.1122]

Hello, Antoinette! I'm sorry you're been dealing with those things. I'm not a psychologist, but what I can tell about your situation is it would be better if you leave the toxic person, work on yourself, find peace and enjoy the last years of your life by doing things that fulfill you. I'm 30 years old, and I'd rather be alone than be with poeple who make me feel alone and unloved. Good luck and stay strong!^^

[@antoinettemills3689]

This is why I would love to win a place in the contest to go through your healing classes

[@antoinettemills3689]

@@Meg.1122 thank you

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

I am sorry you are experiencing all of that. Having said that, thank you for vulnerably sharing and I wish you the best of luck in the draw.

[@tk9721]

I would be so grateful to have he opportunity to go to the personal development school. I struggle as an FA. I would like to be the best version of myself I can be

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Yes! wishing you the best of luck on the draw then!

[@ShadowSis]

This was super helpful!

[@hinepepene2468]

Im 60 next year. Ive never been married and not been in relationship for 25yrs. If i dont learn how to show up in a relationship in a healthy and whole way then I better get use to remaining single for the rest of my days..

[@howtosober]

Yikes, you lost me at "especially with those with a more avoidant personality." 5:04 Just to be clear, I'm doing this work on myself to be secure so that I can partner exclusively with secure people from now on. I have absolutely no intention of getting involved with another DA ever again. EVER. That being said, I'm so grateful to have found this channel and the school, and winning the contest would mean the difference between being able to complete the curriculum toward full earned security or just try and do it alone with KZbin. I have no other resources at the moment, but even a 6-month membership would be amazing. I'd just crunch as many courses as I can. The stuff on time management and other unfortunate symptoms of CPTSD are really important for me, maybe even moreso than dating. I don't even want to date right now. (For my email address, go to my channel.. it's the same one I registered with on the website.)

[@sal2975]

🎶Express yourself🎶

[@tequilabumbum4373]

What if you are in a relationship with a DA who sees your basic needs as “too much” 😒 I learned how to express them but he seems annoyed to meet them, and see it as complaints

[@AlexaOrchid]

She has other videos about FA and DA dynamics.

[@tequilabumbum4373]

@@AlexaOrchid i know, Ive been following her for a long time. This was more of a rant, since without the DA actively working on himself too, theres no progress ://

[@thecurrentmoment]

If you express your needs and they are unwilling to meet them after a reasonable number of attempts (patience is needed for people to change), then you should think of how you can meet your needs on your own or maybe leave them and find someone who will. If you buy a car and it really doesn't meet your needs, even after much effort (problem solving, compromise adaptation, etc) then you probably need a different car. If you need a people mover van, no amount of creative delusion will change your mini into a people mover van.

[@annaynely]

👍