Fearful Avoidant & Limerence: 7 Fascinating Types You May Experience | HealingFa.com

[@sharkbite6577]

I wish more therapists knew about this not a single one that I’ve had could figure out what was wrong with me and why I kept running away from relationships/friendships. I would put down the person and made them out to be the problem and my therapists would immediately validate that on the first appointment and when I would break up with them my theripists (& myself) would be confused as to why I wasn’t magically cured in a new relationship.

[@johnton6488]

"It is not really love, it is a way to make you feel better. It is a projection of what you hope this person can do for you...". So true for so much people even not having FA attachment/BPD...

[@inare89]

I definitely identify with the 1st, 3rd and 6th type. I’ve been through all of them and I’m happy they’re in the past.

[@mr.soundguy968]

The part of being wanted (mainly sexually) also relates to sextimacy a lot, it's a fascinating topic. I have known of a girl who used to sleep with _a lot_ of guys, she's a very good friend of mine, but at some point she also wanted to sleep with me and that felt as if she only wanted it to feel better about herself. She's a people pleasing person by a lot, and that definitely stems from her childhood

[@taequility3655]

Almost all of them are the real reasons for my past toxic relationship with older than me guy who I looked up to. I wanted to be saved, I wanted to be valued by his accomplishments, I wanted him to change his behaviors for me, and oh god, with his libido I def was sexually desired by him, and the fact he was my first sexual partner didn't help the case. Now I'm in healthy relationship but still sometimes I kinda seek that chaos and wildness I had with my ex in my current boyfriend, but I know its unhealthy and I need to heal it.

[@Heyokasireniei468sxso]

omg this makes so much sense to the past me , thank you for making this connection, I really couldn't figure out where that was coming from and connecting too

[@AMBELLINA77]

I think I can do multiple types at the same time. Lol. Learning about limerence is changing my perspective on my entire past, present, and future as it relates to relationships, pets, and hobbies. It's happened before but this time I just want it to stop. I like sleeping all night. I can't even.

[@RobbiJamesVogt]

My ex is sexual limerent - it’s too bad. She’s a great person that has no idea how many people love her. We tried a relationship but once the honeymoon stage was over - she felt I no longer wanted her due to a decrease in sex. She also loved dealing with men that weren’t available…

[@lifeisbeautiful7047]

Can you talk about the FA-anxious trap

[@DD-ic1bd]

Thank you so much Pauline!.. you are always so spot on... very helpful!!💞

[@joshliam1967]

This video was so incredibly helpful for me, thank you.

[@YimperberriesAlliance]

I might have asked this question on a video you did awhile back, can't remember - but I was definitely interested in your take. Thank you very much!

[@panda-yr6ul]

Thank you so much for your videos Paulien, they have helped me understand myself so much 💖

[@alirh1145]

this is so much accurate and helpful thank you alot

[@professionalnoob6027]

this year i’ve experienced all 7 types you describe through two different people… suddenly limerence has started ruining my life

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

❤

[@anitayougotit885]

Thank you! Right now I’m going through that one to be wanted! I feel it so much, since you mentioned it here and I felt it already in the dynamic with that person I‘m seeing. It’s a roommate and colleague. I caught myself that I feel safe about that retreat part. I noticed it cause I imagined a healthy relationship instead and had the thoughts that it can be only boring and bring up fears cause I have to show myself more. Thank you for that video. Working on compassion with myself. I feel not ready to end it. We communicate very openly and „know“ what we’re doing. But I have thoughts like that there would just be emptiness if I choose to say no to that connection.

[@nicoleciffone9063]

Can see it so much more clearly now

[@DockClock-rp2ro]

The problem is that I want to "save my ex" from her FA attachment -- the same one I have. The similarities in our personalities are scary. Similar mannerisms and speech patterns. I can't shake the limerence. Everytime I find out my behaviours are because of this, I want to share it with her. I don't know how I feel, or if I can trust my own feelings. I wanted our relationship to work, but I know we both sabotaged it. Now we're stuck in this weird avoidant no-contact limbo.

[@bri643]

Omg the connections I’m making from this is insane, I can’t thank you enough!!!!!!! 🙏🏽❤

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

So happy to hear Bee!

[@DaPoofDaPoofDaPoofDa]

The “Crappy childhood Fairy “ here on KZbin SPEAKS ALL ABOUT THIS ~ Anna Runkle, is her name, her channel is Gold, a god send Take care everyone 🙏💜

[@siltuck]

I am so excited to have come across your channel a couple of weeks ago! To say it changed my life is not an overstatement! Thank you for all the work that you do - you are amazing

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Ah thank you for taking the time to write that! I will write that topic down for a future video!

[@argentvixen]

Mine was unavailable physically but the focus of my motivation for healing myself. Unraveling this from my healing journey has been tricky. Think I am getting there tho.

[@fiction589]

Dear Paulien, can you explain more about the connection and the equal level that is necessary for that? I feel like there is a lot of power play, tug of war and egos rubbing against each other in most relationships. I find it so sad to see couples break apart because they cant find their way back to equality, and to the lost connection. And I dont know what to do about it, since I am totally sensitive and only into harmony 😚 Thank you 💚

[@ruxandraberescu427]

I didn t know the word either 😂 i kept skipping this video bcs i thought it wasn t important. But once I looked it up I immediately played the video😂

[@oceansoflorewi]

I LOVE not being wanted- its the biggest turn on- SICK! What is that even called- a rejection fetish?

[@freespirit12]

That's what happened to me. I thought I can save my ex. I almost loose myself in the process because of that. I thank God for waking me up and lead me to these types of videos. ❤️ Still on the healing process 😊

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Thanks for sharing❤

[@freespirit12]

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 you're welcome. ❤️ Thank you too for your videos. It helps a million people out there who struggle the same attachment style as I am and how to improve ourselves to be a secured one in the future 💖

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

@@freespirit12 ❤❤❤

[@johnton6488]

You cant safe her, nor him. I tried that, even after learning that it is not possible. You cant change people, especially when they do no want to be changed. It is so hard to even change ourselves...

[@alisjarutz1821]

Hey, thank you for making Videos about this topic. It already helped me to understand my emotions better and better which is a huge step for me. So thank you so so much

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Do you already have an existing crush on someone, or are you afraid you will fall in love with someone somewhere in the future?

[@Louceee]

Yes to this topic please! As the (ex) partner of a fearful-avoidant who had an emotional affair and then went out with them, I would love to know. I am trying to learn so my ex and I can try again...

[@alisjarutz1821]

@@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870 Im sorry, I didnt saw your answer and I don‘t know it it matters anymore but I have a crush that just doesn‘t go away. The relationship is very unsafe, meaning I never know what to predict. Im sure thats why its still going on. So if you plan on doing a Video I hope that helped to unterstand

[@puddlesplasher7]

I'm struggling with a fearful-avoidant attachment style, and felt a lot of limerance toward my therapist once I was finally able to open up and talk to her, and over time it has flipped and now I think she likes me less because she is finding out I'm messed up, and also, I hurt because therapy is a lot of work, and she likely wouldn't even interact with me in real life, wouldnt choose me to interact with in real life, and somehow that is painful to me, although it sounds so silly.

[@zuzaadler3943]

I came across your channel recently and oh god, such a relief! I also have a quick question... Can a limerence be partial? Like sometimes it's present and sometimes it's not? And can a relationship where it appears be saved?

[@tinaroberts7549]

I wonder if it can be partial or possibly mild Limerence too.

[@SD-rm5ty]

Again if THIS is the lesson f**ing great! Now LETS MOVE ON! 😂😂

[@user-vr1xn4pt3s]

Yah 4, 5, 7 Yikes…

[@tanalee7592]

Do you have any videos about how to stay present?

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

I wrote it down to make a video about it!

[@daker1941]

Ironically, the name Arjen comes from Sanskrit and means bright, shining.

[@batteria54]

How come you don’t work in this field?