begging for forgiveness on reddit (r/AmITheDevil)

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[@NearsightedNarhwal]

“She wasn’t acting like a wife” Brother she *built* a human

[@2ndperky]

Its like traditionally and historically considered to be the most wife-y thing a wife can do

[@VoeVoe91]

That part!

[@BbVortexMortinghan]

I love how "acting like a wife" is just straight up code words for "performing sexually for me anytime I want with zero notice"

[@paulovitorsouzanunes4854]

​@@BbVortexMortinghan You love it? I personaly hate it

[@cookie_327]

​@@paulovitorsouzanunes4854 lol they're being sarcastic

[@biohazardwolf2444]

The one with the guy demanding compensation for seeing his kids, he never said "my kids" or "our kids". He said "the kids" as if they aren't even his. Gross.

[@WickedKatze]

even worst, in the first mention he called them "HER kids"

[@kiku-goldenflower7731]

Honestly I would like to hear the ex wife's side of the story. I bet there's a whole lot being left out.

[@KireiC]

​@@WickedKatzeright?? The phrasing had me thinking maybe they were her kids from a prior relationship, but no! I even sympathize with feeling she wants to walk back full custody that it seems she sought vindictively - but the kids had no say in any of that. I can't imagine ditching my kids if my spouse and I split, even on bad terms. But then, I view them as their own people and not extensions of me or my spouse.

[@Sad-Lesbian]

In his mind, they weren't. The second she got full custody, they were no longer his kids to him. Which is absolutely disgusting.

[@Zectifin]

@@Sad-Lesbian she made the right choice. I had a friend who had a kid young and the mother got primary custody and he barely got every other weekend. , but would pawn the kid off on him and his parents all the time. he was a good dad and did everything he could for the kid even though the courts favored her. Eventually as his child got older she could advocate for herself, she came out as nonbinary (and later as trans) and the mom decided she was just gonna take their child all the way to the complete other side of the country without informing the courts. they immediately awarded my friend full custody and he and his new wife immediately took his kid out of state with blessings from the court. She has a great family and her new stepmom is awesome. Thats why you fight for your kids. Honestly sounds like its double toxic in this story, but we only get 1 side.

[@hattrickk15]

I never understand when guys explain cheating by saying "I needed someone to talk to". Like ok but that doesn't mean you to SLEEP WITH THEM

[@Kfroguar]

It's very messed up. There's something really interesting going on there on a sociological level. Like he's been so conditioned that the only person he should get emotional support from is a sexual partner that when he starts to get that support elsewhere he assumes that this must be a romantic relationship.

[@parmisvazifeh140]

I know right? Just go to a f therapist... go to a book club... tf?

[@KingOfGaymes]

Because straight men think therapy is for weak people and girls apparently

[@theinvisiblewoman5709]

lol so he doesn’t have friends, siblings, parents, etc etc anything beats cheating

[@itsobviouslyyuta1461]

Fr. The way they act like pulling out your shlong is essential for conversation

[@ellicurus]

Reminder to everyone that the 6 weeks of healing time after giving birth isn’t so much about the vaginal canal, that thing bounces back like you wouldn’t believe. It’s due to the fact that the placenta detaching leaves an OPEN WOUND that can super easily be reopened, get infected, and cause permanent trauma to the uterine muscles if another pregnancy tries to implant before it’s healed.

[@moonshinershonor202]

Thx

[@pinkbluepanter2374]

Also it isn't always about physical health either. It's a completely new situation and there are hormones and maybe body image issues or you just need to adjust to having your body back to yourself. Like a 1000000 reasons why someone needs so set their own time for being sexually active again. Come on its not that hard to understand

[@saltydinonuggies1841]

@@pinkbluepanter2374and also: new freaking baby just exists now. That takes some adjustment! Most parents are way too tired the first few weeks regardless of any recovery from labor!!! But then you add that physical recovering on top and expecting someone to just immediately want to jump in bed with you like that is absolutely freaking INSANEEEEEE

[@thewritegrump]

Thank you for the explanation; I knew that you can't have sex immediately after giving birth, but I didn't know why!

[@maddiemainer]

research even suggests that women don’t feel “back to normal” until about 2 years after birth or a year past the cessation of breastfeeding. you are an entirely different person, incredibly scared & tired, & barely keeping it together for literally 2 fucking years after 9 months of literal hell & one of the most dangerous & painful experiences a human being goes through.

[@2ndperky]

"...didnt act like a wife..." what a wild fucking thing to say, especially coming from the unfaithful one.

[@Rokreder]

I think that's cope. He's trying to rationalize and defend his actions to himself after the fact, because he knows how bad it looks

[@2ndperky]

@@Rokreder Absolutely. It's just a crazy thing to say when you zoom out and look at everything as a whole. You'd think that maybe it would click that that is a very hypocritical statement to make as a cheater, but bro still didn't realize that somehow.

[@BelBelle468]

A wife isn’t the husband’s mother, it’s the mother of your child. I don’t understand why men get this so confused. Do they not know what being a husband or father is?

[@nickronca1562]

It's not his fault he cheated! She didn't act like a wife! **this is sarcasm**

[@lizabee7791]

“She wasn’t acting like a wife” and you weren’t acting like a husband by sleeping with someone else

[@gracel2mart]

Yeah like, what happened to his “in sickness and in health”

[@moonshinershonor202]

Dude had one job. Like literally since puberty every guy has it beat into them to keep their hands to themselves and resist temptation.

[@Eddysig]

Yeah lmao. And realistically, she WAS acting like a wife, in that moment the just-given-birth, resting due to sickness wife was her role

[@complainer406]

Nah that makes his actions sound justified

[@moonshinershonor202]

@@complainer406 because of the wife not satisfying his needs, him finding someone else against her wishes? Idk b I won't say so

[@ttintagel]

Why was that first guy not at home TAKING CARE of his BEDRIDDEN WIFE?!?

[@samihaislam9676]

because men ☕️

[@tiahnarodriguez3809]

@@samihaislam9676 Men 🍺. They aren’t refined enough to use the ☕️ emoji.

[@K1k1y0mi]

​@@tiahnarodriguez3809 in this case it should be 🧃

[@unbekannternutzer25]

​@@tiahnarodriguez3809 more like men 🍼 then

[@KingOfGaymes]

Because straight men 💀

[@Mir_Teiwaz]

First guy is the embodiment of "men will literally do anything but see a therapist".

[@sarahnelson8836]

So is the last one.. guy mentions his mental health and offers couples therapy which they don’t really need. He’s the one who wants/needs a therapist but doesn’t seem willing to go….

[@petermj]

the bf that "helped" his gf's brother saying he was "pulled into this" is INSANE. like dude you quite literally inserted yourself into it. not a single person told you to get involved. in fact you were told not to get involved. hello????? definition of f-cked around and found out

[@dissipatedcloud]

Not to mention the reason he did it was to "prove her wrong." Ugh.

[@MethuselahWinter]

I feel a tiny bit bad because I understand wanting to help people but his reasoning and beliefs about "blood". When your partner tells you to not get involved in their family drama, listen to them.

[@HazelSageHP]

I'll give him credit that he at least admitted he fucked up at the end and didn't try to wheedle his way out of responsibility! But yeah, his reasons for doing it were gross and you can't force these things!

[@nickronca1562]

@@dissipatedcloud Am I a bad person for thinking that he really isn't a bad person, just really really stupid?

[@catherinej6542]

The way the guy in the second story says "our kids" referring to them pre-custody battle and then "her kids" afterwards🤢

[@DiligentThroat]

@@jojov5344being vindictive doesn’t make the kids any less his.

[@jojov5344]

@@DiligentThroat I don’t disagree hence why I said he should be the bigger person here and still be in his kids life

[@holosniffer7569]

​@@DiligentThroatBlame the Mother then, It's her fault for tiring out the dad.

[@renee4736]

@@holosniffer7569he’s tired ? She’s the one who is tired!! The kids are tired!! He is a grown man, a father, he needs to step up.

[@renee4736]

@@holosniffer7569those are still his kids it won’t hurt him to take them to the park every weekend

[@StonedHunter]

I'm sorry how does ANYONE view that last story as a betrayal at all? How the hell does she owe him anything when he cheated on her? The amount of ownership people give men over women even after they blow up the relationship is astounding. I cannot imagine being that obsessive over an ex like holy shit.

[@paytonc5899]

I don't think that part is true. He probably lied or twisted something they actually said to make him seen right.

[@lone6718]

He also didn’t have any friends in his life that would have brought it up either. Why didn’t anyone else what to fill him in? Seems odd.

[@sarahnelson8836]

I think it’s hella weird he brings up mental health and couples therapy but seemingly isn’t willing to go to therapy on his own?!? Like he did make these bad decisions and he does have to live with them - I think a therapist would be good for him. If he is actually willing to put in the work that is

[@BelBelle468]

@@paytonc5899 it’s a “betrayal” in the way ppl say friends and exes aren’t supposed to date. Some ppl stand by that belief and others do not. In this eyes, his friend and her’s “betrayal” was “worse” than cheating.

[@silverkyre]

​@sarahnelson8836 yep I was hoping she would bring that up. He wants to make this a relationship problem and not a problem he has. Likes that he blame his wife for having problems instead of doing something himself.

[@erinwhipple4666]

I’m sorry, I can’t think how one can “act like a wife” any more than BIRTHING YOUR CHILD. That is the epitome of wifely duties.

[@aenera6555]

yeah but I mean the birthing was like yesterday so like what wifely duties is she doing today? (sarcasm)

[@xbluebirdx]

Not that there are any actual wifely "duties". She didn't owe him this, yet she did it and he behaved this way.

[@elisehalflight]

Excuse me but I am very confident in my ability to be a wife without the need of having to poop a baby

[@erinwhipple4666]

@@elisehalflight I never said that not having kids makes you a bad wife

[@jacade5898]

I get it, people who spout "wifely duties" usually talk about how a wife has to give birth as fast (sometimes as often) as possible

[@KiboSanti]

I would be so thoroughly PISSED if I found out my partner or my in-laws ever "reached out" to "help" someone in my bio-family, like the third story. Sometimes people cut ties for very good reason. Good intentions and kind gestures simply can't immediately fix decades-old problems.

[@CS-zq1nh]

He didn't do it out of kindness. He did it so he could say "I told you so!' to his girlfriend.

[@nationalinstituteofcheese3012]

@@CS-zq1nhThat’s a good point. While I was going to give him props for being aware at the end, I’m starting to think he’s less of an idiot but more of an asshole

[@chiaracarlotta3884]

That would be worse than cheating. I would never forgive that

[@olivers_playlists7343]

Some men really seem to quit loving their children at the drop of a hat, or have only tolerated them when they didn't have to take on any real parental duties.

[@nevaehhamilton3493]

It's because they see children as a status symbol in the middle class world. Why else would an arrogant and narcissistic all-American family man have children in the first place? It's disgusting that people like him exist. I'm even more disgusted that I'm a human.

[@katem.3677]

Some men only love their kids as much as they love the kids' mother.

[@maddiemainer]

which is insane because of how many push women into having them to “further their legacy”. they really don’t care after they spread their seed

[@imzadi83fanvids7]

He never loved them in the first place. At best they were wanted as a status symbol or to placate the wife's desire to have kids. He never wanted to be a father or he would take the opportunity to be one.

[@chorizoramen93]

He never loved them. Most men are fully sociopaths and I stand by that

[@trcsunny2187]

There is no excuse to cheat on your pregnant wife. None. If the second guy doesn’t want to see his kids he should go to court and give up his parental rights. He’d be doing his kids a big favor.

[@pennyforyourthots]

He did actually give them up. The ex-wife has full custody. The conflict comes from the mother still wanting the father to have a relationship with the kids, even if he doesn't have custody (because you can not have the skills to be a caregiver, and still have a relationship with your children).

[@theinvisiblewoman5709]

@@pennyforyourthotsnot true. Plenty of biological parents have relationships with other their kids who are adopted by loving families. You don’t have to have any type of custody to build familial bonds. What he did do was give their mom evidence and receipts to show the kids when they ask “why doesn’t dad ever spend time with us?”

[@prettyevil6662000]

@@M-WG The government will also not allow you to give up parentage unless there is someone stepping in to adopt. The government doesn't want to be responsible for the kids if welfare is ever needed. Nor should the government have to be. You made the kids, pay your support!

[@maddieb.4282]

@@prettyevil6662000no, plenty of foster kids have parents who have had their rights terminated and in this case it’s not even relevant because the kids already have a custodial parent

[@linren901]

If you are married, flirting with someone else is never harmless.

[@Tree-House69]

The fact that she called it harmless flirting when it lead to cheating on him is completely and utterly baffling to me lmao? Like bruh... It clearly wasn't harmless y'all snogged.

[@Lanoira13]

Unless it's a prior agreed upon thing you and your partner are okay with, of course. If you're flirting with someone when you don't know your partner would be okay with it, or worse you know they wouldn't be, then yeah, that's already harm, you're fucking with your partner's trust in you.

[@meganvincent5381]

"She wasn't acting like a wife" HER COOCHIE WAS JUST BESEIGED GIVE HER A BREAK

[@jello4835]

The guy complaining that he can't "trust" his ex-wife anymore after marrying his friend is so deranged. Even if he did have a reason to be upset (which he obviously doesn't), he doesn't need to "trust" her. She clearly wants nothing to do with him. There's no relationship there that needs to be repaired by talking it out. You can't act like someone lost your trust by keeping secrets when they have been refusing all contact with you for years.

[@zoeg5304]

He was talking about not trusting his current wife since she had known his ex wife for remarried for a while and didn’t tell him. But either way she apparently found out through social media so he probably could have too

[@Sleipnirseight]

Red flags from story one post: - The situation itself - "I had a lapse in judgement" - Justifying his repeated "lapses in judgment" by blaming his wife for recovering from a physically demanding, even traumatic event - "How can I _make_ her forgive me" --> icky on its own, but double icky considering he knows she'll read this and even speaks directly to her at the end of the post - "I'll buy you whatever" I'm sure I'm missing more!

[@megawonszrzeczny9]

Also the fact that he cheated 3 times over the course of a few months so it wasn't a "lapse in judgement"

[@_Definitely_Not_A_RobloxFan]

yeah its a choice like once thats shitty enough but 3 TIMES its just a fucking lie@@megawonszrzeczny9

[@ajjean2720]

Honestly the fact that he won’t leave her alone. I feel like respecting her boundaries and giving her space would show to me, he on some level understands that he royalty screwed up. The whole “I said I was sorry so you have to forgive what do I have to do to get the forgiveness I want” is a red flag. He’s learned nothing and still putting his needs/wants before hers.

[@Imjustkendall]

He has made a severe and continuous lapse in judgment

[@crazyratlady3115]

I can understand why the second guy's wife wanted full legal custody - he sounds like a goddamn nightmare and I couldn't imagine cooperating with him far enough to decide what to eat for dinner, never mind raising kids.

[@Beeperoni]

The mindset of “family first!!!!” Definitely comes from people who don’t have extreme trauma and criminal activity from family members. I would LOVE to have relationships with my family but uhhhhhh that’s a really bad idea for everyone.

[@Mike-di1og]

I fully believe that the only two types of people who hold that attitude are abusers and abuse victims. Abusers to keep their victims under their thumb, victims to try and explain away the abuse they’ve experienced. The only reasons you would ever insist on family bonds being inviolable are if you recognize that it would imperil your own family bonds otherwise. Even if you have a genuinely picture perfect family life you can at least admit that others don’t. Refusing to admit that family doesn’t trump everything is something done out of ulterior motives.

[@jesusgarza7960]

@@Mike-di1og real

[@MoxyVerve]

The 2nd one made me sick, full custody is typically granted when there are VALID reasons for doing so. Obviously the mother only has her children’s best interests at heart.

[@itsgabbybtch5587]

Yes, but that's why I'm wondering why she's wanting him around the kids. I don't know, if I wasn't willing to give the other parent joint custody, then I'd be hesitant to just drop off my kids with the person even if it's temporarily. I feel like the mother should be side eyed a bit too, only because sole custody means the other parent isn't the most trustworthy, yet here she is begging him to take the kids for short periods of time. Supervised visitation is one thing, but it doesn't sound like that's what she was asking for.

[@Malcorpse]

Guarantee the guy didnt want custody just wanted to stick it to his ex and if he did have any custody would just pawn them off on his mom and still not be a father

[@Sanakudou]

At the start of his own post he said he was the one who decided to give up custody because he got fed up with the divorce process, but he then goes on today she “wanted full custody” and use that as a reason not to raise his kids, totally omitting his agency in having wilfully given away his custody rights. He sees “custody” as the only thing that binds a parent to a child, so by “she’s trying to manipulate me to pull her weight” he’s being grossly misleading, what he’s actually saying is being asked to just be present in the lives of those kids is being asked to do something he no longer should be made to do, as “only custody” creates that obligation.

[@tiahnarodriguez3809]

@@Sanakudou Thats how I saw the situation. He doesn’t actually want to take responsibility for the kids, but he’ll blame his ex as a final jab at her. This dynamic is not unusual. He’ll probably tell anyone who asks that his wife and the court wouldn’t let him have custody, and conveniently leave out the but where he chose to forgo the custody process.

[@petthequeenofmaddness8592]

@@Sanakudou a drawn out legal battle can get expensive and it sounds like the kids are still young

[@Wolf_Avatar]

It's wild to me that the woman who had an affair then decided to snoop through her husband's private messages to see how much he knew. What a terrible person.

[@jasminedavis3030]

Even worse, during her affair, she kept trying to push for kids. Which means she was aiming to trap the poor man. I'm glad he found out before they did actually have kids and has hopefully left her sorry ass.

[@IAmContemporary]

The custody guy’s logic is “I’m not legally responsible so I should be compensated for hanging out with them”. How does he deal with other family or friends? “I’m legally an adult so I should be compensated for going to see my parents”? “I have no legal ties to my friends, so they should pay me to hang out with them”? Wtf.

[@raventolliver4316]

This father believes spending time with his children is babysitting. That’s why he feels like he should be compensated. He’s not even thinking about his children as people worth developing a bond and relationship with, but “stuff” his ex-wife wants him to hold onto for a couple hours

[@DoritoBot9000]

The poor wife is not only trying to help the kids having a father figure, but also the OP so that he has a relationship with his own children! I bet he will regret it in the future. How dumb can one be……

[@jainthorne4136]

Did I understand that fourth story right? She wants to feel young but also wants a baby??? She should never have a baby. They are the ultimate in making you have to be grown up and adult.

[@CrystalSki67]

Yeah, freaking wild

[@ndawn90]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who clocked that!

[@keke5577]

That whole story read like she got married because she was ‘supposed’ to, not because she wanted to. It’s probably the same reason she wanted a baby and doesn’t want divorce. She’s more worried about what others will think. I hope her husband gets out of there.

[@DeuxMilleVingtQuatre]

About the third story: I am a very firm believer in that a parent, sibling, aunt, uncle, grandparent, in-law, cousin, even an adult son or daughter who perpetually treats you badly does NOT get a free pass to your love, your time, favours etc. just because they are biologically (or otherwise) related to you. If you are the parent of a child you have a responsibility for that child, but as far as any other family member is concerned, don't be afraid to cut off contact with someone who doesn’t contribute positively to your life in any way.

[@princessofhell4639]

No cus my philosophy is if you wouldn't like want to be their friend if they were just a stranger you met outside why should the blood change anything??

[@VideosForYou90]

Straight facts!

[@Vampress09]

Some people like the OOP like to find that out the hard way lol. I can't empathize with him much.

[@Xkid14]

Things like this make "the blood of the coven is thicker than the water of the womb" my favorite quote. Just because your blood "family" does not mean they can act how they want and stay in your life

[@nevaehhamilton3493]

That's why I refuse to waste my time in the wasteful indulgences of family.

[@2ndperky]

I think it's normal to feel lonely because your wife is bedridden and asleep all the time. However, how you go about handling that, is important. Just because your feelings are valid, doesn't make being unfaithful and dishonest valid.

[@tiahnarodriguez3809]

I don’t think it’s feeling lonely so much as they feel like they don’t have a sexual outlet. The reason why men who want kids will stall with having them is because they don’t want to wait six weeks after their wife gives birth because their sexual needs are that important to them as if they don’t have a left hand. On a serious note, there are couples who have an agreement for the 6 weeks, or if the wife gets PPD that the husband gets a hall pass. It’s terrible because the wife feels horrible, but she loves her husband and doesn’t want him straying without her knowledge, so she thinks approving of his sex partner puts her mind at ease, but it doesn’t.

[@2ndperky]

@@tiahnarodriguez3809 Its definitely a thing just for that guy, not most guys for sure. I'm probably opening up a bit too much with this one but screw it, I feel like this is a safe space. I'm a cisgender man, and I'm in a relationship with someone who is asexual (and I am not asexual). I adore and love my partner so much that it doesn't bother me, and that's been the case for a little over eight years. We started dating while we were pretty young admittedly, but we don't really do anything today and im almost 24. Sometimes when I can't see my partner because they're sick or really busy with work, I feel lonely. Dudes just be lonely sometimes, and so do women, so is literally everyone and anyone really. Humans are extremely social creatures and people have suffered psychological problems due to extreme isolation. Socialization is almost as essential as food and water. That's what I mean when I say it's okay and very normal for men (or anyone) to feel lonely. Like most common feelings or emotions, they're valid, but how you act of them is what really determines the morality of one's intentions. I just don't want to demonize loneliness so that's why I'm explaining this really. I think the "loneliness" in this video isn't the traditional loneliness that humans commonly experience. I think when the OP said he was lonely, he actually meant what you said, which is he just craves a sexual outlet. I think you hit the nail on the head there, 100%. I say that because he seemed like he just didn't care for his wife's feelings or well being very much. So I don't think its fair to say he's lonely. It's more accurate to say he's kinda just horny plus just not very caring. Again, it's fine to feel horny, but how you act on it is what matters. Resorting to infidelity because someone is horny and uncaring is not only immoral, but it's pretty pathetic. It feels like some guys just don't know the difference between love and lust. That's just one of many problems men seem to commonly have in our society

[@faeb.9618]

i mean, even bedridden she's still a human being that exists in the same house, it cannot possibly be that hard to actually spend some time together and check in on her while she's awake and the baby is either asleep or being babysat??

[@prettyevil6662000]

@@faeb.9618 Exactly. Hop in bed with her and cuddle. Have a little chat for a bit. She's likely exhausted physically but would love some mental stimulation. But the problem is that he wants sex, not a conversation partner. He's just using lonely as a way to say he's feeling pent up.

[@WaryJester]

Full custody doesn't mean the other parent's rights are terminated. It just means you're a weekend parent who should be paying support.

[@tofoo1]

The problem is that many women are given rights to the children over men, and men still have to pay child support and not be able to see their kids

[@WaryJester]

@@tofoo1 the problem is men who don't want to see their own kids, especially if it's only to "punish" the ex. That's what this situation is. He still needs to pay up and listen to his ex, who WANTS him to see the kids.

[@tofoo1]

So you men men who abandon their families? If thats what you mean i completely agree@@WaryJester

[@WaryJester]

@@tofoo1 not gonna deny some ladies are crazy af, of course, but for this situation that's exactly what I mean lol

[@tofoo1]

ohh gotcha@@WaryJester

[@julefrey7156]

That last story 😂 So hes your best friend, you havent seen or talked to in years, that tells you hes married and you werent invited to the wedding and you still think hes your best friend or that you are his best friend?

[@nomollyshere]

Dude can’t imagine anyone not liking him/not being friends with him🙄🤦🏻‍♀️🤣🤣

[@sneakysnek572]

it's kind of funny to me that the guy who was mad about his 'best friend' marrying his ex-wife didn't connect the dots about WHY he and his friend hadn't spoken. Plenty of friends can go long periods of time without talking, but the fact that the time lines up perfectly is wild. His friend stopped talking to him during the pandemic. He got divorced during the pandemic, meaning he had that affair during/before the pandemic. I don't think this guy has more than 2 brain cells to rub together.

[@jayladunn6672]

I’m

[@Joker.772]

Story two: This is just another example of how society sees children as objects and not people

[@ursidae97]

I think some part of him knows that if he is involved in their lives he may lose the ability to objective them without causing himself some damage.

[@ashtonstout7375]

“Pulled into it?” Dude, you sought it out with a private detective.

[@FritzMonorail]

I cannot overstate how sickening the second post was. How could you just not love your own children? He didn’t even use the word love once he said “like”

[@mikaylaredona5978]

Why do people keep acting like 30 is so old or like a death sentence ? I turn 30 in exactly a week and I’m so damn excited for it. I feel like your 20s are the extension of your teenage years because you’re in the first phase of living life as an adult and learning so much about yourself. I am also married and I don’t feel like a lot changed in my relationship very much. Maybe op wasn’t ready to married.

[@Cloverkitty]

As someone who's also been married since my 20s (since my so and I were 19, in fact) I can honestly say the marriage has only gotten better over time, so I concur. OP def is not marriage material.

[@DoritoBot9000]

Congrats on having such a healthy mindset! I wish I had been as smart as you 😅 I bawled my eyes on my 30th birthday… so dumb! It was all in my head. Early thirties didn’t feel any different to be honest.

[@Zaddy-Lu]

I remember being told I "wasn't acting like a wife" the day after I gave birth. My ex brought a woman back to our house that night and had noisy you-know-what in our bedroom while I was sent to sleep on the couch. What's worse is my parents were there, visiting from out of state, and there is no way they didn't hear.

[@gemh89]

Holy feck, that's absolutely awful!!! My ex went off the deep end, but after a few years of hell, he's gotten to a good place and we are Co parenting well. I'm so sorry that this happened to you, I really hope you have friends/family other than the out of state parents, because I was all on my own, in a tiny flat at the top of a famously scummy multi story. A social worker became more of a friend and was leaning hard on the housing places and all of a sudden a beautiful wee hoose with a tree and garden was available, we are happy here and my ex is working to patch things up (we'll never be together again tho) and is seeing our boy again. Hugs across the pond from Scotland xx

[@sarahnelson8836]

… that’s not okay. At all. Ever.

[@Zaddy-Lu]

@@gemh89 We had it very rough for a lot of years. We moved 2,500 miles away from my family to live with, and then near his mom. I had a 2nd child 17 months later, by that time he was very s**ually ab*sive. I found him touching our 2 month old while looking at CP. I left with a stroller, a duffel bag, and my 2 children. The court evaluator believed everything he said, and disbelieved anything I said that contradicted his stories. He got the court to tell me I couldn't move out of the county we lived in. When I mentioned the CP she said "for all I know, you downloaded it to frame him" He told them I starved our infant to get attention for myself. I told the evaluator that was untrue, she said "look at you, you obviously forget to feed yourself, so of course you forget to feed your baby" My baby had a hyper metabolism and wasn't suckling correctly, so was burning more calories than they were able to take in. I was ordered to have a nurse watch me feed my baby for 17 days, then for the next year was threatened weekly by the pediatrician that if my baby didn't gain more weight, they would put them in foster care because "we have foster moms who know how to feed babies" I didn't have any friends. My ex got unsupervised overnights, and my kids & I spent 3½ years bouncing between DV & homeless shelters. We finally got stable housing, but my kids continued to be hurt by their sperm donor. 8 years later, the kids had told enough people about what their "dad" was doing, and were finally considered old enough that the court was willing to interview them. He immediately lost all custody, and was only allowed to have supervised visitation for 3 hours twice a month. He claimed that paying the court approved supervisor was $100 an hour, even though they averaged $15-$25 an hour, so he stopped seeing them. That was 9½ years ago now, the kids are finally starting to be willing to talk about their experiences with a therapist, and my ex moved out of the country. So at least there's a happy ending. Your experience sounds so rough 😞 I'm so glad you guys landed on your feet, and that your ex is improving. Thank you so much for your kind words 💜

[@Zaddy-Lu]

@@gemh89 We actually moved from my parents/siblings being an 8 hour drive away to almost a 2 day drive away, but they aren't great people, so it's not nearly as bad as if they were a good support system. I didn't have any family or friends around me, and found myself with my 2½ year old & 3 month old living in DV and family shelters for over 3 years. We finally got stable housing almost 4 years after I left my ex, eventually getting my ex out of our lives just after my eldest's 11th birthday. We are doing good now, just the 3 of us. My oldest is 20 and my youngest will be 18 soon. Thank you for your kind words of support and well wishes 💜 Wow your situation sounds tough, I'm so glad you & yours are in a good place now & that your ex is improving. I hope the best for y'all 🙂

[@Zaddy-Lu]

@@gemh89 Side note, I'm ⅛ Scottish on my mom's side. I hope to visit there some day. Apparently we have a tartan, Geddes clan. My grandpa was always listening to bagpipe music & had a bagpiper playing Amazing Grace at his funeral. But he had never been there either, his grandparents moved to Peru when his dad was a boy, then he moved here at age 11.

[@arvayahrozier4402]

The guy in the second story sounds like he resents his children and his wife. If he is able to boil them down to " stuff" and call them "her kids" as if he isn't related to them then he probably shouldn't be in their lives since he sees them like that.

[@ThatFont]

“What can I do to make her forgive me” It’s obvious this person has no regard for others’ emotions when they’re looking for some magical answer to control people.

[@UltimatBlitz]

"wasn't well enough to act like a wife" shows that wife is a certain role and not a woman you are married to, according to him.

[@MIR-bu1ft]

Depriving your children of your presence in petty vengeance against your ex spouse is fucking insane and honestly is a sign that their kids are better off without his influence tbh

[@triumphTLG]

"No one give a shit out mental health when it comes to men" That's literally other men not caring about other men I saying this as a dude, we actively hurt ourselves, limit our emotions, tell friends that were okay. And then somehow we get to say that no one cares about us? Nah

[@amandakriss4244]

2nd story: Full Custody doesn't mean no contact no legal binding to your kids no visitation. If he wanted completely out he would need to sign away his rights as parent completely. Either he doesn't understand what full custody means or he is being purposefully ignorant so no one else can legally adopt his kids. If he signs his rights away and his ex marries again, the new spouse can adopt the kids and be their legal father.

[@ZebraJess92]

I don't know how "full custody" works in the US where I assume the second story is taking place, but in Germany it just means that the person holding full custody can make decisions for the kids without having to check in with someone else. The other parent still has the right to see their kids regulary and not only that, the kids have the right to have contact with the parent they don't live with! So even if you are not interested in your own children, if they want to have contact with you, you MUST. But I mean, with that kind of behavior the mum should be glad that her kids don't have to spend time with him and just be disappointed and neglected by him...

[@Greatflabbergasted]

That’s how it _is_ in the US! I commend her for actually trying to get their father in their lives but if it were me, I wouldn’t see the point anymore. Notice how he says, “I don’t have a problem with _her_ kids / _the_ kids”. He actually genuinely doesn’t care! He’s talking like a detached dad. (The tone of the sentence.) He’s not a father at all! He’s just the biological man that contributed into making them. They don’t need to know their “father”, they just need a good father figure in their lives. And I hope she finds a good man, and I hope the kids want nothing to do with when they’re older!

[@paulatobler8354]

It’s the same in the US. In fact, you don’t even necessarily have no say in the decisions when your ex has full custody. When I divorced, I got full physical custody of my kids but my ex still had 50-50 legal custody. It was very difficult to get full legal custody and I didn’t even argue for it. He had visitation and could call them outside of visitation time. They could call him any time they wanted. It’s not like having full custody means the other parent has no rights or relationship. Unless he chooses not to. That guy never loved his kids. They were and are pawns in games to him. Once he lost the custody game, the best use for those pawns was driving his ex crazy by refusing to visit because she actually does love them and see them as human and wants them to have a relationship with both parents and not grow up with the burden of knowing they were completely abandoned and rejected by their father.

[@Tay_hugsxkisses]

It’s almost like she cut contact with her brother for a reason

[@summerdais325]

If she didn't feel well enough to "be a wife," then guess who was REALLY needing a listening ear and helping hand, AH.

[@TheGhostieZone]

The man calling his kids stuff deserves hell holy shit. Do not treat your kids like that.

[@emmacheeseman5440]

I literally shouted "I BEG YOUR BIGGEST FUCKING PARDON" at my phone and scared my husband hehe xx

[@lkf8799]

LOL Do watch Nurse John? 😂

[@lilmorsecody]

the 3rd story... as someone who is in recovery from addiction (6 months), during my active addiction that would have been a ridiculous thing for someone to do for me. I would have messed up a job and flat too at that time within a few weeks. It's the disrespect to the girlfriend and what her and her family have been through. Disregarding all the trauma she must have gone through with it, and introducing her to more. The naivete and narcissism is ridiculous. I hope she doesn't take him back.

[@marinacroy1338]

"I Don't want to mess around with stuff that isn't my responsibility without finanical compensation." My brother in Christ, those are your children. They are human beings who did nothing wrong, not "Stuff"

[@nightgirlpuppy]

I can't get over the last guy saying "no one cares about men's mental health" like he isn't just experiencing regret for destroying his own relationship years later

[@Xtra_Medium]

Honestly it feels like that one guy is doing everyone a favor by not being part of his kids' lives. He's clearly uninterested in providing even the most basic of emotional support and frankly I'm sickened by the idea of how much damage such a toxic/entitled individual can do a couple impressionable kids 🤢

[@triciad4100]

"How do I get my wife to see that it is hard to trust her after knowing she kept a big secret from me for a long time?" ...I'm curious how long OP was with his promoted sidechick before he told her he was married? 🙃

[@moonshinershonor202]

Meanwhile my single ass watching people get married, get cheated on, cheat, and be unhappy: 🧐 What was the point then? Let the other guy have her.

[@nationalinstituteofcheese3012]

“I’m ready to fix my marriage” Bro, he’s been trying and you were still cheating 😂

[@princessofhell4639]

For the one demanding compensation to just see the kids I would one hundred percent say she should sue for child support from him as well since she is taking on 100% of the burden anyway and then she can use that to pay him no reason for her to be out money anyway (or just not let him be involved at all would be ideal but I get the kid's wanting to see their dad).

[@nationalinstituteofcheese3012]

Don’t worry, he’ll try to see them when they’re successful and happy

[@holosniffer7569]

Of course that's the advice lmfao. I love that, I say he should flee the country to get away from this disgusting vapid woman

[@Scatscar1985]

Well, it can't get worse than the first one. EDIT: Apparently it can.

[@Corarii]

not to be a hater but when i see big age gaps in these kinda videos i just raise an eyebrow

[@cricketandgraham8644]

same

[@VideosForYou90]

Same!

[@squidthing]

you should be side eyeing. big age gaps are more prevalent in abusive relationships but nobody is allowed to say that anymore because "omgz stop infantilizing women!" etc etc

[@Zectifin]

its always worth raising an eyebrow. an age game doesn't inherently mean there is something abusive or wrong, but it does often enough that its worth being suspicious.

[@ndawn90]

It's worth the side-eye. Big age gaps - especially ones where the younger party is in their late teens/early 20s when the relationship starts - are a massive red flag. Like any other red flag, it's not a guarantee that the relationship is going to go wrong or be toxic/abusive, but it's a sign that you should hit the brakes and take a good, hard look at things.

[@phantomdanica9241]

If someone found my estranged brother against my wishes, I would be FURIOUS. There’s a reason my family doesn’t talk to that person.

[@Adiscretefirm]

It can be hard for someone that hasn't been touched by addiction to understand how many disappointments have to stack up before you cut off a close family member

[@claratalbot7613]

"She wasn't acting like a wife." She literally just gave birth, so it's reasonable that she would need time to recover from that not deal with both the stress of taking care of a baby & having her husband cheat on her. She deserves a much better partner than that dude. In fact, every single person in these posts deserves better than the people who treated them like garbage. Also, to note for that last one: Dude, you're divorced, which means she has every right to date & marry literally anyone she wants. This is like high-school lvl nonsense of telling ur friends their not allowed to date ur ex. It's just all for control & I hope his current wife leaves him & takes the kids with her because he doesn't deserve them

[@tkabey]

How does someone betray you when you betray them first? Dude cheated; his ex don't owe him anything.

[@PancakeNation]

"She wasnt acting like a wife" the complete and utter AUDACITY!

[@benjie128]

"no one cares about mental health in men anymore" Dude, get a therapist.

[@MaraRhodus]

That full custody story reminds me so much of my dad’s attitude towards my brother and me post divorce, though, granted, we were teenagers instead of small children

[@mika_sky]

For the second story, it is sometimes scary how many man dont really care about their offspring. Their ego takes the first place. Or they just leave a whole ass family, start a completely new one and just ignore the kids from the first marriage like they don't even exist.

[@Floss.1e]

Divorce isn’t an option… because she didn’t sign a prenup and he’s got bank hopefully 🙏 let’s hope she gets that bagg

[@balajiraju4157]

So you're proving his point....women only marry for money

[@B4K4xNi]

People with happy and stable families need to learn and internalize that sometimes family members are no-contact for a *reason*.

[@d00diehead52]

first story is literally already traumatizing 😀

[@LagrimaArdiente]

I feel a bit inclined to give the guy trying to help the GF's homeless brother the benefit of the doubt that he genuinely meant well. That said, "I encouraged him to quit drugs and seek counseling, but left him completely alone and did not check on him nor accompany him through his recovery," is SO, SO bad.

[@SPARKRIZZLE]

agree. i think she went a little too hard on him, but he was WAYYY too oblivious to actually help.

[@ia490]

​@@SPARKRIZZLE nah, she set a boundary, he crossed it so he could potentially rub it in her face that he was right. only it blew up on his face lol

[@aidanhugh2490]

@@SPARKRIZZLE This is actually something that bothers me about her content. I find that she'll often make up narratives or assume intentions in scenarios where she should probably not make declarative statements.

[@Eddysig]

she always perfectly articulates the thought I hadn't worded right. "they've gotta be ready to start recovery" or "you said you were upset he found out, not that you feel bad for how you've hurt him" or "cheating can still happen in polyamory because it's about communication" (not verbatim but u remember the topics)

[@DragonbornMike-ym2er]

Its almost funny how many cheaters have "harmless flirting", and they're ready to fix their marriage AFTER they're caught. Rather than when they have inappropriate feelings.

[@RosesAndTea66]

Bro, dude #2 with the full custody thing: She should stop trying to get him to be in their lives, its so much worse having a parent pretend to care because the other forces it, when the truth comes to light it is CRUSHING

[@Vampress09]

How are some people so evil?? It must be such a miserable life devoid of compassion and decency.

[@AMR_Setsunai]

I was confused at #2 for a second until I reread the ages. They're almost 30. Statistically speaking their kids are most likely older than toddlers, we're talking like early elementary schoolers, as in old enough to have memories. Initially I assumed the kids were babies and wasn't really sure why he needed to "see them", but these are actual, cognizant children who are old enough to know who their parents are. How do you raise a child for 5-10 years and are willing to just abandon them the second you get divorced?? Honestly maybe it's better if he doesn't see them, he clearly never loved them.

[@qryptid]

These videos make these subs tolerable. Reading them alone and then reading the comments often makes me feel like the last sane person on earth so seeing everyone here respond like normal people makes me feel better 😂

[@twilightwillowglade7214]

I can't imagine cheating on anyone... Especially my wonderful girlfriend. She was cheated on in her previous relationship but she stayed because she was gaslit and just wanted to be loved, even had a kid... I hope I'm helping her heal from that. We're long distance and I don't know if she fears I'll cheat on her, but I could never, especially knowing what she's gone through, so if she's a bit clingy and whatever, I'm fine with that. And I've had my own relationship issues in the past, to the point I struggle to love, but she's so patient and kind about it. She knows what my most recent ex did to me too, and she too is allowing me to heal. I think honestly we were made for each other.

[@ia490]

Hope you guys have lots of happy years together! 🙏

[@jennymunday7913]

"She wasn't acting like a wife" - that guy couldn't wait a few months for his wife to bless him with a child out of a possible decades of marriage? I'm glad she's rid of him.

[@LaMorenitaDivina]

God, the smugness of people judging you for cutting toxic family members out of your life. “Well, I’D never give up on MINE, they’re BLOOD.” My oldest sibling is a con artist, thief and liar who started by ruining our family’s business finances and reputation, and finished by actually being on the run from gangsters in another country whom they defrauded there. They are currently living in their car while dreaming up new schemes. I have refused to even give this sibling my address because I have a professional standing to protect and I don’t want whatever they bring to my door showing up one day. They are a sociopath in the truest sense, and if anyone wants to prove how much better than me and my family they are by giving them a flat and money, then they’re welcome to it, but don’t even dream of coming to me when they do the same thing to you.

[@arklestudios]

The audacity of that man in the last story. The *audacity*!

[@awesometealover]

First guy if you need emotional support during the journey to parenthood, have you considered: having friends?

[@Zaddy-Lu]

"Full custody" doesn't mean "no visitation" it means the custodial parent makes all the decisions about & for the children, and their primary residence is with the custodial parent. Dad in story 2 is a step worse than the dad's who call it "babysitting" when they're taking care of their own children. My ex used to call it babysitting to watch our kid sleeping in their swing while I was taking a shower

[@mausiwerner]

I’ve definitely had best friends that I didn’t speak to for years since I now live in Germany, but the difference is that if I texted or called them, they would absolutely pick up. I’m 28 and have had my best friend since we were 12, we rarely talk after I moved but whenever I visit home, we always pick right up and have a great time together. He even visited me once and will be coming to my wedding here next year. Dude was not that poster's best friend lmao

[@StrawberryNova]

From personal experience from having that kind of "father" who wanted nothing to do with them, he's likely to come around once the kids are older and on their own and want a relationship with them THEN and he's going to absolutely lose his mind when they want nothing to do with him and claim that the mother "poisoned them against him." Kids remember. And kids spend their entire childhood wondering "why didn't he want me? What did I do wrong? Was I bad?" It does NOT matter what adults tell them about it not being their fault and it takes YEARS of therapy to deal with. I guarantee he's emotionally hurting those kids far more than his ex-wife with his behavior.

[@sophiab9641]

“She wasn’t feeling well enough to act like a wife” has go to be one of the most disgusting sentences I have ever read. Like, ah yes. My partner is in a lot of pain and feels terrible, which means it’s their fault I cheated. Him then going on to plead for her to come back makes it so much worse. Like bro, two sentences ago you were saying it was HER fault for not “acting like a wife” and trying to blame her. Why tf would she read this and WANT to come back?

[@andeeharry]

3: Not everyone is redeemable. She broke up with you because you betrayed her trust. Nice of you to try though and now he has learnt a powerful lesson here. Will she take him back? I am curious about this one, and I doubt it for many reasons. If you care about someone, you don't go behind thier back.

[@corrineromero1761]

I dont really think the guys from the final story were besties... I was in a similar situation where I got together with the ex of a somewhere-between-friend-and-aquaintence after literally asking her permission first. She said it was okay, and then after I did it cried and told everyone "my best friend fucked my ex!" Seems like a similar situation since Mr. 10yr Age Gap is so ready to throw himself a pity party.

[@tiahnarodriguez3809]

I’m usually a fan of transparency and honesty, but if high school and university taught me anything it’s to move in silence or don’t do it at all. People can be so immature and drama driven. I hope your reputation wasn’t too damaged. I went through the opposite situation where my so called “friends” turned on me and started a smear campaign because I wouldn’t date a guy. They didn’t even like the guy 💀.

[@andeeharry]

Man, this makes me madder than a frog hopper....where do I begin with this. 1. She has been going through hell and you repay her by destroying a trusted bond and throwing everything she gave you back in her face, showing that she isn't good enough, you crossed the line a few times, ''kicked'' her while she was down, she experienced a very traumatic experience of her life, experiencing the life changing after effects...and you claim she wasn't being a ''wife''....you're right. She wasn't. She is being a vulnerable person right now, and you destroy whatever she had left by breaking the last bit of trust she had of you. You are lucky that she isnt talking to you, that's the least of your worries. Then humiliate her by going onto social media and whining about what happened. You are lucky that you still have a leg to stand on....somehow/

[@xbluebirdx]

Exactly. It's like he can't comprehend that his wife is her own person before she's his anything, somebody who went through a very painful and life changing thing. It's like he perceives her more as a sex doll than a human, let alone his WIFE who he promised to love forever

[@Zectifin]

the guy intruding in his girlfriends family matters is so annoying. when I first met my gf I kept my family at an arms length. she had a shitty family and was working through things with them and trying to make it better. she saw my situation and kept pushing us to spend more time with them to make things better. it didn't and it made things worse and it got so bad I ended cutting them off and its been 12 years now. she now admits her mistake and realized why I did and also has distanced herself from her family. Don't think you know your partners family issues more than they do and its also not your place to try and fix them.

[@amyyaku5022]

The OP with the estranged brother in law sounded like the OP who took her kids to meet her husband's abusive father. She had the same logic of "but family" and even used her kids as a reason to go behind her husband's back to see him. Luckily she kinda got consequences for her actions like this OP (not sure if it's been updated but the husband left the house for a bit and there's a high chance he's going to divorce her).

[@kaijuteeth]

third post REEKS of that one sailor moon meme. "my work here is done" "but you didnt do anything"

[@Sleipnirseight]

The husband in story one sounds just as self-centered as his "distraught" divorcee coworker. They deserve each other 🙄

[@andeeharry]

2. Compensation thing: I dont get this one. The ex should give up on him, since he is a deadbeat who doesn't care about anything other than himself. I am surprised she is putting in all the stops and effort to try and get him involved, considering his attitude, others would have given up. This is just toxic

[@rebeccap1441]

I don’t get this one either. If she still wanted him in the picture, why didn’t she let him have partial custody? And if he was a horrible person who didn’t deserve custody then why would she want the kids to spend time with him?

[@lightingrod5907]

@@rebeccap1441exactly! Questions that I can’t seem to get answered

[@megawonszrzeczny9]

I think *she* may not want him, but his children probably do and she probably wants them to be happy Also courts don't really grant full custody unless he didn't fight at all or was literally abusive Also we should remember that since the man wrote the post, he most likely omitted some facts in order to make himself look better and there's always the other side of any story

[@ia490]

​@@rebeccap1441 not having full custody doesn't mean he's not their parent anymore. I think it's insane to ask to be paid for spending time with your literal child regardless of custody

[@jackoh991]

You all misunderstand the role of a parent. Custody is about legal decisions for the kid eg what school or health care. But any parent should make resonable attempts to keep the relationship between kid and parent alive and healthy, especially if there is a relationship there as it's for the good of the kids. Say that some people take it too far and try and push people into being parents who clearly aren't going to and it's not good for the kids as it creates an instable relationship

[@PaigeSinclaire]

My ex best friend married my ex that was my high school sweetheart He abused me towards the end of the relationship then after we broke up she saw him behind my back Marrying him having kids we lost touch for years until it came to light he abused her and the children we became friends again for like 5 years until out of the blue she stopped talking to me Life is weird man

[@tiahnarodriguez3809]

You were too nice to continue being her friend.

[@PaigeSinclaire]

@@tiahnarodriguez3809 I get that a lot

[@copperredd]

Why would u be her friend again...get some therapy so u stop allowing toxic ppl around u

[@PaigeSinclaire]

@@copperredd agreed and I’ve learnt now I have barely any friends just a small tight circle

[@adammoultrie249]

Love the green eyeliner. The man in the second story is 2 bit baby and should never have been a parent. The 3rd guy might be Italian or at the very minimum way too into Fast & the Furious

[@ajjean2720]

You’re supposed to love your partner in sickness and in health, not when your wife can’t “wife” anymore BECAUSE SHE BED RIDDEN! That was the perfect time to step up and be a husband and he failed MISERABLY!

[@sumatrannos]

LMAO! that guy on the last one has alot of audacity after pulling all that stuff and then go "people don't care about men's mental health" like that caught me off guard but the same time very funny like bro!

[@pikes_panic]

If you ever even have the urge to cheat and the thought of your partners feelings don't cross your mind or matter enough not to do it, you don't care enough about them. I'm also of the mentality that cheating is completely intolerable

[@amourtabb7859]

The reddit stories like the 3rd guy always seem like it has never crossed their family’s mind to help. He has no idea how many chances that person has gotten, all the strategies they've tried. Trying to help without the proper resources can literally lead to that person's death. Of course his ex gf is angry

[@sirleopold2378]

the guy who tried to help his ex's brother is so weird to me. like, if you love and want to marry this person, then you need to trust that when they cut someone out of their life completely, why would you assume the worst and that she didn't try her hardest to keep her brother in her life before being forced to cut him off? idk man that one just really grinds my gears.

[@indigothecat]

For the wife who took all custody from her ex-husband, if he's literally saying that he'll only see them if she pays him, then it's time for her to move on. I see only heartache if she continues to push for this. He's clearly done. Folks get weirdly hung up on genetic parentage, but since she has full custody, and she seems extremely worried that the children don't have testosterone-laden influence, maybe she should instead look to remarry? The man she marries would be able to easily adopt the kids as his own. Also, the "she wasn't acting like a wife" dude is a piece of work. He basically said, "she wasn't performing her wifely duties." He didn't say it that way because he knew he would get yelled at. 😂 Hopefully he figures himself out before he gets married again.

[@chaosfellow7407]

The biggest problem with the thing about the part of the last one about nobody caring about men's mental health is that it is true, but situations like this give people saying that such a bad name that they are disregarded and ignored.