Why We Always Feel Bad and Guilty

[@Meherethen]

There's also the "I am as a person wrong, I should not exist" version. No matter what you do, how much you try, you just feel like a glitch your entire life. I wonder how that comes about.

[@janemokujin]

:( ❤️

[@shawnsilly3958]

I think I thought that way originally because of my anxiety,like how I felt I was the odd one or not good enough to really be like one of others. But over time I started seeing how stuck in my own head I was,I started to realize that I barely thought about how anyone else felt and only how I did,then I began to hate myself for it. It started to spiral,when I stayed in bed all day thinking how horrible I was and did exactly what I did before,it was a loop,and the more it looped,the more I hated myself. It didn't really start with wanting to kill myself,that was way later,it was more just hyper-criticizing myself and then sometimes "punishing" myself by not eating. I think that was the start.

[@bapbirb]

My problem is that I know exactly where Im wrong and lacking. It comes from comparing with people. And I know this whole 'dont compare' wisdom.. but its hard to disregard it. Its like statistical data. I just happen to fit the 'bad side' of the statistics whereas there are people who fit the better side. There's alot of genetic factors that play into role here too.

[@annabanzon313]

Yes my mother always treated me this way.

[@sinesolesoleo5474]

For an answer to this questionI I recommend the channel of Jay Reid, a therapist who helped my a lot with his information online.

[@gabrieljordan8015]

My parents are very well aware of how badly they screwed up with me because every time I bring up past memories they get very defensive. (40 now)

[@Squirrel_314]

Yeah. My mom literally puts her hands over her ears and says, “I don’t wanna talk about that I don’t wanna talk about that I don’t wanna talk about that” whenever my siblings or I try to bring up *anything* about our childhoods. She knows the damage she did, but she doesn’t wanna talk about it. Ever.

[@amygalvin1799]

That’s common to deflect from people who feel guilty, but can’t apologize. I’m sure their parents were the same.

[@Joe-jc5ol]

That is common. But the good news is, you don't need them, even if the issues started with them, the solution is with you alone. My dad never accepts any criticism, but my mom does. However successfully torturing my own mom about past problems did not help me as much as I thought it would, eventually just self work did. And after that was over, I was able to see the good in my childhood as well, the good that was so overshadowed by my traumas that I was completely blind to it.

[@Rotj6]

Yes! When my mum found out I was going to therapy she tried to get me to stop...she was terrified!

[@vins1979]

Or you tell them about past FACTS, they reply "I don't remember this, I don't remember that". Like, they don't remember anything. I do wonder what they remembers of the whole family history, seriously.

[@yohaizilber]

Saying NO is an act of self-care and self-respect, allowing you to prioritize your own needs and best interests. It is not selfish or rude, but rather a healthy and necessary boundary to set for yourself. By saying NO, you are saying YES to yourself and making sure that your own well-being is a top priority.

[@dochmbi]

This 100%. Focus on yourself. Don't let other people cramp your style. If I'm in a relationship of any kind I'm always in a position to walk away.

[@offensivediscourse8514]

I wish i had learned that growing up or at least in my 20s or 30s. Ugh

[@Ryu-v8r]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.

[@twilightincosmos]

​@@offensivediscourse8514hello dear, it's never too late to learn and grow...I hope we keep growing emotionally till the very end of our lives...:)

[@schoolzdhcy]

Idk why but i feel like my friends treatvme like a servant they be like can you turn off the light pls? Can you bring me that? Can you bring me my bottle? Can you? Can you? Idk why but i feel i cant say no 😢 i feel i have no self respect i dont like it i wanna say no but how? It feels like being rude. While i do everything myself, never ask help

[@DS-uh6ss]

The only thing different for me is I tend to skew "suicide" not "jail." But yeah, when you're a horrible person whose existence hurts everyone else, you just want to remove yourself from the world and all the reminders of the many ways in which you suck.

[@AishawithanEye]

Yeah, same here. It's more about removing myself since I can't do anything right for anybody. The weird part is that I regularly get encouraging comments about work I do, but it's like I can't believe them.

[@GCCork]

I feel you. Its just a momentary phase though before you get that 'uplift' in some sense I guess.. it never really lasts until it comes about again in some other form xD and on and on we go haha. Many blessings everyone x

[@luzzyluz67457]

Yeah, except I was fixated on going to hell

[@Ryu-v8r]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.

[@ZeroDarkTwenty3]

This video sadly is so relatable to me, you begin to question everything about yourself because it always seem it’s your own personal fault. Looking back at past mistakes and wishing you could change them, you have to learn that you won’t be able to, but you do learn that it makes you a better person for the future. Love yourself and you can accomplish anything, despite your flaws, you’re still amazing.

[@khalilahd.]

Exactly 😢

[@shaneo2867]

Yes

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

I sometimes feel this way too...and it is not fun.

[@mariallamoso1117]

Me too🥲

[@josephyeung2606]

My lifelong struggle.

[@shaneo2867]

I’ve been guilty of something all my life. Spent half of the time hiding. This video is so amazing.

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Me too. Definitely a great vid!

[@Ryu-v8r]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.

[@khalilahd.]

It’s so sad to see how many people relate to this ( including myself) but with the new year coming I want to go commit to growing past this 🙏🏽

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

We are human and should be able to forgive ourselves and be kind to ourselves. But no single person on this planet thinks exactly the same...and it's what makes us all unique. Uniqueness should not just be an arbitrary and trivial thing come 2023, it should be the new normal so we all can get along...but I realize it's easier said than done.

[@Mindyzzzzz]

Yes 💖 and you shall!

[@Sabadiver]

Yes, let's ensure 2023 is positive fulfilling and full of personal growth!

[@minaus5082]

yeah me too.. hoping I can finally overcome this nonstop guilty feeling after years of struggling

[@nancyaustin9516]

Easy to say, not so easy to do. Please check in a month or two and let us know how that's going, eh?

[@ronniesal7436]

The worst thing is that this feeling is brought into adult life. And society does treat them as guilty!

[@Leo-mr1qz]

Not necessarily as guilty, but as dysfunctional. Our peers can detect the imbalance of our psyche, and as adults, most don't want to deal with them emotional rollercoaster we can take them on, so they stay clear of us.

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Sometimes though these feelings can be useful mechanisms for survival and self nurture. But I do agree that these feelings are as menacing as any other frequency or vibe that emits about.

[@ronniesal7436]

@@Leo-mr1qz yes, but also...People feel when someone looks guilty (with or without reason), thus they treat them as guilty. Once we were three people in one lab. One guy was messing up with some micropipetes, then he left and the other person left, too. A few minutes later, the other person came back and started using one of the pipetes. She told me to come and look. The micropipete was damaged. Despite I did not even touch it because I did not move from my chair, I got nervous (because I was left alone) and the other person started acting as if it was me who broke it. Although the most likely one was the guy who was previously messing up with them.

[@ronniesal7436]

@@EmbraceTheStruggle24 i am not sure how. Feeling rightful remorse and guilt are good when you did something wrong, but not when you have done nothing, or even worse, when you are the victim.

[@ronniesal7436]

If you feel no remorse after doing something wrong (specially to someone) you are probably a psychopath. But if you feel remorse for nothing, or you feel guilty after being the victim of someone, as it often happens with people with cPTSD, you could become crazy!

[@ranc1977]

Social anxiety, Toxic shame and Complex Trauma explained in 3 minutes.

[@joelthomastr]

Without naming them, maddeningly. But for sure if it's a straight choice between a story I can relate to and an alien technical term I'll take the story

[@eliser9776]

Correct, and now you can't unsee it.

[@Ryu-v8r]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.

[@ranc1977]

@@Ryu-v8r Toxic shame doing chaos and confusion inside us. Installed by narcissists and psychopaths, ACoA and ACE.

[@marca4162]

I remember taking driving lessons and we got stuck in traffic. The teacher asked me why I was getting stressed. I said I felt I was doing something wrong to cause this jam. He smiled and said "ah, you're one of those" 😅

[@kaj7135]

One of those helpless children that get blamed for their parents’ personal failures and insecurities.

[@Ryu-v8r]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.

[@AdventureCornwall.]

What we all have to remember is we are human. Emotional beings. Be kind to yourselves and walk away from negativity if it gets too much. Sometimes its only a phase people go through. This journey is full of ups an downs and there is an end for us all. Enjoy it and don’t pressure yourself. Much love all from a ex self loather ❤️

[@AdventureCornwall.]

@Mrs Blumeare you ok? Sounds like you could do with some positivity. Break the cycle and make a change. 👍

[@royalusala8527]

You will need to define what being kind to oneself really means, and also what negativity really means...

[@AdventureCornwall.]

@@royalusala8527 definition of good an bad! Im sure you can work out whats good an what’s negative. Looking after yourself is easy just gotta not care what others think. People are so quick to cancel these days.

[@Ryu-v8r]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough. I'm Sorry For alot of years, I carried a deep sense and feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tormented myself, for all those years. Until I realized that the One I really needed to apologize to was me myself. I tormented myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did or do to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything there is to it. So I find my innocence again; which I had once lost. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torment yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses Sometimes to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or tormenting myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it is my free choice. And I use these two methods. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to do it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.

[@AdventureCornwall.]

@@Ryu-v8r are you ok? Apologising yourself out of existence isn’t what i meant. Your a human being and it’s natural to make mistakes. What I will say is nearly every human being knows whats right and whats wrong. Im talking the basics, not ideologies. I think if you cross the basic rules of hurting others then.. you probably wont want to hear my views on that. Anyway good luck. I hope you have a life of caring for others now.

[@mindfulnesswithmatt]

And hence most parents who have not processed their own traumas should not be parents. We are intrinsically whole, but many upbringings tell us otherwise

[@Leo-mr1qz]

This is my husband. His neglect and trauma ridden childhood is most prevalent during the holidays. I'm the one who suffers from that. I don't receive presents and have to do everything for the children. It's exhausting 😪

[@danny91pr]

In a perfect world this would be the case. But in reality, a large number of people have unresolved issues that they're trying to deal with. One may be free of trauma and then experience trauma while you're pregnant or after the child is born, etc.. Point is having unresolved issues in your past is not an excuse to be a bad parent.

[@watcher805]

*thus, not hence

[@Ryu-v8r]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.

[@charlottepeukert9095]

But unfourtunately, the people who should feel guilty for mistreating their children, now and in the past, don't feel guilty at all.They have the best excuses at hand, up to the one:" If you didn't behave that way and triggered me, we would have gotten along just fine and I would have loved you the way you wanted me to."

[@Ryu-v8r]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.

[@cachazacachazacachaza]

For my father, it's denial: he didn't do any of that. For my mother, anger: she just get outraged that I said something like that.

[@GlitchyGeek]

They don't usually notice that at that point they were already exhausted or mad at something else

[@wilwad]

So true. I went through this: alcoholic step dad and a mother that admitted that she should have aborted me. I only recently realized I have anxiety: I overthink, self-blame and relive bad or embarrassing situations over and over. Slowly realizing I'm only hurting myself, it's time to breathe.

[@jefverhoeven8426]

Noticing excessive anxiety, overtinking and blaming myself, not being able to shake off shamefull experiences. That’s me! The only thing is I don’t have my parents te blame. My home was my safe haven. My struggle is/was that I am a very sensitive person, being confronted with or surrounded by cruel or mean people. I created an image of myself not being good and strong enough to cope with people around me.

[@nurlindafsihotang49]

Good luck. Mother blames me for my elder brother died, and I am the reason she must stayed with my father and resulting in 2 of my younger siblings. After, finally i walked away.

[@Ryu-v8r]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.

[@user-zr4ci7oc9t]

I grew up with a persistent feeling of guilt. It was so bad that I saw a counsellor when I was 14 and cried, telling her I held so much guilt inside but didn't know where it came from. I told her guilt had been there my whole life and that it was the main emotion I feel. I always compared myself to everyone else and wondered why can't I be like them? It was just guilt that I wasn't good enough and that I was the cause of all my parents problems. Some of my guilt slowly went to anger and then finally to pain. But to survive we have to blame ourselves not the people around us, because if we didn''t it would've threatened our survival... the pain we internalise for things done to us not our fault

[@Ryu-v8r]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.

[@livelearnlovesmile]

I feel so called out. I always fear offending others and always fear the guilt. Religions play guilt the best in my opinion as a cycle to keep flocks in control.

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Lol...I feel the same way too.

[@TheGoodMMADog]

Last night, a part of my past showed up in a nasty way. It made its way into the life I was trying to build without it and I finally thought I had done so. I have worked hard in therapy to stop calling myself a bad person, but last night made all those feelings come back. On top of that I experienced a rejection last night and all I can do is think about what I did wrong or why I’m not good enough, even though this person has explained at nausea and it’s not me that’s the issue. Amazing the timing of this video.

[@Leo-mr1qz]

Take care of yourself. Find compassion for yourself. You are worthy! 💜

[@randompersonp119]

God loves you, ive also been experiencing a hard time getting over, and seeing this video felt like the Lord spoke to me🥹❤️ He saves the crushed in spirit and binds up their wounds🥺🤍psalms 34:18

[@jonb6564]

stay strong my friend. never stop loving yourself.

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Hang in there.

[@OogaB0oga]

There are going to be relapses. And setbacks. Old, almost forgotten feelings will return, even when we thought we had finally overcome them for good. As long as you allow yourself to not be perfect, you will be able to handle your own relapses (which, again, will INEVITABLY come, I speak from experience) much more gracefully. Forgive yourself for the problems you are experiencing in the here and now, because - and that's SUPER important to internalize - back then, you were just a kid. And THEY were the adults. THEY were in charge of YOU, not vice-versa. You are valuable. You are allowed to feel all emotions in all of their complexity. You are ENTITLED to feeling whichever way you feel, and you are allowed and able to trust your own intuition! Much love from someone who's on the path to self-love and acceptance

[@carlranger8060]

Brought up in an alcoholic house ( which was terrifying at times) I've always felt guilty. My Wife made the most of that to make me feel bad about myself with every disagreement we had. As soon as I realised the game and gained more insight about what was going on and why the marriage didn't last much longer.

[@aleenatj5360]

I was literally thinking abt this and googling about it just 2 minutes ago. I feel guilty about enjoying anything be it watching a movie or eating good food. I feel guilty just thinking about my parents. If I'm upset i feel like punishing myself by taking away something I love. When I see underprivileged people or animals I feel guilty about the life I have. Its horrible feeling and I try to ignore it to my best. Considering talking to a therapist, idk why I cant open up to one, maybe I subconsciously feel they'll judge me or wont understand me or will say that I'm just pretending

[@jedimasterhighground334]

I feel ya, the neverending cycle of guilt is a horrible one. Good luck finding a therapist.

[@SilverAssassin210]

This video hammered a nail into my heart when it talked about the fantasy of turning oneself to the police to find out just what one has done wrong. I have literally done this. Without getting into detail, the cops kindly told me no crime had been committed and the there was no need to turn myself in. It's complicated, but my family made me believe I had committed a crime and they made their claims with such conviction that I seriously started to think that maybe I suffer from memory lapses or that I was imagining it all as part of a psychotic break. And nothing was their fault. I knew what I did and it was about damn time I started to be "honest". After watching this video I know I have the right to never forgive my family for what they put me through.

[@anshulkandpal2384]

Damn. This honestly sounds very very rough.

[@tracesprite6078]

It sounds like your family members are shamefully cruel. Most people in the community are much nicer than that. I hope you can find pleasant people to be with, and I think it would be sensible to avoid spending any time with dishonest people like those family members.

[@cefrinaldi8060]

That just sound like you got gaslighted

[@victorialaing4227]

Dr. Doofenshmirtz also has the right to not forgive his abusive parents

[@2degucitas]

You were the family scapegoat

[@aurevoiralex]

You have basically narrated my whole life - I feel seen. Thank you for this unexpected virtual hug.

[@yuvalkeshet9066]

It's unnerving how precisely in time for me this video was published, thank you

[@universaltruth2025]

I think Christmas & NY’s time, for those of us that celebrate it, is when these feelings can become most intense. Because its the time when we’re pressured to be in the company of many family & friends who we often wouldn’t see often. Funerals & weddings are probably similar. Most people’s stress levels are higher due to having to rush to get things done like extra shopping, cooking food, cleaning & decorating the house, buying & wrapping gifts which can also put a financial strain on people. For people with a history of childhood neglect or abuse it brings up all the issues of self worth, feeling judged, judging others, getting triggered by the same people. It is intensified because officially it is supposed to be a time of ‘peace & joy’ when for many its ‘stress, anger, anxiety & competition’.

[@Ryu-v8r]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough. I'm Sorry For alot of years, I carried a deep sense and feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tormented myself, for all those years. Until I realized that the One I really needed to apologize to was me myself. I tormented myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did or do to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything there is to it. So I find my innocence again; which I had once lost. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And so I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and therefore with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torment yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses Sometimes to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or tormenting myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it is my free choice. And I use these two methods. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to do it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.

[@matadormartin]

Whilst I agree with the majority of this, and relate to it deeply, I take issue with the conclusion that we should exchange self flagellation for 'a little bit of righteous anger'. Anger has its uses in the short term, but it is a slippery slope. I have spent years hoping that my dad would finally apologise for the pain he caused, and I have had so many nightmares about still being angry, still hating him whilst he's on his death bed. The reality is that he has had worse mental health issues than me, and is a very confused man who turned to drink to ease his own pain. Being angry at someone who is deeply deeply flawed themselves can only get you so far, and acceptance is a much more realistic path to find a way forward. I have learned to accept him for who he is, and will help him as he ages. I can do better than just being angry at people who wronged me.

[@James-ip7zk]

Anger has been demonized in modern times, maybe because it’s confused with rage. Anger set boundaries, anger helps you stand your ground, anger is not always deranged or violent, it’s a useful emotion, as all emotions. For me at least, learn to accept and express my anger has been liberating

[@mangopuddingdancetime5980]

It’s probably more true that it depends on the person- someone who has been angry their entire lives could do with balancing out and neutralizing it with other more vulnerable emotions, while someone who has practiced repressing their anger should really express it more without shame-based mental restraints (which includes an overly controlling sense of ethics and morality.)

[@dream_dealer]

You're confusing anger with rage. Anger is a healthy emotion when you know how to direct it and regulate it in a healthy manner.

[@wancheng89]

I agree with what you’re saying, but I think anger is a necessary process of healing for someone who is prone to self-blame. For someone who struggles in this way, it’s something of a milestone to be able to be angry at someone or something external to ourselves. I don’t think anger is the end point of this process though, as you mentioned, because at the end of the day people are flawed and struggle in their own ways, and our healing cannot depend on them. In the end, with the right conditions, we might come to a place where we can see ourselves and others with the same compassion, and take responsibility for only what belongs to us. And I believe one of the conditions to transcend the anger is to actually go through it. The wisdom that you have today might not have come if you haven’t gone through the years of anger and blaming your father. We can only decide to walk this path with as much self-awareness and reflection as possible.

[@dream_dealer]

@@wancheng89 Thank you SO MUCH! This is exactly how I feel.

[@bolivar1789]

Here are some ideas and resources that could be helpful to those of us who suffer from self hatred. I have mentioned some of them before: 1. This is what the most famous psychotherapist in Turkey said, after 50 years of listening to people's sorrow and pain: " All my life, I have been trying to protect people from themselves"... Those of us who are familiar with self hatred know that even if there is no one there to criticise you, you have enough voices inside that do the job on a daily basis. It is like living with a roommate who is always there right next to you, whose only mission is to sabotage everything that is in your best interest. You are totally convinced that you are less worthy than anybody else, you have feelings of profound shame and guilt for no reason, you are unable to ask for help, even for the smallest favour. It is as if you constantly feel like " apologising" for existing in this world. Mindfulness meditation helps a lot to deal with this. If you think you aren't able to do it, just google this and try this guided meditation. The teacher Diana Winston is wonderful: " Weekly podcast at the Hammer, UCLA " Choose one episode that is about helping you to cultivate loving kindness towards yourself. 2. One sentence that always calms me down is this: " We are what we make out of what had been done to us". ( I am not sure if I translated it probably, but I have heard it from Gabriel Rolon and in Spanish it is: " Somos lo que hacemos con lo que hicieron de nosotros". ) It reminds me of something the poet Londfellow says: "If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility". Well, this also counts for the enemy that we have created inside! We don't even know our own " secret history" to begin with. If we could tell it to ourselves properly, going way back to our childhood and everything that went wrong back then, we wouldn't be so hostile towards ourselves either. There is a wonderful TED Talk about this by the psychologist Lori Gottlieb. She invites you to tell yourself the " true version of your story". The speech is called: " How changing your story can change your life". 3. Listening to psychology podcasts is very helpful too. When you hear other people's stories, you feel so much compassion for them. Eventually, by seeing how much you have in common with all of them, you may direct that compassion to yourself too. Here are some that helped me a lot: -Dear Therapists with Lori Gottlieb and Guy Winch ( The episode " Molly's father's suicide really got to me ! ) -The Psychology podcast with Scott Barry Hoffmann -The Confessional with Nadia Bolz Weber ( Here every person tells the story of the worst thing they have ever done. But then you see why they are all worthy of forgiveness and compassion ) -Shrink Rap Radio ( The oldest psychology podcast on the planet ) -Where should we begin ( Real therapy sessions with real couples! ) -Entiende tu mente ( for friends who speak Spanish ) 4. The book " Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach. Maria Popova, the founder of the wonderful Brain Pickings website, who must have read thousands of books in her life says that Tara Brach is the person who helped her the most and in fact she almost saved her life! You will certainly become more tender and feel less alone and anxious after reading this book. Tim Ferriss recommended it on several occasions too. He openly talks about the self hatred he suffered from, for years, despite enormous success. He says this book helped him enormously. 5. Elisabeth Gilbert has this beautiful idea that is very wise and tender: She says that we all want to be good and kind in this world. And indeed we have a great opportunity at hand: since we have ourselves 24 hours available, the best way to really "practise" this sort of kindness is to start with ourselves! 6. The lesson " Overcoming bad inner voices" from this channel is very helpful too. 7. For friends who would love to transform all that shame and guilt into something beautiful by simply being creative, but are too afraid to be seen, Ethan Hawk's TED Talk " Give yourself permission to be creative" is incredibly inspiring and encouraging!!! 8. The episode called " How to stop the war against yourself" from the " Ten Percent Happier " podcast is very consoling and full of valuable insights too. The guest is Tara Brach! Thank you for this very valuable lesson and for the wonderful animation!

[@nias3202]

Thank you, Lua! ❤🙏 Tara Brach's book "Radical acceptance" has helped me a lot, too. I'm returning to her talks when I feel small and seperate. I hope, you are well and I wish you a happy new year. For a little bit of dreaming and meditation I can recommend the films "Baraka" and "Samsara" by Ron Fricke.

[@bolivar1789]

@@nias3202 Hello there Nias. Thank you so much for your recommendations, I have added both of them to my list! I am glad you also enjoy Tara Brach's work. She is so wise and kind and has a great sense of humour too! To return you the favor, I would like to recommend you the series " This is us", which is truly a masterpiece. It is on Amazon Prime. Ich wünsche dir einen guten Rutsch ins neue Jahr und alles alles Gute für 2023!😊

[@nias3202]

@@bolivar1789 Thank you so much! Ich kenne kaum Serien. Da ist das bestimmt ein guter Start:) Dir auch ein gesundes neues Jahr.

[@nadamda4194]

i copied this whole comment to my notes so i can look at it and search up these recs in times of doubt. thank you

[@bolivar1789]

@@nadamda4194 You are most welcome! Thanks a lot for taking the time to read all this. Much love to you!🥰

[@SnakeAndTurtleQigong]

Thanks so much! It’s amazing how many social institutions lean into this imbalance as a way to control people.

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Well it's because it's a business, and it doesn't really take emotional wellbeing into account. It's messed up, but just gotta keep the faith.

[@stt.9433]

I had parents not quite as bad as this, but way too indulgent with me which led to me to waste my talents and be completely ostracized. My parents were pretty much absent. I recognize that it could have been a lot worse, like they didn't actively bully me or anything. They just were not there when I need them the most. I can tell my development is very delayed because of this. I was also too immature and hid myself in a world of distraction pretending like my problems would go away if I waited long enough. 10 years of self loathing and self pitying hoping something or someone would wake up from this endless cycle. I've been on auto pilot, doing just enough to get by all these years much like a child, because my parents and the people around me never pushed me to make me realize what I had been missing out on. I'm 23 now and I feel like I've recently woken up from a 10 year coma. I've awakened this drive inside of me to not just be good but be the best version myself. Was it my fault ? Partially, was it my Parents? mostly. But it doesn't matter, what matters is the present and the future. And I refuse to be a victim to my past. I have the cards that I'm dealt with, and you best believe I will do my utmost to overcome. I take every negative experience as an opportunity to learn and improve.

[@Olivia-W]

If they weren't there, they weren't "indulgent." Are they of the sort by any chance, to remind you of how "good" you had it? How others had worse, and you should be grateful? How clearly you must disrespect them by not doing impossible things, no matter how hard you try? Have you had to raise yourself, because all the guidance they offered was "do this" without explaining _how_ to do the thing?

[@RocketVet]

The part about friends leaving eventually definitely hits home. Especially after being left by my wife almost a year ago and having almost no family that has anything to do with me. I have lots of friends again but there is always that underlying feeling that yes, these too will leave me at any moment.

[@hijodelaisla275]

When they do this without explanation, it's particularly difficult.

[@RocketVet]

@@hijodelaisla275 to follow up on this, a few weeks ago we had a falling out. Been starting over again.

[@hijodelaisla275]

@@RocketVet I know the feeling and sympathize.

[@madmaxmedia]

The hardest part is our brains are not actually capable of remembering events when all of this often starts. We only remember experiences after this shame has already taken root, and so we logically assume this is simply who we are and how we were born- which only adds to the confusion and pain. But if you keep at it, you can find a way out. your life is your life don’t let it be clubbed into dank submission. be on the watch. there are ways out. there is light somewhere. it may not be much light but it beats the darkness. be on the watch. the gods will offer you chances. (excerpt from The Laughing Heart by Charles Bukowski)

[@alpha_baboon]

This is true . I'm the victim of it this get's very hard in adolescence 😢

[@realbobbyaxel]

Alain de Botton has the best voice in the whole wide world!

[@realbobbyaxel]

Also, it is kind of sad that the school of life has been shortening it's videos given the recent push of youtube toward shorts. But i request School of Life to make more and more long form content of at least 7 minutes and upwards per video.

[@Ryu-v8r]

I'm Sorry For many years, I carried deep feelings of guilt with me. Which have shifted again and again, as soon as I apologized to a person, for something. I carried the guilt with me and tortured myself, for many years. Until I realized that the one I really needed to apologize to was myself. I tortured myself the most. So I apologize to myself for what I did to myself. And the intention to apologize is everything. So I find my innocence, which I had once lost; again. And by apologizing to myself, I release my guilt. And thus I do no harm to others. Because I am at peace with myself and thereby with the world. Therefore, apologize to yourself if you carry feelings of guilt with you. Because you can't torture yourself and apologize to yourself at the same time. Tormenting inflicts suffering and apologizing takes away suffering. "Anyway" and "Yes" are the words that enable me to apologize to myself. Because I get impulses to get back into the hamster wheel of apologizing or torturing myself for certain things. But I say, "Yes, I'm apologizing to myself anyway." And I apologize to others when it's my free choice. And I use these two methods to do that. By either apologizing to people personally or apologizing to people within myself, if I don't want to make it personal. Because the honest intention is enough.

[@samanthac4164]

This video is so relatable. Each time I feel lonely or unloved, I start to wonder if I did something wrong to deserve this.

[@aldelgado9343]

I was taught that i was wrong by my peers and mom, now im all fucked up, thanks mom and peers

[@nazifaanjum38]

Dear stranger, I can see myself in you. I am all messed up too. Growing up and living in an environment filled with filth and thorns will not make us perfectly fine people. I'm ill-tempered, sometimes way too cold, and sometimes too vulnerable that I get taken advantage of, sometimes I make the wrong choices, sometimes I don't walk away. But these are parts of me. We didn't choose our family, or our mothers and fathers. They are definitely responsible whether they admit it or not. Viktor Frankl said, "If you can not change a situation, you are challenged to change yourself. " Our lives are difficult, and so is everyone's in one way or another. So, make this fight your purpose. This fight is to become the very best of yourself as a human. You will die one day. You don't have time. So, wear your best every moment. See your shadow and your light too.

[@trinaq]

Thank you very much, it's amazing how much we internalise as children. If our parents are upset, we think that it's because we must have done something wrong, and this carries over into our adulthoods.

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

And sometimes it is arbitrary, but it also depends on the relevance and meaningful nature of the situation.

[@jeremymaxwell8898]

I tend to think this way about myself, but after some honest reflection, I realized it's a form of self-centeredness. Not the self-centeredness that says, "I'm the best." Rather it's the self-centeredness that says, "I'm the worst." The problem is the same in both kinds of self-centeredness. We are centered on ourselves. The video hits on the solution. It's love. But to be clear, the solution is not only to be loved by another, but more importantly to love another.

[@hijodelaisla275]

Well said. I have an example of the point you make about self-centeredness. A co-worker responded to a neutral statement I made with venom and hostility, and then stormed off. Baffled, and a little shaken, I just stood there trying to process what had just happened. As it turned out, another co-worker, just out of visual range, had heard the whole thing. "Don't feel special" she quipped, "he does that to everybody."

[@Ana.Raquel.1]

Good analysis, so true

[@shevaschwartz]

Reminds me of Victor Frankl. Good stuff

[@JessMaccain]

@@hijodelaisla275 I don't think just because your colleague does this toxic thing to everyone means you shouldn't have felt upset about it?

[@mythsna]

We crucify ourselves for the wrongs done to us by our loved ones because we believe that we're not enough for the image that we have created of them in our heads, that we constantly run to for cover from the outside world.

[@nostalgia9338]

I really hate that feeling of guilt after telling someone off even though I know it’s the right thing to do. It’s worse than anger or hatred. Then I start replaying the argument over and over again in the hopes of justifying myself. This never occurred when I was younger now I experience it all the time. It doesn’t help when I have a gaslighting boss in a job I so desperately need. So I’m thinking this is why I’m always second guessing myself.

[@poodlelord]

This is proving to be the most difficult part in processing the passing of my mother. She was by all accounts a wonderful mother. Did everything in her power to ensure that I had what I needed. The sad part is how her power and abilities were limited by illness. So even though she was a wonderful person I am having to grapple with the fact that, through no fault of my mom or anyone else I know, I did not get the care I needed. I feel so guilty for this trauma. Because my mother did her absolute best. She tried so hard. Held on for so much longer than anyone had a right to expect of her. Where should I place this anger? While the trauma is from my mom it feels wrong to place it with her. It feels wrong to place it with my father as our relationship has grown and healed over the years. It is necessary to let go of this anger. It is just a lot to let go of. Decades worth of frustration and disappointment. Hopefully time continues to help me heal and understand myself better. Thank you for the reminder that it wasn't my fault. I deserve my love, not my hatred.

[@houstonbred]

I need to keep this in mind for the rest of my life.. sigh.

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

Human feelings are arbitrary, but it doesn't mean they're not important. I don't consider myself any more important than the person next to me...but I realize not everyone has the exact same experiences.

[@shanisankar5345]

All parents do mistakes. Whether they appologize or not certain impacts cannot be undone. The best and practical approach is to give an expiry date to blaming our parents, take control of the steering wheel as quoted somewhere. The only way an individual can be happy is by finding it by himself and letting the past go. The cycle of parenting will continue...we are all human beings who cannot be perfect... Learn to come to consensus with reality, past or present...

[@Drace90]

I've been bullied for my entire childhood (from my classmates, not parents) and I feel like I am just now starting to understand just how much this ruined me.

[@djbrady]

I hope you can get help to explore this and, ultimately, grow past it. You didn’t deserve to be bullied and you do deserve a happy life.

[@randompersonp119]

This is painfully accurate 😢 Ive been struggling with this lately and it feels like the Lord spoke to me🥺❤️ Psalms 34:18 He saves the crushed in Spirit and binds up their wounds

[@io100x100]

I noticed this for the first time when I was starting to fall for this guy. He was soo into me and I couldn't explain why. In my mind I was thinking, he will probably leave me when he starts to really see me. The problematic thing is that then it actually happens, you become so scared to lose that person that you start acting in a way that pushes them away

[@Sussana13]

This just happened to me recently

[@nicolec8884]

This channel is definitely reading my mind with these videos.

[@cursedalien]

It wasn't necessarily my parents who made me feel this way, but the other adults in my life. In any case, I have, since the age of around 10, been of the irrational belief that I harm people just by existing and am the cause of all the world's problems and they'd all solve themselves if I died and also everyone would be happier and less burdened if I died.

[@shivering_sky]

Well, I certainly feel seen.

[@vasiliki8]

Even those who' ve done us wrong... they have been also treated wrong by others... its a circle..its nobody's fault ..but its in our hands to find the cure and move forward ...

[@PraiseG423]

two wrongs don't make a right

[@robincrowflies]

Yes.

[@siemkens]

So... how do I get rid of it? .. I'm so tired of making it up to people I've never wronged... and feeling guilty for everything I do.

[@dyingpc]

how are you doing now? do you still have it?

[@siemkens]

@dyingpc I'm working on it but the guilt always follows me. Always eats at me. How are you feeling? Thanks for asking.

[@dyingpc]

@@siemkens I'm new to feeling all of this. I feel kinda the same way as you described, exhausted of making it up to people I've never wronged, also frequently feeling guilty which damages my creativity (which is very important to me as my job requires it) and my initiative nature. Yikes.

[@siemkens]

@dyingpc oh no :( I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. It might be wrong but I'm glad I'm not alone, I thought I was broken or something. Thank you for talking to me, I really hope you will find a way to live guilt free. I believe we can do it. Are you an artist?

[@dyingpc]

@@siemkens Awww I'm glad that I'm not alone too. Thank you for your kind words, I hope you too will find a way to get back and remain victorious! I believe we're not broken, after all being able to feel guilt is what makes us human, right? and yes, I make music for a living.

[@abdulmalikaleid]

I can’t explain how much this video means to me, thank you❤

[@mnisi_sindile]

I experienced the same feelings growing up and right into adulthood and always tried to overcompensate with "people pleasing" i went into a room full of people, meet new friends of friends, subconsciously believing "they know I'm a bad person and see right through me". I remember the first time my boss called me to his office, i was so scared and preparing an answer for something i didn't even know because i thought i had done something wrong and that he'd finally figured me out and realized he made a mistake by hiring me. I'm 38 now and habe not completely gotten over this, but I'm way better than before. I go into a room or meet people and tell myself "i am a good person to be around, i am a wonderful person, i am not perfect and so are these people, and if some of them happen not to like me, it is not because of me it is who they are." it made me feel better and i would always have fun without always looking out for signs that people don't like or enjoy me bzing around.

[@eksbocks9438]

From my childhood up until my mid-20's, I have had people constantly say to me, "It's your fault." Doesn't matter if I did anything productive or not. It took me a lot of years to realize I was just surrounded by hostile people. But the guilt still lingers in the back of my mind. Especially regarding relationships. Because I have never been in one. But somehow, everyone else has one.

[@hermetickitten]

This video is my childhood in a nutshell. So hard to watch 😢❤

[@anni730]

We are lovable amazing people. Our resilience is why we are still here. The mantra for continual practice is 'I am more than good enough. I am so lovable and worthy of appreciation and respect.' See how many times you need to say it to yourself to counteract the appalling negative beliefs and thoughts that cripple your self esteem. You are divine and beautiful ❤.

[@Quidwitchh]

Oh my god I’ve been scrolling the internet looking for why I feel so anxious and sick and guilty and this is the only video that’s actually explained it. I think it’s heavily tied with Anxiety/Shame/Self Hatred. Understanding the problem is the first step in being able to heal from it. Thank you, School of Life!

[@priamason284]

Damn I know how that feels it definitely hit close for me feelings of guilt whenever my mother brings up what I did in the past when I try to move on

[@zeynepcetin1687]

same

[@user-gz4ve8mw9l]

It's even worse if you can't move on if your parent had the government declare in absolutes you are the problem. For their abuse and neglect of you and you were punished severely for being abused. This happened to me specifically no doubt many other poor souls as well. I was punished all my life for being abused and neglected. That I believed I was the problem and ONLY me for everything wrong in the world. Up until recently in the past few years at least. Now I'm fighting the government in court for crimes against humanity its extremely daunting and traumatic. To have to relive everything because the government blindly sides with parents over children. Then commits unspeakable atrocities visited upon the child. Which only exacerbate the abuses, it doesn't help that the government is a cult pertaining to its dogma. So suffice to say even IF I tried to move on I cannot without beating the government in court at their own corrupt game alas. As it's ubiquitous without direct confrontation resolution and closure.

[@VinaySingh-jm8iw]

The last example makes a lot of sense to me. I often find myself mentally apologizing - it's a preconscious compulsion to ease my anxiety. Only when I catch myself do I realize I'm not apologizing for anything in particular.

[@Parismilp]

This is so beautifully said,and very true!!

[@azul4904]

three minutes and almost brought me to tears. to everyone here, you did not deserve it💔

[@tanishka_17rich]

My mom be manipulating me on how she is always right and I'm always wrong. So at the end I'm the one feeling disappointed in myself and my self esteem is at rock bottom. Idk when I will be able to regain it. Cuz whenever I tell her she hurt me she argues back that is doing it for my good. My foot !!!!!! So now I hate myself very much ..

[@willieluncheonette5843]

" Parents create guilt. That is the greatest sin against humanity. To create guilt in a child is criminal because once the guilt is created, the child will never be free of it. Unless he is very intelligent it will be impossible for him to get rid of it; something of it will remain around him like a hangover. Your politicians, priests, parents, they all are guilt-creators, because that is the only way that you can be controlled and manipulated. A very simple, but very cunning trick to manipulate you. They have condemned you, because if you are accepted, not condemned -- loved, appreciated, and if it is relayed to you from everywhere that you are okay -- then it will be difficult to control you. How to control a person who is absolutely okay? The very problem doesn`t arise. Guilt simply says that you are a sinner. And the feeling of shame simply shows you that you need not be a sinner, that you are meant to be a saint. If you are a sinner it is only because of your unconsciousness; you are not a sinner because the society follows a certain morality and you are not following it. This has to be your first lesson in sannyas: accept yourself, love yourself, drop all guilt, don`t divide yourself. There is nothing higher, nothing lower; all of you is divine. The lowest is as divine as the highest. Guilt is imposed by others on you. It is a strategy of the priests to exploit. It is a conspiracy between the priest and the politician to keep humanity in deep slavery forever. They create guilt in you, they create great fear of sin. They condemn you, they make you afraid, they poison your very roots with the idea of guilt. They destroy all possibilities of laughter, joy, celebration. Their condemnation is such that to laugh seems to be a sin, to be joyous means you are worldly. Sin is a technique of the pseudo-religions. A true religion has no need of the concept at all. The pseudo-religion cannot live without the concept of sin, because sin is the technique of creating guilt in people. To create guilt, all that you need is a very simple thing: start calling mistakes, errors -- sins. They are simply mistakes, human. Now, if somebody commits a mistake in mathematics -- two plus two, and he concludes it makes five -- you don`t say he has committed a sin. He is unalert, he is not paying attention to what he is doing. He is unprepared, he has not done his homework. He is certainly committing a mistake, but a mistake is not a sin. It can be corrected. A mistake does not make him feel guilty. At the most it makes him feel foolish. Encounter every situation with your total consciousness, without any guilt. Enjoy music, enjoy food, enjoy love -- enjoy everything that is natural. Blessed are those who have known meditation. Only those few people are the blessed people; others are simply groping in darkness. Meditation gives you an inner light, and then wherever you are there is light and whatsoever you do, you do in full light and clarity. Hence there is never any guilt, no repentance, no looking back. Whatsoever one does, one feels that`s the only thing that can be done. It is always right. If you really want to drop the guilt you will have to drop your parental voices within, the priestly voices within. You will have to get rid of your parents and your conditioning. Life has been in such a trap up to now that even a small child starts feeling guilty. We have not yet been able to develop an education which can help people to grow without feeling guilty. And unless that education happens man will remain ill, ill at ease. Charity is to unburden you from your guilt, so you say, `I am doing something: I going to open a hospital, going to open a college. I give money to this charity fund, to that trust....` You feel a little happier. The world has lived in poverty, the world has lived in scarcity, ninety-nine percent of people have lived a poor life, almost starving and dying, and only one percent of people have lived with richness, with money -- they have always felt guilty. To help them, the religions developed the idea of charity. It is to rid them of their guilt. One wants to be admired because one has no respect for oneself. We are brought up with guilt feelings deeply rooted in us. From the very beginning we are condemned by the parents, by the teachers, by the priests, by the politicians, by the whole establishment. A single note is continuously repeated to every child: that `Whatsoever you are doing is not right. You are doing what should not be done and you are not doing what should be done.` Every child is given directly and indirectly the impression that he is not really wanted, that his parents are tired, that he is being somehow tolerated, that he is a nuisance. Just enjoy life with no barrier, with no guilt, with no inhibition. If you can enjoy life with no guilt and no inhibition, a great compassion for your parents will arise in you. Now you will not be able to see how this can function.... No child is ever able to forgive his parents unless he becomes guiltless, because parents mean guilt. They have created the guilt, the basic guilt: do this, don`t do that; be like this and don`t be like that. They were the first creative elements, but they were also destructive. They helped the child to grow, they loved the child, but they had their own minds and conditionings and they tried to impose those conditionings on the child. So every child hates the parents."

[@Desertpunk_999]

I pray for everyone who struggles w this, we can get better no doubt about it ❤

[@coksoruvar5913]

Your voice is calming

[@Mark-sl7yp]

You guys are so close to touching my skin! Thank you for being there! Thank you so much! I truly feel what it means to not be alone! This is my first lesson! I think I'm going to sleep tonight for the first time in 11 years with a heart rate of 55 beats per second! That's what you guys told me! Again, thank you so much! ! And Happy New Year! EVERY ONE!!!❤

[@MsKatalind]

My parents have been this way with me my entire life even still today.

[@theother32]

I don't know why but I feel relieved when I hear your voice

[@kimberknutson831]

The School of Life has produced yet another deep, wise, meaningful, profound, and otherwise excellent video. Thank you. The relatively recent work on the subject of trauma has quite literally "changed the world" for me. I have been a student and admirer of the work of Freud and Jung and their professional "descendants" for many years. A couple of years ago, my therapist recommended the book The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Besel Van der Kolk. His work as well as that of Dr. Gabor Mate make it clear that the body "remembers" every experience it does and does not have (Neglect is as corrosive and debilitating as violence. My therapist says, "Violence is at least some form of contact.") at "the cellular level." Human beings are social animals who have evolved over millenia, and we require warmth and love and kindness and affectionate physical contact every bit as much as food and shelter to thrive and not merely survive. Dr. Van der Kolk defines trauma as "the inability to inhabit one's body without being possessed by its defenses." So whatever does and does not happen in our primary homes creates a "record" in the body that often exists quite separately from the "mind" or "that voice in our head" that we think of as "I." Our minds might want to imagine and create and aspire, but if the mind makes a move that the body might perceive as threatening because of past events, the body will undermine or do whatever it perceives as necessary to protect and ensure its survival. The body's primary interests are safety and survival. The idea that the mind and the body can and quite often do work separately and against each other is the thing that "changed the world" for me in terms of my continued attempts to understand the human experience. So to return now to the excellent points made in this video, as children, we learn to do what is necessary to ensure our survival, and our mind/body complex is extremely intelligent. We respond to how our caretakers treat us and are able to intuit or interpret what they require, so that they will continue to provide whatever it is that they are offering, even if what they are offering is not "all that much." For example, if we as children perceive that our parents or caretakers cannot handle criticism of any kind and yet we also intuit that "something is rotten in Denmark," then we will place the "blame" for said "wrong" on ourselves. It seems as though the idea of identifying "blame" would be evolutionary advantageous because it is a necessary aspect of problem solving. Problem solving skills are generally considered to be cognitive skills that would seem to be directed by the "mind," but the "brain" that controls the "body" is housed in the "body," which "remembers" everything. I really appreciated the part about the various "reasons" we attribute our particular "wrongness" to, which are things that are derived from the "master narrative" of the particular historicity and culture, i.e., time and place, in which our particular family exists. Every family is a reflection of the extent to which that particular family fails and succeeds at interpreting the "master narrative." One of the most famous opening lines in all of literature is that of Anna Karenina by Tolstoy. "All happy families are happy in the same way. All unhappy families are unhappy in their own unique ways." So true. I also agree that to free oneself from the weight of the existential guilt that we developed in order to survive, we must hold the failed parents or caretakers responsible. I don't think that they need to be included in this, though. It seems to me that finally holding them responsible for their failures as parents is the ONLY way out. It took years for a previous therapist of mine to convince me that I did not in fact worship the ground on which my narcissistic mother walked. That was a "skill" that I developed to survive. My current therapist says that rebellion is a necessary part of emotional maturity, "even if you don't have anything obvious to rebel from." For those who turned the blame on themselves and learned to repress their anger, rebellion can be terrifying not necessarily for them but for ourselves. If, say, you opted for depression rather than anger, that repressed anger might feel overwhelming. My experience is that it is overwhelming at first, but it gets easier as you move through it or let it move through you. Fortunately or unfortunately (I don't honestly know.), the only way out seems to be through. Thanks again, School of Life. : )

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

This is an impressively well thought sentiment. Sounds like you've been through quite a bit. And yes, the school of life is one of the finest yt channels around. It isn't always perfect, but it doesn't have to be to help us all understand ourselves deeper, and to realize nothing or nobody is completely faultless; including myself.

[@kimberknutson831]

@@EmbraceTheStruggle24 Ditto. I thank you for your kind words and agree with everything you said. Regarding perfection, isn't that a completely subjective interpretation despite various thought systems and "ologies" and "osophies" suggesting otherwise? I have the great fortune of living in Hawaii and have also lived in California. Have you ever seen a palm tree in the wind? They do not break because they bend and actually get stronger each time they "weather a storm." Fundamentalism in any thought system will eventually implode because evolution is in the order of things. Any "living thing" either evolves or dies. Take care. Mahalo and Aloha. : )

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

@@kimberknutson831 ah yes, they are definitely valid points. And that is amazing to know that you live in Hawaii. I'm from the northeastern US region, so it's been a little chilly here lately...lol

[@kimberknutson831]

@@EmbraceTheStruggle24 Yes, it is really nice to live here. I am a skinny, 58 year-old woman who does not really like any temperature below 80, so I cannot imagine being where you are right now. Good luck with that, and take care. : )

[@EmbraceTheStruggle24]

@@kimberknutson831 I appreciate the gesture. Thank you. Blessings and happy holidays ^_^ mele kalikimaka :)

[@MapleGJ]

This is so freaking awful it nearly made me cry. It's a lifetime of healing. The only real solution to this suffering is to realize that you are lovable and capable and to forgive your parents and pity them for they also had suffered from their parents. This suffering ends with you. Let go of all the shame, guilt, and anger, and replace it with love for yourself and others.

[@DoloresLehmann]

Those feelings can also arise when you haven't been treated wrong (at least not worse than the average flaws that every parent commits.) I remember feeling awful for being happy and privileged while so many other people in the world have to suffer. The result: a subconscious contract with myself that I don't deserve to be happy as long as anyone else in the world isn't. This lead to a lot of self-sabotaging my own happiness along the way.

[@Ms.Divine2024]

Wow why is this so accurate.

[@jpbart1390]

I used to be that guy, now I hate both parents with a passion & am still pissed off the worse of the two's still alive!

[@markanthony2495]

This is a great angle on the different types of OCD that people experience. Fear of _____, stemming from childhood trauma.

[@user-Mari_321]

I know…im 11…. My parents are overly strict and slightly abusive… I blame myself everyday for being not enough to them :(…

[@ccr7712]

This is very helpful video, it’s good to understand this, it can help you feel better in daily life. It’s amazing how the way you been treated as a child can affect your whole life. Good luck to everyone 🍀

[@Andi1simple]

Low-key mind-blowing & very helpful - thank you!

[@thenadie8]

We have to give ourselves the love we always needed. Its the only way to heal.

[@_Bang.chan.fan_]

This is a good and informative video I think more people should know about this based on my personal life

[@filmonmicheal1593]

Thank you mom

[@neilperkins9033]

That was just what i needed to hear, thank you!

[@lisabeyer4712]

I would use the word shame rather than guilt. Anybody agree? A small quibble, as this is spot on.

[@_helmi]

I think the video used guilt correctly because guilt is associated with behaviour ie. I am guilty because I did something bad. Shame is describes the person ie. I feel ashamed because I am a bad person.

[@annabelsmith7970]

Definitely agree. Just posted above a very similar comment. This is shame not guilt.

[@polyfawn]

Exactly. Guilt can be productive and help us learn and become better people. Shame is not being upset by our mistakes but by our own selves as a whole

[@MusicAddictAda]

The two are there : guilt is the constant feeling of having done something wrong, shame is the feeling that if people really knew us, they would not want to spend one more minute with us.

[@Juliet04738]

This is so heartbreaking 😞😭

[@worldviewYT]

accurately said. I don't have words to thank you🙏🙏🙏

[@queenchiomaofficial]

This makes so much sense, I gained some really powerful insights. Thank you so much.

[@ankle_burn]

This vid came into my life at a time when my significant long-term relationship was coming to an end. I was reckoning with feeling like a disappointment to my ex partner, but also my family. I felt guilty about all of my failures; and in retrospect, was dealing with an intensely critical inner voice that had started constructing narratives against myself, trying to prove my worthlessness. This video planted the seed for me to consider that perhaps, I wasn’t the one failing; that throughout my development, I was being disregarded and neglected at times when I could’ve really used guidance and support. Along with that realisation came a lot of anger. To an extent, I am still angry now, but I understand myself a lot better. I’m making inroads to understanding what I want, figuring out how to stand up for myself, and trying to tangibly make my life better. I still have a ways to go, and sometimes I take steps back - but I look back upon that first month when I was sitting in an empty room, watching this video on my phone and feel glad that I made a decision and started participating in my life. If you’re reading this and you are on a similar journey, I wish you all the best.

[@kenyantraveller819]

I hate that this is my reality. I don't know how to heal from this.

[@universaltruth2025]

Search up Richard Grannon’s videos. He does a lot of talks on healing from narcissistic abuse, which is where a lot of childhood trauma is generated. He also has a book ‘cult of one’. And also look up Pete Walker ‘Complex PTSD - from surviving to thriving’

[@kenyantraveller819]

@@universaltruth2025 Thank you

[@fear_not]

Wow! My mother always saying that I hate her when it’s not true. This Christmas when I wanted to discuss that she said that there was always something wrong with me, I’m crazy and I should go to therapy. Actually I did and that’s when I realised that my whole life she is blaming me for the things I haven’t done.

[@andrzejmaranda3699]

For me, this video is VERY IMPORTANT!

[@Vanessa-iq3vt]

The Isolation part is so real. I just want to change my number and start over for relief

[@onebourbononescotch]

This is so awesome. It is explained so clearly.

[@JaJaM.C.]

Thank you, thank you, thank you for this. Thank you. 💓

[@freeofavia]

Righteous anger! I love it 💕

[@ganeshdegala]

I think the perfect name for this in physcology is narcissitic parents

[@Movewithkhu]

Guilt thrives in isolation

[@untitled4549]

I feel so guilty for everything

[@Amine-gz7gq]

it's useless, for example do you have atomic weapons in your house ?

[@redwater2439]

I was so confused when you said you felt your videos are unprofessional. Because to me, they’re so casual and “digestible” that it feels like I’m watching videos that a friend sent me while she’s abroad and that’s why I love watching your videos! You’ve shown me a different kind of life that people live that I, across the globe has opened my eyes to. I like your unfiltered videos where you don’t stage every single thing before filming and really show life! Please don’t ever stop your channel! Especially the food and daily life videos!

[@michaelwhittiker4147]

I needed this today.

[@roidroid]

_It's time to make yourself proud_ _and everyone else a little nervous_

[@mycathasswag7242]

These videos are tailored for me

[@shreyanray999]

your videos make me cry so much. I grew up being told that I was the reason for every problem that ever befell my family. i stopped asking for anything and everything of need just to ease the burden I am to them.

[@MathewsNunes]

This video really helped me! This was precisely the reason of my lack of boundaries and the major root of my overthinking, thinking too much about all my previous steps, to explain why some people do me wrong, when I wasn't actually the problem. Of course we are not always right (being wise is above all being righteous and having discernment), but this is also true for all the other people on this planet.

[@snatch3970]

1:24 I oppened my eyes widely open when he mentioned that those people feel like they have committed a crime/shift accodung to the events in lige and the prevailing public mood. Like i dont even look at people and stare to the ground because I think I'm doing sth. wrong. I cant even look at a kindergarden playground because i feel like people think that I'm a pedophile. I just wanted to mention that its nice to know that I'm not alone and peope understand.

[@donnerblitzen1388]

So this sort of explains why I can’t seem to make any new friends at all, for fear they see me as “bad” or “evil” for what I have been in my past, even I know that I need to let that go and move on. It’s just that hard when you have lost almost everything from drug addiction and depression, then having to walk away from everyone I once knew as “friends”. I’m now 41 and basically alone. I don’t like being alone or feeling lonely, it hurts.