These Two Things are Killing Men

[@jamesl1043]

Starting a degree in counselling in two weeks with the end goal of specialising in helping men. This has helped reaffirm I’m on my right path. Thank you.

[@sihasnesh2016]

Good luck and wishing you all the best !

[@koyejojoshua2824]

Great decision!

[@JiMMY-my1ds]

Awesome! I’ve considered this myself. Truely. All the best! We need male support workers more than ever.

[@Bronasaxon]

I wish you the best of luck. But be careful- a lot of the stuff in that field is progressive nonsense.

[@CamStubbs]

Please do it’s been a hell of a battle to find someone whom hasn’t continued to project the “be a man” mentality. Had I grown up in today’s age I would likely be indoctrinated into trans as I don’t fit as a man. This thought scares the crap out of me as I fear the outcome, many boys be chopping parts off never to be happy with themselves 😣

[@RachelNichols-writer]

Now is a rough time to be a young man. We really do need you guys.

[@normanclatcher]

Yeah. I _used_ to believe this, too... Now I got my college degree, no debt, worked 4 full years of graveyards at a convenience store, then... lost my job due to exhaustion. Lost my room at my parent's house due to not being employed and being too caught up in my emotional/physical recovery to even _pretend_ like I was looking for another menial job until I recovered a sense of what I wanted to do that I was uniquely qualified for. Moved in with a former coworker with a diagnosed anxiety disorder who's lived independently since she was divorced by an abusive spouse, ~12 years ago. She's... loyal, can cook, obsessively cleans, is prone to emotional outbursts, but we get by. ...I'm 27, she's 44. I'm on borrowed time here no *matter* how I look at it, and I've only just been trying to do what was _expected_ of me...?? ...suck the fystem.

[@zad0k91]

You're just saying that to be nice, we're really not needed nor wanted

[@margaretcampbell2681]

Regulating emotions is so so important

[@lorablackbird]

Thank you so much for talking about this, Connor!! I had a good male friend who took his own life in his early 20ies and another who told me that he thought about it in his youth. And it was truly heartbreaking. I am watching your videos to understand the men in my life better and my relationships to them have improved since. I now make sure to tell my brother, I am proud of him and let my nephews just be themselves. It is painful when I hear, men are the problem. I look at my 6 year old nephew and in my eyes he is a perfect, beautiful and wild little boy who is slowly developing into manhood. He is not the problem. Neither is his dad. The world's problems are being created by greed, unprocessed trauma and immaturity. Neither has something to do with masculinity. So for all you men out there who didn't hear it yet: You are awesome!! And the world needs you desperately!!

[@gigglecompass1]

Thx for this. Imagine a world where it really did come to pass that we acted as if men weren’t needed. Civilization would stop . We need men and women

[@jackdeniston6150]

@@brushstroke3733 take action now then.

[@rayzerot]

We don't have to imagine, already in the US many women already do act as if men weren't needed

[@rigormortis3532]

@@brushstroke3733 Thats what will happen eventually. There wont be any people. We all likely kill ourselves off during world war 3. Sounds good to me. The world is better off without humans on it.

[@fineartlifestyling]

This is absolutely true! The west has completely become ungrateful for all the things men have built and accomplished for our civilization and for humanity. There seems to be a very black and white polarization where everything is just bad and evil or good and righteous. The reality is that for every single thing in the world it has a light and dark energy, this why eastern philosophy represents the duality of nature. Men are represented by Mars, a verile, hot active energy that can be destructive and warlike but also it is an energy of action, ambition, conquest, adventure, manifesting things in real life. This energy is manifested in both women and men! It is life and the thing that propels us. The feminine energy (also represented in both sexes) represented by Venus is passive, nurturing, seeking pleasure and receiving. The reality is that both energies are shades of gray in various mixtures that translate differently in genders. But that being said, the laws of nature do not change!!! Men have predominately masculine energy and their goal for self esteem and fulfillment is to be respected first and foremost for their input as providers and protectors. If the core of male fulfilment lies in validating their Eros energy as being valued for manifesting in the physical world, the realm of making money, hustling, making things, protecting boundaries, this is their true purpose and when this is respected and appreciated they blossom into the divine masculine energy! And it is indeed the purpose of feminine energy aka women to be gracious and grateful for the beautiful things that men bring to our society, our family, our lives. There is a very good reason why we were crated this way, we balance each other out when we are congruent and healthy in our feminine and masculine energies. People have forgotten these basic principles!

[@brianmeen2158]

@@rayzerot. Some women do but the vast majority of women need and desire men. Of the single women I know, only a tiny % is not trying to meet a guy to date and be with . So we need to dial down the notion that most women don’t need nor want a man

[@fictitiousart6410]

I’ve learned over the years that the only consistent happiness there is to be had in life is on your own

[@bobthegamer1880]

I don’t usually cry but this message has me in tears because as a man I have battled this my whole life, I been a good husband to my wife and now she filed for divorce after 17 years and that voice of being useless and not being needed is talking to me.

[@emilyhopkins9258]

It hasn’t left! We need men now. Always have

[@jjrael]

Ok, I never comment on videos. Long time listener. While I have loved many of your shows and have shared them with many men in my life, this one really got me. My promise to you, I’ll do better at supporting the young men in my life.

[@lutherdean6922]

rest in peace to our fallen brothers. stay in the fight guys, don't give up!

[@hearttalkscoach]

"A person as useless as I thought I was would not have accomplished this." No one teaches us the skill of self-validation, where we can say things like this to assuage our inner critics. And when we do something praise-worthy our internal AND external worlds treat it like a drop in the bucket. Then, my man Connor drops a video like this and reminds us the path out is through. Thank you.

[@chucklesm2391]

Why do you feel someone needs to teach you self-validation? There are no shortcuts in life, learning things and overcoming them on your own is how we become strong. What do you consider 'praise worthy'? And why do you feel praise is important?

[@hearttalkscoach]

@@chucklesm2391 Maybe its a bit of a chicken-or-the-egg issue here, but I think learning things and overcoming them on our own requires a healthy response to failure i.e. the ability to self-validate rather than assume "I AM a failure". Learning to self-validate without a model for it in our developmental years, and especially if our models were hyper-critical / disconnected / shame-driven, is incredibly difficult. I agree with your implication that it can indeed be learned, since I was able to do so in my late 20's with the help of guides like Connor and a quality therapist. Praise and external validation help us meet our basic need for belonging, and can help us bootstrap our internal validation and responses to failure

[@chucklesm2391]

@@hearttalkscoach I am 63, i grew up as a picked on kid, not good at sports or school. I started playing guitar at 10, i put up with so much criticism and discouragement over much of my life, but literally, everything I was made to feel inadequate at made me work at and overcome. As a music teacher, I learned long ago that encouragement does not help musicians, but criticism sure does. Nothing makes you work harder at something than yourself trying to overcome others opinions or judgments. Telling someone they can't do something, or are not good at it is the best motivation in my life ever. Be it doing math, playing guitar, being athletic... there were no models for me, I kept everything inside and never let anyone know i was hurt or felt inadequate. Maybe not healthy at the time, but it instilled resolve and made me the person I am, confident and successful. Also, as an Italian, we do not take praise well, anyone giving praise is looked at as casting a spell on you for failure. Just my 2 cents.

[@soul-etude]

Oh my God, thank you!! Thank you for sharing this ❤❤❤. So many people, men and women come these day to say: I don't need anybody and then feel absolutely frustrated and useless. And there is no one to tell them that to need someone is healthy to want a relationship is healthy, to be useful to someone is the meaning of life! Thank you so much for this very sincere, open hearted monologue! People really need to hear it!❤❤❤

[@karabo3079]

I love you man🙏🏽 I'm 22, doing my last year in college, almost 10 months in with my girlfriend. Started seeing a lot of my issues and troubles come to light and they scared me, until I found this Channel, been tuned in for a week now, working on my anxious attachment, and this video right here kind of summed up a crucial contribution to my anxiousness and all, learning how dark it could get, this early is game changing. God bless you man

[@sioxz8435]

man this hit home. i felt useless because i was sick and was not able to work as hard as other men or being able to keep a job due to my sickness. but once i started to be honest with myself and i'm sick and it's okay do the best i can and try to ask for help and things are okay i don't need to bring a value life don't need to have a meaning we are just here to enjoy it as best as we possibly can.

[@enice617]

Been going through it the last couple of years. I’m 35. I had a seemingly good childhood but a lot of verbal abuse, eerily similar to your story. This might be your most important video. Thank you for this

[@jamesw529]

Man.... This is SUCH an IMPORTANT message. This really hit home for me. This definitely needs to be "Manned forward." Couldn't thank you enough for bringing attention to this subject, and also letting other men know that they aren't alone.

[@GJones247]

I think society should start teaching everyone how what you do affects others. That is the best way for everyone to know they are needed. Right now, no one can look at anyone in the eyes. The eyes are an extension of the brain. People want to feel seen. Feeling seen at times feels better than being heard, because words cannot express what you are going through. This was a good one.

[@alallya8]

Good men who create and preserve kindness and peacefulness are eternally needed. The world are dangerous and chaotic enough, and women could no longer bear extra threats. Unfortunately, some men contributes only to create extra missery in many women life thats why they scared, and reconfigure their worldview that many men are not a protector and we need to protect ourselves and our offspring. Trust me, generous and beneficient men and women are always needed and cherished by society that willing to think.

[@JulietParrottMerrell]

I’m a female born with medium to heavy disabilities from birth and I have felt these exact same ways my entire life as well. I was raised and schooled mostly by Baby Boomer and older women who often treated me in very dismissive and condescending ways, which were considered socially acceptable at the time. Narcissistic abuse was also a factor. I wasn’t ever encouraged to do anything, be anything or have anything in my life that I could smile and feel good about. As a result, I grew up feeling like an ill-minded wallflower and not having a sense of meaning, purpose or direction. Suicidal thoughts were a part of my everyday reality from the age of 10 til about 50. It was then that I started working with the teachings of Neville Goddard to help improve my outlook and mind set. That’s when I started to see and realize what was wrong for me and what I needed to do to begin to make things right for myself. Since then I have committed to taking the bull by the horns and taking the initiative to teach myself new skill sets, accomplish goals, etc. in the end, I don’t care if anyone else notices or cares. I can’t wait around to be validated anymore because it hurts too bad to continue to do that. What matters most to me is that I did the best I could to honor and do right by myself and by my life. PS: My advice to women (and men too) is watch out for what narratives you allow your subconscious mind to become programmed with. Although many beliefs have changed in our changing, there is still a bunch of “old crap” in the water that just isn’t constructive or in anyone’s best interest to take on. Many of the things that women are miffed about now are the same things that feminists were thoughtlessly yammering on about when I was a baby. The thought process and wording (and the anger and resentment expressed towards men and the male gender) is almost verbatim. If you wanna see what I mean, watch season 2 episode 9 of the TV show Emergency!

[@imawarrior313]

I'm a 34 year old Muslim man from the middle east and i say god bless your soul for this message my good man .. this is an eye opener because we are facing the same thing here as well .. and i was a victim of this too and i feel this deeply .. thank you so much for all this and all that you do for us buddy .. much love ❤️👊🏻

[@sheezy2526]

Then tell ur god to come down and help men out.

[@imawarrior313]

@@sheezy2526 he's the most high and stays high where he belongs .. but his door is open for everyone my friend .. pray to him and ask him to guide you and he will never let u down .. its us that have to sincerely believe in him

[@user-is5mt7un7q]

♥️

[@imawarrior313]

@@user-is5mt7un7q ❤️

[@joshliam1967]

Thank you so much for this. I know for me personally, whenever I take care of my pet fish and realize how much their lives depend on me it gives me a real sense of purpose. It kind of sounds silly, but I'm so thankful that when I moved into a new place by myself last year I bought a fish tank and have taken the growth of the fishes lives seriously.

[@JulietParrottMerrell]

Awww…. This made me think of my fishie friend in heaven named Truman. Every day when I’d come home he’d swim up to the edge of his tank, and I’d go over and give him a kiss from the outside and we’d visit and chat and watch TV for the rest of the evening. I also gave him a kiss goodbye before I left for work each day.

[@joshliam1967]

@@JulietParrottMerrell Love that! Thanks for sharing

[@KFitz79]

Your honesty, transparency, vulnerability are refreshing. I think men not feeling needed is a sad, silent epidemic. This need to be talked about so much more. I wish our culture would shift to appreciating the important, unique value of masculinity and contributions of men. I think women take men for granted a lot now. It is sad.

[@snörre23]

Not being needed is a thing that makes me incredibly glad and feeling free to live my life. It would very much stress me to be needed. I miss being loved but i sure don't want to be needed.

[@brushstroke3733]

Amen to that. The burden of being loved is too much to bare. I can't be what loved ones want me to be, so I hurt them simply by being.

[@snörre23]

@@brushstroke3733 I am afraid i dont understand. What i meant is - i feel lucky to have my job, my money, my free time and enjoy that and doing my hobbies without being needed and responsible for anybody else. And also when i was younger i might have felt lonely and unloved but didnt care about being unneeded. Thats not my thing.

[@brushstroke3733]

@@snörre23 I'm just agreeing that being needed or feeling responsible to others is a heavy burden that I'd like to drop.

[@jackdeniston6150]

Needed without being appreciated, acknowledged, even seen, maybe. Or, just being a thing to be used.

[@aculem36]

Damn, Connor. I cannot put into words how this speaks to me directly right now. I'm there, right there. Today, having these dark thoughts, I'm 28 now, moved to a new place yesterday after spending 10 weeks in a psychiatric ward to stabilize. Had it quite well going for me until April and something brutally traumatic in relation to others happened. I wanted to end it all. I still feel the sting, the pain sooo intensely. Today, crying in the car, screaming my guts out, nobody would hear it. Not really sure which friends I could call. I have sooo much love for life, yet right now, there's mainly hate. I made some mistakes, definitely, ignored my intuition and got in trouble. Hearing you soothes me and gives me a bit of hope, yet I'm here cannot imagine that something better and very great is possible at all! Talking about parasocial relationships. well, you are kind of a dad for me that I never had. Thanks Connor, greetings from Germany

[@georgerodriguez2987]

I feel your pain bro I was there in the same age as you in the a psych ward I was locked up for a month

[@FoolforLife-w8s]

8 years ago i met my german gf. She was put in a psychiatric ward in the uk. I stood by her. Done everything i could to get her out. She went back to Germany. She came back again. We been living together again for the last year. I need the ward now. I am trying to be a father to the children and support her moods. Aculem Your better off alone. Enjoy life

[@aculem36]

@@FoolforLife-w8s thank you for sharing. Well, we need connection to someone, to some people we can truat and have shared interests with. I feel that, but being alone can also be good for some periods and time. I'm actually better now, settling slowly into my new place. I wish you all the best for you relationship and the family, keep going and follow your inner guidance.

[@fineartlifestyling]

it breaks my heart to hear how young men with so much potential are feeling broken in this way. Please know, that there are still women in the eastern block that have much respect and appreciation for boys and men. Masculinity is a wonderful thing when it is nurtured in a wholesome way. Thank goodness for men like Connor or Jordan Peterson who step in and role model the divine masculine. Men are very much needed, we have been created different for a reason. We balance each other out and compliment each other. It’s a beautiful dance between two partners. That’s what life is. That’s not to say we won’t step on each others toes sometimes or make the wrong moves, the choreography is a process that takes effort and practice, but the finale is a masterpiece when the dance is learned. Keep strong and know there are plenty of us women young and old who appreciate and value you, our beloved men. We owe a great deal to men, our protectors and providers, our keepers. There is no place on earth where I feel safer than in the arms of my husband. I always say that my husband is my home and fortress. You too will be that for someone someday. All you can do now it be healthy, strive to be the person you would want to be with and your equal will come! ❤

[@aculem36]

@@fineartlifestyling I very much appreciate your words 🙏 It really isn't easy and I feel lost and directionless a lot of the time, I don't wanna blame the culture or the politics, the academia or other people, but I see more and more that there is not much direction and clarity provided for young men, to really be initiated into life and thrive. It's beautiful what you write about relationships, somehow I now that's possible and I can get there, I've seen and felt that there is sooo much more possible in life. Right now, I can only take one small step after another. Bless you

[@kroffen7]

With male dropouts from college on the rise too, think I heard that the most common response as to why is "Didn’t feel wanted".

[@steve3131]

In a university, that is most assuredly true. AFter all, aren't male students (a diminishing minority- no "DEI" or Affirmative Action will ever be implemented, even when universities are 99.9% female) told during freshmen orientation that they're all would be rapists?

[@robertmay7674]

If you can tell a man you love him, it makes a difference. Everyone needs to know they matter, and you feel like you matter when someone loves you like a brother/son/father/best friend.

[@TheMikeD428]

Connor, this was one of your best messages. Thank you for sharing it with everyone. There are men out there who are still alive because you are here, doing good work. The simple message of telling another man, “You are important. You are needed,” is something we as a community can and should do. For some men, hearing those words is literally the difference between life and death.

[@Spicyboi7667]

This one made me break down. Literally crying in my room because I've been feeling this way for the longest time and I have been contemplating on ending it next month on my birthday. Once again I scared and stressed a women I really liked, not a dollar to my name, and just feeling useless and un-needed. I honestly don't know if I will ever get out of this pit, even if I work on myself and get stronger and better. If I truly knew there was a life after death I would have been gone a long time ago. Thank you Connor. I appreciate you. I don't know what will happen to me moving forward, but I'm glad you exist and speaking out.

[@hollygF1M]

❤

[@mynde8633]

Don't give up my friend, Jesus loves you and He's waiting for you. The formula to getting saved is to first repent, be baptized in Jesus name and then receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. Take the time out and talk to Jesus, tell him whatever is on your mind; good or bad. He wishes you nothing but peace and happiness in your life.

[@shameknite]

Plz don’t give up man.

[@kdm3675]

I'm guessing you are younger than me. I'm 40. I've had significant health issues my entire adult life. I've had times when I felt very stuck for many years in a row. Later I found myself taking more risks. Meaningful risks. Not stupid risks like driving fast, but like selling everything I owned to live in India. Let me tell you, you can make up for the feeling of lost time. I'm working to get back to India next year. My health got in the way again. My memories of India and my knowledge that I can rebuild myself, find new dreams, and find happiness in new ways I'm yet to discover keep me going. Seneca, the stoic philosopher, talks about when it makes sense to end things and when it's foolish. Let me tell you, I stuck it out through many rough years living in a garage feeling I had no future and that my health would eat away my dreams. Then years later I found myself in a nice hotel in the jungle with an Indian girl who took me on a free vacation. I still remember laying next to her in bed thinking I was pretty foolish for considering giving up back in that garage. Memories like that remind me to keep moving. Go through the Tao Of Seneca. Volume 2 talks about holding out through tough times. When you get to great moments in life, you look back at the depair and feel silly for having wanted to give up.

[@co2-fh9xe]

if you're going through hell, keep going. you're not alone. what helps me is rain meditation (rain for recognize allow investigate nurture) and positive self talk i'll put my hand on my heart or wherever i hurt, look the hurt child inside me in the eye put my hand on his shoulder or around him and tell him hey little man you're ok i like you you have every right to be here and enjoy life the world needs you. it is painful but the way out of the pain seems to be through the pain, so if we keep pushing the pain away we end up pushing ourselves away in the same way others did, so to feel seen we first have to see ourselves, sounds empty in the beginning but it isn't, once the connection is built its actually like having a good friend by your side just that it is not another person but yourself, hope that helps and all the best to you ...

[@karynroeseler2652]

As a mother of 3 sons this is heartbreaking

[@jcronin3155]

Unfortunately, women don't care about men's issues until they have boys of their own. It's only going to get worse.

[@Tim_G_Bennett]

Thank you for watching, I hope your sons do well in life.

[@jack-tr9fd]

I wish women understood the reality of the world before they had kids

[@IFYOUWANTITGOGETIT]

@@jack-tr9fdyup.

[@MelodyMaker]

Credit to you for listening intently.

[@robertyoung1381]

I feel this way in my personal life. Work is a different story, but the second I come home from work my feelings of importance instantly drop to nothingness. I love my family, but I've not felt needed by them for years and years.

[@camnewton5550]

Being a man is challenging and difficult, thanks for this video. I felt a lot of these things that you just said.

[@dragonbeardable]

The pain of discipline or the pain of regret.

[@wendylafayette213]

Thank you for opening up and being vulnerable with us about your own upbringing! So proud of you for choosing to work through it and for deciding to use what happened to you as a way to help others!!

[@marlenedistancia452]

❤ My heart goes to all men.

[@RJ-01]

Men need to start speaking in truth in public, don’t sugar coat words, but still speak with respect. That helped me personally, because the mainstream and women wants you to accept, I don’t accept shit, I do what I want, you would be surprised how much people don’t care and will respect you more when you say it like it is and take action.

[@lightofathousand]

A lot of people ask, "Would the world be better off without me?" For many people, a more difficult question is, "Would I be better off without the world?" When you get both of those questions together, it's hard to get over it.

[@Bluzian74]

Especially when one then reaches the forgone conclusion that not only is the world beneath me, the world doesn't deserve me. Hell, it can't afford me. Thus, then, it's probably better for a world war to break out, nuclear catastrophe, economic disaster, environmental ruin etc... because bombs don't discriminate, and violence is a great leveller. You have three options basically: It either has to be revolution, suicide or terrorism (violence/fear). Nothing will change unless we change it. Personally, I now laugh at flooding, hurricanes, mud slides, sinking ships, train derailments, etc.. it gives me hope.

[@alexvelez3272]

I've felt like this over and over. Got out of the military with ptsd. Wife divorced me and took my kid. Dont have family, friends. Im all alone... Sometimes i know im not worth my stay here... I feel defeated at times.... Maybe my time is coming soon

[@celtaciaclemment1229]

Don't do that, brother. Please. There's a purpose to you. You just have to stay around and find it.

[@RachelNichols-writer]

My condolences. Please don't.

[@fineartlifestyling]

This is so sad! This is the one thing ptsd does to veterans of war. The damage it leaves in its wake is relentless. I hope you have psychological support from other veteran groups. Try EMDR. There are some ways to mange the PTSD, it’s no cure but it’s better than the acute state of being perpetually stuck in that cycle. Booze and drugs are also a bad bandage and a road to further hell. I am sending you my best ❤

[@alfaisaac024]

@alexvelez3272 look into Hypnotherapy or Psychedelic assisted therapy, such as an iboga retreat. Your biggest issues are residing in your subconscious and coloring you reality and behaviors. There are solutions, but you have to believe they're out there for you first. I'm in a men's group ran by a vet who's gone this path and transformed him life. Let me know and I can put you onto him

[@kastellolo5212]

You are worth a lot more than you think. I lost my dad when I was 2. I don't have any memories of him and was his only child. I'm pretty positive about your son being grateful he has a dad who loves him. As long as we breathe, it is always worth it. Cheers brother.

[@annan4866]

Thank you for sharing this, it needs to be acknowledged. I can see how discouraged my sons in their 20s get from the way society is now. I am glad that they have a sense of self-worth from the conversations we've had through their lives but it can still be a rough road.

[@J.Mathias44]

In a previous relationship, my girlfriend at some point in the day pulled me aside and said, “I really appreciate all the little things you do, like making the bed, doing the laundry, and making sure we always have something to eat. It really means a lot to me”. It was very sweet of her, and I was very moved. Those tasks were just things that needed doing in my mind. But the acknowledgment meant soooo much to me, like I was doing something useful and valuable!

[@amantinoubliable]

Thank you for being vulnerable Brother.

[@Nulfinator]

You did a fine job on this video! I suffered as you have. For me, at some point the depression became continuous. My suicidal ideation became pretty much a daily occurrence. I have gone so far as to accept my uselessness. I have checked out of life as much as possible, no job, few friends. I have an extremely comfortable couch, and an internet connection, I get Social Security, and food stamps, state funded healthcare so I live well, but simply. I am in counseling, and on Zoloft (seems to help). But the key is that I accept that there is no point to life. We, as men, are as useful as a bicycle is to a fish. I appreciate your video very much ... Keep up the good work! Bill

[@housekeepah]

Thanks. A beautiful perspective I read somewhere that might complement this video is this: Imagine a row of newborn babies, which of rhem has the highest value? Ofc they all have the same value! This inherent human value is not lost just because you become an adult, we all still have it. It is so easy to get caught up assigning value/worth to our achievements, comparing ourselves against others. Take care ❤️.

[@jones6119]

My nephew is 20 and the suffering is heartbreaking.

[@karengouws8527]

I am a trauma therapist and u are spot on.. that’s the first thing we work on, finding their ‘North ‘ and how to get there and become useful again.. Amazing transformation is possible!! We need and ❤ our men !!! Ty!

[@stephencaron3047]

I really appreciate you. Thank you so much for sharing.

[@kingjonsenoj]

Chefs kiss. I have been there before and you are totally right. I could not imagine getting to the mountain top, and now I'm working on climbing the next highest one!

[@v9b23j]

One way to feel useful, serve, support, contribute, and add value is to volunteer. You may also feel a sense of belonging. I also believe that people who receive your support will appreciate you, consequently you will feel needed and worthy. Research on happiness shows that when you focus on others and emphasize how you contribute to your community, you are likely to significantly increase your sense of joy. According to a survey conducted by BioLife, respondents reported an increased sense of purpose (45%), increased happiness (36%), improved mental well-being (26%), increased self-esteem and confidence (20%), and reduced stress (11%).

[@laszloszaniszlo9662]

This was a well put, very useful and important message, video. I’ve been there, off and on, and fully understand. Thanks.

[@Gideon986]

Thank you so much for your testimony and words! Big respect from Croatia 💪🙏

[@KathrynReif]

It’s always the darkest before the dawn. Perhaps there is something men need to learn at this juncture of the world. Women telling each other that they do not need a man doesn’t mean they don’t want a man. It means take care of yourself. Some people are abusive, partners die. This is important advice for women.

[@jcronin3155]

I'm most grateful I stumbled upon this channel. It's probably the only channel that addresses every single male issue of today's era. This really is a refuge for men of any age or demographic.

[@AB.56159]

Connor, I've seen a few of your videos over the past year or so. You're putting forth some good thought provoking and inspiring psychological content, good on you for that! For many years, regarding various interpersonal issues I've attempted working through with others. More often than not when attempting to work though resentments or misunderstandings, people dismiss the opportunity to truly reconnect or at least meditate peace through amends by working through it. Responses such as: (it's no big deal, I forgot all about that or, it's water under the bridge, or saying nothing at all as if you said nothing).. Are easy and simplistic avoidance phrases or tactics that don't allow healing, or possibility of positive forward momentum in relationships. In reality such attempts are often avoidant and dismissive reactions in the relationship, or non-willingness to deal with potential resurfaced pain. Such ignorance is wasteful, yet often unfairly used against the person originally bringing the issue up later; as a manipulative control tactic. While my example may not initially seem directly related to your topic, it is a good example of the psychological manipulation that results in many interpersonal insecurity issues faced by both men and women these days. It is unfortunate however, that most women don't treat the men in their life with half of the respect or consideration that is given to them.

[@ChznnQ]

I can totally relate to this. Thank you!

[@IndridCold00]

Hey, thanks for the loving message

[@L6FT]

"Make your pain your purpose". Thanks you so much for these words. I really needed to hear this to realise how far I've come and inspire me back into the world. On women claiming they don't need men, sure...until crap hits the fan, then it's useful to have some men around.

[@jbdsvld8175]

Just the message and the comments I needed to hear. A congregation of good men.

[@antonvoytyuk976]

Thank you so much! An inspiring speech

[@Godisfirst21]

Most men live lives of quiet desperation. I'm a woman, and I know this is true. We need men. We LOVE men.

[@normanclatcher]

And I prefer lesbians. :T

[@Enter-a-name-7789]

@@normanclatcher You can still be kind to others. Both men and women. We’re all human.

[@normanclatcher]

@@Enter-a-name-7789 Yes. I can. And some humans are lesbians. And this amuses me.

[@Enter-a-name-7789]

@@normanclatcherDid I say lesbians are not human?

[@normanclatcher]

@@Enter-a-name-7789 no, but _I_ could. They seem... _otherworldly._ Ethereal, even. 🙂

[@Mattrycky]

Finally gets to the point at 6:25

[@petelipson3769]

My son turns 14 years old next month, 2 of his closest friends do not see their fathers much, if at all. I did not have a good relationship with my dad at all as a teenager. Still not great in my 40s. Came here to your channel for some ideas on being a good father, role model to my kids buddies.......appreciate the dialogue and that you give a sh**. Many people don't.

[@no_more_free_nicks]

Thanks for sharing your story, I can relate to it, I released a lot of pain.

[@thecobaltblue965]

You’re the best channel out there for stuff like this. Thank you brother

[@ManTalks]

Thank you so much, appreciate you tuning in and hope the channel keeps reaching the people who need it

[@PookaFey11]

Thanks for this one, Connor. I'm very grateful to have found your channel about 6 months ago; I'm one of your female subscribers. You have a real gift, the things you say go straight to the heart.

[@lisaramoutar7416]

Amazing story and contribution. Thank you for sharing this. Very timely, and God's continued blessings. 🙏

[@theimaginarium]

Great stuff. Feeling useful is EXTREMELY important to men, whether or not anyone wants to admit it. Postive masculinity is about protecting, building, and strengthening everyone around them.

[@darrenmanser2847]

Whenever i see a man commit an heinous act i go 'Wow - this man entered the same world i did with all the same fundamental needs, desires and fears. How the fuck did it all go so wrong? But conversely - I hear you. You that entered the world the same as that guy did, looked at the rope on the ceiling (or in my case the large immovable tree on the side of the road everytime i drove home from work late at night) and look at you now. So authentic. So courageous. And so relatable to so many of us men. Thankyou x

[@qhew]

wow, feeling “not needed”, “not useful” at age 16 male, mid teens. powerful topics. such topics were avoided in discussion when i was 16 in 1950’s & probably still are. it’s your mind playing tricks - causing death fantasies. for most of us, they’re never acted on. seems one should just “keep busy” & not “over think” to avoid these potentially damaging thoughts. i think more action is needed by society. but what? primary/secondary classes, school psychologists? now in my 80’s, for me these thoughts (called “passive SI”) are pretty common. yet i had a happy childhood with support from parents, neighbours, older siblings etc. only some school bullying affected me. i always seemed overwhelmed by life, felt overly sensitive & prob spent too much time thinking & alone in my youth, indeed for my whole life. contemplating away from others was my comfort zone.

[@mikecaprock9684]

Personally I think this starts with bad or absent parenting. Men need to be guided by their fathers. Mothers are important of course but they cannot finish the job. And you can get it from other men. But there are a lot of men who reject their sons. I know. This leads to a crippled life of constantly searching. God Bless.

[@alexsimard5151]

Thanks for this man, 44 now and experienced many things you discussed in this video. Keep up the great work!

[@freeagent8225]

Perhaps I am useless but I have no lady to constantly tell me, so I live in bliss.

[@marik8624]

commenting and sharing for visibility

[@alfaisaac024]

All self-oriented mental problems arise ultimately from the Unconscious. Unlocking and resolving this is the key. Particularly for men right now

[@peterhoatson]

Well, this video was very useful!

[@richardbuckley1232]

When I was younger I had these experiences as well.

[@AR4ace]

Great content!!! Appreciate you and your contnent

[@UTP504]

I can definitely relate, great message.

[@momentsinminutes4032]

Thank you so much for this, Connor!! I really needed to hear this!! I’ve been struggling with the same thoughts recently and this couldn’t have come at a better time. Love your work 🙏🏽

[@TheTeodorsoldierabvb]

Used to be exactly like you, and the men writing those. Still am in a way, but fighting it. Faith helped me personally, discipline, and working on myself. Quit my drug addiction, quit alcohol, resumed workouts, built myself a house, in the process of building a career. And the secret? Finding my own dignity, even that means loneliness. Thats what Ive gathered so far.

[@christianalleynemojica2481]

Thank you for this video. Felt like you were speaking directly to me

[@mrmorphic]

thank you. this is an important video for alot of guys to hear

[@zloungeact]

I'm 40 and have had "dark" thoughts come and go since I was 11. At one point in my life I tied a working noose and planned to use it after I ran out of money. That was 17 years ago. Things are 1,000x better than I ever thought they would or could be. If you're in one of those places, or have been in one of those places, you're not alone, and I believe you can come out stronger on the other side. In the words of Rocky Balboa, "until you start believing in yourself, you ain't gonna have a life." I promise you can do it. ❤

[@theroamingcanuck49]

Your words are kind and inspiring.

[@skylinefever]

I wonder how for many people it really does get better, and when?

[@zloungeact]

@@theroamingcanuck49 thanks bro! Never give up. We are all so much damn stronger than we know.

[@northernmichiganoverland]

Thanks for what your doing man!

[@josephrice6807]

This was amazing. Thank you.

[@Wurzelbinder]

I want to be useful to those i love. There is a differents between being useful and being useful…

[@voyageswithshyeasha1398]

Thanks for sharing this!! Men are very much NEEDED!! ❤🫶🏿🫶🏿

[@augusti40]

I'm right there. Failed businesses, unemployment, married with 3 children. I'm seeing a therapist. Got stuck in loops of magical fixes and selfdeletion ideation. Still have no plan, no hope, don't see a way out. One of my friends had a failed attempt a week ago. In ICU with severe brain damage. Things like that and the guilt of leaving my wife behind with a mess is in constant battle with the feelings of worthlessness, hopelessness, and a complete lack of control over any of the circumstances. These feelings have been at the core of my life since my parents divorced when I was 5. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what I want anymore or what to do. I'm stuck with no way out. Talking does nothing. Thinking does nothing. Watching these KZbin videos do nothing. Doing something and trying to get things going result in more pain and suffering when things inevitably crash and burn. Some things are just unfixable. I'm close. I've got a good plan and everything. There's just a risk it won't be successful and then I'm just completely fucked.

[@carlorizzo827]

Guy, you do sound close. I can't tell you life is beautiful, worth saving. It's a miracle I did not succumb. I affirm 1 thing: it's a trance. When we're in that place where offing ourselves seems like a great idea, we really believe we are thinking rationally. Not the case, it's a trance. I for one never want to do anything due to trance

[@co2-fh9xe]

the fact you are writing comments on youtube shows you have not lost all sense and longing for connection please look for help be patient with yourself and don't give up. down the road someone you love dearly and who you love dearly will tell you they are glad you kept on going and you are going to thank yourself. you are needed

[@fatherburning358]

You still alive? Hope so. You have the answer just waiting for you to open up to it. Your parents divorce and what happened after. 5 yr old You is still helping you survive life. But his ways don't work in your adult life. Look into that with as much energy as your using thinking about self destruction. This is internal work. And give yourself a break man. It's a lot I know. I've been there, many times. Just say no to the self destruct thinking. Because that energy won't go away if you do. Others will catch it. Your kids probably. Anyway, I don't know you but I've been you. Face the dragon monster inside you, you'll be surprised who you find.

[@georgerodriguez2987]

You’ve hit the nail on the head

[@tspice11]

Thank you for this!

[@TheOnlyBatman]

Before seeing this video I had this exact same feeling and wrote it down in detail and tried to explain it to my partner. The shame is that she didn't hear what I was saying and nothing changed, in fact the dynamic got worse the more I took positive steps to better myself and be more useful and less of a dick. I love your videos, they are so clear and concise and I really hope this helps even one man out there to feel better and hopefully at least one woman understand and appreciate men a little more.

[@ele6854]

💙 thank you for talking about this hard stuff

[@themasculinismmovement]

Thats how I've felt most of my life. The times I didn't feel that way, and was actually wanted or needed by others, I was being taken advantage of and used, only to be discarded when they didn't need me anymore.

[@greensea66]

If only I had heard this message when I was a younger man.

[@JohannesYtterstrom]

Men and women are needed. You are!

[@nnglnd]

Men need a goal. Thats it

[@brianmeen2158]

Yes and finding a woman to be with often provides the core motivation of why men try to better themselves ..

[@Khaegch-favh]

​@brianmeen2158 Thats such a codependent and gross reason tho. Men need to get a life before a women. It's not a woman's job to be the 2nd mom and an ego manager. Women don't even get a prize for it, and they sure dont get protecrion when the malfunctioning man becomes depressed and abusive. Women become a punching bags and home appliances. Men need to get it together

[@BansheeKing22]

Meh

[@alfaisaac024]

And to fix their subconscious beliefs

[@skylinefever]

They need a goal that is actually achievable.

[@sandmandealer4640]

When you feel like no one cares about you, it becomes real easy to get selfish

[@starsiegeRoks]

Very true. There is a reason for the "imma get mine" mindset. Starts a downward spiral into men shooting at each other over resources/women/etc.

[@steve3131]

I wonder. Women are constantly reassured that the whole world revolves around them, and yet they're more selfish than ever.

[@anstrengende]

A lot of this story sounds so familiar. I felt "worthless" after a bad break-up, a second failed LTR, and am still climbing out of the hole I found myself in in 2022.

[@theroamingcanuck49]

Keep going, and remember to give zero f***s! It will get better.

[@starsiegeRoks]

​@@theroamingcanuck49no, giving zero Fs can very much put you back into a bad situation. Always pick your battles and always weigh risk. For example, dont hurt yourself at your work because you give zero Fs about satefy protocols, or dont go to jail because you give zero Fs while driving. Generally, caring, at least for yourself, tends to lead to better long term solutions. Oh, and always make sure your financially salient before you entangle your life with someone else, so they dont leave you holding the bag if the relationship goes south.

[@theroamingcanuck49]

@@starsiegeRoks Yes, you're right. What I really meant was not caring about the opinions and judgments of others who don't want you to succeed.

[@brianbachmeier34]

Thank you

[@KC-bv9kf]

You are very correct and your messaging cant be any better. The world needs everyone and, I’ll say it, we need to get our heads out of our asses. I’m a middle age guy. I volunteer at the homeless kitchens. I spent months in jungles in Asia and Africa helping to dig wells. I delivered foods to homebound elderlies. Practice gratitude and I volunteer. I don’t want validation. Stoicism, try it and think about others instead of ourselves. That’s a life fulfilled

[@Po3try27]

Thank you so much man

[@margaretcampbell2681]

Try volunteering you are definitely needed there