THIS is What the Anxious Attachment Man Wants You to Know!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

AP men or partners of one! Lets hear your thoughts and comments!

[@221rays]

AP guy here. Everything is definitely on point. I totally agree that mostly I give a lot to my partner in a relationship, without even checking in with myself, whether I'm getting back enough or not. It's a sad thing, cause I then always tend to attract people, who in general do not wonder about my needs, but are just happy to take whatever I'm giving. :/

[@atmodlee]

AP men will do anything to make their partners happy, even at their own expense. And they won’t complain about it either. But silently they build resentment.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for sharing your experience ❤

[@sethtenrec]

@@atmodlee totally agree that we build resentment because we don’t ask for what we need and want. Of course the answer is simple, and I’ve been starting to ask for what I want. It requires some thought and some courage but it can be done!

[@alkismavridis1]

I want to throw this off my heart. Being and anxious man sucks, especially in the first stages of dating. There are few things that can turn off a woman faster than the lack of self-confidence, the emotional neediness and the "please love me" attitude that we tend to struggle with. This leads to lots of rejections, which feeds further our insecurity. The danger of a negative feedback loop is real. On later stages of relationship, this tends to get better though, and our so called "superpowers" can make us good partners.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for sharing your experience with us ❤

[@Medietos]

Amy Kerr has a good program, menat for women, but "not harmful to any men". REally good. We have to get working and practising with our wanted selves for anything to change. Seeking a good efficientcoach/ therapist?

[@sethtenrec]

@@MedietosI like Amy’s channel, a bit “heavy”, but tons of good info. Matthew Hussey also has great videos, also aimed at women, but the tips are more attachment-style based than gender specific.

[@abigailcosta1716]

You guys are amazing partners. Spoken from an Avoidant woman. I just dont like the "Nice Guy Syndrome" when AP men don't speak their needs, they just "hint" stuff and we get confused when you get resented.

[@roshalllambert]

I loved this series! and I loved how you busted the myth of APs needing their needs met endlessly!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Glad you liked it San :)

[@AlarKemmotar]

Exactly. There have been periods when my partner was meeting my needs very well, and it really doesn't take all that much for me to feel completely satisfied. Most of the time it's just a real struggle though.

[@careitina1412]

When I come across anxious men,it feels like they are literally built out of love; so much attunement ,I usually feel so exposed,as if my thoughts are seen somehow in the air,or heard! It's almost scarry)

[@georgeelder8415]

You should know, I care deeply for a DA. Yes, being empathic can be one of our superpowers. I can often tell if she is feeling some kind of way. I believe it's mutual... I wouldn't be too concerned about it, he might be taking the data and using it to avoid issues that could damage the relationship between the two of you...

[@careitina1412]

@@georgeelder8415 I always wondered,may be you can tell me- do you experience attraction towards AP women? I don't see many couples of 2 AP's; do you get borded,or like there is not enough attraction,or what is it?

[@georgeelder8415]

@@careitina1412 Yes, is the short answer. It seems like, there needs to be some substance underneath the physical pretty quick as beauty fades... The substance could be anything a man values... The dynamic between the complementary types seems to work for both... With age and maturity it appears there's a sort of transformational shift making each of you a little bit more like the other. YMMV, of course, it's one man's opinion/experience...

[@michaelr3025]

A third point could possibly be a desire to be validated when we express our love or commitment. I'd suggest that AP (and perhaps FA) men may be rather prone to feel rejected if their expressions towards their partner goes unnoticed and is not reciprocated. Cue in a negative spiral. Yes, an unhealed AP can come across as being too much too soon but even a more healed one feels the sting acutely if their bids for connection are not responded to.

[@armanzardast5848]

I am an AP and all you said is true and I can relate. I always had this feeling of "nobody understand me" but right now even with new people I become blunt and tell them what I expect from them and I see they will do the same and it is good,at least I know their needs and they know mine.

[@sethtenrec]

Yes, blunt can work, with a smile and even with humor.

[@Brandon-yr3nj]

I think a lot of AP men experience so much cultural shame about their emotions that they end up looking like avoidants. I’m DA and my AP partner and I both used to ‘take space’ a lot; it took a long time for us to figure out we were doing it for VERY different reasons. he’d take space when he felt taken for granted and wanted more attention, but I’d assume it was because he needed distance, because that’s why I take space.

[@kein0damenbesuch78]

APs can be toxic too by being controlling, putting their partner down, yelling, insults etc know this from some couples snd my own experiences, but tend to see themselves as victims very much..

[@DEmersonJMFM]

I think part of the problem with expressing needs is that they can come off as if they'll negatively affect the relationship, or seem like a burden or lack of confidence when they are stated. I know a big part of my problem is that often I wanna give too much love too quickly and then wonder when I'll get some love back. It's too intense for others, while I have to work on better patience.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Thank you for sharing :)

[@sethtenrec]

Absolutely, as AP, that’s almost my first motivation to not speak up, is fear of damaging the relationship. What I’m learning, slowly, is that actually speaking up for yourself in a positive way (not as a crybaby) is appealing to others, and could easily strengthen the relationship.

[@wdrumz]

The day I find a woman who actually gives a shit about my needs and wants AFTER the honeymoon phase is over will be something else. It doesn't seem to exist much anymore. 😂🙃 And who actually wants to make sure im doing okay and if there is anything I need. Damn will that be amazing.

[@canis556]

Whenever I expressed my needs and feelings to my DA girlfriend, she said she feels not enough and I always got grudges. Even when I was carring and saying i love her. That became really frustrating and with time I started to express anger as then she was paying attention, otherwise I was just ignored and issues were rescheduled for later

[@sticktightNIS]

To my AP ex wife being married, buying a house together, starting a family and telling her I loved her multiple times a day still wasn't enough. She left me for someone who love bombed her and discarded her as soon as he "had" her. Now I'm DA with major truzt issues. Never dating a AP again.

[@Usedtobeabandalore]

They always monkey branch

[@chadgibson1331]

I did the test and it said I was avoidant but I definitely think I am the anxious

[@superdupeninja8149]

Thanks for this!!!!

[@Marauder-kd8zi]

Any anxious or any attachment ever feel so giving and caring and all you want if anything in return is for them to even just say thank you authentically whether that’s verbal or by actions or by showing even the slightest level of acceptance that you matter to them All in all you just want peace People do not realize the slightest form of acceptance appreciation validation is everything like just once in awhile just want your partner to just take your hand and just say thank you for everything you do for me and that’s it those small gestures go along way and my ex never realized that and that’s sad It doesn’t take much to show appreciation and people act like your more work than it really is

[@Medietos]

So what is it that anxious men want me to know...? I didn't hear that answered and it would be good to know. I also wonder how you look at men expessing feelings a lot, how that makes them effeminate and losing life-energy,Testosteron, which is of couse not wanted.

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

(If somebody's looking to be loved or if somebody's really wanting love in their life.) I think that one might have really Hmm I'm not sure, but maybe you're right, maybe she wasn't looking for love, but just fun or healing.

[@georgeelder8415]

Isn't loving someone and being loved a form of healing for both of you???

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

@@georgeelder8415 Yes definitely, I agree and that is definitely what I hope to find someday, but I think maybe what she was saying was that there are different flavors or dynamics of relationships or individual wants or desires. Maybe some aren't looking for love but for fun or a certain type of healing etc. ?

[@JacobCarlson-uq1my]

@@georgeelder8415 Like maybe I fell in love of her but she wasn't wanting love in her life. Maybe it was a form of healing or fun she was desiring or looking for?

[@devonjahnjez]

I was he,my DA broke up & my last text was I need assurance 😅…😊😊2 weeks later I googled why she broke up via text & blocked me boom!! 🎉

[@JHolland]

Currently tryna work on myself an research ways I can be a better person and researching how the girl I likes attachment style works, I’m tryna stop being an anxious as much, so I’ll show her this when I get her back as lost her due to me not realising she was avoidant

[@henryb6009]

I took me a long time to figure out I was this kind of man. I m now pretty convinced there is no chance for an anxious man to maintain a long term relationship with a woman: no woman stands that because gender roles and possibly genetical factors forbid this to woman. Being an anxious man is the exact opposite of what most sane women long for. This is specially true if anxiety tends to be expressed along with anger. I think that very few if no woman will stand this situation. I'm 45 and I think the only way out of this is to go through intense psychotherapy and spiritual path.

[@anewlifestirring]

Brilliant presentation that opens to many questions… Perhaps the AP man doesn’t want you to know his needs. He is shameful about them as is any abused victim, convinced that if he makes his needs known, he will be dumped as a needy simp. Perhaps he is convinced that it is only by pouring himself into the relationship without having any needs for himself that his existence will be deemed acceptable to the loved one. Perhaps he will end up spousing a person he does not love, he does not fear losing, on on whom he is not dependant, a stifling simp who is dependent on him. Or perhaps he will spouse a covert narcissist who constantly needs validation and is not liable to abandon him ? To be a simp or not to be?? …. Live with a simp or be a simp?? Is that the question??

[@Marauder-kd8zi]

Anyone ever truely give because it’s in your nature and ultimately even if you feel you should get something in return if you do all you truely want is the person to consider your feelings and show that your recognized around them and not dismissed so many times I would go out with my ex and it was never fun always controlling

[@dentrout9383]

YEP! ❤❤❤

[@hurricaneaquatics]

These are turning into half so-so information and half commercial.

[@wdrumz]

Felt that 😂

[@sukitha001]

Thank you for this video!!