Thoughts Mid-Shutdown | Life a an Autistic Mom

[@Autisticheather]

I have a hard time letting myself do nothing. I get annoyed about the wasted days. I have a hard time not beating myself up for not being able to do anything. Getting angry because i have so much to do

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I get that. I have started trying to approach the "doing nothing" days as days that actually "DO" move me closer to getting back to work! It's like progress that you can't really see or feel until your battery is recharged.

[@nicoleh6519]

It’s a huge struggle for me to do nothing because if I take a day off from cleaning, for example, it just…waits. Tomorrow I have twice as much. Work stuff you usually get at least part of it covered for you if you call in, but no one else folds the laundry or vacuums or rakes leaves or whatever. It just sits there waiting. My whole house feels like a to-do list when I’m home with a meltdown.

[@kunichiwawa]

Has anyone experienced this? The biggest trigger or should I say.. push(?) for me is how my partner reacts. Two of my biggest Melt/Shutdowns blew up when my partner completely ignored me when I needed to be understood or rescued.. although it’s never been her job to rescue me at all. It’s super painful regardless.. So through these meltdown tips and tools I am trying to learn how to swim and save myself whenever I am drowning.

[@andEYEooop]

Yess I can 1000% relate to this with my past partner on more than 5 times for sure.

[@stacyeisner441]

"The last thing to collapse is the surface." Albert Einstein

[@MomontheSpectrum]

i've never heard this quote before. Thanks for sharing!

[@irmielam5192]

Wow...I never knew any of this...I thought meltdown meant a screaming fit or something...but what you're describing happens often to me...we recently went to a very difficult new computer system at my office and I've had so many days of feeling at my wits end... I definitely have adhd...but I'm getting pretty sure I'm also on the autism spectrum. Actually what a relief...I feel like crying...in a good way. All my life I've felt like a "weakling"... not able to handle stuff others seem to breeze through.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. I can’t definitely relate. You aren’t weak. One word my psychologist told me to substitute for the word “sensitive” is “responsive.” Responsive is an empowering word. Our bodies respond in an appropriate way to real stressors! You aren’t broken.

[@irmielam5192]

@@MomontheSpectrum thank you!!

[@jesusfollower5588]

I’ve had many meltdowns and shutdowns my whole life and I just thought something was wrong with me. I didn’t know I was autistic but the last few years I knew I processed things differently. Until I found these videos has really helped me know it wasn’t me and I wasn’t crazy!

[@neurodivergentme]

“I feel like I’m floating and drowning at the same time”- THIS! It’s such a weird and unpleasant feeling. Also, giving ourselves grace in parenthood is essential. I don’t understand the level of judgements that exists in the parent world. We’re all just trying to do right by our kids without losing ourselves in the process. Thank you for sharing so candidly.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You're welcome! Thanks so much for your comment.

[@heedmydemands]

Omg yes I'm so freaked out by the judgement. I do things not the same as expected some, I know it's different but it's the way I can handle it in some cases. I have such a hard time seeing myself as an ok parent

[@kimberlyschmidtclark8220]

When I'm having one it feels like my skin is crawling. I'm having trouble even typing this right now. Thank you for sharing because I feel like this is what I'm going through today

[@MomontheSpectrum]

So sorry you’re going through this today! You’ve got this.

[@kimberlyschmidtclark8220]

@@MomontheSpectrum Thank you ✌️& ❤️

[@victoriajohnson3034]

I've learned that i need comfort, self care, sleep, alone.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Me too!

[@tired_squirb]

thank you for putting words to all these feelings! it clarifies so much about myself. meltdowns feel so uncomfortable and confusing and frustrating but it simplifies it so much to just know "this is a meltdown" and then give yourself lots of rest. thank you for being so candid!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You're so welcome! I’m glad it is helpful to you.

[@miezepups15]

I'm still figuring out if I'm actually on the spectrum or just very closely adjacent to it, and one of the main points on the 'adjacent' side is that I thought I'd never had a meltdown before. I suck at masking and so - my thought was - I guess I just always stimmed my way through it or just left and hid alone in my special interests before it got too bad. But silent meltdowns, or shutdowns, those I can relate to. The hangover after social occasions. How I barely function for the rest of the day after having sat in an unfamiliar waiting room. How I felt quietly awful yesterday, after I got my allergy shot from a different doctor than the one I'm used to... It makes sense.

[@amylarson7481]

I really needed this video!!! You look so put together and come across looking so perfect on the videos... I'm a homeschooling mom now too, I miss my old vocation because I knew that to expect. I love my kids I thought I'd be better at being a at home mom and now homeschooling. I m new coming into the idea that I am Autistic or Ausburergs and I haven't been officially diagnosed. Today I had a meltdown with my kids and I feel depressed now and sitting on the couch and just done.

[@healingamanda]

Also having a meltdown at the moment. I don't have my ovaries anymore, still get the cycle symptoms, not as bad,still comes round😢 hormones fluctuations is a real thing for me. Melatonin kick in around 10/10.30! Feels like a mini panic attack. I'm a late bloomer, 57😮 I thought I was OCD and ADHD and bounced between the 2 vibes. Now I certain I have Austism. Ticks all the boxes. 💡 Thanks for sharing, I see your eyes aLSO goes dull❤

[@sarahleony]

It's super interesting to me that you call this a Meltdown. I would probably call it a Shutdown. The terminology/definition with these two things is still very elusive to me! In my mind, a meltdown is more of a short, "violent" outburst and a shutdown is longer lasting and maybe comparable to a depressive episode. So it's fun to learn how others define the two! In the end, it doesn't matter what we call it I guess. I have definitely had similar experiences to you. The worst was when my now-husband left for a deployment to Iraq early into our relationship and after he drove off I just had NO idea of what to do next (like literally the immediate next minutes and hours). Such a weird sensation! Anyway, I hope you feel better soon (and don't bother responding, save that energy!!)

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You know the longer I observe this, I'm thinking it is most likely a shutdown. I am also learning how to talk about these things and would agree that meltdown is shorter term and a shutdown lasts much longer. Definitely in shut down mode lately. I appreciate you sharing your thoughts and especially that you're kind in your approach to using different terminology. Love what you said about it not mattering what we call it and learning how others describe things. I think that's really important.

[@jamietreu4786]

I came here to say this too! I think we’re all learning about ourselves and about what terms to use when referring to our experiences, so I wasn’t upset that you were calling it a melt down, but I would lean toward calling it a shut down or burnout just to separate it from melt downs that are more clearly defined events, like episodes of crying, or releasing pent up energy physically, because I experience those times too.

[@ChristianMcDonald-pe9eu]

I say husband immeantvwife, shevdoesvget it. Am to lean lazy

[@ChristianMcDonald-pe9eu]

@@MomontheSpectrum l

[@ChristianMcDonald-pe9eu]

U r stronh6 thank u

[@truthsleuth945]

I work in 'complex care' which can be very draining. I am trying to look after people with a range of cognitive, emotional, neuro-divergent and other challenges, often single-handedly, whilst not being too far away from my own meltdown.

[@jelliemish]

Thank you so much for turning on the camera and talking about this as you're having a meltdown/shutdown. It made me realize that I've been in shutdowns more often than not lately, cause I couldn't make sense of it. And as soon as you started explaining what it feels like to you, a lightbulb went off for me.

[@christineclarke9063]

Selfish is something definitely i feel needing so much alone time. I also feel like a awful mum not wanting to be around my kids all the time. Its a really hard thing to deal with as a parent.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes. It’s hard. Hope you give yourself as much grace as possible. You’re not alone.

[@CatsandHatsCrochet]

It really is hard.

[@anneboulton8717]

Mid meltdown here. It's a buildup of job related stress that resulted in a terrible coldsore which is making my sensory intake HELL. Plus it's Hallowe'en, and strangers coming over feels like a nightmare bc my lips are so swollen and awful. I put candy outside, lit some pumpkins up and hopefully that satisfies. Feelings of not knowing my baseline identity as you put it is very familiar. Who am I? What do I even like? I feel floaty, inert, and uncomfortable as well.

[@OldTimer1970]

As a neurodivergent adult with a neurodivergent son, teaching him things via his interests and screen time has been a blessing. we work together on building games and mods, I thought I was intelligent, but he runs rings around me, experience is the only thing IO have over him. It's a pleasure to watch, and know he's had the beginning that I wished for, and that makes every moment worthwhile. We treat screen time as adults, at eleven he already knows how to take breaks from it and what is good vs bad for his age group. As a parent I'm so proud, but also sad, because I know deep down right now, he'll never accept I've been honest about the positivity I see in the things he has accomplished.

[@jimwilliams3816]

I’m going to have to watch this one in pieces. After a few minutes I started to feel like I was watching myself in a mirror...not just identification but literally. Very strange feeling. Round two, I'm back in ADHD land, too many random notes: I did not turn off the ovaries part...for one thing, that was my mother, only she was more so from the sound of it. Also, long before I thought about autism or ADHD, I had a suspicion that hormonal variations could dysregulate me too, but being male and lacking clear indicators of a cycle, it's nothing I've ever been able to puzzle out, and could be I'm wrong. Hangovers...yep, if I have a meltdown, especially an explosive one, an 18-24 period of depression always follows. Partly adrenal fatigue I think; a lot of the CNS physiology involved in autistic meltdowns, ADHD meltdowns and fight/flight/freeze is probably similar. But there is actually a more hangover-like sensation that often follows a period of overload. At least some of the time I think it's related to residual high glucocorticoids; when the sympathetic nervous system triggers fight or flight, you get a shot at adrenaline, and if it persists, cortisol levels rise. The adrenaline can go down fast but the glucocorticoids are much slower to subside...much MUCH slower for some of us. Like you, I do feel like my dysregulated states offer me a lot of data to examine; getting it is not fun, but it is intriguing. I notice that interoception is being added to the list of senses related to sensory processing now, and I have a feeling interoception factors in a lot for autistic people. I am not so good at describing emotions, but I am very good at noticing and interpreting internal sensations. About kids: if you have neurodivergent kids, they (like me) may withdraw to solitude a lot, which might help but the times don't always line up. About moms: I say this as someone who was not a mom, or even a parent: IMO, one of the most destructive human behaviors we have going is Mom Shaming. I completely understand that it is hard not to be affected by it, but for what it's worth, you all have my absolute support if you want to ignore all Mom Shaming. (Now, if we want to get into algorithm shaming, I'll join in! They don't always encourage healthy behavior for lots of people.) The source for some biology bits here is Robert Sapolsky, and for anyone who considers neurobiology a special interest (like me), and has up to 40 or so hours to spare, I highly recommend his 26-or-so-part lecture series on the Stanford University KZbin channel, "Human Behavioral Biology.") He has other book-related lectures available, which are also great, but the course lectures were SO much fun. LOVE the ones on molecular genetics, but YMMV. Some stuff about autism, though less than I'd like. If you want to do just one, I'd pick #14 on the limbic system. (By the same token, you just reminded me that I do want to read Neuro Tribes.)

[@remygallardo7364]

I understand this very well as a fellow autist. I keep a daily excel document up to date with a simple rating on how my physical, mental, and emotional health are doing and a quick note about how the day felt. I have been finding that I get symptoms of dissociation and depersonalization (a disconnect between your physical self and your psyche, can feel out of body but I would describe it more as feeling like you're sunken into yourself and everything is happening on autopilot while you're inside doing your own things). I've only been keeping data for a month at this point but already beginning to see a pattern that as my executive function/mental health declines leaving my emotions more exposed I begin to retreat inward and get that dissociation until I can recover and have that mental filter to protect my emotional health. I also was able to start recording the data before a meltdown occurred so I could see what it was like. Mental and emotional health both collapsed fast and it was three days before I was back to normal, but emotional health recovered first and mental lagged behind. For me that indicates the most important thing for managing meltdowns, at least for me, is to minimize as much as possible and let things be. The natural inclination for autistic people, I think, is to instead double down on using our brains to try and control and push through things which just exacerbates the meltdown and crashes our mental health further.

[@remygallardo7364]

Also as someone who grew up undiagnosed I am happy to hear how you raise your children and I hope the best for you and them. Encourage them in whatever they are interested in and allow them to learn what they love the most early! If I had been afforded the support and freedom to experiment and learn freely at a younger age I wouldn't be $40k in debt for a college degree I didn't need and don't use. And I wouldn't have developed a habit of chronic underachievement to prevent praise. Public school is rough. I went to 5 different high schools and 8 middle schools because we moved so much. They really can vary greatly. I hope the best for you all!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

These observations are fascinating. I have also wanted to create a spreadsheet to observe the state of my mental and emotional health. I think you are correct in saying that the first response for many of us is to double down and try to use our brains to think our way out of what is going on, when really the best approach is to let things be. Much easier said that done but I really appreciate your insight. I needed to read this today.

[@remygallardo7364]

@@MomontheSpectrum If you'd like I can send you an email when I get home from work with my document and a snapshot of my spreadsheet to show you how it works, it was intentionally made simple because I wanted to share it with other neurodivergent folks, and is a good starting point for anyone looking to be more self aware.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

@@remygallardo7364 That sounds wonderful! My email address is available under my "About" tab and then scroll down to the Details section.

[@alexamunoz7943]

I can relate to a lot in this video. Ever since high school, I have needed naps to get through most days (social exhaustion I guess). Same on periods! Took awhile for me to remember that I was going to feel VERY on edge about everyone and everything that normally is no big deal. I have had to tell my kids (4 & 7) to make all their loud noises in their rooms or in the backyard. Can’t deal with all the auditory crazy in every area of our small home - especially my room! 😅 I have to go hide away if my hubby or kids are watching/playing annoying tv or video games that overwhelm me. At bed time (when my patience is spent) my kids are at their most clingy and hyper. Perfect combination to feel overwhelmed!

[@sarahleony]

Another thing I meant to comment: over the past few years I have gotten better at recognizing my own signals that rest is needed. Some more consciously (for example I've noticed that I have reoccurring dreams whenever I am super stressed out, even if I don't feel especially stressed during the day) and some where my body just forces me to hit the breaks. Which is helpful! But what I then run into, of course, is guilt. Because someone else (namely my spouse) then has to pick up my slack. And he is also the sole breadwinner with a demanding job. He gets exhausted, too! NTs get burnout, too! How can I justify listening to my cues and allowing me breaks, when so many NT people would also need them but society doesn't easily grant them.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes. I feel this deeply too. My husband shoulders a lot of the responsibilities when I'm out of commission, and sometimes I try to "be ok" even when I'm not so that he doesn't have to deal with more talk about anxiety/overwhelm. I'm learning how to better manage it but it is definitely challenging.

[@passaggioalivello]

I'm glad you shared this, thank you. During a meltdown I'm unable to do anything. I'm totally unfunctional.

[@JasonWadeLewis]

my official DX(Jan. 22) is adhd..... it did not check all of the boxes of all my "characteristics | quirks"...... but it gave me access to medication that gave me the ability to think and to process information a little easier for the first time that I can remember for the first 45 years of my life. Your content covers a lot (most) of the other "check boxes" that the adhd DX does not. 2022 has been a complete mind f*ck for me..... first, the adhd dx.... now there is this other "thing".... I don't want to be a label My wife tolerates my adhd DX..... She has been incredible. She stepped up to help me the best way she knows how to for the past 6 months as I | we process my diagnosis of something(adhd) I NEVER believed in. The last 2 years broke me mentally.... I can no longer mask or fit in..... It is TOOOO F***CKING EXHASTING..... I hardly leave the house...only when work requires..... I am learning my body signals to TRY to avoid these meltdowns | shutdowns...... Some days are successful..... others, not so much. Your content helps me understand more. Thank you for your time and thank you for sharing. I send you and your followers success!!!! Stay safe!!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Hi Jason! Thanks for sharing your experiences here! Glad you're part of the channel.

[@caityw2524]

Thank you, I'm feeling all jumbled. Huge schedule shifts, multiple life changes and probably moving, health issues making me physically so uncomfortable. Moving closer to family is the goal but also the hardest social obstacle. Just got a hypochondriac article sent to me by my sister...Yeah, it's too much and I'm floating through making sure everyone is good. I just want to eat flavored sunflower seeds for every meal and research my special interests intensely. The obligations to getting ready for a possible move are almost paralyzing though. Ok, enough ramble oversharing from me. Thank you again 🥴

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Never oversharing here! Please feel free to share whatever is on your heart to share. Moving is HARRRDDDD. Maybe one of the hardest things for people on the spectrum??? A complete upheaval of our safe spaces and disruption of routine. But it sounds like moving to your closer might help offset some of those challenges? Thanks for sharing your thoughts here! Please let me know if there are any specific topics I could cover that might be helpful to you.

[@caityw2524]

@@MomontheSpectrum I miss all our family a ton. Moving closer will help with no visitors in my space for a whole week at a time. I really do not do well with visits and would prefer to have a dinner or lunch that I can leave whenever I want to. The visits were 2 weeks long at first. 🙃 I want to see them all in doses. Some challenges from not having much support system out here will be better near family. I'm a hermit by nature, but I will push myself for my kids. They changed my world. Thank you, I actually need to look up more on the process of moving out of state again. Been awhile and first time with kids. The timing of packing is breaking my brain since we're still in limbo about when the move will actually happen. Waiting game 😐. I love your channel and I appreciate you putting yourself out there.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for sharing Caity! “I’m a hermit by nature but will push myself for my kids.” Couldn’t have said it better myself. Good luck with the move! You’ve got this. 👊🏻

[@lanamaceachern3097]

Taylor, thank you for sharing this experience and for all of your content. It has helped me so much. I'm in the final week of autism and ADHD assessment and hope to have a formal diagnosis very soon at the age of 48. You've helped me along my journey even though we've never met.

[@bryanmerton5153]

Awesome video Tay! Very brave to open yourself up like this. I think it is interesting that autistic people are so varied yet so similar at the same time. For me a meltdown is me bunched up in a ball filled with frustration, anger, sadness. There is lots of hand flapping, head slapping, sometimes crying, sometimes talking out loud trying to work through what is going on. They last anywhere from 10 to 20 minutes then they are gone. Once they are gone I am spent and I need a day to recover. I have had nine this year which is really good as they used to be more frequent. I try and log each one once I have recovered to try and figure out what led up to it. For me its never just one thing, its a build up with one final thing triggering the crash. I think its cool that you said you felt like a scientist. That is what I have been doing as of late. I used to feel embarrassed or shame for melting down. Now it has just become an interesting study of self and trying discover what happened and how can I avoid the next one. I think I will always have them as I am just not capable of processing everything in my world. After 62 years of being me, that’s ok! Sorry I have gone on too long. I just love all of the points you bring up! Thanks again for sharing!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Bryan - you never go on too long! I seriously love your insight. You have so much wisdom and self awareness. I think it is extremely interesting how so many on this channel document shutdowns/meltdowns/weird days. One commenter even has an entire color-coded system he created with the help of his psychologist to better understand himself and the trajectory of his days! People on the spectrum are so cool. I'm so glad to be able to talk with so many here. I notice that many times I internally feel compelled to do physical things like hand flapping or hitting my head, but I don't think I had much room to do this as a child. I think there was so much shame that I felt about doing anything like that so I just kept it inside, which I think makes it worse. It leads to me wanting to crawl out of my skin and scream. But yes, like you said, there's usually ONE THING that makes everything else topple down, after I've ignored lots of other warnings. I appreciate your awareness that you'll probably never avoid them altogether, but you're still hopeful that you can make changes. Please always share whatever insight you feel like sharing! I love it.

[@AurorasWindow]

I just found your channel, super helpful! I have shutdowns often. I’m a parent and have an intellectually demanding full time job. Plus all the things going on in the world. So I shutdown almost daily, especially on demanding days. I feel like I can function for 12 hours, as soon as I hit 12 hours awake, I can’t function anymore. I still do stuff, I mean, I have a kid lol but my eyes start slowly closing and I can’t help it. Once my child goes to bed, I need to spend some time in the dark, alone, ideally with no unwanted noises. I’ve noticed this is the only way I can continue functioning in my life. I need to take time off everything on a daily basis, even if it’s just 30 min alone in the dark

[@MomontheSpectrum]

time alone is so important! i understand where you're coming from. and as a mom we have so many demands placed on us. hang in there and keep following what works for you!

[@pilgrimlearning9530]

Hi Tay. Thank you for this video! I recently learned that the PPD I thought I have and have been struggling to get out of is actually a prolonged shutdown and autistic burnout. I have been feeling exactly what you described in this video! I'm a homeschooling mom of an autistic 7yo and a nearly 2yr old, with no plans to change that, and sometimes I do just need to "zone out" a bit, but my 7yo gets triggered by random (to me) words on movies/yt shows/ songs/games so we really can't allow screen time. It must be so helpful that you can have that as help when you need it! Thank you for this video!

[@nicoleh6519]

Have you tried videos with no words? There are birdwatching videos on youtube (made for cats, but who cares), instrumentals with nature pictures on Netflix, asmr with no talking on youtube, etc. Maybe something like that would be doable? Or playdoh time usually gets me a break.

[@jessiekittelson6398]

Feeling this this week! After the Holidays, I’m spent. Every year I go through this and then I look forward to having my routine back and going back to work, but I don’t look forward to that rat-race either. It’s all overwhelming and difficult to describe. One of my kids is neuro-spicey and getting him back into the morning routine will have us both spinning! 😅

[@rudeoptics8409]

I think I'm autistic....it's been scary to think about but because of people like you I'm more comfortable and am getting tested.

[@roxyflorina7888]

Thank you so much! Your videos are helping me more thank anything else, as a mom in the spectrum as well, self diagnosed at almost 44. I am so grateful for people like You. Oh and I gasped at the end, when you said that thing about the sky and the clouds.. that îs one of my mantras and favorite idea to use when in a funk :)))

[@MomontheSpectrum]

💓

[@CinkSVideo]

I’m sorry you are in the middle of this. Can totally relate. There is a basic Buddhist principle that is “All things are impermanent.” This is a helpful concept for me as a reminder that this moment is not my permanent state, and it is still important to be present even when things are not going well. Hopefully, this allows me to cope better as things rise again, to recognize the warnings. You basically are describing this for yourself. Wishing you the best (and tons of alone time) as you recover.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you so much for your kind words!

[@ACKaplanis]

My daughter needs heat to feel better during a meltdown too or a sharp scratching feeling. I love the idea of a hot/warm bath. I've bought heating pads and made hand warmers, but the bath may be better for full body warming up. I'm still trying to figure out what to do while out and about if we can't immediately get home.

[@ACKaplanis]

We are trying hard to be aware of what brings the meltdowns on too, of course!!

[@nicoleh6519]

You can buy little handwarmers for camping that you could carry with you? You break them kind of like a glow stick to activate them and they are pretty hot for a couple hours before they wear out. She may also find something like a smooth rock helpful for keeping meltdowns away. I had a “rock friend” I hid in my pocket as a kid. I would pet it (hidden in my pocket) sometimes because it was soothing to pet something. And earplugs, sunglasses, etc, but you probably already do that?

[@ACKaplanis]

@@nicoleh6519 That's a great idea! They are probably more easy to find as we are in the winter season where I'm at now! I'll have to stock up! I made some that we heat up in the microwave for at home, but they don't travel well! 🤣

[@ACKaplanis]

@@nicoleh6519 I'm going to ask her about something smooth too! Thank you so much for your reply!

[@tiffanylbacon]

I have been in autistic burnout for almost two years. I’m exhausted, hyper sensitive, ADHD off the charts, overwhelmed, panicked, anxious, heavy, disconnected…. I feel so stuck because I can’t break the loop (work stress, personal stress).

[@ElizabethLovesFitness]

Thank you. I needed this video today. I appreciate your perspective and bravery with sharing.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

You are welcome. So glad it helped! Thank you for your comment.

[@NiinaSKlove]

:You’re awesome :This video is SO interesting : You inspire me : You’re so good at describing how you feel, it’s actually quite pleasant to listen to. 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸 As an autistic person myself, I can definitely say I can relate. I really like your channel ❣️🥰

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you Niina! That's so sweet. Please let me know if you have any suggestions for future videos.

[@tiegrsidesignsandstudio4794]

I WISH I could find some "alone" time; I need it so very badly...but even when I am literally hy myself, I never FEEL alone because I am constantly thinking about when I have to pick my kids up from school or when my partner will come home...just complete stressing out about when my "alone time" will be interrupted again to the point that I can't actually enjoy being alone. I don't know how to fix it.

[@TuPlanDeIdentidad]

Thank you for this video! I sm just in the process of officially getting diagnosed and I am allowing my self to be more aware of how I feel and what I need. I one of the things that I feel is a lot of body aches when I’m overwhelmed and overworked. It puts me in bed for hrs! And I’m learning to give my self grace through it

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Love to hear you're giving yourself more grace. That's what it's all about!

[@juru-chanmusic1277]

Thank you so much for your content I am self diagnosed and all the stuff your explaining makes it easier for me to communicate to those around me. ❤❤

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks so much for the feedback! You are welcome. Please let me know if you have suggestions for future videos.

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

Your content is really interesting. You expressed your point of view every well. Regarding your observations of the YT algorithm, I’ve thought recently that if I were a channel creator, I’d firstly create a library of 50 or more videos (general autism topics) before I actually start my channel. Then when I get going I could intersperse new videos with ones I created earlier from my library so that if I’m not having a good week and unable to create new content, I can still regularly feed the algorithm and keep viewers engaged.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Great idea! Thanks for taking the time to share.

[@melissa23347]

Thank you for this video!! I am in a meltdown/burnout right now and I can relate so much with not knowing how I usually feel or what I like to do. It is like when I feel one way I can’t remember or imagine feeling the other. I can identify body sensations of stress or pain but not really my emotions right now. I just say “I feel some kind of way”. I’m learning to notice those body sensations and figure out what they mean and then act accordingly. 💜

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for sharing this Melissa!

[@Segra13]

A few Auti youtubers that I watch have mentioned that they make multiple videos when they feel up to it, but then release the videos once a week on their regular release day. Maybe something like that would work for you to take some of the pressure off (downside is you have to get a video or two ahead to start). Just an idea. No pressure. Obviously right now the most important thing is to take care of yourself and the essentials (kiddos) and try to recuperate. I hope you feel better soon!

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks so much for taking the time to share this! Great suggestion.

[@julie8234]

Oh gosh, this is absolutely me at the moment! (ASD dx last year, age 47), several weeks of that 'bam' feeling.

[@TRXST.ISSUES]

This was so real Tay - great job on making it through all those adjustments and happy birthday to your son. Also mid-meltdown working with a new client trying to juggle the responsibilities. Just a lot. Hearing your experience definitely is helping me get through mine. Feels like I’m buried up to my neck in sand w/ that exact panicky feeling. Hot baths can be incredibly soothing. Wish I still had access to a sauna. It’s weird but the lights gets so bright I just sit in the tub in the dark to stop all the processing. Thanks so much for making this even though you’re in the thick of it

[@MomontheSpectrum]

We have a steam room at our gym and I love it. A bath with the lights off sounds nice too.

[@TRXST.ISSUES]

@@MomontheSpectrum that’s so awesome!! Visiting a sensory deprivation saltwater tank is now on the bucket list! Hang in there!

[@barbaralee9845]

Thank you for ALL of your content. You are my favorite late diagnosed content creator. By sharing the difficult times, you help all of us understand the challenges we all face that maybe don’t make sense to our neuro typical loved ones. This brings “normalcy” to our unique conceptualizations an how they affect us differently. Thank you for being vulnerable to help all of us see it’s OK. Best wishes moving through your difficult time ❤

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you Barbara!

[@biff6025]

I overstand.

[@JustKate1111]

Very well spoken and great words to describe a complicated set of ‘stuff’. Thank you!!!!!

[@Cafferdite15]

Taylor, you are making me feel like person. Thank you.

[@matthewbucktrout3291]

Hi Taylor, have you come up with a cunning plan for the regular posting recognition by the algorithm issue? I wondered whether a strategy of having a few videos ready up your sleeve which could be posted easily during awkward moments, rather than needing to actually film and edit videos when you need to be offline might help. Or perhaps you already do that. Thank you for sharing what it means for you to have this sort of experience, it helps to understand what words to use to describe similar experiences. I have a bit of an aversion to the word "meltdown", I find it difficult to relate to or accept as something which does happen to me. But the experience, yes. I clearly do have "meltdowns" I just need to get used to the word I guess 🙂It just gives me an image of a tantrum, but it's really not that. Words eh?

[@PocketaPoemArtbyCCC]

What do we do if we can’t make enough money to support our lives…I’m at a bit of a loss right now. I need my husband to learn more and be understanding, I feel so much pressure to work as hard as possible and make as much money as possible, with my internal environment NOT mattering. 😅

[@Around_Every_Corner]

My description is that it is akin to the auras people get before a seizure. For me, especially out being social, I have an almost exact "45 minutes left" marker where I KNOW I am reaching my full point and that I HAVE TO BE OUT THE DOOR within those 45 minutes or it will shift into affecting me past the point that I can handle with my own tools (i.e., meltdown, all it affects, and the aftermath of trying to recalibrate incoming). It was odd, when I was married, I knew... and I would tell him I have about 45 minutes left.

[@whitneymason406]

Thanks for sharing this I had a meltdown too when my son returned to school. You post whenever you can! I appreciate it whenever you can vlog, it doesn't need to be on a particular schedule. ❤️

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thank you for your kind words!

[@sammylangford8858]

Hi I’m sick with a cold and I realised when I was at work I must have been having a meltdown cause sounds were really annoying me when they usually don’t I’m usually able to shut sounds out but today I couldn’t it was like I wanted to throw something at the noise that was bothering me. To shut it up. And I had to keep telling my husband to turn down the music which is so weird for me because I absolutely love music. Oh and my husband and I work together. We own a small business.

[@andewellyscivid3104]

OH MY GAWD Thank You !!

[@jackilove523]

Thank 💚 You siSTAR🙏

[@MomontheSpectrum]

haha love it. You're welcome!

[@vincentssoul2369]

I changed dozen of works till 5 years ago in my late 50s diagnosed on spectrum , I do bespoke carpentry and refurbishings (includind fitting doors:) hardest part when customer at home, or someone working by side, noise smel chating draining more then work task it self, and prefer no calls...

[@annahidekrans5489]

I can relate so much to what you're describing.

[@ashleysjourney110]

Since my first period I am surprised every month wondering why I’m so emotional and don’t want to talk to anyone then it hits me. I used to say I forgot I was a girl until my period came.

[@victoriajohnson3034]

I plan down days. And decidedl definitly day after stressors

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Yes I want to be more mindful about planning for rest days after super stressful days.

[@chaz8591]

I appreciate this so much! It’s been a year and I’m definitely still trying to figure it out. I don’t always understand or catch my meltdowns either. A lot of change at once 😩 … so hard .. Thank you for this information 💙 I’m excited to read neurotribes soon. Sunshine, tea, reading books, creativity and alone time.. love love love

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Change is definitely hard. So glad to have this community where I'm finding a lot of support! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[@raeperonneau4941]

One of my besties and I have had that conversation, pretty much, every month for 30 years. Lol😂

[@beyourself4996]

I feel this ughh feeling for 3 days but I was working and stimming more , I have so bad this week because the work don't worked for me and because social is hard.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

I feel this. Thank you for taking the time to share it with me. Hang in there. You're not alone!

[@veronikaljungberg7149]

This was really helpful, I can totally relate. ❤️

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Glad it was helpful!

[@AdamSpark-i7j]

Hi!! Im Adam Sparkman!? I also have high functioning autism!? And I m 39 years !? Old I've been having!? Meltdowns!?😢. As will!? And it makes my life a living hell!?. And hard to control!? My emotions!?😢. And i understand were your coming from!?😅. So!? Thank you for you!!😊. I ll keep learning from you!? And you are a wonderful mother😊 and person with a big ❤ keep up the great work!? And i will always be cheering😅😅for you.

[@HeatherH-fe2gm]

Hello I have just watched three of your videos I have subscribed. I love your honesty and I have just so related to so much of what you have said that i totally am like that is me! you speak my language! I am working on ADD diagnoses and and ASD is been my big question with so much masking since childhood I really like knowing it has helped me to cope with my Fibromyalgia diagnoses for the last 16years. My daughter is been diagnosed with ADHD but she has all the neuro-divergent sound light and texture issues and so much more that is on the sprectrum! I am smiling listening to you on this video I am laughing at the connection you are saying. DO you have any nerve itchy areas on your body anywhere? Mine is on my left shoulder blade and it is so bad my DAughter is the best back scratcher! Watching the one on boundaries now, so true what your saying. I can be in a room with hundred people and feel like I don't connect or feel in place there. Listening to self-care needs is so important to function I have learned with my fibromyalgia an be ok with limitations but I feel like i need to connect with those that help me with my mental state when I feel so out of place in the "normal" people world. I love you acceptance of just owning your irritable moods and I totally get it and it is a kindness to tell other around you about irritability is owning the feeling in the moment helps me be in the moment. SO so long I am just super excited hearing you. I have two children 20 year old with ASD OCS ADHD, and a 10 year old with ADHD and ASD and Anxiety disorder seperation anxiety and panic. I count the smallest accomplishment at the end of everyday even if it is just my daughter got fed and made it to bed that night and a load of laundry. Thank you about the ear buds look amazing! Ok enough for now. wehhhhhh! :)

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Thanks for your comment 💓

[@victoriajohnson3034]

Learn to be honest with your kids. Tell them when your having a hard time and need things calm and quiet. Offer to let them sit quietly on couch with a calm movie after your hot bath.

[@CaptainBravo87]

Great video ... hope ur channel gets bigger and bigger

[@eatsleepcrochet]

Thank you for sharing this! It was so relatable, and I appreciated hearing your coping strategies. 🙂

[@MomontheSpectrum]

So glad it was helpful! Please let me know if there are any other specific types of resources and/or videos that would be helpful to you.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Also, I see from your handle that you may like to crochet a little bit. :) Me too!! I'm relatively new but it's one of my special interests.

[@ChristianMcDonald-pe9eu]

Am sorry sorry my melt down has happened fore days now. Someone fed me valium they told me I was out of control taking this n calm down. Indoor it I got suicidal in was on a bridge.. I cried n cried am crying now it feels likevam out of control n crying

[@looloojohnclan142]

Feeling drunk, without drinking. 😮 Ummm, I have this alot when I wake up. Feels like a night in the town. Assumed I needed to drink? Is that not what that is, but instead it's because my dofy has gone through alot?

[@ElizabethAVanCleve]

I’m so confused because so much of what you talk about sounds like me but my symptoms come from trauma during childhood. My daughter is on the spectrum for Autism. I’m super confused.

[@MomontheSpectrum]

Trauma symptoms can also resemble autism symptoms and the overlap can be hard to distinguish. There are similarities between CPTSD as well. An experienced provider can help you distinguish between the two. I was diagnosed with both autism and an unspecified stress disorder.

[@julie8234]

I'm a big researcher on autism too & hope to include it in my PhD in October ✅

[@HollyCooperbeachdiva]

I feel like I'm in the middle of one right now.

[@SunnySunshineField]

So helpful ❤❤❤

[@akosari2535]

The "B" is indeed very interesting and disturbing or should I say, "disturving." Just kidding, all respect to people and their names and Mr. Silberman.

[@destinyberg0903]

I think I’m high sensitive to pain

[@victoriajohnson3034]

I would maybe set video time date but video only has to be 5 minutes or less on rough day

[@judyi.7015]

So I just figured out I really do have autism.....having a couple of children on the spectrum, I wondered before....and I was recently diagnosed with ADD. I just retired from my job because I aged out. The company forces you to retire when you hit a certain age. I have been in an emotional mess since then & the doctor had no explanation for my feelings. Then I realized I was in a burnout. As I watched a few shows on female late diagnosis autism, everything fell into place. 😂😢😂

[@yelda9661]

Maybe this will help: Silber is the german word for silver 😁

[@ashcar6903]

I went down on my testosterone dose bc I was curious about if a high T dose was making my ADHD worse. The whole week I was like "Damn what is going on with me I feel so weird and awful" There's a good chance it was PMS. I didn't bleed but I did start some cramping. I knew that it was a possibility and had a whole convo with my doctor about it and STILL forgot that periods exist. LOL

[@heedmydemands]

Omg dude yeah so frustrating with the wild hormone control over your body right? I mean maybe that's a bit of an exaggerated way to put it but yeah so intense. I have an app to help me keep track but even with that I still don't catch on when I'm freaking out because of hormones. Also tho it doesn't mean that what u r freaking out about isn't a real problem but then again it does usually seem to smooth right over once I'm all on my period and tired and yucky feeling

[@cathyjennings5580]

Take your B VITAMINS B-1 etc. for hormones & NERVES balance. Feel calm. Feel better. 😊❤😊 Ok?

[@DaemonetteLeilu19]

I dont know if this sounds appropriate to how you were feeling. To me, it sounds like you were experiencing some self-disassociation. If it helps to know, its a very "adhd" thing to go through. Ive been diagnosed with adhd, i think i am also autistic as well. Long story short, i hope you are alright and know that you are valid, your thoughts, feelings, experiences, etc. ❤ Sorry, i mean it sincerely, i dont mean to offend anyone 😅

[@cathyjennings5580]

Monthly menstrual period is emotional HORMONAL IMMBALANCES. MOODINESS IS NORMAL. 😮😮😮😮 JUST TAKE IT EASY. SELF CARE IS NEEDED. HORMONES & Excessive challenges to do Stuff. Mini vacations monthly. Natural for most normal people Females. Think about it monthly.

[@user95395]

man, this will probably come off the wrong way but: I have recently started watching you and have only started to look at your old videos. In this one you are clearly masking... you have a fake girly voice (honestly it's driving me up the wall) in this video that you no longer do. Your current more authentic tone is preferred... to say the least. I hope this comes off that i'm complimenting you on your progress.