60 Characteristics of Complex Trauma - Part 26/33 - Memory Issues

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Many people with Complex Trauma have memory issues. Why is that? What can be done about it?
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[@luannefarmer]

I’m a 60 year old woman Being raped twice as a 12 year old girl . I remember what happened, the scenery , where it happened etc but I cannot remember how it felt in my body I just remember looking up at the trees and blanking out. To this day I don’t know how I got home! At 28 I was raped by a friend , I just let it happen but felt nothing & was submissive. Since then I’ve been a broken woman with 2 divorces behind me. From martial abusive of various kinds. I see now all these years I have been living with complex trauma! I hope these videos will help me and I can find myself . God has been the only constant love in my life. I’m grateful for that.

[@Truologye]

I'm sorry you experienced this. Your mind is protecting you. Stay steady and strong ❤

[@jmvwegnerpriest]

♥💗💕

[@naturalist369]

I am so sorry; sending Love & Light❤🌟❤ I am also 60 & can relate. By the Grace of God we will heal. I am finding the I AM Affirmation Discourses of St.Germain very helpful, also. We can also invite Angels in to guide us, through meditation and prayer etc., keeping in communion with them in our lives, as Jesus suggests . I will keep praying for us all ❤️‍🔥🎶🙏🏼😇🕊️💫

[@mariesook9141]

It is all too bad. We wish we grew up with love, affection & no rape or other abuse, sexual or otherwise. We can only go on from where we find ourselves, grieve what we've lost, & cultivate h0pe for the present moment. It's hard work and very often lonely work, but I think there are ways for our recovery. Finding simple pleasures, finding discipline, finding new thoughts (CBT) have helped me over the decades. Also, learning realistic goals and standards was soooo helpful. Now I'm learning to cultivate virtues & to feel gratitude & express it. I believe my higher power will see me from where I came from & be pleased I did a good job, all things considered..... I can take a break from putting in the effort, but not quit. I don't recommend quitting. 😂 That really sucks to come back from. Good luck to you... to all of us.

[@divergentmind2023]

i am so sorry i pray you will heal and feel loved, whole, pure and wonderfully made before your trauma lived for you now it is your turn to live the life you deserve knowing you are so much more than your scars, you are an eternal soul and soon you will see as god does. we are one. my life was very similar to yours. knowledge is freedom and love heals all things

[@JMSsssssss]

I don't really remember my childhood. When I ask my mother about my childhood she says she doesn't remember me as a child either. Sigh. I need a therapist who has an interest in complex PTSD.

[@boxelder9167]

I started by writing my story down and when I would go back and read it I would remember more each time. It took a long time to write but I got about 300 pages written. If I need to remember that I can just go back and read it now. The practice of trying to remember helped it to come forward and I would also realize when I was having a memory during the day and make a note about the memory so that I could write it down later.

[@Hawaiiansky11]

@@boxelder9167 I did the same thing, having repressed memories that were 35+ years old come back to me, and have been trying to make sense of them for the past almost 2 years. If God is just, my female parent is in hell. No wonder I 'went crazy' as a teen because I'm overwhelmed by the mere memories now which are still confusing. My brain was still developing when I basically lost all sense of reality.

[@boxelder9167]

@@Hawaiiansky11 - I found it helpful to know that my brain was having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. It was trying to shield me from the actual grim reality. But that also meant it blocked access to get healing. It was a multiple year recovery process. I did nuro-feedback therapy, cognitive processing therapy, spiritual deliverance ministry, 12 step, and 7 week inpatient care. All of the pieces of the puzzle come together with different tools and techniques from each one. I had to look at myself as if I were someone else. If Joe Schmo had been had been locked in a basement naked for years where he was beaten, tortured, starved and waterboarded- what would I tell him to do? And how judgmental would I be if it took him several times with multiple different experts (who all had pieces) to put together the pieces of his life so that he would enjoy living again? See I would love Joe Schmo and give him all the resources and time he needs but I could never see myself as a real person. I believed that I was too broken to be worthy to be loved and so I struggled to be kind to myself. Other people picked up on that and they took full advantage of it making it worse and I was in a pickle because I needed people to heal but people who were around me were too sick to not take advantage of me and I was too broken to stop them. That was a very bad place to be.

[@georgiakritikos4955]

Any time you got an inclination, about your childhood ❤spit it out write it down, little bit more, you start to develop a pattern 🎥🎬💯📚YOU GOT THIS

[@georgiakritikos4955]

Excellent ❤KEEP GOING📚💯🎬🎥

[@julieyoung3315]

My Mother was killed when I was 13, and she was 40. My Dad fell apart. I was left with him. He never talked to. Hr would drop me off at school at 8am and not come home until 10 pm. at night. I didn't even know him. He never talked about my Mother. Needless to say I becamre promisccuous. I have never dealt with the trauma. Its been 40 years and I still don't know who I am. He never taught me anything. All I remember is he let me do anything I want. When I had my first child age 26, I didn't even know that you were supposed to warm up a bottle. I was giving my Son cold milk,until someone told me.

[@triplejmom7826]

So sorry to hear that. 🙏🏼❤️‍🩹

[@kimslate5715]

As a mother, I am SO sorry you suffered that neglect. I hope have a good support system now.

[@annehettick8285]

This is exactly what God has been telling me. Staying close to the Lord in heart and mind is the most important

[@SylwiaDaniluk]

I think the same.

[@cyirvine6300]

It's not a recovery, but it strengthens you enough to go on. Me too! I've found TMS and REMD through my psychiatrist. Thank you God for this recovery!

[@barrykulmom]

Just found you as I piece this puzzle that is CPTSD. Only known about it for about a year but family deep into healing now. Love your videos. They are more like lay man’s terms and are more easily graspable. Thank you for helping us to help ourselves. Carolyn

[@margaritajohns7907]

I had all my trauma in my brain of when my father left to start a new family. It was subconsciously affecting me in my life my relationships with trauma that needed to come out and surface to heal. It’s being an emotional process roller coaster ride Take care of your children you all They are precious and very vulnerable ⭐️❤️🙏💞💝💗🕊

[@edjohnson1786]

I've always thought of my bad memory as the memories are there but my search function is broken. Thank you for explaining it

[@Hawaiiansky11]

I had no idea when at age 13 (so tender!) that being klutzy, ignoring pain (discovering dried blood on a forgotten wound), having a poor memory, seeming ditzy and having a happy-go-lucky Pollyanna attitude (where you forget / dismiss all negative things, choosing to act sanguine even in the face of danger and exploitation) were all evidence of childhood abuse / trauma.

[@abbywoolfson584]

Thank you, The more information i understand i geel less guilty and responsible.

[@Hawaiiansky11]

I realized, after I finally released that, that I wasn't "angry all the time" or prone to emotional outbursts because of what the other person was doing, or had done, but because I was so angry and judgmental towards MYSELF! Forgiving yourself is so very powerful!!

[@andziagreen4922]

I am very gratefull I found your videos, you explain so clearly all aspects of cptsd that I wish you could be my therapist 🙏

[@richardfroste4548]

I was brainwashed MK Ultra style when I was a soldier stationed in Korea. I have memory gaps and false memories. Am enjoying your videos…. I was a big rock and roll fan. They made some less commonly heard rock songs to be my triggers. Today I only listen to country music. Something I once thought I would never do. But I don’t want to be triggered by listening to the radio at a bad time.

[@gpmadrox91]

Alot of.MK ultra in rock mainly because the Jewish Zionist created it for that very purpose.

[@naturalist369]

I am so sorry this happened to you. We weren't made for war. Sending you Love & Light and big hugs💞 I'll continue to pray for us all 🙏🏼😇🕊️

[@Bronislaavv]

@@naturalist369 ? What is "MK Ultra" ?

[@lseger62]

​@@Bronislaavvlook it up, its real, no matter who says its conspiracy theory.

[@plixplop]

​@@BronislaavvUS government secret program to research mind control methods including drugging subjects with LSD

[@reinaequina6588]

Omg thank you. This explains so much.... thank you... I just thought I was going crazy 😥

[@joycechan1973]

Omg! That’s me! I did not really have serious trauma in my children but I did feel neglected and unsafe all the time. When I started therapy in mid 20s, I found my memory is missing and I’m not comfortable to delve into my childhood. I once said to my therapist that I don’t see the need to dig into my childhood because I think what’s past is in the past. Tbh, maybe I’m just fear to see.

[@Webbgurl2000]

This Guy gets IT💯

[@cosimavonliebenau8317]

How fascinating, this explains a lot. Thank you for your hard work.

[@drsandhyathumsikumar4479]

Tim .i appreciate the way you utilize all relevant information and present such a lucid explanation to heal

[@margaritajohns7907]

Thank you for this pot-casts, your teachings are very clear and helpful to heal what soo many of us have issues with. You are a true Blessing⭐️❤️🙏🕊

[@donnaschuster7439]

Thank you so much, Tim Fletcher! So glad I found you. I am really interested in spreading awareness of complex PTSD.

[@brunm9203]

This is great. Really important topic that more people need to be aware of. I've been struggling through cptsd for a couple of years now with my therapist.

[@Hawaiiansky11]

How do you get therapists to realize that you need work at a basic level? I try to talk to therapists about my past, but they always seem to want to focus on "how do we cognitively fix that in the present?" Having those tools does not help when triggers cause an instantaneous emotional response.

[@angelafeldman5903]

I have no memory of the past. I remember in my 20s some of it. I also married an abusive husband cause I associate love with being hit and being abused. I'm free from him but carry face scars and scars to my soul., and pain to my heart of how my children suffered. (He didn't hit them until I left, he would be dead if he did and he knows it. )And still do.

[@Hawaiiansky11]

There is a reason why you attracted and accepted an abuser, and it almost certainly has something to do with your childhood.

[@keastymatthew2407]

Really? I doubt it

[@hughiedavies6069]

I wish I knew someone like this man. It would make such a big difference if I did.

[@angieolsson8175]

There is something I don't get. I have forgotten a lot of my childhood abuse but I started getting memory flashbacks in my 20's. When it comes to those flashbacks I only remember what happend and not what I felt. Tim says it should be the other way around. I do get scared for no reason so I guess that could connect to what he is saying.

[@boxelder9167]

26:19 He described what you are talking about. I can get flashbacks without the emotions but I had to shut the emotions off to survive.

[@Hawaiiansky11]

You may have learned to 'go numb' as I did. If you can, write some of those memories down and see if your mind helps you fill in the context. The emotions will come. And if they come like mine did, it will be a tsunami of every human emotion that exists. You might need to take some time off work and require extra sleep, as it is an exhausting process.

[@emusic96785]

Excellent info. Thanks!!

[@dawn-from-the-lab]

I was assaulted multiple times in my childhood. I don’t remember the most traumatic one because I was 10-11 and my older sister gave me alcohol. She had a bunch of friends at her house and I was staying the night with her. I am almost certain someone put something in my drink because I blacked out and woke up the next day with blood in my panties. 2 years ago, my ex bf assaulted me when I turned down his marriage proposal and it brought that night flooding back to my body. I still can’t remember it, but I’d completely forgotten about it until that moment. I could not stop crying for 2 months straight, I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and I felt like at any moment I was going to spiral completely out of control and end up in the ER for a psych eval due to a mental breakdown.

[@LauraCrapo]

Great lecture series thank you

[@CelinaLerner]

A liberação de memórias numa situação segura, com ferramentas e pessoas para ajudar, me lembrou o processo esperado em meditações budistas. Muito interessante!

[@michaelgarrow3239]

Even memories are probably remembering what you thought happened not what really happened.

[@Adrian_Estando]

This content is so good. Very useful for me and much appreciated.🙂👍🏼💙🙏🏼

[@EspeonaSparkle]

Very important topic!

[@KOOLBadger]

I KNOW THE LORD SENT YOU TO ME! PASTOR AND A TRAUMA SPECIALIST! I HAVE BEEN PRAYING FOR YOU AND LOOKING FOR YOU SIR..😢..I have been diagnosed with Complex but nobody knows how to fix me.. so..I am going to learn from you. I am in the desert know. Im spending 40 days and nights here for a spiritual journey. Now I know why I am here. For therapy to save my life..😭😭😭😭😭💔💔🫂

[@susansilvey1614]

I chose to remember certain specific incidences because for some reason I knew I would need to remember later. This is how I know they are accurate.

[@shannkahn3098]

I wish I had watched the end of this before April 24th 😢 Of course I lost the person I thought he was. Thank God he's a forgiving God!!!!

[@phyllisbrown7290]

Thank you. Helpful information🌻

[@tashawaters89]

Happy Friday!

[@kristiejones7420]

LoL I was searching for the next video & thought you left us then looked at the date. I guess I'll b seeing you every Friday. Until then I'm going to start at the 1st video. I love what you're doing but wish you'd end your prayers, ' in the name of Jesus' 🥰

[@bevsofroniuk1193]

I have often wondered out if I really want or need to remember the 'blank spots' I will (know) basically what happened in a room/remember the smell...but don't recall the actual event/ often seems like I was watching on the other side of the door??

[@LV4REAL]

This got very interesting! It explains a lot...yet brings up even more questions to think about. Ha Thank you!

[@bevsofroniuk1193]

Smell is a huge deal to my brain....

[@AnaNas-bm2uv]

So helpful! 👍

[@Iluvrocket]

I can appreciate the concept of muscle memory, but it’s a mark of thorough knowledge to know the working behind the muscle memory and be able to break it down to someone who’s never done it before. What if you had a teacher who told you, “you know, just do it?” Might as well teach yourself.

[@mrmeiii5666]

Thank you 🙏

[@manyBlessings2all]

And what if we dont have 'the right people' ? Or enough money to pay for a trauma informed therapist or even know how to find one ~ esp also autism & adhd informed! I did check out the linked online & group courses, & $60canadian/month for 6months is probably as good as it gets for regular therapy ..$15 per week .. thank you .. & start with all this amazing free content, altho the more I learn and connect with the memories & feelings the more i need some trained support - a couple of well meaning friends have their own trauma which gets in the way, mine too, of us really helping each other through & out of all this

[@Star-dj1kw]

I’m watching.

[@cyirvine6300]

I remember things from before my first birthday. What i can't remember is getting hit every day, which was fact. Yeah, gaps.

[@Taufi-rn9ny]

There is a problem with identifying and locating "safe places". Not every professional therapist actually care about the patient. So how can a person healing from trauma locate that "safe place?" Who is going to build these buildings and train the professionals that understand complex trauma the way you have just explained it? Can we duplicate you and make access to the help real for the people who need it? Besides my comment and suggestions, I think you are an amazing educator on mental health. Thank you for your work. I will refer you to as many people as I can that need your help.

[@elizabethy2912]

I remember kindergarten, and milk and Graham. Crackers, then a nap, then learning how to read!! I do not remember 1 and 2 grade!! I dont know my teachers name, nothing!! I remember 3 grade- how my teacher smelled, but she played favoritism , and I was not her favorite. That gap of two years, is very suspicious to me, that there was abuse I dont want to know about!!

[@Teknogootti]

I rarely remember anything.. That’s why I nowadays take pictures of everything.. I have aphantasia. Does that have something to do with cptsd?

[@Jupefires]

I don't remember being raped at 14. The molestation continued for about 3 years and I don't remember any of the times except 1 and I remember crying the entire time. I was 17 by then. I never was able to have a relationship with anyone after the rape. Two divorces and now by myself for almost 30 years. I don't want a relationship. I don't want to remember either. I think I was molested at 3 or 4 because I have vague memories of it. I don't want to remember the details of that either but I would like to know if it did happen. I will never know. There has been a lot of sexual abuse in my lifetime more that I disclosed here and I wish I would have fought people off of me. I don't know why I didn't. That is what I wish I could figure out because I am a fighter but in these cases I was paralyzed.

[@Rick_Dunaway]

Ok, Ok so thats why I dont take care of my teeth. My Dad would explode over something (never knew what it would be but I knew the blame and anger was gonna be on my plate and I'd be made to eat it) but I'd be commanded to look at him while he hollered screamed just made me feel terrible it whatever way he found effective. Anyway it was his long thin lower front teeth that scared me the most. I guess its just like a dog barking and growling while looking down his brow and showing his teeth. My very first memory in life was standing in my long bed-time t-shirt at the entrance to the hall way after being called/commanded to attention where found myself getting verbally/emotionally attacked just like a firing squad except he fired from his chair which remained in a reclined state. And what I did next was instinct or just copying what I;d seen in all the western movies he would watch "still does" YES I "PUT MY HANDS UP AS TO SAY DONT SHOOT, I'M UNARMED AND MEAN YOU NO HARM!" oh but that action was what harmed him most apparently. I guess I did it more than just that one time cause now I kinda feel as if it was a reflex like if a person jumps when they are startled. Point being that I did not have active control over the reflex. ohh ok I see his game has always been one of domination where he removed my ability mt willingness to defend myself.... andf thats why he so loved the game where he held your arms down like in a bear hug and made me slap myself welll he slapped me but did it with my hand. he would just laugh and laugh as he said " RICKY WHY YOU DO THAT STOP HITTING YOURSELF SON" and that's why I insisted i be called Rick when I started elementary school.... Ok Ok well ive had enough, I got work to do and it doesnt help to get to worked up myself by going on and on dredging up more crap I'll have to clean up emotional. Easier said then done when Ilive alone, work from home and that S.O.B. lives just a 1/2 or so up the road. showed up unanounced the other day riding the atv through my yard making a mess cause it had just rain for 2/3 days. Itried to hide in the bathroom hoping he'd go away. but I got a knock at the door causing my aniexty to spike and start to studder a I tried to talk without catching a trip wire and having a limb blow off. Damn I defended myself on mu;tiple occasions as I began to come about all this and It just caused colleratle damage as he went into overtime RAGE. I could leave and I did but then my mom would pay the price by listening to his crap. and guess who caused who fault it was and always is. yours truly, hey just blame it all on Ricky hes to young and or scared to defend himself so he will eat all the crap you throw at him .....

[@Rick_Dunaway]

writing helps in the long run as you can see I connected a few more dots and have given up on spekking and grammer because now I'm angry so I guess I'll go do what always help me feel better... EAT and be Fat ass Ricky again god damit

[@boomshankaneil]

Narcissistic abuse really fs you up

[@middleofnowhere1313]

The only way to heal is with a therapist? I'll never have that kind of money. Must we really be stuck like this forever?

[@Hawaiiansky11]

I find therapists lacking in the ability to heal. I am now working through John Bradshaw's "Homecoming" because I know i need to go back and reparent myself at every stage.

[@triplejmom7826]

There’s a KZbinr named crappy childhood fairy. She has tons of videos & I find her very helpful in the healing process.?🙏🏼❤️‍🩹 I know it’s been years & I pray you’re in a better place.

[@madalaine7981]

A combination of Tim Fletcher and The Crappy Childhood Fairy gave me so many tools for self healing , both free on KZbin x

[@jessicaloree9033]

😮

[@georgiakritikos4955]

Americans BIGGEST AND BEST INVESTIGATORS❤THAT LOVE TO SHARE INFORMATION TOO PATTERNS 💯🎬🎥📚FOR BENEFITS OF SAFE & HEALTHY GOOD WORK_ SIR ❤A+

[@allialias]

Sure am tired of being told,"people don't talk abt those things... you're weird... you're funny...ya, I know..."

[@coda2197]

My Dad used to aggressively clear his throat right before he chewed me up. My ex-husband aggressively cleared his throat before he chewed me up. Hearing someone clear their throat 5 aisles over in the store causes my body to nearly convulse. The shaking is violent & immediate. I’ve been focusing on regaining control over my nervous system.

[@gloriatucker9796]

People with trauma cause trauma. Recognize yourself and stay away from us.

[@nargizmamedova1000]

😂😂😂

[@merrill5780]

Easy to rationalize... like taking the jab.

[@evaalpaugh2366]

Part of the prison system here

[@johnrice1943]

It sounds normal on 1.5 speed. Is he drunk? Or am I? 😂

[@stevenc2149]

1.25 is ok, you're on coffee

[@Sirinoks8]

I'm disappointed in how this turned into a religion thing

[@eternalstudent7461]

I understand that Pastor Tim aims to help everyone who wants to learn, even those who have not yet tapped in to their own spirituality. 🕊

[@hopeinfused7127]

It's all connected

[@ChickPeaChannel]

Tim does all his talks in two parts. Part one is agnostic to any religion. Part two is how the principles of religeous beliefs can be used as a form of abuse.

[@mknels1299]

Don't lose the main message

[@Hawaiiansky11]

Use it like going to the store; take what will help you and leave the rest. Getting closer to one's faith does help a lot of us.